`ItismorethanIhadrememberedmyself。’
HerMajesty’sschool-inspectorwasatthattimepaying`surprise-visits’
inthisneighbourhoodtotesttheteachingunawares；andtwodayslater，inthemiddleofthemorninglessons，thelatchofthedoorwassoftlylifted，andinwalkedmygentleman，thekingofterrors-topupil-teachers。
ToMr。Phillotsonthesurprisewasnotgreat；liketheladyinthestoryhehadbeenplayedthattricktoomanytimestobeunprepared。
ButSue’sclasswasatthefurtherendoftheroom，andherbackwastowardstheentrance；theinspectorthereforecameandstoodbehindherandwatchedherteachingsomehalf-minutebeforeshebecameawareofhispresence。
Sheturned，andrealizedthatanoft-dreadedmomenthadcome。Theeffectuponhertimiditywassuchthatsheutteredacryoffright。Phillotson，withastrangeinstinctofsolicitudequitebeyondhiscontrol，wasathersidejustintimetopreventherfallingfromfaintness。Shesoonrecoveredherself，andlaughed；butwhentheinspectorhadgonetherewasareaction，andshewassowhitethatPhillotsontookherintohisroom，andgavehersomebrandytobringherround。Shefoundhimholdingherhand。
`Yououghttohavetoldme，’shegaspedpetulantly，`thatoneoftheinspector’ssurprise-visitswasimminent！Oh，whatshallIdo！Nowhe’llwriteandtellthemanagersthatIamnogood，andIshallbedisgracedforever！’
`Hewon’tdothat，mydearlittlegirl。YouarethebestteachereverIhad！’
Helookedsogentlyatherthatshewasmoved，andregrettedthatshehadupbraidedhim。Whenshewasbettershewenthome。
JudeinthemeantimehadbeenwaitingimpatientlyforFriday。
OnbothWednesdayandThursdayhehadbeensomuchundertheinfluenceofhisdesiretoseeherthathewalkedafterdarksomedistancealongtheroadinthedirectionofthevillage，and，onreturningtohisroomtoread，foundhimselfquiteunabletoconcentratehismindonthepage。
OnFriday，assoonashehadgothimselfupashethoughtSuewouldliketoseehim，andmadeahastytea，hesetout，notwithstandingthattheeveningwaswet。Thetreesoverheaddeepenedthegloomofthehour，andtheydrippedsadlyuponhim，impressinghimwithforebodings-illogicalforebodings；forthoughheknewthathelovedherhealsoknewthathecouldnotbemoretoherthanhewas。
Onturningthecornerandenteringthevillagethefirstsightthatgreetedhiseyeswasthatoftwofiguresunderoneumbrellacomingoutofthevicaragegate。Hewastoofarbackforthemtonoticehim，butheknewinamomentthattheywereSueandPhillotson。Thelatterwasholdingtheumbrellaoverherhead，andtheyhadevidentlybeenpayingavisittothevicar-probablyonsomebusinessconnectedwiththeschoolwork。
AndastheywalkedalongthewetanddesertedlaneJudesawPhillotsonplacehisarmroundthegirl’swaist；whereuponshegentlyremovedit；
buthereplacedit；andsheletitremain，lookingquicklyroundherwithanairofmisgiving。Shedidnotlookabsolutelybehindher，andthereforedidnotseeJude，whosankintothehedgelikeonestruckwithablight。
ThereheremainedhiddentilltheyhadreachedSue’scottageandshehadpassedin，Phillotsongoingontotheschoolhardby。
`Oh，he’stoooldforher-tooold！’criedJudeinalltheterriblesicknessofhopeless，handicappedlove。
Hecouldnotinterfere。WashenotArabella’s？Hewasunabletogoonfurther，andretracedhisstepstowardsChristminster。Everytreadofhisfeetseemedtosaytohimthathemustonnoaccountstandintheschoolmaster’swaywithSue。Phillotsonwasperhapstwentyyearshersenior，butmanyahappymarriagehadbeenmadeinsuchconditionsofage。Theironicalclinchtohissorrowwasgivenbythethoughtthattheintimacybetweenhiscousinandtheschoolmasterhadbeenbroughtaboutentirelybyhimself。
JudetheObscureChapter17II-viJude’soldandembitteredauntlayunwellatMarygreen，andonthefollowingSundayhewenttoseeher-avisitwhichwastheresultofavictoriousstruggleagainsthisinclinationtoturnasidetothevillageofLumsdonandobtainamiserableinterviewwithhiscousin，inwhichthewordnearesthisheartcouldnotbespoken，andthesightwhichhadtorturedhimcouldnotberevealed。
Hisauntwasnowunabletoleaveherbed，andagreatpartofJude’sshortdaywasoccupiedinmakingarrangementsforhercomfort。Thelittlebakerybusinesshadbeensoldtoaneighbour，andwiththeproceedsofthisandhersavingsshewascomfortablysuppliedwithnecessariesandmore，awidowofthesamevillagelivingwithherandministeringtoherwants。Itwasnottillthetimehadnearlycomeforhimtoleavethatheobtainedaquiettalkwithher，andhiswordstendedinsensiblytowardshiscousin。
`WasSuebornhere？’
`Shewas-inthisroom。Theywerelivinghereatthattime。Whatmade’eeaskthat？’
`Oh-Iwantedtoknow。’
`Nowyou’vebeenseeingher！’saidtheharsholdwoman。`AndwhatdidItell’ee？’
`Well-thatIwasnottoseeher。’
`Haveyougossipedwithher？’
`Yes。’
`Thendon’tkeepitup。Shewasbroughtupbyherfathertohatehermother’sfamily；andshe’lllookwithnofavouruponaworkingchaplikeyou-atownishgirlasshe’sbecomebynow。Inevercaredmuchabouther。Apertlittlething，that’swhatshewastoooften，withhertight-strainednerves。Many’sthetimeI’vesmackedherforherimpertinence。Why，onedaywhenshewaswalkingintothepondwithhershoesandstockingsoff，andherpetticoatspulledaboveherknees，aforeIcouldcryoutforshame，shesaid：`Moveon，Aunty！Thisisnosightformodesteyes！’’
`Shewasalittlechildthen。’
`Shewastwelveifaday。’
`Well-ofcourse。Butnowshe’soldershe’sofathoughtful，quivering，tendernature，andassensitiveas-’
`Jude！’criedhisaunt，springingupinbed。`Don’tyoubeafoolabouther！’
`No，no，ofcoursenot。’
`YourmarryingthatwomanArabellawasaboutasbadathingasamancouldpossiblydoforhimselfbytryinghard。Butshe’sgonetotheothersideoftheworld，andmednevertroubleyouagain。Andthere’llbeaworsethingifyou，tiedandboundasyoube，shouldhaveafancyforSue。Ifyourcousinisciviltoyou，takehercivilityforwhatitisworth。Butanythingmorethanarelation’sgoodwishesitisstarkmadnessfor’eetogiveher。Ifshe’stownishandwantonitmedbring’eetoruin。’
`Don’tsayanythingagainsther，Aunt！Don’t，please！’
Areliefwasaffordedtohimbytheentryofthecompanionandnurseofhisaunt，whomusthavebeenlisteningtotheconversation，forshebeganacommentaryonpastyears，introducingSueBrideheadasacharacterinherrecollections。ShedescribedwhatanoddlittlemaidSuehadbeenwhenapupilatthevillageschoolacrossthegreenopposite，beforeherfatherwenttoLondon-how，whenthevicararrangedreadingsandrecitations，sheappearedontheplatform，thesmallestofthemall，`inherlittlewhitefrock，andshoes，andpinksash’；howsherecited`Excelsior，’`Therewasasoundofrevelrybynight，’and`TheRaven’；howduringthedeliveryshewouldknitherlittlebrowsandglareroundtragically，andsaytotheemptyair，asifsomerealcreaturestoodthere-`Ghastly，grim，andancientRaven，wanderingfromtheNightlyshore，TellmewhatthylordlynameisontheNight’sPlutonianshore！’`She’dbringupthenastycarrionbirdthatclear，’corroboratedthesickwomanreluctantly，`asshestoodthereinherlittlesashandthings，thatyoucouldseeuna’mostbeforeyourveryeyes。Youtoo，Jude，hadthesametrickasachildofseemingtoseethingsintheair。’
TheneighbourtoldalsoofSue’saccomplishmentsinotherkinds：
`Shewasnotexactlyatomboy，youknow；butshecoulddothingsthatonlyboysdo，asarule。I’veseenherhitinandsteerdownthelongslideonyonderpond，withherlittlecurlsblowing，oneofafileoftwentymovingalongagainsttheskylikeshapespaintedonglass，andupthebackslidewithoutstopping。Allboysexceptherself；andthenthey’dcheerher，andthenshe’dsay，`Don’tbesaucy，boys，’andsuddenlyrunindoors。
They’dtrytocoaxheroutagain。But’awouldn’tcome。’
TheseretrospectivevisionsofSueonlymadeJudethemoremiserablethathewasunabletowooher，andheleftthecottageofhisauntthatdaywithaheavyheart。HewouldfainhaveglancedintotheschooltoseetheroominwhichSue’slittlefigurehadsoglorifieditself；buthecheckedhisdesireandwenton。
ItbeingSundayeveningsomevillagerswhohadknownhimduringhisresidenceherewerestandinginagroupintheirbestclothes。Judewasstartledbyasalutefromoneofthem：
`Ye’vegotthererightenough，then！’
Judeshowedthathedidnotunderstand。
`Why，totheseatofl’arning-the`CityofLight’youusedtotalktousaboutasalittleboy！Isitallyouexpectedofit？’
`Yes；more！’criedJude。
`WhenIwasthereonceforanhourIdidn’tseemuchinitformypart；auldcrumblingbuildings，halfchurch，halfalmshouse，andnotmuchgoingonatthat。’
`Youarewrong，John；thereismoregoingonthanmeetstheeyeofamanwalkingthroughthestreets。Itisauniquecentreofthoughtandreligion-theintellectualandspiritualgranaryofthiscountry。
Allthatsilenceandabsenceofgoings-onisthestillnessofinfinitemotion-thesleepofthespinning-top，toborrowthesimileofawell-knownwriter。’
`Oh，well，itmedbeallthat，oritmednot。AsIsay，Ididn’tseenothingofitthehourortwoIwasthere；soIwentinandhadapoto’beer，andapennyloaf，andaha’portho’cheese，andwaitedtillitwastimetocomealonghome。You’vej’inedacollegebythistime，Isuppose？’
`Ah，no！’saidJude。`Iamalmostasfaroffthatasever。’
`Howso？’
Judeslappedhispocket。
`Justwhatwethought！Suchplacesbenotforsuchasyou-onlyforthemwithplentyo’money。’
`Thereyouarewrong，’saidJude，withsomebitterness。`Theyareforsuchones！’
Still，theremarkwassufficienttowithdrawJude’sattentionfromtheimaginativeworldhehadlatelyinhabited，inwhichanabstractfigure，moreorlesshimself，wassteepinghismindinasublimationoftheartsandsciences，andmakinghiscallingandelectionsuretoaseatintheparadiseofthelearned。Hewassetregardinghisprospectsinacoldnorthernlight。HehadlatelyfeltthathecouldnotquitesatisfyhimselfinhisGreek-intheGreekofthedramatistsparticularly。Sofatiguedwashesometimesafterhisday’sworkthathecouldnotmaintainthecriticalattentionnecessaryforthoroughapplication。Hefeltthathewantedacoach-afriendathiselbowtotellhiminamomentwhatsometimeswouldoccupyhimawearymonthinextractingfromunanticipative，clumsybooks。
Itwasdecidedlynecessarytoconsiderfactsalittlemorecloselythanhehaddoneoflate。Whatwasthegood，afterall，ofusinguphissparehoursinavaguelabourcalled`privatestudy’withoutgivinganoutlookonpracticabilities？
`Ioughttohavethoughtofthisbefore，’hesaid，ashejourneyedback。`ItwouldhavebeenbetternevertohaveembarkedintheschemeatallthantodoitwithoutseeingclearlywhereIamgoing，orwhatIamaimingat……Thishoveringoutsidethewallsofthecolleges，asifexpectingsomearmtobestretchedoutfromthemtoliftmeinside，won’tdo！Imustgetspecialinformation。’
Thenextweekaccordinglyhesoughtit。Whatatfirstseemedanopportunityoccurredoneafternoonwhenhesawanelderlygentleman，whohadbeenpointedoutastheheadofaparticularcollege，walkinginthepublicpathofaparklikeenclosurenearthespotatwhichJudechancedtobesitting。Thegentlemancamenearer，andJudelookedanxiouslyathisface。Itseemedbenign，considerate，yetratherreserved。OnsecondthoughtsJudefeltthathecouldnotgoupandaddresshim；buthewassufficientlyinfluencedbytheincidenttothinkwhatawisethingitwouldbeforhimtostatehisdifficultiesbylettertosomeofthebestandmostjudiciousoftheseoldmasters，andobtaintheiradvice。
Duringthenextweekortwoheaccordinglyplacedhimselfinsuchpositionsaboutthecityaswouldaffordhimglimpsesofseveralofthemostdistinguishedamongtheprovosts，wardens，andotherheadsofhouses；
andfromthoseheultimatelyselectedfivewhosephysiognomiesseemedtosaytohimthattheywereappreciativeandfar-seeingmen。Tothesefiveheaddressedletters，brieflystatinghisdifficulties，andaskingtheiropiniononhisstrandedsituation。
WhentheletterswerepostedJudementallybegantocriticizethem；hewishedtheyhadnotbeensent。`Itisjustoneofthoseintrusive，vulgar，pushing，applicationswhicharesocommoninthesedays，’hethought。