Whenmymindhaddweltforsometimeonthisblissfulidea，itseemedtomethatImightperhapstestitbyanexertionofmywill。ThevisionhadbegunwhenmyfatherwasspeakingofourgoingtoPrague。Ididnotforamomentbelieveitwasreallyarepresentationofthatcity；Ibelieved——Ihopeditwasapicturethatmynewlyliberatedgeniushadpaintedinfieryhaste，withthecolourssnatchedfromlazymemory。SupposeIweretofixmymindonsomeotherplace——Venice，forexample，whichwasfarmorefamiliartomyimaginationthanPrague：perhapsthesamesortofresultwouldfollow。IconcentratedmythoughtsonVenice；I
stimulatedmyimaginationwithpoeticmemories，andstrovetofeelmyselfpresentinVenice，asIhadfeltmyselfpresentinPrague。
Butinvain。IwasonlycolouringtheCanalettoengravingsthathunginmyoldbedroomathome；thepicturewasashiftingone，mymindwanderinguncertainlyinsearchofmorevividimages；Icouldseenoaccidentofformorshadowwithoutconsciouslabourafterthenecessaryconditions。Itwasallprosaiceffort，notraptpassivity，suchasIhadexperiencedhalfanhourbefore。Iwasdiscouraged；butIrememberedthatinspirationwasfitful。
ForseveraldaysIwasinastateofexcitedexpectation，watchingforarecurrenceofmynewgift。Isentmythoughtsrangingovermyworldofknowledge，inthehopethattheywouldfindsomeobjectwhichwouldsendareawakeningvibrationthroughmyslumberinggenius。Butno；myworldremainedasdimasever，andthatflashofstrangelightrefusedtocomeagain，thoughIwatchedforitwithpalpitatingeagerness。
Myfatheraccompaniedmeeverydayinadrive，andagraduallylengtheningwalkasmypowersofwalkingincreased；andoneeveninghehadagreedtocomeandfetchmeattwelvethenextday，thatwemightgotogethertoselectamusicalbox，andotherpurchasesrigorouslydemandedofarichEnglishmanvisitingGeneva。Hewasoneofthemostpunctualofmenandbankers，andIwasalwaysnervouslyanxioustobequitereadyforhimattheappointedtime。
But，tomysurprise，ataquarterpasttwelvehehadnotappeared。
Ifeltalltheimpatienceofaconvalescentwhohasnothingparticulartodo，andwhohasjusttakenatonicintheprospectofimmediateexercisethatwouldcarryoffthestimulus。
Unabletositstillandreservemystrength，Iwalkedupanddowntheroom，lookingoutonthecurrentoftheRhone，justwhereitleavesthedark-bluelake；butthinkingallthewhileofthepossiblecausesthatcoulddetainmyfather。
SuddenlyIwasconsciousthatmyfatherwasintheroom，butnotalone：thereweretwopersonswithhim。Strange！Ihadheardnofootstep，Ihadnotseenthedooropen；butIsawmyfather，andathisrighthandourneighbourMrs。Filmore，whomIrememberedverywell，thoughIhadnotseenherforfiveyears。Shewasacommonplacemiddle-agedwoman，insilkandcashmere；buttheladyontheleftofmyfatherwasnotmorethantwenty，atall，slim，willowyfigure，withluxuriantblondhair，arrangedincunningbraidsandfoldsthatlookedalmosttoomassivefortheslightfigureandthesmall-featured，thin-lippedfacetheycrowned。Butthefacehadnotagirlishexpression：thefeaturesweresharp，thepalegreyeyesatonceacute，restless，andsarcastic。Theywerefixedonmeinhalf-smilingcuriosity，andIfeltapainfulsensationasifasharpwindwerecuttingme。Thepale-greendress，andthegreenleavesthatseemedtoformaborderaboutherpaleblondhair，mademethinkofaWater-Nixie——formymindwasfullofGermanlyrics，andthispale，fatal-eyedwoman，withthegreenweeds，lookedlikeabirthfromsomecoldsedgystream，thedaughterofanagedriver。
\"Well，Latimer，youthoughtmelong，\"myfathersaid……
Butwhilethelastwordwasinmyears，thewholegroupvanished，andtherewasnothingbetweenmeandtheChineseprintedfolding-
screenthatstoodbeforethedoor。Iwascoldandtrembling；I
couldonlytotterforwardandthrowmyselfonthesofa。Thisstrangenewpowerhadmanifesteditselfagain……ButWASitapower？Mightitnotratherbeadisease——asortofintermittentdelirium，concentratingmyenergyofbrainintomomentsofunhealthyactivity，andleavingmysanerhoursallthemorebarren？
Ifeltadizzysenseofunrealityinwhatmyeyerestedon；I
graspedthebellconvulsively，likeonetryingtofreehimselffromnightmare，andrangittwice。Pierrecamewithalookofalarminhisface。
\"Monsieurnesetrouvepasbien？\"hesaidanxiously。
\"I’mtiredofwaiting，Pierre，\"Isaid，asdistinctlyandemphaticallyasIcould，likeamandeterminedtobesoberinspiteofwine；\"I’mafraidsomethinghashappenedtomyfather——he’susuallysopunctual。RuntotheHoteldesBerguesandseeifheisthere。\"
Pierrelefttheroomatonce，withasoothing\"Bien，Monsieur\"；andIfeltthebetterforthissceneofsimple，wakingprose。Seekingtocalmmyselfstillfurther，Iwentintomybedroom，adjoiningthesalon，andopenedacaseofeau-de-Cologne；tookoutabottle；wentthroughtheprocessoftakingoutthecorkveryneatly，andthenrubbedtherevivingspiritovermyhandsandforehead，andundermynostrils，drawinganewdelightfromthescentbecauseIhadprocureditbyslowdetailsoflabour，andbynostrangesuddenmadness。AlreadyIhadbeguntotastesomethingofthehorrorthatbelongstothelotofahumanbeingwhosenatureisnotadjustedtosimplehumanconditions。
Stillenjoyingthescent，Ireturnedtothesalon，butitwasnotunoccupied，asithadbeenbeforeIleftit。InfrontoftheChinesefolding-screentherewasmyfather，withMrs。Filmoreonhisrighthand，andonhisleft——theslim，blond-hairedgirl，withthekeenfaceandthekeeneyesfixedonmeinhalf-smilingcuriosity。
\"Well，Latimer，youthoughtmelong，\"myfathersaid……
Iheardnomore，feltnomore，tillIbecameconsciousthatIwaslyingwithmyheadlowonthesofa，Pierre，andmyfatherbymyside。AssoonasIwasthoroughlyrevived，myfatherlefttheroom，andpresentlyreturned，saying-
\"I’vebeentotelltheladieshowyouare，Latimer。Theywerewaitinginthenextroom。Weshallputoffourshoppingexpeditionto-day。\"
Presentlyhesaid，\"ThatyoungladyisBerthaGrant，Mrs。Filmore’sorphanniece。Filmorehasadoptedher，andsheliveswiththem，soyouwillhaveherforaneighbourwhenwegohome——perhapsforanearrelation；forthereisatendernessbetweenherandAlfred，I
suspect，andIshouldbegratifiedbythematch，sinceFilmoremeanstoprovideforherineverywayasifshewerehisdaughter。
IthadnotoccurredtomethatyouknewnothingaboutherlivingwiththeFilmores。\"
Hemadenofurtherallusiontothefactofmyhavingfaintedatthemomentofseeingher，andIwouldnotfortheworldhavetoldhimthereason：Ishrankfromtheideaofdisclosingtoanyonewhatmightberegardedasapitiablepeculiarity，mostofallfrombetrayingittomyfather，whowouldhavesuspectedmysanityeverafter。
Idonotmeantodwellwithparticularityonthedetailsofmyexperience。Ihavedescribedthesetwocasesatlength，becausetheyhaddefinite，clearlytraceableresultsinmyafter-lot。
Shortlyafterthislastoccurrence——Ithinktheverynextday——I
begantobeawareofaphaseinmyabnormalsensibility，towhich，fromthelanguidandslightnatureofmyintercoursewithotherssincemyillness，Ihadnotbeenalivebefore。Thiswastheobtrusiononmymindofthementalprocessgoingforwardinfirstoneperson，andthenanother，withwhomIhappenedtobeincontact：thevagrant，frivolousideasandemotionsofsomeuninterestingacquaintance——Mrs。Filmore，forexample——wouldforcethemselvesonmyconsciousnesslikeanimportunate，ill-playedmusicalinstrument，ortheloudactivityofanimprisonedinsect。
Butthisunpleasantsensibilitywasfitful，andleftmemomentsofrest，whenthesoulsofmycompanionswereoncemoreshutoutfromme，andIfeltareliefsuchassilencebringstoweariednerves。
Imighthavebelievedthisimportunateinsighttobemerelyadiseasedactivityoftheimagination，butthatmyprevisionofincalculablewordsandactionsprovedittohaveafixedrelationtothementalprocessinotherminds。Butthissuperaddedconsciousness，wearyingandannoyingenoughwheniturgedonmethetrivialexperienceofindifferentpeople，becameanintensepainandgriefwhenitseemedtobeopeningtomethesoulsofthosewhowereinacloserelationtome——whentherationaltalk，thegracefulattentions，thewittily-turnedphrases，andthekindlydeeds，whichusedtomaketheweboftheircharacters，wereseenasifthrustasunderbyamicroscopicvision，thatshowedalltheintermediatefrivolities，allthesuppressedegoism，allthestrugglingchaosofpuerilities，meanness，vaguecapriciousmemories，andindolentmake-shiftthoughts，fromwhichhumanwordsanddeedsemergelikeleafletscoveringafermentingheap。
AtBaslewewerejoinedbymybrotherAlfred，nowahandsome，self-
confidentmanofsix-and-twenty——athoroughcontrasttomyfragile，nervous，ineffectualself。IbelieveIwasheldtohaveasortofhalf-womanish，half-ghostlybeauty；fortheportrait-painters，whoarethickasweedsatGeneva，hadoftenaskedmetosittothem，andIhadbeenthemodelofadyingminstrelinafancypicture。
ButIthoroughlydislikedmyownphysiqueandnothingbutthebeliefthatitwasaconditionofpoeticgeniuswouldhavereconciledmetoit。Thatbriefhopewasquitefled，andIsawinmyfacenownothingbutthestampofamorbidorganization，framedforpassivesuffering——toofeebleforthesublimeresistanceofpoeticproduction。Alfred，fromwhomIhadbeenalmostconstantlyseparated，andwho，inhispresentstageofcharacterandappearance，camebeforemeasaperfectstranger，wasbentonbeingextremelyfriendlyandbrother-liketome。Hehadthesuperficialkindnessofagood-humoured，self-satisfiednature，thatfearsnorivalry，andhasencounterednocontrarieties。Iamnotsurethatmydispositionwasgoodenoughformetohavebeenquitefreefromenvytowardshim，evenifourdesireshadnotclashed，andifIhadbeeninthehealthyhumanconditionwhichadmitsofgenerousconfidenceandcharitableconstruction。Theremustalwayshavebeenanantipathybetweenournatures。Asitwas，hebecameinafewweeksanobjectofintensehatredtome；andwhenheenteredtheroom，stillmorewhenhespoke，itwasasifasensationofgratingmetalhadsetmyteethonedge。Mydiseasedconsciousnesswasmoreintenselyandcontinuallyoccupiedwithhisthoughtsandemotions，thanwiththoseofanyotherpersonwhocameinmyway。
Iwasperpetuallyexasperatedwiththepettypromptingsofhisconceitandhisloveofpatronage，withhisself-complacentbeliefinBerthaGrant’spassionforhim，withhishalf-pityingcontemptforme——seennotintheordinaryindicationsofintonationandphraseandslightaction，whichanacuteandsuspiciousmindisonthewatchfor，butinalltheirnakedskinlesscomplication。
Forwewererivals，andourdesiresclashed，thoughhewasnotawareofit。IhavesaidnothingyetoftheeffectBerthaGrantproducedinmeonaneareracquaintance。Thateffectwaschieflydeterminedbythefactthatshemadetheonlyexception，amongallthehumanbeingsaboutme，tomyunhappygiftofinsight。AboutBerthaIwasalwaysinastateofuncertainty：Icouldwatchtheexpressionofherface，andspeculateonitsmeaning；Icouldaskforheropinionwiththerealinterestofignorance；Icouldlistenforherwordsandwatchforhersmilewithhopeandfear：shehadformethefascinationofanunravelleddestiny。Isayitwasthisfactthatchieflydeterminedthestrongeffectsheproducedonme：
for，intheabstract，nowomanlycharactercouldseemtohavelessaffinityforthatofashrinking，romantic，passionateyouththanBertha’s。Shewaskeen，sarcastic，unimaginative，prematurelycynical，remainingcriticalandunmovedinthemostimpressivescenes，inclinedtodissectallmyfavouritepoems，andespeciallycontemptoustowardstheGermanlyricswhichweremypetliteratureatthattime。TothismomentIamunabletodefinemyfeelingtowardsher：itwasnotordinaryboyishadmiration，forshewastheveryopposite，eventothecolourofherhair，oftheidealwomanwhostillremainedtomethetypeofloveliness；andshewaswithoutthatenthusiasmforthegreatandgood，which，evenatthemomentofherstrongestdominionoverme，Ishouldhavedeclaredtobethehighestelementofcharacter。Butthereisnotyrannymorecompletethanthatwhichaself-centrednegativenatureexercisesoveramorbidlysensitivenatureperpetuallycravingsympathyandsupport。Themostindependentpeoplefeeltheeffectofaman’ssilenceinheighteningtheirvalueforhisopinion——feelanadditionaltriumphinconqueringthereverenceofacritichabituallycaptiousandsatirical：nowonder，then，thatanenthusiasticself-distrustingyouthshouldwatchandwaitbeforetheclosedsecretofasarcasticwoman’sface，asifitweretheshrineofthedoubtfullybenignantdeitywhoruledhisdestiny。
Forayoungenthusiastisunabletoimaginethetotalnegationinanothermindoftheemotionswhicharestirringhisown：theymaybefeeble，latent，inactive，hethinks，buttheyarethere——theymaybecalledforth；sometimes，inmomentsofhappyhallucination，hebelievestheymaybethereinallthegreaterstrengthbecauseheseesnooutwardsignofthem。Andthiseffect，asIhaveintimated，washeightenedtoitsutmostintensityinme，becauseBerthawastheonlybeingwhoremainedformeinthemysteriousseclusionofsoulthatrenderssuchyouthfuldelusionpossible。
Doubtlesstherewasanothersortoffascinationatwork——thatsubtlephysicalattractionwhichdelightsincheatingourpsychologicalpredictions，andincompellingthemenwhopaintsylphs，tofallinlovewithsomebonneetbravefemme，heavy-
heeledandfreckled。
Bertha’sbehaviourtowardsmewassuchastoencourageallmyillusions，toheightenmyboyishpassion，andmakememoreandmoredependentonhersmiles。Lookingbackwithmypresentwretchedknowledge，IconcludethathervanityandloveofpowerwereintenselygratifiedbythebeliefthatIhadfaintedonfirstseeingherpurelyfromthestrongimpressionherpersonhadproducedonme。Themostprosaicwomanlikestobelieveherselftheobjectofaviolent，apoeticpassion；andwithoutagrainofromanceinher，Berthahadthatspiritofintriguewhichgavepiquancytotheideathatthebrotherofthemanshemeanttomarrywasdyingwithloveandjealousyforhersake。Thatshemeanttomarrymybrother，waswhatatthattimeIdidnotbelieve；forthoughhewasassiduousinhisattentionstoher，andIknewwellenoughthatbothheandmyfatherhadmadeuptheirmindstothisresult，therewasnotyetanunderstoodengagement——therehadbeennoexplicitdeclaration；andBerthahabitually，whilesheflirtedwithmybrother，andacceptedhishomageinawaythatimpliedtohimathoroughrecognitionofitsintention，mademebelieve，bythesubtlestlooksandphrases——femininenothingswhichcouldneverbequotedagainsther——thathewasreallytheobjectofhersecretridicule；thatshethoughthim，asIdid，acoxcomb，whomshewouldhavepleasureindisappointing。Mesheopenlypettedinmybrother’spresence，asifIweretooyoungandsicklyevertobethoughtofasalover；andthatwastheviewhetookofme。ButI
believeshemustinwardlyhavedelightedinthetremorsintowhichshethrewmebythecoaxingwayinwhichshepattedmycurls，whileshelaughedatmyquotations。Suchcaresseswerealwaysgiveninthepresenceofourfriends；forwhenwewerealonetogether，sheaffectedamuchgreaterdistancetowardsme，andnowandthentooktheopportunity，bywordsorslightactions，tostimulatemyfoolishtimidhopethatshereallypreferredme。Andwhyshouldshenotfollowherinclination？Iwasnotinsoadvantageousapositionasmybrother，butIhadfortune，Iwasnotayearyoungerthanshewas，andshewasanheiress，whowouldsoonbeofagetodecideforherself。
Thefluctuationsofhopeandfear，confinedtothisonechannel，madeeachdayinherpresenceadelicioustorment。Therewasonedeliberateactofherswhichespeciallyhelpedtointoxicateme。
WhenwewereatViennahertwentiethbirthdayoccurred，andasshewasveryfondofornaments，wealltooktheopportunityofthesplendidjewellers’shopsinthatTeutonicParistopurchaseherabirthdaypresentofjewellery。Mine，naturally，wastheleastexpensive；itwasanopalring——theopalwasmyfavouritestone，becauseitseemstoblushandturnpaleasifithadasoul。I
toldBerthasowhenIgaveither，andsaidthatitwasanemblemofthepoeticnature，changingwiththechanginglightofheavenandofwoman’seyes。Intheeveningsheappearedelegantlydressed，andwearingconspicuouslyallthebirthdaypresentsexceptmine。Ilookedeagerlyatherfingers，butsawnoopal。Ihadnoopportunityofnoticingthistoherduringtheevening；butthenextday，whenIfoundherseatednearthewindowalone，afterbreakfast，Isaid，\"Youscorntowearmypooropal。Ishouldhaverememberedthatyoudespisedpoeticnatures，andshouldhavegivenyoucoral，orturquoise，orsomeotheropaqueunresponsivestone。\"
\"DoIdespiseit？\"sheanswered，takingholdofadelicategoldchainwhichshealwaysworeroundherneckanddrawingouttheendfromherbosomwithmyringhangingtoit；\"ithurtsmealittle，I
cantellyou，\"shesaid，withherusualdubioussmile，\"towearitinthatsecretplace；andsinceyourpoeticalnatureissostupidastopreferamorepublicposition，Ishallnotendurethepainanylonger。\"
Shetookofftheringfromthechainandputitonherfinger，smilingstill，whilethebloodrushedtomycheeks，andIcouldnottrustmyselftosayawordofentreatythatshewouldkeeptheringwhereitwasbefore。