\"It’sacomfort,\"saidtheMajor,inhissarcasticway,\"tohaveafellow—soldiertotalktoinsteadofaquill—driver,whoasyetisnotevenapenny—a—liner。Eh,Derrick?Don’tyoufeelinclinedtoregretyourfool’schoicenow?YoumighthavebeenstartingoffforthewarwithLawrencenextweek,ifyouhadn’tchosenwhatyou’repleasedtocallaliterarylife。Literarylife,indeed!Ilittlethoughtasonofminewouldeverhavebeensowantinginspiritastopreferdabblingininktoalifeofaction——tobethescribblerofmerewords,ratherthananofficerofdragoons。\"
ThentomyastonishmentDerricksprangtohisfeetinhotindignation。Ineversawhimlooksohandsome,beforeorsince;forhisangerwasnotthedistorting,devilishangerthattheMajorgavewayto,butrealdownrightwrath。
\"Youspeakcontemptuouslyofmerenovels,\"hesaidinalowvoice,yetmoreclearlythanusual,andasifthewordswerewrungoutofhim。\"Whatrighthaveyoutolookdownononeofthegreatestweaponsoftheday?andwhyisawritertosubmittoscoffsandinsultsandtamelytohearhisprofessionreviled?Ihavechosentowritethemessagethathasbeengivenme,andIdon’tregretthechoice。ShouldIhaveshowngreaterspiritifIhadsoldmyfreedomandrightofjudgmenttobeoneofthenationalkillingmachines?\"
Withthathethrewdownhiscardsandstrodeoutoftheroominawhiteheatofanger。Itwasapityhemadethatlastremark,foritputhiminthewrongandneedlesslyannoyedLawrenceandtheMajor。
Butanangrymanhasnotimetoweighhiswords,and,asIsaid,pooroldDerrickwasveryhuman,andwhenwoundedtoointolerablycouldonoccasionretaliate。
TheMajorutteredanoathandlookedinastonishmentattheretreatingfigure。Derrickwassuchanextraordinarilyquiet,respectful,long—sufferingsonasarule,thatthisoutburstwasstartlingintheextreme。Moreover,itspoiltthegame,andtheoldman,chafedbytheresultofhisownill—nature,andhelplesstobringbackhispartner,wasforcedtobetakehimselftochess。I
lefthimgrumblingawaytoLawrenceaboutthevanityofauthors,andwentoutinthehopeoffindingDerrick。AsIleftthehouseIsawsomeoneturnthecornerintotheCircus,andstartinginpursuit,overtookthetall,darkfigurewhereBennettStreetopensontotheLansdowneHill。
\"I’mgladyouspokeup,oldfellow,\"Isaid,takinghisarm。
Hemodifiedhispacealittle。\"Whyisit,\"heexclaimed,\"thateveryotherprofessioncanbetakenseriously,butthatanovelist’sworkissupposedtobemereplay?GoodGod!don’twesufferenough?
Havewenothardbrainworkanddrudgeryofdeskworkandtediousgatheringofstatisticsandtroublesomesearchintodetails?Havewenotanappallingweightofresponsibilityonus?——andarewenotatthemercyofathousandcapriciouschances?\"
\"Comenow,\"Iexclaimed,\"youknowthatyouareneversohappyaswhenyouarewriting。\"
\"Ofcourse,\"hereplied;\"butthatdoesn’tmakemeresentsuchanattacktheless。Besides,youdon’tknowwhatitistohavetowriteinsuchanatmosphereasours;it’slikeaweightonone’spen。Thislifehereisnotlifeatall——it’sadailydeath,andit’skillingthebooktoo;thelastchaptersarewretched——I’mutterlydissatisfiedwiththem。\"
\"Asforthat,\"Isaidcalmly,\"youarenojudgeatall。Youcannevertelltheworthofyourownwork;thelastbitissplendid。\"
\"Icouldhavedoneitbetter,\"hegroaned。\"Butthereisalwaysaghastlydepressiondraggingonebackhere——andthenthetimeissoshort;justasonegetsintotheswingofitthebreakfastbellrings,andthencomes——\"Hebrokeoff。
Icouldwellsupplytheendofthesentence,however,forIknewthatthencametheslowtortureofatete—a—tetedaywiththeMajor,stingingsarcasms,humiliatingscoldings,vexationsanddifficultiesinnumerable。
Idrewhimtotheleft,havingnomindtogotothetopofthehill。
WeslackenedourpaceagainandwalkedtoandfroalongthebroadlevelpavementofLansdowneCrescent。Wehaditentirelytoourselves——notanothercreaturewasinsight。
\"Icouldbearitall,\"heburstforth,\"ifonlytherewasachanceofseeingFreda。Oh,youarebetteroffthanIam——atleast,youknowtheworst。Yourhopeiskilled,butminelivesonatortured,starvedlife!WouldtoGodIhadneverseenher!\"
CertainlybeforethatnightIhadneverquiterealisedtheirrevocablenessofpoorDerrick’spassion。IhadhalfhopedthattimeandseparationwouldgraduallyeffaceFredaMerrifieldfromhismemory;andIlistenedwithadireforebodingtothefloodofwretchednesswhichhepouredforthaswepacedupanddown,thinkingnowandthenhowlittlepeopleguessedatthetremendouspowershiddenunderhisusuallyquietexterior。
Atlengthhepaused,buthislastheart—brokenwordsseemedtovibrateintheairandtoforcemetospeaksomekindofcomfort。
\"Derrick,\"Isaid,\"comebackwithmetoLondon——giveupthismiserablelife。\"
Ifelthimstartalittle;evidentlynothoughtofyieldinghadcometohimbefore。Wewerepassingthehousethatusedtobelongtothatstrangebook—loverandrecluse,Beckford。Ilookedupattheblankwindows,andthoughtofthatcurious,self—centredlifeinthepast,surroundedbyeveryluxury,abletoindulgeeverywhim;andthenIlookedatmycompanion’spale,torturedface,andthoughtofthelifehehadelectedtoleadinthehopeofsavingonewhomdutyboundhimtohonour。Afterall,whichlifewasthemostworthliving——whichwasthemosttobeadmired?
Wewalkedon;downbelowusanduponthefartherhillwecouldseethelightsofBath;theplacesobeautifulbydaylookednowlikeafairycity,andtheAbbey,loomingupagainstthemoon—litsky,seemedlikesomegreatgiantkeepingwatchovertheclusteringroofsbelow。Thewell—knownchimesrangoutintothenightandtheclockstruckten。
\"Imustgoback,\"saidDerrick,quietly。\"Myfatherwillwanttogettobed。\"
Icouldn’tsayaword;weturned,passedBeckford’shouseoncemore,walkedbrisklydownthehill,andreachedtheGayStreetlodging—
house。Irememberthestiflingheatoftheroomasweenteredit,anditscontrasttothecool,dark,winter’snightoutside。Icanvividlyrecall,too,theoldMajor’sfaceashelookedupwithasarcasticremark,butwithashadeofanxietyinhisbloodshoteyes。
Hewasleaningbackinagreen—cushionedchair,andhisghastlyyellowcomplexionseemedtomemorenoticeablethanusual——hisscantygreyhairandwhiskers,thelinesofpainsoplainlyvisibleinhisface,impressedmecuriously。IthinkIhadneverbeforerealisedwhatawreckofamanhewas——howutterlydependentonothers。
Lawrence,who,todohimjustice,hadagooddealoftact,andwho,Ibelieve,caredforhisbrotherasmuchashewascapableofcaringforanyonebuthimself,repeatedagoodstorywithwhichhehadbeenenliveningtheMajor,andIdidwhatIcouldtokeepupthetalk。Derrickmeanwhileputawaythechessmen,andlightedtheMajor’scandle。HeevenmanagedtoforceupalaughatLawrence’sstory,and,ashehelpedhisfatheroutoftheroom,IthinkIwastheonlyonewhonoticedthelookoftiredenduranceinhiseyes。
ChapterV。
\"IknowHowfarhighfailureovertopstheboundsOflowsuccesses。OnlysufferingdrawsTheinnerheartofsong,andcanelicitTheperfumesofthesoul。\"
EpicofHades。
Nextweek,Lawrencewentofflikeaherotothewar;andmyfriend——
alsoIthinklikeahero——stayedonatBath,enduringasbesthecouldtheworstformofloneliness;forundoubtedlythereisnolonelinesssofrightfulasconstantcompanionshipwithanuncongenialperson。Hehad,however,oneconsolation:theMajor’shealthsteadilyimproved,underthejointinfluenceoftotalabstinenceandBathwater,and,withtheimprovement,histemperbecamealittlebetter。
ButoneSaturday,whenIhadrundowntoBathwithoutwritingbeforehand,Isuddenlyfoundadifferentstateofthings。InOrangeGroveImetDr。Mackrill,theMajor’smedicalman;heusednowandthentoplaywhistwithusonSaturdaynights,andIstoppedtospeaktohim。
\"Oh!you’vecomedownagain。That’sallright!\"hesaid。\"Yourfriendwantssomeonetocheerhimup。He’sgothisarmbroken。\"
\"Howonearthdidhemanagethat?\"Iasked。
\"Well,that’smorethanIcantellyou,\"saidtheDoctor,withanoddlookinhiseyes,asifheguessedmorethanhewouldputintowords。\"AllthatIcouldgetoutofhimwasthatitwasdoneaccidentally。TheMajorisnotsowell——nowhistforusto—night,I’mafraid。\"
Hepassedon,andImademywaytoGayStreet。Therewasanairofmysteryaboutthequaintoldlandlady;shelookedbrimfulofnewswhensheopenedthedoortome,butshemanagedto’keepherselftoherself,’andshowedmeinupontheMajorandDerrick,rathertriumphantlyIthought。TheMajorlookedterriblyill——worsethanI
hadeverseenhim,andasforDerrick,hehadthestrangestlookofshrinkingandshame—facednessyoueversaw。Hesaidhewasgladtoseeme,butIknewthathelied。Hewouldhavegivenanythingtohavekeptmeaway。
\"Brokenyourarm?\"Iexclaimed,feelingboundtotakesomenoticeofthesling。
\"Yes,\"hereplied;\"metwithanaccidenttoit。Butluckilyit’sonlytheleftone,soitdoesn’thindermemuch!Ihavefinishedsevenchaptersofthelastvolumeof’Lynwood,’andwasjustwantingtoaskyoualegalquestion。\"
Allthistimehiseyesboremyscrutinydefiantly;theyseemedtodaremetosayoneotherwordaboutthebrokenarm。Ididn’tdare——
indeedtothisdayIhavenevermentionedthesubjecttohim。
Butthatevening,whilehewashelpingtheMajortobed,theoldlandladymadesomepretextfortoilinguptothetopofthehouse,whereIsatsmokinginDerrick’sroom。
\"You’llexcusemymakingboldtospeaktoyou,sir,\"shesaid。I
threwdownmynewspaper,and,lookingup,sawthatshewasbubblingoverwithsomestory。
\"Well?\"Isaid,encouragingly。
\"It’saboutMr。Vaughan,sir,Iwantedtospeaktoyou。Ireallydothink,sir,it’snotsafeheshouldbeleftalonewithhisfather,sir,anylonger。Suchdoingsaswehadheretheotherday,sir!
Somehoworother——andnoneofuscan’tthinkhow——theMajorhadmanagedtogetholdofabottleofbrandy。HowhehaditIdon’tknow;butwenoneofussuspectedhim,andintheafternoonhesayshewastoopoorlytogoforadriveortogooutinhischair,andsettlesoffontheparloursofaforanapwhileMr。Vaughangoesoutforawalk。Mr。Vaughanwasoutacoupleofhours。Iheardhimcomeinandgointothesitting—room;thentherecamesoundsofvoices,andascufflingoffeetandmovingofchairs,andIknewsomethingwaswrongandhurrieduptothedoor——andjustthencameacrashlikefire—irons,andIcouldheartheMajora—swearingfearful。NothearingasoundfromMr。Vaughan,Igotscared,sir,andopenedthedoor,andthereIsawtheMajoraleaningupagainstthemantelpieceasdrunkasalord,andhissonseemedtohavegotthebottlefromhim;itwashalfempty,andwhenhesawmehejusthandedittomeandorderedmetotakeitaway。ThenbetweenuswegottheMajortoliedownonthesofaandlefthimthere。WhenwegotoutintothepassageMr。Vaughanheleantagainstthewallforaminute,lookingaswhiteasasheet,andthenInoticedforthefirsttimethathisleftarmwashangingdownathisside。’Lord!
sir,’Icried,’yourarm’sbroken。’Andhewentallatonceasredashehadbeenpalejustbefore,andsaidhehadgotitdoneaccidentally,andbademesaynothingaboutit,andwalkedoffthereandthentothedoctor’s,andhaditset。Butsir,givenamandrunkastheMajorwas,andgivenascuffletogetawaythedrinkthatwaspoisoninghim,andgivenacrashsuchasIheard,andgivenapokera—lyinginthemiddleoftheroomwhereitstandstoreasonnopokercouldgetunlessitwasthrown——why,sir,nosensiblewomanwhocanputtwoandtwotogethercandoubtthatitwasalltheMajor’sdoing。\"
\"Yes,\"Isaid,\"thatisclearenough;butforMr。Vaughan’ssakewemusthushitup;and,asforsafety,why,theMajorishardlystrongenoughtodohimanyworsedamagethanthat。\"
Thegoodoldthingwipedawayatearfromhereyes。ShewasveryfondofDerrick,anditwenttoherheartthatheshouldleadsuchadog’slife。
IsaidwhatIcouldtocomforther,andshewentdownagain,fearfullestheshoulddiscoverherupstairsandguessthatshehadopenedherhearttome。
PoorDerrick!Thatheofallpeopleonearthshouldbemixedupwithsuchapolicecourtstory——withdrunkard,andviolence,andpokersfiguringinit!IlaybackinthecampchairandlookedatHoffman’s’Christ,’andthoughtofalltheextraordinaryproblemsthatoneisforevercomingacrossinlife。AndIwonderedwhetherthepeopleofBathwhosawthetall,impassive—looking,hazel—eyedsonandtheinvalidfatherintheirdailypilgrimagestothePumpRoom,orinchurchonSunday,orintheParkonsunnyafternoonshadtheleastnotionofthetragedythatwasgoingon。Myreflectionswereinterruptedbyhisentrance。HehadforcedupacheerfulnessthatIamsurehedidn’treallyfeel,andseemedafraidoflettingourtalkflagforamoment。Iremember,too,thatforthefirsttimeheofferedtoreadmehisnovel,insteadofasusualwaitingformetoasktohearit。Icanseehimnow,fetchingtheuntidyportfolioandturningoverthepages,adroitlyenough,asthoughanxioustoshowhowimmaterialwasthelossofaleftarm。ThatnightIlistenedtothefirsthalfofthethirdvolumeof’Lynwood’sHeritage,’andcouldn’thelpreflectingthatitsauthorseemedtothriveonmisery;andyethowIgrudgedhimtothisdeadly—livelyplace,andthismonotonous,cooped—uplife。
\"Howdoyoumanagetowriteone—handed?\"Iasked。
Andhesatdowntohisdesk,putaletter—weightontheleft—handcornerofthesheetoffoolscap,andwrotethatcomicalfirstparagraphoftheeighthchapteroverwhichwehavealllaughed。I
supposefewreadersguessedtheauthor’sstateofmindwhenhewroteit。Ilookedoverhisshouldertoseewhathehadwritten,andcouldn’thelplaughingaloud——Iverilybelievethatitwashiswayofturningoffattentionfromhisarm,andleadingmesafelyfromtheregionofawkwardquestions。
\"By—the—by,\"Iexclaimed,\"yourwritingofgarden—partiesremindsme。IwenttooneatCampdenHilltheotherday,andhadthegoodfortunetomeetMissFredaMerrifield。\"
Howhisfacelightedup,poorfellow,andwhatafloodofquestionshepouredout。\"Shelookedverywellandverypretty,\"Ireplied。
\"Iplayedtwosetsoftenniswithher。Sheaskedafteryoudirectlyshesawme,seemingtothinkthatwealwayshuntedincouples。I
toldheryouwerelivinghere,takingcareofaninvalidfather;butjustthenupcametheotherstoarrangethegame。SheandIgotthebestcourts,andaswecrossedovertothemshetoldmeshehadmetyourbrotherseveraltimeslastautumn,whenshehadbeenstayingnearAldershot。Oddthathenevermentionedherhere;butIdon’tsupposeshemademuchimpressiononhim。Sheisnotatallhisstyle。\"
\"Didyouhavemuchmoretalkwithher?\"heasked。
\"No,nothingtobecalledtalk。ShetoldmetheywereleavingLondonnextweek,andshewaslongingtogetbacktothecountrytoherbelovedanimals——rabbits,poultry,anaviary,andallthatkindofthing。Ishouldgatherthattheyhadkeptherratherinthebackgroundthisseason,butIunderstandthattheeldestsisteristobemarriedinthewinter,andthennodoubtMissFredawillbebroughtforward。\"
Heseemedwonderfullycheeredbythisopportunemeeting,andthoughtherewassolittletotellheappearedtobequitecontent。IlefthimonMondayinfairlygoodspirits,anddidnotcomeacrosshimagaintillSeptember,whenhisarmwaswell,andhisnovelfinishedandrevised。Henevermadetwocopiesofhiswork,andIfancythiswasperhapsbecausehespentsoshortatimeeachdayinactualwriting,andlivedsocontinuallyinhiswork;moreover,asIsaidbefore,hedetestedpenmanship。
Thelastpartof’Lynwood’farexceededmyexpectations;perhaps——
yetIdon’treallythinkso——Iviewedittoofavourably。ButIowedthebookadebtofgratitude,sinceitcertainlyhelpedmethroughtheworstpartofmylife。
\"Don’tyoufeelflatnowitisfinished?\"Iasked。
\"IfeltsomiserablethatIhadtoplungeintoanotherstorythreedaysafter,\"hereplied;andthenandtherehegavemethesketchofhissecondnovel,’AtStrife,’andtoldmehowhemeanttoweaveinhischildishfanciesaboutthedefenceofthebridgeintheCivilWars。
\"Andabout’Lynwood?’Areyoucominguptotowntohawkhimround?\"
Iasked。
\"Ican’tdothat,\"hesaid;\"youseeIamtiedhere。No,Imustsendhimoffbyrail,andlethimtakehischance。\"
\"Nosuchthing!\"Icried。\"Ifyoucan’tleaveBathIwilltakehimroundforyou。\"
AndDerrick,whowiththeoddestinconsistencywouldlethisMS。lieaboutanyhowathome,buthatedthethoughtofsendingitoutaloneonitstravels,gladlyacceptedmyoffer。SonextweekIsetoffwiththehugebrownpaperparcel;few,however,willappreciatemygoodnature,fornoonebutanauthororapublisherknowsthefearfulweightofathreevolumenovelinMS。!TomyintensesatisfactionIsoongotridofit,forthefirstgoodfirmtowhichItookitreceiveditwithgreatpoliteness,tobehandedovertotheir’reader’foranopinion;andapparentlythe’reader’s’opinioncoincidedwithmine,foramonthlaterDerrickreceivedanofferforitwithwhichheatonceclosed——notbecauseitwasagoodone,butbecausethefirmwaswellthoughtof,andbecausehewishedtolosenotime,buttohavethebookpublishedatonce。Ihappenedtobetherewhenhisfirst’proofs’arrived。TheMajorhadhadanattackofjaundice,andwasinafiendishhumour。Wehadamiserabletimeofitatdinner,forhebadgeredDerrickalmostpastbearing,andI
thinkthepooroldfellowmindeditmorewhentherewasathirdpersonpresent。Somehowthroughallhemanagedtokeephisextraordinarycapacityforreverencingmereage——eventhisdegradedanddetestableoldageoftheMajor’s。Ioftenthoughtthatinthishewaslikemyownancestor,HugoWharncliffe,whosedeferenceandrespectfulnessandpatiencehadnotdescendedtome,whileunfortunatelytheeffectsofhisphysicalinfirmitieshad。I
sometimesusedtoreflectbitterlyenoughonthetruthofHerbertSpencer’steachingastoheredity,soclearlyshowninmyowncase。
Intheyear1683,throughtheabominablecrueltyandharshnessofhisbrotherRandolph,thisHugoWharncliffe,mygreat—great—great—
great—greatgrandfather,wasimmuredinNewgate,andhisconstitutionwastherebysomuchimpairedandenfeebledthat,twohundredyearsafter,myconstitutionispayingthepenalty,andmywholelifeistherebychangedandthwarted。HencethischildlessRandolphisaffectingthecourseofseverallivesinthe19thcenturytotheirgrievoushurt。
Butrevenonsanosmoutons——thatistosay,toourlionandlamb——
theoldbruteofaMajorandhislong—sufferingson。
Whilethetablewasbeingcleared,theMajortookfortywinksonthesofa,andwetwobeataretreat,litupourpipesinthepassage,andwerejustturningoutwhenthepostman’sdoubleknockcame,butnoshowersoflettersinthebox。Derrickthrewopenthedoor,andthemanhandedhimafat,stumpy—lookingrollinapinkwrapper。
\"Isay!\"heexclaimed,\"PROOFS!\"
And,inhothaste,hebegantearingawaythepinkpaper,tilloutcametheclean,foldedbitsofprintingandthedirtyanddishevelledbluefoolscap,thelookofwhichIknewsowell。Itisanoddfeeling,thatfirstseeingone’sselfinprint,andIcouldguess,eventhen,whatathrillshotthroughDerrickasheturnedoverthepages。Buthewouldnottakethemintothesitting—room,nodoubtdreadinganotherdiatribeagainsthisprofession;andwesolemnlyplayedeuchre,andpatientlyenduredtheMajor’switheringsarcasmstillteno’clocksoundedourhappyrelease。
However,tomakealongstoryshort,amonthlater——thatis,attheendofNovember——’Lynwood’sHeritage’waspublishedinthreevolumeswithmaroonclothandgiltlettering。Derrickhaddistributedamonghisfriendsthepublishers’announcementofthedayofpublication;
andwhenitwasoutIbesiegedthelibrariesforit,alwaysexpressingsurpriseifIdidnotfinditintheirlists。Thenbeganthetimeofreviews。AsIhadexpected,theywereextremelyfavourable,withtheexceptionoftheHerald,theStroller,andtheHour,whichmadeitratherhotforhim,thelatterinparticularpitchingintohisviewsandassuringitsreadersthatthebookwas’dangerous,’anditsauthorabelieverin——variousthingespeciallyrepugnanttoDerrick,atithappened。
Iwaswithhimwhenhereadthesereviews。OvertheclevernessofthesatiricalattackintheWeeklyHeraldhelaughedheartily,thoughthelaughwasagainsthimself;andastothecriticwhowroteintheStrolleritwasapparenttoallwhoknew’Lynwood’thathehadnotreadmuchofthebook;butoverthisreviewintheHourhewasgenuinelyangry——ithurthimpersonally,and,asitafterwardsturnedout,playednosmallpartinthestoryofhislife。Thegoodreviews,however,weremany,andtheirrecommendationofthebookhearty;theyallprophesiedthatitwouldbeagreatsuccess。Yet,spiteofthis,’Lynwood’sHeritage’didn’tsell。Wasit,asIhadfeared,thatDerrickwastoodevoidofthepushingfacultyevertomakeasuccessfulwriter?Orwasitthathewashandicappedbybeingdownintheprovincesplayingkeepertothatabominableoldbear?Anyhow,thebookwaswellreceived,readwithenthusiasmbyanextremelysmallcircle,andthenitdroppeddowntothebottomamongthemassofoverlookedliterature,anditscareerseemedtobeover。IcanrecallthelookinDerrick’sfacewhenonedayheglancedthroughthenewMudieandSmithlistsandfound’Lynwood’sHeritage’nolongerdown。IhadbeentryingtocheerhimupaboutthebookandquotingallthefavourableremarksIhadheardaboutit。Butunluckilythiswasdamningevidenceagainstmyoptimistview。
Hesighedheavilyandputdownthelists。
\"It’snousetodeceiveone’sself,\"hesaid,drearily,\"’Lynwood’
hasfailed。\"
Somethinginthedeepdepressionoflookandtonegavemeamomentaryinsightintotheauthor’sheart。Hethought,Iknow,oftheagonyofmindthisbookhadcosthim;ofthoselongmonthsofwaitingandtheirdeadlystruggle,ofthehopeswhichhadmadeallhepassedthroughseemsowellworthwhile;andthebitternessofthedisappointmentwasnodoubtintensifiedbytheknowledgethattheMajorwouldrejoiceoverit。
WewalkedthatafternoonalongtheBradfordValley,aroadwhichDerrickwasspeciallyfondof。Helovedthethickly—woodedhills,andtheglimpsesoftheAvon,which,flankedbythecanalandtherailway,runsparallelwiththehighroad;healwaysadmired,too,acertainlittlevillagewithgreystonecottageswhichlayinthisdirection,andlikedtolookatthesiteoftheoldhallneartheroad:nothingremainedofitbutthetallgatepostsandrustyirongateslookingstrangelydrearyanddeserted,andwithinonecouldsee,betweensomedarkyewtrees,anoldterracewalkwithstonestepsandbalustrades——themostghostly—lookingplaceyoucanconceive。
\"Iknowyou’llputthisintoabooksomeday,\"Isaid,laughing。
\"Yes,\"hesaid,\"itisalreadybeginningtosimmerinmybrain。\"
Apparentlyhisdeepdisappointmentastohisfirstventurehadinnowayaffectedhisperfectlyclearconsciousnessthat,comewhatwould,hehadtowrite。
AswewalkedbacktoBathhetoldmehis’RuinedHall’storyasfarasithadyetevolveditselfinhisbrain,andwewerestilldiscussingitwheninMilsomStreetwemetaboycryingeveningpapers,anddetailsofthelastgreatbattleatSaspatarasHill。
Derrickbrokeoffhastily,everythingbutanxietyforLawrencedrivenfromhismind。
ChapterVI。
\"Saynot,OSoul,thouartdefeated,Becausethouartdistressed;
Ifthouofbetterthingartcheated,Thoucanstnotbeofbest。\"
T。T。Lynch。
\"Goodheavens,Sydney!\"heexclaimedingreatexcitementandwithhiswholefaceaglowwithpleasure,\"lookhere!\"
HepointedtoafewlinesinthepaperwhichmentionedtheheroicconductofLieutenantL。Vaughan,whoattheriskofhislifehadrescuedabrotherofficerwhensurroundedbytheenemyandcompletelydisabled。LieutenantVaughanhadmanagedtomountthewoundedmanonhisownhorseandhadmiraculouslyescapedhimselfwithnothingworsethanasword—thrustintheleftarm。
WewenthomeintriumphtotheMajor,andDerrickreadthewholeaccountaloud。Withallhisdetestationofwar,hewasneverthelessgreatlystirredbythedescriptionofthegallantdefenceoftheattackedposition——andforatimewewereallatone,andcouldtalkofnothingbutLawrence’sheroism,andVictoriaCrosses,andtheprospectsofpeace。However,alltoosoon,theMajor’sfiendishtemperreturned,andhebegantousetheeventofthedayasaweaponagainstDerrick,continuallytauntinghimwiththecontrastbetweenhisstay—at—homelifeofscribblingandLawrence’slifeofheroicadventure。Icouldnevermakeoutwhetherhewantedtogoadhissonintoleavinghim,inorderthathemightdrinkhimselftodeathinpeace,orwhetherhemerelyindulgedinhisnaturalloveoftormenting,valuingDerrick’sdevotionasconducivetohisowncomfort,andknowingthathardwordswouldnotdrivehimfromwhathedeemedtobehisduty。Iratherinclinetothelatterview,buttheoldMajorwasalwaysanenigmatome;norcanItothisdaymakeouthisraison—d’etre,exceptonthetheorythatthetrainingofanovelistrequiredacourseofslowtorture,andthattheoldmanwassentintotheworldtobeasortofthorninthefleshofDerrick。
Whatwiththedisappointmentabouthisfirstbook,andthedifficultyofwritinghissecond,thefiercecravingforFreda’spresence,thestrugglenottoallowhisadmirationforLawrence’sbraverytobecomepoisonedbyenvyundertheinfluenceoftheMajor’sincessantattacks,Derrickhadjustthenahardtimeofit。
Henevercomplained,butInoticedagreatchangeinhim;hismelancholyincreased,hisflashesofhumourandmerrimentbecamefewerandfewer——Ibegantobeafraidthathewouldbreakdown。
\"ForGod’ssake!\"IexclaimedoneeveningwhenleftalonewiththeDoctorafteraneveningofwhist,\"doordertheMajortoLondon。
Derrickhasbeenmewedupherewithhimfornearlytwoyears,andI
don’tthinkhecanstanditmuchlonger。\"
SotheDoctorkindlycontrivedtoadvisetheMajortoconsultawell—knownLondonphysician,andtospendafortnightintown,furthersuggestingthatamonthatBenRhyddingmightbeenjoyablebeforesettlingdownatBathagainforthewinter。LuckilytheMajortooktotheidea,andjustasLawrencereturnedfromthewarDerrickandhisfatherarrivedintown。Thechangeseemedlikelytoworkwell,andIwasablenowandthentoreleasemyfriendandplaycribbagewiththeoldmanforanhourortwowhileDerricktoreaboutLondon,interviewedhispublisher,maderesearchesintoseventeenthcenturydocumentsattheBritishMuseum,andsomehowmanagedinhisrapidwaytoacquirethoseglimpsesoflifeandcharacterwhichheafterwardsturnedtosuchgoodaccount。Allwasgristthatcametohismill,andatfirstthemeresightofhisoldhome,London,seemedtorevivehim。OfcourseattheveryfirstopportunityhecalledattheProbyns’,andwebothofushadaninvitationtogothereonthefollowingWednesdaytoseethemarchpastofthetroopsandtolunch。Derrickwasnearlybesidehimselfattheprospect,forheknewthatheshouldcertainlymeetFredaatlast,andthemingledpainandblissofbeingactuallyinthesameplacewithher,yetascompletelyseparatedasifseasrolledbetweenthem,wasbeginningtotryhimterribly。
MeantimeLawrencehadturnedupagain,greatlyimprovedineverywaybyallthathehadlivedthrough,butrathertooreadytofallinwithhisfather’stonetowardsDerrick。Therelationsbetweenthetwobrothers——alwaysalittlepeculiar——becamemoreandmoredifficult,andtheMajorseemedtoenjoypittingthemagainsteachother。
Atlengththedayofthereviewarrived。Derrickwasnotlookingwell,hiseyeswereheavywithsleeplessness,andtheMajorhadbeenunusuallyexasperatingatbreakfastthatmorning,sothathestartedwithajaded,worn—outfeelingthatwouldnotwhollyyieldeventotheexcitementofthislong—expectedmeetingwithFreda。Whenhefoundhimselfinthegreatdrawing—roomatLordProbyn’shouse,amidabuzzoftalkandacrowdofstrangefaces,hewasseizedwithoneofthosesuddenattacksofshynesstowhichhewasalwaysliable。
Infact,hehadbeensolongalonewiththeoldMajorthatthisplungeintosocietywastoogreatareaction,andtheverythinghehadlongedforbecameatorturetohim。
FredawasattheotherendoftheroomtalkingtoKeithCollins,thewell—knownmemberforCodrington,whosecuriousbutattractivefacewasknowntoalltheworldthroughthecaricaturesofitin’Punch。’
IknewthatshesawDerrick,andthatheinstantlyperceivedher,andthatamiserablesenseofseparation,ofdistance,ofhopelessnessoverwhelmedhimashelooked。Afterall,itwasnaturalenough。FortwoyearshehadthoughtofFredanightandday;inhisunutterablydrearylifehermemoryhadbeenhisrefreshment,hissolace,hiscompanion。Nowhewassuddenlybroughtfacetoface,notwiththeFredaofhisdreams,butwithafashionable,beautifullydressed,much—soughtgirl,andhefeltthatagulflaybetweenthem;itwasthegulfofexperience。Freda’slifeinsociety,thewhirlofgaiety,theexcitementandsuccesswhichshehadbeenenjoyingthroughouttheseason,andhismiserablemonotonyofcompanionshipwithhisinvalidfather,ofhardworkandwearydisappointment,hadbrokendownthebondofunionthathadonceexistedbetweenthem。Fromeithersidetheylookedateachother——Fredawithawonderingperplexity,Derrickwithadullgrindingpainathisheart。
Ofcoursetheyspoketoeachother;butIfancythemerestplatitudespassedbetweenthem。Somehowtheyhadlosttouch,andacrowdedLondondrawing—roomwashardlytheplacetoregainit。
\"Soyournovelisreallyout,\"Iheardhersaytohiminthatdeep,clearvoiceofhers。\"Ilikethedesignonthecover。\"
\"Oh,haveyoureadthebook?\"saidDerrick,colouring。
\"Well,no,\"shesaidtruthfully。\"Iwantedtoreadit,butmyfatherwouldn’tletme——heisveryparticularaboutwhatweread。\"
ThatfrankbutnotveryhappilywordedanswerwaslikeastabtopoorDerrick。Hehadgiventotheworldthenabookthatwasnotfitforhertoread!This’Lynwood,’whichhadbeenwrittenwithhisownheart’sblood,wascountedadangerous,poisonousthing,fromwhichshemustbeguarded!
Fredamusthaveseenthatshehadhurthim,forshetriedhardtoretrieveherwords。
\"Itwastantalisingtohaveitactuallyinthehouse,wasn’tit?I
haveagrudgeagainsttheHour,foritwasthereviewinthatwhichsetmyfatheragainstit。\"Thenratheranxioustoleavethedifficultsubject——\"Andhasyourbrotherquiterecoveredfromhiswound?\"
IthinkshewasalittlevexedthatDerrickdidnotshowmoreanimationinhisrepliesaboutLawrence’sadventuresduringthewar;
thelessherespondedthemoreenthusiasticshebecame,andIamperfectlysurethatinherheartshewasthinking:
\"Heisjealousofhisbrother’sfame——Iamdisappointedinhim。Hehasgrowndull,andabsent,andstupid,andheisdreadfullywantinginsmall—talk。Ifearthathislifedownintheprovincesisturninghimintoabear。\"
Shebroughttheconversationbacktohisbook;buttherewasalittletouchofscorninhervoice,asifshethoughttoherself,\"I
supposeheisoneofthosepeoplewhocanonlytalkononesubject——
hisowndoings。\"Hermannerwasalmostbrusque。
\"Yournovelhashadagreatsuccess,hasitnot?\"sheasked。
Heinstantlyperceivedherthought,andrepliedwithatouchofdignityandaproudsmile:
\"Onthecontrary,ithasbeenagreatfailure;onlythreehundredandninecopieshavebeensold。\"
\"Iwonderatthat,\"saidFreda,\"foronesooftenheardittalkedof。\"
Hepromptlychangedthetopic,andbegantospeakofthemarchpast。
\"IwanttoseeLordStarcross,\"headded。\"Ihavenoideawhataheroislike。\"
JustthenLadyProbyncameup,followedbyanelderlyharpyinspectaclesandfalse,much—frizzedfringe。
\"Mrs。Carsteenwishestobeintroducedtoyou,Mr。Vaughan;sheisagreatadmirerofyourwritings。\"
AndpoorDerrick,whowasthenquiteunusedtothespecies,hadtostandandreceiveafloodofthemostfulsomeflattery,deliveredinastridentvoice,andtobearthecriticalandprolongedstareofthespectacledeyes。Norwouldtheharpyeasilyreleaseherprey。
Shekepthimmuchagainsthiswill,andIsawhimlookingwistfullynowandthentowardsFreda。
\"Itamusesme,\"Isaidtoher,\"thatDerrickVaughanshouldbesoanxioustoseeLordStarcross。ItremindsmeofCharlesLamb’sanxietytoseeKosciusko,’for,’saidhe,’Ihaveneverseenahero;
Iwonderhowtheylook,’whileallthetimehehimselfwaslivingalifeofheroicself—sacrifice。\"
\"Mr。Vaughan,Ishouldthink,needonlylookathisownbrother,\"
saidFreda,missingthedriftofmyspeech。
IlongedtotellherwhatitwaspossibletotellofDerrick’slife,butatthatmomentSirRichardMerrifieldintroducedtohisdaughteragirlinahugehatandgreatfloppingsleeves,MissIsaacson,whosepictureattheGrosvenorhadbeensomuchtalkedof。Nowthelittleartistknewnooneintheroom,andFredasawfittobeextremelyfriendlytoher。Shewasintroducedtome,andIdidmybesttotalktoherandsetFredaatlibertyassoonastheharpyhadreleasedDerrick;butmyendeavourswerefrustrated,forMissIsaacson,havinglookedmewellover,decidedthatIwasnotatallintense,butamerecommonplace,slightlycynicalworldling,andhavingexchangedafewlukewarmremarkswithme,shereturnedtoFreda,andstucktoherlikeaburfortherestofthetime。
Westoodoutonthebalconytoseethetroopsgoby。Itwasafinesight,andweallbecamehighlyenthusiastic。Fredaenjoyedthemerepageantlikeachild,andwasdelightedwiththehorses。ShelookednowmoreliketheFredaoftheyacht,andIwishedthatDerrickcouldbenearher;but,asill—luckwouldhaveit,hewasatsomedistance,hemmedinbyanimpassablebarrierofeagerspectators。
LawrenceVaughanrodepast,lookingwonderfullywellinhisuniform。
Hewasridingaspiritedbay,whichtookFreda’sfancyamazingly,thoughshereservedherchiefenthusiasmforLordStarcrossandhissteed。Itwasnotuntilallwasover,andwehadreturnedtothedrawing—room,thatDerrickmanagedtogetthetalkwithFredaforwhichIknewhewaslonging,andthentheywerefated,apparently,todisagree。Iwasstandingnearandoverheardthecloseoftheirtalk。
\"IdobelieveyoumustbeamemberofthePeaceSociety!\"saidFredaimpatiently。\"OrperhapsyouhaveturnedQuaker。ButIwanttointroduceyoutomygod—father,Mr。Fleming;youknowitwashissonwhomyourbrothersaved。\"
AndIheardDerrickbeingintroducedasthebrotheroftheheroofSaspatarasHill;andthenextdayhereceivedacardforoneofMrs。
Fleming’sreceptions,Lawrencehavingpreviouslybeeninvitedtodinethereonthesamenight。
WhathappenedatthatpartyIneverexactlyunderstood。AllIcouldgatherwasthatLawrencehadbeentremendouslyfeted,thatFredahadbeenpresent,andthatpooroldDerrickwasasmiserableashecouldbewhenInextsawhim。Puttingtwoandtwotogether,Iguessedthathehadbeentantalisedbyameresightofher,possiblytorturedbywatchingmorefavouredmenenjoyinglongtete—a—tetes;
buthewouldsaylittleornothingaboutit,andwhen,soonafter,heandtheMajorleftLondon,Ifearedthatthefortnighthaddonemyfriendharminsteadofgood。
ChapterVII。
\"Theninthathourrejoice,sinceonlythusCanthyproudheartgrowwhollypiteous。
ThusonlytotheworldthyspeechcanflowChargedwiththesadauthorityofwoe。
SincenomannurturedintheshadecansingToatruenoteonepsalmofconquering;
WarriorsmustchantitwhomourowneyesseeRedfromthebattleandmorebruisedthanwe,Menwhohavebornetheworst,haveknownthewhole,Havefeltthelastabeyanceofthesoul。\"
F。W。H。Myers。
AboutthebeginningofAugust,IrejoinedhimatBenRhydding。TheplacesuitedtheMajoradmirably,andhisvariousbathstookupsogreatapartofeachday,thatDerrickhadmoretimetohimselfthanusual,and’AtStrife’gotonrapidly。Hemuchenjoyed,too,thebeautifulcountryround,whilethehotelitself,withitshugegatheringofallsortsandconditionsofpeople,affordedhimendlessstudiesofcharacter。TheMajorbreakfastedinhisownroom,and,beingsomuchengrossedwithhisbaths,didnotgenerallyappeartilltwelve。DerrickandIbreakfastedinthegreatdining—
hall;andonemorning,whenthemealwasover,we,asusual,strolledintothedrawing—roomtoseeiftherewereanylettersawaitingus。
\"Oneforyou,\"Iremarked,handinghimathickenvelope。
\"FromLawrence!\"heexclaimed。
\"Well,don’treaditinhere;theDoctorwillbecomingtoreadprayers。Comeoutinthegarden,\"Isaid。
Wewentoutintothebeautifulgrounds,andhetoreopentheenvelopeandbegantoreadhisletteraswewalked。AllatonceI
feltthearmwhichwaslinkedinminegiveaquick,involuntarymovement,and,lookingup,sawthatDerrickhadturneddeadlypale。
\"What’sup?\"Isaid。Buthereadonwithoutreplying;and,whenI
pausedandsatdownonashelteredrusticseat,heunconsciouslyfollowedmyexample,lookingmorelikeasleep—walkerthanamaninthepossessionofallhisfaculties。Atlasthefinishedtheletter,andlookedupinadazed,miserableway,lettinghiseyeswanderoverthefir—treesandthefragrantshrubsandtheflowersbythepath。
\"Dearoldfellow,whatisthematter?\"Iasked。
Thewordsseemedtorousehim。
Adreadfullookpassedoverhisface——thelookofonestrickentotheheart。Buthisvoicewasperfectlycalm,andfullofaghastlyself—control。
\"Fredawillbemysister—in—law,\"hesaid,ratherasifstatingthefacttohimselfthanansweringmyquestion。
\"Impossible!\"Isaid。\"Whatdoyoumean?Howcould——\"
Asiftosilencemehethrusttheletterintomyhand。Itranasfollows:
\"DearDerrick,——ForthelastfewdaysIhavebeendownintheFlemings’placeinDerbyshire,andfortunehasfavouredme,fortheMerrifieldsareheretoo。Nowprepareyourselfforasurprise。
Breakthenewstothegovernor,andsendmeyourheartiestcongratulationsbyreturnofpost。IamengagedtoFredaMerrifield,andamthehappiestfellowintheworld。Theyareawfullyfastidioussortofpeople,andIdonotbelieveSirRichardwouldhaveconsentedtosuchamatchhaditnotbeenforthatluckyimpulsewhichmademerescueDickFleming。Ithasallbeenarrangedveryquickly,asthesethingsshouldbe,butwehaveseenagooddealofeachother——firstatAldershottheyearbeforelast,andjustlatelyintown,andnowthesefourdaysdownhere——anddaysinacountryhouseareequaltoweekselsewhere。Ienclosealettertomyfather——giveittohimatasuitablemoment——but,afterall,he’ssuretoapproveofadaughter—in—lawwithsuchadowryasMissMerrifieldislikelytohave。
\"Yoursaffly。,\"LawrenceVaughan。\"
Igavehimbacktheletterwithoutaword。Indeadsilencewemovedon,tookaturningwhichledtoalittlenarrowgate,andpassedoutofthegroundstothewildmoorlandcountrybeyond。
Afterall,Fredawasinnowaytoblame。AsameregirlshehadallowedDerricktoseethatshecaredforhim;thencircumstanceshadentirelyseparatedthem;shesawmoreoftheworld,metLawrence,wasperhapsfirstattractedtohimbyhisverylikenesstoDerrick,andfinallyfellinlovewiththeherooftheseason,whomeveryonedelightedtohonour。NorcouldoneblameLawrence,whohadnonotionthathehadsupplantedhisbrother。AlltheblamelaywiththeMajor’sslaverytodrink,forifonlyhehadremainedoutinIndiaIfeelsurethatmatterswouldhavegonequitedifferently。
WetrampedonoverheatherandlingandspringyturftillwereachedtheoldruinknownastheHuntingTower;thenDerrickseemedtoawaketotherecollectionofpresentthings。Helookedathiswatch。
\"Imustgobacktomyfather,\"hesaid,forthefirsttimebreakingthesilence。
\"Youshalldonosuchthing!\"Icried。\"StayouthereandIwillseetotheMajor,andgivehimthelettertooifyoulike。\"
Hecaughtatthesuggestion,andashethankedmeIthinkthereweretearsinhiseyes。SoItooktheletterandsetoffforBenRhydding,leavinghimtogetwhatreliefhecouldfromsolitude,space,andabsolutequiet。OnceIjustglancedback,andsomehowthescenehasalwayslingeredinmymemory——thegreatstretchofdesolatemoor,thedullcrimsonoftheheather,theloweringgreyclouds,theHuntingTowerapatchofdeepergloomagainstthegloomysky,andDerrick’sfigureprostrate,ontheturf,thefacehidden,thehandsgraspingatthesprigsofheathergrowingnear。
TheMajorwasjustreadytobehelpedintothegardenwhenIreachedthehotel。WesatdownintheverysameplacewhereDerrickhadreadthenews,and,whenIjudgeditpolitic,Isuddenlyrememberedwithapologiestheletterthathadbeenentrustedtome。Theoldmanreceiveditwithsatisfaction,forhewasfondofLawrenceandproudofhim,andthenewsoftheengagementpleasedhimgreatly。
Hewasstilldiscussingitwhen,twohourslater,Derrickreturned。
\"Here’sgoodnews!\"saidtheMajor,glancingupashissonapproached。\"TrustLawrencetofallonhisfeet!Hetellsmethegirlwillhaveathousandayear。Youknowher,don’tyou?What’sshelike?\"
\"Ihavemether,\"repliedDerrick,withforcedcomposure。\"Sheisverycharming。\"
\"Lawrencehasallhiswitsabouthim,\"growledtheMajor。\"Whereasyou——\"(severaloathsinterjected)。\"Itwillbealongwhilebeforeanygirlwithadowrywilllookatyou!Whatwomenlikeisaboldmanofaction;whattheydespise,meredabblersinpenandink,writersofpoisonoussensationaltalessuchasyours!I’mquotingyourownreviewers,soyouneedn’tcontradictme!\"
Ofcoursenoonehaddreamtofcontradicting;itwouldhavebeentheworstpossiblepolicy。
\"ShallIhelpyouin?\"saidDerrick。\"Itisjustdinnertime。\"
AndasIwalkedbesidethemtothehotel,listeningtotheMajor’sfloodofirritatingwords,andglancingnowandthenatDerrick’sgrave,resoluteface,whichsuccessfullymaskedsuchbittersuffering,Icouldn’thelpreflectingthatherewascourageinfinitelymoredeservingoftheVictoriaCrossthanLawrence’simpulsiverescue。Verypatientlyhesatthroughthelongdinner。I
doubtifanybutanacuteobservercouldhavetoldthathewasintrouble;and,luckily,theworldingeneralobserveshardlyatall。
HeenduredtheMajortillitwastimeforhimtotakeaTurkishbath,andthenhavingtwohours’freedom,climbedwithmeuptherock—coveredhillatthebackofthehotel。Hewasverysilent。
ButIrememberthat,aswewatchedthesungodown——aglowingcrimsonball,halfveiledingreymist——hesaidabruptly,\"IfLawrencemakesherhappyIcanbearit。AndofcourseIalwaysknewthatIwasnotworthyofher。\"
Derrick’sroomwasalarge,gaunt,ghostlyplaceinoneofthetowersofthehotel,andinonecornerofitwasawindingstairleadingtotheroof。WhenIwentinnextmorningIfoundhimwritingawayathisnoveljustasusual,butwhenIlookedathimitseemedtomethatthenighthadagedhimfearfully。Asarule,hetookinterruptionsasamatterofcourse,andwithperfectsweetnessoftemper;butto—dayheseemedunabletodraghimselfbacktotheouterworld。Hewaswritingatadesperatepacetoo,andfrownedwhenIspoketohim。Itookupthesheetoffoolscapwhichhehadjustfinishedandglancedatthenumberofthepage——evidentlyhehadwrittenanimmensequantitysincethepreviousday。
\"Youwillknockyourselfupifyougoonatthisrate!\"Iexclaimed。
\"Nonsense!\"hesaidsharply。\"Youknowitnevertiresme。\"
Yet,allthesame,hepassedhishandverywearilyoverhisforehead,andstretchedhimselfwiththeairofonewhohadbeeninacrampingpositionformanyhours。
\"Youhavebrokenyourvow!\"Icried。\"Youhavebeenwritingatnight。\"
\"No,\"hesaid;\"itwasmorningwhenIbegan——threeo’clock。Anditpaysbettertogetupandwritethantolieawakethinking。\"
Judgingbythespeedwithwhichthenovelgrewinthenextfewweeks,IcouldtellthatDerrick’snightswereoftheworst。
Hebegan,too,tolookverythinandhaggard,andImorethanoncenoticedthatcurious’sleep—walking’expressioninhiseyes;heseemedtomejustlikeamanwhohasreceivedhisdeath—blow,yetstilllingers——halfalive,halfdead。Ihadanoddfeelingthatitwashisnovelwhichkepthimgoing,andIbegantowonderwhatwouldhappenwhenitwasfinished。
Amonthlater,whenImethimagainatBath,hehadwrittenthelastchapterof’AtStrife,’andwereaditoverthesitting—roomfireonSaturdayevening。Iwasverymuchstruckwiththebook;itseemedtomeagreatadvanceon’Lynwood’sHeritage,’andthepartwhichhehadwrittensincethatdayatBenRhyddingwasfullofanindescribablepower,asifthelifeofwhichhehadbeenrobbedhadflowedintohiswork。Whenhehaddone,hetieduptheMS。inhisusualprosaicfashion,justasifithadbeenabundleofclothes,andputitonasidetable。
ItwasarrangedthatIshouldtakeittoDavison——thepublisherof’Lynwood’sHeritage’——onMonday,andseewhatofferhewouldmakeforit。JustatthattimeIfeltsosorryforDerrickthatifhehadaskedmetohawkroundfiftynovelsIwouldhavedoneit。
Sundaymorningprovedwetanddismal;asaruletheMajor,whowasfondofmusic,attendedserviceattheAbbey,buttheweatherforcedhimnowtostayathome。Imyselfwasatthattimenochurch—goer,butDerrickwould,Iverilybelieve,assoonhavefastedaweekashavegivenupaSundaymorningservice;andhavingnomindtobelefttotheMajor’scompany,andasortofwishtobenearmyfriend,Iwentwithhim。IbelieveitisnotcorrecttoadmireBathAbbey,butforallthat’thelanternofthewest’hasalwaysseemedtomeagrandplace;asforDerrick,hehadahorrorofa’dimreligiouslight,’andalwaysstuckupforhishugewindows,andI
believehelovedtheAbbeywithallhisheart。Indeed,takingitonlyfromasensuouspointofview,Icouldquiteimaginewhatareliefhefoundhisweeklyattendancehere;bycontrastwithhishometheplacewasHeavenitself。
Aswewalkedback,Iaskedaquestionthathadlongbeeninmymind:
\"HaveyouseenanythingofLawrence?\"
\"HesawusacrossLondononourwayfromBenRhydding,\"saidDerrick,steadily。\"Fredacamewithhim,andmyfatherwasdelightedwithher。\"
Iwonderedhowtheyhadgotthroughthemeeting,butofcoursemycuriosityhadtogounsatisfied。OfonethingImightbecertain,namely,thatDerrickhadgonethroughwithitlikeaTrojan,thathehadsmiledandcongratulatedinhisquietway,andhaddonethebesttoeffacehimselfandthinkonlyofFreda。Butaseveryoneknows:
\"Facejoy’sacostlymasktowear,’TisboughtwithpangslongnourishedAndroundedtodespair;\"
andhelookednowevenmorewornandoldthanhehaddoneatBenRhyddinginthefirstdaysofhistrouble。