第47章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"The Voyage Out",免费读到尾

  “Andtheloneliness!“hecontinued。AvisionofwalkingwithherthroughthestreetsofLondoncamebeforehiseyes。“Wewillgoforwalkstogether,“hesaid。Thesimplicityoftheidearelievedthem,andforthefirsttimetheylaughed。Theywouldhavelikedhadtheydaredtotakeeachotherbythehand,buttheconsciousnessofeyesfixedonthemfrombehindhadnotyetdesertedthem。

  “Books,people,sights——Mrs。Nutt,Greeley,Hutchinson,“Hewetmurmured。

  Witheverywordthemistwhichhadenvelopedthem,makingthemseemunrealtoeachother,sincethepreviousafternoonmeltedalittlefurther,andtheircontactbecamemoreandmorenatural。

  UpthroughthesultrysouthernlandscapetheysawtheworldtheyknewappearclearerandmorevividlythanithadeverappearedbeforeAsuponthatoccasionatthehotelwhenshehadsatinthewindow,theworldoncemorearrangeditselfbeneathhergazeveryvividlyandinitstrueproportions。SheglancedcuriouslyatTerencefromtimetotime,observinghisgreycoatandhispurpletie;

  observingthemanwithwhomshewastospendtherestofherlife。

  Afteroneoftheseglancesshemurmured,“Yes,I’minlove。

  There’snodoubt;I’minlovewithyou。“

  Nevertheless,theyremaineduncomfortablyapart;drawnsoclosetogether,asshespoke,thatthereseemednodivisionbetweenthem,andthenextmomentseparateandfarawayagain。

  Feelingthispainfully,sheexclaimed,“Itwillbeafight。“

  Butasshelookedathimsheperceivedfromtheshapeofhiseyes,thelinesabouthismouth,andotherpeculiaritiesthathepleasedher,andsheadded:

  “WhereIwanttofight,youhavecompassion。You’refinerthanIam;

  you’remuchfiner。“

  Hereturnedherglanceandsmiled,perceiving,muchasshehaddone,theverysmallindividualthingsaboutherwhichmadeherdelightfultohim。Shewashisforever。Thisbarrierbeingsurmounted,innumerabledelightslaybeforethemboth。

  “I’mnotfiner,“heanswered。“I’monlyolder,lazier;aman,notawoman。“

  “Aman,“sherepeated,andacurioussenseofpossessioncomingoverher,itstruckherthatshemightnowtouchhim;sheputoutherhandandlightlytouchedhischeek。Hisfingersfollowedwherehershadbeen,andthetouchofhishanduponhisfacebroughtbacktheoverpoweringsenseofunreality。Thisbodyofhiswasunreal;

  thewholeworldwasunreal。

  “What’shappened?“hebegan。“WhydidIaskyoutomarryme?

  Howdidithappen?“

  “Didyouaskmetomarryyou?“shewondered。Theyfadedfarawayfromeachother,andneitherofthemcouldrememberwhathadbeensaid。

  “Wesatupontheground,“herecollected。

  “Wesatupontheground,“sheconfirmedhim。Therecollectionofsittingupontheground,suchasitwas,seemedtounitethemagain,andtheywalkedoninsilence,theirmindssometimesworkingwithdifficultyandsometimesceasingtowork,theireyesaloneperceivingthethingsroundthem。Nowhewouldattemptagaintotellherhisfaults,andwhyhelovedher;andshewoulddescribewhatshehadfeltatthistimeoratthattime,andtogethertheywouldinterpretherfeeling。

  Sobeautifulwasthesoundoftheirvoicesthatbydegreestheyscarcelylistenedtothewordstheyframed。Longsilencescamebetweentheirwords,whichwerenolongersilencesofstruggleandconfusionbutrefreshingsilences,inwhichtrivialthoughtsmovedeasily。

  Theybegantospeaknaturallyofordinarythings,oftheflowersandthetrees,howtheygrewtheresored,likegardenflowersathome,andtherebentandcrookedlikethearmofatwistedoldman。

  Verygentlyandquietly,almostasifitwerethebloodsinginginherveins,orthewaterofthestreamrunningoverstones,Rachelbecameconsciousofanewfeelingwithinher。Shewonderedforamomentwhatitwas,andthensaidtoherself,withalittlesurpriseatrecognisinginherownpersonsofamousathing:

  “Thisishappiness,Isuppose。“AndaloudtoTerenceshespoke,“Thisishappiness。“

  Ontheheelsofherwordsheanswered,“Thisishappiness,“

  uponwhichtheyguessedthatthefeelinghadsprunginbothofthemthesametime。Theybeganthereforetodescribehowthisfeltandthatfelt,howlikeitwasandyethowdifferent;fortheywereverydifferent。

  Voicescryingbehindthemneverreachedthroughthewatersinwhichtheywerenowsunk。TherepetitionofHewet’snameinshort,disseveredsyllableswastothemthecrackofadrybranchorthelaughterofabird。Thegrassesandbreezessoundingandmurmuringallroundthem,theynevernoticedthattheswishingofthegrassesgrewlouderandlouder,anddidnotceasewiththelapseofthebreeze。AhanddroppedabruptasirononRachel’sshoulder;

  itmighthavebeenaboltfromheaven。Shefellbeneathit,andthegrasswhippedacrosshereyesandfilledhermouthandears。

  Throughthewavingstemsshesawafigure,largeandshapelessagainstthesky。Helenwasuponher。Rolledthiswayandthat,nowseeingonlyforestsofgreen,andnowthehighblueheaven;

  shewasspeechlessandalmostwithoutsense。Atlastshelaystill,allthegrassesshakenroundherandbeforeherbyherpanting。

  Overherloomedtwogreatheads,theheadsofamanandwoman,ofTerenceandHelen。

  Bothwereflushed,bothlaughing,andthelipsweremoving;

  theycametogetherandkissedintheairaboveher。Brokenfragmentsofspeechcamedowntoherontheground。Shethoughtsheheardthemspeakofloveandthenofmarriage。Raisingherselfandsittingup,shetoorealisedHelen’ssoftbody,thestrongandhospitablearms,andhappinessswellingandbreakinginonevastwave。Whenthisfellaway,andthegrassesoncemorelaylow,andtheskybecamehorizontal,andtheearthrolledoutflatoneachside,andthetreesstoodupright,shewasthefirsttoperceivealittlerowofhumanfiguresstandingpatientlyinthedistance。

  Forthemomentshecouldnotrememberwhotheywere。

  “Whoarethey?“sheasked,andthenrecollected。

  FallingintolinebehindMr。Flushing,theywerecarefultoleaveatleastthreeyards’distancebetweenthetoeofhisbootandtherimofherskirt。

  Heledthemacrossastretchofgreenbytheriver-bankandthenthroughagroveoftrees,andbadethemremarkthesignsofhumanhabitation,theblackenedgrass,thecharredtree-stumps,andthere,throughthetrees,strangewoodennests,drawntogetherinanarchwherethetreesdrewapart,thevillagewhichwasthegoaloftheirjourney。

  Steppingcautiously,theyobservedthewomen,whoweresquattingonthegroundintriangularshapes,movingtheirhands,eitherplaitingstraworinkneadingsomethinginbowls。Butwhentheyhadlookedforamomentundiscovered,theywereseen,andMr。Flushing,advancingintothecentreoftheclearing,wasengagedintalkwithaleanmajesticman,whosebonesandhollowsatoncemadetheshapesoftheEnglishman’sbodyappearuglyandunnatural。

  Thewomentooknonoticeofthestrangers,exceptthattheirhandspausedforamomentandtheirlongnarroweyesslidroundandfixeduponthemwiththemotionlessinexpensivegazeofthoseremovedfromeachotherfarfarbeyondtheplungeofspeech。Theirhandsmovedagain,butthestarecontinued。Itfollowedthemastheywalked,astheypeeredintothehutswheretheycoulddistinguishgunsleaninginthecorner,andbowlsuponthefloor,andstacksofrushes;

  intheduskthesolemneyesofbabiesregardedthem,andoldwomenstaredouttoo。Astheysaunteredabout,thestarefollowedthem,passingovertheirlegs,theirbodies,theirheads,curiouslynotwithouthostility,likethecrawlofawinterfly。Asshedrewaparthershawlanduncoveredherbreasttothelipsofherbaby,theeyesofawomanneverlefttheirfaces,althoughtheymoveduneasilyunderherstare,andfinallyturnedaway,ratherthanstandtherelookingatheranylonger。Whensweetmeatswereofferedthem,theyputoutgreatredhandstotakethem,andfeltthemselvestreadingcumbrouslyliketight-coatedsoldiersamongthesesoftinstinctivepeople。Butsoonthelifeofthevillagetooknonoticeofthem;theyhadbecomeabsorbedinit。Thewomen’shandsbecamebusyagainwiththestraw;theireyesdropped。Iftheymoved,itwastofetchsomethingfromthehut,ortocatchastrayingchild,ortocrossthespacewithajarbalancedontheirheads;

  iftheyspoke,itwastocrysomeharshunintelligiblecry。

  Voicesrosewhenachildwasbeaten,andfellagain;voicesroseinsong,whichslidupalittlewayanddownalittleway,andsettledagainuponthesamelowandmelancholynote。

  Seekingeachother,TerenceandRacheldrewtogetherunderatree。

  Peaceful,andevenbeautifulatfirst,thesightofthewomen,whohadgivenuplookingatthem,madethemnowfeelverycoldandmelancholy。

  “Well,“Terencesighedatlength,“itmakesusseeminsignificant,doesn’tit?“

  Rachelagreed。Soitwouldgoonforeverandever,shesaid,thosewomensittingunderthetrees,thetreesandtheriver。

  Theyturnedawayandbegantowalkthroughthetrees,leaning,withoutfearofdiscovery,uponeachother’sarms。Theyhadnotgonefarbeforetheybegantoassureeachotheroncemorethattheywereinlove,werehappy,werecontent;butwhywasitsopainfulbeinginlove,whywastheresomuchpaininhappiness?

  Thesightofthevillageindeedaffectedthemallcuriouslythoughalldifferently。St。Johnhadlefttheothersandwaswalkingslowlydowntotheriver,absorbedinhisownthoughts,whichwerebitterandunhappy,forhefelthimselfalone;andHelen,standingbyherselfinthesunnyspaceamongthenativewomen,wasexposedtopresentimentsofdisaster。Thecriesofthesenselessbeastsranginherearshighandlowintheair,astheyranfromtree-trunktotree-top。

  Howsmallthelittlefigureslookedwanderingthroughthetrees!

  Shebecameacutelyconsciousofthelittlelimbs,thethinveins,thedelicatefleshofmenandwomen,whichbreakssoeasilyandletsthelifeescapecomparedwiththesegreattreesanddeepwaters。

  Afallingbranch,afootthatslips,andtheearthhascrushedthemorthewaterdrownedthem。Thusthinking,shekepthereyesanxiouslyfixeduponthelovers,asifbydoingsoshecouldprotectthemfromtheirfate。Turning,shefoundtheFlushingsbyherside。

  Theyweretalkingaboutthethingstheyhadboughtandarguingwhethertheywerereallyold,andwhethertherewerenotsignshereandthereofEuropeaninfluence。Helenwasappealedto。

  Shewasmadetolookatabrooch,andthenatapairofear-rings。

  Butallthetimesheblamedthemforhavingcomeonthisexpedition,forhavingventuredtoofarandexposedthemselves。Thensherousedherselfandtriedtotalk,butinafewmomentsshecaughtherselfseeingapictureofaboatupsetontheriverinEngland,atmidday。

  Itwasmorbid,sheknew,toimaginesuchthings;neverthelessshesoughtoutthefiguresoftheothersbetweenthetrees,andwhenevershesawthemshekepthereyesfixedonthem,sothatshemightbeabletoprotectthemfromdisaster。

  Butwhenthesunwentdownandthesteamerturnedandbegantosteambacktowardscivilisation,againherfearswerecalmed。

  Inthesemi-darknessthechairsondeckandthepeoplesittinginthemwereangularshapes,themouthbeingindicatedbyatinyburningspot,andthearmbythesamespotmovingupordownasthecigarorcigarettewasliftedtoandfromthelips。Wordscrossedthedarkness,but,notknowingwheretheyfell,seemedtolackenergyandsubstance。Deepsightsproceededregularly,althoughwithsomeattemptatsuppression,fromthelargewhitemoundwhichrepresentedthepersonofMrs。Flushing。Thedayhadbeenlongandveryhot,andnowthatallthecolourswereblottedoutthecoolnightairseemedtopresssoftfingersupontheeyelids,sealingthemdown。

  Somephilosophicalremarkdirected,apparently,atSt。JohnHirstmisseditsaim,andhungsolongsuspendedintheairuntilitwasengulfedbyayawn,thatitwasconsidereddead,andthisgavethesignalforstirringoflegsandmurmursaboutsleep。

  Thewhitemoundmoved,finallylengtheneditselfanddisappeared,andafterafewturnsandpacesSt。JohnandMr。Flushingwithdrew,leavingthethreechairsstilloccupiedbythreesilentbodies。

  Thelightwhichcamefromalamphighonthemastandaskypalewithstarsleftthemwithshapesbutwithoutfeatures;buteveninthisdarknessthewithdrawaloftheothersmadethemfeeleachotherverynear,fortheywereallthinkingofthesamething。

  Forsometimenoonespoke,thenHelensaidwithasigh,“Soyou’rebothveryhappy?“

点击下载App,搜索"The Voyage Out",免费读到尾