Contents:
MaurineAllRoadsthatLeadtoGodareGoodDust—sealed\"Advice\"
OvertheBanistersThePastSecretsApplauseTheStoryLeanDownLifeTheChristian’sNewYearPrayerIntheNightGod’sMeasureAMarchSnowPhilosophy\"Carlos\"
TheTwoGlassesLaMortd’AmourLove’sSleepTrueCultureTheVoluptuaryTheCoquetteIfLove’sBurialLippo\"LoveisEnough\"
LifeisLoveMAURINE
PARTI
Isatandsewed,andsangsometendertune,Oh,beauteouswasthatmorninearlyJune!
Mellowwithsunlight,andwithblossomsfair:
Theclimbingrose—treegrewaboutmethere,AndcheckedwithshadethesunnyporticoWhere,mornslikethis,Icametoread,orsew。
Iheardthegateclick,andafirm,quicktreadUponthewalk。Noneedtoturnmyhead;
Iwouldmistake,anddoubtmyownvoicesounding,Beforehisstepuponthegravelbounding。
Inanunstudiedattitudeofgrace,Hestretchedhiscomelyform;andfromhisfaceHetossedthedark,dampcurls;andatmyknees,Withhisbroadhathefannedthelazybreeze,Andturnedhishead,andliftedhislargeeyes,Ofthatstrangehueweseeinoceandyes,Andcallitbluesometimesandsometimesgreen,Andsaveinpoeteyes,notelsewhereseen。
\"LestIshouldmeetwithmyfairlady’sscorning,Forcallingquitesoearlyinthemorning,I’vebroughtapassportthatcanneverfail,\"
Hesaid,and,laughing,laidthemorningmailUponmylap。\"I’mwelcome?soIthought!
I’llfigurebythelettersthatIbroughtHowgladyouaretoseeme。Onlyone?
Andthatonefromalady?I’mundone!
That,lightlyskimmed,you’llthinkmeSUCHabore,AndwonderwhyIdidnotbringyoufour。
It’severthus:awomancannotgetSomanylettersthatshewillnotfretO’eronethatdidnotcome。\"
\"I’llproveyouwrong,\"
Iansweredgaily,\"hereuponthespot!
Thislittleletter,preciousifnotlong,Isjusttheone,ofallyoumighthavebrought,Topleaseme。Youhaveheardmespeak,I’msure,OfHelenTrevor:shewritesheretosayShe’scomingouttoseeme;andwillstayTillAutumn,maybe。Sheis,likehernote,Petiteanddainty,tender,loving,pure。
You’dknowherbyaletterthatshewrote,Forasweettintedthing。’Tisalwaysso:—
Lettersallblots,thoughfinelywritten,showAslovenlyperson。LettersstiffandwhiteBespeakanaturehonest,plain,upright。
Andtissuey,tinted,perfumednotes,likethis,Tellofacreatureformedtopetandkiss。\"
Mylistenerheardmewithaslow,oddsmile;
Stretchedinabandonatmyfeet,thewhile,Hefannedmeidlywithhisbroad—brimmedhat。
\"Thenallyoungladiesmustbeformedforthat!\"
Helaughed,andsaid。
\"Theirlettersread,andlook,Aslikeastwentycopiesofonebook。
They’rewritteninadainty,spiderscrawl,To’darling,preciousKate,’or’Fan,’or’Moll。’
The’dearest,sweetest’friendtheyeverhad。
Theysaythey’wanttoseeyou,oh,sobad!’
Vowthey’ll’forgetyou,never,NEVER,oh!’
Andthentheytellaboutasplendidbeau—
Alovelyhat——acharmingdress,andsendAlittlescrapofthistoeveryfriend。
Andthentoclose,forlackofsomethingbetter,Theybegyou’ll’readandburnthishorridletter。’\"
Hewatchedme,smiling。HewaspronetovexAndhectormewithflingsuponmysex。
Heliked,hesaid,tohavemeflashandfrown,Sohecouldteaseme,andthenlaughmedown。
Mystormsofwrathamusedhimverymuch:
Helikedtoseemegooffatatouch;
Angerbecameme——mademycolourrise,Andgaveanaddedlustretomyeyes。
Sohewouldtalk——andsohewatchedmenow,Toseethehotflushmantlecheekandbrow。
Instead,Iansweredcoolly,withasmile,Fellingaseamwithutmostcare,meanwhile。
\"ThecaustictongueofVivianDangerfieldIsbarbedasever,formysex,thismorn。
Stillunconvinced,nosmallestpointIyield。
WomanIlove,andtrust,despiteyourscorn。
Thereissometruthinwhatyousay?Well,yes!
Yourstatementsusuallyholdmoreorless。
Somewomenwriteweakletters——(somemendo;)
Somemakeprofessions,knowingthemuntrue。
Andwoman’sfriendship,inthetimeofneed,Iown,toooftenprovesabrokenreed。
ButIbelieve,andeverwillcontend,Womancanbeasisterwoman’sfriend,Givingfromoutherlargeheart’sbounteousstoreAlivinglove——claimingtodonomoreThan,throughandbythatlove,sheknowsshecan:
Andlivingbyherprofessions,LIKEAMAN。
Andsuchatie,truefriendship’ssilkentether,BindsHelenTrevor’sheartandminetogether。
Iloveherforherbeauty,meekness,grace;
Forherwhitelilysoulandangelface。
Shelovesme,formygreaterstrength,maybe;
Loves——andwouldgiveherheart’sbestbloodforme。
AndI,tosaveherfromapain,orcross,Wouldsufferanysacrificeorloss。
Suchcanbewoman’sfriendshipforanother。
Couldmangivemore,oraskmorefromabrother?\"
Ipaused:andVivianleanedhismassiveheadAgainstthepillaroftheportico,Smiledhisslow,scepticsmile,thenlaughed,andsaid:
\"Nay,surelynot——ifwhatyousaybeso。
You’vemadeastatement,butnoproof’sathand。
Wait——donotflashyoureyesso!UnderstandIthinkyouquitesincereinwhatyousay:
Youloveyourfriend,andshelovesyou,to—day;
ButfriendshipisnotfriendshipatthebestTillcircumstancesputittothetest。
Man’s,lessdemonstrative,standsstrainandtear,Whilewoman’s,halfprofession,failstowear。
Twowomenloveeachotherpassingwell—
SayHelenTrevorandMaurineLaPelle,Justforexample。
LetthemdailymeetAtballandconcert,inthechurchandstreet,Theykissandcoo,theyvisit,chat,caress;
Theirloveincreases,ratherthangrowsless;
Andallgoeswell,till’Helendear’discoversThat’Maurinedarling’winstoomanylovers。
Andthenher’preciousfriend,’her’pet,’her’sweet,’
Becomesa’minx,’a’creaturealldeceit。’
LetHelensmiletoooftonMaurine’sbeaux,Orwearmorestylishorbecomingclothes,Orsportahatthathasalongerfeather—
Andlo!thestrainhasbroken’friendship’stether。’
Maurine’ssweetsmilebecomesafrownorpout;
’She’sjustbeguntofindthatHelenout。’
Thebreachgrowswider——angerfillseachheart;
Theydriftasunder,whom’butdeathcouldpart。’
Youshakeyourhead?Oh,well,we’llneverknow!
ItisnotlikelyFatewilltestyouso。
You’lllive,andlove;and,meetingtwiceayear,Whilelifeshalllast,you’llholdeachotherdear。
Iprayitmaybeso;itwerenotbestToshakeyourfaithinwomanbythetest。
Keepyourbelief,andnurseitwhileyoucan。
I’vefaithinwoman’sfriendshiptoo——forman!
They’retrueassteel,asmothers,friends,andwives:
Andthat’senoughtoblessusallourlives。
Thatman’saselfishfellow,andabore,Whoisunsatisfiedandasksformore。\"
\"Butthereisneedofmore!\"Iherebrokein。
\"Iholdthatwomanguiltyofasin,Whowouldnotclingto,anddefendanother,Asnoblyasshewouldstandbyabrother。
Whowouldnotsufferforasister’ssake,And,werethereneedtoproveherfriendship,make’Mostanysacrifice,norcountthecost。
WhowouldnotdothisforafriendislostToeverynoblerprinciple。\"
\"Shame,shame!\"
CriedVivian,laughing,\"foryounowdefameThewholesweetsex;sincethere’snotonewoulddoThethingyouname,norwouldIwantherto。
Ilovethesex。Mymotherwasawoman—
Ihopemywifewillbe,andwhollyhuman。
Andifshewantstomakesomesacrifice,I’llthinkherfarmoresensibleandwiseToletherhusbandreapthebenefit,Insteadofsomeoldmaidorsenselesschit。
Selfish?Ofcourse!Iholdallloveisso:
AndIshalllovemywiferightwell,Iknow。
Nowthere’sapointregardingselfishlove,Youthirsttoarguewithme,anddisprove。
Butsincethesecosyhourswillsoonbegone,Andallourmeetingsbrokeninupon,NomoreoftheseraremomentsmustbespentInvaindiscussions,orinargument。
IwishMissTrevorwasin——Jericho!
(Youseetheselfishnessbeginstoshow。)
Shewantstoseeyou?——SodoI:butsheWillgainherwish,bytakingyoufromme。
’Comeallthesame?’thatmeansI’llbeallowedTorealizethat’threecanmakeacrowd。’
Idonotliketofeelmyselfdetrop。
WithtwogirlcronieswouldInotbeso?
Myringwouldinterruptsomeprivatechat。
You’daskmeinandtakemycaneandhat,Andspeakaboutthelovelysummerday,Andthink——’Thelout!Iwishhe’dkeptaway。’
MissTrevor’dsmile,butjusttohideapoutAndcountthemomentstillIwasshownout。
And,whileItwirledmythumbs,IwouldsitwishingThatIhadgoneoffhuntingbirds,orfishing,No,thanks,Maurine!TheironhandofFate,(OrotherwiseMissTrevor’sdaintyfingers,)
WillbarmyentranceintoEden’sgate;
AndIshallbelikesomepoorsoulthatlingersAtheaven’sportal,payingthepriceofsin,Yethopingtobepardonedandletin。\"
Helookedsomelancholysittingthere,Ilaughedoutright。\"Howwellyouactapart;
Youlooktheverypictureofdespair!
You’vemissedyourcalling,sir!supposeyoustartUponastarringtour,andcarveyournameWithBooth’sandBarrett’sontheheightsofFameButnow,tabooingnonsense,IshallsendForyoutohelpmeentertainmyfriend,Unlessyoucomewithoutit。’Cronies?’True,Wantingour’privatechats’ascroniesdo。
Andwe’lltakethose,whileyouarereadingGreek,Orwriting’LinestoDora’sbrow’or’cheek。’
Butwhenyouhaveanhourortwoofleisure,Callasyounowdo,andaffordlikepleasure。
Forneveryetdidheaven’ssunshineon,Orstarsdiscover,thatphenomenon,Inanycountry,orinanyclime:
Twomaidssobound,bytiesofmindandheart,TheydidnotfeeltheheavyweightoftimeInweeksofsceneswhereinnomantookpart。
Godmadethesexestoassociate:
Norlawofman,norsterndecreeofFate,CaneverundowhatHishandhasdone,And,quitealone,makehappyeitherone。
MyHelenisanonlychild:—apetOflovingparents:andsheneveryetHasbeendeniedoneboonforwhichshepleaded。
Afragilething,herlightestwishwasheeded。
Wouldshepluckroses?Theymustfirstbeshorn,Bycarefulhands,ofeveryhatefulthorn,AndlovingeyesmustscanthepathwaywhereHerfeetmaytread,toseenostonesarethere。
She’llgrowdullhere,inthissecludednook,UnlessyouaidmeinthepleasanttaskOfentertaining。Dropinwithyourbook—
Read,talk,singforhersometimes。WhatIask,Doonce,topleaseme:thenthere’llbenoneedFormetostatethecaseagain,orplead。
There’snothinglikeawoman’sgraceandbeautyTowakenmankindtoasenseofduty。\"
\"Ibowbeforethemandateofmyqueen:
Yourslightestwishislaw,MaBelleMaurine,\"
Heanswered,smiling,\"I’matyourcommand;
Pointbutonelilyfinger,oryourwand,Andyouwillfindawillingslaveobeying。
Theregoesmydinnerbell!IhearitsayingI’vespenttwohourshere,lyingatyourfeet,Notprofitable,maybe——surelysweet。
Alltimeismoney;nowwereItomeasureThetimeIspendherebyitssolidpleasure,Andthatwerecoinedindollars,thenI’velaidEachdayafortuneatyourfeet,fairmaid。
Theregoesthatbellagain!I’llsaygood—bye,Orcloudswillshadowmydomesticsky。
I’llcomeagain,asyouwouldhavemedo,Andseeyourfriend,whilesheisseeingyou。
That’slikebyproxybeingatafeast;
Unsatisfactory,tosaytheleast。\"
Hedrewhisfineshapeup,andtrodthelandWithkinglygrace。Passingthegate,hishandHelightlyplacedthegardenwallupon,Leapedoverlikealeopard,andwasgone。
And,going,tookthebrightnessfromtheplace,YetlefttheJunedaywithasweetergrace,Andmyyoungsoul,sosteepedinhappydreams,Heavenitselfseemedshowntomeingleams。
Thereisatimewithlovers,whentheheartFirstslowlyrousesfromitsdreamlesssleep,Toallthetumultofapassionlife,Ereyethavewakenedjealousyandstrife。
Justasayoung,untutoredchildwillstartOutofalonghour’sslumber,soundanddeep,Andlieandsmilewithrosylipsandcheeks,Inasweet,restfultrance,beforeitspeaks。
Atimewhenyetnowordthespellhasbroken,Savewhattheheartuntothesoulhasspoken,Inquickenedthrobs,andsighsbuthalfsuppressedAtimewhenthatsweettruth,allunconfessed,Givesaddedfragrancetothesummerflowers,Agoldenglorytothepassinghours,Ahopefulbeautytotheplainestface,Andlendstolifeanewandtendergrace。
Whenthefullhearthasclimbedtheheightsofbliss,And,smiling,looksbacko’erthegoldenpast,IthinkitfindsnosweeterhourthanthisInalllove—life。For,later,whenthelastTranslucentdropo’erflowsthecupofjoy,Andlove,moremightythantheheart’scontrol,Surgesinwordsofpassionfromthesoul,Andvowsareaskedandgiven,shadowsriseLikemistsbeforethesuninnoondayskies,Vaguefears,thatprovethebrimmingcup’salloy;
Adreadofchange——thecrowningmoment’scurse,Sincewhatisperfect,changebutrendersworse:
AvaindesiretocrippleTime,whogoesBearingourjoysaway,andbringingwoes。
Andlater,doubtsandjealousiesawaken,Andplightedheartsaretempest—tossedandshaken。
Doubtsendsatest,thatgoesasteptoofar,Awoundismade,that,healing,leavesascar,Oroneheart,fullwithlove’ssweetsatisfaction,Thinkstruthoncespokenalwaysunderstood,WhileoneispiningforthetenderactionAndwhisperedwordbywhich,ofold,’twaswooed。
Butthisblesthour,inlove’sglad,goldenday,Islikethedawning,eretheradiantrayOfglowingSolhasburstupontheeye,Butyetisheraldedinearthandsky,Warmwithitsfervour,mellowwithitslight,WhileCarestillslumbersinthearmsofnight。
ButHope,awake,hearshappybirdlingssing,Andthinksofallasummerdaymaybring。
Inthissweetcalm,myyoungheartlayatrest,Filledwithablissfulsenseofpeace;norguessedThatsullencloudsweregatheringintheskiesTohidetheglorioussun,ereitshouldrise。
PARTII
TolittlebirdsthatnevertireofhummingAboutthegardeninthesummerweather,AuntRuthcomparedus,afterHelen’scoming,Aswetworoamed,orsatandtalkedtogether。
Twelvemonthsapart,wehadsomuchtosayOfschooldaysgone——andtimesincepassedaway;
Ofthatoldfriend,andthis;ofwhatwe’ddone;
Ofhowourseparatepathsinlifehadrun;
Ofwhatwewoulddo,inthecomingyears;
Ofplansandcastles,hopesanddreamsandfears。
Allthese,andmore,assoonaswefoundspeech,Wetouchedupon,andskimmedfromthistothat。
Butatthefirsteachonlygazedoneach,And,dumbwithjoy,thatdidnotneedavoiceLikelesserjoys,tosay,\"Lo!Irejoice,\"
WithsmilingeyesandclaspinghandswesatWrappedinthatpeace,feltbutwiththosedear,Contentedjusttoknoweachothernear。
ButwhenthissilenteloquencegaveplaceTowords,’twasliketherisingofafloodAboveadam。Wesatthere,facetoface,Andletourtalkglideonwhere’eritwould,Speechneverhaltinginitsspeedorzest,Savewhenourripplinglaughterletitrest;
JustasastreamwillsometimespauseandplayAboutabubblingspring,thendashaway。
Nowonder,then,thethirdday’ssunwasnighUptothezenithwhenmyfriendandI
Openedoureyesfromslumberlonganddeep:
NaturedemandingrecompenseforhoursSpentintheportico,amongtheflowers,Halvesoftwonightsweshouldhavespentinsleep。
Sothisthirdday,webreakfastedatone:
Thenwalkedaboutthegardeninthesun,Hearingthethrushesandtherobinssing,Andlookingtoseewhatbudswereopening。
Theclockchimedthree,andweyetstrayedatwillAbouttheyardinmorningdishabille,WhenAuntRuthcame,withaprono’erherhead,Holdingaletterinherhand,andsaid,\"Hereisanote,fromVivianIopine;
Atleasthisservantbroughtit。Andnow,girls,Youmaythinkthisisnoconcernofmine,ButinmydayyoungladiesdidnotgoTillalmostbed—timeroamingtoandfroInmorningwrappers,andwithtangledcurls,Theverypicturesofforlorndistress。
’Tisthreeo’clock,andtimeforyoutodress。
Come!readyournoteandhurryin,Maurine,Andmakeyourselffitobjecttobeseen。\"
Helenwasbendingo’eranalmondbush,AndereshelookedupIhadreadthenote,Andcalmedmyheart,that,bounding,sentaflushTobrowandcheek,atsightofaughtHEwrote。
\"MaBelleMaurine:\"(soVivian’sbilletran,)
\"IsitnottimeIsawyourcherishedguest?
’Pitythesorrowsofapooryoungman,’
Banishedfromallthatmakesexistenceblest。
I’mdyingtosee——yourfriend;andIwillcomeAndpayrespects,hopingyou’llbeathomeTo—nightateight。Expectantly,V。D。\"
InsidemybeltIslippedthebillet,saying,\"Helen,gomakeyourselfmostfairtosee:
Quick!hurrynow!notimeformoredelaying!
Injustfivehoursacallerwillbehere,Andyoumustlookyourprettiest,mydear!
Beginyourtoiletrightaway。IknowHowlongittakesyoutoarrangeeachbow—
Totwisteachcurl,andloopyourskirtsaright。
Andyoumustproveyouareaufaitto—night,Andmakeaperfecttoilet:forourcallerIsman,andcritic,poet,artist,scholar,Andviewswitheyesofall。\"
\"Oh,oh!Maurine,\"
CriedHelenwithawell—feignedlookoffear,\"You’vefrightenedmesoIshallnotappear:
I’llhideaway,refusingtobeseenBysuchanogre。Woeisme!bereftOfallmyfriends,mypeacefulhomeI’veleft,AndstrayedawayintothedreadfulwoodTomeetthefateofpoorRedRidingHood。
No,Maurine,no!you’vegivenmesuchafright,I’llnotgonearyouruglywolfto—night。\"
Meantimewe’dleftthegarden;andIstoodInHelen’sroom,whereshehadthrownherselfUponacouch,andlay,awinsomeelf,Poutingandsmiling,cheekuponherarm,Notintheleastaportraitofalarm。
\"Now,sweet!\"Icoaxed,andkneltbyher,\"begood!
Gocurlyourhair;andpleaseyourownMaurine,Byputtingonthatlovelygrenadine。
Notwolf,norogre,neitherCaliban,NorMephistopheles,you’llmeetto—night,Butwhattheladiescall’aniceyoungman’!
Yetoneworthknowing——strongwithhealthandmightOfperfectmanhood;gifted,noble,wise;
Movingamonghiskindwithlovingeyes,Andhelpfulhand;progressive,brave,refined,AftertheimageofhisMaker’smind。\"
\"Now,now,Maurine!\"criedHelen,\"IbelieveItisyourlovercomingherethiseve。
Whyhaveyouneverwrittenofhim,pray?
Isthedayset?——andwhen?Say,Maurine,say!\"
HadIbetrayedbysometooferventwordThesecretlovethatallmybeingstirred?
Mylover?Ay!Myheartproclaimedhimso;
ButfirstHISlipsmustwinthesweetconfession,EreevenHelenbeallowedtoknow。
ImuststraightwayerasetheslightimpressionMadebythewordsjustuttered。
\"Foolishchild!\"
Igailycried,\"yourfancy’sstrayingwild。
JustletagirlofeighteenhearthenameOfmaidandyouthutteredaboutonetime,Andoffherfancygoes,atbreak—neckpace,Defyingcircumstances,reason,space—
AndstraightwaybuildsromancessosublimeTheyputallShakespeare’sdramastotheshame。
ThisVivianDangerfieldisneighbour,friend,Andkindcompanion;bringingbooksandflowers。
And,byhisthoughtfulactionswithoutend,Helpingmepasssomeotherwiselonghours;
Buthehasneverbreathedawordoflove。
Ifyoustilldoubtme,listenwhileIproveMystatementbytheletterthathewrote。
’Dyingtomeet——myfriend!’(shecouldnotseeThedashbetweenthatmeantsomuchtome)。
’Willcomethiseve,ateight,andhopeswemayBeintogreethim。’NowIthinkyou’llsay’Tisnotmuchlikealover’stendernote。\"
Welaugh,wejest,notmeaningwhatwesay;
Wehideourthoughts,bylightwordslightlyspoken,Andpassonheedless,tillwefindonedayThey’vebruisedourhearts,orleftsomeotherbroken。
Isoughtmyroom,andtrillingsomeblitheair,Openedmywardrobe,wonderingwhattowear。
Momentousquestion!femininelyhuman!
Morethanallothers,vexingmindofwoman,Sincethatsadday,wheninherdiscontent,Tosearchforleaves,ourfairfirstmotherwent。
AllundecidedwhatIshouldputon,AtlengthImadeselectionofalawn—
White,withatinypinkvineoverrun:—
Mysimplestrobe,butVivian’sfavouriteone。
Andplacingasingleflowretinmyhair,IcrossedthehalltoHelen’schamber,whereIfoundherwithherfairlocksallletdown,Brushingthekinksout,withaprettyfrown。
’Twaslikeapicture,orapleasingplay,Towatchhermakehertoilet。Shewouldstand,Andturnherheadfirstthis,andthenthatway,Tryingeffectofribbon,boworband。
Thenshewouldpickupsomethingelse,andcurveHerlovelyneck,withcunning,bird—likegrace,Andwatchthemirrorwhilesheputiton,Withsuchasweetlygraveandthoughtfulface;
AndthentoviewitallwouldswayandswerveHerlitheyoungbody,likeagracefulswan。
Helenwasovermediumheight,andslenderEventofrailty。Hergreat,wistfuleyesWerelikethedeepblueofautumnalskies;
Andthroughthemlookedhersoul,large,loving,tender。
Herlong,lighthairwaslustreless,exceptUpontheends,whereburnishedsunbeamsslept,Andontheearlocks;andsheloopedthecurlsBackwithashellcomb,studdedthickwithpearls,Costlyyetsimple。Herpaleloveliness,Thatnight,washeightenedbyherrich,blackdress,Thattrailedbehindher,leavinghalfinsightHertaperarms,andshouldersmarblewhite。
IwasnottallasHelen,andmyfaceWasshapedandcolouredlikemygrandsire’srace;
Forthroughhisveinsmyownreceivedthewarm,RedbloodofSouthernFrance,whichcurvedmyform,Andgloweduponmycheekincrimsondyes,Andbronzedmyhair,anddarkledinmyeyes。
Andasthemorningtrailstheskirtsofnight,Andduskynightputsonthegarbofmorn,Andwalktogetherwhenthedayisborn,Sowetwoglideddownthehallandstair,Armclaspingarm,intotheparlour,whereSatVivian,bathedinsunset’sgorgeouslight。
Herosetogreetus。Oh!hisformwasgrand;
Andhepossessedthatpower,strange,occult,Calledmagnetism,lackingbetterword,Whichmovestheworld,achievinggreatresultWheregeniusfailscompletely。Touchhishand,Itthrilledthroughallyourbeing——meethiseye,Andyouweremoved,yetknewnothow,orwhy。
Lethimbutrise,youfelttheairwasstirredByanelectriccurrent。
ThisstrangeforceIsmightierthangenius。Rightlyused,Itleadstograndachievements;allthingsyieldBeforeitsmysticpresence,anditsfieldIsbroadasearthandheaven。Butabused,Itsweepslikeapoisonsimoononitscourse,Bearingmiasmainitsscorchingbreath,Andleavingallittouchesstruckwithdeath。
Far—reachingscienceshallyettearawayThemysticgarbthathidesitfromtheday,Anddragitforthandbinditwithitslaws,Andmakeitservethepurposesofmen,Guidedbycommon—senseandreason。ThenWe’llhearnomoreofseance,table—rapping,Andallthattrash,o’erwhichtheworldisgaping,Lostineffect,whilescienceseeksthecause。
Vivianwasnotconsciousofhispower:
Or,ifhewas,knewnotitsfullextent。
Heknewhisglancewouldmakeawildbeastcower,AndyetheknewnotthathislargeeyessentIntotheheartofwomanthesamethrillThatmadethelionservantofhiswill。
Andevenstrongmenfeltit。
Hearose,Reachedforthhishand,andinitclaspedmyown,WhileIheldHelen’s;andhespokesomewordOfpleasantgreetinginhislow,roundtone,UnlikeallothervoicesIhaveheard。
Justasthewhitecloud,atthesunrise,glowsWithroseatecolours,sothepallidhueOfHelen’scheek,liketintedsea—shellsgrew。
Throughmine,hishandcausedherstotremble;suchWastheall—mast’ringmagicofhistouch。
Thenwesatdown,andtalkedabouttheweather,Theneighbourhood——someauthor’slastnewbook。
But,whenIcould,IleftthetwotogetherTomakeacquaintance,sayingImustlookAfterthechickens——myespecialcare;
Andranawayandleftthem,laughing,there。
Knee—deep,throughclover,tothepoplargrove,Iwaded,wheremypetswerewonttorove:
AndthereIfoundthefoolishmotherhenBroodingherchickensunderneathatree,Aneasypreyforfoxes。\"Chick—a—dee,\"
QuothI,whilereachingforthedownythingsThat,chirping,peepedfromoutthemother—wings,\"Howveryhumanisyourfolly!WhenTherewaitsahaven,pleasant,bright,andwarm,AndonetoleadyouthitherfromthestormAndlurkingdangers,yetyouturnaway,And,thinkingtobeyourownprotector,strayIntotheopenjawsofdeath:for,see!
AnowlissittinginthisverytreeYouthoughtsafeshelter。Gonowtoyourpen。\"
And,followedbytheclucking,clamoroushen,Solikethehumanmotherhereagain,Moaningbecauseastrong,protectingarmWouldshieldherlittleonesfromcoldandharm,IcarriedbackmygardenhatbrimfulOfchirpingchickens,likewhiteballsofwoolAndsnuglyhousedthem。
AndjustthenIheardAsoundlikegentlewindsamongthetrees,Orpleasantwatersinthesummer,stirredAndsetinmotionbyapassingbreeze。
’TwasHelensinging:and,asIdrewnear,Anothervoice,atenorfullandclear,Mingledwithhers,asmurmuringstreamsunite,Andflowonstrongerintheirweddedmight。
ItwasawayofHelen’s,nottosingThesongsthatotherpeoplesang。ShetookSometimesanextractfromanancientbook;
Againsomefloating,fragmentarything。
Andsuchshefittedtooldmelodies,Orelsecomposedthemusic。OneoftheseShesangthatnight;andViviancaughtthestrain,Andjoinedherinthechorus,orrefrain,SONG。
Ohthou,mineother,strongerpart!
WhomyetIcannothear,orsee,Comethou,andtakethislovingheart,Thatlongstoyielditsalltothee,Icallmineown——oh,cometome!
Love,answerback,Icometothee,Icometothee。
Thishungryheart,sowarm,solarge,Isfartoogreatacareforme。
IhavegrownwearyofthechargeIkeepsosacredlyforthee。
Comethou,andtakemyheartfromme。
Love,answerback,Icometothee,Icometothee。
Iama—weary,waitinghereForonewhotarrieslongfromme。
Oh!artthoufar,orartthounear?
AndmustIstillbesadforthee?
Orwiltthoustraightwaycometome?
Love,answer,Iamneartothee,Icometothee。
Themelody,sofullofplaintivechords,Sobbedintosilence——echoingdownthestringsLikevoiceofonewhowalksfromus,andsings。
VivianhadleanedupontheinstrumentThewhiletheysang。But,ashespokethosewords,\"Love,Iamneartothee,Icometothee,\"
Heturnedhisgrandheadslowlyround,andbentHislustrous,soulful,speakinggazeonme。
Andmyyoungheart,eagertoownitsking,Senttomyeyesagreat,glad,trustfullightOfloveandfaith,andhunguponmycheekHope’srose—huedflag。TherewasnoneedtospeakIcrossedtheroom,andkneltbyHelen。\"SingThatsongyousangafragmentofonenightOutontheporch,beginning,’Praisemenot,’\"
Iwhispered:andhersweetandplaintivetoneRose,lowandtender,asifshehadcaughtFromsomesadpassingbreeze,andmadeherown,Theechoofthewind—harp’ssighingstrain,Orthesoftmusicofthefallingrain。
SONG。
Opraisemenotwithyourlips,dearone!
ThoughyourtenderwordsIprize。
ButdearerbyfaristhesoulfulgazeOfyoureyes,yourbeautifuleyes,Yourtender,lovingeyes。
Ochidemenotwithyourlips,dearone!
ThoughIcauseyourbosomsighs。
YoucanmakerepentancedeeperfarByyoursad,reprovingeyes,Yoursorrowful,troubledeyes。
Words,atthebest,arebuthollowsounds;
Above,inthebeamingskies,Theconstantstarssayneveraword,Butonlysmilewiththeireyes—
Smileonwiththeirlustrouseyes。
Thenbreathenovowwithyourlips,dearone;
Onthewingedwindspeechflies。
ButIreadthetruthofyournobleheartInyoursoulful,speakingeyes—
Inyourdeepandbeautifuleyes。
Thetwilightdarkened,roundus,intheroom,WhileHelensang;and,inthegatheringgloom,Vivianreachedout,andtookmyhandinhis,Andhelditso;whileHelenmadetheairLanguidwithmusic。Thenastepdrewnear,AndvoiceofAuntRuthbrokethespell:
\"Dear!dear!
Why,Maurie,Helen,children!howisthis?
Ihearyou,butyouhavenolightinthere。
YourroomisdarkasEgypt。WhatawayForfolkstovisit!Maurie,go,Ipray,Andorderlamps。\"
Andsotherecamealight,AndallthesweetdreamshoveringaroundThetwilightshadowsflittedinaffright:
Ande’enthemusichadaharshersound。
Inpleasantconversepassedanhouraway:
AndVivianplannedapicnicfornextday—
Adrivethenext,andrambleswithoutend,Thathemighthelpmeentertainmyfriend。
Andthenherose,bowedlow,andpassedfromsight,Likesomegreatstarthatdropsoutfromthenight;
AndHelenwatchedhimthroughtheshadowsgo,Andturnedandsaid,hervoicesubduedandlow,\"Howtallheis!inallmylife,Maurine,AgrandermanIneveryethaveseen。\"
PARTIII
Onegoldentwelfth—partofacheckeredyear;
Onesummermonth,ofsunlight,moonlight,mirth,Withnotahintofshadowslurkingnear,Orstorm—cloudsbrewing。
’Twasaroyalday:
VoluptuousJulyheldherlover,Earth,Withherwarmarms,uponherglowingbreast,Andtwinedherselfabouthim,ashelaySmilingandpantinginhisdream—stirredrest。
Sheboundhimwithherlimbsofperfectgrace,Andhidhimwithhertrailingrobeofgreen,Andwoundhiminherlonghair’sshimmeringsheen,Andrainedherardentkissesonhisface。
ThroughthegladgloryofthesummerlandHelenandIwentwandering,handinhand。
Inwindingpaths,hardbytheripewheat—field,Whitewiththepromiseofabounteousyield,Acrossthelateshornmeadow——downthehill,Redwiththetiger—lilyblossoms,tillWestooduponthebordersofthelake,Thatlikeapretty,placidinfant,sleptLowatitsbase:andlittleripplescreptAlongitssurface,justasdimpleschaseEachothero’eraninfant’ssleepingface。
HeleninidlehourshadlearnedtomakeAthousandpretty,feminineknick—knacks:
Forbrackets,ottomans,andtoiletstands—
Labourjustsuitedtoherdaintyhands。
Thatmorningshehadbeenatworkinwax,Mouldingawreathofflowersformyroom,—
Takingherpatternsfromthelivingblows,Inalltheirdewybeautyandsweetbloom,Freshfrommygarden。Fuchsia,tulip,rose,Andtrailingivy,grewbeneathhertouch,ResemblingthelivingplantsasmuchAslifeiscopiedintheformofdeath:
Theselackingbuttheperfume,andthat,breath。
Andnowthewreathwasallcompleted,saveThemermaidblossomofallflowerdom,Awater—lily,drippingfromthewave。
And’twasinsearchofitthatwehadcomeDowntothelake,andwanderedonthebeach,Toseeifanyliliesgrewinreach。
Somebrokenstalks,whereflowerslatehadbeen;
Somebuds,withalltheirbeautiesfoldedin,Wefound,butnotthetreasurethatwesought。
AndthenweturnedourfootstepstothespotWhere,allimpatientofitschain,myboat,TheSwan,rocked,askingtobesetafloat。
Itwasadaintyrow—boat——strong,yetlight;
Eachsideaswanwaspaintedsnowywhite:
Apresentfrommyuncle,justbeforeHesailed,withDeath,tothatmysteriousstrand,Wherefreightedshipsgosailingevermore,Butnonereturntotellusoftheland。
IfreedtheSwan,andslowlyrowedabout,Whereversea—weeds,grass,orgreenleavesliftedTheirtipsabovethewater。Sowedrifted,WhileHelen,opposite,leanedidlyoutAndwatchedforliliesinthewavesbelow,Andsoftlycroonedsomesweetanddreamyair,Thatsoothedmelikeamother’slullabies。
Idroppedtheoars,andclosedmysun—kissedeyes,Andlettheboatgodriftinghereandthere。
Oh,happyday!thelastofthatbrieftimeOfthoughtlessyouth,whenalltheworldseemsbright,ErethatdisguisedangelmencallWoeLeadsthesadheartthroughvalleysdarkasnight,Uptotheheightsexaltedandsublime。
Oneachblest,happymoment,IamfainTolingerlong,ereIpassontopainAndsorrowthatsucceeded。
Fromday—dreams,Asgoldenasthesummernoontide’sbeams,Iwasawakenedbyavoicethatcried:
\"Strangeship,ahoy!Fairfrigate,whitherbound?\"
And,startingup,Icastmygazearound,Andsawasail—boato’erthewaterglideClosetotheSwan,likesomelivethingofgrace;
Andfromitlookedtheglowing,handsomefaceOfVivian。
\"Beauteoussirensofthesea,Comesailacrosstheragingmainwithme!\"
Helaughed;andleaning,drewourdriftingboatBesidehisown。\"There,now!stepin!\"hesaid;
\"I’lllandyouanywhereyouwanttogo—
Myboatissaferfarthanyours,Iknow:
Andmuchmorepleasantwithitssailsallspread。
TheSwan?We’lltaketheoars,andletitfloatAshoreatleisure。You,Maurine,sitthere—
MissHelenhere。Yegodsandlittlefishes!
I’vereachedtheheightofpleasure,andmywishes。
Adieudespondency!farewelltocare!\"
’Twasdonesoquickly:thatwasVivian’sway。
Hedidnotwaitforeitheryeaornay。
Hegavecommands,andleftyouwithnochoiceButjusttodothebiddingofhisvoice。
Hisrare,kindsmile,lowtones,andmanlyfaceLenttohisquickimperiousnessagraceAndwinningcharm,completelystrippingitOfwhatmightotherwisehaveseemedunfit。
Leavingnotraceoftyranny,butjustThatnamelessforcethatseemedtosay,\"Youmust。\"
SuitingitsprettytitleoftheDawn,(Sonamed,hesaid,thatitmightrhymewithSwan),Vivian’ssail—boatwascarpetedwithblue,Whileallitssailswereofapalerosehue。
Thedaintiestcraftthatflirtedwiththebreeze;
Apoet’sfancyinanhourofease。
WhateverVivianhadwasofthebest。
HisroomwaslikesomeSultan’sintheEast。
Hisboardwasalwaysspreadasforafeast,Whereat,eachmeal,hewasbothhostandguest。
Hewouldgohungrysoonerthanhe’ddineAthisowntableif’twereillyset。
Hesolovedthingsartisticindesign—
Orderandbeauty,allabouthim。YetSokindhewas,ifitbefellhislotTodinewithinthehumblepeasant’scot,Hemadeitseemhisnativesoiltobe,Andthusdisplayedthetruegentility。
UndertherosybannersoftheDawn,Aroundthelakewedriftedon,andon。
Itwasatimefordreams,andnotforspeech。
Andsowefloatedoninsilence,eachWeavingthefanciessuitingsuchaday。
Helenleanedidlyo’erthesail—boat’sside,Anddippedherrosyfingersinthetide;
AndIamongthecushionshalfreclined,Halfsat,andwatchedthefleecycloudsatplay,WhileVivianwithhisblank—book,opposite,Inwhichheseemedtoeithersketchorwrite,Waslostininspirationofsomekind。
Notime,nochange,noscene,cane’ereffaceMymind’simpressionofthathourandplace;
Itstandsoutlikeapicture。O’ertheyears,Blackwiththeirrobesofsorrow——veiledwithtears,Lyingwithalltheirlengthenedshapesbetween,Untouched,undimmed,Istillbeholdthatscene。
JustasthelastofIndian—summerdays,Repletewithsunlight,crownedwithamberhaze,FollowedbydarkanddesolateDecember,Throughallthemonthsofwinterweremember。
Thesunslippedwestward。ThatpeculiarchangeWhichcreepsintotheair,andspeaksofnightWhileyetthedayisfullofgoldenlight,Wefeltstealo’erus。
VivianbrokethespellOfdream—fraughtsilence,throwingdownhisbook:
\"Youngladies,pleaseallowmetoarrangeThesewrapsaboutyourshoulders。IknowwellTheficklenatureofouratmosphere,—
Hersmileswiftfollowedbyafrownortear,—
Andgopreparedforchanges。Nowyoulook,Like——like——oh,where’saprettysimile?
Hadyouapocketmirrorhereyou’dseeHowwellmynativetalentisdisplayedInshawlingyou。Redonthebrunettemaid;
Blueontheblonde——andquitewithoutdesign(Oh,whereISthatcomparisonofmine?)
Well——likeaJuneroseandavioletblueInonebouquet!Ifancythatwilldo。
AndnowIcraveyourpatienceandaboon,Whichistolisten,whileIreadmyrhyme,Afloatingfancyofthesummertime。
’Tisneitherwitty,wonderful,norwise,Solistenkindly——butdon’tcriticiseMymaideneffortoftheafternoon:
\"IfalltheshipsIhaveatseaShouldcomea—sailinghometome,Ah,well!theharbourcouldnotholdSomanysailsastherewouldbeIfallmyshipscameinfromsea。
\"Ifhalfmyshipscamehomefromsea,Andbroughttheirpreciousfreighttome,Ah,well!IshouldhavewealthasgreatAsanykingwhositsinstate—
SorichthetreasuresthatwouldbeInhalfmyshipsnowoutatsea。
\"IfjustoneshipIhaveatseaShouldcomea—sailinghometome,Ah,well!thestorm—cloudsthenmightfrown:
ForiftheothersallwentdownStillrichandproudandgladI’dbe,Ifthatoneshipcamebacktome。
\"Ifthatoneshipwentdownatsea,Andalltheotherscametome,Weigheddownwithgemsandwealthuntold,Withglory,honour,riches,gold,ThepoorestsoulonearthI’dbeIfthatoneshipcamenottome。
\"Oskiesbecalm!Owindsblowfree—
Blowallmyshipssafehometome。
Butifthousendestsomea—wrackTonevermorecomesailingback,Sendany——allthatskimthesea,Butbringmylove—shiphometome。\"
Helenwasleaningbyme,andherheadRestedagainstmyshoulder:asheread,Istrokedherhair,andwatchedthefleecyskies,Andwhenhefinished,didnotturnmyeyes。
IfelttoohappyandtooshytomeetHisgazejustthen。Isaid,\"’Tisverysweet,Andsuitstheday;doesitnot,Helen,dear?\"
ButHelen,voiceless,didnotseemtohear。
\"’Tisstrange,\"Iadded,\"howyoupoetssingSofeelinglyabouttheverythingYoucarenotfor!anddressupanidealSowell,itlooksaliving,breathingreal!
Now,toalistener,yourlovesongseemedAheart’sout—pouring;yetI’veheardyousayAlmosttheopposite;orthatyoudeemedPosition,honour,glory,power,fame,Gainedwithoutlossofconscienceorgoodname,Thethingstolivefor。\"
\"Haveyou?Well,youmay,\"
LaughedVivian,\"but’twasyears——ormonths’ago!
AndSolomonsayswisemenchange,youknow!
Inowspeaktruth!ifsheIholdmostdearSlippedfrommylife,andnoleasthopewereleft,MyheartwouldfindtheyearsmorelonelyhereThanifIwereofwealth,fame,friends,bereft,Andsent,anexile,toaforeignland。\"
Hisvoicewaslow,andmeasured:ashespoke,New,unknownchordsofmelodyawokeWithinmysoul。IfeltmyheartexpandWiththatsweetfulnessbornoflove。IturnedTohidetheblushesonmycheekthatburned,AndleaningoverHelen,breathedhername。
ShelaysomotionlessIthoughtsheslept:
But,asIspoke,Isawhereyesunclose,Ando’erherfaceasuddengloryswept,Andaslighttremorthrilledallthroughherframe。
\"Sweetfriend,\"Isaid,\"yourfaceisfulloflightWhatwerethedreamsthatmadeyoureyessobright?\"
Sheonlysmiledforanswer,andaroseFromherrecliningpostureatmyside,Threwbacktheclust’ringringletsfromherfaceWithaquickgesture,fullofeasygrace,And,turning,spoketoVivian。\"WillyouguideTheboatupnearthatlittleclumpofgreenOfftotheright?There’swheretheliliesgrow。
Wequiteforgotourerrandhere,Maurine,Andourfewmomentshavegrownintohours。
WhatwillAuntRuththinkofourling’ringso?
There——thatwilldo——nowIcanreachtheflowers。\"
\"Hark!justhearthat!\"andVivianbrokeforthsinging,\"’Row,brothers,row。’Thesixo’clockbell’sringing!
WhoeverknewthreehourstogosofastInalltheannalsoftheworld,before?
Icouldhaveswornnotoveronehadpassed。
Youngladies,Iamforcedtogoashore!
Ithankyouforthepleasureyouhavegiven;
Thisafternoonhasbeenaglimpseofheaven。
Good—night——sweetdreams!andbyyourgraciousleave,I’llpaymycomplimentsto—morroweve。\"
Asmile,abow,andhehadgonehisway:
And,inthewaninggloryoftheday,Downcool,greenlanes,andthroughthelength’ningshadows,Silent,wewanderedbackacrossthemeadows。
Thewreathwasfinished,andadornedmyroom;
Longafterward,thelilies’copiedbloomWaslikeahorridspectreinmysight,Staringuponmemorning,noon,andnight。
Thesunwentdown。Thesadnewmoonroseup,Andpassedbeforemelikeanemptycup,TheGreatUnseenbrimsfullofpainorbliss,AndgivesHischildren,saying,\"Drinkofthis。\"
Alightwind,fromtheopencasement,fannedMybrowandHelen’s,aswe,handinhand,Satlookingoutuponthetwilightscene,Indreamysilence。Helen’sdark—blueeyes,LiketwoloststarsthatwanderedfromtheskiesSomenightadownthemeteor’sshiningtrack,Andalwayshadbeengrievingtogoback,Nowgazedup,wistfully,atheaven’sdome,Andseemedtorecogniseandlongforhome。
Hersweetvoicebrokethesilence:\"Wish,Maurine,Beforeyouspeak!youknowthemoonisnew,AndanythingyouwishforwillcometrueBeforeitwanes。Idobelievethesign!
Nowtellmeyourwish,andI’lltellyoumine。\"
Iturnedandlookedupattheslimyoungmoon;
And,withanalmostsuperstitiousheart,Isighed,\"Oh,newmoon!helpme,bythineart,Togrowallgraceandgoodness,andtobeWorthytheloveatrueheartproffersme。\"
Thensmilingdown,Isaid,\"Dearone!myboon,Ifear,isquitetoosillyortoosweetFormyrepeating:sowe’llletitstayBetweenthemoonandme。ButifImayI’lllistennowtoyourwish。Tellme,please!\"
Allsuddenlyshenestledatmyfeet,Andhidherblushingfaceuponmyknees。
Thendrewmyhandagainstherglowingcheek,And,leaningonmybreast,begantospeak,HalfsighingoutthewordsmytorturedearReacheddowntocatch,whilestrivingnottohear。
\"Canyounotguesswho’twasabout,Maurine?
Oh,mysweetfriend!youmusterethishaveseenTheloveItriedtocoverfromalleyesAndfrommyself。Ah,foolishlittleheart!
AswellitmightgoseekingforsomeartWherebytohidethesuninnoondayskies。
WhenfirstthestrangesoundofhisvoiceIheard,Lookedonhisnobleface,and,touchedhishand,Myslumb’ringheartthrilledthroughandthroughandstirredAsiftosay,’Ihear,andunderstand。’
AnddaybydaymineeyeswereblestbeholdingTheinnerbeautyofhislife,unfoldingIncountlesswordsandactionsthatportrayedThenoblestuffofwhichhissoulwasmade。
AndmoreandmoreIfeltmyheartupreachingTowardthetruth,drawngentlybyhisteaching,Asflowersaredrawnbysunlight。AndtheregrewAstrange,shysomethinginitsdepths,IknewAtlengthwaslove,becauseitwassosadAndyetsosweet,andmademyheartsoglad,Yetseemedtopainme。Then,forveryshame,Lestallshouldreadmysecretanditsname,Istrovetohideitinmybreastaway,WhereGodcouldseeitonly。ButeachdayItseemedtogrowwithinme,andwouldrise,Likemyownsoul,andlookforthfrommyeyes,Defyingbondsofsilence;andwouldspeak,Initsred—letteredlanguage,onmycheek,Ifbuthisnamewasuttered。Youwerekind,MyownMaurine!asyoualonecouldbe,Solongthesharerofmyheartandmind,Whileyetyousaw,inseemingnottosee。
Inalltheyearswehavebeenfriends,myown,Andlovedaswomenveryrarelydo,MyheartnosorrowandnojoyhasknownIthasnotsharedatonce,infull,withyou。
AndIsolongedtospeaktoyouofthis,WhenfirstIfeltitsmingledpainandbliss;
Yetdarednot,lestyou,knowinghim,shouldsay,Inpityformyfolly——’Lack—a—day!
Youareundone:becausenomortalartCanwintheloveofsuchaloftyheart。’
AndsoIwaited,silentandinpain,TillIcouldknowIdidnotloveinvain。
AndnowIknow,beyondadoubtorfear。
Didhenotsay,’IfsheIholdmostdearSlippedfrommylife,andnoleasthopewereleft,MyheartwouldfindtheyearsmorelonelyhereThanifIwereofwealth,fame,friends,bereft,Andsent,anexile,toaforeignland’?
Oh,darling,youmustLOVE,tounderstandThejoythatthrilledallthroughmeatthosewords。
ItwasasifathousandsingingbirdsWithinmyheartbrokeforthinnotesofpraise。
Ididnotlookup,butIknewhisgazeWasonmyface,andthathiseyesmustseeThejoyIfeltalmosttransfiguredme。
Helovesme——lovesme!sothebirdskeptsinging,Andallmysoulwiththatsweetstrainisringing。
Iftherewereaddedbutonedropofbliss,Nomoremycupwouldhold:andso,thiseve,ImadeawishthatImightfeelhiskissUponmylips,ereyonpalemoonshouldleaveThestarsalllonely,havingwanedaway,Toooldandweakandbowedwithcaretostay。\"
Hervoicesighedinsilence。WhileshespokeMyheartwrithedinme,prayingshewouldcease—
EachwordsheutteredfallinglikeastrokeOnmybaresoul。Andnowahushlikedeath,Savethat’twasbrokenbyaquick—drawnbreath,Fell’roundme,butbroughtnotthehoped—forpeace。
Forwhenthelashnolongerleavesitsblows,Thefleshstillquivers,andthebloodstillflows。
Shenestledonmybosomlikeachild,And’neathherheadmytorturedheartthrobbedwildWithpainandpity。Shehadtoldhertale—
Herself—deceivingstorytotheend。
HowcouldIlookdownonherasshelaySofair,andsweet,andlily—like,andfrail—
Atenderblossomonmybreast,andsay,\"Nay,youarewrong——youdomistake,dearfriend!
’TisIamloved,notyou\"?Yetthatweretruth,Andshemustknowitlater。
ShouldIspeak,Andspreadaghastlypalloro’erthecheekFlushednowwithjoy?AndwhileI,doubtingpondered,Shespokeagain。\"Maurine!IofthavewonderedWhyyouandVivianwerenotlovers。HeIsallaheartcouldaskitskingtobe;
Andyouhavebeauty,intellectandyouth。
Ithinkitstrangeyouhavenotlovedeachother—
StrangehowhecouldpassbyyouforanotherNothalfsofairorworthy。YetIknowAlovingFatherpre—arrangeditso。
Ithinkmyhearthasknownhimalltheseyears,Andwaitedforhim。AndifwhenhecameIthadbeenasaloverofmyfriend,Ishouldhaverecognisedhim,allthesame,Asmysoul—mate,andlovedhimtotheend,Hidingmygrief,andforcingbackmytearsTillonmyheart,slowdropping,daybyday,Unseentheyfell,andworeitallaway。
AndsoatenderFatherkepthimfree,Withallthelargenessofhislove,forme—
Forme,unworthysuchapreciousgift!
YetIwillbendeacheffortofmylifeTogrowingraceandgoodness,andtoliftMysoulandspirittohisloftyheight,Sotodeservethatholyname,hiswife。
Sweetfriend,itfillsmywholeheartwithdelightTobreatheitslonghidsecretinyourear。
Speak,myMaurine,andsayyoulovetohear!\"
Thewhileshespoke,myactivebraingaveriseToonegreatthoughtofmightysacrificeAndself—denial。Oh!itblanchedmycheek,Andwrungmysoul;andfrommyheartitdroveAlllifeandfeeling。Coward—like,IstroveTosenditfromme;butIfeltitclingAndholdfastonmymindlikesomelivething;
AndalltheSelfwithinmefeltitstouchAndcried,\"No,no!Icannotdosomuch—
Iamnotstrongenough——thereisnocall。\"
AndthenthevoiceofHelenbademespeak,Andwithacalmnessbornofnerve,Isaid,ScarceknowingwhatIuttered,\"Sweetheart,allYourjoysandsorrowsarewithmineownwed。
Ithankyouforyourconfidence,andprayImaydeserveitalways。But,dearone,Something——perhapsourboat—rideinthesun—
Hassetmyheadtoaching。ImustgoTobeddirectly;andyouwill,Iknow,Grantmeyourpardon,andanotherdayWe’lltalkofthistogether。Nowgood—night,Andangelsguardyouwiththeirwingsoflight。\"
Ikissedherlips,andheldheronmyheart,AndviewedherasIne’erhaddonebefore。
Igazeduponherfeatureso’erando’er;
Markedherwhite,tenderface——herfragileform,Likesomefrailplantthatwithersinthestorm;
Sawshewasfairerinhernew—foundjoyThane’erbefore;andthought,\"CanIdestroyGod’shandiwork,orleaveitatthebestAbrokenharp,whileIcloseclaspmybliss?\"
Ibentmyheadandgaveheronelastkiss,Andsoughtmyroom,andfoundtheresuchreliefAssadheartsfeelwhenfirstalonewithgrief。
Themoonwentdown,slowsailingfrommysight,Andleftthestarstowatchawaythenight。
Ostars,sweetstars,sochangelessandserene!
Whatdepthsofwoeyourpityingeyeshaveseen!
Theproudsunsets,andleavesuswithoursorrow,Togropealoneindarknesstillthemorrow。
Thelanguidmoon,e’enifshedeignstorise,Soonseekshercouch,grownwearyofoursighs;
ButfromtheearlygloamingtillthedaySendsgolden—liveriedheraldsforthtosayHecomesinmight;thepatientstarsshineon,Steadfastandfaithful,fromtwilighttodawn。
And,astheyshoneuponGethsemane,AndwatchedthestruggleofaGod—likesoul,Nowfromthesamefarheighttheyshoneonme,Andsawthewavesofanguisho’ermeroll。
Thestormhadcomeuponmeallunseen:
Nosoundofthunderfelluponmyear;
Nocloudarosetotellmeitwasnear;
Butunderskiesallsunlit,andserene,Ifloatedwiththecurrentofthestream,Andthoughtlifeallonegolden—haloeddream。
Whenlo!ahurricane,withawfulforce,Sweptswiftuponitsdevastatingcourse,Wreckedmyfrailbark,andcastmeonthewaveWhereallmyhopeshadfoundasuddengrave。
Lovemakesusblindandselfish;otherwiseIhadseenHelen’ssecretinhereyes;
SousedIwastoreadingeverylookInhersweetface,asIwouldreadabook。
Butnow,madesightlessbylove’sblindingrays,Ihadgoneonunseeing,totheendWherePaindispelledthemistofgoldenhazeThatwalledmein,andlo!IfoundmyfriendWhojourneyedwithme——atmyveryside—
Hadbeensorewoundedtotheheart,whileI,Bothdeafandblind,sawnot,norheardhercry。
AndthenIsobbed,\"OGod!IwouldhavediedTosaveherthis。\"AndasIcriedinpain,Thereleapedforthfromthestill,whiterealmofThoughtWhereConsciencedwells,thatunimpassionedspotAswidelydifferentfromtheheart’sdomainAsnorthfromsouth——theimpulsefeltbefore,Andputaway;butnowitroseoncemore,Ingreaterstrength,andsaid,\"Heart,wouldstthouproveWhatlipshaveuttered?Thengo,laythyloveOnFriendship’saltar,asthyoffering。\"
\"Nay!\"criedmyheart,\"askanyotherthing—
Asklifeitself——’twereeasiersacrifice。
Butasknotlove,forthatIcannotgive。\"
\"But,\"spokethevoice,\"themeanestinsectdies,Andisnohero!heroesdaretoliveWhenallthatmakeslifesweetissnatchedaway。\"
Sowithmyheart,inconverse,tilltheday,Ingoldandcrimsonbillows,roseandbroke,ThevoiceofConscience,allunwearied,spoke。
LovewarredwithFriendship,heartwithConsciencefought,Hoursrolledaway,andyettheendwasnot。
AndwilySelf,trickedoutliketenderness,Sighed,\"Thinkhowone,whoselifethouwerttobless,Willbecastdown,andgropeindoubtandfear!
Wouldstthouwoundhim,togivethyfriendrelief?
Canwrongmakeright?\"
\"Nay!\"Consciencesaid,\"butPrideAndTimecanhealthesaddesthurtsofLove。
WhileFriendship’swoundsgapewideandyetmorewide,Andbitterfountainsofthespiritprove。\"
Atlength,exhaustedwiththewearingstrife,Icastthenew—foundburdenofmylifeOnGod’sbroadbreast,andsoughtthatdeepreposeThatonlyhewhowatchedwithsorrowknows。
PARTIV
\"Maurine,Maurine,’tisteno’clock!arise,Myprettysluggard,openthosedarkeyesAndseewhereyondersunis!DoyouknowImademytoiletjustfourhoursago?\"
’TwasHelen’svoice:andHelen’sgentlekissFellonmycheek。Asfromadeepabyss,IdrewmywearyselffromthatstrangesleepThatrestsnotnorrefreshes。ScarceawakeOrconscious,yetthereseemedaheavyweightBoundonmybreast,asbyacruelFate。
Iknewnotwhy,andyetIlongedtoweep。
Somedarkcloudseemedtohangupontheday;
And,foramoment,inthattranceIlay,Whensuddenlythetruthdido’ermebreak,Likesomegreatwaveuponahelplesschild。
Thedullpaininmybreastgrewlikeaknife—
Theheavythrobbingofmyheartgrewwild,AndGodgavebacktheburdenofthelifeHekeptwhattimeIslumbered。
\"Youareill,\"
CriedHelen,\"withthatblindingheadachestill!
Youlooksopaleandweary。NowletmePlaynurse,Maurine,andcareforyouto—day!
AndfirstI’llsuitsomedaintytoyourtaste,Andbringittoyou,withacupoftea。\"
Andoffsheran,notwaitingmyreply。
But,wantingmostthesunshineandthelight,Ileftmycouch,andclothedmyselfinhaste,And,kneeling,senttoGodanearnestcryForhelpandguidance。
\"ShowThoumetheway,Wheredutyleads,forIamblind!mysightObscuredbyself。Oh,leadmystepsaright!
Helpmeseethepath:andifitmay,Letthiscuppass:—andyet,ThouheavenlyOne,Thywillinallthings,notmineown,bedone。\"
Rising,Iwentuponmyway,receivingThestrengthprayergivesalwaytoheartsbelieving。
Ifeltthatunseenhandswereleadingme,Andknewtheendwaspeace。
\"What!areyouup?\"
CriedHelen,comingwithatray,andcup,Oftendertoastandfragrant,smokingtea。
\"Younaughtygirl!youshouldhavestayedinbedUntilyouateyourbreakfast,andwerebetter;
I’vesomethinghiddenforyouhere——aletter。
Butdrinkyourteabeforeyoureadit,dear!
’Tisfromsomedistantcousin,auntiesaid,Andsoyouneednothurry。Nowbegood,AndmindyourHelen。\"
So,inpassivemood,Ilaidthestillunopenedletternear,AndloiteredatmybreakfastmoretopleaseMynurse,thananyhungertoappease。
ThenlistlesslyIbrokethesealandreadThefewlineswritteninaboldfreehand:
\"NewLondon,Canada。DearCoz。Maurine!
(InspiteofgenerationsstretchedbetweenOurnaturalrighttothatmosthandyclaimOfcousinship,we’lluseitallthesame)
I’mcomingtoseeyou!honestly,intruth!
I’vethreatenedoften——nowImeantoact;
You’llfindmycomingisastubbornfact。
Keepquiet,though,anddonottellAuntRuth。
Iwonderifshe’llknowherpettedboyInspiteofchanges?LookformeuntilYouseemecoming。AsofoldI’mstillYourfaithfulfriend,andlovingcousin,Roy。\"
SoRoywascoming!HeandIhadplayedAsboyandgirl,andlater,youthandmaid,Fullhalfourlivestogether。Hehadbeen,Likeme,anorphan;andtheroofofkinGavebothkindshelter。SwiftyearsspedawayErechangewasfelt:andthenonesummerdayAlong—lostunclesailedfromIndia’sshore—
MadeRoyhisheir,andhewasoursnomore。