Atlast,moregentleandsmilingthanever,shecamedownstairsandsaid,\"Catherinedarling,hishonourtheCountismightyhungrythismorning,andvowshecouldpickthewingofafowl。Rundown,child,toFarmerBrigg’sandgetone:pluckitbeforeyoubringit,youknow,andwewillmakehisLordshipaprettybreakfast。\"
Catherinetookupherbasket,andawayshewentbytheback—yard,throughthestables。Theresheheardthelittlehorse—boywhistlingandhissingafterthemannerofhorseboys;andthereshelearnedthatMrs。Scorehadbeeninventinganingeniousstorytohaveheroutoftheway。Theostlersaidhewasjustgoingtoleadthetwohorsesroundtothedoor。TheCorporalhadbeen,andtheywereabouttostartontheinstantforStratford。
ThefactwasthatCountGustavusAdolphus,farfromwishingtopickthewingofafowl,hadrisenwithahorrorandloathingforeverythingintheshapeoffood,andforanyliquorstrongerthansmallbeer。Ofthishehaddrunkacup,andsaidheshouldrideimmediatelytoStratford;andwhen,onorderinghishorses,hehadaskedpolitelyofthelandlady\"whythed————SHEalwayscameup,andwhyshedidnotsendthegirl,\"Mrs。ScoreinformedtheCountthatherCatherinewasgoneoutforawalkalongwiththeyoungmantowhomshewastobemarried,andwouldnotbevisiblethatday。
OnhearingthistheCaptainorderedhishorsesthatmoment,andabusedthewine,thebed,thehouse,thelandlady,andeverythingconnectedwiththe\"BugleInn。\"
Outthehorsescame:thelittleboysofthevillagegatheredround;
therecruits,withbunchesofribandsintheirbeavers,appearedpresently;CorporalBrockcameswaggeringout,and,slappingthepleasedblacksmithontheback,badehimmounthishorse;whiletheboyshurrah’d。ThentheCaptaincameout,gloomyandmajestic;tohimMr。Brockmadeamilitarysalute,whichclumsily,andwithmuchgrinning,therecruitsimitated。\"Ishallwalkonwiththesebravefellows,yourhonour,andmeetyouatStratford,\"saidtheCorporal。
\"Good,\"saidtheCaptain,ashemounted。Thelandladycurtseyed;
thechildrenhurrah’dmore;thelittlehorse—boy,whoheldthebridlewithonehandandthestirrupwiththeother,andexpectedacrown—piecefromsuchanoblegentleman,gotonlyakickandacurse,asCountvonGalgensteinshouted,\"D—————youall,getoutoftheway!\"andgallopedoff;andJohnHayes,whohadbeensneakingabouttheinnallthemorning,feltaweightoffhisheartwhenhesawtheCaptainrideoffalone。
OfoolishMrs。Score!OdoltofaJohnHayes!IfthelandladyhadallowedtheCaptainandthemaidtohavetheirway,andmeetbutforaminutebeforerecruits,sergeant,andall,itisprobablethatnoharmwouldhavebeendone,andthatthishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten。
WhenCountvonGalgensteinhadriddenhalfamileontheStratfordroad,lookingasblackanddismalasNapoleongallopingfromtheromanticvillageofWaterloo,heespied,afewscoreyardsonwards,attheturnoftheroad,acertainobjectwhichcausedhimtocheckhishorsesuddenly,broughtatinglingredintohischeeks,andmadehishearttogothump——thump!againsthisside。Ayounglasswassaunteringslowlyalongthefootpath,withabasketswingingfromonehand,andabunchofhedge—flowersintheother。Shestoppedonceortwicetoaddafreshonetohernosegay,andmighthaveseenhim,theCaptainthought;butno,sheneverlookeddirectlytowardshim,andstillwalkedon。Sweetinnocent!shewassingingasifnonewerenear;hervoicewentsoaringuptotheclearsky,andtheCaptainputhishorseonthegrass,thatthesoundofthehoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic。
\"Whenthekinehadgivenapailful,Andthesheepcamebleatinghome,Poll,whoknewitwouldbehealthful,Wenta—walkingoutwithTom。
Handinhand,sir,ontheland,sir,Astheywalkedtoandfro,TommadejollylovetoPolly,Butwasansweredno,no,no。\"
TheCaptainhadputhishorseonthegrass,thatthesoundofhishoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic;andnowhepusheditsheadontothebank,wherestraightway\"GeorgeofDenmark\"beganchewingofsuchasaladasgrewthere。AndnowtheCaptainslidoffstealthily;andsmilingcomically,andhitchinguphisgreatjack—boots,andmovingforwardwithajerkingtiptoestep,he,justasshewastrillingthelasto—o—oofthelastnointheabovepoemofTomD’Urfey,cameuptoher,andtouchingherlightlyonthewaist,said,\"Mydear,yourveryhumbleservant。\"
Mrs。Catherine(youknowyouhavefoundheroutlongago!)gaveascreamandastart,andwouldhaveturnedpaleifshecould。Asitwas,sheonlyshookallover,andsaid,\"Oh,sir,howyouDIDfrightenme!\"
\"Frightenyou,myrosebud!why,runmethrough,I’ddieratherthanfrightenyou。Gad,child,tellmenow,amIsoVERYfrightful?\"
\"Ohno,yourhonour,Ididn’tmeanthat;onlyIwasn’tthinkingtomeetyouhere,orthatyouwouldridesoearlyatall:for,ifyouplease,sir,IwasgoingtofetchachickenforyourLordship’sbreakfast,asmymistresssaidyouwouldlikeone;andIthought,insteadofgoingtoFarmerBrigg’s,downBirminghamway,asshetoldme,I’dgotoFarmerBird’s,wherethechickensisbetter,sir,——myLord,Imean。\"
\"SaidI’dlikeachickenforbreakfast,theoldcat!why,ItoldherIwouldnoteatamorseltosaveme——Iwassodru——ImeanIatesuchagoodsupperlastnight——andIbadehertosendmeapotofsmallbeer,andtotellyoutobringit;andthewretchsaidyouweregoneoutwithyoursweetheart——\"
\"What!JohnHayes,thecreature?Oh,whatanaughtystory—tellingwoman!\"
\"——Youhadwalkedoutwithyoursweetheart,andIwasnottoseeyouanymore;andIwasmadwithrage,andreadytokillmyself;Iwas,mydear。\"
\"Oh,sir!pray,PRAYdon’t。\"
\"Foryoursake,mysweetangel?\"
\"Yes,formysake,ifsuchapoorgirlasmecanpersuadenoblegentlemen。\"
\"Well,then,forYOURsake,Iwon’t;no,I’lllive;butwhylive?
Hellandfury,ifIdoliveI’mmiserablewithoutyou;Iam,——youknowIam,——youadorable,beautiful,cruel,wickedCatherine!\"
Catherine’sreplytothiswas\"La,blessme!Idobelieveyourhorseisrunningaway。\"Andsohewas!forhavingfinishedhismealinthehedge,hefirstlookedtowardshismasterandpaused,asitwere,irresolutely;then,byasuddenimpulse,flinginguphistailandhishindlegs,hescampereddowntheroad。
Mrs。Hallranlightlyafterthehorse,andtheCaptainafterMrs。
Hall;andthehorseranquickerandquickereverymoment,andmighthaveledthemalongchase,——whenlo!debouchingfromatwistintheroad,camethedetachmentofcavalryandinfantryunderMr。Brock。
Themomenthewasoutofsightofthevillage,thatgentlemanhaddesiredtheblacksmithtodismount,andhadhimselfjumpedintothesaddle,maintainingthesubordinationofhisarmybydrawingapistolandswearingthathewouldblowoutthebrainsofanypersonwhoattemptedtorun。WhentheCaptain’shorsecamenearthedetachmenthepaused,andsufferedhimselftobecaughtbyTummasBullock,whoheldhimuntiltheownerandMrs。Catherinecameup。
Mr。Bullocklookedcomicallygravewhenhesawthepair;buttheCorporalgraciouslysalutedMrs。Catherine,andsaiditwasafinedayforwalking。
\"La,sir,andsoitis,\"saidshe,pantinginaveryprettyanddistressingway,\"butnotforRUNNING。Idoprotest——ha!——andvowthatIreallycanscarcelystand。I’msotiredofrunningafterthatnaughtynaughtyhorse!\"
\"Howdo,Cattern?\"saidThomas。\"Zee,Ibegoingazouldieringbecausetheewouldn’thaveme。\"AndhereMr。Bullockgrinned。Mrs。
Catherinemadenosortofreply,butprotestedoncemoresheshoulddieofrunning。Ifthetruthweretold,shewassomewhatvexedatthearrivaloftheCorporal’sdetachment,andhadhadveryseriousthoughtsoffindingherselfquitetiredjustashecameinsight。
AsuddenthoughtbroughtasmileofbrightsatisfactionintheCaptain’seyes。HemountedthehorsewhichTummasstillheld。
\"TIRED,MrsCatherine,\"saidhe,\"andformysake?Byheavens!youshan’twalkastepfarther。No,youshallridebackwithaguardofhonour!Backtothevillage,gentlemen!——rightaboutface!Showthosefellows,Corporal,howtorightaboutface。Now,mydear,mountbehindmeonSnowball;he’seasyasasedan。Putyourdearlittlefootonthetoeofmyboot。Therenow,——up!——jump!hurrah!\"
\"THAT’Snottheway,Captain,\"shoutedoutThomas,stillholdingontothereinasthehorsebegantomove。\"Theewoan’tgoowithhim,willthee,Catty?\"
ButMrs。Catherine,thoughsheturnedawayherhead,neverletgoherholdroundtheCaptain’swaist;andhe,swearingadreadfuloathatThomas,struckhimacrossthefaceandhandswithhisridingwhip。Thepoorfellow,whoatthefirstcutstillheldontotherein,droppeditatthesecond,andasthepairgallopedoff,satdownontheroadsideandfairlybegantoweep。
\"MARCH,youdog!\"shoutedouttheCorporalaminuteafter。Andsohedid:andwhennexthesawMrs。CatherinesheWAStheCaptain’sladysureenough,andworeagreyhat,withabluefeather,andredriding—coattrimmedwithsilverlace。ButThomaswasthenonabare—backedhorse,whichCorporalBrockwasflankingroundaring,andhewassooccupiedlookingbetweenhishorse’searsthathehadnotimetocrythen,andatlengthgotthebetterofhisattachment。
***
ThisbeingagoodopportunityforclosingChapterI,weought,perhaps,tomakesomeapologiestothepublicforintroducingthemtocharactersthataresoutterlyworthless;asweconfessallourheroes,withtheexceptionofMr。Bullock,tobe。Inthiswehaveconsultednatureandhistory,ratherthantheprevailingtasteandthegeneralmannerofauthors。Theamusingnovelof\"ErnestMaltravers,\"forinstance,openswithaseduction;butthenitisperformedbypeopleofthestrictestvirtueonbothsides:andthereissomuchreligionandphilosophyintheheartoftheseducer,somuchtenderinnocenceinthesouloftheseduced,that——
blessthelittledears!——theirverypeccadilloesmakeoneinterestedinthem;andtheirnaughtinessbecomesquitesacred,sodeliciouslyisitdescribed。Now,ifweAREtobeinterestedbyrascallyactions,letushavethemwithplainfaces,andletthembeperformed,notbyvirtuousphilosophers,butbyrascals。Anothercleverclassofnovelistsadoptthecontrarysystem,andcreateinterestbymakingtheirrascalsperformvirtuousactions。Againstthesepopularplansweheresolemnlyappeal。Wesay,letyourroguesinnovelsactlikerogues,andyourhonestmenlikehonestmen;don’tletushaveanyjugglingandthimble—riggingwithvirtueandvice,sothat,attheendofthreevolumes,thebewilderedreadershallnotknowwhichiswhich;don’tletusfindourselveskindlingatthegenerousqualitiesofthieves,andsympathisingwiththerascalitiesofnoblehearts。Forourownpart,weknowwhatthepubliclikes,andhavechosenroguesforourcharacters,andhavetakenastoryfromthe\"NewgateCalendar,\"whichwehopetofollowouttoedification。Amongtherogues,atleast,wewillhavenothingthatshallbemistakenforvirtues。AndiftheBritishpublic(aftercallingforthreeorfoureditions)shallgiveup,notonlyourrascals,buttherascalsofallotherauthors,weshallbecontent:——weshallapplytoGovernmentforapension,andthinkthatourdutyisdone。
CHAPTERII。INWHICHAREDEPICTEDTHEPLEASURESOFASENTIMENTAL
ATTACHMENT。
Itwillnotbenecessary,forthepurposeofthishistory,tofollowoutverycloselyalltheadventureswhichoccurredtoMrs。Catherinefromtheperiodwhenshequittedthe\"Bugle\"andbecametheCaptain’slady;foralthoughitwouldbejustaseasytoshowasnot,thattheyoungwoman,byfollowingthemanofherheart,hadonlyyieldedtoaninnocentimpulse,andbyremainingwithhimforacertainperiod,hadprovedthedepthandstrengthofheraffectionforhim,——althoughwemightmakeverytenderandeloquentapologiesfortheerrorofbothparties,thereadermightpossiblybedisgustedatsuchdescriptionsandsucharguments:which,besides,arealreadydonetohishandinthenovelof\"ErnestMaltravers\"
beforementioned。
Fromthegentleman’smannertowardsMrs。Catherine,andfromhisbrilliantandimmediatesuccess,thereaderwilldoubtlesshaveconcluded,inthefirstplace,thatGustavusAdolphushadnotaveryviolentaffectionforMrs。Cat;inthesecondplace,thathewasaprofessionallady—killer,andthereforelikelyatsomeperiodtoresumehisprofession;thirdly,andtoconclude,thataconnectionsobegun,must,inthenatureofthings,belikelytoendspeedily。
Andso,todotheCountjustice,itwould,ifhehadbeenallowedtofollowhisowninclinationentirely;for(asmanyyounggentlemenwill,andyetnopraisetothem)inaboutaweekhebegantobeindifferent,inamonthtobeweary,intwomonthstobeangry,inthreetoproceedtoblowsandcurses;and,inshort,torepentmostbitterlythehourwhenhehadeverbeeninducedtopresentMrs。
Catherinethetoeofhisboot,forthepurposeofliftingherontohishorse。
\"Egad!\"saidhetotheCorporaloneday,whenconfidinghisgriefstoMr。Brock,\"Iwishmytoehadbeencutoffbeforeeveritservedasaladdertothislittlevixen。\"
\"Orperhapsyourhonourwouldwishtokickherdownstairswithit?\"
delicatelysuggestedMr。Brock。
\"Kickher!why,thewenchwouldholdsofastbythebanistersthatI
COULDnotkickherdown,Mr。Brock。Totellyouabitofasecret,IHAVEtriedasmuch——nottokickher——no,no,notkickher,certainly:that’sungentlemanly——buttoINDUCEhertogobacktothatcursedpot—housewherewefellinwithher。Ihavegivenhermanyhints——\"
\"Oh,yes,Isawyourhonourgiveheroneyesterday——withamugofbeer。Bythelaws,asthealerunalldownherface,andsheclutchedaknifetorunatyou,Idon’tthinkIeversawsuchashe—devil!Thatwomanwilldoforyourhonoursomeday,ifyouprovokeher。\"
\"DoforME?No,hangit,Mr。Brock,never!Sheloveseveryhairofmyhead,sir:sheworshipsme,Corporal。Egad,yes!sheworshipsme;andwouldmuchsoonerapplyaknifetoherownweasandthanscratchmylittlefinger!\"
\"Ithinkshedoes,\"saidMr。Brock。
\"I’msureofit,\"saidtheCaptain。\"Women,lookyou,arelikedogs,theyliketobeill—treated:theylikeit,sir;Iknowtheydo。IneverhadanythingtodowithawomaninmylifebutI
ill—treatedher,andshelikedmethebetter。\"
\"Mrs。HalloughttobeVERYfondofyouthen,sureenough!\"saidMr。
Corporal。
\"Veryfond;——ha,ha!Corporal,youwagyou——andsosheISveryfond。
Yesterday,aftertheknife—and—beerscene——nowonderIthrewtheliquorinherface:itwassodev’lishflatthatnogentlemancoulddrinkit:andItoldhernevertodrawittilldinner—time——\"
\"Oh,itwasenoughtoputanangelinafury!\"saidBrock。
\"Well,yesterday,aftertheknifebusiness,whenyouhadgotthecarveroutofherhand,offsheflingstoherbedroom,willnoteatabitofdinnerforsooth,andremainslockedupforacoupleofhours。Attwoo’clockafternoon(Iwasoveratankard),outcomesthelittleshe—devil,herfacepale,hereyesbleared,andthetipofhernoseasredasfirewithsnifflingandweeping。Makingformyhand,’Max,’saysshe,’willyouforgiveme?’’What!’saysI。
’Forgiveamurderess?’saysI。’No,curseme,never!’’Yourcrueltywillkillme,’sobbedshe。’Crueltybehanged!’saysI;
’didn’tyoudrawthatbeeranhourbeforedinner?’ShecouldsaynothingtoTHIS,youknow,andIsworethateverytimeshedidso,I
wouldflingitintoherfaceagain。Whereuponbacksheflouncedtoherchamber,wheresheweptandstormeduntilnight—time。\"
\"Whenyouforgaveher?\"
\"IDIDforgiveher,that’spositive。YouseeIhadsuppedatthe’Rose’alongwithTomTrippetandhalf—a—dozenprettyfellows;andI
hadeasedagreatfat—headedWarwickshirelandjunker——whatd’yecallhim?——squire,offortypieces;andI’mdev’lishgood—humouredwhenI’vewon,andsoCatandImadeitup:butI’vetaughthernevertobringmestalebeeragain——ha,ha!\"
Thisconversationwillexplain,agreatdealbetterthananydescriptionofours,howevereloquent,thestateofthingsasbetweenCountMaximilianandMrs。Catherine,andthefeelingswhichtheyentertainedforeachother。Thewomanlovedhim,thatwasthefact。And,aswehaveshowninthepreviouschapterhowJohnHayes,amean—spiritedfellowaseverbreathed,inrespectofallotherpassionsapigmy,wasinthepassionofloveagiant,andfollowedMrs。Catherinewithafuriouslongingwhichmightseematthefirsttobeforeigntohisnature;inthelikemanner,andplayingatcross—purposes,Mrs。HallhadbecomesmittenoftheCaptain;and,ashesaidtruly,onlylikedhimthebetterforthebrutalitywhichshereceivedathishands。Foritismyopinion,madam,thatloveisabodilyinfirmity,fromwhichhumankindcannomoreescapethanfromsmall—pox;andwhichattackseveryoneofus,fromthefirstdukeinthePeeragedowntoJackKetchinclusive:whichhasnorespectforrank,virtue,orrogueryinman,butsetseachinhisturninafever;whichbreaksoutthedeuceknowshoworwhy,and,ragingitsappointedtime,fillseachindividualoftheonesexwithablindfuryandlongingforsomeoneoftheother(whomaybepure,gentle,blue—eyed,beautiful,andgood;orvile,shrewish,squinting,hunchbacked,andhideous,accordingtocircumstancesandluck);
whichdiesaway,perhaps,inthenaturalcourse,iflefttohaveitsway,butwhichcontradictioncausestoragemorefuriouslythanever。Isnothistory,fromtheTrojanwarupwardsanddownwards,fullofinstancesofsuchstrangeinexplicablepassions?WasnotHelen,bythemostmoderatecalculation,ninetyyearsofagewhenshewentoffwithHisRoyalHighnessPrinceParisofTroy?WasnotMadameLaValliereill—made,blear—eyed,tallow—complexioned,scraggy,andwithhairliketow?WasnotWilkestheugliest,charmingest,mostsuccessfulmanintheworld?Suchinstancesmightbecarriedoutsoastofillavolume;butcuibono?Loveisfate,andnotwill;itsoriginnottobeexplained,itsprogressirresistible:andthebestproofofthismaybehadatBowStreetanyday,whereifyouaskanyofficeroftheestablishmenthowtheytakemostthieves,hewilltellyouatthehousesofthewomen。
Theymustseethedearcreaturesthoughtheyhangforit;theywilllove,thoughtheyhavetheirnecksinthehalter。Andwithregardtotheotherposition,thatill—usageonthepartofthemandoesnotdestroytheaffectionofthewoman,havewenotnumberlesspolice—reports,showinghow,whenabystanderwouldbeatahusbandforbeatinghiswife,manandwifefalltogetherontheinterloperandpunishhimforhismeddling?
Thesepoints,then,beingsettledtothesatisfactionofallparties,thereaderwillnotbedisposedtoquestiontheassertionthatMrs。HallhadarealaffectionforthegallantCount,andgrew,asMr。Brockwaspleasedtosay,likeabeefsteak,moretenderasshewasthumped。Poorthing,poorthing!hisflashyairsandsmartlookshadovercomeherinasinglehour;andnomoreiswantedtoplungeintoloveoverheadandears;nomoreiswantedtomakeafirstlovewith——andawoman’sfirstlovelastsFOREVER(aman’stwenty—fourthortwenty—fifthisperhapsthebest):youcan’tkillit,dowhatyouwill;ittakesroot,andlivesandevengrows,nevermindwhatthesoilmaybeinwhichitisplanted,orthebitterweatheritmustbear——oftenasonehasseenawallflowergrow——outofastone。
Inthefirstweeksoftheirunion,theCounthadatleastbeenliberaltoher:shehadahorseandfineclothes,andreceivedabroadsomeofthoseflatteringattentionswhichsheheldatsuchhighprice。Hehad,however,someill—luckatplay,orhadbeenforcedtopaysomebills,orhadsomeothersatisfactoryreasonforbeingpoor,andhisestablishmentwasveryspeedilydiminished。Hearguedthat,asMrs。Catherinehadbeenaccustomedtowaitonothersallherlife,shemightnowwaituponherselfandhim;andwhentheincidentofthebeerarose,shehadbeenforsometimeemployedastheCount’shousekeeper,withunlimitedsuperintendenceoverhiscomfort,hiscellar,hislinen,andsuchmattersasbachelorsaredelightedtomakeovertoactivefemalehands。Todothepoorwretchjustice,sheactuallykepttheman’smenageinthebestorder;norwasthereanypointofextravagancewithwhichshecouldbecharged,exceptalittleextravaganceofdressdisplayedontheveryfewoccasionswhenhecondescendedtowalkabroadwithher,andextravaganceoflanguageandpassioninthefrequentquarrelstheyhadtogether。Perhapsinsuchaconnectionassubsistedbetweenthispreciouscouple,thesefaultsareinevitableonthepartofthewoman。Shemustbesillyandvain,andwillprettysurelythereforebefondofdress;andshemust,disguiseitasshewill,beperpetuallymiserableandbroodingoverherfall,whichwillcausehertobeviolentandquarrelsome。
Such,atleast,wasMrs。Hall;andveryearlydidthepoorvainmisguidedwretchbegintoreapwhatshehadsown。
Foraman,remorseunderthesecircumstancesisperhapsuncommon。
NostigmaaffixesonHIMforbetrayingawoman;nobitterpangsofmortifiedvanity;noinsultinglooksofsuperiorityfromhisneighbour,andnosentenceofcontemptuousbanishmentisreadagainsthim;theseallfallonthetempted,andnotonthetempter,whoispermittedtogofree。Thechiefthingthatamanlearnsafterhavingsuccessfullypractisedonawomanistodespisethepoorwretchwhomhehaswon。Thegame,infact,andtheglory,suchasitis,isallhis,andthepunishmentalonefallsuponher。
Considerthis,ladies,whencharmingyounggentlemencometowooyouwithsoftspeeches。Youhavenothingtowin,exceptwretchedness,andscorn,anddesertion。Considerthis,andbethankfultoyourSolomonsfortellingit。
Itcametopass,then,thattheCounthadcometohaveaperfectcontemptandindifferenceforMrs。Hall;——howshouldhenotforayoungpersonwhohadgivenherselfuptohimsoeasily?——andwouldhavebeenquitegladofanyopportunityofpartingwithher。Buttherewasacertainlingeringshameabouttheman,whichpreventedhimfromsayingatonceandabruptly,\"Go!\"andthepoorthingdidnotchoosetotakesuchhintsasfelloutinthecourseoftheirconversationandquarrels。Andsotheykeptontogether,hetreatingherwithsimpleinsult,andshehangingondesperately,bywhateverfeebletwigshecouldfind,totherockbeyondwhichallwasnaught,ordeath,toher。
Well,afterthenightwithTomTrippetandtheprettyfellowsatthe\"Rose,\"towhichwehaveheardtheCountalludeintheconversationjustrecorded,Fortunesmiledonhimagooddeal;fortheWarwickshiresquire,whohadlostfortypiecesonthatoccasion,insistedonhavinghisrevengethenightafter;when,strangetosay,ahundredandfiftymorefoundtheirwayintothepouchofhisExcellencytheCount。Suchasumasthisquitesettheyoungnoblemanafloatagain,andbroughtbackapleasingequanimitytohismind,whichhadbeenagooddealdisturbedintheformerdifficultcircumstances;andinthis,foralittleandtoacertainextent,poorCathadthehappinesstoshare。Hedidnotalterthestyleofhisestablishment,whichconsisted,asbefore,ofherselfandasmallpersonwhoactedasscourer,kitchen—wench,andscullion;Mrs。
Catherinealwaysputtingherhandtotheprincipalpiecesofthedinner;buthetreatedhismistresswithtolerablegood—humour;or,tospeakmorecorrectly,withsuchbearablebrutalityasmightbeexpectedfromamanlikehimtoawomaninhercondition。Besides,acertaineventwasabouttotakeplace,whichnotunusuallyoccursincircumstancesofthisnature,andMrs。Catherinewasexpectingsoontoliein。
TheCaptain,distrustingnaturallythestrengthofhisownpaternalfeelings,hadkindlyendeavouredtoprovideaparentforthecominginfant;andtothisendhadopenedanegotiationwithourfriendMr。
ThomasBullock,declaringthatMrs。Catshouldhaveafortuneoftwentyguineas,andremindingTummasofhisancientflameforher:
butMr。Tummas,whenthispropositionwasmadetohim,declinedit,withmanyoaths,andvowedthathewasperfectlysatisfiedwithhispresentbachelorcondition。Inthisdilemma,Mr。Brocksteppedforward,whodeclaredhimselfveryreadytoacceptMrs。Catherineandherfortune:andmightpossiblyhavebecomethepossessorofboth,hadnotMrs。Cat,themomentsheheardoftheproposedarrangement,withfireinhereyes,andrage——oh,howbitter!——inherheart,preventedthesuccessofthemeasurebyproceedingincontinentlytothefirstjusticeofthepeace,andthereswearingbeforehisworshipwhowasthefatherofthecomingchild。
Thisproceeding,whichshehadexpectedwouldcausenotalittleindignationonthepartofherlordandmaster,wasreceivedbyhim,strangelyenough,withconsiderablegood—humour:hesworethatthewenchhadservedhimagoodtrick,andwasratheramusedattheanger,theoutbreakoffiercerageandcontumely,andthewretchedwretchedtearsofheartsickdesperation,whichfollowedherannouncementofthissteptohim。ForMr。Brock,sherepelledhisofferwithscornandloathing,andtreatedthenotionofaunionwithMr。Bullockwithyetfiercercontempt。Marryhimindeed!aworkhousepaupercarryingabrown—bess!Shewouldhavediedsooner,shesaid,orrobbedonthehighway。Andso,todoherjustice,shewould:forthelittleminxwasoneofthevainestcreaturesinexistence,andvanity(asIpresumeeverybodyknows)becomesTHE
principleincertainwomen’shearts——theirmoralspectacles,theirconscience,theirmeatanddrink,theironlyruleofrightandwrong。
AsforMr。Tummas,he,aswehaveseen,wasquiteunfriendlytothepropositionasshecouldbe;andtheCorporal,withagooddealofcomicalgravity,vowedthat,ashecouldnotbesatisfiedinhisdearestwishes,hewouldtaketodrinkingforaconsolation:whichhestraightwaydid。
\"Come,Tummas,\"saidhetoMr。Bullock\"sinceweCAN’Thavethegirlofourhearts,why,hangit,Tummas,let’sdrinkherhealth!\"TowhichBullockhadnoobjection。AndsostronglydidthedisappointmentweighuponhonestCorporalBrock,thatevenwhen,afterunheard—ofquantitiesofbeer,hecouldscarcelyutteraword,hewasseenabsolutelytoweep,and,inaccentsalmostunintelligible,tocursehisconfoundedill—luckatbeingdeprived,notofawife,butofachild:hewantedoneso,hesaid,tocomforthiminhisoldage。
ThetimeofMrs。Catherine’scouchedrewnear,arrived,andwasgonethroughsafely。Shepresentedtotheworldachoppingboy,whomightuse,ifheliked,theGalgensteinarmswithabar—sinister;
andinhernewcaresanddutieshadnotsomanyopportunitiesasusualofquarrellingwiththeCount:who,perhaps,respectedhersituation,or,atleast,wassoproperlyawareofthenecessityofquiettoher,thatheabsentedhimselffromhomemorning,noon,andnight。
TheCaptainhad,itmustbeconfessed,turnedthesecontinuedabsencestoaconsiderableworldlyprofit,forheplayedincessantly;and,sincehisfirstvictoryovertheWarwickshireSquire,Fortunehadbeensofavourabletohim,thathehadatvariousintervalsamassedasumofnearlyathousandpounds,whichheusedtobringhomeashewon;andwhichhedepositedinastrongironchest,cunninglyscreweddownbyhimselfunderhisownbed。
ThisMrs。Catherineregularlymade,andthetreasureunderneathitcouldbenosecrettoher。However,thenobleCountkeptthekey,andboundherbymanysolemnoaths(thathedischargedatherhimself)nottorevealtoanyotherpersontheexistenceofthechestanditscontents。
Butitisnotinawoman’snaturetokeepsuchsecrets;andtheCaptain,wholeftherfordaysanddays,didnotreflectthatshewouldseekforconfidantselsewhere。Forwantofafemalecompanion,shewascompelledtobestowhersympathiesuponMr。
Brock;who,astheCount’scorporal,wasmuchinhislodgings,andwhodidmanagetosurvivethedisappointmentwhichhehadexperiencedbyMrs。Catherine’srefusalofhim。
Abouttwomonthsaftertheinfant’sbirth,theCaptain,whowasannoyedbyitssqualling,putitabroadtonurse,anddismisseditsattendant。Mrs。Catherinenowresumedherhouseholdduties,andwas,asbefore,atoncemistressandservantoftheestablishment。
Assuch,shehadthekeysofthebeer,andwasprettysureoftheattentionsoftheCorporal;whobecame,aswehavesaid,intheCount’sabsence,hislady’schieffriendandcompanion。Afterthemannerofladies,sheveryspeedilyconfidedtohimallherdomesticsecrets;thecausesofherformerdiscontent;theCount’sill—
treatmentofher;thewickednameshecalledher;thepricesthatallhergownshadcosther;howhebeather;howmuchmoneyhewonandlostatplay;howshehadoncepawnedacoatforhim;howhehadfournewones,laced,andpaidfor;whatwasthebestwayofcleaningandkeepinggold—lace,ofmakingcherry—brandy,picklingsalmon,etc。,etc。Herconfidencesuponallthesesubjectsusedtofolloweachotherinrapidsuccession;andMr。Brockbecame,erelong,quiteaswellacquaintedwiththeCaptain’shistoryforthelastyearastheCounthimself:——forhewascareless,andforgotthings;womenneverdo。Theychronicleallthelover’ssmallactions,hiswords,hisheadaches,thedresseshehasworn,thethingshehaslikedfordinneroncertaindays;——allwhichcircumstancescommonlyareexpungedfromthemalebrainimmediatelyaftertheyhaveoccurred,butremainfixedwiththefemale。
ToBrock,then,andtoBrockonly(forsheknewnoothersoul),Mrs。
Catbreathed,instrictestconfidence,thehistoryoftheCount’swinnings,andhiswayofdisposingofthem;howhekepthismoneyscreweddowninanironchestintheirroom;andaveryluckyfellowdidBrockconsiderhisofficerforhavingsuchalargesum。HeandCatlookedatthechest:itwassmall,butmightystrong,sureenough,andwoulddefypicklocksandthieves。Well,ifanymandeservedmoney,theCaptaindid(\"thoughhemightbuymeafewyardsofthatlaceIloveso,\"interruptedCat),——ifanymandeservedmoney,hedid,forhespentitlikeaprince,andhishandwasalwaysinhispocket。
ItmustnowbestatedthatMonsieurdeGalgensteinhad,duringCat’sseclusion,casthiseyesuponayoungladyofgoodfortune,whofrequentedtheAssemblyatBirmingham,andwhowasnotalittlesmittenbyhistitleandperson。The\"fournewcoats,laced,andpaidfor,\"asCatsaid,hadbeenpurchased,mostprobably,byhisExcellencyforthepurposeofdazzlingtheheiress;andheandthecoatshadsucceededsofarastowinfromtheyoungwomananactualprofessionoflove,andapromiseofmarriageprovidedPawouldconsent。Thiswasobtained,——forPawasatradesman;andIsupposeeveryoneofmyreadershasremarkedhowgreataneffectatitlehasonthelowerclasses。Yes,thankHeaven!thereisaboutafreebornBritonacringingbaseness,andlickspittleaweofrank,whichdoesnotexistunderanytyrannyinEurope,andisonlytobefoundhereandinAmerica。
AllthesenegotiationshadbeengoingonquiteunknowntoCat;and,astheCaptainhaddetermined,beforetwomonthswereout,toflingthatyoungwomanonthepave,hewaskindtoherinthemeanwhile:
peoplealwaysarewhentheyareswindlingyou,ormeditatinganinjuryagainstyou。
ThepoorgirlhadmuchtoohighanopinionofherowncharmstosuspectthattheCountcouldbeunfaithfultothem,andhadnonotionoftheplotthatwasformedagainsther。ButMr。Brockhad:
forhehadseenmanytimesagiltcoachwithapairoffatwhitehorsesamblingintheneighbourhoodofthetown,andtheCaptainonhisblacksteedcaracollingmajesticallybyitsside;andhehadremarkedafat,pudgy,pale—hairedwomantreadingheavilydownthestairsoftheAssembly,leaningontheCaptain’sarm:alltheseMr。
Brockhadseen,notwithoutreflection。Indeed,theCountoneday,ingreatgood—humour,hadslappedhimontheshoulderandtoldhimthathewasaboutspeedilytopurchasearegiment;when,byhisgreatgods,Mr。Brockshouldhaveapairofcolours。PerhapsthispromiseoccasionedhissilencetoMrs。Catherinehitherto;perhapsheneverwouldhavepeachedatall;andperhaps,therefore,thishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten,butforasmallcircumstancewhichoccurredatthisperiod。
\"WhatcanyouwantwiththatdrunkenoldCorporalalwaysaboutyourquarters?\"saidMr。TrippettotheCountoneday,astheysatovertheirwine,inthemidstofamerrycompany,attheCaptain’srooms。
\"What!\"saidhe。\"OldBrock?Theoldthiefhasbeenmoreusefultomethanmanyabetterman。Heisasbraveinarowasalion,ascunninginintrigueasafox;hecannoseadunataninconceivabledistance,andscentoutaprettywomanbeshebehindeversomanystonewalls。Ifagentlemanwantsagoodrascalnow,Icanrecommendhim。Iamgoingtoreform,youknow,andmustturnhimoutofmyservice。\"
\"AndprettyMrs。Cat?\"
\"Oh,curseprettyMrs。Cat!shemaygotoo。\"
\"Andthebrat?\"
\"Why,youhaveparishes,andwhatnot,hereinEngland。Egad!ifagentlemanwerecalledupontokeepallhischildren,therewouldbenoliving:no,stapmyvitals!Croesuscouldn’tstandit。\"
\"No,indeed,\"saidMr。Trippet:\"youareright;andwhenagentlemanmarries,heisboundinhonourtogiveupsuchlowconnectionsasareusefulwhenheisabachelor。\"
\"Ofcourse;andgivethemupIwill,whenthesweetMrs。Drippingismine。Asforthegirl,youcanhaveher,TomTrippet,ifyoutakeafancytoher;andasfortheCorporal,hemaybehandedovertomysuccessorinCutts’s:——forIwillhavearegimenttomyself,that’spoz;andtotakewithmesuchaswindling,pimping,thieving,brandy—facedrascalasthisBrockwillneverdo。Egad!he’sadisgracetotheservice。Asitis,I’veoftenamindtohavethesuperannuatedvagabonddrummedoutofthecorps。\"
AlthoughthisresumeofMr。Brock’scharacterandaccomplishmentswasveryjust,itcameperhapswithanillgracefromCountGustavusAdolphusMaximilian,whohadprofitedbyallhisqualities,andwhocertainlywouldneverhavegiventhisopinionofthemhadheknownthatthedoorofhisdining—parlourwasopen,andthatthegallantCorporal,whowasinthepassage,couldheareverysyllablethatfellfromthelipsofhiscommandingofficer。Weshallnotsay,afterthefashionofthestory—books,thatMr。Brocklistenedwithaflashingeyeandadistendednostril;thathischestheavedtumultuously,andthathishandfelldownmechanicallytohisside,whereitplayedwiththebrasshandleofhissword。Mr。KeanwouldhavegonethroughmostofthesebodilyexerciseshadhebeenactingthepartofavillainenragedanddisappointedlikeCorporalBrock;
butthatgentlemanwalkedawaywithoutanygesturesofanykind,andasgentlyaspossible。\"He’llturnmeoutoftheregiment,willhe?\"sayshe,quitepiano;andthenadded(conmoltaespressione),\"I’lldoforhim。\"
Anditistoberemarkedhowgenerally,incasesofthisnature,gentlemensticktotheirword。
CHAPTERIII。INWHICHANARCOTICISADMINISTERED,ANDAGREATDEAL
OFGENTEELSOCIETYDEPICTED。
WhentheCorporal,whohadretreatedtothestreet—doorimmediatelyonhearingtheaboveconversation,returnedtotheCaptain’slodgingsandpaidhisrespectstoMrs。Catherine,hefoundthatladyinhighgood—humour。TheCounthadbeenwithher,shesaid,alongwithafriendofhis,Mr。Trippet;hadpromisedhertwelveyardsofthelaceshecovetedsomuch;hadvowedthatthechildshouldhaveasmuchmoreforacloak;andhadnotleftheruntilhehadsatwithherforanhour,ormore,overabowlofpunch,whichhemadeonpurposeforher。Mr。Trippetstayedtoo。\"Amightypleasantman,\"
saidshe;\"onlynotverywise,andseeminglyagooddealinliquor。\"
\"Agooddealindeed!\"saidtheCorporal。\"Hewassotipsyjustnowthathecouldhardlystand。HeandhishonourweretalkingtoNanFantailinthemarket—place;andshepulledTrippet’swigoff,forwantingtokissher。\"
\"Thenastyfellow!\"saidMrs。Cat,\"todemeanhimselfwithsuchlowpeopleasNanFantail,indeed!Why,uponmyconsciencenow,Corporal,itwasbutanhouragothatMr。Trippetsworeheneversawsuchapairofeyesasmine,andwouldliketocuttheCaptain’sthroatfortheloveofme。NanFantail,indeed!\"
\"Nan’sanhonestgirl,MadamCatherine,andwasagreatfavouriteoftheCaptain’sbeforesomeoneelsecameinhisway。Noonecansayawordagainsther——notaword。\"
\"Andpray,Corporal,whoeverdid?\"saidMrs。Cat,ratheroffended。
\"Anasty,uglyslut!Iwonderwhatthemencanseeinher?\"
\"Shehasgotasmartwaywithher,sureenough;it’swhatamusesthemen,and——\"
\"Andwhat?Youdon’tmeantosaythatmyMaxisfondofherNOW?\"
saidMrs。Catherine,lookingveryfierce。
\"Oh,no;notatall:notofHER;——thatis——\"
\"NotofHER!\"screamedshe。\"Ofwhom,then?\"
\"Oh,psha!nonsense!Ofyou,mydear,tobesure;whoelseshouldhecarefor?And,besides,whatbusinessisitofmine?\"AndherewiththeCorporalbeganwhistling,asifhewouldhavenomoreoftheconversation。ButMrs。Catwasnottobesatisfied,——notshe,——andcarriedonhercross—questions。
\"Why,lookyou,\"saidtheCorporal,afterparryingmanyofthese,——\"Why,lookyou,I’manoldfool,Catherine,andImustblab。
ThatmanhasbeenthebestfriendIeverhad,andsoIwasquiet;
butIcan’tkeepitinanylonger,——no,hangmeifIcan!It’smybeliefhe’sactinglikearascalbyyou:hedeceivesyou,Catherine;he’sascoundrel,Mrs。Hall,that’sthetruthon’t。\"
Catherineprayedhimtotellallheknew;andheresumed。
\"Hewantsyouoffhishands;he’ssickofyou,andsobroughtherethatfoolTomTrippet,whohastakenafancytoyou。Hehasnotthecouragetoturnyououtofdoorslikeaman;thoughindoorshecantreatyoulikeabeast。ButI’lltellyouwhathe’lldo。InamonthhewillgotoCoventry,orpretendtogothere,onrecruitingbusiness。Nosuchthing,Mrs。Hall;he’sgoingonMARRIAGE
business;andhe’llleaveyouwithoutafarthing,tostarveortorot,forhim。It’sallarranged,Itellyou:inamonth,youaretobestarvedintobecomingTomTrippet’smistress;andhishonouristomarryrichMissDripping,thetwenty—thousand—pounderfromLondon;andtopurchasearegiment;——andtogetoldBrockdrummedoutofCutts’stoo,\"saidtheCorporal,underhisbreath。Buthemighthavespokenout,ifhechose;forthepooryoungwomanhadsunkonthegroundinarealhonestfit。
\"IthoughtIshouldgiveither,\"saidMr。Brockasheprocuredaglassofwater;and,liftingherontoasofa,sprinkledthesameoverher。\"Hangit!howprettysheis。\"
***
WhenMrs。Catherinecametoherselfagain,Brock’stonewithherwaskind,andalmostfeeling。Nordidthepoorwenchherselfindulgeinanysubsequentshiveringsandhysterics,suchasusuallyfollowthefainting—fitsofpersonsofhigherdegree。Shepressedhimforfurtherexplanations,whichhegave,andtowhichshelistenedwithagreatdealofcalmness;nordidmanytears,sobs,sighs,orexclamationsofsorroworangerescapefromher:onlywhentheCorporalwastakinghisleave,andsaidtoherpoint—blank,——\"Well,Mrs。Catherine,andwhatdoyouintendtodo?\"shedidnotreplyaword;butgavealookwhichmadehimexclaim,onleavingtheroom,——
\"Byheavens!thewomanmeansmurder!IwouldnotbetheHolofernestoliebythesideofsuchaJudithasthat——notI!\"Andhewenthisway,immersedindeepthought。WhentheCaptainreturnedatnight,shedidnotspeaktohim;andwhenhesworeatherforbeingsulky,sheonlysaidshehadaheadache,andwasdreadfullyill;
withwhichexcuseGustavusAdolphusseemedsatisfied,andlefthertoherself。
Hesawherthenextmorningforamoment:hewasgoinga—shooting。
Catherinehadnofriend,asisusualintragediesandromances,——nomysterioussorceressofheracquaintancetowhomshecouldapplyforpoison,——soshewentsimplytotheapothecaries,pretendingateachthatshehadadreadfultoothache,andprocuringfromthemasmuchlaudanumasshethoughtwouldsuitherpurpose。
Whenshewenthomeagainsheseemedalmostgay。Mr。Brockcomplimentedheruponthealterationinherappearance;andshewasenabledtoreceivetheCaptainathisreturnfromshootinginsuchamannerasmadehimremarkthatshehadgotridofhersulksofthemorning,andmightsupwiththem,ifshechosetokeephergood—
humour。Thesupperwasgotready,andthegentlemenhadthepunch—bowlwhentheclothwascleared,——Mrs。Catherine,withherdelicatehands,preparingtheliquor。
Itisuselesstodescribetheconversationthattookplace,ortoreckonthenumberofbowlsthatwereemptied;ortotellhowMr。
Trippet,whowasoneoftheguests,anddeclinedtoplayatcardswhensomeoftheothersbegan,chosetoremainbyMrs。Catherine’sside,andmakeviolentlovetoher。Allthismightbetold,andtheaccount,howeverfaithful,wouldnotbeverypleasing。No,indeed!
Andhere,thoughweareonlyinthethirdchapterofthishistory,wefeelalmostsickofthecharactersthatappearinit,andtheadventureswhichtheyarecalledupontogothrough。Buthowcanwehelpourselves?Thepublicwillhearofnothingbutrogues;andtheonlywayinwhichpoorauthors,whomustlive,canacthonestlybythepublicandthemselves,istopaintsuchthievesastheyare:
not,dandy,poetical,rose—waterthieves;butrealdownrightscoundrels,leadingscoundrellylives,drunken,profligate,dissolute,low;asscoundrelswillbe。Theydon’tquotePlato,likeEugeneAram;orlivelikegentlemen,andsingthepleasantestballadsintheworld,likejollyDickTurpin;orprateeternallyabout\"tokalon,\"*likethatpreciouscantingMaltravers,whomweallofushavereadaboutandpitied;ordiewhitewashedsaints,likepoor\"BissDadsy\"in\"OliverTwist。\"No,mydearmadam,youandyourdaughtershavenorighttoadmireandsympathisewithanysuchpersons,fictitiousorreal:yououghttobemadecordiallytodetest,scorn,loathe,abhor,andabominateallpeopleofthiskidney。Menofgeniuslikethosewhoseworkswehaveabovealludedto,havenobusinesstomakethesecharactersinterestingoragreeable;tobefeedingyourmorbidfancies,orindulgingtheirown,withsuchmonstrousfood。Forourparts,youngladies,webegyoutobottleupyourtears,andnotwasteasingledropofthemonanyoneoftheheroesorheroinesinthishistory:theyareallrascals,everysoulofthem,andbehave\"assich。\"Keepyoursympathyforthosewhodeserveit:don’tcarryit,forpreference,totheOldBailey,andgrowmaudlinoverthecompanyassembledthere。
*Anglicisedversionoftheauthor’soriginalGreektext。
Just,then,havethekindnesstofancythattheconversationwhichtookplaceoverthebowlsofpunchwhichMrs。Catherineprepared,wassuchasmightbeexpectedtotakeplacewherethehostwasadissolute,dare—devil,libertinecaptainofdragoons,theguestsforthemostpartofthesameclass,andthehostessayoungwomanoriginallyfromacountryalehouse,andforthepresentmistresstotheentertainerofthesociety。Theytalked,andtheydrank,andtheygrewtipsy;andverylittleworthhearingoccurredduringthecourseofthewholeevening。Mr。Brockofficiated,halfastheservant,halfasthecompanionofthesociety。Mr。ThomasTrippetmadeviolentlovetoMrs。Catherine,whileherlordandmasterwasplayingatdicewiththeothergentlemen:andonthisnight,strangetosay,theCaptain’sfortuneseemedtodeserthim。TheWarwickshireSquire,fromwhomhehadwonsomuch,hadanamazingrunofgoodluck。TheCaptaincalledperpetuallyformoredrink,andhigherstakes,andlostalmosteverythrow。Threehundred,fourhundred,sixhundred——allhiswinningsofthepreviousmonthswereswallowedupinthecourseofafewhours。TheCorporallookedon;
and,todohimjustice,seemedverygraveas,sumbysum,theSquirescoreddowntheCount’slossesonthepaperbeforehim。
Mostofthecompanyhadtakentheirhatsandstaggeredoff。TheSquireandMr。Trippetweretheonlytwothatremained,thelatterstilllingeringbyMrs。Catherine’ssofaandtable;andasshe,aswehavestated,hadbeenemployedalltheeveninginmixingtheliquorforthegamesters,hewasattheheadquartersofloveanddrink,andhadswallowedsomuchofeachashardlytobeabletospeak。
Thedicewentrattlingon;thecandleswereburningdim,withgreatlongwicks。Mr。TrippetcouldhardlyseetheCaptain,andthought,asfarashismuzzyreasonwouldlethim,thattheCaptaincouldnotseehim:soherosefromhischairaswellashecould,andfelldownonMrs。Catherine’ssofa。Hiseyeswerefixed,hisfacewaspale,hisjawhungdown;andheflungouthisarmsandsaid,inamaudlinvoice,\"Oh,youbyoo—oo—oo—tifileCathrine,Imusthaveakick—kick—iss。\"
\"Beast!\"saidMrs。Catherine,andpushedhimaway。Thedrunkenwretchfelloffthesofa,andontothefloor,wherehestayed;and,aftersnortingoutsomeunintelligiblesounds,wenttosleep。
Thedicewentrattlingon;thecandleswereburningdim,withgreatlongwicks。
\"Seven’sthemain,\"criedtheCount。\"Four。Threetotwoagainstthecaster。\"
\"Ponies,\"saidtheWarwickshireSquire。
Rattle,rattle,rattle,rattle,clatter,NINE。Clap,clap,clap,clap,ELEVEN。Clutter,clutter,clutter,clutter:\"Sevenitis,\"
saystheWarwickshireSquire。\"Thatmakeseighthundred,Count。\"
\"Onethrowfortwohundred,\"saidtheCount。\"Butstop!Cat,giveussomemorepunch。\"
Mrs。Catcameforward;shelookedalittlepale,andherhandtrembledsomewhat。\"Hereisthepunch,Max,\"saidshe。Itwassteaminghot,inalargeglass。\"Don’tdrinkitall,\"saidshe;
\"leavemesome。\"
\"Howdarkitis!\"saidtheCount,eyeingit。
\"It’sthebrandy,\"saidCat。
\"Well,heregoes!Squire,curseyou!here’syourhealth,andbadlucktoyou!\"andhegulpedoffmorethanhalftheliquoratadraught。Butpresentlyheputdowntheglassandcried,\"Whatinfernalpoisonisthis,Cat?\"
\"Poison!\"saidshe。\"It’snopoison。Givemetheglass。\"AndshepledgedMax,anddrankalittleofit。\"’Tisgoodpunch,Max,andofmybrewing;Idon’tthinkyouwillevergetanybetter。\"Andshewentbacktothesofaagain,andsatdown,andlookedattheplayers。
Mr。Brocklookedatherwhitefaceandfixedeyeswithagrimkindofcuriosity。TheCountsputtered,andcursedthehorridtasteofthepunchstill;buthepresentlytookthebox,andmadehisthreatenedthrow。
Asbefore,theSquirebeathim;andhavingbookedhiswinnings,rosefromtableaswellashemightandbesoughttoleadhimdownstairs;
whichMr。Brockdid。
LiquorhadevidentlystupefiedtheCount:hesatwithhisheadbetweenhishands,mutteringwildlyaboutill—luck,seven’sthemain,badpunch,andsoon。Thestreet—doorbangedto;andthestepsofBrockandtheSquirewereheard,untiltheycouldbeheardnomore。
\"Max,\"saidshe;buthedidnotanswer。\"Max,\"saidsheagain,layingherhandonhisshoulder。
\"Curseyou,\"saidthatgentleman,\"keepoff,anddon’tbelayingyourpawsuponme。Gotobed,youjade,orto——,forwhatIcare;
andgivemefirstsomemorepunch——agallonmorepunch,doyouhear?\"
Thegentleman,bythecursesatthecommencementofthislittlespeech,andtherequestcontainedattheendofit,showedthathislossesvexedhim,andthathewasanxioustoforgetthemtemporarily。
\"Oh,Max!\"whimperedMrs。Cat,\"you——don’t——wantanymorepunch?\"
\"Don’t!Shan’tIbedrunkinmyownhouse,youcursedwhimperingjade,you?Getout!\"andwiththistheCaptainproceededtoadministerablowuponMrs。Catherine’scheek。
Contrarytohercustom,shedidnotavengeit,orseektodoso,asonthemanyformeroccasionswhendisputesofthisnaturehadarisenbetweentheCountandher;butnowMrs。Catherinefellonherkneesand,claspingherhandsandlookingpitifullyintheCount’sface,cried,\"Oh,Count,forgiveme,forgiveme!\"
\"Forgiveyou!Whatfor?BecauseIslappedyourface?Ha,ha!
I’llforgiveyouagain,ifyoudon’tmind。\"
\"Oh,no,no,no!\"saidshe,wringingherhands。\"Itisn’tthat。
Max,dearMax,willyouforgiveme?Itisn’ttheblow——Idon’tmindthat;it’s——\"
\"It’swhat,you——maudlinfool?\"
\"IT’STHEPUNCH!\"
TheCount,whowasmorethanhalfseasover,hereassumedanairofmuchtipsygravity。\"Thepunch!No,Ineverwillforgiveyouthatlastglassofpunch。Ofallthefoul,beastlydrinksIevertasted,thatwastheworst。No,Ineverwillforgiveyouthatpunch。\"
\"Oh,itisn’tthat,itisn’tthat!\"saidshe。
\"Itellyouitisthat,——you!Thatpunch,Isaythatpunchwasnobetterthanpaw——aw—oison。\"AndheretheCount’sheadsankback,andhefelltosnore。
\"ITWASPOISON!\"saidshe。