everwrotefablesinArmenian;butyecouldn’thelpyourselves,yeareduncie。Weduncie!Ay,duncie。Sohereyeareheldupbythetails,bloodandfoamstreamingfromyourjaws。
Thewriterwishestoaskhere,whatdoyouthinkofallthis,MessieurslesCritiques?Wereyeeverservedsobefore?Butdon’tyourichlydeserveit?Haven’tyoubeenforyearspastbullyingandinsultingeverybodywhomyoudeemedweak,andcurryingfavourwitheverybodywhomyouthoughtstrong?\"Weapproveofthis。Wedisapproveofthat。Oh,thiswillneverdo。Thesearefinelines!\"ThelinesperhapssomehorridsycophanticrubbishaddressedtoWellington,orLordSo—and—
so。Tohaveyourignorancethusexposed,tobeshownupinthismanner,andbywhom?Agypsy!Ay,agypsywastheveryrightpersontodoit。Butisitnotgalling,afterall?
\"Ah,butWEdon’tunderstandArmenian,itcannotbeexpectedthatWEshouldunderstandArmenian,orWelsh,or—Hey,what’sthis?ThemightyWEnotunderstandArmenianorWelsh,or—ThenwhydoesthemightyWEpretendtoreviewabooklikeLavengro?Fromthearrogancewithwhichitcontinuallydeliversitself,onewouldthinkthatthemightyWEisomniscient;thatitunderstandseverylanguage;isversedineveryliterature;yetthemightyWEdoesnotevenknowthewordforbreadinArmenian。ItknowsbreadwellenoughbynameinEngland,andfrequentlybreadinEnglandonlybyitsname,butthetruthis,thatthemightyWE,withallitspretension,isingeneralaverysorrycreature,who,insteadofsayingnousdisons,shouldrathersaynousdis:Pornyinhis\"GuerredesDieux,\"veryprofanelymakesthethreeinonesay,Jefaisons;now,Lavengro,whoisanythingbutprofane,wouldsuggestthatcritics,especiallymagazineandSundaynewspapercritics,shouldcommencewithnousdis,asthefirstwordwouldbesignificantoftheconceitandassumptionofthecritic,andthesecondoftheextentofthecritic’sinformation。TheWEsaysitssay,butwhenfawningsycophancyorvulgarabusearetakenfromthatsay,whatremains?Whyablank,avoidlikeGinnungagap。
Asthewriter,ofhisownaccord,hasexposedsomeoftheblemishesofhisbook—atask,whichacompetentcriticoughttohavedone—hewillnowpointouttwoorthreeofitsmerits,whichanycritic,notaltogetherblindedwithignorancemighthavedone,ornotrepletewithgallandenvywouldhavebeengladtodo。Thebookhasthemeritofcommunicatingafactconnectedwithphysiology,whichinallthepagesofthemultitudeofbookswasneverpreviouslymentioned—themysteriouspracticeoftouchingobjectstobaffletheevilchance。Themiserabledetractorwill,ofcourse,instantlybegintoraveaboutsuchahabitbeingcommon:wellandgood;butwasiteverbeforedescribedinprint,orallconnectedwithitdissected?HemaythenvociferatesomethingaboutJohnsonhavingtouched:—thewritercaresnotwhetherJohnson,who,bythebye,duringthelasttwentyorthirtyyears,owingtopeoplehavingbecomeultraTorymadfromreadingScott’snovelsandthe\"QuarterlyReview,\"hasbeenamightyfavourite,especiallywithsomewhowereinthehabitofcallinghimahalfcrazyoldfool—
touched,orwhetherhedidornot;butheaskswheredidJohnsoneverdescribethefeelingswhichinducedhimtoperformthemagictouch,evensupposingthathedidperformit?Again,thehistorygivesanaccountofacertainbookcalledthe\"SleepingBard,\"themostremarkableproseworkofthemostdifficultlanguagebutone,ofmodernEurope,—abook,foranoticeofwhich,hebelieves,onemightturnoverinvainthepagesofanyreviewprintedinEngland,or,indeed,elsewhere。—Soherearetwofacts,oneliteraryandtheotherphysiological,forwhichanycandidcriticwasboundtothanktheauthor,evenasinRomanyRyethereisafactconnectedwithIroNormanMyth,forthedisclosingofwhich,anypersonwhopretendstohavearegardforliteratureisboundtothankhim,namely,thatthemysteriousFinnorFingalof\"Ossian’sPoems\"isoneandthesamepersonastheSigurdFofnisbaneoftheEddaandtheWilkina,andtheSiegfriedHornoftheLayoftheNiebelungs。
Thewritermighthereconclude,and,hebelieves,mosttriumphantly;as,however,heisinthecueforwriting,whichheseldomis,hewillforhisowngratification,andforthesakeofothers,droppingmetaphorsaboutvipersandserpents,showupinparticulartwoorthreesetsorcliquesofpeople,who,heishappytosay,havebeenparticularlyvirulentagainsthimandhiswork,fornothingindeedcouldhavegivenhimgreatermortificationthantheirpraise。
Inthefirstplace,hewishestodisposeofcertainindividualswhocallthemselvesmenofwitandfashion—
abouttown—whoheistoldhaveabusedhisbook\"vaustly\"—
theirownword。Thesepeoplepainttheircheeks,wearwhitekidgloves,anddabbleinliterature,orwhattheyconceivetobeliterature。Forabusefromsuchpeople,thewriterwasprepared。Doesanyoneimaginethatthewriterwasnotwellaware,beforehepublishedhisbook,that,wheneverhegaveittotheworld,heshouldbeattackedbyeveryliterarycoxcombinEnglandwhohadinfluenceenoughtoprocuretheinsertionofascurrilousarticleinamagazineornewspaper!
HehasbeeninSpain,andhasseenhowinvariablythemuleattacksthehorse;nowwhydoesthemuleattackthehorse?
Why,becausethelattercarriesaboutwithhimthatwhichtheenvioushermaphroditedoesnotpossess。
Theyconsider,forsooth,thathisbookislow—butheisnotgoingtowastewordsaboutthem—oneortwoofwhom,heistold,havewrittenverydunciebooksaboutSpain,andarehighlyenragedwithhim,becausecertainbookswhichhewroteaboutSpainwerenotconsideredduncie。No,heisnotgoingtowastewordsuponthem,forverilyhedislikestheircompany,andsohe’llpassthemby,andproceedtoothers。
TheScotchCharlieo’erthewaterpeoplehavebeenveryloudintheabuseofLavengro—thisagainmightbeexpected;thesarcasmsofthePriestabouttheCharlieo’erthewaternonsenseofcoursestungthem。Oh!itisoneoftheclaimswhichLavengrohastorespect,thatitisthefirst,ifnottheonlywork,inwhichthatnonsenseis,toacertainextent,exposed。TwoorthreeoftheirremarksonpassagesofLavengro,hewillreproduceandlaughat。OfcourseyourCharlieo’erthewaterpeoplearegenteelexceedingly,andcannotabideanythinglow。Gypsyismtheythinkisparticularlylow,andtheuseofgypsywordsinliteraturebeneathitsgentility;sotheyobjecttogypsywordsbeingusedinLavengrowheregypsiesareintroducedspeaking—
\"WhatisRomanyforsooth?\"saythey。Verygood!AndwhatisScotch?hasnotthepublicbeennauseatedwithScotchforthelastthirtyyears?\"Ay,butScotchisnot\"—thewriterbelievesheknowsmuchbetterthantheScotchwhatScotchisandwhatitisnot;hehastoldthembeforewhatitis,averysorryjargon。Hewillnowtellthemwhatitisnot—asisteroranimmediatedaughteroftheSanscrit,whichRomanyis。\"Ay,buttheScotchare\"—foxes,foxes,nothingelsethanfoxes,evenlikethegypsies—thedifferencebetweenthegypsyandScotchfoxbeingthatthefirstiswild,withamightybrush,theotherasneakwithagiltcollarandwithoutatail。
ACharlieo’erthewaterpersonattemptstobewitty,becausethewriterhassaidthatperhapsacertainoldEdinburghHigh—Schoolporter,ofthenameofBoee,wasperhapsofthesamebloodasacertainBui,aNorthernKempwhodistinguishedhimselfatthebattleofHoringerBay。A
prettymatter,forsooth,toexcitetheridiculeofaScotchman!Why,isthereabeggarortrumperyfellowinScotland,whodoesnotpretendtobesomebody,orrelatedtosomebody?IsnoteveryScotchmandescendedfromsomeking,kemp,orcow—stealerofold,byhisownaccountatleast?
Why,thewriterwouldevengosofarastobetatriflethatthepoorcreature,whoridiculesBoee’ssupposedancestry,hasoneofhisown,atleastasgrandandasapocryphalasoldBoee’softheHighSchool。
ThesameCharlieo’erthewaterpersonismightilyindignantthatLavengroshouldhavespokendisrespectfullyofWilliamWallace;Lavengro,whenhespeaksofthatpersonage,beingachildofabouttenyearsold,andrepeatingmerelywhathehadheard。AlltheScotch,bythebye,foragreatmanyyearspast,havebeengreatadmirersofWilliamWallace,particularlytheCharlieo’erthewaterpeople,whointheirnonsense—versesaboutCharliegenerallycontrivetobringinthenameofWilliam,Willie,orWullieWallace。ThewriterbegsleavetosaythathebynomeanswishestobearhardagainstWilliamWallace,buthecannothelpaskingwhy,ifWilliam,Willie,orWullieWallacewassuchaparticularlyniceperson,didhisbrotherScotsbetrayhimtoacertainrenownedsouthernwarrior,calledEdwardLongshanks,whocausedhimtobehangedandcutintofourinLondon,andhisquarterstobeplacedoverthegatesofcertaintowns?Theygotgold,itistrue,andtitles,verynicethings,nodoubt;
but,surely,thelifeofapatriotisbetterthanallthegoldandtitlesintheworld—atleastLavengrothinksso—
butLavengrohaslivedmorewithgypsiesthanScotchmen,andgypsiesdonotbetraytheirbrothers。Itwouldbesometimebeforeagypsywouldhandoverhisbrothertotheharum—beck,evensupposingyouwouldnotonlymakehimaking,butajusticeofthepeace,andnotonlygivehimtheworld,butthebestfarmontheHolkhamestate;butgypsiesarewildfoxes,andthereiscertainlyawonderfuldifferencebetweenthewayofthinkingofthewildfoxwhoretainshisbrush,andthatofthescurvykennelcreaturewhohaslosthistail。
Ah!butthousandsofScotch,andparticularlytheCharlieo’erthewaterpeople,willsay,\"Wedidn’tsellWillieWallace,itwasourforbearswhosoldWillieWallace—IfEdwardLongshankshadaskedustosellWullieWallace,wewouldsoonhaveshownhimthat—\"Lordbetterye,yepoortrumperysetofcreatures,yewouldnothaveactedabitbetterthanyourforefathers;rememberhowyehaveevertreatedthefewamongstyewho,thoughborninthekennel,haveshownsomethingofthespiritofthewood。Manyofyearestillalivewhodeliveredovermen,quiteashonestandpatrioticasWilliamWallace,intothehandsofanEnglishminister,tobechainedandtransportedformerelyventuringtospeakandwriteinthecauseofhumanity,atthetimewhenEuropewasbeginningtoflingoffthechainsimposedbykingsandpriests。AnditisnotsoverylongsinceBurns,towhomyearenowbuildingupobelisksratherhigherthanhedeserves,waspermittedbyhiscountrymentodieinpovertyandmisery,becausehewouldnotjoinwiththeminsongsofadulationtokingsandthetrumperygreat。SosaynotthatyewouldhaveactedwithrespecttoWilliamWallaceonewhitbetterthanyourfathers—andyouinparticular,yechildrenofCharlie,whomdoyewritenonsense—versesabout?Afamilyofdastarddespots,whodidtheirbest,duringacenturyandmore,totreadoutthefewsparksofindependentfeelingstillglowinginScotland—butenoughhasbeensaidaboutye。
AmongstthosewhohavebeenprodigalinabuseanddefamationofLavengro,havebeenyourmodernRadicals,andparticularlyasetofpeoplewhofilledthecountrywithnoiseagainsttheKingandQueen,Wellington,andtheTories,in’32。Aboutthesepeoplethewriterwillpresentlyhaveoccasiontosayagooddeal,andalsoofrealRadicals。As,however,itmaybesupposedthatheisoneofthosewhodelighttoplaythesycophanttokingsandqueens,tocurryfavourwithTories,andtobepraiseWellington,hebegsleavetostatethatsuchisnotthecase。
Aboutkingsandqueenshehasnothingtosay;aboutTories,simplythathebelievesthemtobeabadset;aboutWellington,however,itwillbenecessaryforhimtosayagooddeal,ofmixedimport,ashewillsubsequentlyfrequentlyhaveoccasiontomentionhiminconnectionwithwhathehastosayaboutpseudo—Radicals。
CHAPTERX
Pseudo—Radicals。
ABOUTWellington,then,hesays,thathebelieveshimatthepresentdaytobeinfinitelyoverrated。Buttherecertainlywasatimewhenhewasshamefullyunderrated。Nowwhattimewasthat?Whythetimeofpseudo—Radicalism,parexcellence,from’20to’32。Oh,theabusethatwasheapedonWellingtonbythosewhotradedinRadicalcant—yournewspapereditorsandreviewwriters!andhowhewassneeredatthenbyyourWhigs,andhowfaintlysupportedhewasbyyourTories,whowerehalfashamedofhim;foryourTories,thoughcapitalfellowsasfollowers,whenyouwantnobodytobackyou,arethefaintestcreaturesintheworldwhenyoucryinyouragony,\"Comeandhelpme!\"Oh,assuredlyWellingtonwasinfamouslyusedatthattime,especiallybyyourtradersinRadicalism,whohowledatandhootedhim;saidhehadeveryvice—wasnogeneral—wasbeatenatWaterloo—wasapoltroon—moreoverapoorilliteratecreature,whocouldscarcelyreadorwrite;nay,aprincipalRadicalpapersaidboldlyhecouldnotread,anddevisedaningeniousplanforteachingWellingtonhowtoread。Nowthiswastoobad;andthewriter,beingaloverofjustice,frequentlyspokeupforWellington,saying,thatasforvice,hewasnotworsethanhisneighbours;thathewasbrave;thathewonthefightatWaterloo,fromahalf—deadman,itistrue,butthathedidwinit。Also,thathebelievedhehadread\"RulesfortheManualandPlatoonExercises\"tosomepurpose;moreover,thathewassurehecouldwrite,forthathethewriterhadoncewrittentoWellington,andhadreceivedananswerfromhim;
nay,thewriteroncewentsofarastostrikeablowforWellington;forthelasttimeheusedhisfistswasuponaRadicalsub—editor,whowasmobbingWellingtoninthestreet,frombehindarankofgrimyfellows;butthoughthewriterspokeupforWellingtontoacertainextent,whenhewasshamefullyunderrated,andoncestruckablowforhimwhenhewasaboutbeinghustled,heisnotgoingtojoinintheloathsomesycophanticnonsensewhichithasbeenthefashiontousewithrespecttoWellingtontheselasttwentyyears。
NowwhathavethoseyearsbeentoEngland!Whytheyearsofultra—gentility,everybodyinEnglandhavinggonegentilitymadduringthelasttwentyyears,andnopeoplemoresothanyourpseudo—Radicals。Wellingtonwasturnedout,andyourWhigsandRadicalsgotin,andthencommencedtheperiodofultra—gentilityinEngland。TheWhigsandRadicalsonlyhatedWellingtonaslongasthepatronageofthecountrywasinhishands,noneofwhichtheyweretolerablysurehewouldbestowonthem;butnosoonerdidtheygetitintotheirown,thantheyforthwithbecameadmirersofWellington。Andwhy?
Becausehewasaduke,pettedatWindsorandbyforeignprinces,andaverygenteelpersonage。FormerlymanyofyourWhigsandRadicalshadscarcelyadecentcoatontheirbacks;
butnowtheplunderofthecountrywasattheirdisposal,andtheyhadasgoodachanceofbeinggenteelasanypeople。SotheywerewillingtoworshipWellingtonbecausehewasverygenteel,andcouldnotkeeptheplunderofthecountryoutoftheirhands。AndWellingtonhasbeenworshipped,andprettilyso,duringthelastfifteenortwentyyears。Heisnowanoblefine—heartedcreature;thegreatestgeneraltheworldeverproduced;thebravestofmen;and—and—mercyuponus!thegreatestofmilitarywriters!Nowthepresentwriterwillnotjoininsuchsycophancy。AshewasnotafraidtotakethepartofWellingtonwhenhewasscurvilyusedbyallparties,andwhenitwasdangeroustotakehispart,soheisnotafraidtospeakthenakedtruthaboutWellingtoninthesedays,whenitisdangeroustosayanythingabouthimbutwhatissycophanticallylaudatory。Hesaidin’32,thatastovice,Wellingtonwasnotworsethanhisneighbours;butheisnotgoingtosay,in’54,thatWellingtonwasanoble—heartedfellow;forhebelievesthatamorecold—heartedindividualneverexisted。HisconducttoWarner,thepoorVaudois,andMarshalNey,showedthat。Hesaid,in’32,thathewasagoodgeneralandabraveman;butheisnotgoing,in’54,tosaythathewasthebestgeneral,orthebravestmantheworldeversaw。Englandhasproducedabettergeneral—Francetwoorthree—bothcountriesmanybravermen。ThesonoftheNorfolkclergymanwasabraveman;MarshalNeywasabraverman。Oh,thatbattleofCopenhagen!Oh,thatcoveringtheretreatoftheGrandArmy!
Andthoughhesaidin’32thathecouldwrite,heisnotgoingtosayin’54thatheisthebestofallmilitarywriters。Onthecontrary,hedoesnothesitatetosaythatanyCommentaryofJuliusCaesar,oranychapterinJustinus,moreespeciallytheoneabouttheParthians,isworththetenvolumesofWellington’sDespatches;thoughhehasnodoubtthat,bysayingso,heshallespeciallyrousetheindignationofacertainnewspaper,atpresentoneofthemostgenteeljournalsimaginable—withaslighttendencytoLiberalism,itistrue,butperfectlygenteel—whichisneverthelesstheveryonewhich,in’32,sworebodilythatWellingtoncouldneitherreadnorwrite,anddevisedaningeniousplanforteachinghimhowtoread。
Now,aftertheabovestatement,noonewillventuretosay,ifthewritershouldbedisposedtobearharduponRadicals,thathewouldbeinfluencedbyadesiretopaycourttoprinces,ortocurryfavourwithTories,orfrombeingablindadmireroftheDukeofWellington;butthewriterisnotgoingtodeclaimagainstRadicals,thatis,realRepublicans,ortheirprinciples;uponthewhole,heissomethingofanadmirerofboth。Thewriterhasalwayshadasmuchadmirationforeverythingthatisrealandhonestashehashadcontemptfortheopposite。NowrealRepublicanismiscertainlyaveryfinething,amuchfinerthingthanToryism,asystemofcommonrobbery,whichisneverthelessfarbetterthanWhiggism(7)—acompoundofpettylarceny,popularinstruction,andreceivingofstolengoods。Yes,realRepublicanismiscertainlyaveryfinething,andyourrealRadicalsandRepublicansarecertainlyveryfinefellows,orratherwerefinefellows,fortheLordonlyknowswheretofindthematthepresentday—thewriterdoesnot。
Ifhedid,hewouldatanytimegofivemilestoinviteoneofthemtodinner,evensupposingthathehadtogotoaworkhouseinordertofindthepersonhewishedtoinvite。
AmongsttherealRadicalsofEngland,thosewhoflourishedfromtheyear’16to’20,therewerecertainlyextraordinarycharacters,menpartiallyinsane,perhaps,buthonestandbrave—theydidnotmakeamarketoftheprincipleswhichtheyprofessed,andneverintendedtodoso;theybelievedinthem,andwerewillingtorisktheirlivesinendeavouringtocarrythemout。Thewriterwishestospeakinparticularoftwoofthesemen,bothofwhomperishedonthescaffold—
theirnameswereThistlewoodandIngs。Thistlewood,thebestknownofthem,wasabravesoldier,andhadservedwithdistinctionasanofficerintheFrenchservice;hewasoneoftheexcellentswordsmenofEurope;hadfoughtseveralduelsinFrance,whereitisnochild’splaytofightaduel;
buthadneverunsheathedhisswordforsinglecombat,butindefenceofthefeebleandinsulted—hewaskindandopen—
hearted,butoftoogreatsimplicity;hehadoncetenthousandpoundslefthim,allofwhichhelenttoafriend,whodisappearedandneverreturnedapenny。Ingswasanuneducatedman,ofverylowstature,butamazingstrengthandresolution;hewasakindhusbandandfather,andthoughahumblebutcher,thenameheborewasoneoftheroyalnamesoftheheathenAnglo—Saxons。Thesetwomen,alongwithfiveothers,wereexecuted,andtheirheadshackedoff,forlevyingwaragainstGeorgetheFourth;thewholesevendyinginamannerwhichextortedcheersfromthepopulace;themostofthenutteringphilosophicalorpatrioticsayings。
Thistlewood,whowas,perhaps,themostcalmandcollectedofall,justbeforehewasturnedoff,said,\"Wearenowgoingtodiscoverthegreatsecret。\"Ings,themomentbeforehewaschoked,wassinging\"Scotswhaha’wi’Wallacebled。\"
Nowtherewasnohumbugaboutthosemen,noraboutmanymoreofthesametimeandofthesameprinciples。TheymightbedeludedaboutRepublicanism,asAlgernonSidneywas,andasBrutuswas,buttheywereashonestandbraveaseitherBrutusorSidney;andaswillingtodiefortheirprinciples。
ButtheRadicalswhosucceededthemwerebeingsofaverydifferentdescription;theyjobbedandtradedinRepublicanism,andeitherpartedwithit,oratthepresentdayareeagertopartwithitforaconsideration。InordertogettheWhigsintopower,andthemselvesplaces,theybroughtthecountrybytheirinflammatorylanguagetothevergeofarevolution,andwerethecausethatmanyperishedonthescaffold;bytheirincendiaryharanguesandnewspaperarticlestheycausedtheBristolconflagration,forwhichsixpoorcreatureswereexecuted;theyencouragedthemobtopillage,pulldownandburn,andthenrushingintogarretslookedon。ThistlewoodtellsthemobtheTowerisasecondBastile;letitbepulleddown。AmobtriestopulldowntheTower;butThistlewoodisattheheadofthatmob;heisnotpeepingfromagarretonTowerHilllikeGulliveratLisbon。
ThistlewoodandIngssaytotwentyraggedindividuals,LiverpoolandCastlereagharetwosatellitesofdespotism;itwouldbehighlydesirabletoputthemoutoftheway。AndacertainnumberofraggedindividualsaresurprisedinastableinCatoStreet,makingpreparationstoputCastlereaghandLiverpooloutoftheway,andarefireduponwithmusketsbyGrenadiers,andarehackedatwithcutlassesbyBowStreetrunners;butthetwainwhoencouragedthoseraggedindividualstomeetinCatoStreetarenotfaroff,theyarenotontheothersideoftheriver,intheBorough,forexample,insomegarretorobscurecellar。TheveryfirsttoconfronttheGuardsandrunnersareThistlewoodandIngs;
ThistlewoodwhipshislongthinrapierthroughSmithers’
lungs,andIngsmakesadashatFitzclarencewithhisbutcher’sknife。Oh,therewassomethinginthosefellows!
honestyandcourage—butcanasmuchbesaidfortheincitersofthetroublesof’32?No;theyeggedonpoorignorantmechanicsandrustics,andgotthemhangedforpullingdownandburning,whilstthehighestpitchtowhichtheirowndaringevermountedwastomobWellingtonashepassedinthestreets。
Now,thesepeoplewerehumbugs,whichThistlewoodandIngswerenot。Theyravedandfoamedagainstkings,queens,Wellington,thearistocracy,andwhatnot,tilltheyhadgottheWhigsintopower,withwhomtheywereinsecretalliance,andwithwhomtheyafterwardsopenlyjoinedinasystemofrobberyandcorruption,moreflagitiousthantheoldToryone,becausetherewasmorecantaboutit;forthemselvestheygotconsulships,commissionerships,andinsomeinstancesgovernments;fortheirsonsclerkshipsinpublicoffices;andthereyoumayseethosesonswiththenever—
failingbadgeofthelowscoundrel—puppy,thegiltchainatthewaistcoatpocket;andthereyoumayhearandseethemusingthelanguishingtones,andemployingtheairsandgraceswhichwenchesuseandemploy,who,withoutbeinginthefamilyway,wishtomaketheirkeepersbelievethattheyareinthefamilyway。AssuredlygreatistheclevernessofyourRadicalsof’32,inprovidingforthemselvesandtheirfamilies。Yet,cleverastheyare,thereisonethingtheycannotdo—theygetgovernmentsforthemselves,commissionershipsfortheirbrothers,clerkshipsfortheirsons,butthereisonethingbeyondtheircraft—theycannotgethusbandsfortheirdaughters,who,toouglyformarriage,andwiththeirheadsfilledwiththenonsensetheyhaveimbibedfromgentility—novels,gooverfromSocinustothePope,becomingsistersinfustyconvents,orhavingheardafewsermonsinMr。Platitude’s\"chapelle,\"seekforadmissionattheestablishmentofmotherS—,who,afteremployingthemforatimeinvariousmenialoffices,andmakingthempluckofftheireyebrowshairbyhair,generallydismissesthemonthepleaofsluttishness;whereupontheyreturntotheirpapastoeatthebreadofthecountry,withthecomfortableprospectofeatingitstillintheshapeofapensionaftertheirsiresaredead。Papa(exunodisceomnes)livingasquietlyashecan;notexactlyenviably,itistrue,beingnowandthenseentocastanuneasyandfurtiveglancebehind,evenasananimaliswont,whohaslostbysomemischanceaveryslightappendage;asquietlyhoweverashecan,andasdignifiedly,agreatadmirerofeverygenteelthingandgenteelpersonage,theDukeinparticular,whose\"Despatches,\"boundinredmorocco,youwillfindonhistable。Adislikerofcoarseexpressions,andextremesofeverykind,withaperfecthorrorforrevolutionsandattemptstorevolutionize,exclaimingnowandthen,asashriekescapesfromwhippedandbleedingHungary,agroanfromgaspingPoland,andahalf—stifledcursefromdown—