第2章
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  \"He’dwriteusdaily,andwe’dseehisfaceOnceeveryyear。\"SuchwashispromisegivenThemornheleft。ButnowtheyearsweresevenSincelasthelookedupontheoldenplace。

  He’dbeenthroughcollege,travelledinalllands,Sailedoverseas,andtrodthedesertsands。

  Wouldwriteandplanavisit,then,erelong,WouldwriteagainfromEgypt,orHongKong—

  Somefancycalledhimthitherunforeseen。

  Soyearshadpassed,tillsevenlaybetweenHisgoingandthecomingofthisnote,WhichIhidinmybosom,andrepliedToAuntRuth’squeries,\"Whatthetruantwrote?\"

  Bysayinghewasstilluponthewing,Andmerelydroppedaline,whilejourneying,Tosayhelived:andshewassatisfied。

  Sometimesithappens,inthisworldsostrange,Ahumanheartwillpassthroughmortalstrife,Andwritheintorture:whiletheoldsweetlife,Sofullofhopeandbeauty,bloomandgrace,IsslowlystrangledbyremorselessPain:

  Andonestern,cold,relentless,takesitsplace—

  Aghastly,pallidspectreoftheslain。

  YetthoseindailyconverseseenochangeNordreamthehearthassuffered。

  SothatdayIpassedalongtowardthetroubledwaySterndutypointed,andnomortalguessedAmightyconflicthaddisturbedmybreast。

  IhadresolvedtoyielduptomyfriendThemanIloved。Sinceshe,too,lovedhimsoIsawnootherwayinhonourleft。

  Shewassoweakandfragile,oncebereftOfthisgreathope,thatheldherwithsuchpower,Shewouldwiltdown,likesomefrost—bittenflower,Andswift,untimelydeathwouldbetheend。

  ButIwasstrong;andhardyplants,whichgrowInout—doorsoil,canbearbleakwindsthatblowFromArcticlands,whereofasinglebreathWouldlaythehot—houseblossomlowindeath。

  Thehourswentby,tooslow,andyettoofast。

  AlldayIarguedwithmyfoolishheartThatbademeplaytheshrinkingcoward’spartAndhidefrompain。AndwhenthedayhadpastAndtimeforVivian’scalldrewnearandnearer,Itpleaded,\"Waituntilthewayseemsclearer;

  Sayyouareill——orbusy;keepawayUntilyougatherstrengthenoughtoplayThepartyouhaveresolvedon。\"

  \"Nay,notso,\"

  Madeanswerclear—eyedReason;\"doyougoAndputyourresolutiontothetest。

  Resolve,howevernoblyformed,atbestIsbutastill—bornbabeofThoughtuntilItprovesexistenceofitslifeandwillBysoundoraction。\"

  SowhenHelencameAndkneltbyme,herfairfaceallaflameWithsuddenblushes,whispering,\"Mysweet!

  Myheartcanhearthemusicofhisfeet,Godownwithmetomeethim,\"Iarose,Andwentwithherallcalmly,asonegoesTolookuponthedearfaceofthedead。

  ThateveIknownotwhatIdidorsaid。

  Iwasnotcold——mymannerwasnotstrange;

  PerchanceItalkedmorefreelythanmywont,Butinmyspeechwasnaughtcouldgiveaffront;

  YetIconveyed,asonlywomancan,ThatnamelessSOMETHINGwhichbespeaksachance。

  ’Tisinthepowerofwoman,ifshebeWhole—souledandnoble,freefromcoquetry—

  Hermotivesallunselfish,worthy,good,TomakeherselfandfeelingsunderstoodBynamelessacts,thussparingwhattoman,Howevergentlyanswered,causespain,Theofferingofhishandandheartinvain。

  Shecanbefriendly,unrestrained,andkindAssumenoairsofprideorarrogance;

  Butinhervoice,hermanner,andherglance,Conveythatmysticsomething,undefined,Whichmenfailnottounderstandandread,And,whennotblindwithegoism,heed。

  Mytaskwasharder——’twastheslowundoingOflongsweetmonthsofunimpededwooing。

  ItwastohideandcoverandconcealThetruth,assumingwhatIdidnotfeel。

  Itwastodamlove’shappysingingtideThatblessedmewithitshopeful,tunefultoneByfeignedindiff’rence,tillitturnedasideAndchangeditschannel,leavingmealoneTowalkparchedplains,andthirstforthatsweetdraughtMylipshadtasted,butanotherquaffed。

  Itcouldbedone,fornowordsyetwerespoken—

  Nonetorecall——nopledgestobebroken。

  \"Hewillbegrieved,thenangry,cold,thencross,\"

  Ireasoned,thinkingwhatwouldbehispartInthisstrangedrama。\"Then,becauseheFeelssomethinglacking,tomakegoodhislossHe’llturntoHelen,andhergentlegraceAndlovingactswillwinhersoontheplaceIholdto—day;andlikeatroubleddreamAtlength,ourpast,whenhelooksback,willseem。\"

  Thateveningpassedwithmusic,chat,andsong,ButhoursthatoncehadflownonairywingsNowlimpedonweary,achinglimbsalong,EachmomentlikesomedreadedstepthatbringsAtwingeofpain。

  AsVivianrosetogo,Slowbendingtomefromhisgreaterheight,Hetookmyhand,and,lookinginmyeyes,Withtenderquestioningandpainedsurprise,Said,\"Maurine,youarenotyourselfto—night;

  Whatisit?Areyouailing?\"

  \"Ailing?No,\"

  Ianswered,laughinglightly,\"Iamnot;

  Justseemycheek,sir——isitthin,orpale?

  Now,tellme,amIlookingveryfrail?\"

  \"Nay,nay,\"heanswered,\"itcannotbeSEEN,ThechangeIspeakof——’twasmoreinyourmien—

  Preoccupation,or——Iknownotwhat!

  MissHelen,amIwrong,ordoesMaurineSeemtohavesomethingonhermindthiseve?\"

  \"Shedoes,\"laughedHelen,\"andIdobelieveIknowwhat’tis!Alettercameto—dayWhichshereadslyly,andthenhidawayClosetoherheart,notknowingIwasnear,Andsinceshe’sbeenasyouhaveseenherhere。

  Seehowsheblushes!somyrandomshotWemustbelievehasstruckatenderspot。\"

  Herripplinglaughterfloatedthroughtheroom,AndredderyetIfeltthehotbloodrise,Thensurgeaway,toleavemepaleasdeathUnderthedarkandswiftlygatheringgloomOfVivian’squestioning,accusingeyes,Thatsearchedmysoul。IalmostshriekedbeneathThatstern,fixedgaze,andstoodspellbounduntilHeturnedwithsuddenmovement,gavehishandToeachinturn,andsaid:\"YoumustnotstandLonger,youngladies,inthisopendoor。

  Theairisheavywithacold,dampchill。

  Weshallhaverainto—morrow,orbefore。

  Good—night。\"

  Hevanishedinthedarklingshade;

  Andsothedreadedeveningfoundanend,Thatsawmegrasptheconscience—whettedblade,Andstrikeablowforhonourandforfriend。

  \"Howswiftlypassedtheevening!\"Helensighed。

  \"Howlongthehours!\"mytorturedheartreplied。

  Joy,likeachild,withlightsomestepsdothglideByFatherTime,and,lookinginhisface,Cries,snatchingblossomsfromthefairroadside,\"Icouldpluckmore,butforthyhurriedpace。\"

  ThewhileherelderbrotherPain,mangrown,Whosefeetarehurtbymanyathornandstone,Lookstosomedistanthilltop,highandcalm,Whereheshallfindnotonlyrest,butbalmForallhiswounds,andcries,intonesofwoe,\"Oh,FatherTime!whyisthypacesoslow?\"

  Twodays,allsadwithlonelywindandrain,Wentsobbingby,repeatingo’erando’erThemiserere,desolateanddrear,Whicheveryhumanheartmustsometimehear。

  Painisbutlittlevaried。Itsrefrain,Whate’erthewordsare,isforayethesame。

  Thethirddaybroughtachange,forwithitcameNotonlysunnysmilestoNature’sface,ButRoy,ourRoycamebacktous。OncemoreWelookedintohislaughing,handsomeeyes,Which,whiletheygaveAuntRuthagladsurpriseInnowaypuzzledher,foroneglancetoldWhateachsucceedingoneconfirmed,thatheWhobentaboveherwiththelissomegraceOfhisfineform,thoughgrownsotall,couldbeNootherthantheRoyMontaineofold。

  Itwasasweetreunion,andhebroughtSomuchofsunshinewithhimthatIcaught,Justfromhissmilealone,enoughofgladnessTomakemyheartforgetatimeitssadness。

  Wetalkedtogetherofthedearolddays:

  Leavingthepresent,withitsdepthsandheightsOflife’smaturersorrowsanddelights,Iturnedbacktomychildhood’slevelland,AndRoyandI,dearplaymates,handinhand,Wanderedinmem’rythroughtheoldenways。

  Itwasthesecondeveningofhiscoming。

  Helenwasplayingdreamily,andhummingSomewordlessmelodyofwhite—souledthought,WhileRoyandIsatbytheopendoor,Re—livingchildishincidentsofyore。

  Myeyeswereglowing,andmycheekswerehotWithwarmyoungblood;excitement,joy,orpainAlikewouldsendswiftcoursingthrougheachvein。

  Roy,alwayseloquent,waswaxingfine,AndbringingvividlybeforemygazeSomeoldadventureofthosehalcyondays,Whensuddenly,inpausesofthetalk,Iheardawell—knownstepuponthewalk,AndlookedupquicklytomeetfullinmineTheeyesofVivianDangerfield。AflashShotfromtheirdepths:—asuddenblazeoflightLikethatswiftfollowedbythethunder’scrash,Whichsaid,\"Suspicionisconfirmedbysight,\"

  Astheyfellonthepleasantdoorwayscene。

  Theno’erhisclear—cutfaceacold,whitelookCrept,likethepallidmoonlighto’erabrook,And,withaslight,proudbendingofthehead,Hesteppedtowardushaughtily,andsaid:

  \"Pleasepardonmyintrusion,MissMaurine,IcalledtoaskMissTrevorforabookShespokeoflendingme;nay,sityoustill,AndI,bygrantofyourpermission,willPassbytowhereIhearherplaying。\"

  \"Stay,\"

  Isaid,\"onemoment,Vivian,ifyouplease;\"

  Andsuddenlybereftofallmyease,Andscarcelyknowingwhattodoorsay,Confusedasanyschoolgirl,Iarose,Andsomewaymadeeachtotheotherknown。

  Theybowed,shookhands,thenVivianturnedawayAndsoughtoutHelen,leavingusalone。

  \"OneofMissTrevor’sorofMaurine’sbeaux?

  Whichmayhebe,whocomethlikeaprinceWithhaughtybearingandaneagleeye?\"

  Royqueried,laughing;andIanswered,\"SinceYousawhimpassmeforMissTrevor’sside,Ileaveyourowngoodjudgmenttoreply。\"

  AndstraightwaycausedthetideoftalktoglideInotherchannels,strivingtodispelThesuddengloomthato’ermyspiritfell。

  Wemortalsaresuchhypocritesatbest!

  WhenConsciencetriesourcouragewithatest,Andpointstosomesteeppathway,wesetoutBoldly,denyinganyfearordoubt;

  Butpausebeforethefirstrockintheway,And,lookingback,withtears,atConscience,say:

  \"Wearesosad,dearConscience!forwewouldMostgladlydowhattotheeseemethgood;

  Butlo!thisrock!wecannotclimbit,soThoumustpointoutsomeotherwaytogo。\"

  Yetsecretlywearerejoicing:and,Whenrightbeforeourfaces,aswestandInseeminggrief,therockiscleftintwain,Leavingthepathwayclear,weshrinkinpain,And,lothtogo,byeveryactrevealWhatwesotriedfromConsciencetoconceal。

  Isawthathour,thewaymadeplain,todoWithscarceaneffortwhathadseemedastrifeThatwouldrequirethestrengthofmywholelife。

  Womenhavequickperceptions,andIknewThatVivian’sheartwasfullofjealouspain,Suspecting——nay,BELIEVING——RoyMontaineTobemylover。Firstmyalteredmien—

  Andnexttheletter——thenthedoorwayscene—

  MyflushedfacegazingintheoneaboveThatbentsonearme,andmystrangeconfusionWhenViviancameallledtooneconclusion:

  ThatIhadbutbeenplayingwithhislove,AswomensometimescruellydoplayWithheartswhentheirtrueloversareaway。

  TherecouldbenothingeasierthanjustTolethimlingeroninthisbeliefTillhourly—fedSuspicionandDistrustShouldturntoscornandangerallhisgrief。

  Comparedwithme,sodoublysweetandpureWouldHelenseem,mypurposewouldbesureAndcertainofcompletionintheend。

  Butnow,thewaywasmadesostraightandclear,Mycowardheartshrankbackinguiltyfear,TillConsciencewhisperedwithher\"stillsmallvoice,\"

  \"Theprecioustimeispassing——makethychoice—

  Resignthylove,orslaythytrustingfriend。\"

  Thegrowingmoon,watchedbythemyriadeyesOfcountlessstars,wentsailingthroughtheskies,Likesomeyoungprince,risingtoruleanation,Towhomalleyesareturnedinexpectation。

  AwomanwhopossessestactandartAndstrengthofwillcantakethehandofdoom,Andwalkon,smilingsweetlyasshegoes,Withrosylips,androundedcheeksofbloom,Cheatingaloud—tonguedworldthatneverknowsThepainandsorrowofherhiddenheart。

  AndsoIjoinedinRoy’sbrightchangingchat;

  Answeredhissallies——talkedofthisandthat,Mybrowunruffledasthecalm,stillwaveThattellsnotofthewreckedship,andthegraveBeneathitssurface。

  Thenweheard,erelong,ThesoundofHelen’sgentlevoiceinsong,And,rising,enteredwherethesubtlepowerOfVivian’seyes,forgivingwhileaccusing,Findingmeweak,hadwonme,inthathour;

  ButRoy,alwayspoliteanddebonairWhereladieswere,nowhungaboutmychairWithnamelessdelicateattentions,usingThatairdevotional,andthosesmallartsAcquaintancewithsocietyimpartsTomengallantbynature。

  ’TwasmysexAndnotmyselfhebowedto。HadmyplaceBeenfilledthateveningbyadowagerTwicehisownage,hewouldhavegivenherThesameattentions。ButtheyservedtovexWhateverhopeinVivian’sheartremained。

  Thecold,whitelookcreptbackuponhisface,Whichtoldhowdeeplyhewashurtandpained。

  LittlebylittleallthingshadconspiredTobringeventsIdreaded,yetdesired。

  Wewereinconstantintercourse:walks,rides,Picnicsandsails,filledweeksofgoldenweather,Andalmosthourlywewerethrowntogether。

  Nowordswerespokenofrebukeorscorn:

  Goodfriendsweseemed。ButasagulfdividesThislandandthat,thoughlyingsidebyside,Sorolledagulfbetweenus——deepandwide—

  Thegulfofdoubt,whichwidenedslowlymornAndnoonandnight。

  FreeandinformalwereThesepicnicsandexcursions。Yet,althoughHelenandIwouldsometimeschoosetogoWithoutourescorts,leavingthemquitefree,IthappenedalwayRoywouldseekoutmeErepassedtheday,whileVivianwalkedwithher。

  Ihadnothoughtofflirting。RoywasjustLikesomedearbrother,andIquiteforgotThekinshipwassodistantitwasnotSafetorelyuponinperfecttrust,Withoutreserveorcaution。Manyatime,Whentherewassomesteepmountain—sidetoclimbAndIgrewweary,hewouldsay,\"Maurine,Comerestyouhere。\"AndIwouldgoandleanMyheaduponhisshoulder,orwouldstandAndlethimholdinhismywillinghand,Thewhilehestrokeditgentlywithhisown。

  OrIwouldlethimclaspmewithhisarm,Norentertainedathoughtofanyharm,NoroncesupposedbutVivianwasaloneInhissuspicions。ButerelongthetruthIlearnedinconsternation!bothAuntRuthAndHelenhonestly,infaith,believedThatRoyandIwerelovers。

  Undeceived,SomecarelesswordsmightopenVivian’seyesAndspoilmyplans。Soreasoninginthiswise,ToalltheirsalliesIinjestreplied,Tonaughtassented,andyetnaughtdenied,WithRoyunchangedremaining,confidentEachunderstoodjustwhattheothermeant。

  IfIgrewwearyofthisdoublepart,Andself—imposeddeceptioncausedmyheartSometimestoshrink,IneededbuttogazeOnHelen’sface:thatworealookethereal,AsifshedweltabovethethingsmaterialAndheldcommunionwiththeangels。SoIfedmystrengthandcouragethroughthedays。

  WhattimetheharvestmoonrosefullandclearAndcastitsling’ringradianceontheearth,Wemadeafeast;andcalledfromfarandnear,Ourfriends,whocametosharethesceneofmirth。

  Fairformsandfacesflittedtoandfro;

  ButnonemoresweetthanHelen’s。Robedinwhite,Shefloatedlikeavisionthroughthedance。

  Sofraillyfragileandsophantomfair,Sheseemedlikesomestrayspiritoftheair,AndwaspursuedbymanyananxiousglanceThatlookedtoseeherfadingfromthesightLikefiguresthatadreamerseesatnight。

  Andnoblemenandgallantsgracedthescene:

  YetnonemorenobleormoregrandofmienThanVivian——broadofchestandshoulder,tallAndfinelyformed,asanyGreciangodWhosehigh—archedfootonMountOlympustrod。

  Hisclear—cutfacewasbeardless;and,likethoseSameGrecianstatues,whenincalmrepose,Wasitinhueandfeature。FramedinhairDarkandabundant;lightedbylargeeyesThatcouldbecoldassteelinwinterair,OrwarmandsunnyasItalianskies。

  Wearyofmirthandmusic,andthesoundOftrippingfeet,Isoughtamoment’srestWithinthelib’ry,whereagroupIfoundOfguests,discussingwithapparentzestSomethemeofinterest——Vivian,nearthewhile,Leaningandlisteningwithhisslow,oddsmile。

  \"Now,MissLaPelle,wewillappealtoyou,\"

  CriedyoungGuySemple,asIentered。\"WeHavebeendiscussingrightbeforehisface,Allunrebukedbyhim,asyoumaysee,Apoemlatelypublishedbyourfriend:

  Andwearequitedivided。IcontendThepoemisalibelanduntrue。

  Iholdtheficklewomenarebutfew,ComparedwiththosewhoarelikeyonfairmoonThat,everfaithful,risesinherplaceWhethershe’sgreetedbytheflowersofJuneOrcoldanddrearystretchesofwhitespace。\"

  \"Oh!\"criedanother,\"Mr。Dangerfield,Looktoyourlaurels!oryouneedsmustyieldThecrowntoSemple,who,’tisveryplain,HasmountedPegasusandgraspedhismane。\"

  Alllaughed:andthen,asGuyappealedtome,Iansweredlightly,\"Myyoungfriend,IfearYouchoseamostunluckysimileToprovethetruthofwoman。ToherplaceThemoondoesrise——butwithadifferentfaceEachtimeshecomes。ButnowIneedsmusthearThepoemread,beforeIcanconsentTopassmyjudgmentonthesentiment。\"

  AllclamouredthattheauthorwasthemanToreadthepoem:and,withtonesthatsaidMorethanthecutting,scornfulwordsheread,TakingthebookGuygavehim,hebegan:

  HERLOVE。

  ThesandsupontheoceansideThatchangeaboutwitheverytide,Andnevertruetooneabide,Awoman’sloveIlikento。

  Thesummerzephyrs,lightandvain,ThatsingthesamealluringstrainToeverygrassbladeontheplain—

  Awoman’sloveisnothingmore。

  ThesunshineofanAprildayThatcomestowarmyouwithitsray,Butwhileyousmilehasflownaway—

  Awoman’sloveisliketothis。

  Godmadepoorwomanwithnoheart,Butgaveherskill,andtact,andart,Andsoshelives,andplaysherpart。

  Wemustnotblame,butpityher。

  Sheleanstoman——butjusttohearThepraisehewhispersinherear,Herself,nothim,sheholdethdear—

  Oh,fool!tobedeceivedbyher。

  TosateherselfishthirstshequaffsTheloveofstrongheartsinsweetdraughts,Thenthrowsthemlightlybyandlaughs,Tooweaktounderstandtheirpain。

  AschangefulasthewindsthatblowFromeveryregion,toandfro,Devoidofheart,shecannotknowThesufferingofahumanheart。

  Iknewthecold,fixedgazeofVivian’seyesSawtheslowcolourtomyforeheadrise;

  Butlightlyanswered,toyingwithmyfan,\"Thatsentimentisverylikeaman!

  Mencallusfickle,buttheydouswrong;

  We’reonlyfrailandhelpless,menarestrong;

  Andwhenlovedies,theytakethepoordeadthingAndmakeashroudoutoftheirsuffering,Anddragthecorpseaboutwiththemforyears。

  Butwe?——wemournitforadaywithtears!

  Andthenwerobeitforitslastlongrest,Andbeingwomen,feeblethingsatbest,Wecannotdigthegraveourselves。AndsoWecallstrong—limbedNewLovetolayitlow:

  Immortalsextonhe!whomVenussendsTodothisserviceforherearthlyfriends,ThetrustyfellowdigsthegravesodeepNothingdisturbsthedeadlaidtheretosleep。\"

  ThelaughthatfollowedhadnotdiedawayEreRoyMontainecameseekingmetosayThebandwastuningforourwaltz,andsoBacktotheball—roomboreme。IntheglowAndheatandwhirl,mystrengtherelongwasspent,AndIgrewfaintanddizzy,andwewentOutonthecoolmoonlightedportico,And,sittingthere,RoydrewmylanguidheadUpontheshelterofhisbreast,andbentHissmilingeyesuponme,ashesaid:

  \"I’lltrythemesmerismofmytouchToworkacure:beveryquietnow,Andletmemakesomepasseso’eryourbrow。

  Why,howitthrobs!you’veexercisedtoomuch!

  Ishallnotletyoudanceagainto—night。\"

  Justthenbeforeus,inthebroadmoonlight,Twoformsweremirrored:andIturnedmyfaceTocatchtheteasingandmischievousglanceOfHelen’seyes,as,heatedbythedance,LeaningonVivian’sarm,shesoughtthisplace。

  \"Ibegyourpardon,\"cameinthatroundtoneOfhislowvoice。\"Ithinkwedointrude。\"

  Bowing,theyturned,andleftusquitealoneEreIcouldspeakorchangemyattitude。

  PARTV

  AvisittoacavesomemilesawayWasnextinorder。So,onesunnyday,FourprancingsteedsconveyedalaughingloadOfmerrypleasure—seekerso’ertheroad。

  Abasketpicnic,music,andcroquetWereintheprogramme。Skieswereblueandclear,AndcoolwindswhisperedoftheAutumnnear。

  Themerry—makersfilledthetimewithpleasure:

  Somefloatedtothemusic’srhythmicmeasure,Someplayed,somepromenadedonthegreen。

  Tickedoffbyhappyhearts,themomentspassed。

  Theafternoon,allglowandglimmer,came。

  HelenandRoywereleadersofsomegame,AndVivianwasnotvisible。

  \"Maurine,Ichallengeyoutoclimbyoncliffwithme!

  Andwhoshalltire,orreachthesummitlastMustpayaforfeit,\"criedarompingmaid。

  \"Come!startatonce,orownyouareafraid。\"

  SochallengedImadereadyfortherace,DecidingfirsttheforfeitwastobeAhandsomepairofbooteestoreplaceThevictor’slosswhomadetheroughascent。

  Thecliffwassteepandstony。OnwewentAseagerlyasifthepathwasFame,Andwhatweclimbedfor,gloryandaname。

  Myhandswerebruised;mygarmentssadlyrent,ButonIclambered。SoonIheardacry,\"Maurine!Maurine!mystrengthiswhollyspent!

  You’vewontheboots!I’mgoingback——good—bye!\"

  Andbacksheturned,inspiteoflaughandjeer。

  Ireachedthesummit:anditssolitude,Whereinnolivingcreaturedidintrude,Savesomesadbirdsthatwheeledandcirclednear,Ifoundfarsweeterthanthescenebelow。

  AlonewithOnewhoknewmyhiddenwoe,IdidnotfeelsomuchaloneaswhenImixedwithth’unthinkingthrongsofmen。

  Someflowersthatdeckedthebarren,sterileplaceIplucked,andreadthelessontheyconveyed,Thatinourlives,albeitdarkwithshadeAndroughandhardwithlabour,yetmaygrowTheflowersofPatience,Sympathy,andGrace。

  AsIwalkedoninmeditativethought,Aserpentwrithedacrossmypathway;notAlargeordeadlyserpent;yetthesightFilledmewithghastlyterrorandaffright。

  Ishriekedaloud:adarknessveiledmyeyes—

  AndIfellfainting’neaththewatchfulskies。

  Iwasnocoward。Country—bredandborn,IhadnofeelingbutthekeenestscornForthosefinelady\"ah’s\"and\"oh’s\"offearSomuchassumed(whenanymanisnear)。

  ButGodimplantedineachhumanheartAnaturalhorror,andasicklydreadOfthataccursed,slimy,creepingthingThatsquirmsalimblesscarcasso’ertheground。

  AndwherethatinbornloathingisnotfoundYou’llfindtheserpentqualitiesinstead。

  Whofearsitnot,himselfisnextofkin,AndinhisbosomholdssometreacherousartWherebytocounteractitsvenomedsting。

  AndallaresiredbySatan——ChiefofSin。

  Wholoathesnotthatfoulcreatureofthedust,Howeverfairinseeming,Idistrust。

  Iwokefrommyunconsciousness,toknowIleaneduponabroadandmanlybreast,AndVivian’svoicewasspeaking,softandlow,Sweetwhisperedwordsofpassion,o’erando’er。

  Idarednotbreathe。HadIfoundEden’sshore?

  Wasthisaforetasteofeternalbliss?

  \"Mylove,\"hesighed,hisvoicelikewindsthatmoanBeforearaininSummer—time,\"myown,Foronesweetstolenmoment,lieandrestUponthisheartthatlovesandhatesyouboth!

  Ofairfalseface!Whywereyoumadesofair!

  OmouthofSouthernsweetness!thatripekissThathangsuponyou,IdotakeanoathHISlipsshallnevergather。There!——andthere!

  Istealitfromhim。Areyouhis——allhis?

  Nay,youaremine,thismoment,asIdreamed—

  Blindfool——believingyouwerewhatyouseemed—

  Youwouldbemineinalltheyearstocome。

  Fairfiend!Iloveandhateyouinabreath。

  OGod!ifthiswhitepallorwerebutDEATH,AndIwerestretchedbesideyou,coldanddumb,Myarmsaboutyou,so——infondembrace!

  Mylipspressed,so——uponyourdyingface!\"

  \"Woman,howdareyoubringmetosuchshame!

  Howdareyoudrivemetoanactlikethis,TostealfromyourunconsciouslipsthekissYouluredmeontothinkmyrightfulclaim!

  Ofrailandpunywoman!couldyouknowThedevilthatyouwakenintheheartsYousnareandbindinyourenticingarts,Thethin,palestuffthatinyourveinsdothflowWouldfreezeinterror。

  StrangeyouhavesuchpowerTopleaseorpainus,poor,weak,soullessthings—

  Devoidofpassionasasenselessflower!

  Likebutterflies,youronlyboast,yourwings。

  There,nowIscornyou——scornyoufromthishour,Andhatemyselfforhavingtalkedoflove!\"

  Hepushedmefromhim。AndIfeltasthoseDoomedangelsmust,whenpearlygatesaboveAreclosedagainstthem。

  WithafeignedsurpriseIstartedupandopenedwidemyeyes,Andlookedabout。TheninconfusionroseAndstoodbeforehim。

  \"Pardonme,Ipray!\"

  Hesaidquitecoldly。\"HalfanhouragoIleftyouwiththecompanybelow,Andsoughtthiscliff。Amomentsinceyoucried,Itseemed,insuddenterrorandalarm。

  Icameintimetoseeyouswoonaway。

  You’llneedassistancedowntheruggedsideOfthissteepcliff。Iprayyoutakemyarm。\"

  So,formalandconstrained,wepassedalong,Rejoinedourfriends,andmingledwiththethrongTohavenofurtherspeechagainthatday。

  Nextmorntherecameabulkydocument,ThelegalfirmofBlankandBlankhadsent,Containingnewsunlookedfor。AnestateWhichprovedacosyfortune——nowisegreatOrprincely——hadinFrancebeenlefttome,Mygrandsire’slastdescendant。AnditbroughtAsenseofjoyandfreedominthethoughtOfforeigntravel,whichIhopedwouldbeApanaceaformytroubledmind,ThatlongedtoleavetheoldenscenesbehindWithalltheirrecollections,andtofleeTosomestrangecountry。

  IwasinsuchhasteToputbetweenmeandmynativelandThebrinyocean’sdesolatingwaste,IgaveAuntRuthnopeace,untilsheplannedTosailthatweek,twomonths:thoughshewasfainTowaituntiltheSpringtime。RoyMontaineWouldbeourguideandescort。

  NoonedreamedThecauseofmystrangehurry,butallseemedTothinkgoodfortunehadquiteturnedmybrain。

  OnebrightOctobermorning,whenthewoodsHaddonnedtheirpurplemantlesandredhoodsInhonouroftheFrostKing,Viviancame,Bringingsomegreenleaves,tippedwithcrimsonflame,—

  FirsttrophiesoftheAutumntime。

  AndRoyMadeaproposalthatweallshouldgoAndrambleintheforestforawhile。

  ButHelensaidshewasnotwell——andsoMuststayathome。ThenVivian,withasmile,Responded,\"Iwillstayandtalktoyou,Andtheymaygo;\"atwhichhertwocheeksgrewLiketwinblushroses——dyedwithlove’sredwave,Herfairfaceshonetransfiguredwithgreatjoy。

  AndViviansaw——andsuddenlywasgrave。

  RoytookmyarminthatprotectingwayPeculiartosomemen,whichseemstosay,\"Ishieldmyown,\"amannerpleasing,e’enWhenweareconsciousthatitdoesnotmeanMorethanasimplecourtesy。AwomanWhoseheartiswhollyfeminineandhuman,Andnotunsexedbyhobbies,likestobeTheobjectofthattenderchivalry,Thatguardianshipwhichmanbestowsonher,Yetmixedwithdeference;asifshewereHalfchild,halfangel。

  Thoughshemaybestrong,Nobleandself—reliant,notafraidToraiseherhandandvoiceagainstallwrongAndalloppression,yetifshebemade,Withalltheindependenceofherthought,Awomanwomanly,asGoddesigned,AlbeitshemayhaveasgreatamindAsman,herbrother,yethisstrengthofarm,Hismuscleandhisboldnessshehasnot,AndcannothavewithoutsheloseswhatIsfarmoreprecious,modestyandgrace。

  So,walkingoninherappointedplace,Shedoesnotstrivetoapehim,norpretendButthatsheneedshimforaguideandfriend,Toshieldherwithhisgreaterstrengthfromharm。

  Wereachedtheforest;wanderedtoandfroThroughmanyawindingpathanddimretreat,TillIgrewweary:whenIchoseaseatUponanoak—tree,whichhadbeenlaidlowBysomewindstorm,orbysomelightningstroke。

  AndRoystoodjustbelowme,wheretheledgeOnwhichIsatslopedsteeplytotheedgeOfsunnymeadowslyingatmyfeet。

  Onehandheldmine;theothergraspedalimbThatcastitscheckeredshadowsoverhim;

  And,withhisheadthrownback,hisdarkeyesraisedAndfixeduponme,silentlyhegazedUntilI,smiling,turnedtohimandspoke:

  \"Givewords,mycousin,tothosethoughtsthatrise,And,likedumbspirits,lookforthfromyoureyes。\"

  ThesmoothandevendarknessofhischeekWasstainedonemomentbyaflushofred。

  HeswayedhislitheformnearerashestoodStillclingingtothebranchabovehishead。

  Hisbrillianteyesgrewdarker;andhesaid,Withsuddenpassion,\"Doyoubidmespeak?

  Icannot,then,keepsilenceifIwould。

  Thathatefulfortune,comingasitdid,Forbademyspeakingsooner;forIknewAharsh—tonguedworldwouldquicklymisconstrueMymotiveforameanerone。But,sweet,SobigmyhearthasgrownwithloveforyouIcannotshelteritorkeepithid。

  AndsoIcastitthrobbingatyourfeet,Foryoutoguardandcherish,ortobreak。

  Maurine,Iloveyoubetterthanmylife。

  Myfriend——mycousin——bestillmore,mywife!

  Maurine,Maurine,whatanswerdoyoumake?\"

  Iscarcecouldbreatheforwonderment;andnumbWithtruththatfelltoosuddenly,satdumbWithsheeramaze,andstaredatRoywitheyesThatlookednofeelingbutcompletesurprise。

  Heswayedsonearhisbreathwasonmycheek。

  \"Maurine,Maurine,\"hewhispered,\"willyouspeak?\"

  Thensuddenly,aso’ersomemagicglassOnepictureinascoreofshapeswillpass,IseemedtoseeRoyglidebeforemygaze。

  First,astheplaymateofmyearlierdays—

  Next,asmykin——andthenmyvaluedfriend,Andlast,mylover。AswhencoloursblendInsomeunlooked—forgroupbeforeoureyes,Weholdtheglass,andlookthemo’erando’er,SonowIgazedonRoyinhisnewguise,Inwhichhene’erappearedtomebefore。

  Hisformwaslikeapanther’sinitsgrace,Solitheandsupple,andofmediumheight,Andgarbedinalltheeleganceoffashion。

  Hislargeblackeyeswerefulloffireandpassion,Andinexpressionfearless,firm,andbright。

  Hishairwasliketheverydeepsofnight,Andhunginravenclusters’roundafaceOfdarkandflashingbeauty。

  HewasmoreLikesomeromanticmaiden’sgrandidealThanlikeacommonbeing。AsIgazedUponthehandsomefacetomineupraised,Isawbeforeme,living,breathing,real,Theheroofmyearlyday—dreams:thoughSofullmyheartwaswiththatclear—cutface,Which,allunlike,yetclaimedthehero’splace,Ihadnotrecognisedhimsobefore,Orthoughtofhim,saveasavaluedfriend。

  SonowIcalledhim,adding,\"Foolishboy!

  EachwordofloveyouutteraimsablowAtthatsweettrustIhadreposedinyou。

  IwassocertainIhadfoundatrue,Steadfastmanfriend,onwhomIcoulddepend,Andgoonwhollytrustingtotheend。

  Whydidyoushattermydelusion,Roy,Byturningtoalover?\"

  \"Why,indeed!

  BecauseIlovedyoumorethananybrother,Oranyfriendcouldlove。\"ThenhebeganToarguelikealawyer,andtopleadWithallhiseloquence。And,listening,IstrovetothinkitwasagoodlythingTobesofondlylovedbysuchaman,Anditwerebesttogivehiswooingheed,Andnotdenyhim。Thenbeforemyeyes,Inallitsclear—cutmajesty,thatotherHaughtyandpoet—handsomefacewouldriseAndrobmypurposeofalllifeandstrength。

  Royurgedandargued,asRoyonlycould,Withthatimpetuous,boyisheloquence。

  Heheldmyhands,andvowedImust,andshouldGivesomeleasthope;till,inmyowndefence,Iturneduponhim,andrepliedatlength:

  \"Ithankyouforthenobleheartyouoffer:

  Butitdeservesatrueoneinexchange。

  IcouldloveyouifIlovednotanotherWhokeepsmyheart;soIhavenonetoproffer。\"

  Then,seeinghowhisdarkeyesflashed,Isaid:

  \"DearRoy!Iknowmywordsseemverystrange;

  ButIloveoneIcannothopetowed。

  Ariverrollsbetweenus,darkanddeep。

  Tocrossit——weretostainwithbloodmyhand。

  YouforcemyspeechonwhatIfainwouldkeepInmyownbosom,butyouunderstand?

  Myheartisgiventolovethat’ssanctified,Andnowcanfeelnoother。

  Beyoukind,DearRoy,mybrother!speakofthisnomore,LestpleadinganddenyingshoulddivideTheheartssolongunited。LetmefindInyoumycousinandmyfriendofyore。

  Andnowcomehome。Themorning,alltoosoonAndunperceived,hasmeltedintonoon。

  Helenwillmissus,andwemustreturn。\"

  Hetookmyhand,andhelpedmetoarise,Smilinguponmewithhissad,darkeyes,Wherepassion’sfireshad,sudden,ceasedtoburn。

  \"Andso,\"hesaid,\"toosoonandunforeseenMyfriendshipmeltedintolove,Maurine。

  But,sweet!IamnotwhollyintheblameForwhatyoutermmyfolly。Youforgot,Solongwe’dknowneachother,IhadnotIntruthabrother’soracousin’sclaim。

  ButIremembered,whenthrougheverynerveYourlightesttouchwentthrilling;andbeganToloveyouwiththathumanloveofmanForcomelywoman。Byyourcoaxingarts,Youwonyourwayintomyheartofhearts,AndallPlatonicfeelingsputtorout。

  AmaidshouldneverlayasidereserveWithonewho’snotherkinsman,outandout。

  Butaswenow,withmeasuredsteps,retraceThepathwecame,e’ensomyheartI’llsend,Atyourcommand,backtotheoldenplace,Andstrivetoloveyouonlyasafriend。\"

  Ifeltthejusticeofhismildreproof,Butanswered,laughing,\"’Tisthesameoldcry:

  ’Thewomantemptedme,andIdideat。’

  SinceAdam’stimewe’veheardit。ButI’lltryAndbemoreprudent,sir,andholdaloofThefruitIneveroncehadthoughtsosweet’Twouldtemptyouany。Nowgodressfordinner,Thousinnedagainst!asalsowillthesinner。

  Andguardeachact,thatnoleastlookbetrayWhat’spassedbetweenus。\"

  ThenIturnedawayAndsoughtmyroom,lowhummingsomeoldairThatceaseduponthethreshold;formineeyesFellonafacesoglorifiedandfairAllothersenses,mergedinthatofsight,WerelostincontemplationofthebrightAndwond’rouspicture,whichhadotherwiseMadedimmyvision。

  Waitinginmyroom,HerwholefacelitasbyaninwardflameThatsheditshalo’roundher,Helenstood;

  Herfairhandsfoldedlikealily’sleavesWeigheddownbyhappydewsofsummereves。

  UponhercheekthecolourwentandcameAssunlightflickerso’erabedofbloom;

  And,likesomeslimyoungsaplingofthewood,Herslenderformleanedslightly;andherhairFell’roundherloosely,inlongcurlingstrandsAllunconfined,andasbylovinghandsTossedintobrightconfusion。

  Standingthere,Herstarryeyesuplifted,shedidseemLikesomeunearthlycreatureofadream;

  Untilshestartedforward,glidingslowly,Andbrokethebreathlesssilence,speakinglowly,Asonegrownmeek,andhumbleinanhour,Bowingbeforesomenewandmightypower。

  \"Maurine,Maurine!\"shemurmured,andagain,\"Maurine,myownsweetfriend,Maurine!\"

  Andthen,Layingherlove—lighthandsuponmyhead,Sheleaned,andlookedintomyeyes,andsaidWithvoicethatboreherjoyinev’rytone,AswindsthatblowacrossagardenbedAreweighedwithfragrance,\"Heisminealone,AndIamhis——allhis——hisveryown。

  Sopledgedthishour,bythatmostsacredtieSaveonebeneathGod’sover—archingsky。

  Icouldnotwaittotellyouofmybliss:

  Iwantyourblessing,sweetheart!andyourkiss。\"

  Sohidingmyheart’stroublewithasmile,Ileanedandkissedherdaintymouth;thewhileIfeltaguilt—joy,asofsomesweetsin,Whenmylipsfellwherehissolatehadbeen。

  AndalldaylongIboreaboutwithmeAsenseofshame——yetmixedwithsatisfaction,Assomestarvedchildmightstealaloaf,andbeSadwiththeguiltresultingfromheraction,Whileyetthemorselinhermouthwassweet。

  Thatev’ningwhenthehousehadsettleddownTosleepandquiet,tomyroomtherecreptAlitheyoungform,robedinalongwhitegown:

  Withstepslikefallofthistle—downshecame,Hermouthsmile—wreathed;and,breathinglowmyname,Nestledingracefulbeautyatmyfeet。

  \"Sweetheart,\"shemurmuredsoftly,\"ereIsleep,Ineedsmusttellyouallmytaleofjoy。

  Beginningwhereyouleftus——youandRoy。

  YousawthecolourflameuponmycheekWhenVivianspokeofstaying。Sodidhe;—

  And,whenwewerealone,hegazedatmeWithsuchastrangelookinhiswond’rouseyes。

  Thesilencedeepened;andItriedtospeakUponsomecommontopic,butcouldnot,Myheartwasinsuchtumult。

  InthiswiseFivehappymomentsglidedbyus,fraughtWithhoursoffeeling。Vivianroseupthen,Andcameandstoodbyme,andstrokedmyhair。

  And,inhislowvoice,o’erando’eragain,Said,’Helen,littleHelen,frailandfair。’

  Thentookmyface,andturnedittothelight,Andlookinginmyeyes,andseeingwhatWasshiningfromthem,murmured,sweetandlow,’Deareyes,youcannotveilthetruthfromsight。

  Youloveme,Helen!answer,isitso?’

  AndImadeanswerstraightway,’WithmylifeAndsoulandstrengthIloveyou,Omylove!’

  Heleanedandtookmegentlytohisbreast,Andsaid,’HerethenthisdaintyheadshallrestHenceforthforever:Omylittledove!

  Mylily—bud——myfragileblossom—wife!’

  AndthenItoldhimallmythoughts;andheListened,withkissesforhiscomments,tillMytalewasfinished。Thenhesaid,’IwillBefrankwithyou,mydarling,fromthestart,Andhidenosecretfromyouinmyheart。

  Iloveyou,Helen,butyouarenotfirstTorousethatlovetobeing。ErewemetIlovedawomanmadly——neverdreamingShewasnotallintruthshewasinseeming。

  Enough!sheprovedtobethatthingaccursedOfGodandman——awilyvaincoquette。

  Ihatemyselfforhavinglovedher。YetSomuchmyheartspentonher,itmustgiveAlovelessardent,andlessprodigal,Albeitjustastenderandastrue—

  Amilder,yetafaithfullovetoyou。

  JustassomeevilfortunemightbefallAman’sgreatriches,causinghimtoliveInsomelowcot,allunpretending,stillAsmuchhishome——asmuchhislovedretreat,Aswastheprincelypalaceonthehill,E’ensoIgiveyouallthat’sleft,mysweet!

  Ofmyheart—fortune。’

  ’Thatweremoretome,’

  Imadeswiftsmilinganswer,’thantobeTheworshippedconsortofaking。’AndsoOurfaithwaspledged。ButVivianwouldnotgoUntilIvowedtowedhimNewYearday。

  AndIamsadbecauseyougoawayBeforethattime。IshallnotfeelhalfwedWithoutyouhere。Postponeyourtripandstay,Andbemybridesmaid。\"

  \"Nay,Icannot,dear!

  ’Twoulddisarrangeourplansforhalfayear。

  I’llbeinEuropeNewYearday,\"Isaid,\"Andsendcongratulationsbythecable。\"

  AndfrommysoulthankedProvidenceforsparingThepain,tome,ofsharingin,andwearing,Thefestalgarmentsofaweddingscene,Whileallmyheartwashungwithsorrow’ssable。

  Forgettingforaseason,thatbetweenThecupandlipliesmanyachanceofloss,Ilivedinmynearfuture,confidentAllwouldbeasIplannedit;and,acrossThebrinywasteofwaters,IshouldfindSomebalmandcomfortformytroubledmind。

  ThesadFalldays,likemaidensauburn—tressedAndamber—eyed,inpurplegarmentsdressed,Passedby,anddroppedtheirtearsuponthetombOffairQueenSummer,buriedinherbloom。

  Royleftusforatime,andHelenwentTomakethenuptialpreparations。Then,AuntRuthcomplainedonedayoffeelingill:

  Herveinsranredwithfever;andtheskillOftwophysicianscouldnotstemthetide。

  Thehouse,thatrangsolatewithlaughandjest,Grewghostlywithlowwhisperedsounds:andwhenTheAutumnday,thatIhadthoughttobeBoundinguponthebillowsofthesea,Camesobbingin,itfoundmepaleandworn,StrivingtokeepawaythatunlovedguestWhocomesunbidden,makingheartstomourn。

  ThroughalltheanxiousweeksIwatchedbesideThesuff’rer’scouch,Roywasmyhelpandstay;

  Otherswerekind,buthealoneeachdayBroughtstrengthandcomfort,byhischeerfulface,Andhopefulwords,thatfellinthatsadplaceLikeraysoflightuponadarkenedway。

  Novemberpassed;andWinter,crispandchill,Inrobesoferminewalkedonplainandhill。

  ReturninglightandlifedispelledthegloomThatcheatedDeathhadbroughtusfromthetomb。

  AuntRuthwassaved,andslowlygettingbetter—

  Wasdressedeachday,andwalkedabouttheroom。

  ThencameonemorningintheEasternmail,Alittlewhite—wingedbirdlingofaletter。

  Ibrokethesealandread,\"Maurine,myown!

  IhearAuntRuthisbetter,andamglad。

  Ifeltsosorryforyou;andsosadTothinkIleftyouwhenIdid——aloneTobearyourpainandworry,andthosenightsOfweary,anxiouswatching。

  VivianwritesYourplansarechangednow,andyouwillnotsailBeforetheSpringtime。Soyou’llcomeandbeMybridesmaid,darling!Donotsaymenay。

  Butthreeweeksmoreofgirlhoodlefttome。

  Come,ifyoucan,justtwoweeksfromto—day,Andmakeyourpreparationshere。Mysweet!

  IndeedIamnotgladAuntRuthwasill—

  I’msorryshehassufferedso;andstillI’mthankfulsomethinghappened,soyoustayed。

  I’msuremyweddingwouldbeincompleteWithoutyourpresence。Selfish,I’mafraidYou’llthinkyourHelen。ButIloveyouso,HowcanIbequitewillingyoushouldgo?

  ComeChristmasEve,orearlier。Letmeknow,AndIwillmeetyou,dearie!atthetrain。

  Yourhappy,lovingHelen。\"

  ThenthepainThat,hiddenunderlaterpainandcare,Hadmadenomoan,butsilent,seemedtosleep,Wokefromitstrance—likelethargy,tosteepMytorturedheartinanguishanddespair。

  IhadreliedtoofullyonmyskillInbendingcircumstancestomywill:

  AndnowIwasrebukedandmadetoseeThatGodaloneknowethwhatistobe。

  ThencameamessengerfromVivian,whoCamenothimself,ashewaswonttodo,ButsenthisservanteachnewdaytobringAkindlymessage,oranofferingOfjuicyfruitstocoolthelipsoffever,Ordaintyhot—houseblossoms,withtheirbloomTobrightenuptheconvalescent’sroom。

  ButnowtheservantonlybroughtalineFromVivianDangerfieldtoRoyMontaine,\"DearSir,andFriend\"——inlettersboldandplain,Writtenoncream—whitepaper,soitran:

  \"ItisthewillandpleasureofMissTrevor,Andthereforedoublysoawishofmine,ThatyoushallhonourmenextNewYearEve,Myweddinghour,bystandingasbestman。

  MissTrevorhassixbridesmaidsIbelieve。

  Beingmyselfanoviceintheart—

  IfIshouldfailinactingwellmypart,I’llneedprotection’gainsttheregimentOfoutragedladies。So,Ipray,consentTostandbymeintimeofneed,andshieldYourfriendsincerely,VivianDangerfield。\"

  Thelastleasthopehadvanished;Imustdrain,E’entothedregs,thisbittercupofpain。

  PARTVI

  Therewasaweekofbustleandofhurry;

  Astatelyhomeechoedtovoicessweet,Calling,replying;andtotrippingfeetOfbusybridesmaids,runningtoandfro,WithallthatgirlishflutteringandflurryPrecedingsuchoccasions。

  Helen’sroomWaslikealily—garden,allinbloom,Deckedwiththedaintyrobesofhertrousseau。

  Myrobewasfashionedbyswift,skilfulhands—

  Athingofbeauty,elegantandrich,Amysteryofloopings,puffsandbands;

  AndasIwatcheditgrowing,stitchbystitch,IfeltasonemightfeelwhoshouldbeholdWithvisiontrance—like,wherehisbodylayIndeathlyslumber,simulatingclay,Hisgrave—clothsewedtogether,foldonfold。

  Ilivedwithev’rynerveuponthestrain,Asmengointobattle;andthepain,That,moreandmore,tomysadheartrevealedGrewghastlywithitshorrors,wasconcealedFrommortaleyesbysuperhumanpower,ThatGodbestoweduponme,hourbyhour。

  WhatnighttheOldYeargaveuntotheNewThekeyofhumanhappinessandwoe,Thepointedstars,upontheirfieldofblue,Shone,whiteandperfect,o’eraworldbelow,Ofsnow—cladbeauty;allthetreesweredressedIngleaminggarments,deckedwithdiadems,Eachseeminglikeabridal—biddenguest,Comingo’erladenwithagiftofgems。

  Thebustleofthedressing—room;thesoundOfeagervoicesindiscourse;theclangOf\"sweetbellsjangled\";thudofsteel—cladfeetThatbeatswiftmusiconthefrozenground—

  Allblenttogetherinmybrain,andrangAmedleyofstrangenoises,incomplete,Andfullofdiscords。

  ThenoutonthenightStreamedfromtheopenvestibule,alightThatlitthevelvetblossomswhichwetrod,Withallthehuesofthosethatdeckthesod。

  ThegrandcathedralwindowswereablazeWithgorgeouscolours;throughaseaofbloom,Upthelongaisle,tojointhewaitinggroom,Thebridalcortegepassed。

  AssomelostsoulMightsurgeonwiththecuriouscrowd,togazeUponitscoffinedbody,soIwentWiththatgladfestalthrong。TheorgansentGreatwavesofmelodyalongtheair,Thatbrokeandfell,inliquiddrops,likespray,Onhappyheartsthatlistened。ButtomeItsoundedfaintly,asifmilesaway,Atroubledspirit,sittingindespairBesidethesadandever—moaningsea,Gaveutterancetosighingsoundsofdole。

  Wepausedbeforethealtar。Framedinflowers,Thewhite—robedmanofGodstoodforth。

  IheardThesolemnserviceopen;throughlonghoursIseemedtostandandlisten,whileeachwordFellonmyearasfallsthesoundofclayUponthecoffinoftheworshippeddead。

  Thestatelyfathergavethebrideaway:

  ThebridegroomcircledwithagoldenbandThetaperfingerofherdaintyhand。

  Thelastimposing,bindingwordsweresaid—

  \"WhatGodhasjoinedletnomanputasunder\"—

  Andallmystrifewithselfwasatanend;

  Myloverwasthehusbandofmyfriend。

  Howstrangely,insomeawfulhourofpain,Externaltrifleswithoursorrowsblend!

  Ineverhearthemightyorgan’sthunder,Inevercatchthescentofheliotrope,Norseestainedwindowsallablazewithlight,Withoutthatdizzywhirlingofthebrain,Andalltheghastlyfeelingofthatnight,Whenmysickheartrelinquishedloveandhope。

  Thepainwefeelsokeenlymaydepart,Ande’enitsmemoryceasetohaunttheheart:

  Butsomeslightthing,aperfume,orasoundWillprobetheclosedrecessesofthewound,Andforamomentbringtheold—timesmart。

  Congratulations,kisses,tearsandsmiles,Good—byesandfarewellsgiven;thenacrossThesnowywasteofwearywintrymiles,Backtomygirlhoods’home,where,througheachroom,ForevermorepalephantomsofdelightShouldaimlesswander,alwaysinmysight,Pointing,withghostlyfingers,tothetombWetwiththetearsoflivingpainandloss。

  Thesleeplessnightsofwatchingandofcare,Followedbythatoneweekofkeenestpain,Taxingmyweakenedsystem,andmybrain,Broughtonaling’ringillness。

  Daybyday,Inthatstrange,apatheticstateIlay,Ofmentalandofphysicaldespair。

  Ihadnopain,nofever,andnochill,Butlaywithoutambition,strength,orwill。

  Knowingnowishforanythingbutrest,Whichseemed,ofallGod’sstoreofgifts,thebest。

  Physicianscameandshooktheirheadsandsighed;

  AndtotheirscoreofquestionsIreplied,Withbutonelanguidanswer,o’erando’er,\"Iamsoweary——weary——nothingmore。\"

  Islept,anddreamedIwassomefeatheredthing,Flyingthroughspacewithever—achingwing,SeekingashipcalledRestallsnowywhite,Thatsailedandsailedbeforeme,justinsight,Butalwaysoneunchangingdistancekept,AndwokemorewearythanbeforeIslept。

  Islept,anddreamedIrantowinaprize,Ahandfromheavenhelddownbeforemyeyes。

  AlleagernessIsoughtit——itwasgone,Butshoneinallitsbeautyfartheron。

  Iran,andran,andran,ineagerquestOfthatgreatprize,whereonwaswritten\"Rest,\"

  Whicheverjustbeyondmyreachdidgleam,Andwakeneddoublywearywithmydream。

  IdreamedIwasacrystaldropofrain,Thatsawasnow—whitelilyontheplain,Andleftthecloudtonestleinherbreast。

  Ifellandfell,butnevermorefoundrest—

  Ifellandfell,butfoundnostoppingplace,Throughleaguesandleaguesofnever—endingspace,Whilespaceillimitablestretchedbefore。

  Andallthesedreamsbutweariedmethemore。

  Familiarvoicessoundedinmyroom—

  AuntRuth’s,andRoy’s,andHelen’s:buttheyseemedApartofsomestrangefancyIhaddreamed,Andnowremembereddimly。

  Wrappedingloom,Mymind,o’ertaxed,lostholdoftimeatlast,Ignoreditsfuture,andforgotitspast,Andgropedalongthepresent,asalight,Carried,uncovered,throughthefogsofnight,Willflickerfaintly。

  ButIfelt,atlength,WhenMarchwindsbroughtvaguerumoursofthespring,Acertainsenseof\"restlessnesswithrest。\"

  Myachingframewaswearyofrepose,Andwantedaction。

  Thenslow—creepingstrengthCamebackwithMem’ry,handinhand,tobringAndlayuponmysoreandbleedingbreast,Grim—visagedRecollection’sthornyrose。

  Igained,andfailed。Onedaycouldrideandwalk,Thenextwouldfindmeprostrate:whileaflockOfghostlythoughts,likephantombirds,wouldflitAboutthechambersofmyheart,orsit,Palespectresofthepast,withfoldedwings,Perched,silently,uponthevoicelessstrings,ThatonceresoundedtoHope’shappylays。

  Sopassedtheever—changingAprildays。

  WhenMaycame,lightsomefooted,o’erthelea,AccompaniedbykindAuntRuthandRoy,Ibadefarewelltohomewithsecretjoy,Andturnedmywanfaceeastwardtothesea。

  Royplannedourrouteoftravel:foralllandsWereonetohim。OrEgypt’sburningsands,OrAlpsofSwitzerland,orstatelyRome,Allwerefamiliarasthefieldsofhome。

  Therewasayearofwand’ringtoandfro,Likerestlessspirits;scalingmountainheights;

  Dwellingamongthecountless,raredelightsOflandshistoric;turningdustypages,StampedwiththetragediesofmightyagesGazinguponthescenesofbloodyacts,Ofkingslongburied——bare,unvarnishedfacts,Surpassingwildestfictionsofthebrain;

  Rubbingagainstallpeople,highandlow,AndbythiscontactfeelingSelftogrowSmallerandlessimportant,andtheveinOfhumankindnessdeeper,seeingGod,Untothehumbledelverofthesod,Andtotherulingmonarchonthethrone,Hasgivenhope,ambition,joy,andpain,Andthatallheartshavefeelingslikeourown。

  Thereisnoschoolthatdisciplinesthemind,Andbroadensthought,likecontactwithmankind。

  Thecollege—prisonedgraybeard,whohasburnedThemidnightlamp,andbook—boundknowledgelearned,TillsciencesorclassicsholdnoloreHehasnotconnedandstudied,o’erando’er,Isbutababeinwisdom,whencomparedWithsomeunletteredwand’rer,whohassharedThehospitalitiesofeveryland;

  Felttouchofbrotherineachprofferedhand;

  Mademanhisstudy,andtheworldhiscollege,Andgainedthisgrandepitomeofknowledge:

  Eachhumanbeinghasaheartandsoul,Andselfisbutanatomofthewhole。

  IholdheisbestlearnedandmostwiseWhobestandmostcanloveandsympathize。

  Book—wisdommakesusvainandself—contained;

  Ourbandedmindsgoroundinlittlegrooves;

  ButconstantfrictionwiththeworldremovesTheseironfoestofreedom,andweriseTogranderheights,and,alluntrammelled,findAbetteratmosphereandclearerskies;

  Andthroughitsbroadenedrealm,nolongerchained,Thoughttravelsfreely,leavingSelfbehind。

  Where’erwechancedtowanderortoroam,GladletterscamefromHelen;happythings,Likelittlebirdsthatfollowedonswiftwings,Bringingtheirtendermessagesfromhome。

  Herdayswerepoems,beautiful,complete。

  Therhythmperfect,andtheburdensweet。

  Shewassohappy——happy,andsoblest。

  Myhearthadfoundcontentmentinthatyear。

  Withhealthrestored,mylifeseemedfullofcheerTheheartofyouthturnsevertothelight;

  Sorrowandgloommaycurtainitlikenight,But,initsveryanguishandunrest,Itbeatsandtearsthepall—likefoldsaway,Andfindsagainthesunlightoftheday。

  Andyet,despitethechangeswithoutmeasure,Despitesight—seeing,roundonroundofpleasure;

  Despitenewfriends,newsuitors,stillmyheartWasconsciousofasomethinglacking,whereLoveoncehaddwelt,andafterwarddespair。

  Nowlovewasburied;anddespairhadflownBeforethehealthfulzephyrsthathadblownFromheightssereneandlofty;andtheplaceWherebothhaddweltwasempty,voicelessspace。

  AndsoItookmylong—lovedstudy,art,Thedrearyvacuuminmylifetofill,Andworked,andlaboured,witharightgoodwill。

  AuntRuthandItookroomsinRome;whileRoyLingeredinScotland,withhisnew—foundjoy。

  Adaintylittlelassie,GraceKildare,Hadsnaredhiminherflossy,flaxenhair,Andmadehimcaptive。

  Wewerethrown,bychance,IncontactwithherpeoplewhileinFranceThepreviousseason:shewaswhollysweetAndfairandgentle;sonaive,andyetSowomanly,shewasatoncethepetOfallourparty;and,eremanydays,Wonbyherfreshface,andherartlessways,Royfellahelplesscaptiveatherfeet。

  HerhomewasintheHighlands;andshecameOfgoodoldstock,offairuntarnishedfame。

  ThroughallthesemonthsRoyhadbeentrueassteel;

  AndbyhiseveryactionmademefeelHewasmyfriendandbrother,andnomore,Thesamebig—souledandtrustyfriendofyore。

  Yet,inmysecretheart,IwishedIknewWhetherthelovehefeltonetimewasdead,Oronlyhidden,formysake,fromview。

  Sowhenhecametomeoneday,andsaid,ThevelvetblacknessofhiseyesashineWithlightofloveandtriumph:\"Cousin,mine,Congratulateme!ShewhomIadoreHaspledgedtomethepromiseofherhand;

  HerheartIhavealready,\"IwasgladWithdoublegladness,foritfreedmymindOffearthathe,insecret,mightbesad。

  FromMarchtillJunehadlefthermoonsbehind,Andmergedherrose—redbeautyinJuly,Therewasnomessagefrommynativeland。

  Thencameafewbrieflines,byVivianpenned:

  DeathhadbeenneartoHelen,butpassedby;

  Thedangerwasnowover。Godwaskind;

  Themotherandthechildwerebothalive;

  NootherchildwaseverknowntothriveAsthrovethisone,nursehadbeenheardtosay。

  Theinfantwasawonder,everyway。

  And,atcommandofHelen,hewouldsendAlockofbaby’sgoldenhairtome。

  AnddidI,onmyhonour,everseeSuchhairbefore?Helenwouldwrite,erelong:

  Shegainedquiteslowly,butwouldsoonbestrong—

  Strongerthanever,sothedoctorssaid。

  Itookthetinyringlet,golden——fair,MayhaphishandhadseveredfromtheheadOfhisownchild,andpressedittomycheekAndtomylips,andkissedito’erando’er。

  Allmymaternalinstinctsseemedtorise,Andclamourfortheirrights,whilemyweteyesRainedtearsuponthesilkentressofhair。

  Thewomanstruggledwithherheartbefore!

  Itwasthemotherinmenowdidspeak,Moaning,likeRachel,thatherbabeswerenot,Andcryingoutagainstherbarrenlot。

  OnceIbemoanedthelongandlonelyyearsThatstretchedbeforeme,darkwithlove’seclipse;

  AndthoughthowmyunmatedheartwouldmissTheshelterofabroadandmanlybreast—

  Thestrong,boldarm——thetenderclingingkiss—

  Andallpurelove’spossessions,manifold;

  ButnowIweptafloodofbittertears,Thinkingoflittleheadsofshininggold,Thatwouldnotonmybosomsinktorest;

  Oflittlehandsthatwouldnottouchmycheek;

  Oflittlelispingvoices,andsweetlips,Thatneverinmylist’ningearwouldspeakTheblessednameofmother。

  Oh,inwomanHowmightyistheloveofoffspring!EreUntoherwond’ring,untaughtmindunfoldsThemyst’rythatishalfdivine,halfhuman,Oflifeandbirth,theloveofunbornsoulsWithinher,andthemother—yearningcreepsThroughherwarmheart,andstirsitshiddendeeps,Andgrowsandstrengthenswitheachriperyear。

  Asstormsmaygatherinaplacidsky,Andspendtheirfury,andthenpassaway,Leavingagaintheblueofcloudlessday,E’ensothetempestofmygriefpassedby。

  ’TwasweaktomournforwhatIhadresigned,Withthedeliberatepurposeofmymind,Tomysweetfriend。

  Relinquishingmylove,Igavemydearesthopeofjoytoher。

  IfGod,fromoutHisboundlessstoreabove,Hadchosenaddedblessingstoconfer,Iwouldrejoice,forhersake——notrepineThatth’immortaltreasureswerenotmine。

  Bettermylonelysorrow,thantoknowMyselfishjoyhadbeenanother’swoe;

  Bettermygriefandmystrengthtocontrol,Thanthedespairofherfrail—bodiedsoul;

  Bettertogoon,loveless,totheend,Thanwearlove’srose,whosethornhadslainmyfriend。

  Workisthesalvethathealsthewoundedheart。

  WithwillmostresoluteIsetmyaimToenteronthewearyraceforFame,AndifIfailedtoclimbthedizzyheight,Toreachsomepointofexcellenceinart。

  E’enastheMakerheldearthincomplete,Tillmanwasformed,andplaceduponthesod,Theperfect,livingimageofhisGod,Alllandscapesceneswerelackinginmysight,Whereinthehumanfigurehadnopart。

  Inthat,alllinesofsymmetrydidmeet—

  Allhuesofbeautymingle。SoIbroughtEnthusiasminabundance,thought,Muchstudy,andsometalent,daybyday,TohelpmeinmyeffortstoportrayThewond’rouspower,majestyandgraceStampedonsomeform,orlookingfromsomeface。

  Thiswastobemyspecialty:TotakeHumanemotionformytheme,andmakeTheunassistedformdivineexpressAngerorSorrow,Pleasure,Pain,Distress;

  AndthustobuildFame’smonumentaboveThegraveofmydepartedhopeandlove。

  ThisisnotGenius。GeniusspreadsitswingsAndsoarsbeyonditself,orselfishthings。

  Talenthasneedofstepping—stones:somecross,Somecheatedpurpose,somegreatpainorloss,Mustlaythegroundwork,andarouseambition,Beforeitlaboursonwardtofruition。

  But,asthelarkfrombedsofbloomwillriseAndsailandsingamongtheveryskies,Stillmountingnearandnearertothelight,Impelledwings,toheightssublime。

  Impelledalonebyloveofupwardflight,SoGeniussoars——itdoesnotneedtoclimb—

  Somesportman’sshot,grazingthesinger’sthroat,Somevenomousassaultofbirdsofprey,Mayspeeditsflighttowardtherealmofday,Andtingewithtriumpheveryliquidnote。

  SodeathlessGeniusmountsbuthigheryet,WhenStrifeandEnvythinktoslayorfret。

  ThereisnobalkingGenius。OnlydeathCansilenceit,orhinder。Whilethere’sbreathOrsenseoffeeling,itwillspurnthesod,Andliftitselftoglory,andtoGod。

  Theacornsprouted——weedsnorflowerscanchokeThecertaingrowthofth’upreachingoak。

  Talentwasmine,notGenius;andmymindSeemedboundbychains,andwouldnotleavebehindItsselfishloveandsorrow。

  DidIstriveTopicturesomeemotion,lo!HISeyes,Ofemeraldbeauty,darkasoceandyes,Lookedfromthecanvas:andmyburiedpainRosefromitsgrave,andstoodbymealive。

  Whate’ermysubject,insomehueorline,Thegloriousbeautyofhisfacewouldshine。

  Soforatimemylabourseemedinvain,Sinceitbutfreshened,andmadekeeneryet,Thegriefmyheartwasstrivingtoforget。

  WhileinhisformallstrengthandmagnitudeWithgraceandsupplesinewswereentwined,WhileinhisfaceallbeautieswerecombinedOfperfectfeatures,intellectandtruth,Withallthatfinerichcolouringofyouth,HowcouldmybrushportrayaughtgoodorfairWhereinnofatallikenessshouldintrudeOfhimmysoulhadworshipped?

  But,atlast,Settingawatchuponmyunwiseheart,Thatthuswouldmixitssorrowwithmyart,Iresolutelyshutawaythepast,AndmadethetoilsomepresentpassingbrightWithdreamsofwhatwashiddenfrommysightInthefardistantfuture,whenthesoilShouldyieldmegoldenfruitforallmytoil。

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