CHAPTERXIV：FROMJAFFATOALEXANDRIA
[FromtheProvidor’sLog-book。]
BillofFare，October12th。
MulligatawnySoup。
SaltFishandEggSauce。
RoastHaunchofMutton。
BoiledShoulderandOnionSauce。
BoiledBeef。
RoastFowls。
Pillauditto。
Ham。
HaricotMutton。
CurryandRice。
Cabbage。
FrenchBeans。
BoiledPotatoes。
Bakedditto。
DamsonTart。RicePuddings。
Currantditto。CurrantFritters。
Wewerejustattheport’smouth——andcouldseethetowersandbuildingsofAlexandriarisingpurpleagainstthesunset，whenthereportofaguncameboomingoverthecalmgoldenwater；andweheard，withmuchmortification，thatwehadnochanceofgettingpratiquethatnight。Alreadytheungratefulpassengershadbeguntotireoftheship，——thoughinourabsenceinSyriaithadbeencarefullycleansedandpurified；thoughitwasclearedoftheswarmingJewswhohadinfestedthedecksallthewayfromConstantinople；andthoughwehadbeenfeastingandcarousinginthemannerdescribedabove。
Butveryearlynextmorningweboreintotheharbour，busywithagreatquantityofcraft。Wepassedhugeblackhulksofmoulderingmen-of-war，fromthesternsofwhichtrailedthedirtyredflag，withthestarandcrescent；boats，mannedwithred-cappedseamen，andcaptainsandsteersmeninbeardsandtarbooshes，passedcontinuallyamongtheseoldhulks，therowersbendingtotheiroars，sothatateachstroketheydisappearedbodilyintheboat。
Besidesthese，therewasalargefleetofcountryships，andstarsandstripes，andtricolours，andUnionJacks；andmanyactivesteamers，oftheFrenchandEnglishcompanies，shootinginandoutoftheharbour，ormooredinthebrinywaters。Theshipofourcompany，the\"Oriental，\"laythere——apalaceuponthebrine，andsomeofthePasha’ssteam-vesselslikewise，lookingverylikeChristianboats；butitwasqueertolookatsomeunintelligibleTurkishflourishpaintedonthestern，andthelong-tailedArabianhieroglyphicsgiltonthepaddle-boxes。OurdearfriendandcomradeofBeyrout（ifwemaybepermittedtocallherso），H。M。S。
\"Trump，\"wasintheharbour；andthecaptainofthatgallantship，comingtogreetus，drovesomeofusonshoreinhisgig。
Ihadbeenpreparingmyselfovernight，bythehelpofacigarandamoonlightcontemplationondeck，forsensationsonlandinginEgypt。Iwasreadytoyieldmyselfupwithsolemnitytothemysticgrandeurofthesceneofinitiation。Pompey’sPillarmuststandlikeamountain，inayellowplain，surroundedbyagroveofobelisksastallaspalm-trees。Placidsphinxesbroodingo’ertheNile——mightyMemnoniancountenancescalm——hadrevealedEgypttomeinasonnetofTennyson’s，andIwasreadytogazeonitwithpyramidalwonderandhieroglyphicawe。
ThelandingquayatAlexandriaislikethedockyardquayatPortsmouth：withafewscoreofbrownfacesscatteredamongthepopulation。Thereareslop-sellers，dealersinmarine-stores，bottled-portershops，seamenlollingabout；flysandcabsareplyingforhire；andayellingchorusofdonkey-boys，shrieking，\"Ride，sir！——Donkey，sir！——Isay，sir！\"inexcellentEnglish，dispelallromanticnotions。Theplacidsphinxesbroodingo’ertheNiledisappearedwiththatshriekofthedonkey-boys。YoumightbeaswellimpressedwithWappingaswithyourfirststeponEgyptiansoil。
Theridingofadonkeyis，afterall，notadignifiedoccupation。
Amanresiststheofferatfirst，somehow，asanindignity。Howisthatpoorlittle，red-saddled，long-earedcreaturetocarryyou？
Istheretobeoneforyou，andanotherforyourlegs？NativesandEuropeans，ofallsizes，passby，itistrue，mounteduponthesamecontrivance。IwaiteduntilIgotintoaveryprivatespot，wherenobodycouldseeme，andthenascended——whynotsaydescended，atonce？——onthepoorlittleanimal。Insteadofbeingcrushedatonce，asperhapstheriderexpected，itdartedforward，quitebrisklyandcheerfully，atsixorsevenmilesanhour；requiringnospuroradmonitivetohaste，excepttheshriekingofthelittleEgyptiangamin，whoranalongbyasinus’sside。
ThecharacterofthehousesbywhichyoupassisscarcelyEasternatall。ThestreetsarebusywithamotleypopulationofJewsandArmenians，slave-driving-lookingEuropeans，large-breechedGreeks，andwell-shavenbuxommerchants，lookingastrimandfatasthoseontheBourseoron’Change；only，amongthenatives，thestrangercan’tfailtoremark（astheCaliphdidoftheCalendersinthe\"ArabianNights\"）thatsomanyofthemHAVEONLYONEEYE。Itisthehorridophthalmiawhichhasplayedsuchfrightfulravageswiththem。Youseechildrensittinginthedoorways，theireyescompletelyclosedupwiththegreensickeningsore，andthefliesfeedingonthem。Fiveorsixminutesofthedonkey-ridebringsyoutotheFrankquarter，andthehandsomebroadstreet（likeastreetofMarseilles）wheretheprincipalhotelsandmerchants’housesaretobefound，andwheretheconsulshavetheirhouses，andhoisttheirflags。ThepalaceoftheFrenchConsul-Generalmakesthegrandestshowinthestreet，andpresentsagreatcontrasttothehumbleabodeoftheEnglishrepresentative，whoprotectshisfellow-countrymenfromasecondfloor。
ButthatAlexandriantwo-pair-frontofaConsulatewasmorewelcomeandcheeringthanapalacetomostofus。Fortherelaycertainletters，withpost-marksofHOMEuponthem；andkindlytidings，thefirstheardfortwomonths：-thoughwehadseensomanymenandcitiessince，thatCornhillseemedtobeayearoff，atleast，withcertainpersonsdwelling（moreorless）inthatvicinity。IsawayoungOxfordmanseizehisdespatches，andslinkoffwithseveralletters，writteninatightneathand，andsedulouslycrossed；
whichanymancouldsee，withoutlookingfarther，werethehandiworkofMaryAnn，towhomheisattached。Thelawyerreceivedabundlefromhischambers，inwhichhisclerkeasedhissoulregardingthestateofSnooksv。Rodgers，SmithatsTomkins，&c。
Thestatesmanhadapacketofthickenvelopes，decoratedwiththatprofusionofsealing-waxinwhichofficialrecklessnesslavishestheresourcesofthecountry：andyourhumbleservantgotjustonelittlemodestletter，containinganother，writteninpencilcharacters，varyinginsizebetweenoneandtwoinches；buthowmuchpleasantertoreadthanmyLord’sdespatch，ortheclerk’saccountofSmithatsTomkins，——yes，eventhantheMaryAnncorrespondence！……Yes，mydearmadam，youwillunderstandme，whenIsaythatitwasfromlittlePollyathome，withsomeconfidentialnewsaboutacat，andthelastreportofhernewdoll。
Itisworthwhiletohavemadethejourneyforthispleasure：tohavewalkedthedeckonlongnights，andhavethoughtofhome。Youhavenoleisuretodosointhecity。Youdon’tseetheheavensshineaboveyousopurelythere，orthestarssoclearly。How，aftertheperusaloftheabovedocuments，weenjoyedafileoftheadmirableGalignani；andwhatO’Connellwasdoing；andthetwelvelastnewvictoriesoftheFrenchinAlgeria；and，aboveall，sixorsevennumbersofPunch！TheremighthavebeenanavenueofPompey’sPillarswithinreach，andalivesphinxsportingonthebanksoftheMahmoodiehCanal，andwewouldnothavestirredtoseethem，untilPunchhadhadhisinterviewandGalignaniwasdismissed。
ThecuriositiesofAlexandriaarefew，andeasilyseen。Wewentintothebazaars，whichhaveamuchmoreEasternlookthantheEuropeanquarter，withitsAnglo-Gallic-Italianinhabitants，andBabel-likecivilisation。Hereandtherealargehotel，clumsyandwhitewashed，withOrientaltrellisedwindows，andacoupleofslouchingsentinelsatthedoors，intheugliestcompositeuniformthateverwasseen，waspointedoutastheresidenceofsomegreatofficerofthePasha’sCourt，orofoneofthenumerouschildrenoftheEgyptianSolomon。HisHighnesswasinhisownpalace，andwasconsequentlynotvisible。Hewasindeepgrief，andstrictretirement。ItwasatthistimethattheEuropeannewspapersannouncedthathewasabouttoresignhisempire；butthequidnuncsofAlexandriahintedthatalove-affair，inwhichtheoldpotentatehadengagedwithsenileextravagance，andtheeffectsofapotionofhachisch，orsomedeleteriousdrug，withwhichhewasinthehabitofintoxicatinghimself，hadbroughtonthatlanguoranddesperatewearinessoflifeandgoverning，intowhichthevenerablePrincewasplunged。Beforethreedayswereover，however，thefithadlefthim，andhedeterminedtoliveandreignalittlelonger。
AveryfewdaysafterwardsseveralofourpartywerepresentedtohimatCairo，andfoundthegreatEgyptianrulerperfectlyconvalescent。
This，andtheOpera，andthequarrelsofthetwoprimedonne，andthebeautyofoneofthem，formedthechiefsubjectsofconversation；andIhadthisimportantnewsintheshopofacertainbarberinthetown，whoconveyeditinalanguagecomposedofFrench，Spanish，andItalian，andwithavolubilityquiteworthyofabarberof\"GilBlas。\"
ThenwewenttoseethefamousobeliskpresentedbyMehemetAlitotheBritishGovernment，whohavenotshownaparticularalacritytoacceptthisponderouspresent。Thehugeshaftliesontheground，prostrate，anddesecratedbyallsortsofabominations。Childrenweresprawlingabout，attractedbythedirtthere。Arabs，negroes，anddonkey-boyswerepassing，quiteindifferent，bythefallenmonsterofastone——asindifferentastheBritishGovernment，whodon’tcareforrecordingthegloriousterminationoftheirEgyptiancampaignof1801。Ifourcountrytakesthecomplimentsocoolly，surelyitwouldbedisloyaluponourpartstobemoreenthusiastic。
IwishtheywouldoffertheTrafalgarSquarePillartotheEgyptians；andthatbothofthehugeuglymonsterswerelyinginthedirttheresidebyside。
Pompey’sPillarisbynomeanssobigastheCharingCrosstrophy。
Thisvenerablecolumnhasnotescapedill-treatmenteither。
Numberlessships’companies，travellingcockneys，&c。，haveaffixedtheirrudemarksuponit。Somedaringruffianevenpaintedthenameof\"Warren’sblacking\"uponit，effacingotherinscriptions，——
one，Wilkinsonsays，of\"thesecondPsammetichus。\"Iregretdeeply，mydearfriend，thatIcannotgiveyouthisdocumentrespectingalamentedmonarch，inwhosehistoryIknowyoutakesuchaninterest。
ThebestsightIsawinAlexandriawasanegroholiday；whichwascelebratedoutsideofthetownbyasortofnegrovillageofhuts，swarmingwithold，lean，fat，ugly，infantine，happyfaces，thatnaturehadsmearedwithapreparationevenmoreblackanddurablethanthatwithwhichPsammetichus’sbasehasbeenpolished。Everyoneofthesejollyfaceswasonthebroadgrin，fromtheduskymothertotheindia-rubberchildsprawlinguponherback，andthevenerablejettyseniorwhosewoolwasaswhiteasthatofasheepinFlorian’spastorals。
Tothesedancersacoupleoffellowswereplayingonadrumandalittlebanjo。Theyweresingingachorus，whichwasnotonlysingular，andperfectlymarkedintherhythm，butexceedingsweetinthetune。Theydancedinacircle；andperformerscametroopingfromallquarters，whofellintotheround，andbeganwagglingtheirheads，andwavingtheirlefthands，andtossingupanddownthelittlethinrodswhichtheyeachcarried，andallsingingtotheverybestoftheirpower。
IsawthechiefeunuchoftheGrandTurkatConstantinoplepassby——
（hereisanaccuratelikenessofhisbeautifulfeatures{2}）——butwithwhatadifferentexpression！ThoughheisoneofthegreatestofthegreatintheTurkishEmpire（rankingwithaCabinetMinisterorLordChamberlainhere），hisfinecountenancewascloudedwithcare，andsavagewithennui。
Herehisblackbrethrenwereragged，starving，andhappy；andI
neednottellsuchafinemoralistasyouare，howitisthecase，inthewhiteaswellastheblackworld，thathappiness（republicanleveller，whodoesnotcareafigforthefashion）oftendisdainstheturretsofkings，topayavisittothe\"tabernaspauperum。\"
Wewenttheroundofthecoffee-housesintheevening，boththepoliteEuropeanplacesofresort，whereyougeticesandtheFrenchpapers，andthoseinthetown，whereGreeks，Turks，andgeneralcompanyresort，tosituponuncomfortablechairs，anddrinkwretchedmuddycoffee，andtolistentotwoorthreemiserablemusicians，whokeepupavariationofhowlingforhourstogether。
Buttheprettysongoftheniggershadspoiledmeforthatabominablemusic。
CHAPTERXV：TOCAIRO
WehadnoneedofhiringthecountryboatswhichplyontheMahmoodiehCanaltoAtfeh，whereitjoinstheNile，butwereaccommodatedinoneofthePeninsularandOrientalCompany’sfly-
boats；prettysimilartothosenarrowIrishcanalboatsinwhichtheenterprisingtravellerhasbeencarriedfromDublintoBallinasloe。Thepresentboatwas，tobesure，tuggedbyalittlesteamer，sothattheEgyptiancanalisaheadoftheIrishinsofar：innaturalscenery，theoneprospectisfullyequaltotheother；itmustbeconfessedthatthereisnothingtosee。Intruth，therewasnothingbutthis：yousawamuddybankoneachsideofyou，andablueskyoverhead。Afewroundmud-hutsandpalm-treeswereplantedalongthelinehereandthere。Sometimeswewouldsee，onthewater-side，awomaninabluerobe，withhersonbyher，inthattightbrowncostumewithwhichNaturehadsuppliedhim。Now，itwasahatdroppedbyoneofthepartyintothewater；abrownArabplungedanddisappearedincontinentlyafterthehat，re-issuedfromthemuddywater，prizeinhand，andrannakedafterthelittlesteamer（whichwasbythistimefaraheadofhim），hisbrawnylimbsshininginthesun：thenwehadhalf-coldfowlsandbitterale：thenwehaddinner——bitteraleandcoldfowls；withwhichincidentsthedayonthecanalpassedaway，asharmlesslyasifwehadbeeninaDutchtrackschuyt。
TowardseveningwearrivedatthetownofAtfeh——halfland，halfhouses，halfpalm-trees，withswarmsofhalf-nakedpeoplecrowdingtherusticshadybazaars，andbarteringtheirproduceoffruitormany-colouredgrain。Herethecanalcametoacheck，endingabruptlywithalargelock。Alittlefleetofmastsandcountryshipswerebeyondthelock，anditledintoTHENILE。
Afterall，itissomethingtohaveseentheseredwaters。Itisonlylowgreenbanks，mud-huts，andpalm-clumps，withthesunsettingredbehindthem，andthegreat，dull，sinuousriverflashinghereandthereinthelight。ButitistheNile，theoldSaturnofastream——adivinityyet，thoughyoungerriver-godshavedeposedhim。Hail！Ovenerablefatherofcrocodiles！Wewerealllostinsentimentsoftheprofoundestaweandrespect；whichweprovedbytumblingdownintothecabinoftheNilesteamerthatwaswaitingtoreceiveus，andfightingandcheatingforsleeping-
berths。
Atdawninthemorningwewereondeck；thecharacterhadnotalteredofthesceneryabouttheriver。Vastflatstretchesoflandwereoneitherside，recoveringfromthesubsidinginundations：nearthemudvillages，acountryshiportwowasroostingunderthedate-trees；thelandscapeeverywherestretchingawaylevelandlonely。Intheskyintheeastwasalongstreakofgreenishlight，whichwidenedandroseuntilitgrewtobeofanopalcolour，thenorange；then，behold，theroundreddiscofthesunroseflamingupabovethehorizon。Allthewaterblushedashegotup；thedeckwasallred；thesteersmangavehishelmtoanother，andprostratedhimselfonthedeck，andbowedhisheadeastward，andpraisedtheMakerofthesun：itshoneonhiswhiteturbanashewaskneeling，andgiltuphisbronzedface，andsenthisblueshadowovertheglowingdeck。Thedistances，whichhadbeengrey，werenowclothedinpurple；andthebroadstreamwasilluminated。Asthesunrosehigher，themorningblushfadedaway；
theskywascloudlessandpale，andtheriverandthesurroundinglandscapeweredazzlinglyclear。
Lookingaheadinanhourortwo，wesawthePyramids。Fancymysensations，dearM-：twobigonesandalittleone-！！！
Theretheylay，rosyandsolemninthedistance——thoseold，majestical，mystical，familiaredifices。Severalofustriedtobeimpressed；butbreakfastsupervening，arushwasmadeatthecoffeeandcoldpies，andthesentimentofawewaslostinthescrambleforvictuals。
Arewesoblasesoftheworldthatthegreatestmarvelsinitdonotsucceedinmovingus？Havesociety，PallMallclubs，andahabitofsneering，sowitheredupourorgansofvenerationthatwecanadmirenomore？MysensationwithregardtothePyramidswas，thatIhadseenthembefore：thencameafeelingofshamethattheviewofthemshouldawakennorespect。ThenIwanted（naturally）
toseewhethermyneighbourswereanymoreenthusiasticthanmyself——TrinityCollege，Oxford，wasbusywiththecoldham：
DowningStreetwasparticularlyattentivetoabunchofgrapes：
FigtreeCourtbehavedwithdecentpropriety；heisingoodpractice，andofaConservativeturnofmind，whichleadshimtorespectfromprinciplelesfaitsaccomplis：perhapsherememberedthatoneofthemwasasbigasLincoln’sInnFields。But，thetruthis，nobodywasseriouslymoved……Andwhyshouldthey，becauseofanexaggerationofbrickseversoenormous？Iconfess，formypart，thatthePyramidsareverybig。
Afteravoyageofaboutthirtyhours，thesteamerbroughtupatthequayofBoulak，amidstasmallfleetofdirtycomfortlesscangias，inwhichcottonsandmerchandisewereloadingandunloading，andahugenoiseandbustleontheshore。Numerousvillas，parks，andcountry-houseshadbeguntodecoratetheCairobankofthestreamerethis：residencesofthePasha’snobles，whohavehadorderstotaketheirpleasurehereandbeautifytheprecinctsofthecapital；
tallfactorychimneysalsorisehere；therearefoundriesandsteam-enginemanufactories。These，andthepleasure-houses，standastrimassoldiersonparade；contrastingwiththeswarming，slovenly，close，tumble-down，Easternoldtown，thatformstheoutportofCairo，andwasbuiltbeforetheimportationofEuropeantasteanddiscipline。
Herewealightedupondonkeys，tothefullasbriskasthoseofAlexandria，invaluabletotimidriders，andequaltoanyweight。
WehadaJerusalemponyraceintoCairo；myanimalbeatingalltherestbymanylengths。Theentrancetothecapital，fromBoulak，isverypleasantandpicturesque——overafairroad，andthewide-
plantedplainoftheEzbekieh；wherearegardens，canals，fields，andavenuesoftrees，andwherethegreatonesofthetowncomeandtaketheirpleasure。WesawmanybarouchesdrivingaboutwithfatPashaslollingonthecushions；stately-lookingcolonelsanddoctorstakingtheirride，followedbytheirorderliesorfootmen；
linesofpeopletakingpipesandsherbetinthecoffee-houses；andoneofthepleasantestsightsofall，——afinenewwhitebuildingwithHOTELD’ORIENTwrittenupinhugeFrenchcharacters，andwhich，indeed，isanestablishmentaslargeandcomfortableasmostofthebestinnsoftheSouthofFrance。AsahundredChristianpeople，ormore，comefromEnglandandfromIndiaeveryfortnight，thisinnhasbeenbuilttoaccommodatealargeproportionofthem；
andtwiceamonth，atleast，itssixtyroomsarefull。
Thegardensfromthewindowsgiveaverypleasantandanimatedview：thehotel-gateisbesiegedbycrewsofdonkey-drivers；thenoblestatelyArabwomen，withtawnyskins（ofwhichasimplerobeoffloatingbluecottonenablesyouliberallytoseethecolour）
andlargeblackeyes，cometothewellhardbyforwater：camelsareperpetuallyarrivingandsettingdowntheirloads：thecourtisfullofbustlingdragomans，ayahs，andchildrenfromIndia；andpooroldvenerablehe-nurses，withgreybeardsandcrimsonturbans，tendinglittlewhite-facedbabiesthathaveseenthelightatDumdumorFuttyghur：acopper-colouredbarber，seatedonhishams，isshavingacamel-driveratthegreatinn-gate。Thebellsareringingprodigiously；andLieutenantWaghornisbouncinginandoutofthecourtyardfullofbusiness。HeonlyleftBombayyesterdaymorning，wasseenintheRedSeaonTuesday，isengagedtodinnerthisafternoonintheRegent’sPark，and（asitisabouttwominutessinceIsawhiminthecourtyard）ImakenodoubtheisbythistimeatAlexandria，oratMalta，say，perhaps，atboth。Ilenestcapable。Ifanymancanbeattwoplacesatonce（whichI
don’tbelieveordeny）Waghornishe。
Sixo’clockbellrings。Sixtypeoplesitdowntoaquasi-Frenchbanquet：thirtyIndianofficersinmoustachesandjackets；tenciviliansindittoandspectacles；tenpale-facedladieswithringlets，towhomallpayprodigiousattention。Allthepaleladiesdrinkpaleale，which，perhaps，accountsforit；infacttheBombayandSuezpassengershavejustarrived，andhencethiscrowdingandbustling，anddisplayofmilitaryjacketsandmoustaches，andringletsandbeauty。Thewindowsareopen，andarushofmosquitoesfromtheEzbekiehwaters，attractedbythewaxcandles，addsgreatlytotheexcitementofthescene。TherewasalittletougholdMajor，whopersistedinflingingopenthewindows，toadmitthesevolatilecreatures，withanobledisregardtotheirsting——andthepaleringletsdidnotseemtoheedthemeither，thoughthedelicateshouldersofsomeofthemwerebare。
Allthemeat，ragouts，fricandeaux，androasts，whichareservedroundatdinner，seemtometobeofthesamemeat：ablackuncertainsortofvianddothese\"fleshpotsofEgypt\"contain。Butwhatthemeatisnooneknew：isitthedonkey？TheanimalismoreplentifulthananyotherinCairo。
Afterdinner，theladiesretiring，someofustakeamixtureofhotwater，sugar，andpaleFrenchbrandy，whichissaidtobedeleterious，butisbynomeansunpalatable。OneoftheIndiansoffersabundleofBengalcheroots；andwemakeacquaintancewiththosehonestbeardedwhite-jacketedMajorsandmilitaryCommanders，findingEnglandhereinaFrenchhotelkeptbyanItalian，atthecityofGrandCairo，inAfrica。
Onretiringtobedyoutakeatowelwithyouintothesacredinterior，behindthemosquitocurtains。Thenyourdutyis，havingtuckedthecurtainscloselyaround，toflapandbangviolentlywiththistowel，rightandleft，andbackwardsandforwards，untileverymosquitoshouldhavebeenmassacredthatmayhavetakenrefugewithinyourmuslincanopy。
Dowhatyouwill，however，oneofthemalwaysescapesthemurder；
andassoonasthecandleisoutthemiscreantbeginshisinfernaldroningandtrumpeting；descendsplayfullyuponyournoseandface，andsolightlythatyoudon’tknowthathetouchesyou。Butthatforaweekafterwardsyoubearaboutmarksofhisferocity，youmighttaketheinvisiblelittlebeingtobeacreatureoffancy——ameresinginginyourears。
This，asanaccountofCairo，dearM-，youwillprobablybedisposedtoconsiderasincomplete：thefactis，Ihaveseennothingelseasyet。Ihavepeeredintonoharems。Themagicians，provedtobehumbugs，havebeenbastinadoedoutoftown。Thedancing-girls，thoselovelyAlme，ofwhomIhadhopedtobeabletogiveaglowingandelegant，thoughstrictlymoral，description，havebeenwhippedintoUpperEgypt，andasyouaresayinginyourmind——Well，itISN’TagooddescriptionofCairo：youareperfectlyright。ItisEnglandinEgypt。Iliketoseehertherewithherpluck，enterprise，manliness，bitterale，andHarveySauce。Wherevertheycometheystayandprosper。FromthesummitofyonderPyramidsfortycenturiesmaylookdownonthemiftheyareminded；andIsay，thosevenerabledaughtersoftimeoughttobebetterpleasedbytheexamination，thanbyregardingtheFrenchbayonetsandGeneralBonaparte，MemberoftheInstitute，fiftyyearsago，runningaboutwithsabreandpigtail。Wondershedid，tobesure，andthenranaway，leavingKleber，tobemurdered，inthelurch——afewhundredyardsfromthespotwherethesedisquisitionsarewritten。ButwhatarehiswonderscomparedtoWaghorn？NapmassacredtheMamelukesatthePyramids：WaghasconqueredthePyramidsthemselves；draggedtheunwieldystructuresamonthnearerEnglandthantheywere，andbroughtthecountryalongwiththem。AllthetrophiesandcaptivesthateverwerebroughttoRomantriumphwerenotsoenormousandwonderfulasthis。AlltheheadsthatNapoleonevercausedtobestruckoff（asGeorgeCruikshanksays）wouldnotelevatehimamonumentasbig。
Beoursthetrophiesofpeace！Omycountry！OWaghorn！Haetibieruntartes。WhenIgotothePyramidsIwillsacrificeinyourname，andpouroutlibationsofbitteraleandHarveySauceinyourhonour。
Oneofthenoblestviewsintheworldistobeseenfromthecitadel，whichweascendedto-day。Youseethecitystretchingbeneathit，withathousandminaretsandmosques，——thegreatrivercurlingthroughthegreenplains，studdedwithinnumerablevillages。ThePyramidsarebeyond，brilliantlydistinct；andthelinesandfortificationsoftheheight，andthearsenallyingbelow。Gazingdown，theguidedoesnotfailtopointoutthefamousMamelukeleap，bywhichoneofthecorpsescapeddeath，atthetimethatHisHighnessthePashaarrangedthegeneralmassacreofthebody。
ThevenerablePatriarch’sharemiscloseby，wherehereceived，withmuchdistinction，someofthemembersofourparty。Wewereallowedtopassveryclosetothesacredprecincts，andsawacomfortablewhiteEuropeanbuilding，approachedbyflightsofsteps，andflankedbyprettygardens。Policeandlaw-courtswereherealso，asIunderstood；butitwasnotthetimeoftheEgyptianassizes。Itwouldhavebeenpleasant，otherwise，toseetheChiefCadiinhishallofjustice；andpainful，thoughinstructive，tobeholdtheimmediateapplicationofthebastinado。
ThegreatlionoftheplaceisanewmosquewhichMehemetAliisconstructingveryleisurely。Itisbuiltofalabasterofafairwhite，withadelicateblushingtinge；buttheornamentsareEuropean——thenoble，fantastic，beautifulOrientalartisforgotten。Theoldmosquesofthecity，ofwhichIenteredtwo，andlookedatmany，areathousandtimesmorebeautiful。Theirvarietyofornamentisastonishing，——thedifferenceintheshapesofthedomes，thebeautifulfanciesandcapricesintheformsoftheminarets，whichviolatetherulesofproportionwiththemosthappydaringgrace，musthavestruckeveryarchitectwhohasseenthem。Asyougothroughthestreets，thesearchitecturalbeautieskeeptheeyecontinuallycharmed：nowitisamarblefountain，withitsarabesqueandcarvedoverhangingroof，whichyoucanlookatwithasmuchpleasureasanantiquegem，soneatandbrilliantistheexecutionofit；then，youcometothearchedentrancetoamosque，whichshootsuplike——likewhat？——likethemostbeautifulpirouettebyTaglioni，letussay。Thisarchitectureisnotsublimelybeautiful，perfectlovelinessandcalm，likethatwhichwasrevealedtousattheParthenon（andincomparisonofwhichthePantheonandColosseumarevulgarandcoarse，merebroad-shoulderedTitansbeforeambrosialJove）；butthesefantasticspires，andcupolas，andgalleries，excite，amuse，tickletheimagination，sotospeak，andperpetuallyfascinatetheeye。TherewereveryfewbelieversinthefamousmosqueofSultanHassanwhenwevisitedit，excepttheMoslemitishbeadle，whowasonthelook-outforbacksheesh，justlikehisbrotherofficerinanEnglishcathedral；
andwho，makingusputonstrawslippers，soasnottopollutethesacredpavementoftheplace，conductedusthroughit。
Itisstupendouslylightandairy；thebestspecimensofNormanartthatIhaveseen（andsurelytheCrusadersmusthavecarriedhomethemodelsoftheseheathenishtemplesintheireyes）donotexceeditsnoblegraceandsimplicity。Themysticsmakediscoveriesathome，thattheGothicarchitectureisCatholicismcarvedinstone——
（inwhichcase，andifarchitecturalbeautyisacriterionorexpressionofreligion，whatadismalbarbarouscreedmustthatexpressedbytheBethesdameeting-houseandIndependentchapelsbe？）——if，astheywouldgravelyhint，becauseGothicarchitectureisbeautiful，Catholicismisthereforelovelyandright，——why，Mahometanismmusthavebeenrightandlovelytooonce。Neverdidacreedpossesstemplesmoreelegant；aselegantastheCathedralatRouen，ortheBaptisteryatPisa。
Butitischangednow。Therewasnobodyatprayers；onlytheofficialbeadles，andthesupernumeraryguides，whocameforbacksheesh。Faithhathdegenerated。Accordinglytheycan’tbuildthesemosques，orinventtheseperfectforms，anymore。WitnessthetawdryincompletenessandvulgarityofthePasha’snewtemple，andthewofulfailuresamongtheverylateedificesinConstantinople！
However，theystillmakepilgrimagestoMeccaingreatforce。TheMosqueofHassanishardbythegreenplainonwhichtheHagencampsbeforeitsetsforthannuallyonitspiousperegrination。
Itwasnotyetitstime，butIsawinthebazaarsthatredoubtedDervish，whoisthemasteroftheHag——theleaderofeveryprocession，accompanyingthesacredcamel；andapersonagealmostasmuchrespectedasMr。O’ConnellinIreland。
Thisfellowlivesbyalms（ImeantheheadoftheHag）。Winterandsummerhewearsnoclothesbutathinandscantywhiteshirt。Hewieldsastaff，andstalksalongscowlingandbarefoot。Hisimmenseshockofblackhairstreamsbehindhim，andhisbrownbrawnybodyiscurledoverwithblackhair，likeasavageman。
Thissainthasthelargesthareminthetown；heissaidtobeenormouslyrichbythecontributionshehaslevied；andissoadoredforhisholinessbytheinfatuatedfolk，thatwhenhereturnsfromtheHag（whichhedoesonhorseback，thechiefMollahsgoingouttomeethimandescorthimhomeinstatealongtheEzbekiehroad），thepeopleflingthemselvesdownunderthehorse’sfeet，eagertobetrampleduponandkilled，andconfidentofheavenifthegreatHadji’shorsewillbutkickthemintoit。WasitmyfaultifIthoughtofHadjiDaniel，andthebelieversinhim？
TherewasnoDervishofreputeontheplainwhenIpassed；onlyonepoorwildfellow，whowasdancing，withglaringeyesandgrizzledbeard，rathertothecontemptofthebystanders，asIthought，whobynomeansputcoppersintohisextendedbowl。Onthispoordevil’sheadtherewasapoorerdevilstill——alivecock，entirelyplucked，butornamentedwithsomebitsofraggedtapeandscarletandtinsel，themosthorriblygrotesqueandmiserableobjectIeversaw。
Alittlewayfromhim，therewasasortofplaygoingon——aclownandaknowingone，likeWiddicombeandtheclownwithus，——thebuffoonansweringwithblunderingresponses，whichmadealltheaudienceshoutwithlaughter；buttheonlyjokewhichwastranslatedtomewouldmakeyoudoanythingbutlaugh，andshallthereforeneverberevealedbytheselips。Alltheirhumour，mydragomantellsme，isofthisquestionablesort；andayoungEgyptiangentleman，sonofaPasha，whomIsubsequentlymetatMalta，confirmedthestatement，andgaveadetailofthepracticesofprivatelifewhichwasanythingbutedifying。Thegreataimofwoman，hesaid，inthemuch-malignedOrient，istoadministertothebrutalityofherlord；hermeritisinknowinghowtovarythebeast’spleasures。Hecouldgiveusnoidea，hesaid，ofthewitoftheEgyptianwomen，andtheirskillindoubleentendre；nor，I
presume，didwelosemuchbyourignorance。WhatIwouldurge，humbly，however，isthis——DonotletusbeledawaybyGermanwritersandaesthetics，Semilassoisms，Hahnhahnisms，andthelike。
ThelifeoftheEastisalifeofbrutes。ThemuchmalignedOrient，Iamconfident，hasnotbeenmalignednearenough；forthegoodreasonthatnoneofuscantelltheamountofhorriblesensualitypractisedthere。
BeyondtheJack-puddingrascalandhisaudience，therewasonthegreenaspot，onwhichwaspointedouttomeamark，asofblood。
ThatmorningthebloodhadspoutedfromtheneckofanArnaootsoldier，whohadbeenexecutedformurder。TheseArnaootsarethecurseandterrorofthecitizens。Theircampsarewithoutthecity；buttheyarealwaysbrawling，ordrunken，ormurderingwithin，inspiteoftherigidlawwhichisappliedtothem，andwhichbringsoneormoreofthescoundrelstodeathalmosteveryweek。
Someofourpartyhadseenthisfellowbornebythehotelthedaybefore，inthemidstofacrowdofsoldierswhohadapprehendedhim。Themanwasstillformidabletohisscoreofcaptors：hisclotheshadbeentornoff；hislimbswereboundwithcords；buthewasstrugglingfranticallytogetfree；andmyinformantdescribedthefigureandappearanceofthenaked，bound，writhingsavage，asquiteamodelofbeauty。
Walkinginthestreet，thisfellowhadjustbeforebeenstruckbythelooksofawomanwhowaspassing，andlaidhandsonher。Sheranaway，andhepursuedher。Sheranintothepolice-barrack，whichwasluckilyhardby；buttheArnaootwasnothingdaunted，andfollowedintothemidstofthepolice。Oneofthemtriedtostophim。TheArnaootpulledoutapistol，andshotthepolicemandead。
Hecutdownthreeorfourmorebeforehewassecured。Heknewhisinevitableendmustbedeath：thathecouldnotseizeuponthewoman：thathecouldnothopetoresisthalfaregimentofarmedsoldiers：yethisinstinctoflustandmurderwastoostrong；andsohehadhisheadtakenoffquitecalmlythismorning，manyofhiscomradesattendingtheirbrother’slastmoments。Hecarednottheleastaboutdying；andkneltdownandhadhisheadoffascoollyasifhewerelookingonatthesameceremonyperformedonanother。
Whentheheadwasoff，andthebloodwasspoutingontheground，amarriedwoman，whohadnochildren，cameforwardveryeagerlyoutofthecrowd，tosmearherselfwithit，——theapplicationofcriminals’bloodbeingconsideredaveryfavourablemedicineforwomenafflictedwithbarrenness，——sosheindulgedinthisremedy。
ButoneoftheArnaootsstandingnearsaid，\"What，youlikeblood，doyou？\"（orwordstothateffect）。\"Let’sseehowyoursmixeswithmycomrade’s。\"Andthereupon，takingoutapistol，heshotthewomaninthemidstofthecrowdandtheguardswhowereattendingtheexecution；wasseizedofcoursebythelatter；andnodoubtto-morrowmorningwillhaveHISheadofftoo。Itwouldbeagoodchaptertowrite——theDeathoftheArnaoot——butIshan’tgo。
Seeingonemanhangedisquiteenoughinthecourseofalife。J’yaiete，astheFrenchmansaidofhunting。
TheseArnaootsaretheterrorofthetown。TheyseizedholdofanEnglishmantheotherday，andwereverynearlypistollinghim。
LastweekoneofthemmurderedashopkeeperatBoulak，whorefusedtosellhimawater-melonatapricewhichhe，thesoldier，fixeduponit。So，forthematterofthree-halfpence，hekilledtheshopkeeper；andhadhisownrascallyheadchoppedoff，universallyregrettedbyhisfriends。Why，Iwonder，doesnotHisHighnessthePashainvitetheArnaootstoadejeunerattheCitadel，ashedidtheMamelukes，andservethemupthesamesortofbreakfast？ThewallsareconsiderablyheightenedsinceEminBeyandhishorseleaptthem，anditisprobablethatnotoneofthemwouldescape。
Thissortofpistolpracticeiscommonenoughhere，itwouldappear；andnotamongtheArnaootsmerely，butthehigherorders。
Thus，ashorttimesince，oneofHisHighness’sgrandsons，whomI
shallcallBluebeardPasha（lestarevelationofthenameofthesaidPashamightinterruptourgoodrelationswithhiscountry）——
oneoftheyoungPashasbeingratherbackwardinhiseducation，andanxioustolearnmathematics，andtheelegantdeportmentofcivilisedlife，senttoEnglandforatutor。IhaveheardhewasaCambridgeman，andhadlearnedbothalgebraandpolitenessundertheReverendDoctorWhizzle，of——College。
OnedaywhenMr。MacWhirter，B。A。，waswalkinginShoubraGardens，withHisHighnesstheyoungBluebeardPasha，inductinghimintotheusagesofpolishedsociety，andfavouringhimwithreminiscencesofTrumpington，therecameupapoorfellah，whoflunghimselfatthefeetofyoungBluebeard，andcallingforjusticeinaloudandpatheticvoice，andholdingoutapetition，besoughtHisHighnesstocastagraciouseyeuponthesame，andseethathisslavehadjusticedonehim。
BluebeardPashawassodeeplyengagedandinterestedbyhisrespectedtutor’sconversation，thathetoldthepoorfellahtogotothedeuce，andresumedthediscoursewhichhisill-timedoutcryforjusticehadinterrupted。Buttheunluckywightofafellahwaspushedbyhisevildestiny，andthoughthewouldmakeyetanotherapplication。Sohetookashortcutdownoneofthegardenlanes，andasthePrinceandtheReverendMr。MacWhirter，histutor，camealongoncemoreengagedinpleasantdisquisition，beholdthefellahwasoncemoreintheirway，kneelingattheaugustBluebeard’sfeet，yellingoutforjusticeasbefore，andthrustinghispetitionintotheRoyalface。
WhenthePrince’sconversationwasthusinterruptedasecondtime，hisRoyalpatienceandclemencywereatanend。\"Man，\"saidhe，\"oncebeforeIbadetheenottopestermewiththyclamour，andlo！
youhavedisobeyedme，——taketheconsequencesofdisobediencetoaPrince，andthybloodbeuponthineownhead。\"Sosaying，hedrewoutapistolandblewoutthebrainsofthatfellah，sothatheneverbawledoutforjusticeanymore。
TheReverendMr。MacWhirterwasastonishedatthissuddenmodeofproceeding：\"GraciousPrince，\"saidhe，\"wedonotshootanundergraduateatCambridgeevenforwalkingoveracollegegrass-
plot。——LetmesuggesttoyourRoyalHighnessthatthismethodofriddingyourselfofapoordevil’simportunitiesissuchasweshouldconsiderabruptandalmostcruelinEurope。LetmebegyoutomoderateyourRoyalimpetuosityforthefuture；and，asyourHighness’stutor，entreatyoutobealittlelessprodigalofyourpowderandshot。\"
\"OMollah！\"saidHisHighness，hereinterruptinghisgovernor’saffectionateappeal，——\"youaregoodtotalkaboutTrumpingtonandthePonsAsinorum，butifyouinterferewiththecourseofjusticeinanyway，orpreventmefromshootinganydogofanArabwhosnarlsatmyheels，Ihaveanotherpistol；and，bythebeardoftheProphet！abulletforyoutoo。\"Sosayinghepulledouttheweapon，withsuchaterrificandsignificantglanceattheReverendMr。MacWhirter，thatthatgentlemanwishedhimselfbackinhisCombinationRoomagain；andisbythistime，letushope，safelyhousedthere。
Anotherfacetiousanecdote，thelastofthoseIhadfromawell-
informedgentlemanresidingatCairo，whosename（asmanycopiesofthisbookthatistobewillbeinthecirculatinglibrariesthere）
Icannot，forobviousreasons，mention。Therevenuesofthecountrycomeintotheaugusttreasurythroughthemeansoffarmers，towhomthedistrictsareletout，andwhoarepersonallyanswerablefortheirquotaofthetaxation。Thispracticeinvolvesanintolerabledealoftyrannyandextortiononthepartofthoseengagedtolevythetaxes，andcreatesacorrespondingduplicityamongthefellahs，whoarenotonlywretchedlypooramongthemselves，butwhoseobjectistoappearstillmorepoor，andguardtheirmoneyfromtheirrapaciousoverseers。ThustheOrientismuchmaligned；buteverybodycheatsthere：thatisamelancholyfact。ThePasharobsandcheatsthemerchants；knowsthattheoverseerrobshim，andbideshistime，untilhemakeshimdisgorgebytheapplicationofthetremendousbastinado；theoverseerrobsandsqueezesthelabourer；andthepoverty-strickendevilcheatsandrobsinreturn；andsothegovernmentmovesinahappycycleofroguery。