第65章
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  Butthereisnotimefixed;perhapsto-morrow,orwheneveryourspiritsarecomposedenough。Forthepresentyouhaveonlytotranquilliseyourself。Checkthesetears;

  theydobutexhaustyou。If,asIamwillingtosuppose,youwishtoshewmeanyobservance,youwillnotgivewaytotheseemotions,butendeavourtoreasonyourselfintoastrongerframeofmind。Iadviseyoutogoout:

  theairwilldoyougood;gooutforanhouronthegravel;

  youwillhavetheshrubberytoyourself,andwillbethebetterforairandexercise。And,Fanny“turningbackagainforamoment,“Ishallmakenomentionbelowofwhathaspassed;IshallnoteventellyourauntBertram。

  Thereisnooccasionforspreadingthedisappointment;

  saynothingaboutityourself。“

  Thiswasanordertobemostjoyfullyobeyed;thiswasanactofkindnesswhichFannyfeltatherheart。

  TobesparedfromherauntNorris’sinterminablereproaches!heleftherinaglowofgratitude。

  Anythingmightbebearableratherthansuchreproaches。

  EventoseeMr。Crawfordwouldbelessoverpowering。

  Shewalkedoutdirectly,asherunclerecommended,andfollowedhisadvicethroughout,asfarasshecould;

  didcheckhertears;didearnestlytrytocomposeherspiritsandstrengthenhermind。Shewishedtoprovetohimthatshediddesirehiscomfort,andsoughttoregainhisfavour;

  andhehadgivenheranotherstrongmotiveforexertion,inkeepingthewholeaffairfromtheknowledgeofheraunts。

  Nottoexcitesuspicionbyherlookormannerwasnowanobjectworthattaining;andshefeltequaltoalmostanythingthatmightsaveherfromherauntNorris。

  Shewasstruck,quitestruck,when,onreturningfromherwalkandgoingintotheEastroomagain,thefirstthingwhichcaughthereyewasafirelightedandburning。

  Afire!itseemedtoomuch;justatthattimetobegivinghersuchanindulgencewasexcitingevenpainfulgratitude。

  ShewonderedthatSirThomascouldhaveleisuretothinkofsuchatrifleagain;butshesoonfound,fromthevoluntaryinformationofthehousemaid,whocameintoattendit,thatsoitwastobeeveryday。SirThomashadgivenordersforit。

  “Imustbeabrute,indeed,ifIcanbereallyungrateful!“

  saidshe,insoliloquy。“Heavendefendmefrombeingungrateful!“

  Shesawnothingmoreofheruncle,norofherauntNorris,tilltheymetatdinner。Heruncle’sbehaviourtoherwasthenasnearlyaspossiblewhatithadbeenbefore;

  shewassurehedidnotmeanthereshouldbeanychange,andthatitwasonlyherownconsciencethatcouldfancyany;

  butherauntwassoonquarrellingwithher;andwhenshefoundhowmuchandhowunpleasantlyherhavingonlywalkedoutwithoutheraunt’sknowledgecouldbedwelton,shefeltallthereasonshehadtoblessthekindnesswhichsavedherfromthesamespiritofreproach,exertedonamoremomentoussubject。

  “IfIhadknownyouweregoingout,IshouldhavegotyoujusttogoasfarasmyhousewithsomeordersforNanny,“

  saidshe,“whichIhavesince,tomyverygreatinconvenience,beenobligedtogoandcarrymyself。Icouldveryillsparethetime,andyoumighthavesavedmethetrouble,ifyouwouldonlyhavebeensogoodastoletusknowyouweregoingout。Itwouldhavemadenodifferencetoyou,Isuppose,whetheryouhadwalkedintheshrubberyorgonetomyhouse。“

  “IrecommendedtheshrubberytoFannyasthedriestplace,“

  saidSirThomas。

  “Oh!“saidMrs。Norris,withamoment’scheck,“thatwasverykindofyou,SirThomas;butyoudonotknowhowdrythepathistomyhouse。Fannywouldhavehadquiteasgoodawalkthere,Iassureyou,withtheadvantageofbeingofsomeuse,andobligingheraunt:

  itisallherfault。IfshewouldbuthaveletusknowshewasgoingoutbutthereisasomethingaboutFanny,Ihaveoftenobserveditbefore——shelikestogoherownwaytowork;shedoesnotliketobedictatedto;

  shetakesherownindependentwalkwhenevershecan;

  shecertainlyhasalittlespiritofsecrecy,andindependence,andnonsense,abouther,whichIwouldadvisehertogetthebetterof。“

  AsageneralreflectiononFanny,SirThomasthoughtnothingcouldbemoreunjust,thoughhehadbeensolatelyexpressingthesamesentimentshimself,andhetriedtoturntheconversation:triedrepeatedlybeforehecouldsucceed;

  forMrs。Norrishadnotdiscernmentenoughtoperceive,eithernow,oratanyothertime,towhatdegreehethoughtwellofhisniece,orhowveryfarhewasfromwishingtohavehisownchildren’smeritssetoffbythedepreciationofhers。Shewastalking_at_Fanny,andresentingthisprivatewalkhalfthroughthedinner。

  Itwasover,however,atlast;andtheeveningsetinwithmorecomposuretoFanny,andmorecheerfulnessofspiritsthanshecouldhavehopedforaftersostormyamorning;

  butshetrusted,inthefirstplace,thatshehaddoneright:

  thatherjudgmenthadnotmisledher。Forthepurityofherintentionsshecouldanswer;andshewaswillingtohope,secondly,thatheruncle’sdispleasurewasabating,andwouldabatefartherasheconsideredthematterwithmoreimpartiality,andfelt,asagoodmanmustfeel,howwretched,andhowunpardonable,howhopeless,andhowwickeditwastomarrywithoutaffection。

  Whenthemeetingwithwhichshewasthreatenedforthemorrowwaspast,shecouldnotbutflatterherselfthatthesubjectwouldbefinallyconcluded,andMr。CrawfordoncegonefromMansfield,thateverythingwouldsoonbeasifnosuchsubjecthadexisted。Shewouldnot,couldnotbelieve,thatMr。Crawford’saffectionforhercoulddistresshimlong;hismindwasnotofthatsort。

  Londonwouldsoonbringitscure。InLondonhewouldsoonlearntowonderathisinfatuation,andbethankfulfortherightreasoninherwhichhadsavedhimfromitsevilconsequences。

  WhileFanny’smindwasengagedinthesesortofhopes,herunclewas,soonaftertea,calledoutoftheroom;

  anoccurrencetoocommontostrikeher,andshethoughtnothingofittillthebutlerreappearedtenminutesafterwards,andadvancingdecidedlytowardsherself,said,“SirThomaswishestospeakwithyou,ma’am,inhisownroom。“

  Thenitoccurredtoherwhatmightbegoingon;asuspicionrushedoverhermindwhichdrovethecolourfromhercheeks;

  butinstantlyrising,shewaspreparingtoobey,whenMrs。Norriscalledout,“Stay,stay,Fanny!whatareyouabout?whereareyougoing?don’tbeinsuchahurry。Dependuponit,itisnotyouwhoarewanted;dependuponit,itisme“

  lookingatthebutler;“butyouaresoveryeagertoputyourselfforward。WhatshouldSirThomaswantyoufor?

  Itisme,Baddeley,youmean;Iamcomingthismoment。

  Youmeanme,Baddeley,Iamsure;SirThomaswantsme,notMissPrice。“

  ButBaddeleywasstout。“No,ma’am,itisMissPrice;

  IamcertainofitsbeingMissPrice。“Andtherewasahalf-smilewiththewords,whichmeant,“Idonotthinkyouwouldanswerthepurposeatall。“

  Mrs。Norris,muchdiscontented,wasobligedtocomposeherselftoworkagain;andFanny,walkingoffinagitatingconsciousness,foundherself,assheanticipated,inanotherminutealonewithMr。Crawford。

  Theconferencewasneithersoshortnorsoconclusiveastheladyhaddesigned。Thegentlemanwasnotsoeasilysatisfied。HehadallthedispositiontoperseverethatSirThomascouldwishhim。Hehadvanity,whichstronglyinclinedhiminthefirstplacetothinkshedidlovehim,thoughshemightnotknowitherself;

  andwhich,secondly,whenconstrainedatlasttoadmitthatshedidknowherownpresentfeelings,convincedhimthatheshouldbeableintimetomakethosefeelingswhathewished。

  Hewasinlove,verymuchinlove;anditwasalovewhich,operatingonanactive,sanguinespirit,ofmorewarmththandelicacy,madeheraffectionappearofgreaterconsequencebecauseitwaswithheld,anddeterminedhimtohavetheglory,aswellasthefelicity,offorcinghertolovehim。

  Hewouldnotdespair:hewouldnotdesist。Hehadeverywell-groundedreasonforsolidattachment;heknewhertohavealltheworththatcouldjustifythewarmesthopesoflastinghappinesswithher;herconductatthisverytime,byspeakingthedisinterestednessanddelicacyofhercharacterqualitieswhichhebelievedmostrareindeed,wasofasorttoheightenallhiswishes,andconfirmallhisresolutions。Heknewnotthathehadapre-engagedhearttoattack。Of_that_hehadnosuspicion。

  Heconsideredherratherasonewhohadneverthoughtonthesubjectenoughtobeindanger;whohadbeenguardedbyyouth,ayouthofmindaslovelyasofperson;

  whosemodestyhadpreventedherfromunderstandinghisattentions,andwhowasstilloverpoweredbythesuddennessofaddressessowhollyunexpected,andthenoveltyofasituationwhichherfancyhadnevertakenintoaccount。

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