ACynicalChapterOurdutynowtakesusbackforabriefspacetosomeoldHampshireacquaintancesofours，whosehopesrespectingthedisposaloftheirrichkinswoman’spropertyweresowoefullydisappointed。Aftercountinguponthirtythousandpoundsfromhissister，itwasaheavyblow。toButeCrawleytoreceivebutfive；outofwhichsum，whenhehadpaidhisowndebtsandthoseofJim，hissonatcollege，averysmallfragmentremainedtoportionoffhisfourplaindaughters。Mrs。Buteneverknew，oratleastneveracknowledged，howfarherowntyrannousbehaviourhadtendedtoruinherhusband。Allthatwomancoulddo，shevowedandprotestedshehaddone。Wasitherfaultifshedidnotpossessthosesycophanticartswhichherhypocriticalnephew，PittCrawley，practised？Shewishedhimallthehappinesswhichhemeritedoutofhisill-gottengains。”Atleastthemoneywillremaininthefamily。”shesaidcharitably。”Pittwillneverspendit，mydear，thatisquitecertain；foragreatermiserdoesnotexistinEngland，andheisasodious，thoughinadifferentway，ashisspendthriftbrother，theabandonedRawdon。”
SoMrs。Bute，afterthefirstshockofrageanddisappointment，begantoaccommodateherselfasbestshecouldtoheralteredfortunesandtosaveandretrenchwithallhermight。Sheinstructedherdaughtershowtobearpovertycheerfully，andinventedathousandnotablemethodstoconcealorevadeit。Shetookthemabouttoballsandpublicplacesintheneighbourhood，withpraiseworthyenergy；nay，sheentertainedherfriendsinahospitablecomfortablemannerattheRectory，andmuchmorefrequentlythanbeforedearMissCrawley’slegacyhadfallenin。Fromheroutwardbearingnobodywouldhavesupposedthatthefamilyhadbeendisappointedintheirexpectations，orhaveguessedfromherfrequentappearanceinpublichowshepinchedandstarvedathome。Hergirlshadmoremilliners’furniturethantheyhadeverenjoyedbefore。TheyappearedperseveringlyattheWinchesterandSouthamptonassemblies；theypenetratedtoCowesfortherace-ballsandregatta-gaietiesthere；andtheircarriage，withthehorsestakenfromtheplough，wasatworkperpetually，untilitbeganalmosttobebelievedthatthefoursistershadhadfortunesleftthembytheiraunt，whosenamethefamilynevermentionedinpublicbutwiththemosttendergratitudeandregard。I
knownosortoflyingwhichismorefrequentinVanityFairthanthis，anditmayberemarkedhowpeoplewhopractiseittakecredittothemselvesfortheirhypocrisy，andfancythattheyareexceedinglyvirtuousandpraiseworthy，becausetheyareabletodeceivetheworldwithregardtotheextentoftheirmeans。
Mrs。ButecertainlythoughtherselfoneofthemostvirtuouswomeninEngland，andthesightofherhappyfamilywasanedifyingonetostrangers。Theyweresocheerful，soloving，sowell-educated，sosimple！Marthapaintedflowersexquisitelyandfurnishedhalfthecharitybazaarsinthecounty。EmmawasaregularCountyBulbul，andherversesintheHampshireTelegraphwerethegloryofitsPoet’sCorner。FannyandMatildasangduetstogether，Mammaplayingthepiano，andtheothertwosisterssittingwiththeirarmsroundeachother’swaistsandlisteningaffectionately。Nobodysawthepoorgirlsdrummingattheduetsinprivate。NoonesawMammadrillingthemrigidlyhourafterhour。Inaword，Mrs。Buteputagoodfaceagainstfortuneandkeptupappearancesinthemostvirtuousmanner。
EverythingthatagoodandrespectablemothercoulddoMrs。Butedid。ShegotoveryachtingmenfromSouthampton，parsonsfromtheCathedralCloseatWinchester，andofficersfromthebarracksthere。ShetriedtoinveigletheyoungbarristersatassizesandencouragedJimtobringhomefriendswithwhomhewentouthuntingwiththeH。H。Whatwillnotamotherdoforthebenefitofherbelovedones？
Betweensuchawomanandherbrother-in-law，theodiousBaronetattheHall，itismanifestthattherecouldbeverylittleincommon。TherupturebetweenButeandhisbrotherSirPittwascomplete；indeed，betweenSirPittandthewholecounty，towhichtheoldmanwasascandal。Hisdislikeforrespectablesocietyincreasedwithage，andthelodge-gateshadnotopenedtoagentleman’scarriage-wheelssincePittandLadyJanecametopaytheirvisitofdutyaftertheirmarriage。
Thatwasanawfulandunfortunatevisit，nevertobethoughtofbythefamilywithouthorror。Pittbeggedhiswife，withaghastlycountenance，nevertospeakofit，anditwasonlythroughMrs。Buteherself，whostillkneweverythingwhichtookplaceattheHall，thatthecircumstancesofSirPitt’sreceptionofhissonanddaughter-in-lawwereeverknownatall。
Astheydroveuptheavenueoftheparkintheirneatandwell-appointedcarriage，Pittremarkedwithdismayandwrathgreatgapsamongthetrees——histrees——whichtheoldBaronetwasfellingentirelywithoutlicense。Theparkworeanaspectofutterdrearinessandruin。Thedriveswereillkept，andtheneatcarriagesplashedandflounderedinmuddypoolsalongtheroad。Thegreatsweepinfrontoftheterraceandentrancestairwasblackandcoveredwithmosses；theoncetrimflower-bedsrankandweedy。Shutterswereupalongalmostthewholelineofthehouse；thegreathall-doorwasunbarredaftermuchringingofthebell；anindividualinribbonswasseenflittinguptheblackoakstair，asHorrocksatlengthadmittedtheheirofQueen’sCrawleyandhisbrideintothehallsoftheirfathers。HeledthewayintoSirPitt’s“Library。”asitwascalled，thefumesoftobaccogrowingstrongerasPittandLadyJaneapproachedthatapartment，“SirPittain’tverywell。”Horrocksremarkedapologeticallyandhintedthathismasterwasafflictedwithlumbago。
Thelibrarylookedoutonthefrontwalkandpark。
SirPitthadopenedoneofthewindows，andwasbawlingoutthencetothepostilionandPitt’sservant，whoseemedtobeabouttotakethebaggagedown。
“Don’tmovenoneofthemtrunks。”hecried，pointingwithapipewhichheheldinhishand。”It’sonlyamorningvisit，Tucker，youfool。Lor，whatcracksthatoffhosshasinhisheels！Ain’ttherenooneattheKing’sHeadtorub’emalittle？Howdo，Pitt？Howdo，mydear？Cometoseetheoldman，hay？’Gad——you’veaprettyface，too。
Youain’tlikethatoldhorse-godmother，yourmother。
ComeandgiveoldPittakiss，likeagoodlittlegal。”
Theembracedisconcertedthedaughter-in-lawsomewhat，asthecaressesoftheoldgentleman，unshornandperfumedwithtobacco，mightwelldo。ButsherememberedthatherbrotherSouthdownhadmustachios，andsmokedcigars，andsubmittedtotheBaronetwithatolerablegrace。
“Pitthasgotvat。”saidtheBaronet，afterthismarkofaffection。”Doeshereadeeverylongzermons，mydear？
HundredthPsalm，EveningHymn，hayPitt？GoandgetaglassofMalmseyandacakeformyLadyJane，Horrocks，yougreatbigbooby，anddon’tstandstearingtherelikeafatpig。Iwon’taskyoutostop，mydear；you’llfindittoostoopid，andsoshouldItooalongaPitt。I’manoldmannow，andlikemyownways，andmypipeandbackgammonofanight。”
“Icanplayatbackgammon，sir。”saidLadyJane，laughing。”IusedtoplaywithPapaandMissCrawley，didn’tI，Mr。Crawley？”
“LadyJanecanplay，sir，atthegametowhichyoustatethatyouaresopartial。”Pittsaidhaughtily。
Butshewawn’tstopforallthat。Naw，naw，goobacktoMudburyandgiveMrs。Rincerabenefit；ordrivedowntotheRectoryandaskButyforadinner。He’llbecharmedtoseeyou，youknow；he’ssomuchobligedtoyouforgettin’theoldwoman’smoney。Ha，ha！SomeofitwilldotopatchuptheHallwhenI’mgone。”
“Iperceive，sir。”saidPittwithaheightenedvoice。”thatyourpeoplewillcutdownthetimber。”
“Yees，yees，veryfineweather，andseasonableforthetimeofyear。”SirPittanswered，whohadsuddenlygrowndeaf。”ButI’mgittin’old，Pitt，now。Lawblessyou，youain’tfarfromfiftyyourself。Buthewearswell，myprettyLadyJane，don’the？It’sallgodliness，sobriety，andamorallife。Lookatme，I’mnotveryfurfromfowr-score——he，he“；andhelaughed，andtooksnuff，andleeredatherandpinchedherhand。
Pittoncemorebroughttheconversationbacktothetimber，buttheBaronetwasdeafagaininaninstant。
“I’mgittin’veryold，andhavebeencruelbadthisyearwiththelumbago。Ishan’tbeherenowforlong；butI’mgladee’vecome，daughter-in-law。Ilikeyourface，LadyJane：it’sgotnoneofthedamnedhigh-bonedBinkielookinit；andI’llgiveeesomethingpretty，mydear，togotoCourtin。”Andheshuffledacrosstheroomtoacupboard，fromwhichhetookalittleoldcasecontainingjewelsofsomevalue。”Takethat。”saidhe，“mydear；itbelongedtomymother，andafterwardstothefirstLadyBinkie。
Prettypearls——nevergave’emtheironmonger’sdaughter。
No，no。Take’emandput’emupquick。”saidhe，thrustingthecaseintohisdaughter’shand，andclappingthedoorofthecabinetto，asHorrocksenteredwithasalverandrefreshments。
“WhathaveyouabeenandgivenPitt’swife？”saidtheindividualinribbons，whenPittandLadyJanehadtakenleaveoftheoldgentleman。ItwasMissHorrocks，thebutler’sdaughter——thecauseofthescandalthroughoutthecounty——theladywhoreignednowalmostsupremeatQueen’sCrawley。
TheriseandprogressofthoseRibbonshadbeenmarkedwithdismaybythecountyandfamily。TheRibbonsopenedanaccountattheMudburyBranchSavingsBank；theRibbonsdrovetochurch，monopolisingthepony-chaise，whichwasfortheuseoftheservantsattheHall。Thedomesticsweredismissedatherpleasure。
TheScotchgardener，whostilllingeredonthepremises，takingaprideinhiswallsandhot-houses，andindeedmakingaprettygoodlivelihoodbythegarden，whichhefarmed，andofwhichhesoldtheproduceatSouthampton，foundtheRibbonseatingpeachesonasunshinymorningatthesouth-wall，andhadhisearsboxedwhenheremonstratedaboutthisattackonhisproperty。HeandhisScotchwifeandhisScotchchildren，theonlyrespectableinhabitantsofQueen’sCrawley，wereforcedtomigrate，withtheirgoodsandtheirchattels，andleftthestatelycomfortablegardenstogotowaste，andtheflower-bedstoruntoseed。PoorLadyCrawley’srose-gardenbecamethedreariestwilderness。Onlytwoorthreedomesticsshudderedinthebleakoldservants’hall。Thestablesandofficeswerevacant，andshutup，andhalfruined。SirPittlivedinprivate，andboozednightlywithHorrocks，hisbutlerorhouse-stewardashenowbegantobecalled，andtheabandonedRibbons。ThetimeswereverymuchchangedsincetheperiodwhenshedrovetoMudburyinthespring-cartandcalledthesmalltradesmen“Sir。”Itmayhavebeenshame，oritmayhavebeendislikeofhisneighbours，buttheoldCynicofQueen’sCrawleyhardlyissuedfromhispark-gatesatallnow。Hequarrelledwithhisagentsandscrewedhistenantsbyletter。Hisdayswerepassedinconductinghisowncorrespondence；thelawyersandfarm-bailiffswhohadtodobusinesswithhimcouldnotreachhimbutthroughtheRibbons，whoreceivedthematthedoorofthehousekeeper’sroom，whichcommandedthebackentrancebywhichtheywereadmitted；andsotheBaronet’sdailyperplexitiesincreased，andhisembarrassmentsmultipliedroundhim。
ThehorrorofPittCrawleymaybeimagined，asthesereportsofhisfather’sdotagereachedthemostexemplaryandcorrectofgentlemen。HetrembleddailylestheshouldhearthattheRibbonswasproclaimedhissecondlegalmother-in-law。Afterthatfirstandlastvisit，hisfather’snamewasnevermentionedinPitt’spoliteandgenteelestablishment。Itwastheskeletoninhishouse，andallthefamilywalkedbyitinterrorandsilence。TheCountessSouthdownkeptondroppingpercoachatthelodge-gatethemostexcitingtracts，tractswhichoughttofrightenthehairoffyourhead。Mrs。ButeattheparsonagenightlylookedouttoseeiftheskywasredovertheelmsbehindwhichtheHallstood，andthemansionwasonfire。SirG。WapshotandSirH。Fuddlestone，oldfriendsofthehouse，wouldn’tsitonthebenchwithSirPittatQuarterSessions，andcuthimdeadintheHighStreetofSouthampton，wherethereprobatestoodofferinghisdirtyoldhandstothem。Nothinghadanyeffectuponhim；
heputhishandsintohispockets，andburstoutlaughing，ashescrambledintohiscarriageandfour；heusedtoburstoutlaughingatLadySouthdown’stracts；andhelaughedathissons，andattheworld，andattheRibbonswhenshewasangry，whichwasnotseldom。
MissHorrockswasinstalledashousekeeperatQueen’sCrawley，andruledallthedomesticstherewithgreatmajestyandrigour。Alltheservantswereinstructedtoaddressheras“Mum。”or“Madam“——andtherewasonelittlemaid，onherpromotion，whopersistedincallingher“MyLady。”withoutanyrebukeonthepartofthehousekeeper。”Therehasbeenbetterladies，andtherehasbeenworser，Hester。”wasMissHorrocks’replytothiscomplimentofherinferior；sosheruled，havingsupremepoweroverallexceptherfather，whom，however，shetreatedwithconsiderablehaughtiness，warninghimnottobetoofamiliarinhisbehaviourtoone“aswastobeaBaronet’slady。”Indeed，sherehearsedthatexaltedpartinlifewithgreatsatisfactiontoherself，andtotheamusementofoldSirPitt，whochuckledatherairsandgraces，andwouldlaughbythehourtogetheratherassumptionsofdignityandimitationsofgenteellife。
Hesworeitwasasgoodasaplaytoseeherinthecharacterofafinedame，andhemadeherputononeofthefirstLadyCrawley’scourt-dresses，swearingentirelytoMissHorrocks’ownconcurrencethatthedressbecameher