butsuicidewasnotinmynature。IwastoocompletelyswayedbythesensethatIwasinthegraspofunknownforces，tobelieveinmypowerofself-release。TowardsmyowndestinyIhadbecomeentirelypassive；formyoneardentdesirehadspentitself，andimpulsenolongerpredominatedoverknowledge。ForthisreasonI
neverthoughtoftakinganystepstowardsacompleteseparation，whichwouldhavemadeouralienationevidenttotheworld。WhyshouldIrushforhelptoanewcourse，whenIwasonlysufferingfromtheconsequencesofadeedwhichhadbeentheactofmyintensestwill？Thatwouldhavebeenthelogicofonewhohaddesirestogratify，andIhadnodesires。ButBerthaandIlivedmoreandmorealooffromeachother。Therichfinditeasytolivemarriedandapart。
ThatcourseofourlifewhichIhaveindicatedinafewsentencesfilledthespaceofyears。Somuchmisery——soslowandhideousagrowthofhatredandsin，maybecompressedintoasentence！Andmenjudgeofeachother’slivesthroughthissummarymedium。Theyepitomizetheexperienceoftheirfellow-mortal，andpronouncejudgmentonhiminneatsyntax，andfeelthemselveswiseandvirtuous——conquerorsoverthetemptationstheydefineinwell-
selectedpredicates。Sevenyearsofwretchednessglidegliblyoverthelipsofthemanwhohasnevercountedthemoutinmomentsofchilldisappointment，ofheadandheartthrobbings，ofdreadandvainwrestling，ofremorseanddespair。WelearnWORDSbyrote，butnottheirmeaning；THATmustbepaidforwithourlife-blood，andprintedinthesubtlefibresofournerves。
ButIwillhastentofinishmystory。Brevityisjustifiedatoncetothosewhoreadilyunderstand，andtothosewhowillneverunderstand。
Someyearsaftermyfather’sdeath，IwassittingbythedimfirelightinmylibraryoneJanuaryevening——sittingintheleatherchairthatusedtobemyfather’s——whenBerthaappearedatthedoor，withacandleinherhand，andadvancedtowardsme。Iknewtheball-dressshehadon——thewhiteball-dress，withthegreenjewels，shoneuponbythelightofthewaxcandlewhichlitupthemedallionofthedyingCleopatraonthemantelpiece。Whydidshecometomebeforegoingout？Ihadnotseenherinthelibrary，whichwasmyhabitualplaceformonths。Whydidshestandbeforemewiththecandleinherhand，withhercruelcontemptuouseyesfixedonme，andtheglitteringserpent，likeafamiliardemon，onherbreast？ForamomentIthoughtthisfulfilmentofmyvisionatViennamarkedsomedreadfulcrisisinmyfate，butIsawnothinginBertha’smind，asshestoodbeforeme，exceptscornforthelookofoverwhelmingmiserywithwhichIsatbeforeher……\"Fool，idiot，whydon’tyoukillyourself，then？\"——thatwasherthought。Butatlengthherthoughtsrevertedtohererrand，andshespokealoud。
Theapparentlyindifferentnatureoftheerrandseemedtomakearidiculousanticlimaxtomyprevisionandmyagitation。
\"Ihavehadtohireanewmaid。Fletcherisgoingtobemarried，andshewantsmetoaskyoutoletherhusbandhavethepublic-
houseandfarmatMolton。Iwishhimtohaveit。Youmustgivethepromisenow，becauseFletcherisgoingto-morrowmorning——andquickly，becauseI’minahurry。\"
\"Verywell；youmaypromiseher，\"Isaid，indifferently，andBerthasweptoutofthelibraryagain。
Ialwaysshrankfromthesightofanewperson，andallthemorewhenitwasapersonwhosementallifewaslikelytowearymyreluctantinsightwithworldlyignoranttrivialities。ButIshrankespeciallyfromthesightofthisnewmaid，becauseheradventhadbeenannouncedtomeatamomenttowhichIcouldnotceasetoattachsomefatality：IhadavaguedreadthatIshouldfindhermixedupwiththedrearydramaofmylife——thatsomenewsickeningvisionwouldrevealhertomeasanevilgenius。WhenatlastI
didunavoidablymeether，thevaguedreadwaschangedintodefinitedisgust。Shewasatall，wiry，dark-eyedwoman，thisMrs。Archer，withafacehandsomeenoughtogivehercoarsehardnaturetheodiousfinishofbold，self-confidentcoquetry。Thatwasenoughtomakemeavoidher，quiteapartfromthecontemptuousfeelingwithwhichshecontemplatedme。Iseldomsawher；butIperceivedthatsherapidlybecameafavouritewithhermistress，and，afterthelapseofeightorninemonths，IbegantobeawarethattherehadariseninBertha’smindtowardsthiswomanamingledfeelingoffearanddependence，andthatthisfeelingwasassociatedwithill-
definedimagesofcandle-lightscenesinherdressing-room，andthelocking-upofsomethinginBertha’scabinet。Myinterviewswithmywifehadbecomesobriefandsorarelysolitary，thatIhadnoopportunityofperceivingtheseimagesinhermindwithmoredefiniteness。Therecollectionsofthepastbecomecontractedintherapidityofthoughttilltheysometimesbearhardlyamoredistinctresemblancetotheexternalrealitythantheformsofanorientalalphabettotheobjectsthatsuggestedthem。
Besides，forthelastyearormoreamodificationhadbeengoingforwardinmymentalcondition，andwasgrowingmoreandmoremarked。Myinsightintothemindsofthosearoundmewasbecomingdimmerandmorefitful，andtheideasthatcrowdedmydoubleconsciousnessbecamelessandlessdependentonanypersonalcontact。Allthatwaspersonalinmeseemedtobesufferingagradualdeath，sothatIwaslosingtheorganthroughwhichthepersonalagitationsandprojectsofotherscouldaffectme。Butalongwiththisrelieffromwearisomeinsight，therewasanewdevelopmentofwhatIconcluded——asIhavesincefoundrightly——tobeaprovisionofexternalscenes。Itwasasiftherelationbetweenmeandmyfellow-menwasmoreandmoredeadened，andmyrelationtowhatwecalltheinanimatewasquickenedintonewlife。
ThemoreIlivedapartfromsociety，andinproportionasmywretchednesssubsidedfromtheviolentthrobofagonizedpassionintothedulnessofhabitualpain，themorefrequentandvividbecamesuchvisionsasthatIhadhadofPrague——ofstrangecities，ofsandyplains，ofgiganticruins，ofmidnightskieswithstrangebrightconstellations，ofmountain-passes，ofgrassynooksfleckedwiththeafternoonsunshinethroughtheboughs：Iwasinthemidstofsuchscenes，andinallofthemonepresenceseemedtoweighonmeinallthesemightyshapes——thepresenceofsomethingunknownandpitiless。Forcontinualsufferinghadannihilatedreligiousfaithwithinme：totheutterlymiserable——theunlovingandtheunloved——thereisnoreligionpossible，noworshipbutaworshipofdevils。Andbeyondallthese，andcontinuallyrecurring，wasthevisionofmydeath——thepangs，thesuffocation，thelaststruggle，whenlifewouldbegraspedatinvain。
Thingswereinthisstateneartheendoftheseventhyear。Ihadbecomeentirelyfreefrominsight，frommyabnormalcognizanceofanyotherconsciousnessthanmyown，andinsteadofintrudinginvoluntarilyintotheworldofotherminds，waslivingcontinuallyinmyownsolitaryfuture。BerthawasawarethatIwasgreatlychanged。Tomysurpriseshehadoflateseemedtoseekopportunitiesofremaininginmysociety，andhadcultivatedthatkindofdistantyetfamiliartalkwhichiscustomarybetweenahusbandandwifewholiveinpoliteandirrevocablealienation。I
borethiswithlanguidsubmission，andwithoutfeelingenoughinterestinhermotivestoberousedintokeenobservation；yetI
couldnothelpperceivingsomethingtriumphantandexcitedinhercarriageandtheexpressionofherface——somethingtoosubtletoexpressitselfinwordsortones，butgivingonetheideathatshelivedinastateofexpectationorhopefulsuspense。Mychieffeelingwassatisfactionthatherinnerselfwasoncemoreshutoutfromme；andIalmostrevelledforthemomentintheabsentmelancholythatmademeanswerheratcrosspurposes，andbetrayutterignoranceofwhatshehadbeensaying。Irememberwellthelookandthesmilewithwhichsheonedaysaid，afteramistakeofthiskindonmypart：\"Iusedtothinkyouwereaclairvoyant，andthatwasthereasonwhyyouweresobitteragainstotherclairvoyants，wantingtokeepyourmonopoly；butIseenowyouhavebecomeratherdullerthantherestoftheworld。\"
Isaidnothinginreply。Itoccurredtomethatherrecentobtrusionofherselfuponmemighthavebeenpromptedbythewishtotestmypowerofdetectingsomeofhersecrets；butIletthethoughtdropagainatonce：hermotivesandherdeedshadnointerestforme，andwhateverpleasuresshemightbeseeking，Ihadnowishtobaulkher。Therewasstillpityinmysoulforeverylivingthing，andBerthawasliving——wassurroundedwithpossibilitiesofmisery。
Justatthistimethereoccurredaneventwhichrousedmesomewhatfrommyinertia，andgavemeaninterestinthepassingmomentthatIhadthoughtimpossibleforme。ItwasavisitfromCharlesMeunier，whohadwrittenmewordthathewascomingtoEnglandforrelaxationfromtoostrenuouslabour，andwouldliketooseeme。
MeunierhadnowaEuropeanreputation；buthislettertomeexpressedthatkeenremembranceofanearlyregard，anearlydebtofsympathy，whichisinseparablefromnobilityofcharacter：andItoofeltasifhispresencewouldbetomelikeatransientresurrectionintoahappierpre-existence。
Hecame，andasfaraspossible，Irenewedouroldpleasureofmakingtete-a-teteexcursions，though，insteadofmountainsandglacersandthewidebluelake，wehadtocontentourselveswithmereslopesandpondsandartificialplantations。Theyearshadchangedusboth，butwithwhatdifferentresult！Meunierwasnowabrilliantfigureinsociety，towhomelegantwomenpretendedtolisten，andwhoseacquaintancewasboastedofbynoblemenambitiousofbrains。HerepressedwiththeutmostdelicacyallbetrayaloftheshockwhichIamsurehemusthavereceivedfromourmeeting，orofadesiretopenetrateintomyconditionandcircumstances，andsoughtbytheutmostexertionofhischarmingsocialpowerstomakeourreunionagreeable。Berthawasmuchstruckbytheunexpectedfascinationsofavisitorwhomshehadexpectedtofindpresentableonlyonthescoreofhiscelebrity，andputforthallhercoquetriesandaccomplishments。Apparentlyshesucceededinattractinghisadmiration，forhismannertowardsherwasattentiveandflattering。Theeffectofhispresenceonmewassobenignant，especiallyinthoserenewalsofouroldtete-a-tetewanderings，whenhepouredforthtomewonderfulnarrativesofhisprofessionalexperience，thatmorethanonce，whenhistalkturnedonthepsychologicalrelationsofdisease，thethoughtcrossedmymindthat，ifhisstaywithmewerelongenough，Imightpossiblybringmyselftotellthismanthesecretsofmylot。Mighttherenotliesomeremedyforme，too，inhisscience？Mighttherenotatleastliesomecomprehensionandsympathyreadyformeinhislargeandsusceptiblemind？Butthethoughtonlyflickeredfeeblynowandthen，anddiedoutbeforeitcouldbecomeawish。ThehorrorIhadofagainbreakinginontheprivacyofanothersoul，mademe，byanirrationalinstinct，drawtheshroudofconcealmentmorecloselyaroundmyown，asweautomaticallyperformthegesturewefeeltobewantinginanother。
WhenMeunier’svisitwasapproachingitsconclusion，therehappenedaneventwhichcausedsomeexcitementinourhousehold，owingtothesurprisinglystrongeffectitappearedtoproduceonBertha——onBertha，theself-possessed，whousuallyseemedinaccessibletofeminineagitations，anddidevenherhateinaself-restrainedhygienicmanner。Thiseventwasthesuddensevereillnessofhermaid，Mrs。Archer。IhavereservedtothismomentthementionofacircumstancewhichhadforceditselfonmynoticeshortlybeforeMeunier’sarrival，namely，thattherehadbeensomequarrelbetweenBerthaandthismaid，apparentlyduringavisittoadistantfamily，inwhichshehadaccompaniedhermistress。IhadoverheardArcherspeakinginatoneofbitterinsolence，whichIshouldhavethoughtanadequatereasonforimmediatedismissal。Nodismissalfollowed；onthecontrary，Berthaseemedtobesilentlyputtingupwithpersonalinconveniencesfromtheexhibitionsofthiswoman’stemper。IwasthemoreastonishedtoobservethatherillnessseemedacauseofstrongsolicitudetoBertha；thatshewasatthebedsidenightandday，andwouldallownooneelsetoofficiateashead-nurse。Ithappenedthatourfamilydoctorwasoutonaholiday，anaccidentwhichmadeMeunier’spresenceinthehousedoublywelcome，andheapparentlyenteredintothecasewithaninterestwhichseemedsomuchstrongerthantheordinaryprofessionalfeeling，thatonedaywhenhehadfallenintoalongfitofsilenceaftervisitingher，Isaidtohim-
\"Isthisaverypeculiarcaseofdisease，Meunier？\"
\"No，\"heanswered，\"itisanattackofperitonitis，whichwillbefatal，butwhichdoesnotdifferphysicallyfrommanyothercasesthathavecomeundermyobservation。ButI’lltellyouwhatIhaveonmymind。Iwanttomakeanexperimentonthiswoman，ifyouwillgivemepermission。Itcandohernoharm——willgivehernopain——forIshallnotmakeituntillifeisextincttoallpurposesofsensation。Iwanttotrytheeffectoftransfusingbloodintoherarteriesafterthehearthasceasedtobeatforsomeminutes。
Ihavetriedtheexperimentagainandagainwithanimalsthathavediedofthisdisease，withastoundingresults，andIwanttotryitonahumansubject。Ihavethesmalltubesnecessary，inacaseI
havewithme，andtherestoftheapparatuscouldbepreparedreadily。Ishouldusemyownblood——takeitfrommyownarm。Thiswomanwon’tlivethroughthenight，I’mconvinced，andIwantyoutopromisemeyourassistanceinmakingtheexperiment。Ican’tdowithoutanotherhand，butitwouldperhapsnotbewelltocallinamedicalassistantfromamongyourprovincialdoctors。A
disagreeablefoolishversionofthethingmightgetabroad。\"
\"Haveyouspokentomywifeonthesubject？\"Isaid，\"becausesheappearstobepeculiarlysensitiveaboutthiswoman：shehasbeenafavouritemaid。\"
\"Totellyouthetruth，\"saidMeunier，\"Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit。Therearealwaysinsuperabledifficultieswithwomeninthesematters，andtheeffectonthesupposeddeadbodymaybestartling。YouandIwillsituptogether，andbeinreadiness。
WhencertainsymptomsappearIshalltakeyouin，andattherightmomentwemustmanagetogeteveryoneelseoutoftheroom。\"
Ineednotgiveourfartherconversationonthesubject。Heenteredveryfullyintothedetails，andovercamemyrepulsionfromthem，byexcitinginmeamingledaweandcuriosityconcerningthepossibleresultsofhisexperiment。
Wepreparedeverything，andheinstructedmeinmypartasassistant。HehadnottoldBerthaofhisabsoluteconvictionthatArcherwouldnotsurvivethroughthenight，andendeavouredtopersuadehertoleavethepatientandtakeanight’srest。Butshewasobstinate，suspectingthefactthatdeathwasathand，andsupposingthathewishedmerelytosavehernerves。Sherefusedtoleavethesick-room。MeunierandIsatuptogetherinthelibrary，hemakingfrequentvisitstothesick-room，andreturningwiththeinformationthatthecasewastakingpreciselythecourseheexpected。Oncehesaidtome，\"Canyouimagineanycauseofill-
feelingthiswomanhasagainsthermistress，whoissodevotedtoher？\"
\"Ithinktherewassomemisunderstandingbetweenthembeforeherillness。Whydoyouask？\"
\"BecauseIhaveobservedforthelastfiveorsixhours——since，I
fancy，shehaslostallhopeofrecovery——thereseemsastrangepromptinginhertosaysomethingwhichpainandfailingstrengthforbidhertoutter；andthereisalookofhideousmeaninginhereyes，whichsheturnscontinuallytowardshermistress。Inthisdiseasethemindoftenremainssingularlycleartothelast。\"
\"Iamnotsurprisedatanindicationofmalevolentfeelinginher，\"
Isaid。\"Sheisawomanwhohasalwaysinspiredmewithdistrustanddislike，butshemanagedtoinsinuateherselfintohermistress’sfavour。\"Hewassilentafterthis，lookingatthefirewithanairofabsorption，tillhewentupstairsagain。Hestayedawaylongerthanusual，andonreturning，saidtomequietly，\"Comenow。\"
Ifollowedhimtothechamberwheredeathwashovering。ThedarkhangingsofthelargebedmadeabackgroundthatgaveastrongrelieftoBertha’spalefaceasIentered。Shestartedforwardasshesawmeenter，andthenlookedatMeunierwithanexpressionofangryinquiry；buthelifteduphishandasittoimposesilence，whilehefixedhisglanceonthedyingwomanandfeltherpulse。
Thefacewaspinchedandghastly，acoldperspirationwasontheforehead，andtheeyelidswereloweredsoastoconcealthelargedarkeyes。Afteraminuteortwo，MeunierwalkedroundtotheothersideofthebedwhereBerthastood，andwithhisusualairofgentlepolitenesstowardsherbeggedhertoleavethepatientunderourcare——everythingshouldbedoneforher——shewasnolongerinastatetobeconsciousofanaffectionatepresence。Berthawashesitating，apparentlyalmostwillingtobelievehisassuranceandtocomply。Shelookedroundattheghastlydyingface，asiftoreadtheconfirmationofthatassurance，whenforamomenttheloweredeyelidswereraisedagain，anditseemedasiftheeyeswerelookingtowardsBertha，butblankly。AshudderpassedthroughBertha’sframe，andshereturnedtoherstationnearthepillow，tacitlyimplyingthatshewouldnotleavetheroom。
Theeyelidswereliftednomore。OnceIlookedatBerthaasshewatchedthefaceofthedyingone。Sheworearichpeignoir，andherblondhairwashalfcoveredbyalacecap：inherattireshewas，asalways，anelegantwoman，fittofigureinapictureofmodernaristocraticlife：butIaskedmyselfhowthatfaceofherscouldeverhaveseemedtomethefaceofawomanbornofwoman，withmemoriesofchildhood，capableofpain，needingtobefondled？
Thefeaturesatthatmomentseemedsopreternaturallysharp，theeyesweresohardandeager——shelookedlikeacruelimmortal，findingherspiritualfeastintheagoniesofadyingrace。Foracrossthosehardfeaturestherecamesomethinglikeaflashwhenthelasthourhadbeenbreathedout，andweallfeltthatthedarkveilhadcompletelyfallen。WhatsecretwastherebetweenBerthaandthiswoman？Iturnedmyeyesfromherwithahorribledreadlestmyinsightshouldreturn，andIshouldbeobligedtoseewhathadbeenbreedingabouttwounlovingwomen’shearts。IfeltthatBerthahadbeenwatchingforthemomentofdeathasthesealingofhersecret：IthankedHeavenitcouldremainsealedforme。
Meuniersaidquietly，\"Sheisgone。\"HethengavehisarmtoBertha，andshesubmittedtobeledoutoftheroom。
Isupposeitwasatherorderthattwofemaleattendantscameintotheroom，anddismissedtheyoungeronewhohadbeenpresentbefore。Whentheyentered，Meunierhadalreadyopenedthearteryinthelongthinneckthatlayrigidonthepillow，andIdismissedthem，orderingthemtoremainatadistancetillwerang：thedoctor，Isaid，hadanoperationtoperform——hewasnotsureaboutthedeath。ForthenexttwentyminutesIforgoteverythingbutMeunierandtheexperimentinwhichhewassoabsorbed，thatI
thinkhissenseswouldhavebeenclosedagainstallsoundsorsightswhichhadnorelationtoit。Itwasmytaskatfirsttokeepuptheartificialrespirationinthebodyafterthetransfusionhadbeeneffected，butpresentlyMeunierrelievedme，andIcouldseethewondrousslowreturnoflife；thebreastbegantoheave，theinspirationsbecamestronger，theeyelidsquivered，andthesoulseemedtohavereturnedbeneaththem。Theartificialrespirationwaswithdrawn：stillthebreathingcontinued，andtherewasamovementofthelips。
JustthenIheardthehandleofthedoormoving：IsupposeBerthahadheardfromthewomenthattheyhadbeendismissed：probablyavaguefearhadariseninhermind，forsheenteredwithalookofalarm。Shecametothefootofthebedandgaveastifledcry。
Thedeadwoman’seyeswerewideopen，andmethersinfullrecognition——therecognitionofhate。Withasuddenstrongeffort，thehandthatBerthahadthoughtforeverstillwaspointedtowardsher，andthehaggardfacemoved。Thegaspingeagervoicesaid——
\"Youmeantopoisonyourhusband……thepoisonisintheblackcabinet……Igotitforyou……youlaughedatme，andtoldliesaboutmebehindmyback，tomakemedisgusting……becauseyouwerejealous……areyousorry……now？\"
Thelipscontinuedtomurmur，butthesoundswerenolongerdistinct。Soontherewasnosound——onlyaslightmovement：theflamehadleapedout，andwasbeingextinguishedthefaster。Thewretchedwoman’sheart-stringshadbeensettohatredandvengeance；thespiritoflifehadsweptthechordsforaninstant，andwasgoneagainforever。GreatGod！Isthiswhatitistoliveagain……towakeupwithourunstilledthirstuponus，withourunutteredcursesrisingtoourlips，withourmusclesreadytoactouttheirhalf-committedsins？
Berthastoodpaleatthefootofthebed，quiveringandhelpless，despairingofdevices，likeacunninganimalwhosehiding-placesaresurroundedbyswift-advancingflame。EvenMeunierlookedparalysed；lifeforthatmomentceasedtobeascientificproblemtohim。Asforme，thissceneseemedofonetexturewiththerestofmyexistence：horrorwasmyfamiliar，andthisnewrevelationwasonlylikeanoldpainrecurringwithnewcircumstances。
***
SincethenBerthaandIhavelivedapart——sheinherownneighbourhood，themistressofhalfourwealth，Iasawandererinforeigncountries，untilIcametothisDevonshirenesttodie。
Berthalivespitiedandadmired；forwhathadIagainstthatcharmingwoman，whomeveryonebutmyselfcouldhavebeenhappywith？TherehadbeennowitnessofthesceneinthedyingroomexceptMeunier，andwhileMeunierlivedhislipsweresealedbyapromisetome。
Onceortwice，wearyofwandering，Irestedinafavouritespot，andmyheartwentouttowardsthemenandwomenandchildrenwhosefaceswerebecomingfamiliartome；butIwasdrivenawayagaininterrorattheapproachofmyoldinsight——drivenawaytolivecontinuallywiththeoneUnknownPresencerevealedandyethiddenbythemovingcurtainoftheearthandsky。Tillatlastdiseasetookholdofmeandforcedmetoresthere——forcedmetoliveindependenceonmyservants。Andthenthecurseofinsight——ofmydoubleconsciousness，cameagain，andhasneverleftme。Iknowalltheirnarrowthoughts，theirfeebleregard，theirhalf-weariedpity。
***
Itisthe20thofSeptember，1850。IknowthesefiguresIhavejustwritten，asiftheywerealongfamiliarinscription。Ihaveseenthemonthispaceinmydeskunnumberedtimes，whenthesceneofmydyingstrugglehasopeneduponme。