第46章
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  “Itmakesoneawfullyqueer,don’tyoufind?“hecomplained。

  “Thesetreesgetonone’snerves——it’sallsocrazy。

  God’sundoubtedlymad。Whatsanepersoncouldhaveconceivedawildernesslikethis,andpeopleditwithapesandalligators?

  IshouldgomadifIlivedhere——ravingmad。“

  Terenceattemptedtoanswerhim,butMrs。Ambroserepliedinstead。

  Shebadehimlookatthewaythingsmassedthemselves——lookattheamazingcolours,lookattheshapesofthetrees。SheseemedtobeprotectingTerencefromtheapproachoftheothers。

  “Yes,“saidMr。Flushing。“Andinmyopinion,“hecontinued,“theabsenceofpopulationtowhichHirstobjectsispreciselythesignificanttouch。Youmustadmit,Hirst,thatalittleItaliantownevenwouldvulgarisethewholescene,woulddetractfromthevastness——thesenseofelementalgrandeur。“Heswepthishandstowardstheforest,andpausedforamoment,lookingatthegreatgreenmass,whichwasnowfallingsilent。“Iownitmakesusseemprettysmall——us,notthem。“Henoddedhisheadatasailorwholeantoverthesidespittingintotheriver。“Andthat,Ithink,iswhatmywifefeels,theessentialsuperiorityofthepeasant——“

  UndercoverofMr。Flushing’swords,whichcontinuednowgentlyreasoningwithSt。Johnandpersuadinghim,TerencedrewRacheltotheside,pointingostensiblytoagreatgnarledtree-trunkwhichhadfallenandlayhalfinthewater。Hewished,atanyrate,tobenearher,buthefoundthathecouldsaynothing。TheycouldhearMr。Flushingflowingon,nowabouthiswife,nowaboutart,nowaboutthefutureofthecountry,littlemeaninglesswordsfloatinghighinair。AsitwasbecomingcoldhebegantopacethedeckwithHirst。Fragmentsoftheirtalkcameoutdistinctlyastheypassed——art,emotion,truth,reality。

  “Isittrue,orisitadream?“Rachelmurmured,whentheyhadpassed。

  “It’strue,it’strue,“hereplied。

  Butthebreezefreshened,andtherewasageneraldesireformovement。

  Whenthepartyrearrangedthemselvesundercoverofrugsandcloaks,TerenceandRachelwereatoppositeendsofthecircle,andcouldnotspeaktoeachother。Butasthedarkdescended,thewordsoftheothersseemedtocurlupandvanishastheashesofburntpaper,andleftthemsittingperfectlysilentatthebottomoftheworld。

  Occasionalstartsofexquisitejoyranthroughthem,andthentheywerepeacefulagain。

  ThankstoMr。Flushing’sdiscipline,therightstagesoftheriverwerereachedattherighthours,andwhennextmorningafterbreakfastthechairswereagaindrawnoutinasemicircleinthebow,thelaunchwaswithinafewmilesofthenativecampwhichwasthelimitofthejourney。Mr。Flushing,ashesatdown,advisedthemtokeeptheireyesfixedontheleftbank,wheretheywouldsoonpassaclearing,andinthatclearing,wasahutwhereMackenzie,thefamousexplorer,haddiedoffeversometenyearsago,almostwithinreachofcivilisation——Mackenzie,herepeated,themanwhowentfartherinlandthananyone’sbeenyet。Theireyesturnedthatwayobediently。TheeyesofRachelsawnothing。

  Yellowandgreenshapesdid,itistrue,passbeforethem,butsheonlyknewthatonewaslargeandanothersmall;shedidnotknowthattheyweretrees。Thesedirectionstolookhereandthereirritatedher,asinterruptionsirritateapersonabsorbedinthought,althoughshewasnotthinkingofanything。Shewasannoyedwithallthatwassaid,andwiththeaimlessmovementsofpeople’sbodies,becausetheyseemedtointerferewithherandtopreventherfromspeakingtoTerence。VerysoonHelensawherstaringmoodilyatacoilofrope,andmakingnoefforttolisten。Mr。FlushingandSt。Johnwereengagedinmoreorlesscontinuousconversationaboutthefutureofthecountryfromapoliticalpointofview,andthedegreetowhichithadbeenexplored;theothers,withtheirlegsstretchedout,orchinspoisedonthehands,gazedinsilence。

  Mrs。Ambroselookedandlistenedobedientlyenough,butinwardlyshewaspreytoanuneasymoodnotreadilytobeascribedtoanyonecause。LookingonshoreasMr。Flushingbadeher,shethoughtthecountryverybeautiful,butalsosultryandalarming。

  Shedidnotliketofeelherselfthevictimofunclassifiedemotions,andcertainlyasthelaunchslippedonandon,inthehotmorningsun,shefeltherselfunreasonablymoved。Whethertheunfamiliarityoftheforestwasthecauseofit,orsomethinglessdefinite,shecouldnotdetermine。HermindleftthesceneandoccupieditselfwithanxietiesforRidley,forherchildren,forfar-offthings,suchasoldageandpovertyanddeath。Hirst,too,wasdepressed。

  Hehadbeenlookingforwardtothisexpeditionastoaholiday,for,onceawayfromthehotel,surelywonderfulthingswouldhappen,insteadofwhichnothinghappened,andheretheywereasuncomfortable,asrestrained,asself-consciousasever。That,ofcourse,waswhatcameoflookingforwardtoanything;onewasalwaysdisappointed。

  HeblamedWilfridFlushing,whowassowelldressedandsoformal;

  heblamedHewetandRachel。Whydidn’ttheytalk?Helookedatthemsittingsilentandself-absorbed,andthesightannoyedhim。

  Hesupposedthattheywereengaged,orabouttobecomeengaged,butinsteadofbeingintheleastromanticorexciting,thatwasasdullaseverythingelse;itannoyedhim,too,tothinkthattheywereinlove。

  HedrewclosetoHelenandbegantotellherhowuncomfortablehisnighthadbeen,lyingonthedeck,sometimestoohot,sometimestoocold,andthestarssobrightthathecouldn’tgettosleep。Hehadlainawakeallnightthinking,andwhenitwaslightenoughtosee,hehadwrittentwentylinesofhispoemonGod,andtheawfulthingwasthathe’dpracticallyprovedthefactthatGoddidnotexist。

  Hedidnotseethathewasteasingher,andhewentontowonderwhatwouldhappenifGoddidexist——“anoldgentlemaninabeardandalongbluedressinggown,extremelytestyanddisagreeableashe’sboundtobe?Canyousuggestarhyme?God,rod,sod——allused;

  anyothers?“

  Althoughhespokemuchasusual,Helencouldhaveseen,hadshelooked,thathewasalsoimpatientanddisturbed。Butshewasnotcalledupontoanswer,forMr。Flushingnowexclaimed“There!“Theylookedatthehutonthebank,adesolateplacewithalargerentintheroof,andthegroundroundityellow,scarredwithfiresandscatteredwithrustyopentins。

  “Didtheyfindhisdeadbodythere?“Mrs。Flushingexclaimed,leaningforwardinhereagernesstoseethespotwheretheexplorerhaddied。

  “Theyfoundhisbodyandhisskinsandanotebook,“herhusbandreplied。

  Buttheboathadsooncarriedthemonandlefttheplacebehind。

  Itwassohotthattheyscarcelymoved,exceptnowtochangeafoot,or,again,tostrikeamatch。Theireyes,concentrateduponthebank,werefullofthesamegreenreflections,andtheirlipswereslightlypressedtogetherasthoughthesightstheywerepassinggaverisetothoughts,savethatHirst’slipsmovedintermittentlyashalfconsciouslyhesoughtrhymesforGod。Whateverthethoughtsoftheothers,noonesaidanythingforaconsiderablespace。

  Theyhadgrownsoaccustomedtothewalloftreesoneithersidethattheylookedupwithastartwhenthelightsuddenlywidenedoutandthetreescametoanend。

  “ItalmostremindsoneofanEnglishpark,“saidMr。Flushing。

  Indeednochangecouldhavebeengreater。Onbothbanksoftheriverlayanopenlawn-likespace,grasscoveredandplanted,forthegentlenessandorderoftheplacesuggestedhumancare,withgracefultreesonthetopoflittlemounds。Asfarastheycouldgaze,thislawnroseandsankwiththeundulatingmotionofanoldEnglishpark。

  Thechangeofscenenaturallysuggestedachangeofposition,gratefultomostofthem。Theyroseandleantovertherail。

  “ItmightbeArundelorWindsor,“Mr。Flushingcontinued,“ifyoucutdownthatbushwiththeyellowflowers;and,byJove,look!“

  Rowsofbrownbackspausedforamomentandthenleaptwithamotionasiftheywerespringingoverwavesoutofsight。

  foramomentnooneofthemcouldbelievethattheyhadreallyseenliveanimalsintheopen——aherdofwilddeer,andthesightarousedachildlikeexcitementinthem,dissipatingtheirgloom。

  “I’veneverinmylifeseenanythingbiggerthanahare!“

  Hirstexclaimedwithgenuineexcitement。“WhatanassIwasnottobringmyKodak!“

  Soonafterwardsthelaunchcamegraduallytoastandstill,andthecaptainexplainedtoMr。Flushingthatitwouldbepleasantforthepassengersiftheynowwentforastrollonshore;iftheychosetoreturnwithinanhour,hewouldtakethemontothevillage;

  iftheychosetowalk——itwasonlyamileortwofartheron——

  hewouldmeetthematthelanding-place。

  Thematterbeingsettled,theywereoncemoreputonshore:

  thesailors,producingraisinsandtobacco,leantupontherailandwatchedthesixEnglish,whosecoatsanddresseslookedsostrangeuponthegreen,wanderoff。Ajokethatwasbynomeanspropersetthemalllaughing,andthentheyturnedroundandlayattheireaseuponthedeck。

  Directlytheylanded,TerenceandRacheldrewtogetherslightlyinadvanceoftheothers。

  “ThankGod!“Terenceexclaimed,drawingalongbreath。“Atlastwe’realone。“

  “Andifwekeepaheadwecantalk,“saidRachel。

  Nevertheless,althoughtheirpositionsomeyardsinadvanceoftheothersmadeitpossibleforthemtosayanythingtheychose,theywerebothsilent。

  “Youloveme?“Terenceaskedatlength,breakingthesilencepainfully。

  Tospeakortobesilentwasequallyaneffort,forwhentheyweresilenttheywerekeenlyconsciousofeachother’spresence,andyetwordswereeithertootrivialortoolarge。

  Shemurmuredinarticulately,ending,“Andyou?“

  “Yes,yes,“hereplied;butthereweresomanythingstobesaid,andnowthattheywerealoneitseemednecessarytobringthemselvesstillmorenear,andtosurmountabarrierwhichhadgrownupsincetheyhadlastspoken。Itwasdifficult,frighteningeven,oddlyembarrassing。Atonemomenthewasclear-sighted,and,atthenext,confused。

  “NowI’mgoingtobeginatthebeginning,“hesaidresolutely。

  “I’mgoingtotellyouwhatIoughttohavetoldyoubefore。

  Inthefirstplace,I’veneverbeeninlovewithotherwomen,butI’vehadotherwomen。ThenI’vegreatfaults。I’mverylazy,I’mmoody——“Hepersisted,inspiteofherexclamation,“You’vegottoknowtheworstofme。I’mlustful。I’movercomebyasenseoffutility——incompetence。Ioughtnevertohaveaskedyoutomarryme,Iexpect。I’mabitofasnob;I’mambitious——“

  “Oh,ourfaults!“shecried。“Whatdotheymatter?“Thenshedemanded,“AmIinlove——isthisbeinginlove——arewetomarryeachother?“

  Overcomebythecharmofhervoiceandherpresence,heexclaimed,“Oh,you’refree,Rachel。Toyou,timewillmakenodifference,ormarriageor——“

  Thevoicesoftheothersbehindthemkeptfloating,nowfarther,nownearer,andMrs。Flushing’slaughroseclearlybyitself。

  “Marriage?“Rachelrepeated。

  Theshoutswererenewedbehind,warningthemthattheywerebearingtoofartotheleft。Improvingtheircourse,hecontinued,“Yes,marriage。“Thefeelingthattheycouldnotbeuniteduntilsheknewallabouthimmadehimagainendeavourtoexplain。

  “Allthat’sbeenbadinme,thethingsI’veputupwith——

  thesecondbest——“

  Shemurmured,consideredherownlife,butcouldnotdescribehowitlookedtohernow。

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