“Mydearfriend，rememberitisnotpoorLadyJane’sfaultthatsheiswellborn。”Pittreplied，withacourtlyair。”Shecannothelpbeingalady。Besides，IamaTory，youknow。”
“Oh，asforthat。”saidJim，“there’snothinglikeoldblood；no，dammy，nothinglikeit。I’mnoneofyourradicals。Iknowwhatitistobeagentleman，dammy。
Seethechapsinaboat-race；lookatthefellersinafight；aye，lookatadawgkillingrats——whichisitwins？
thegood-bloodedones。Getsomemoreport，Bowls，oldboy，whilstIbuzzthisbottle-here。WhatwasIasaying？”
“Ithinkyouwerespeakingofdogskillingrats。”Pittremarkedmildly，handinghiscousinthedecanterto“buzz。~
“KillingratswasI？Well，Pitt，areyouasportingman？DoyouwanttoseeadawgasCANkillarat？
Ifyoudo，comedownwithmetoTomCorduroy’s，inCastleStreetMews，andI’llshowyousuchabull-terrieras——Pooh！gammon。”criedJames，burstingoutlaughingathisownabsurdity——“YOUdon’tcareaboutadawgorrat；it’sallnonsense。I’mblestifIthinkyouknowthedifferencebetweenadogandaduck。”
“No；bytheway。”Pittcontinuedwithincreasedblandness。”itwasaboutbloodyouweretalking，andthepersonaladvantageswhichpeoplederivefrompatricianbirth。Here’sthefreshbottle。”
“Blood’stheword。”saidJames，gulpingtherubyfluiddown。”Nothinglikeblood，sir，inhosses，dawgs，AND
men。Why，onlylastterm，justbeforeIwasrusticated，thatis，ImeanjustbeforeIhadthemeasles，ha，ha——therewasmeandRingwoodofChristchurch，BobRingwood，LordCinqbars’son，havingourbeerattheBellatBlenheim，whentheBanburybargemanofferedtofighteitherofusforabowlofpunch。Icouldn’t。Myarmwasinasling；couldn’teventakethedragdown——abruteofamareofminehadfellwithmeonlytwodaysbefore，outwiththeAbingdon，andIthoughtmyarmwasbroke。
Well，sir，Icouldn’tfinishhim，butBobhadhiscoatoffatonce——hestooduptotheBanburymanforthreeminutes，andpolishedhimoffinfourroundseasy。Gad，howhediddrop，sir，andwhatwasit？Blood，sir，allblood。”
“Youdon’tdrink，James。”theex-attachecontinued。
“InmytimeatOxford，themenpassedroundthebottlealittlequickerthanyouyoungfellowsseemtodo。”
“Come，come。”saidJames，puttinghishandtohisnoseandwinkingathiscousinwithapairofvinouseyes，“nojokes，oldboy；notryingitononme。Youwanttotrotmeout，butit’snogo。Invinoveritas，oldboy。Mars，Bacchus，Apollovirorum，hey？Iwishmyauntwouldsenddownsomeofthistothegovernor；it’sapreciousgoodtap。”
“Youhadbetteraskher。”Machiavelcontinued，“ormakethebestofyourtimenow。Whatsaysthebard？
’Nuncvinopellitecuras，Crasingensiterabimusaequor，’“
andtheBacchanalian，quotingtheabovewithaHouseofCommonsair，tossedoffnearlyathimblefulofwinewithanimmenseflourishofhisglass。
AttheRectory，whenthebottleofportwinewasopenedafterdinner，theyoungladieshadeachaglassfromabottleofcurrantwine。Mrs。Butetookoneglassofport，honestJameshadacouplecommonly，butashisfathergrewverysulkyifhemadefurtherinroadsonthebottle，thegoodladgenerallyrefrainedfromtryingformore，andsubsidedeitherintothecurrantwine，ortosomeprivategin-and-waterinthestables，whichheenjoyedinthecompanyofthecoachmanandhispipe。AtOxford，thequantityofwinewasunlimited，butthequalitywasinferior：butwhenquantityandqualityunitedasathisaunt’shouse，Jamesshowedthathecouldappreciatethemindeed；andhardlyneededanyofhiscousin’sencouragementindrainingoffthesecondbottlesuppliedbyMr。Bowls。
Whenthetimeforcoffeecame，however，andforareturntotheladies，ofwhomhestoodinawe，theyounggentleman’sagreeablefranknesslefthim，andherelapsedintohisusualsurlytimidity；contentinghimselfbysayingyesandno，byscowlingatLadyJane，andbyupsettingonecupofcoffeeduringtheevening。
Ifhedidnotspeakheyawnedinapitiablemanner，andhispresencethrewadampuponthemodestproceedingsoftheevening，forMissCrawleyandLadyJaneattheirpiquet，andMissBriggsatherwork，feltthathiseyeswerewildlyfixedonthem，andwereuneasyunderthatmaudlinlook。
“Heseemsaverysilent，awkward，bashfullad。”saidMissCrawleytoMr。Pitt。
“Heismorecommunicativeinmen’ssocietythanwithladies。”Machiaveldrylyreplied：perhapsratherdisappointedthattheportwinehadnotmadeJimspeakmore。
HehadspenttheearlypartofthenextmorninginwritinghometohismotheramostflourishingaccountofhisreceptionbyMissCrawley。Butah！helittleknewwhatevilsthedaywasbringingforhim，andhowshorthisreignoffavourwasdestinedtobe。AcircumstancewhichJimhadforgotten——atrivialbutfatalcircumstance——hadtakenplaceattheCribb’sArmsonthenightbeforehehadcometohisaunt’shouse。Itwasnootherthanthis——Jim，whowasalwaysofagenerousdisposition，andwheninhiscupsespeciallyhospitable，hadinthecourseofthenighttreatedtheTutburychampionandtheRottingdeanman，andtheirfriends，twiceorthricetotherefreshmentofgin-and-water——sothatnolessthaneighteenglassesofthatfluidateightpenceperglasswerechargedinMr。JamesCrawley’sbill。Itwasnottheamountofeightpences，butthequantityofginwhichtoldfatallyagainstpoorJames’scharacter，whenhisaunt’sbutler，Mr。Bowls，wentdownathismistress’srequesttopaytheyounggentleman’sbill。Thelandlord，fearinglesttheaccountshouldberefusedaltogether，sworesolemnlythattheyounggenthadconsumedpersonallyeveryfarthing’sworthoftheliquor：andBowlspaidthebillfinally，andshoweditonhisreturnhometoMrs。Firkin，whowasshockedatthefrightfulprodigalityofgin；andtookthebilltoMissBriggsasaccountant-general；whothoughtitherdutytomentionthecircumstancetoherprincipal，MissCrawley。
Hadhedrunkadozenbottlesofclaret，theoldspinstercouldhavepardonedhim。Mr。FoxandMr。
Sheridandrankclaret。Gentlemendrankclaret。Buteighteenglassesofginconsumedamongboxersinanignoblepot-house——itwasanodiouscrimeandnottobepardonedreadily。Everythingwentagainstthelad：hecamehomeperfumedfromthestables，whitherhehadbeentopayhisdogTowzeravisit——andwhencehewasgoingtotakehisfriendoutforanairing，whenhemetMissCrawleyandherwheezyBlenheimspaniel，whichTowzerwouldhaveeatenuphadnottheBlenheimfledsquealingtotheprotectionofMissBriggs，whiletheatrociousmasterofthebull-dogstoodlaughingatthehorriblepersecution。
Thisdaytootheunluckyboy’smodestyhadlikewiseforsakenhim。Hewaslivelyandfacetiousatdinner。
DuringtherepasthelevelledoneortwojokesagainstPittCrawley：hedrankasmuchwineasuponthepreviousday；andgoingquiteunsuspiciouslytothedrawing-room，begantoentertaintheladiestherewithsomechoiceOxfordstories。HedescribedthedifferentpugilisticqualitiesofMolyneuxandDutchSam，offeredplayfullytogiveLadyJanetheoddsupontheTutburyPetagainsttheRottingdeanman，ortakethem，asherLadyshipchose：
andcrownedthepleasantrybyproposingtobackhimselfagainsthiscousinPittCrawley，eitherwithorwithoutthegloves。”Andthat’safairoffer，mybuck。”hesaid，withaloudlaugh，slappingPittontheshoulder，“andmyfathertoldmetomakeittoo，andhe’llgohalvesinthebet，ha，ha！”Sosaying，theengagingyouthnoddedknowinglyatpoorMissBriggs，andpointedhisthumboverhisshoulderatPittCrawleyinajocularandexultingmanner。
Pittwasnotpleasedaltogetherperhaps，butstillnotunhappyinthemain。PoorJimhadhislaughout：andstaggeredacrosstheroomwithhisaunt’scandle，whentheoldladymovedtoretire，andofferedtosaluteherwiththeblandesttipsysmile：andhetookhisownleaveandwentupstairstohisbedroomperfectlysatisfiedwithhimself，andwithapleasednotionthathisaunt’smoneywouldbelefttohiminpreferencetohisfatherandalltherestofthefamily。
Onceupinthebedroom，onewouldhavethoughthecouldnotmakemattersworse；andyetthisunluckyboydid。Themoonwasshiningverypleasantlyoutonthesea，andJim，attractedtothewindowbytheromanticappearanceoftheoceanandtheheavens，thoughthewouldfurtherenjoythemwhilesmoking。Nobodywouldsmellthetobacco，hethought，ifhecunninglyopenedthewindowandkepthisheadandpipeinthefreshair。
Thishedid：butbeinginanexcitedstate，poorJimhadforgottenthathisdoorwasopenallthistime，sothatthebreezeblowinginwardsandafinethoroughdraughtbeingestablished，thecloudsoftobaccowerecarrieddownstairs，andarrivedwithquiteundiminishedfragrancetoMissCrawleyandMissBriggs。
Thepipeoftobaccofinishedthebusiness：andtheBute-Crawleysneverknewhowmanythousandpoundsitcostthem。FirkinrusheddownstairstoBowlswhowasreadingoutthe“FireandtheFryingPan“tohisaide-de-campinaloudandghostlyvoice。ThedreadfulsecretwastoldtohimbyFirkinwithsofrightenedalook，thatforthefirstmomentMr。Bowlsandhisyoungmanthoughtthatrobberswereinthehouse，thelegsofwhomhadprobablybeendiscoveredbythewomanunderMissCrawley’sbed。Whenmadeawareofthefact，however——torushupstairsatthreestepsatatimetoentertheunconsciousJames’sapartment，callingout，“Mr。
James。”inavoicestifledwithalarm，andtocry，“ForGawd’ssake，sir，stopthat’erepipe。”wastheworkofaminutewithMr。Bowls。”O，Mr。James，what’AVEyoudone！”hesaidinavoiceofthedeepestpathos，ashethrewtheimplementoutofthewindow。”What’aveyoudone，sir！Missiscan’tabide’em。”
“Missisneedn’tsmoke。”saidJameswithafranticmisplacedlaugh，andthoughtthewholematteranexcellentjoke。Buthisfeelingswereverydifferentinthemorning，whenMr。Bowls’syoungman，whooperateduponMr。
James’sboots，andbroughthimhishotwatertoshavethatbeardwhichhewassoanxiouslyexpecting，handedanoteintoMr。Jamesinbed，inthehandwritingofMissBriggs。
“Dearsir。”itsaid，“MissCrawleyhaspassedanexceedinglydisturbednight，owingtotheshockingmannerinwhichthehousehasbeenpollutedbytobacco；MissCrawleybidsmesaysheregretsthatsheistoounwelltoseeyoubeforeyougo——andaboveallthatsheeverinducedyoutoremovefromtheale-house，wheresheissureyouwillbemuchmorecomfortableduringtherestofyourstayatBrighton。”
AndherewithhonestJames’scareerasacandidateforhisaunt’sfavourended。Hehadinfact，andwithoutknowingit，donewhathemenacedtodo。HehadfoughthiscousinPittwiththegloves。
Wheremeanwhilewashewhohadbeenoncefirstfavouriteforthisraceformoney？BeckyandRawdon，aswehaveseen，werecometogetherafterWaterloo，andwerepassingthewinterof1815atParisingreatsplendourandgaiety。Rebeccawasagoodeconomist，andthepricepoorJosSedleyhadpaidforhertwohorseswasinitselfsufficienttokeeptheirlittleestablishmentafloatforayear，attheleast；therewasnooccasiontoturnintomoney“mypistols，thesamewhichIshotCaptainMarker。”orthegolddressing-case，orthecloaklinedwithsable。Beckyhaditmadeintoapelisseforherself，inwhichsherodeintheBoisdeBoulognetotheadmirationofall：andyoushouldhaveseenthescenebetweenherandherdelightedhusband，whomsherejoinedafterthearmyhadenteredCambray，andwhensheunsewedherself，andletoutofherdressallthosewatches，knick-knacks，bank-notes，cheques，andvaluables，whichshehadsecretedinthewadding，previoustohermeditatedflightfromBrussels！Tuftowascharmed，andRawdonroaredwithdelightedlaughter，andsworethatshewasbetterthananyplayheeversaw，byJove。
AndthewayinwhichshejockeyedJos，andwhichshedescribedwithinfinitefun，carrieduphisdelighttoapitchofquiteinsaneenthusiasm。HebelievedinhiswifeasmuchastheFrenchsoldiersinNapoleon。
HersuccessinPariswasremarkable。AlltheFrenchladiesvotedhercharming。Shespoketheirlanguageadmirably。Sheadoptedatoncetheirgrace，theirliveliness，theirmanner。Herhusbandwasstupidcertainly——allEnglisharestupid——and，besides，adullhusbandatParisisalwaysapointinalady’sfavour。HewastheheiroftherichandspirituelleMissCrawley，whosehousehadbeenopentosomanyoftheFrenchnoblesseduringtheemigration。Theyreceivedthecolonel’swifeintheirownhotels——“Why。”wroteagreatladytoMissCrawley，whohadboughtherlaceandtrinketsattheDuchess’sownprice，andgivenhermanyadinnerduringthepinchingtimesaftertheRevolution——“WhydoesnotourdearMisscometohernephewandniece，andherattachedfriendsinParis？AlltheworldraffolesofthecharmingMistressandherespieglebeauty。Yes，weseeinherthegrace，thecharm，thewitofourdearfriendMissCrawley！