\"Hush！\"saidthedogman。\"Here’sanothercafe。\"
Theylinedupatthebar。Thedogfellasleepattheirfeet。
\"Whiskey，\"saidJim。
\"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。
\"Ithoughtaboutyou，\"saidJim，\"whenIboughtthatwildland。Iwishedyouwasouttheretohelpmewiththestock。\"
\"LastTuesday，\"saidthedogman，\"hebitmeontheanklebecauseIaskedforcreaminmycoffee。Healwaysgetsthecream。\"
\"You’dlikePrairieViewnow，\"saidJim。\"Theboysfromtheround-upsforfiftymilesaroundrideinthere。Onecornerofmypastureisinsixteenmilesofthetown。There’sastraightfortymilesofwireononesideofit。\"
\"Youpassthroughthekitchentogettothebedroom，\"saidthedogman，\"andyoupassthroughtheparlourtogettothebathroom，andyoubackoutthroughthedining-roomtogetintothebedroomsoyoucanturnaroundandleavebythekitchen。Andhesnoresandbarksinhissleep，andI
havetosmokeintheparkonaccountofhisasthma。\"
\"Don’tMissisTelfair——\"beganJim。
\"Oh，shutup！\"saidthedogman。\"Whatisitthistime？\"
\"Whiskey，\"saidJim。
\"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。
\"Well，I’llberackingalongdowntowardtheferry，\"saidtheother。
\"Comeon，there，youmangy，turtle-backed，snake-headed，bench-leggedton-and-a-halfofsoap-grease！\"shoutedthedogman，withanewnoteinhisvoiceandanewhandontheleash。Thedogscrambledafterthem，withanangrywhineatsuchunusuallanguagefromhisguardian。
AtthefootofTwenty-thirdStreetthedogmanledthewaythroughswingingdoors。
\"Lastchance，\"saidhe。\"Speakup。\"
\"Whiskey，\"saidJim。
\"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。
\"Idon’tknow，\"saidtheranchman，\"whereI’llfindthemanIwanttotakechargeoftheLittlePowderoutfit。IwantsomebodyIknowsomethingabout。Fineststretchofprairieandtimberyoueversquintedyoureyeover，Sam。Nowifyouwas——\"
\"Speakingofhydrophobia，\"saidthedogman，\"theothernighthechewedapieceoutofmylegbecauseIknockedaflyoffofMarcella’sarm。’Itoughttobecauterized，’saysMarcella，andIwasthinkingsomyself。I
telephonesforthedoctor，andwhenhecomesMarcellasaystome：’Helpmeholdthepoordearwhilethedoctorfixeshismouth。Oh，Ihopehegotnovirusonanyofhistoofieswhenhebityou。’Nowwhatdoyouthinkofthat？\"
\"DoesMissisTelfair——\"beganJim。
\"Oh，dropit，\"saidthedogman。\"Comeagain！\"
\"Whiskey，\"saidJim。
\"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。
Theywalkedontotheferry。Theranchmansteppedtotheticketwindow。
Suddenlytheswiftlandingofthreeorfourheavykickswasheard，theair。wasrentbypiercingcanineshrieks，andapained，outraged，lubberly，bow-leggedpuddingofadogranfrenziedlyupthestreetalone。
\"TickettoDenver，\"saidJim。
\"Makeittwo，\"shoutedtheex-dogman，reachingforhisinsidepocket。
VIITHECHAMPIONOFTHEWEATHER
IfyoushouldspeakoftheKiowaReservationtotheaverageNewYorkerheprobablywouldn’tknowwhetheryouwerereferringtoanewpoliticaldodgeatAlbanyoraleitmotiffrom\"Parsifal。\"ButoutintheKiowaReservationadviceshavebeenreceivedconcerningtheexistenceofNewYork。
ApartyofuswereonahuntingtripintheReservation。BudKingsbury，ourguide，philosopher，andfriend，wasbroilingantelopesteaksincamponenight。Oneoftheparty，apinkish-hairedyoungmaninacorrecthuntingcostume，saunteredovertothefiretolightacigarette，andremarkedcarelesslytoBud：
\"Nicenight！\"
\"Why，yes，\"saidBud，\"asniceasanynightcouldbethatain’treceivedtheBroadwaystampofapproval。\"
Now，theyoungmanwasfromNewYork，buttherestofuswonderedhowBudguessedit。So，whenthesteaksweredone，webesoughthimtolaybarehissystemofratiocination。AndasBudwassomethingofaTerritorialtalkingmachinehemadeorationasfollows：
\"HowdidIknowhewasfromNewYork？Well，Ifigureditoutassoonashesprungthemtwowordsonme。IwasinNewYorkmyselfacoupleofyearsago，andInoticedsomeoftheearmarksandhooftracksoftheRanchoManhattan。\"
\"FoundNewYorkratherdifferentfromthePanhandle，didn’tyou，Bud？\"
askedoneofthehunters。
\"Can’tsaythatIdid，\"answeredBud；\"anyways，notmorethansome。ThemaintrailinthattownwhichtheycallBroadwayisplentytravelled，butthey’reaboutthesamebrandofbipedsthattramparoundinCheyenneandAmarillo，AtfirstIwassortofrattledbythecrowds，butIsoonsaystomyself，’Here，now，Bud；they’rejustplainfolkslikeyouandGeronimoandGroverClevelandandtheWatsonboys，sodon’tgetallflusteredupwithconsternationunderyoursaddleblanket，’andthenIfeelscalmandpeaceful，likeIwasbackintheNationagainataghostdanceoragreencornpow-wow。
\"I’dbeensavingupforayeartogivethisNewYorkawhirl。IknewamannamedSummersthatlivedthere，butIcouldn’tfindhim；soIplayedalonehandatenjoyingtheintoxicatingpleasuresofthecorn-fedmetropolis。
\"ForawhileIwassofrivolousandlocoedbytheelectriclightsandthenoisesofthephonographsandthesecond-storyrailroadsthatIforgotoneofthecryingneedsofmyWesternsystemofnaturalrequirements。Ineverwasnohandtodenymyselfthepleasuresofsociablevocalintercoursewithfriendsandstrangers。OutintheTerritorieswhenImeetamanI
neversawbefore，insideofnineminutesIknowhisincome，religion，sizeofcollar，andhiswife’stemper，andhowmuchhepaysforclothes，alimony，andchewingtobacco。It’sagiftwithmenottobepenuriouswithmyconversation。
\"ButthishereNewYorkwasinauguratedontheideaofabstemiousnessinregardtothepartsofspeech。AttheendofthreeweeksnobodyinthecityhadfiredevenablanksyllableinmydirectionexceptthewaiterinthegrubemporiumwhereIfed。Andashisoutpouringsofsyntaxwasn’tnothingbutplagiarismsfromthebilloffare，heneversatisfiedmyyearnings，whichwastohavesomebodyhit。IfIstoodnexttoamanatabarhe’dedgeoffandgiveaBaldwin-ZieglerlookasifhesuspectedmeofhavingtheNorthPoleconcealedonmyperson。IbegantowishthatI’dgonetoAbileneorWacoformy_paseado_；forthemayorofthemplaceswilldrinkwithyou，andthefirstcitizenyoumeetwilltellyouhismiddlenameandask’youtotakeachanceinaraffleforamusicbox。
\"Well，onedaywhenIwasparticularhankeringfortobegregariouswithsomethingmoreloquaciousthanalamppost，afellowinacaffysaystome，sayshe：
\"’Niceday！’
\"Hewasakindofamanageroftheplace，andIreckonhe’dseenmeinthereagoodmanytimes。HehadafacelikeafishandaneyelikeJudas，butIgotupandputonearmaroundhisneck。
\"’Pardner，’Isays，’sureit’saniceday。You’rethefirstgentlemaninallNewYorktoobservethattheintricaciesofhumanspeechmightnotbealtogetherwastedonWilliamKingsbury。Butdon’tyouthink，’saysI，’that’twasalittlecoolearlyinthemorning；andain’tthereafeelingofrainintheairto-night？Butalongaboutnoonitsurewasgallupsiousweather。How’salluptothehouse？Youdoingrightwellwiththecaffy，now？’
\"Well，sir，thatgalootjustturnshisbackandwalksoffstiff，withoutaword，afterallmytryingtobeagreeable！Ididn’tknowwhattomakeofit。ThatnightIfindsanotefromSummers，who’dbeenawayfromtown，givingtheaddressofhiscamp。Igoesuptohishouseandhasagood，old-timetalkwithhisfolks。AndItellsSummersabouttheactionsofthiscoyoteinthecaffy，anddesiresinterpretation。
\"’Oh，’saysSummers，’hewasn’tintendingtostrikeupaconversationwithyou。That’sjusttheNewYorkstyle。He’dseenyouwasaregularcustomerandhespokeawordortwojusttoshowyouheappreciatedyourcustom。Yououghtn’ttohavefolloweditup。That’saboutasfaraswecaretogowithastranger。Awordorsoabouttheweathermaybeventured，butwedon’tgenerallymakeitthebasisofanacquaintance。’
\"’Billy，’saysI，’theweatheranditsramificationsisasolemnsubjectwithme。Meteorologyisoneofmysorepoints。Nomancanopenupthequestionoftemperatureorhumidityorthegladsunshinewithme，andthenturntailonitwithoutitsleadingtoafallingbarometer。I’mgoingdowntoseethatmanagainandgivehimalessonintheartofcontinuousconversation。YousayNewYorketiquetteallowshimtwowordsandnoanswer。Well，he’sgoingtoturnhimselfintoaweatherbureauandfinishwhathebegunwithme，besidesindulginginneighbourlyremarksonothersubjects。’
\"Summerstalkedaginit，butIwasirritatedsomeandIwentonthestreetcarbacktothatcaffy。
\"Thesamefellowwasthereyet，walkingroundinasortofbackcorralwheretherewastablesandchairs。Afewpeoplewassittingaroundhavingdrinksandsneeringatoneanother。
\"Icalledthatmantoonesideandherdedhimintoacorner。Iunbuttonedenoughtoshowhimathirty-eightIcarriedstuckundermyvest。
\"’Pardner，’Isays，’abriefspaceagoIwasinhereandyouseizedtheopportunitytosayitwasaniceday。WhenIattemptedtocorroborateyourweathersignal，youturnedyourbackandwalkedoff。Now，’saysI，’youfrog-hearted，language-shy，stiff-neckedcrossbetweenaSpitzbergenseacookandamuzzledoyster，youresumewhereyouleftoffinyourdiscourseontheweather。’
\"Thefellowlooksatmeandtriestogrin，butheseesIdon’tandhecomesaroundserious。
\"’Well，’sayshe，eyeingthehandleofmygun，’itwasratheraniceday；
somewarmish，though。’
\"’Particulars，youmealy-mouthedsnoozer，’Isays——’let’shavethespecifications——expatiate——fillintheoutlines。Whenyoustartanythingwithmeinshort-handit’sboundtoturnoutastormsignal。’
\"’Lookedlikerainyesterday，’saystheman，’butitclearedofffineintheforenoon。Ihearthefarmersareneedingrainrightbadlyup-State。’
\"’That’sthekindofacanter，’saysI。’ShaketheNewYorkdustoffyourhoofsandbearealagreeablekindofacentaur。Youbroketheice，youknow，andwe’regettingbetteracquaintedeveryminute。SeemstomeI
askedyouaboutyourfamily？’
\"’They’reallwell，thanks，’sayshe。’We——wehaveanewpiano。’
\"’Nowyou’recomingit，’Isays。’Thiscoldreserveisbreakingupatlast。Thatlittletouchaboutthepianoalmostmakesusbrothers。What’stheyoungestkid’sname？’Iaskshim。
\"’Thomas，’sayshe。’He’sjustgettingwellfromthemeasles。’
\"’IfeellikeI’dknownyoualways，’saysI。’Nowtherewasjustonemore——areyoudoingrightwellwiththecaffy，now？’
\"’Prettywell，’hesays。’I’mputtingawayalittlemoney。’
\"’Gladtohearit，’saysI。’Nowgobacktoyourworkandgetcivilized。
Keepyourhandsofftheweatherunlessyou’rereadytofollowitupinapersonalmanner，It’sasubjectthatnaturallybelongstosociabilityandtheformingofnewties，andIhatetoseeithandedoutinsmallchangeinatownlikethis。’
\"SothenextdayIrollsupmyblanketsandhitsthetrailawayfromNewYorkCity。\"
FormanyminutesafterBudceasedtalkingwelingeredaroundthefire，andthenallhandsbegantodisperseforbed。
AsIwasunrollingmybeddingIheardthepinkish-hairedyoungmansayingtoBud，withsomethinglikeanxietyinhisvoice：
\"AsIsay，Mr。Kingsbury，thereissomethingreallybeautifulaboutthisnight。Thedelightfulbreezeandthebrightstarsandtheclearairuniteinmakingitwonderfullyattractive。\"
\"Yes，\"saidBud，\"it’sanicenight。\"
VIIIMAKESTHEWHOLEWORLDKIN
Theburglarsteppedinsidethewindowquickly，andthenhetookhistime。
Aburglarwhorespectshisartalwaystakeshistimebeforetakinganythingelse。
Thehousewasaprivateresidence。ByitsboardedfrontdooranduntrimmedBostonivytheburglarknewthatthemistressofitwassittingonsomeoceansidepiazzatellingasympatheticmaninayachtingcapthatnoonehadeverunderstoodhersensitive，lonelyheart。Heknewbythelightinthethird-storyfrontwindows，andbythelatenessoftheseason，thatthemasterofthehousehadcomehome，andwouldsoonextinguishhislightandretire。ForitwasSeptemberoftheyearandofthesoul，inwhichseasonthehouse’sgoodmancomestoconsiderroofgardensandstenographersasvanities，andtodesirethereturnofhismateandthemoredurableblessingsofdecorumandthemoralexcellencies。
Theburglarlightedacigarette。Theguardedglowofthematchilluminatedhissalientpointsforamoment。Hebelongedtothethirdtypeofburglars。
Thisthirdtypehasnotyetbeenrecognizedandaccepted。Thepolicehavemadeusfamiliarwiththefirstandsecond。Theirclassificationissimple。Thecollaristhedistinguishingmark。
Whenaburglariscaughtwhodoesnotwearacollarheisdescribedasadegenerateofthelowesttype，singularlyviciousanddepraved，andissuspectedofbeingthedesperatecriminalwhostolethehandcuffsoutofPatrolmanHennessy’spocketin1878andwalkedawaytoescapearrest。
Theotherwell-knowntypeistheburglarwhowearsacollar。HeisalwaysreferredtoasaRafflesinreallife。Heisinvariablyagentlemanbydaylight，breakfastinginadresssuit，andposingasapaperhanger，whileafterdarkheplieshisnefariousoccupationofburglary。HismotherisanextremelywealthyandrespectedresidentofOceanGrove，andwhenheisconductedtohiscellheasksatonceforanailfileandthePoliceGazette。HealwayshasawifeineveryStateintheUnionandfianceesinalltheTerritories，andthenewspapersprinthismatrimonialgalleryoutoftheirstockofcutsoftheladieswhowerecuredbyonlyonebottleafterhavingbeengivenupbyfivedoctors，experiencinggreatreliefafterthefirstdose。
Theburglarworeabluesweater。HewasneitheraRafflesnoroneofthechefsfromHell’sKitchen。Thepolicewouldhavebeenbaffledhadtheyattemptedtoclassifyhim。Theyhavenotyetheardoftherespectable，unassumingburglarwhoisneitherabovenorbelowhisstation。
Thisburglarofthethirdclassbegantoprowl。Heworenomasks，darklanterns，orgumshoes。Hecarrieda88-calibrerevolverinhispocket，andhechewedpeppermintgumthoughtfully。
Thefurnitureofthehousewasswathedinitssummerdustprotectors。Thesilverwasfarawayinsafe-depositvaults。Theburglarexpectednoremarkable\"haul。\"Hisobjectivepointwasthatdimlylightedroomwherethemasterofthehouseshouldbesleepingheavilyafterwhateversolacehehadsoughttolightentheburdenofhisloneliness。A\"touch\"mightbemadetheretotheextentoflegitimate，fairprofessionalprofits——loosemoney，awatch，ajewelledstick-pin——nothingexorbitantorbeyondreason。Hehadseenthewindowleftopenandhadtakenthechance。
Theburglarsoftlyopenedthedoorofthelightedroom。Thegaswasturnedlow。Amanlayinthebedasleep。Onthedresserlaymanythingsinconfusion——acrumpledrollofbills，awatch，keys，threepokerchips，crushedcigars，apinksilkhairbow，andanunopenedbottleofbromo-seltzerforabulwarkinthemorning。
Theburglartookthreestepstowardthedresser。Themaninthebedsuddenlyutteredasqueakygroanandopenedhiseyes。Hisrighthandslidunderhispillow，butremainedthere。
\"Laystill，\"saidtheburglarinconversationaltone。Burglarsofthethirdtypedonothiss。Thecitizeninthebedlookedattheroundendoftheburglar’spistolandlaystill。
\"Nowholdupbothyourhands，\"commandedtheburglar。
Thecitizenhadalittle，pointed，brown-and-graybeard，likethatofapainlessdentist。Helookedsolid，esteemed，irritable，anddisgusted。
Hesatupinbedandraisedhisrighthandabovehishead。
\"Upwiththeotherone，\"orderedtheburglar。\"Youmightbeamphibiousandshootwithyourleft。Youcancounttwo，can’tyou？Hurryup，now。\"
\"Can’traisetheotherone，\"saidthecitizen，withacontortionofhislineaments。
\"What’sthematterwithit？\"
\"Rheumatismintheshoulder。\"
\"Inflammatory？\"
\"Was。Theinflammationhasgonedown。\"Theburglarstoodforamomentortwo，holdinghisgunontheafflictedone。Heglancedattheplunderonthedresserandthen，withahalf-embarrassedair，backatthemaninthebed。Thenhe，too，madeasuddengrimace。
\"Don’tstandtheremakingfaces，\"snappedthecitizen，bad-humouredly。
\"Ifyou’vecometoburglewhydon’tyoudoit？There’ssomestufflyingaround。\"
\"’Scuseme，\"saidtheburglar，withagrin；\"butitjustsockedmeone，too。It’sgoodforyouthatrheumatismandmehappenstobeoldpals。I
gotitinmyleftarm，too。Mostanybodybutmewouldhavepoppedyouwhenyouwouldn’thoistthatleftclawofyours。\"
\"Howlonghaveyouhadit？\"inquiredthecitizen。
\"Fouryears。Iguessthatain’tall。Onceyou’vegotit，it’syouforarheumaticlife——that’smyjudgment。\"
\"Evertryrattlesnakeoil？\"askedthecitizen，interestedly。
\"Gallons，\"saidtheburglar。\"IfallthesnakesI’veusedtheoilofwasstrungoutinarowthey’dreacheighttimesasfarasSaturn，andtherattlescouldbeheardatValparaiso，Indiana，andback。\"
\"SomeuseChiselum’sPills，\"remarkedthecitizen。
\"Fudge！\"saidtheburglar。\"Took’emfivemonths。Nogood。IhadsomerelieftheyearItriedFinkelham’sExtract，BalmofGileadpoulticesandPotts’sPainPulverizer；butIthinkitwasthebuckeyeIcarriedinmypocketwhatdonethetrick。\"
\"Isyoursworseinthemorningoratnight？\"askedthecitizen。
\"Night，\"saidtheburglar；\"justwhenI’mbusiest。Say，takedownthatarmofyours——Iguessyouwon’t——Say！didyouevertryBlickerstaff’sBloodBuilder？\"
\"Ineverdid。Doesyourscomeinparoxysmsorisitasteadypain？\"
Theburglarsatdownonthefootofthebedandrestedhisgunonhiscrossedknee。
\"Itjumps，\"saidhe。\"ItstrikesmewhenIain’tlookingforit。Ihadtogiveupsecond-storyworkbecauseIgotstucksometimeshalf-wayup。
Tellyouwhat——Idon’tbelievethebloomin’doctorsknowwhatisgoodforit。\"
\"Samehere。I’vespentathousanddollarswithoutgettinganyrelief。
Yoursswellany？\"
\"Ofmornings。Andwhenit’sgoin’torain——greatChristopher！\"
\"Me，too，\"saidthecitizen。\"Icantellwhenastreakofhumiditythesizeofatable-clothstartsfromFloridaonitswaytoNewYork。AndifIpassatheatrewherethere’san’EastLynne’matineegoingon，themoisturestartsmyleftarmjumpinglikeatoothache。\"
\"It’sundiluted——hades！\"saidtheburglar。
\"You’redeadright，\"saidthecitizen。
Theburglarlookeddownathispistolandthrustitintohispocketwithanawkwardattemptatease。
\"Say，oldman，\"hesaid，constrainedly，\"evertryopodeldoc？\"
\"Slop！\"saidthecitizenangrily。\"Mightaswellrubonrestaurantbutter。\"
\"Sure，\"concurredtheburglar。\"It’sasalvesuitableforlittleMinniewhenthekittyscratchesherfinger。I’lltellyouwhat！We’reupagainstit。Ionlyfindonethingthateasesherup。Hey？Littleoldsanitary，ameliorating，lest-we-forgetBooze。Say——thisjob’soff——’scuseme——
getonyourclothesandlet’sgooutandhavesome。’Scusetheliberty，but——ouch！Thereshegoesagain！\"
\"Foraweek，\"saidthecitizen。\"Ihaven’tbeenabletodressmyselfwithouthelp。I’mafraidThomasisinbed，and——\"
\"Climbout，\"saidtheburglar，\"I’llhelpyougetintoyourduds。\"
Theconventionalreturnedasatidalwaveandfloodedthecitizen。Hestrokedhisbrown-and-graybeard。
\"It’sveryunusual——\"hebegan。
\"Here’syourshirt，\"saidtheburglar，\"fallout。IknewamanwhosaidOmberry’sOintmentfixedhimintwoweekssohecouldusebothhandsintyinghisfour-in-hand。\"
Astheyweregoingoutthedoorthecitizenturnedandstartedback。
\"Likedtoforgotmymoney，\"heexplained；\"laiditonthedresserlastnight。\"
Theburglarcaughthimbytherightsleeve。
\"Comeon，\"hesaidbluffly。\"Iaskyou。Leaveitalone。I’vegottheprice。Evertrywitchhazelandoilofwintergreen？\"
IXATARMSWITHMORPHEUS
InevercouldquiteunderstandhowTomHopkinscametomakethatblunder，forhehadbeenthroughawholetermatamedicalcollege——beforeheinheritedhisaunt’sfortune——andhadbeenconsideredstrongintherapeutics。
Wehadbeenmakingacalltogetherthatevening，andafterwardTomranuptomyroomsforapipeandachatbeforegoingontohisownluxuriousapartments。IhadsteppedintotheotherroomforamomentwhenIheardTomsingout：
\"Oh，Billy，I’mgoingtotakeaboutfourgrainsofquinine，ifyoudon’tmind——I’mfeelingallblueandshivery。GuessI’mtakingcold。\"
\"Allright，\"Icalledback。\"Thebottleisonthesecondshelf。Takeitinaspoonfulofthatelixirofeucalyptus。Itknocksthebitterout。\"
AfterIcamebackwesatbythefireandgotourbriarsgoing。InabouteightminutesTomsankbackintoagentlecollapse。
Iwentstraighttothemedicinecabinetandlooked。
\"Youunmitigatedhayseed！\"Igrowled。\"Seewhatmoneywilldoforaman’sbrains！\"
Therestoodthemorphinebottlewiththestoppleout，justasTomhadleftit。
IroutedoutanotheryoungM。D。whoroomedonthefloorabove，andsenthimforoldDoctorGales，twosquaresaway。TomHopkinshastoomuchmoneytobeattendedbyrisingyoungpractitionersalone。
WhenGalescameweputTomthroughasexpensiveacourseoftreatmentastheresourcesoftheprofessionpermit。Afterthemoredrasticremedieswegavehimcitrateofcaffeineinfrequentdosesandstrongcoffee，andwalkedhimupanddownthefloorbetweentwoofus。OldGalespinchedhimandslappedhisfaceandworkedhardforthebigcheckhecouldseeinthedistance。TheyoungM。D。fromthenextfloorgaveTomamosthearty，rousingkick，andthenapologizedtome。
\"Couldn’thelpit，\"hesaid。\"Ineverkickedamillionairebeforeinmylife。Imayneverhaveanotheropportunity。\"
\"Now，\"saidDoctorGales，afteracoupleofhours，\"he’lldo。Butkeephimawakeforanotherhour。Youcandothatbytalkingtohimandshakinghimupoccasionally。Whenhispulseandrespirationarenormalthenlethimsleep。I’llleavehimwithyounow。\"
IwasleftalonewithTom，whomwehadlaidonacouch。Helayverystill，andhiseyeswerehalfclosed。Ibeganmyworkofkeepinghimawake。
\"Well，oldman，\"Isaid，\"you’vehadanarrowsqueak，butwe’vepulledyouthrough。Whenyouwereattendinglectures，Tom，didn’tanyoftheprofessorsevercasuallyremarkthatm-o-r-p-h-i-aneverspells’quinia，’
especiallyinfour-graindoses？ButIwon’tpileituponyouuntilyougetonyourfeet。Butyououghttohavebeenadruggist，Tom；you’resplendidlyqualifiedtofillprescriptions。\"
Tomlookedatmewithafaintandfoolishsmile。
\"B’ly，\"hemurmured，\"Ifeeljus’likeahum’nbirdflyin’aroundajollylotofmost’shpensiveroses。Don’bozzerme。Goin’sleepnow。\"
Andhewenttosleepintwoseconds。Ishookhimbytheshoulder。
\"Now，Tom，\"Isaid，severely，\"thiswon’tdo。Thebigdoctorsaidyoumuststayawakeforatleastanhour。Openyoureyes。You’renotentirelysafeyet，youknow。Wakeup。\"
TomHopkinsweighsonehundredandninety-eight。Hegavemeanothersomnolentgrin，andfellintodeeperslumber。Iwouldhavemadehimmoveabout，butImightaswellhavetriedtomakeCleopatra’sneedlewaltzaroundtheroomwithme。Tom’sbreathingbecamestertorous，andthat，inconnectionwithmorphiapoisoning，meansdanger。
ThenIbegantothink。Icouldnotrousehisbody；Imuststrivetoexcitehismind。\"Makehimangry，\"wasanideathatsuggesteditself。
\"Good！\"Ithought；buthow？TherewasnotajointinTom’sarmour。Dearoldfellow！Hewasgoodnatureitself，andagallantgentleman，fineandtrueandcleanassunlight。HecamefromsomewheredownSouth，wheretheystillhaveidealsandacode。NewYorkhadcharmed，buthadnotspoiled，him。Hehadthatold-fashionedchivalrousreverenceforwomen，that——Eureka！——therewasmyidea！Iworkedthethingupforaminuteortwoinmyimagination。IchuckledtomyselfatthethoughtofspringingathinglikethatonoldTomHopkins。ThenItookhimbytheshoulderandshookhimtillhisearsflopped。Heopenedhiseyeslazily。Iassumedanexpressionofscornandcontempt，andpointedmyfingerwithintwoinchesofhisnose。
\"Listentome，Hopkins，\"Isaid，incuttinganddistincttones，\"youandI
havebeengoodfriends，butIwantyoutounderstandthatinthefuturemydoorsareclosedagainstanymanwhoactsasmuchlikeascoundrelasyouhave。\"
Tomlookedtheleastbitinterested。
\"What’sthematter，Billy？\"hemuttered，composedly。\"Don’tyourclothesfityou？\"
\"IfIwereinyourplace，\"Iwenton，\"which，thankGod，Iamnot，IthinkIwouldbeafraidtoclosemyeyes。HowaboutthatgirlyouleftwaitingforyoudownamongthoselonesomeSouthernpines——thegirlthatyou’veforgottensinceyoucameintoyourconfoundedmoney？Oh，IknowwhatI’mtalkingabout。Whileyouwereapoormedicalstudentshewasgoodenoughforyou。Butnow，sinceyouareamillionaire，it’sdifferent。Iwonderwhatshethinksoftheperformancesofthatpeculiarclassofpeoplewhichshehasbeentaughttoworship——theSoutherngentlemen？I’msorry，Hopkins，thatIwasforcedtospeakaboutthesematters，butyou’vecovereditupsowellandplayedyourpartsonicelythatIwouldhaveswornyouwereabovesuchunmanlytricks\"
PoorTom。Icouldscarcelykeepfromlaughingoutrighttoseehimstrugglingagainsttheeffectsoftheopiate。Hewasdistinctlyangry，andIdidn’tblamehim。TomhadaSoutherntemper。Hiseyeswereopennow，andtheyshowedagleamortwooffire。Butthedrugstillcloudedhismindandboundhistongue。
\"C-c-confoundyou，\"hestammered，\"I’lls-smashyou。\"
Hetriedtorisefromthecouch。Withallhissizehewasveryweaknow。
Ithrusthimbackwithonearm。Helaythereglaringlikealioninatrap。
\"Thatwillholdyouforawhile，youoldloony，\"Isaidtomyself。Igotupandlitmypipe，forIwasneedingasmoke。Iwalkedaroundabit，congratulatingmyselfonmybrilliantidea。
Iheardasnore。Ilookedaround。Tomwasasleepagain。Iwalkedoverandpunchedhimonthejaw。Helookedatmeaspleasantandungrudgingasanidiot。Ichewedmypipeandgaveittohimhard。
\"Iwantyoutorecoveryourselfandgetoutofmyroomsassoonasyoucan，\"Isaid，insultingly。\"I’vetoldyouwhatIthinkofyou。Ifyouhaveanyhonourorhonestyleftyouwillthinktwicebeforeyouattemptagaintoassociatewithgentlemen。She’sapoorgirl，isn’tshe？\"I
sneered。\"Somewhattooplainandunfashionableforussincewegotourmoney。BeashamedtowalkonFifthAvenuewithher，wouldn’tyou？
Hopkins，you’reforty-seventimesworsethanacad。Whocaresforyourmoney？Idon’t。I’llbetthatgirldon’t。Perhapsifyoudidn’thaveityou’dbemoreofaman。Asitisyou’vemadeacurofyourself，and\"——I
thoughtthatquitedramatic——\"perhapsbrokenafaithfulheart。\"（OldTomHopkinsbreakingafaithfulheart！）\"Letmeberidofyouassoonaspossible。\"
IturnedmybackonTom，andwinkedatmyselfinamirror。Iheardhimmoving，andIturnedagainquickly。Ididn’twantahundredandninety-eightpoundsfallingonmefromtherear。ButTomhadonlyturnedpartlyover，andlaidonearmacrosshisface。Hespokeafewwordsrathermoredistinctlythanbefore。
\"Icouldn’thave——talkedthisway——toyou，Billy，evenifI’dheardpeople——lyin’’boutyou。Butjus’soon’sIcans-standup——I’llbreakyourneck——don’f’getit。\"
Ididfeelalittleashamedthen。ButitwastosaveTom。Inthemorning，whenIexplainedit，wewouldhaveagoodlaughoverittogether。
InabouttwentyminutesTomdroppedintoasound，easyslumber。Ifelthispulse，listenedtohisrespiration，andlethimsleep。Everythingwasnormal，andTomwassafe。Iwentintotheotherroomandtumbledintobed。
IfoundTomupanddressedwhenIawokethenextmorning。Hewasentirelyhimselfagainwiththeexceptionofshakynervesandatonguelikeawhite-oakchip。
\"WhatanidiotIwas，\"hesaid，thoughtfully。\"IrememberthinkingthatquininebottlelookedqueerwhileIwastakingthedose。Havemuchtroubleinbringingme’round？\"
Itoldhimno。Hismemoryseemedbadabouttheentireaffair。I
concludedthathehadnorecollectionofmyeffortstokeephimawake，anddecidednottoenlightenhim。Someothertime，Ithought，whenhewasfeelingbetter，wewouldhavesomefunoverit。
WhenTomwasreadytogohestopped，withthedooropen，andshookmyhand。
\"Muchobliged，oldfellow，\"hesaid，quietly，\"fortakingsomuchtroublewithme——andforwhatyousaid。I’mgoingdownnowtotelegraphtothelittlegirl。\"
XAGHOSTOFACHANCE
\"Actually，ahod！\"repeatedMrs。Kinsolving，pathetically。
Mrs。BellamyBellmorearchedasympatheticeyebrow。Thussheexpressedcondolenceandagenerousamountofapparentsurprise。
\"Fancyhertellingeverywhere，\"recapitulatedMrs。Kinsolving，\"thatshesawaghostintheapartmentsheoccupiedhere——ourchoicestguest-room——aghost，carryingahodonitsshoulder——theghostofanoldmaninoveralls，smokingapipeandcarryingahod！Theveryabsurdityofthethingshowshermaliciousintent。ThereneverwasaKinsolvingthatcarriedahod。EveryoneknowsthatMr。Kinsolving’sfatheraccumulatedhismoneybylargebuildingcontracts，butheneverworkedadaywithhisownhands。Hehadthishousebuiltfromhisownplans；but——oh，ahod！
Whyneedshehavebeensocruelandmalicious？\"
\"Itisreallytoobad，\"murmuredMrs。Bellmore，withanapprovingglanceofherfineeyesaboutthevastchamberdoneinlilacandoldgold。\"Anditwasinthisroomshesawit！Oh，no，I’mnotafraidofghosts。Don’thavetheleastfearonmyaccount。I’mgladyouputmeinhere。Ithinkfamilyghostssointeresting！But，really，thestorydoessoundalittleinconsistent。IshouldhaveexpectedsomethingbetterfromMrs。
Fischer-Suympkins。Don’ttheycarrybricksinhods？Whyshouldaghostbringbricksintoavillabuiltofmarbleandstone？I’msosorry，butitmakesmethinkthatageisbeginningtotelluponMrs。Fischer-Suympkins。\"
\"Thishouse，\"continuedMrs。Kinsolving，\"wasbuiltuponthesiteofanoldoneusedbythefamilyduringtheRevolution。Therewouldn’tbeanythingstrangeinitshavingaghost。AndtherewasaCaptainKinsolvingwhofoughtinGeneralGreene’sarmy，thoughwe’veneverbeenabletosecureanypaperstovouchforit。Ifthereistobeafamilyghost，whycouldn’tithavebeenhis，insteadofabricklayer’s？\"
\"TheghostofaRevolutionaryancestorwouldn’tbeabadidea，\"agreedMrs。Bellmore；\"butyouknowhowarbitraryandinconsiderateghostscanbe。Maybe，likelove，theyare’engenderedintheeye。’Oneadvantageofthosewhoseeghostsisthattheirstoriescan’tbedisproved。Byaspitefuleye，aRevolutionaryknapsackmighteasilybeconstruedtobeahod。DearMrs。Kinsolving，thinknomoreofit。Iamsureitwasaknapsack。\"
\"Butshetoldeverybody！\"mournedMrs。Kinsolving，inconsolable。\"Sheinsisteduponthedetails。Thereisthepipe。Andhowareyougoingtogetoutoftheoveralls？\"
\"Shan’tgetintothem，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，withaprettilysuppressedyawn；\"toostiffandwrinkly。Isthatyou，Felice？Preparemybath，please。DoyoudineatsevenatClifftop，Mrs。Kinsolving？Sokindofyoutoruninforachatbeforedinner！Ilovethoselittletouchesofinformalitywithaguest。Theygivesuchahomeflavourtoavisit。Sosorry；Imustbedressing。IamsoindolentIalwayspostponeituntilthelastmoment。\"
Mrs。Fischer-SuympkinshadbeenthefirstlargeplumthattheKinsolvingshaddrawnfromthesocialpie。Foralongtime，thepieitselfhadbeenoutofreachonatopshelf。Butthepurseandthepursuithadatlastloweredit。Mrs。Fischer-Suympkinswastheheliographofthesmartsocietyparadingcorps。Theglitterofherwitandactionspassedalongtheline，transmittingwhateverwaslatestandmostdaringinthegameofpeep-show。Formerly，herfameandleadershiphadbeensecureenoughnottoneedthesupportofsuchartificesashandingaroundlivefrogsforfavoursatacotillon。But，now，thesethingswerenecessarytotheholdingofherthrone。Beside，middleagehadcometopreside，incongruous，athercapers。Thesensationalpapershadcutherspacefromapagetotwocolumns。Herwitdevelopedasting；hermannersbecamemoreroughandinconsiderate，asifshefelttheroyalnecessityofestablishingherautocracybyscorningtheconventionalitiesthatboundlesserpotentates。
TosomepressureatthecommandoftheKinsolvings，shehadyieldedsofarastohonourtheirhousebyherpresence，foraneveningandnight。Shehadherrevengeuponherhostessbyrelating，withgrimenjoymentandsarcastichumour，herstoryofthevisioncarryingthehod。Tothatlady，inrapturesathavingpenetratedthusfartowardthecovetedinnercircle，theresultcameasacrushingdisappointment。Everybodyeithersympathizedorlaughed，andtherewaslittletochoosebetweenthetwomodesofexpression。
But，lateron，Mrs。Kinsolving’shopesandspiritswererevivedbythecaptureofasecondandgreaterprize。
Mrs。BellamyBellmorehadacceptedaninvitationtovisitatClifftop，andwouldremainforthreedays。Mrs。Bellmorewasoneoftheyoungermatrons，whosebeauty，descent，andwealthgaveherareservedseatintheholyofholiesthatrequirednostrenuousbolstering。ShewasgenerousenoughthustogiveMrs。Kinsolvingtheaccoladethatwassopoignantlydesired；and，atthesametime，shethoughthowmuchitwouldpleaseTerence。Perhapsitwouldendbysolvinghim。
TerencewasMrs。Kinsolving’sson，agedtwenty-nine，quitegood-lookingenough，andwithtwoorthreeattractiveandmysterioustraits。Forone，hewasverydevotedtohismother，andthatwassufficientlyoddtodeservenotice。Forothers，hetalkedsolittlethatitwasirritating，andheseemedeitherveryshyorverydeep。TerenceinterestedMrs。
Bellmore，becauseshewasnotsurewhichitwas。Sheintendedtostudyhimalittlelonger，unlesssheforgotthematter。Ifhewasonlyshy，shewouldabandonhim，forshynessisabore。Ifhewasdeep，shewouldalsoabandonhim，fordepthisprecarious。
Ontheafternoonofthethirddayofhervisit，TerencehuntedupMrs。
Bellmore，andfoundherinanookactuallylookingatanalbum。
\"It’ssogoodofyou，\"saidhe，\"tocomedownhereandretrievethedayforus。IsupposeyouhaveheardthatMrs。Fischer-Suympkinsscuttledtheshipbeforesheleft。Sheknockedawholeplankoutofthebottomwithahod。Mymotherisgrievingherselfillaboutit。Can’tyoumanagetoseeaghostforuswhileyouarehere，Mrs。Bellmore——abang-up，swellghost，withacoronetonhisheadandachequebookunderhisarm？\"
\"Thatwasanaughtyoldlady，Terence，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，\"totellsuchstories。Perhapsyougavehertoomuchsupper。Yourmotherdoesn’treallytakeitseriously，doesshe？\"
\"Ithinkshedoes，\"answeredTerence。\"Onewouldthinkeverybrickinthehodhaddroppedonher。It’sagoodmammy，andIdon’tliketoseeherworried。It’stobehopedthattheghostbelongstothehod-carriers’
union，andwillgooutonastrike。Ifhedoesn’t，therewillbenopeaceinthisfamily。\"
\"I’msleepingintheghost-chamber，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，pensively。\"Butit’ssoniceIwouldn’tchangeit，evenifIwereafraid，whichI’mnot。
Itwouldn’tdoformetosubmitacounterstoryofadesirable，aristocraticshade，wouldit？Iwoulddoso，withpleasure，butitseemstomeitwouldbetooobviouslyanantidotefortheothernarrativetobeeffective。\"
\"True，\"saidTerence，runningtwofingersthoughtfullyintohiscrisp，brownhair；\"thatwouldneverdo。Howwoulditworktoseethesameghostagain，minustheoveralls，andhavegoldbricksinthehod？Thatwouldelevatethespectrefromdegradingtoiltoafinancialplane。Don’tyouthinkthatwouldberespectableenough？\"
\"TherewasanancestorwhofoughtagainsttheBritishers，wasn’tthere？
Yourmothersaidsomethingtothateffect。\"
\"Ibelieveso；oneofthoseoldchapsinraglanvestsandgolftrousers。
Idon’tcareacontinentalforaContinental，myself。Butthemotherhassetherheartonpompandheraldryandpyrotechnics，andIwanthertobehappy。\"
\"Youareagoodboy，Terence，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，sweepinghersilksclosetoonesideofher，\"nottobeatyourmother。Sitherebyme，andlet’slookatthealbum，justaspeopleusedtodotwentyyearsago。Now，tellmeabouteveryoneofthem。Whoisthistall，dignifiedgentlemanleaningagainstthehorizon，withonearmontheCorinthiancolumn？\"
\"Thatoldchapwiththebigfeet？\"inquiredTerence，craninghisneck。
\"That’sgreat-uncleO’Brannigan。HeusedtokeeparathskellerontheBowery。\"
\"Iaskedyoutositdown，Terence。Ifyouarenotgoingtoamuse，orobey，me，IshallreportinthemorningthatIsawaghostwearinganapronandcarryingschoonersofbeer。Now，thatisbetter。Tobeshy，atyourage，Terence，isathingthatyoushouldblushtoacknowledge。\"
Atbreakfastonthelastmorningofhervisit，Mrs。Bellmorestartledandentrancedeveryonepresentbyannouncingpositivelythatshehadseentheghost。
\"Didithavea——a——a——？\"Mrs。Kinsolving，inhersuspenseandagitation，couldnotbringouttheword。
\"No，indeed——farfromit。\"
Therewasachorusofquestionsfromothersatthetable。\"Weren’tyoufrightened？\"\"Whatdiditdo？\"\"Howdiditlook？\"\"Howwasitdressed？\"
\"Diditsayanything？\"\"Didn’tyouscream？\"
\"I’lltrytoanswereverythingatonce，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，heroically，\"althoughI’mfrightfullyhungry。Somethingawakenedme——I’mnotsurewhetheritwasanoiseoratouch——andtherestoodthephantom。Ineverburnalightatnight，sotheroomwasquitedark，butIsawitplainly。
Iwasn’tdreaming。Itwasatallman，allmistywhitefromheadtofoot。
ItworethefulldressoftheoldColonialdays——powderedhair，baggycoatskirts，laceruffles，andasword。Itlookedintangibleandluminousinthedark，andmovedwithoutasound。Yes，Iwasalittlefrightenedatfirst——orstartled，Ishouldsay。ItwasthefirstghostIhadeverseen。No，itdidn’tsayanything。Ididn’tscream。Iraiseduponmyelbow，andthenitglidedsilentlyaway，anddisappearedwhenitreachedthedoor。\"
Mrs。Kinsolvingwasintheseventhheaven。\"ThedescriptionisthatofCaptainKinsolving，ofGeneralGreene’sarmy，oneofourancestors，\"shesaid，inavoicethattrembledwithprideandrelief。\"IreallythinkI
mustapologizeforourghostlyrelative，Mrs。Bellmore。Iamafraidhemusthavebadlydisturbedyourrest。\"
Terencesentasmileofpleasedcongratulationtowardhismother。
AttainmentwasMrs。Kinsolving’s，atlast，andhelovedtoseeherhappy。
\"IsupposeIoughttobeashamedtoconfess，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，whowasnowenjoyingherbreakfast，\"thatIwasn’tverymuchdisturbed。Ipresumeitwouldhavebeenthecustomarythingtoscreamandfaint，andhaveallofyourunningaboutinpicturesquecostumes。But，afterthefirstalarmwasover，Ireallycouldn’tworkmyselfuptoapanic。Theghostretiredfromthestagequietlyandpeacefully，afterdoingitslittleturn，andI
wenttosleepagain。\"
Nearlyalllistened，politelyacceptedMrs。Bellmoresstoryasamade-upaffair，charitablyofferedasanoffsettotheunkindvisionseenbyMrs。
Fischer-Suympkins。Butoneortwopresentperceivedthatherassertionsborethegenuinestampofherownconvictions。Truthandcandourseemedtoattenduponeveryword。Evenascofferatghosts——ifhewereveryobservant——wouldhavebeenforcedtoadmitthatshehad，atleastinaveryvividdream，beenhonestlyawareoftheweirdvisitor。’
SoonMrs。Bellmore’smaidwaspacking。Intwohourstheautowouldcometoconveyhertothestation。AsTerencewasstrollingupontheeastpiazza，Mrs。Bellmorecameuptohim，withaconfidentialsparkleinhereye。