`She’sbeenwantingmetodigoutthegraveagain，andlethergettothecoffins，’saidthemanwiththespade。`Sheoughttobetookhome，bythelooko’her。Sheishardlyresponsible，poorthing，seemingly。
Can’tdig’emupagainnow，ma’am。Doyegohomewithyourhusband，andtakeitquiet，andthankGodthatthere’llbeanothersoontoswageyergrief。’
ButSuekeptaskingpiteously：`Can’tIseethemoncemore-justonce！Can’tI？Onlyjustonelittleminute，Jude？Itwouldnottakelong！
AndIshouldbesoglad，Jude！Iwillbesogood，andnotdisobeyyoueveranymore，Jude，ifyouwillletme？Iwouldgohomequietlyafterwards，andnotwanttoseethemanymore！Can’tI？Whycan’tI？’
Thusshewenton。Judewasthrownintosuchacutesorrowthathealmostfelthewouldtrytogetthemantoaccede。Butitcoulddonogood，andmightmakeherstillworse；andhesawthatitwasimperativetogetherhomeatonce。Sohecoaxedher，andwhisperedtenderly，andputhisarmroundhertosupporther；tillshehelplesslygavein，andwasinducedtoleavethecemetery。
Hewishedtoobtainaflytotakeherbackin，buteconomybeingsoimperativeshedeprecatedhisdoingso，andtheywalkedalongslowly，Judeinblackcrape，sheinbrownandredclothing。Theyweretohavegonetoanewlodgingthatafternoon，butJudesawthatitwasnotpracticable，andincourseoftimetheyenteredthenowhatedhouse。Suewasatoncegottobed，andthedoctorsentfor。
Judewaitedalltheeveningdownstairs。Ataverylatehourtheintelligencewasbroughttohimthatachildhadbeenprematurelyborn，andthatit，liketheothers，wasacorpse。
JudetheObscureChapter45VI-iiiSuewasconvalescent，thoughshehadhopedfordeath，andJudehadagainobtainedworkathisoldtrade。Theywereinotherlodgingsnow，inthedirectionofBeersheba，andnotfarfromtheChurchofCeremonies-SaintSilas。
Theywouldsitsilent，morebodefulofthedirectantagonismofthingsthanoftheirinsensateandstolidobstructiveness。VagueandquaintimaginingshadhauntedSueinthedayswhenherintellectscintillatedlikeastar，thattheworldresembledastanzaormelodycomposedinadream；itwaswonderfullyexcellenttothehalf-arousedintelligence，buthopelesslyabsurdatthefullwaking；thatthefirstcauseworkedautomaticallylikeasomnambulist，andnotreflectivelylikeasage；thatattheframingoftheterrestrialconditionsthereseemednevertohavebeencontemplatedsuchadevelopmentofemotionalperceptivenessamongthecreaturessubjecttothoseconditionsasthatreachedbythinkingandeducatedhumanity。
Butafflictionmakesopposingforcesloomanthropomorphous；andthoseideaswerenowexchangedforasenseofJudeandherselffleeingfromapersecutor。
`Wemustconform！’shesaidmournfully。`AlltheancientwrathofthePoweraboveushasbeenventeduponus。Hispoorcreatures，andwemustsubmit。Thereisnochoice。Wemust。ItisnousefightingagainstGod！’
`Itisonlyagainstmanandsenselesscircumstance，’saidJude。
`True！’shemurmured。`WhathaveIbeenthinkingof！Iamgettingassuperstitiousasasavage！……Butwhoeverorwhateverourfoemaybe，Iamcowedintosubmission。Ihavenomorefightingstrengthleft；nomoreenterprise。Iambeaten，beaten！……`Wearemadeaspectacleuntotheworld，andtoangels，andtomen！’Iamalwayssayingthatnow。’
`Ifeelthesame！’
`Whatshallwedo？Youareinworknow；butremember，itmayonlybebecauseourhistoryandrelationsarenotabsolutelyknown……Possibly，iftheyknewourmarriagehadnotbeenformalizedtheywouldturnyououtofyourjobastheydidatAldbrickham！’
`Ihardlyknow。Perhapstheywouldhardlydothat。However，I
thinkthatweoughttomakeitlegalnow-assoonasyouareabletogoout。’
`Youthinkweought？’
`Certainly。’
AndJudefellintothought。`Ihaveseemedtomyselflately，’
hesaid，`tobelongtothatvastbandofmenshunnedbythevirtuous-
themencalledseducers。ItamazesmewhenIthinkofit！Ihavenotbeenconsciousofit，orofanywrongdoingtowardsyou，whomIlovemorethanmyself。YetIamoneofthosemen！Iwonderifanyotherofthemarethesamepurblind，simplecreaturesasI？……Yes，Sue-that’swhatIam。
Iseducedyou……Youwereadistincttype-arefinedcreature，intendedbyNaturetobeleftintact。ButIcouldn’tleaveyoualone！’
`No，no，Jude！’shesaidquickly。`Don’treproachyourselfwithbeingwhatyouarenot。IfanybodyistoblameitisI。’
`IsupportedyouinyourresolvetoleavePhillotson；andwithoutmeperhapsyouwouldn’thaveurgedhimtoletyougo。’
`Ishouldhave，justthesame。Astoourselves，thefactofournothavingenteredintoalegalcontractisthesavingfeatureinourunion。
Wehavetherebyavoidedinsulting，asitwere，thesolemnityofourfirstmarriages。’
`Solemnity？’Judelookedatherwithsomesurprise，andgrewconsciousthatshewasnottheSueoftheirearliertime。
`Yes，’shesaid，withalittlequiverinherwords，`Ihavehaddreadfulfears，adreadfulsenseofmyowninsolenceofaction。Ihavethought-thatIamstillhiswife！’
`Whose？’
`Richard’s。’
`GoodGod，dearest！-why？’
`OhIcan’texplain！Onlythethoughtcomestome。’
`Itisyourweakness-asickfancy，withoutreasonormeaning！
Don’tletittroubleyou。’
Suesigheduneasily。
Asaset-offagainstsuchdiscussionsasthesetherehadcomeanimprovementintheirpecuniaryposition，whichearlierintheirexperiencewouldhavemadethemcheerful。Judehadquiteunexpectedlyfoundgoodemploymentathisoldtradealmostdirectlyhearrived，thesummerweathersuitinghisfragileconstitution；andoutwardlyhisdayswentonwiththatmonotonousuniformitywhichisinitselfsogratefulaftervicissitude。Peopleseemedtohaveforgottenthathehadevershownanyawkwardaberrancies：andhedailymountedtotheparapetsandcopingsofcollegeshecouldneverenter，andrenewedthecrumblingfreestonesofmullionedwindowshewouldneverlookfrom，asifhehadknownnowishtodootherwise。
Therewasthischangeinhim；thathedidnotoftengotoanyserviceatthechurchesnow。Onethingtroubledhimmorethananyother；
thatSueandhimselfhadmentallytravelledinoppositedirectionssincethetragedy：eventswhichhadenlargedhisownviewsoflife，laws，customs，anddogmas，hadnotoperatedinthesamemanneronSue’s。Shewasnolongerthesameasintheindependentdays，whenherintellectplayedlikelambentlightningoverconventionsandformalitieswhichheatthattimerespected，thoughhedidnotnow。
OnaparticularSundayeveninghecameinratherlate。Shewasnotathome，butshesoonreturned，whenhefoundhersilentandmeditative。
`Whatareyouthinkingof，littlewoman？’heaskedcuriously。
`OhIcan’ttellclearly！Ihavethoughtthatwehavebeenselfish，careless，evenimpious，inourcourses，youandI。Ourlifehasbeenavainattemptatself-delight。Butself-abnegationisthehigherroad。Weshouldmortifytheflesh-theterribleflesh-thecurseofAdam！’
`Sue！’hemurmured。`Whathascomeoveryou？’
`Weoughttobecontinuallysacrificingourselvesonthealtarofduty！ButIhavealwaysstriventodowhathaspleasedme。IwelldeservedthescourgingIhavegot！Iwishsomethingwouldtaketheevilrightoutofme，andallmymonstrouserrors，andallmysinfulways！’
`Sue-myowntoosufferingdear！-there’snoevilwomaninyou。
Yournaturalinstinctsareperfectlyhealthy；notquitesoimpassioned，perhaps，asIcouldwish；butgood，anddear，andpure。AndasIhaveoftensaid，youareabsolutelythemostethereal，leastsensualwomanIeverknewtoexistwithoutinhumansexlessness。Whydoyoutalkinsuchachangedway？Wehavenotbeenselfish，exceptwhennoonecouldprofitbyourbeingotherwise。Youusedtosaythathumannaturewasnobleandlong-suffering，notvileandcorrupt，andatlastIthoughtyouspoketruly。Andnowyouseemtotakesuchamuchlowerview！’
`Iwantahumbleheart；andachastenedmind；andIhaveneverhadthemyet！’
`Youhavebeenfearless，bothasathinkerandasafeeler，andyoudeservedmoreadmirationthanIgave。Iwastoofullofnarrowdogmasatthattimetoseeit。’
`Don’tsaythat，Jude！Iwishmyeveryfearlesswordandthoughtcouldberootedoutofmyhistory。Self-renunciation-that’severything！
Icannothumiliatemyselftoomuch。Ishouldliketoprickmyselfalloverwithpinsandbleedoutthebadnessthat’sinme！’
`Hush！’hesaid，pressingherlittlefaceagainsthisbreastasifshewereaninfant。`Itisbereavementthathasbroughtyoutothis！
Suchremorseisnotforyou，mysensitiveplant，butforthewickedonesoftheearth-whoneverfeelit！’
`Ioughtnottostaylikethis，’shemurmured，whenshehadremainedinthepositionalongwhile。
`Whynot？’
`Itisindulgence。’
`Stillonthesametack！Butisthereanythingbetteronearththanthatweshouldloveoneanother？’
`Yes。Itdependsonthesortoflove；andyours-oursisthewrong。’
`Iwon’thaveit，Sue！Come，whendoyouwishourmarriagetobesignedinavestry？’
Shepaused，andlookedupuneasily。`Never，’shewhispered。
Notknowingthewholeofhermeaninghetooktheobjectionserenely，andsaidnothing。Severalminuteselapsed，andhethoughtshehadfallenasleep；buthespokesoftly，andfoundthatshewaswideawakeallthetime。Shesatuprightandsighed。
`Thereisastrange，indescribableperfumeoratmosphereaboutyouto-night，Sue，’hesaid。`Imeannotonlymentally，butaboutyourclothes，also。Asortofvegetablescent，whichIseemtoknow，yetcannotremember。’
`Itisincense。’
`Incense？’
`IhavebeentotheserviceatSt。Silas’，andIwasinthefumesofit。’
`Oh-St。Silas’。’
`Yes。Igotheresometimes。’
`Indeed。Yougothere！’
`Yousee，Jude，itislonelyhereintheweekdaymornings，whenyouareatwork，andIthinkandthinkof-ofmy-`Shestoppedtillshecouldcontrolthelumpinessofherthroat。`AndIhavetakentogointhere，asitissonear。’
`Ohwell-ofcourse，Isaynothingagainstit。Onlyitisodd，foryou。Theylittlethinkwhatsortofchielisamangthem！’
`Whatdoyoumean，Jude？’
`Well-asceptic，tobeplain。’
`Howcanyoupainmeso，dearJude，inmytrouble！YetIknowyoudidn’tmeanit。Butyououghtnottosaythat。’
`Iwon’t。ButIammuchsurprised！’
`Well-Iwanttotellyousomethingelse，Jude。Youwon’tbeangry，willyou？Ihavethoughtofitagooddealsincemybabiesdied。
Idon’tthinkIoughttobeyourwife-orasyourwife-anylonger。’
`What？……Butyouare！’
`Fromyourpointofview；but-’
`Ofcoursewewereafraidoftheceremony，andagoodmanyotherswouldhavebeeninourplaces，withsuchstrongreasonsforfears。Butexperiencehasprovedhowwemisjudgedourselves，andoverratedourinfirmities；
andifyouarebeginningtorespectritesandceremonies，asyouseemtobe，Iwonderyoudon’tsayitshallbecarriedoutinstantly？Youcertainlyaremywife，Sue，inallbutlaw。Whatdoyoumeanbywhatyousaid？’
`Idon’tthinkIam！’
`Not？Butsupposewehadgonethroughtheceremony？Wouldyoufeelthatyouwerethen？’
`No。IshouldnotfeeleventhenthatIwas。IshouldfeelworsethanIdonow。’
`Whyso-inthenameofallthat’sperverse，mydear？’
`BecauseIamRichard’s。’
`Ah-youhintedthatabsurdfancytomebefore！’
`Itwasonlyanimpressionwithmethen；Ifeelmoreandmoreconvincedastimegoesonthat-Ibelongtohim，ortonobody。’
`Mygoodheavens-howwearechangingplaces！’
`Yes。Perhapsso。’