Partieswouldn’tbegivenanymore。Allthetradesmenofthetownwouldbebankrupt。Wine，wax-lights，comestibles，rouge，crinoline-petticoats，diamonds，wigs，Louis-Quatorzegimcracks，andoldchina，parkhacks，andsplendidhigh-steppingcarriagehorses——allthedelightsoflife，Isay，——wouldgotothedeuce，ifpeopledidbutactupontheirsillyprinciplesandavoidthosewhomtheydislikeandabuse。Whereas，byalittlecharityandmutualforbearance，thingsaremadetogoonpleasantlyenough：wemayabuseamanasmuchaswelike，andcallhimthegreatestrascalunhanged——butdowewishtohanghimtherefore？No。Weshakehandswhenwemeet。Ifhiscookisgoodweforgivehimandgoanddinewithhim，andweexpecthewilldothesamebyus。Thustradeflourishes——civilizationadvances；peaceiskept；
newdressesarewantedfornewassemblieseveryweek；
andthelastyear’svintageofLafittewillremuneratethehonestproprietorwhorearedit。
Atthetimewhereofwearewriting，thoughtheGreatGeorgewasonthethroneandladiesworegigotsandlargecombsliketortoise-shellshovelsintheirhair，insteadofthesimplesleevesandlovelywreathswhichareactuallyinfashion，themannersoftheverypoliteworldwerenot，Itakeit，essentiallydifferentfromthoseofthepresentday：andtheiramusementsprettysimilar。Tous，fromtheoutside，gazingoverthepoliceman’sshouldersatthebewilderingbeautiesastheypassintoCourtorball，theymayseembeingsofunearthlysplendourandintheenjoymentofanexquisitehappinessbyusunattainable。
ItistoconsolesomeofthesedissatisfiedbeingsthatwearenarratingourdearBecky’sstruggles，andtriumphs，anddisappointments，ofallofwhich，indeed，asisthecasewithallpersonsofmerit，shehadhershare。
AtthistimetheamiableamusementofactingcharadeshadcomeamongusfromFrance，andwasconsiderablyinvogueinthiscountry，enablingthemanyladiesamongstuswhohadbeautytodisplaytheircharms，andthefewernumberwhohadclevernesstoexhibittheirwit。
MyLordSteynewasincitedbyBecky，whoperhapsbelievedherselfendowedwithboththeabovequalifications，togiveanentertainmentatGauntHouse，whichshouldincludesomeoftheselittledramas——andwemusttakeleavetointroducethereadertothisbrilliantreunion，and，withamelancholywelcometoo，foritwillbeamongtheverylastofthefashionableentertainmentstowhichitwillbeourfortunetoconducthim。
Aportionofthatsplendidroom，thepicturegalleryofGauntHouse，wasarrangedasthecharadetheatre。IthadbeensousedwhenGeorgeIIIwasking；andapictureoftheMarquisofGauntisstillextant，withhishairinpowderandapinkribbon，inaRomanshape，asitwascalled，enactingthepartofCatoinMr。Addison’stragedyofthatname，performedbeforetheirRoyalHighnessesthePrinceofWales，theBishopofOsnaburgh，andPrinceWilliamHenry，thenchildrenliketheactor。
Oneortwooftheoldpropertiesweredrawnoutofthegarrets，wheretheyhadlaineversince，andfurbishedupanewforthepresentfestivities。
YoungBedwinSands，thenanelegantdandyandEasterntraveller，wasmanageroftherevels。AnEasterntravellerwassomebodyinthosedays，andtheadventurousBedwin，whohadpublishedhisquartoandpassedsomemonthsunderthetentsinthedesert，wasapersonageofnosmallimportance。InhisvolumetherewereseveralpicturesofSandsinvariousorientalcostumes；andhetravelledaboutwithablackattendantofmostunprepossessingappearance，justlikeanotherBriandeBoisGuilbert。Bedwin，hiscostumes，andblackman，werehailedatGauntHouseasveryvaluableacquisitions。
Heledoffthefirstcharade。ATurkishofficerwithanimmenseplumeoffeatherstheJanizariesweresupposedtobestillinexistence，andthetarbooshhadnotasyetdisplacedtheancientandmajestichead-dressofthetruebelieverswasseencouchedonadivan，andmakingbelievetopuffatanarghile，inwhich，however，forthesakeoftheladies，onlyafragrantpastillewasallowedtosmoke。TheTurkishdignitaryyawnsandexpressessignsofwearinessandidleness。HeclapshishandsandMesrourtheNubianappears，withbarearms，bangles，yataghans，andeveryEasternornament——gaunt，tall，andhideous。HemakesasalaambeforemylordtheAga。
Athrillofterroranddelightrunsthroughtheassembly。
Theladieswhispertooneanother。TheblackslavewasgiventoBedwinSandsbyanEgyptianpashainexchangeforthreedozenofMaraschino。HehassewnupeversomanyodalisquesinsacksandtiltedthemintotheNile。
“Bidtheslave-merchantenter。”saystheTurkishvoluptuarywithawaveofhishand。Mesrourconductstheslave-merchantintomylord’spresence；hebringsaveiledfemalewithhim。Heremovestheveil。Athrillofapplauseburststhroughthehouse。ItisMrs。WinkworthshewasaMissAbsolomwiththebeautifuleyesandhair。Sheisinagorgeousorientalcostume；theblackbraidedlocksaretwinedwithinnumerablejewels；herdressiscoveredoverwithgoldpiastres。TheodiousMahometanexpresseshimselfcharmedbyherbeauty。Shefallsdownonherkneesandentreatshimtorestorehertothemountainswhereshewasborn，andwhereherCircassianloverisstilldeploringtheabsenceofhisZuleikah。
NoentreatieswillmovetheobdurateHassan。HelaughsatthenotionoftheCircassianbridegroom。
Zuleikahcoversherfacewithherhandsanddropsdowninanattitudeofthemostbeautifuldespair。Thereseemstobenohopeforher，when——whentheKislarAgaappears。
TheKislarAgabringsaletterfromtheSultan。Hassanreceivesandplacesonhisheadthedreadfirman。A
ghastlyterrorseizeshim，whileontheNegro’sfaceitisMesrouragaininanothercostumeappearsaghastlyjoy。”Mercy！mercy！”criesthePasha：whiletheKislarAga，grinninghorribly，pullsout——abow-string。
Thecurtaindrawsjustasheisgoingtousethatawfulweapon。Hassanfromwithinbawlsout，“Firsttwosyllables“——andMrs。RawdonCrawley，whoisgoingtoactinthecharade，comesforwardandcomplimentsMrs。
Winkworthontheadmirabletasteandbeautyofhercostume。
Thesecondpartofthecharadetakesplace。ItisstillanEasternscene。Hassan，inanotherdress，isinanattitudebyZuleikah，whoisperfectlyreconciledtohim。
TheKislarAgahasbecomeapeacefulblackslave。Itissunriseonthedesert，andtheTurksturntheirheadseastwardsandbowtothesand。Astherearenodromedariesathand，thebandfacetiouslyplays“TheCamelsarecoming。”AnenormousEgyptianheadfiguresinthescene。Itisamusicalone——and，tothesurpriseoftheorientaltravellers，singsacomicsong，composedbyMr。
Wagg。TheEasternvoyagersgooffdancing，likePapagenoandtheMoorishKinginTheMagicFlute。”Lasttwosyllables。”roarsthehead。
Thelastactopens。ItisaGreciantentthistime。A
tallandstalwartmanreposesonacouchthere。Abovehimhanghishelmetandshield。Thereisnoneedforthemnow。Iliumisdown。Iphigeniaisslain。Cassandraisaprisonerinhisouterhalls。ThekingofmenitisColonelCrawley，who，indeed，hasnonotionaboutthesackofIliumortheconquestofCassandra，theanaxandronisasleepinhischamberatArgos。Alampcaststhebroadshadowofthesleepingwarriorflickeringonthewall——theswordandshieldofTroyglitterinitslight。
ThebandplaystheawfulmusicofDonJuan，beforethestatueenters。
Aegisthusstealsinpaleandontiptoe。Whatisthatghastlyfacelookingoutbalefullyafterhimfrombehindthearras？Heraiseshisdaggertostrikethesleeper，whoturnsinhisbed，andopenshisbroadchestasiffortheblow。Hecannotstrikethenobleslumberingchieftain。
Clytemnestraglidesswiftlyintotheroomlikeanapparition——herarmsarebareandwhite——hertawnyhairfloatsdownhershoulders——herfaceisdeadlypale——andhereyesarelightedupwithasmilesoghastlythatpeoplequakeastheylookather。
Atremorranthroughtheroom。”GoodGod！”somebodysaid，“it’sMrs。RawdonCrawley。”
ScornfullyshesnatchesthedaggeroutofAegisthus’shandandadvancestothebed。Youseeitshiningoverherheadintheglimmerofthelamp，and——andthelampgoesout，withagroan，andallisdark。
Thedarknessandthescenefrightenedpeople。Rebeccaperformedherpartsowell，andwithsuchghastlytruth，thatthespectatorswerealldumb，until，withaburst，allthelampsofthehallblazedoutagain，wheneverybodybegantoshoutapplause。”Brava！brava！”oldSteyne’sstridentvoicewasheardroaringoveralltherest。”By——，she’ddoittoo。”hesaidbetweenhisteeth。
Theperformerswerecalledbythewholehouse，whichsoundedwithcriesof“Manager！Clytemnestra！”
Agamemnoncouldnotbegottoshowinhisclassicaltunic，butstoodinthebackgroundwithAegisthusandothersoftheperformersofthelittleplay。Mr。BedwinSandsledonZuleikahandClytemnestra。AgreatpersonageinsistedonbeingpresentedtothecharmingClytemnestra。”Heighha？Runhimthroughthebody。
Marrysomebodyelse，hay？”wastheappositeremarkmadebyHisRoyalHighness。
“Mrs。RawdonCrawleywasquitekillinginthepart。”
saidLordSteyne。Beckylaughed，gayandsaucylooking，andswepttheprettiestlittlecurtseyeverseen。
Servantsbroughtinsalverscoveredwithnumerouscooldainties，andtheperformersdisappearedtogetreadyforthesecondcharade-tableau。
Thethreesyllablesofthischaradeweretobedepictedinpantomime，andtheperformancetookplaceinthefollowingwise：
Firstsyllable。ColonelRawdonCrawley，C。B。，withaslouchedhatandastaff，agreat-coat，andalanternborrowedfromthestables，passedacrossthestagebawlingout，asifwarningtheinhabitantsofthehour。Inthelowerwindowareseentwobagmenplayingapparentlyatthegameofcribbage，overwhichtheyyawnmuch。
TothementersonelookinglikeBootstheHonourableG。Ringwood，whichcharactertheyounggentlemanperformedtoperfection，anddiveststhemoftheirlowercoverings；andpresentlyChambermaidtheRightHonourableLordSouthdownwithtwocandlesticks，andawarming-pan。Sheascendstotheupperapartmentandwarmsthebed。Sheusesthewarming-panasaweaponwherewithshewardsofftheattentionofthebagmen。
Sheexits。Theyputontheirnight-capsandpulldowntheblinds。Bootscomesoutandclosestheshuttersoftheground-floorchamber。Youhearhimboltingandchainingthedoorwithin。Allthelightsgoout。ThemusicplaysDormez，dormez，chersAmours。Avoicefrombehindthecurtainsays，“Firstsyllable。”
Secondsyllable。Thelampsarelightedupallofasudden。ThemusicplaystheoldairfromJohnofParis，Ahquelplaisird’etreenvoyage。Itisthesamescene。
Betweenthefirstandsecondfloorsofthehouserepresented，youbeholdasignonwhichtheSteynearmsarepainted。Allthebellsareringingalloverthehouse。
Inthelowerapartmentyouseeamanwithalongslipofpaperpresentingittoanother，whoshakeshisfists，threatensandvowsthatitismonstrous。”Ostler，bringroundmygig。”criesanotheratthedoor。HechucksChambermaidtheRightHonourableLordSouthdown
underthechin；sheseemstodeplorehisabsence，asCalypsodidthatofthatothereminenttravellerUlysses。
BootstheHonourableG。Ringwoodpasseswithawoodenbox，containingsilverflagons，andcries“Pots“
withsuchexquisitehumourandnaturalnessthatthewholehouseringswithapplause，andabouquetisthrowntohim。Crack，crack，crack，gothewhips。Landlord，chambermaid，waiterrushtothedoor，butjustassomedistinguishedguestisarriving，thecurtainsclose，andtheinvisibletheatricalmanagercriesout“Secondsyllable。”
“Ithinkitmustbe’Hotel，’“saysCaptainGriggoftheLifeGuards；thereisagenerallaughattheCaptain’scleverness。Heisnotveryfarfromthemark。
Whilethethirdsyllableisinpreparation，thebandbeginsanauticalmedley——“AllintheDowns。”“CeaseRudeBoreas。”“RuleBritannia。”“IntheBayofBiscayO！”——
somemaritimeeventisabouttotakeplace。Abenisheardringingasthecurtaindrawsaside。”Now，gents，fortheshore！”avoiceexclaims。Peopletakeleaveofeachother。Theypointanxiouslyasiftowardstheclouds，whicharerepresentedbyadarkcurtain，andtheynodtheirheadsinfear。LadySqueamstheRightHonourableLordSouthdown，herlap-dog，herbags，reticules，andhusbandsitdown，andclingholdofsomeropes。Itisevidentlyaship。
TheCaptainColonelCrawley，C。B。，withacockedhatandatelescope，comesin，holdinghishatonhishead，andlooksout；hiscoattailsflyaboutasifinthewind。Whenheleavesgoofhishattousehistelescope，hishatfliesoff，withimmenseapplause。Itisblowingfresh。Themusicrisesandwhistleslouderandlouder；