Iwascompletelyfooledbythis，andfortwodaysshutmyselfupinmyownroomwheneverBerthawasabsent，thatImightintoxicatemyselfafreshwiththethoughtofthissceneandallitimplied。
Ishouldmentionthatduringthesetwomonths——whichseemedalonglifetomefromthenoveltyandintensityofthepleasuresandpainsIunderwent——mydiseasedanticipationinotherpeople’sconsciousnesscontinuedtotormentme；nowitwasmyfather，andnowmybrother，nowMrs。Filmoreorherhusband，andnowourGermancourier，whosestreamofthoughtrusheduponmelikearingingintheearsnottobegotridof，thoughitallowedmyownimpulsesandideastocontinuetheiruninterruptedcourse。Itwaslikeapreternaturallyheightenedsenseofhearing，makingaudibletoonearoarofsoundwhereothersfindperfectstillness。ThewearinessanddisgustofthisinvoluntaryintrusionintoothersoulswascounteractedonlybymyignoranceofBertha，andmygrowingpassionforher；apassionenormouslystimulated，ifnotproduced，bythatignorance。Shewasmyoasisofmysteryinthedrearydesertofknowledge。Ihadneverallowedmydiseasedconditiontobetrayitself，ortodrivemeintoanyunusualspeechoraction，exceptonce，when，inamomentofpeculiarbitternessagainstmybrother，IhadforestalledsomewordswhichIknewhewasgoingtoutter——acleverobservation，whichhehadpreparedbeforehand。Hehadoccasionallyaslightlyaffectedhesitationinhisspeech，andwhenhepausedaninstantafterthesecondword，myimpatienceandjealousyimpelledmetocontinuethespeechforhim，asifitweresomethingwehadbothlearnedbyrote。Hecolouredandlookedastonished，aswellasannoyed；andthewordshadnosoonerescapedmylipsthanIfeltashockofalarmlestsuchananticipationofwords——veryfarfrombeingwordsofcourse，easytodivine——shouldhavebetrayedmeasanexceptionalbeing，asortofquietenergumen，whomeveryone，Berthaaboveall，wouldshudderatandavoid。ButImagnified，asusual，theimpressionanywordordeedofminecouldproduceonothers；fornoonegaveanysignofhavingnoticedmyinterruptionasmorethanarudeness，tobeforgivenmeonthescoreofmyfeeblenervouscondition。
Whilethissuperaddedconsciousnessoftheactualwasalmostconstantwithme，IhadneverhadarecurrenceofthatdistinctprevisionwhichIhavedescribedinrelationtomyfirstinterviewwithBertha；andIwaswaitingwitheagercuriositytoknowwhetherornotmyvisionofPraguewouldprovetohavebeenaninstanceofthesamekind。Afewdaysaftertheincidentoftheopalring，wewerepayingoneofourfrequentvisitstotheLichtenbergPalace。
Icouldneverlookatmanypicturesinsuccession；forpictures，whentheyareatallpowerful，affectmesostronglythatoneortwoexhaustallmycapabilityofcontemplation。ThismorningIhadbeenlookingatGiorgione’spictureofthecruel-eyedwoman，saidtobealikenessofLucreziaBorgia。Ihadstoodlongalonebeforeit，fascinatedbytheterriblerealityofthatcunning，relentlessface，tillIfeltastrangepoisonedsensation，asifIhadlongbeeninhalingafatalodour，andwasjustbeginningtobeconsciousofitseffects。PerhapseventhenIshouldnothavemovedaway，iftherestofthepartyhadnotreturnedtothisroom，andannouncedthattheyweregoingtotheBelvedereGallerytosettleabetwhichhadarisenbetweenmybrotherandMr。Filmoreaboutaportrait。I
followedthemdreamily，andwashardlyalivetowhatoccurredtilltheyhadallgoneuptothegallery，leavingmebelow；forI
refusedtocomewithinsightofanotherpicturethatday。ImademywaytotheGrandTerrace，sinceitwasagreedthatweshouldsaunterinthegardenswhenthedisputehadbeendecided。Ihadbeensittinghereashortspace，vaguelyconsciousoftrimgardens，withacityandgreenhillsinthedistance，when，wishingtoavoidtheproximityofthesentinel，Iroseandwalkeddownthebroadstonesteps，intendingtoseatmyselffartheroninthegardens。
JustasIreachedthegravel-walk，Ifeltanarmslippedwithinmine，andalighthandgentlypressingmywrist。Inthesameinstantastrangeintoxicatingnumbnesspassedoverme，likethecontinuanceorclimaxofthesensationIwasstillfeelingfromthegazeofLucreziaBorgia。Thegardens，thesummersky，theconsciousnessofBertha’sarmbeingwithinmine，allvanished，andIseemedtobesuddenlyindarkness，outofwhichtheregraduallybrokeadimfirelight，andIfeltmyselfsittinginmyfather’sleatherchairinthelibraryathome。Iknewthefireplace——thedogsforthewood-fire——theblackmarblechimney-piecewiththewhitemarblemedallionofthedyingCleopatrainthecentre。
Intenseandhopelessmiserywaspressingonmysoul；thelightbecamestronger，forBerthawasenteringwithacandleinherhand——
Bertha，mywife——withcrueleyes，withgreenjewelsandgreenleavesonherwhiteball-dress；everyhatefulthoughtwithinherpresenttome……\"Madman，idiot！whydon’tyoukillyourself，then？\"Itwasamomentofhell。Isawintoherpitilesssoul——sawitsbarrenworldliness，itsscorchinghate——andfeltitclothemeroundlikeanairIwasobligedtobreathe。Shecamewithhercandleandstoodovermewithabittersmileofcontempt；Isawthegreatemeraldbroochonherbosom，astuddedserpentwithdiamondeyes。Ishuddered——Idespisedthiswomanwiththebarrensoulandmeanthoughts；butIfelthelplessbeforeher，asifsheclutchedmybleedingheart，andwouldclutchittillthelastdropoflife-
bloodebbedaway。Shewasmywife，andwehatedeachother。
Graduallythehearth，thedimlibrary，thecandle-lightdisappeared——seemedtomeltawayintoabackgroundoflight，thegreenserpentwiththediamondeyesremainingadarkimageontheretina。ThenIhadasenseofmyeyelidsquivering，andthelivingdaylightbrokeinuponme；Isawgardens，andheardvoices；IwasseatedonthestepsoftheBelvedereTerrace，andmyfriendswereroundme。
ThetumultofmindintowhichIwasthrownbythishideousvisionmademeillforseveraldays，andprolongedourstayatVienna。I
shudderedwithhorrorasthescenerecurredtome；anditrecurredconstantly，withallitsminutiae，asiftheyhadbeenburntintomymemory；andyet，suchisthemadnessofthehumanheartundertheinfluenceofitsimmediatedesires，Ifeltawildhell-bravingjoythatBerthawastobemine；forthefulfilmentofmyformerprevisionconcerningherfirstappearancebeforeme，leftmelittlehopethatthislasthideousglimpseofthefuturewasthemerediseasedplayofmyownmind，andhadnorelationtoexternalrealities。OnethingaloneIlookedtowardsasapossiblemeansofcastingdoubtonmyterribleconviction——thediscoverythatmyvisionofPraguehadbeenfalse——andPraguewasthenextcityonourroute。
Meanwhile，IwasnosoonerinBertha’ssocietyagainthanIwasascompletelyunderherswayasbefore。WhatifIsawintotheheartofBertha，thematuredwoman——Bertha，mywife？Bertha，theGIRL，wasafascinatingsecrettomestill：Itrembledunderhertouch；
Ifeltthewitcheryofherpresence；Iyearnedtobeassuredofherlove。Thefearofpoisonisfeebleagainstthesenseofthirst。
Nay，Iwasjustasjealousofmybrotherasbefore——justasmuchirritatedbyhissmallpatronizingways；formypride，mydiseasedsensibility，werethereastheyhadalwaysbeen，andwincedasinevitablyundereveryoffenceasmyeyewincedfromanintrudingmote。Thefuture，evenwhenbroughtwithinthecompassoffeelingbyavisionthatmademeshudder，hadstillnomorethantheforceofanidea，comparedwiththeforceofpresentemotion——ofmyloveforBertha，ofmydislikeandjealousytowardsmybrother。
Itisanoldstory，thatmensellthemselvestothetempter，andsignabondwiththeirblood，becauseitisonlytotakeeffectatadistantday；thenrushontosnatchthecuptheirsoulsthirstafterwithanimpulsenotthelesssavagebecausethereisadarkshadowbesidethemforevermore。Thereisnoshortcut，nopatenttram-road，towisdom：afterallthecenturiesofinvention，thesoul’spathliesthroughthethornywildernesswhichmustbestilltroddeninsolitude，withbleedingfeet，withsobsforhelp，asitwastroddenbythemofoldtime。
MymindspeculatedeagerlyonthemeansbywhichIshouldbecomemybrother’ssuccessfulrival，forIwasstilltootimid，inmyignoranceofBertha’sactualfeeling，toventureonanystepthatwouldurgefromheranavowalofit。IthoughtIshouldgainconfidenceevenforthis，ifmyvisionofPragueprovedtohavebeenveracious；andyet，thehorrorofthatcertitude！BehindtheslimgirlBertha，whosewordsandlooksIwatchedfor，whosetouchwasbliss，therestoodcontinuallythatBerthawiththefullerform，thehardereyes，themorerigidmouth——withthebarren，selfishsoullaidbare；nolongerafascinatingsecret，butameasuredfact，urgingitselfperpetuallyonmyunwillingsight。
Areyouunabletogivemeyoursympathy——youwhoreactthis？Areyouunabletoimaginethisdoubleconsciousnessatworkwithinme，flowingonliketwoparallelstreamswhichnevermingletheirwatersandblendintoacommonhue？Yetyoumusthaveknownsomethingofthepresentimentsthatspringfromaninsightatwarwithpassion；andmyvisionswereonlylikepresentimentsintensifiedtohorror。Youhaveknownthepowerlessnessofideasbeforethemightofimpulse；andmyvisions，whenoncetheyhadpassedintomemory，weremereideas——paleshadowsthatbeckonedinvain，whilemyhandwasgraspedbythelivingandtheloved。
Inafter-daysIthoughtwithbitterregretthatifIhadforeseensomethingmoreorsomethingdifferent——ifinsteadofthathideousvisionwhichpoisonedthepassionitcouldnotdestroy，orifevenalongwithitIcouldhavehadaforeshadowingofthatmomentwhenIlookedonmybrother’sfaceforthelasttime，somesofteninginfluencewouldhavebeenshedovermyfeelingtowardshim：prideandhatredwouldsurelyhavebeensubduedintopity，andtherecordofthosehiddensinswouldhavebeenshortened。Butthisisoneofthevainthoughtswithwhichwemenflatterourselves。Wetrytobelievethattheegoismwithinuswouldhaveeasilybeenmelted，andthatitwasonlythenarrownessofourknowledgewhichhemmedinourgenerosity，ourawe，ourhumanpiety，andhinderedthemfromsubmergingourhardindifferencetothesensationsandemotionsofourfellows。Ourtendernessandself-renunciationseemstrongwhenouregoismhashaditsday——when，afterourmeanstrivingforatriumphthatistobeanother’sloss，thetriumphcomessuddenly，andweshudderatit，becauseitisheldoutbythechillhandofdeath。
OurarrivalinPraguehappenedatnight，andIwasgladofthis，foritseemedlikeadeferringofaterriblydecisivemoment，tobeinthecityforhourswithoutseeingit。AswewerenottoremainlonginPrague，buttogoonspeedilytoDresden，itwasproposedthatweshoulddriveoutthenextmorningandtakeageneralviewoftheplace，aswellasvisitsomeofitsspeciallyinterestingspots，beforetheheatbecameoppressive——forwewereinAugust，andtheseasonwashotanddry。Butithappenedthattheladieswereratherlateattheirmorningtoilet，andtomyfather’spolitely-repressedbutperceptibleannoyance，wewerenotinthecarriagetillthemorningwasfaradvanced。Ithoughtwithasenseofrelief，asweenteredtheJews’quarter，whereweweretovisittheoldsynagogue，thatweshouldbekeptinthisflat，shut-uppartofthecity，untilweshouldallbetootiredandtoowarmtogofarther，andsoweshouldreturnwithoutseeingmorethanthestreetsthroughwhichwehadalreadypassed。Thatwouldgivemeanotherday’ssuspense——suspense，theonlyforminwhichafearfulspiritknowsthesolaceofhope。But，asIstoodundertheblackened，groinedarchesofthatoldsynagogue，madedimlyvisiblebytheseventhincandlesinthesacredlamp，whileourJewishciceronereacheddowntheBookoftheLaw，andreadtousinitsancienttongue——Ifeltashudderingimpressionthatthisstrangebuilding，withitsshrunkenlights，thissurvivingwitheredremnantofmedievalJudaism，wasofapiecewithmyvision。ThosedarkeneddustyChristiansaints，withtheirloftierarchesandtheirlargercandles，neededtheconsolatoryscornwithwhichtheymightpointtoamoreshrivelleddeath-in-lifethantheirown。
AsIexpected，whenwelefttheJews’quartertheeldersofourpartywishedtoreturntothehotel。Butnow，insteadofrejoicinginthis，asIhaddonebeforehand，Ifeltasuddenoverpoweringimpulsetogoonatoncetothebridge，andputanendtothesuspenseIhadbeenwishingtoprotract。Ideclared，withunusualdecision，thatIwouldgetoutofthecarriageandwalkonalone；
theymightreturnwithoutme。Myfather，thinkingthismerelyasampleofmyusual\"poeticnonsense，\"objectedthatIshouldonlydomyselfharmbywalkingintheheat；butwhenIpersisted，hesaidangrilythatImightfollowmyownabsurddevices，butthatSchmidt（ourcourier）mustgowithme。Iassentedtothis，andsetoffwithSchmidttowardsthebridge。Ihadnosoonerpassedfromunderthearchwayofthegrandoldgateleadingantothebridge，thanatremblingseizedme，andIturnedcoldunderthemid-daysun；yetIwenton；Iwasinsearchofsomething——asmalldetailwhichIrememberedwithspecialintensityaspartofmyvision。
Thereitwas——thepatchofrainbowlightonthepavementtransmittedthroughalampintheshapeofastar。
CHAPTERII
Beforetheautumnwasatanend，andwhilethebrownleavesstillstoodthickonthebeechesinourpark，mybrotherandBerthawereengagedtoeachother，anditwasunderstoodthattheirmarriagewastotakeplaceearlyinthenextspring。InspiteofthecertaintyIhadfeltfromthatmomentonthebridgeatPrague，thatBerthawouldonedaybemywife，myconstitutionaltimidityanddistrusthadcontinuedtobenumbme，andthewordsinwhichIhadsometimespremeditatedaconfessionofmylove，haddiedawayunuttered。Thesameconflicthadgoneonwithinmeasbefore——thelongingforanassuranceoflovefromBertha’slips，thedreadlestawordofcontemptanddenialshouldfalluponmelikeacorrosiveacid。Whatwastheconvictionofadistantnecessitytome？ltrembledunderapresentglance，Ihungeredafterapresentjoy，I
wascloggedandchilledbyapresentfear。Andsothedayspassedon：IwitnessedBertha’sengagementandheardhermarriagediscussedasifIwereunderaconsciousnightmare——knowingitwasadreamthatwouldvanish，butfeelingstifledunderthegraspofhard-clutchingfingers。
WhenIwasnotinBertha’spresence——andIwaswithherveryoften，forshecontinuedtotreatmewithaplayfulpatronagethatwakenednojealousyinmybrother——Ispentmytimechieflyinwandering，instrolling，ortakinglongrideswhilethedaylightlasted，andthenshuttingmyselfupwithmyunreadbooks；forbookshadlostthepowerofchainingmyattention。Myself-consciousnesswasheightenedtothatpitchofintensityinwhichourownemotionstaketheformofadramawhichurgesitselfimperativelyonourcontemplation，andwebegintoweep，lessunderthesenseofoursufferingthanatthethoughtofit。Ifeltasortofpityinganguishoverthepathosofmyownlot：thelotofabeingfinelyorganizedforpain，butwithhardlyanyfibresthatrespondedtopleasure——towhomtheideaoffutureevilrobbedthepresentofitsjoy，andforwhomtheideaoffuturegooddidnotstilltheuneasinessofapresentyearningorapresentdread。Iwentdumblythroughthatstageofthepoet’ssuffering，inwhichhefeelsthedeliciouspangofutterance，andmakesanimageofhissorrows。
Iwasleftentirelywithoutremonstranceconcerningthisdreamywaywardlife：Iknewmyfather’sthoughtaboutme：\"Thatladwillneverbegoodforanythinginlife：hemaywastehisyearsinaninsignificantwayontheincomethatfallstohim：Ishallnottroublemyselfaboutacareerforhim。\"
OnemildmorninginthebeginningofNovember，ithappenedthatI
wasstandingoutsidetheporticopattinglazyoldCaesar，aNewfoundlandalmostblindwithage，theonlydogthatevertookanynoticeofme——fortheverydogsshunnedme，andfawnedonthehappierpeopleaboutme——whenthegroombroughtupmybrother’shorsewhichwastocarryhimtothehunt，andmybrotherhimselfappearedatthedoor，florid，broad-chested，andself-complacent，feelingwhatagood-naturedfellowhewasnottobehaveinsolentlytousallonthestrengthofhisgreatadvantages。
\"Latimer，oldboy，\"hesaidtomeinatoneofcompassionatecordiality，\"whatapityitisyoudon’thavearunwiththehoundsnowandthen！Thefinestthingintheworldforlowspirits！\"
\"Lowspirits！\"Ithoughtbitterly，asherodeaway；\"thatisthesortofphrasewithwhichcoarse，narrownatureslikeyoursthinktodescribeexperienceofwhichyoucanknownomorethanyourhorseknows。Itistosuchasyouthatthegoodofthisworldfalls：readydulness，healthyselfishness，good-temperedconceit——
thesearethekeystohappiness。\"
Thequickthoughtcame，thatmyselfishnesswasevenstrongerthanhis——itwasonlyasufferingselfishnessinsteadofanenjoyingone。Butthen，again，myexasperatinginsightintoAlfred’sself-
complacentsoul，hisfreedomfromallthedoubtsandfears，theunsatisfiedyearnings，theexquisitetorturesofsensitiveness，thathadmadethewebofmylife，seemedtoabsolvemefromallbondstowardshim。Thismanneedednopity，nolove；thosefineinfluenceswouldhavebeenaslittlefeltbyhimasthedelicatewhitemistisfeltbytherockitcaresses。TherewasnoevilinstoreforHIM：ifhewasnottomarryBertha，itwouldbebecausehehadfoundalotpleasantertohimself。
Mr。Filmore’shouselaynotmorethanhalfamilebeyondourowngates，andwheneverIknewmybrotherwasgoneinanotherdirection，IwentthereforthechanceoffindingBerthaathome。
LateroninthedayIwalkedthither。Byarareaccidentshewasalone，andwewalkedoutinthegroundstogether，forsheseldomwentonfootbeyondthetrimly-sweptgravel-walks。IrememberwhatabeautifulsylphshelookedtomeasthelowNovembersunshoneonherblondhair，andshetrippedalongteasingmewithherusuallightbanter，towhichIlistenedhalffondly，halfmoodily；itwasallthesignBertha’smysteriousinnerselfevermadetome。To-
dayperhaps，themoodinesspredominated，forIhadnotyetshakenofftheaccessofjealoushatewhichmybrotherhadraisedinmebyhispartingpatronage。SuddenlyIinterruptedandstartledherbysaying，almostfiercely，\"Bertha，howcanyouloveAlfred？\"