Shelookedatmewithsurpriseforamoment，butsoonherlightsmilecameagain，andsheansweredsarcastically，\"WhydoyousupposeIlovehim？\"
\"Howcanyouaskthat，Bertha？\"
\"What！yourwisdomthinksImustlovethemanI’mgoingtomarry？
Themostunpleasantthingintheworld。Ishouldquarrelwithhim；
Ishouldbejealousofhim；ourmenagewouldbeconductedinaveryill-bredmanner。Alittlequietcontemptcontributesgreatlytotheeleganceoflife。\"
\"Bertha，thatisnotyourrealfeeling。Whydoyoudelightintryingtodeceivemebyinventingsuchcynicalspeeches？\"
\"Ineednevertakethetroubleofinventioninordertodeceiveyou，mysmallTasso\"——（thatwasthemockingnamesheusuallygaveme）。\"Theeasiestwaytodeceiveapoetistotellhimthetruth。\"
Shewastestingthevalidityofherepigraminadaringway，andforamomenttheshadowofmyvision——theBerthawhosesoulwasnosecrettome——passedbetweenmeandtheradiantgirl，theplayfulsylphwhosefeelingswereafascinatingmystery。IsupposeImusthaveshuddered，orbetrayedinsomeotherwaymymomentarychillofhorror。
\"Tasso！\"shesaid，seizingmywrist，andpeepingroundintomyface，\"areyoureallybeginningtodiscernwhataheartlessgirlI
am？Why，youarenothalfthepoetIthoughtyouwere；youareactuallycapableofbelievingthetruthaboutme。\"
Theshadowpassedfrombetweenus，andwasnolongertheobjectnearesttome。Thegirlwhoselightfingersgraspedme，whoseelfishcharmingfacelookedintomine——who，Ithought，wasbetrayinganinterestinmyfeelingsthatshewouldnothavedirectlyavowed，——thiswarmbreathingpresenceagainpossessedmysensesandimaginationlikeareturningsirenmelodywhichhadbeenoverpoweredforaninstantbytheroarofthreateningwaves。Itwasamomentasdelicioustomeasthewakinguptoaconsciousnessofyouthafteradreamofmiddleage。Iforgoteverythingbutmypassion，andsaidwithswimmingeyes-
\"Bertha，shallyoulovemewhenwearefirstmarried？Iwouldn’tmindifyoureallylovedmeonlyforalittlewhile。\"
Herlookofastonishment，assheloosedmyhandandstartedawayfromme，recalledmetoasenseofmystrange，mycriminalindiscretion。
\"Forgiveme，\"Isaid，hurriedly，assoonasIcouldspeakagain；\"I
didnotknowwhatIwassaying。\"
\"Ah，Tasso’smadfithascomeon，Isee，\"sheansweredquietly，forshehadrecoveredherselfsoonerthanIhad。\"Lethimgohomeandkeephisheadcool。Imustgoin，forthesunissetting。\"
Ilefther——fullofindignationagainstmyself。Ihadletslipwordswhich，ifshereflectedonthem，mightrouseinherasuspicionofmyabnormalmentalcondition——asuspicionwhichofallthingsIdreaded。Andbesidesthat，IwasashamedoftheapparentbasenessIhadcommittedinutteringthemtomybrother’sbetrothedwife。Iwanderedhomeslowly，enteringourparkthroughaprivategateinsteadofbythelodges。AsIapproachedthehouse，Isawamandashingoffatfullspeedfromthestable-yardacrossthepark。
Hadanyaccidenthappenedathome？No；perhapsitwasonlyoneofmyfather’speremptorybusinesserrandsthatrequiredthisheadlonghaste。
NeverthelessIquickenedmypacewithoutanydistinctmotive，andwassoonatthehouse。IwillnotdwellonthesceneIfoundthere。Mybrotherwasdead——hadbeenpitchedfromhishorse，andkilledonthespotbyaconcussionofthebrain。
Iwentuptotheroomwherehelay，andwheremyfatherwasseatedbesidehimwithalookofrigiddespair。Ihadshunnedmyfathermorethananyonesinceourreturnhome，fortheradicalantipathybetweenournaturesmademyinsightintohisinnerselfaconstantafflictiontome。Butnow，asIwentuptohim，andstoodbesidehiminsadsilence，Ifeltthepresenceofanewelementthatblendedusaswehadneverbeenblentbefore。Myfatherhadbeenoneofthemostsuccessfulmeninthemoney-gettingworld：hehadhadnosentimentalsufferings，noillness。Theheaviesttroublethathadbefallenhimwasthedeathofhisfirstwife。Buthemarriedmymothersoonafter；andIrememberheseemedexactlythesame，tomykeenchildishobservation，theweekafterherdeathasbefore。Butnow，atlast，asorrowhadcome——thesorrowofoldage，whichsuffersthemorefromthecrushingofitsprideanditshopes，inproportionastheprideandhopearenarrowandprosaic。
Hissonwastohavebeenmarriedsoon——wouldprobablyhavestoodfortheboroughatthenextelection。Thatson’sexistencewasthebestmotivethatcouldbeallegedformakingnewpurchasesoflandeveryyeartoroundofftheestate。Itisadrearythingontoliveondoingthesamethingsyearafteryear，withoutknowingwhywedothem。Perhapsthetragedyofdisappointedyouthandpassionislesspiteousthanthetragedyofdisappointedageandworldliness。
AsIsawintothedesolationofmyfather’sheart，Ifeltamovementofdeeppitytowardshim，whichwasthebeginningofanewaffection——anaffectionthatgrewandstrengthenedinspiteofthestrangebitternesswithwhichheregardedmeinthefirstmonthortwoaftermybrother’sdeath。Ifithadnotbeenforthesofteninginfluenceofmycompassionforhim——thefirstdeepcompassionIhadeverfelt——Ishouldhavebeenstungbytheperceptionthatmyfathertransferredtheinheritanceofaneldestsontomewithamortifiedsensethatfatehadcompelledhimtotheunwelcomecourseofcaringformeasanimportantbeing。Itwasonlyinspiteofhimselfthathebegantothinkofmewithanxiousregard。Thereishardlyanyneglectedchildforwhomdeathhasmadevacantamorefavouredplace，whowillnotunderstandwhatImean。
Gradually，however，mynewdeferencetohiswishes，theeffectofthatpatiencewhichwasbornofmypityforhim，wonuponhisaffection，andhebegantopleasehimselfwiththeendeavourtomakemefillanybrother’splaceasfullyasmyfeeblerpersonalitywouldadmit。IsawthattheprospectwhichbyandbypresenteditselfofmybecomingBertha’shusbandwaswelcometohim，andheevencontemplatedinmycasewhathehadnotintendedinmybrother’s——thathissonanddaughter-in-lawshouldmakeonehouseholdwithhim。MysoftenedfeelingstowardsmyfathermadethisthehappiesttimeIhadknownsincechildhood；——theselastmonthsinwhichIretainedthedeliciousillusionoflovingBertha，oflonginganddoubtingandhopingthatshemightloveme。Shebehavedwithacertainnewconsciousnessanddistancetowardsmeaftermybrother’sdeath；andItoowasunderadoubleconstraint——
thatofdelicacytowardsmybrother’smemoryandofanxietyastotheimpressionmyabruptwordshadleftonhermind。Buttheadditionalscreenthismutualreserveerectedbetweenusonlybroughtmemorecompletelyunderherpower：nomatterhowemptytheadytum，sothattheveilbethickenough。Soabsoluteisoursoul’sneedofsomethinghiddenanduncertainforthemaintenanceofthatdoubtandhopeandeffortwhicharethebreathofitslife，thatifthewholefuturewerelaidbaretousbeyondto-day，theinterestofallmankindwouldbebentonthehoursthatliebetween；weshouldpantaftertheuncertaintiesofouronemorningandouroneafternoon；weshouldrushfiercelytotheExchangeforourlastpossibilityofspeculation，ofsuccess，ofdisappointment：
weshouldhaveaglutofpoliticalprophetsforetellingacrisisorano-crisiswithintheonlytwenty-fourhoursleftopentoprophecy。Conceivetheconditionofthehumanmindifallpropositionswhatsoeverwereself-evidentexceptone，whichwastobecomeself-evidentatthecloseofasummer’sday，butinthemeantimemightbethesubjectofquestion，ofhypothesis，ofdebate。Artandphilosophy，literatureandscience，wouldfastenlikebeesonthatonepropositionwhichhadthehoneyofprobabilityinit，andbethemoreeagerbecausetheirenjoymentwouldendwithsunset。Ourimpulses，ourspiritualactivities，nomoreadjustthemselvestotheideaoftheirfuturenullity，thanthebeatingofourheart，ortheirritabilityofourmuscles。
Bertha，theslim，fair-hairedgirl，whosepresentthoughtsandemotionswereanenigmatomeamidstthefatiguingobviousnessoftheothermindsaroundme，wasasabsorbingtomeasasingleunknownto-day——asasinglehypotheticpropositiontoremainproblematictillsunset；andallthecramped，hemmed-inbeliefanddisbelief，trustanddistrust，ofmynature，welledoutinthisonenarrowchannel。
Andshemademebelievethatshelovedme。WithouteverquittinghertoneofBADINAGEandplayfulsuperiority，sheintoxicatedmewiththesensethatIwasnecessarytoher，thatshewasneveratease，unlessIwasnearher，submittingtoherplayfultyranny。Itcostsawomansolittleefforttobesetusinthisway！Ahalf-
repressedword，amoment’sunexpectedsilence，evenaneasyfitofpetulanceonouraccount，willserveusashashishforalongwhile。Outofthesubtlestwebofscarcelyperceptiblesigns，shesetmeweavingthefancythatshehadalwaysunconsciouslylovedmebetterthanAlfred，butthat，withtheignorantflutteredsensibilityofayounggirl，shehadbeenimposedonbythecharmthatlayforherinthedistinctionofbeingadmiredandchosenbyamanwhomadesobrilliantafigureintheworldasmybrother。
Shesatirizedherselfinaverygracefulwayforhervanityandambition。WhatwasittomethatIhadthelightofmywretchedprovisiononthefactthatnowitwasIwhopossessedatleastallbutthepersonalpartofmybrother’sadvantages？Oursweetillusionsarehalfofthemconsciousillusions，likeeffectsofcolourthatweknowtobemadeupoftinsel，brokenglass，andrags。
WeweremarriedeighteenmonthsafterAlfred’sdeath，onecold，clearmorninginApril，whentherecamehailandsunshinebothtogether；andBertha，inherwhitesilkandpale-greenleaves，andthepalehuesofherhairandface，lookedlikethespiritofthemorning。Myfatherwashappierthanhehadthoughtofbeingagain：
mymarriage，hefeltsure，wouldcompletethedesirablemodificationofmycharacter，andmakemepracticalandworldlyenoughtotakemyplaceinsocietyamongsanemen。ForhedelightedinBertha’stactandacuteness，andfeltsureshewouldbemistressofme，andmakemewhatshechose：Iwasonlytwenty-
one，andmadlyinlovewithher。Poorfather！Hekeptthathopealittlewhileafterourfirstyearofmarriage，anditwasnotquiteextinctwhenparalysiscameandsavedhimfromutterdisappointment。
Ishallhurrythroughtherestofmystory，notdwellingsomuchasIhavehithertodoneonmyinwardexperience。Whenpeoplearewellknowntoeachother，theytalkratherofwhatbefallsthemexternally，leavingtheirfeelingsandsentimentstobeinferred。
Welivedinaroundofvisitsforsometimeafterourreturnhome，givingsplendiddinner-parties，andmakingasensationinourneighbourhoodbythenewlustreofourequipage，formyfatherhadreservedthisdisplayofhisincreasedwealthfortheperiodofhisson’smarriage；andwegaveouracquaintancesliberalopportunityforremarkingthatitwasapityImadesopoorafigureasanheirandabridegroom。Thenervousfatigueofthisexistence，theinsinceritiesandplatitudeswhichIhadtolivethroughtwiceover——throughmyinnerandoutwardsense——wouldhavebeenmaddeningtome，ifIhadnothadthatsortofintoxicatedcallousnesswhichcamefromthedelightsofafirstpassion。Abrideandbridegroom，surroundedbyalltheappliancesofwealth，hurriedthroughthedaybythewhirlofsociety，fillingtheirsolitarymomentswithhastily-snatchedcaresses，arepreparedfortheirfuturelifetogetherasthenoviceispreparedforthecloister——byexperiencingitsutmostcontrast。
Throughallthesecrowdedexcitedmonths，Bertha’sinwardselfremainedshroudedfromme，andIstillreadherthoughtsonlythroughthelanguageofherlipsanddemeanour：IhadstillthehumaninterestofwonderingwhetherwhatIdidandsaidpleasedher，oflongingtohearawordofaffection，ofgivingadeliciousexaggerationofmeaningtohersmile。ButIwasconsciousofagrowingdifferenceinhermannertowardsme；sometimesstrongenoughtobecalledhaughtycoldness，cuttingandchillingmeasthehailhaddonethatcameacrossthesunshineonourmarriagemorning；sometimesonlyperceptibleinthedexterousavoidanceofatete-a-tetewalkordinnertowhichIhadbeenlookingforward。I
hadbeendeeplypainedbythis——hadevenfeltasortofcrushingoftheheart，fromthesensethatmybriefdayofhappinesswasnearitssetting；butstillIremaineddependentonBertha，eagerforthelastraysofablissthatwouldsoonbegoneforever，hopingandwatchingforsomeafter-glowmorebeautifulfromtheimpendingnight。
Iremember——howshouldInotremember？——thetimewhenthatdependenceandhopeutterlyleftme，whenthesadnessIhadfeltinBertha’sgrowingestrangementbecameajoythatIlookedbackuponwithlongingasamanmightlookbackonthelastpainsinaparalysedlimb。Itwasjustafterthecloseofmyfather’slastillness，whichhadnecessarilywithdrawnusfromsocietyandthrownusmoreoneachother。Itwastheeveningoffather’sdeath。OnthateveningtheveilwhichhadshroudedBertha’ssoulfromme——hadmademefindinheraloneamongmyfellow-beingstheblessedpossibilityofmystery，anddoubt，andexpectation——wasfirstwithdrawn。Perhapsitwasthefirstdaysincethebeginningofmypassionforher，inwhichthatpassionwascompletelyneutralizedbythepresenceofanabsorbingfeelingofanotherkind。Ihadbeenwatchingbymyfather’sdeathbed：Ihadbeenwitnessingthelastfitfulyearningglancehissoulhadcastbackonthespentinheritanceoflife——thelastfaintconsciousnessoflovehehadgatheredfromthepressureofmyhand。Whatareallourpersonalloveswhenwehavebeensharinginthatsupremeagony？Inthefirstmomentswhenwecomeawayfromthepresenceofdeath，everyotherrelationtothelivingismerged，toourfeeling，inthegreatrelationofacommonnatureandacommondestiny。
InthatstateofmindIjoinedBerthainherprivatesitting-room。
Shewasseatedinaleaningpostureonasettee，withherbacktowardsthedoor；thegreatrichcoilsofherpaleblondhairsurmountinghersmallneck，visibleabovethebackofthesettee。
Iremember，asIclosedthedoorbehindme，acoldtremulousnessseizingme，andavaguesenseofbeinghatedandlonely——vagueandstrong，likeapresentiment。IknowhowIlookedatthatmoment，forIsawmyselfinBertha’sthoughtassheliftedhercuttinggreyeyes，andlookedatme：amiserableghost-seer，surroundedbyphantomsinthenoonday，tremblingunderabreezewhentheleaveswerestill，withoutappetiteforthecommonobjectsofhumandesires，butpiningafterthemoon-beams。Wewerefronttofrontwitheachother，andjudgedeachother。Theterriblemomentofcompleteilluminationhadcometome，andIsawthatthedarknesshadhiddennolandscapefromme，butonlyablankprosaicwall：
fromthateveningforth，throughthesickeningyearswhichfollowed，Isawallroundthenarrowroomofthiswoman’ssoul——sawpettyartificeandmerenegationwhereIhaddelightedtobelieveincoysensibilitiesandinwitatwarwithlatentfeeling——sawthelightfloatingvanitiesofthegirldefiningthemselvesintothesystematiccoquetry，theschemingselfishness，ofthewoman——sawrepulsionandantipathyhardenintocruelhatred，givingpainonlyforthesakeofwreakingitself。
ForBerthatoo，afterherkind，feltthebitternessofdisillusion。
Shehadbelievedthatmywildpoet’spassionforherwouldmakemeherslave；andthat，beingherslave，Ishouldexecuteherwillinallthings。Withtheessentialshallownessofanegative，unimaginativenature，shewasunabletoconceivethefactthatsensibilitieswereanythingelsethanweaknesses。Shehadthoughtmyweaknesseswouldputmeinherpower，andshefoundthemunmanageableforces。Ourpositionswerereversed。Beforemarriageshehadcompletelymasteredmyimagination，forshewasasecrettome；andIcreatedtheunknownthoughtbeforewhichItrembledasifitwerehers。Butnowthathersoulwaslaidopentome，nowthatIwascompelledtosharetheprivacyofhermotives，tofollowallthepettydevicesthatprecededherwordsandacts，shefoundherselfpowerlesswithme，excepttoproduceinmethechillshudderofrepulsion——powerless，becauseIcouldbeactedonbynoleverwithinherreach。Iwasdeadtoworldlyambitions，tosocialvanities，toalltheincentiveswithinthecompassofhernarrowimagination，andIlivedunderinfluencesutterlyinvisibletoher。
Shewasreallypitiabletohavesuchahusband，andsoalltheworldthought。Agraceful，brilliantwoman，likeBertha，whosmiledonmorningcallers，madeafigureinball-rooms，andwascapableofthatlightreparteewhich，fromsuchawoman，isacceptedaswit，wassecureofcarryingoffallsympathyfromahusbandwhowassickly，abstracted，and，assomesuspected，crack-
brained。Eventheservantsinourhousegaveherthebalanceoftheirregardandpity。Fortherewerenoaudiblequarrelsbetweenus；ouralienation，ourrepulsionfromeachother，laywithinthesilenceofourownhearts；andifthemistresswentoutagreatdeal，andseemedtodislikethemaster’ssociety，wasitnotnatural，poorthing？Themasterwasodd。Iwaskindandjusttomydependants，butIexcitedinthemashrinking，half-contemptuouspity；forthisclassofmenandwomenarebutslightlydeterminedintheirestimateofothersbygeneralconsiderations，orevenexperience，ofcharacter。Theyjudgeofpersonsastheyjudgeofcoins，andvaluethosewhopasscurrentatahighrate。
AfteratimeIinterferedsolittlewithBertha’shabitsthatitmightseemwonderfulhowherhatredtowardsmecouldgrowsointenseandactiveasitdid。Butshehadbeguntosuspect，bysomeinvoluntarybetrayalofmine，thattherewasanabnormalpowerofpenetrationinme——thatfitfully，atleast，Iwasstrangelycognizantofherthoughtsandintentions，andshebegantobehauntedbyaterrorofme，whichalternatedeverynowandthenwithdefiance。Shemeditatedcontinuallyhowtheincubuscouldbeshakenoffherlife——howshecouldbefreedfromthishatefulbondtoabeingwhomsheatoncedespisedasanimbecile，anddreadedasaninquisitor。Foralongwhileshelivedinthehopethatmyevidentwretchednesswoulddrivemetothecommissionofsuicide；