“PoorBriggscannomoreplaythananowl，sheissostupid“thespinsteralwaystookanopportunityofabusingBriggsbeforetheservants；“andIthinkIshouldsleepbetterifIhadmygame。”
AtthisLadyJaneblushedtothetipsofherlittleears，anddowntotheendsofherprettyfingers；andwhenMr。
Bowlshadquittedtheroom，andthedoorwasquiteshut，shesaid：
“MissCrawley，Icanplayalittle。Iusedto——toplayalittlewithpoordearpapa。”
“Comeandkissme。Comeandkissmethisinstant，youdeargoodlittlesoul。”criedMissCrawleyinanecstasy：
andinthispicturesqueandfriendlyoccupationMr。Pittfoundtheoldladyandtheyoungone，whenhecameupstairswithhimpamphletinhishand。Howshedidblushalltheevening，thatpoorLadyJane！
ItmustnotbeimaginedthatMr。PittCrawley’sartificesescapedtheattentionofhisdearrelationsattheRectoryatQueen’sCrawley。HampshireandSussexlieveryclosetogether，andMrs。Butehadfriendsinthelattercountywhotookcaretoinformherofall，andagreatdealmorethanall，thatpassedatMissCrawley’shouseatBrighton。Pittwastheremoreandmore。HedidnotcomeformonthstogethertotheHall，wherehisabominableoldfatherabandonedhimselfcompletelytorum-
and-water，andtheodioussocietyoftheHorrocksfamily。
Pitt’ssuccessrenderedtheRector’sfamilyfurious，andMrs。Buteregrettedmorethoughsheconfessedless
thaneverhermonstrousfaultinsoinsultingMissBriggs，andinbeingsohaughtyandparsimonioustoBowlsandFirkin，thatshehadnotasinglepersonleftinMissCrawley’shouseholdtogiveherinformationofwhattookplacethere。”ItwasallBute’scollar-bone。”shepersistedinsaying；“ifthathadnotbroke，Ineverwouldhavelefther。I
amamartyrtodutyandtoyourodiousunclericalhabitofhunting，Bute。”
“Hunting；nonsense！Itwasyouthatfrightenedher，Barbara。”thedivineinterposed。”You’reacleverwoman，butyou’vegotadevilofatemper；andyou’reascrewwithyourmoney，Barbara。”
“You’dhavebeenscrewedingaol，Bute，ifIhadnotkeptyourmoney。”
“IknowIwould，mydear。”saidtheRector，good-naturedly。
“YouAREacleverwoman，butyoumanagetoowell，youknow“：andthepiousmanconsoledhimselfwithabigglassofport。
“WhatthedeucecanshefindinthatspooneyofaPittCrawley？”hecontinued。”ThefellowhasnotpluckenoughtosayBotoagoose。IrememberwhenRawdon，whoisaman，andbehangedtohim，usedtofloghimroundthestablesasifhewasawhipping-top：andPittwouldgohowlinghometohisma——ha，ha！Why，eitherofmyboyswouldwhophimwithonehand。Jimsayshe’srememberedatOxfordasMissCrawleystill——thespooney。
“Isay，Barbara。”hisreverencecontinued，afterapause。
“What？”saidBarbara，whowasbitinghernails，anddrummingthetable。
“Isay，whynotsendJimovertoBrightontoseeifhecandoanythingwiththeoldlady。He’sveryneargettinghisdegree，youknow。He’sonlybeenpluckedtwice——sowasI——buthe’shadtheadvantagesofOxfordandauniversityeducation。Heknowssomeofthebestchapsthere。
HepullsstrokeintheBonifaceboat。He’sahandsomefeller。D——it，ma’am，let’sputhimontheoldwoman，hey，andtellhimtothrashPittifhesaysanything。
Ha，ha，ha！
“Jimmightgodownandseeher，certainly。”thehousewifesaid；addingwithasigh，“Ifwecouldbutgetoneofthegirlsintothehouse；butshecouldneverendurethem，becausetheyarenotpretty！”Thoseunfortunateandwell-educatedwomenmadethemselvesheardfromtheneighbouringdrawing-room，wheretheywerethrummingaway，withhardfingers，anelaboratemusic-pieceonthepiano-forte，astheirmotherspoke；andindeed，theywereatmusic，oratbackboard，oratgeography，orathistory，thewholedaylong。Butwhatavailalltheseaccomplishments，inVanityFair，togirlswhoareshort，poor，plain，andhaveabadcomplexion？Mrs。ButecouldthinkofnobodybuttheCuratetotakeoneofthemoffherhands；
andJimcominginfromthestableatthisminute，throughtheparlourwindow，withashortpipestuckinhisoilskincap，heandhisfatherfelltotalkingaboutoddsontheSt。Leger，andthecolloquybetweentheRectorandhiswifeended。
Mrs。ButedidnotaugurmuchgoodtothecausefromthesendingofhersonJamesasanambassador，andsawhimdepartinratheradespairingmood。Nordidtheyoungfellowhimself，whentoldwhathismissionwastobe，expectmuchpleasureorbenefitfromit；buthewasconsoledbythethoughtthatpossiblytheoldladywouldgivehimsomehandsomeremembranceofher，whichwouldpayafewofhismostpressingbillsatthecommencementoftheensuingOxfordterm，andsotookhisplacebythecoachfromSouthampton，andwassafelylandedatBrightononthesameevening？withhisportmanteau，hisfavouritebull-dogTowzer，andanimmensebasketoffarmandgardenproduce，fromthedearRectoryfolkstothedearMissCrawley。Consideringitwastoolatetodisturbtheinvalidladyonthefirstnightofhisarrival，heputupataninn，anddidnotwaituponMissCrawleyuntilalatehourinthenoonofnextday。
JamesCrawley，whenhisaunthadlastbeheldhim，wasagawkylad，atthatuncomfortableagewhenthevoicevariesbetweenanunearthlytrebleandapreternaturalbass；whenthefacenotuncommonlybloomsoutwithappearancesforwhichRowland’sKalydorissaidtoactasacure；whenboysareseentoshavefurtivelywiththeirsister’sscissors，andthesightofotheryoungwomenproducesintolerablesensationsofterrorinthem；whenthegreathandsandanklesprotrudealongwayfromgarmentswhichhavegrowntootightforthem；whentheirpresenceafterdinnerisatoncefrightfultotheladies，whoarewhisperinginthetwilightinthedrawing-room，andinexpressiblyodioustothegentlemenoverthemahogany，whoarerestrainedfromfreedomofintercourseanddelightfulinterchangeofwitbythepresenceofthatgawkyinnocence；when，attheconclusionofthesecondglass，papasays，“Jack，myboy，gooutandseeiftheeveningholdsup。”andtheyouth，willingtobefree，yethurtatnotbeingyetaman，quitstheincompletebanquet。James，thenahobbadehoy，wasnowbecomeayoungman，havinghadthebenefitsofauniversityeducation，andacquiredtheinestimablepolishwhichisgainedbylivinginafastsetatasmallcollege，andcontractingdebts，andbeingrusticated，andbeingplucked。
Hewasahandsomelad，however，whenhecametopresenthimselftohisauntatBrighton，andgoodlookswerealwaysatitletothefickleoldlady’sfavour。Nordidhisblushesandawkwardnesstakeawayfromit：shewaspleasedwiththesehealthytokensoftheyounggentleman’singenuousness。
Hesaid“hehadcomedownforacoupleofdaystoseeamanofhiscollege，and——andtopaymyrespectstoyou，Ma’am，andmyfather’sandmother’s，whohopeyouarewell。”
PittwasintheroomwithMissCrawleywhentheladwasannounced，andlookedveryblankwhenhisnamewasmentioned。Theoldladyhadplentyofhumour，andenjoyedhercorrectnephew’sperplexity。SheaskedafterallthepeopleattheRectorywithgreatinterest；andsaidshewasthinkingofpayingthemavisit。Shepraisedtheladtohisface，andsaidhewaswell-grownandverymuchimproved，andthatitwasapityhissistershadnotsomeofhisgoodlooks；andfinding，oninquiry，thathehadtakenuphisquartersatanhotel，wouldnothearofhisstoppingthere，butbadeMr。BowlssendforMr。JamesCrawley’sthingsinstantly；“andharkye，Bowls。”sheadded，withgreatgraciousness，“youwillhavethegoodnesstopayMr。James’sbill。”
SheflungPittalookofarchtriumph，whichcausedthatdiplomatistalmosttochokewithenvy。Muchashehadingratiatedhimselfwithhisaunt，shehadneveryetinvitedhimtostayunderherroof，andherewasayoungwhipper-snapper，whoatfirstsightwasmadewelcomethere。
“Ibegyourpardon，sir。”saysBowls，advancingwithaprofoundbow；“whatotel，sir，shallThomasfetchtheluggagefrom？”
“O，dam。”saidyoungJames，startingup，asifinsomealarm，“I’llgo。”
“What！”saidMissCrawley。
“TheTomCribb’sArms。”saidJames，blushingdeeply。
MissCrawleyburstoutlaughingatthistitle。Mr。
Bowlsgaveoneabruptguffaw，asaconfidentialservantofthefamily，butchokedtherestofthevolley；thediplomatistonlysmiled。
“I——Ididn’tknowanybetter。”saidJames，lookingdown。
“I’veneverbeenherebefore；itwasthecoachmantoldme。”Theyoungstory-teller！Thefactis，thatontheSouthamptoncoach，thedayprevious，JamesCrawleyhadmettheTutburyPet，whowascomingtoBrightontomakeamatchwiththeRottingdeanFibber；andenchantedbythePet’sconversation，hadpassedtheeveningincompanywiththatscientificmanandhisfriends，attheinninquestion。
“I——I’dbestgoandsettlethescore。”Jamescontinued。
“Couldn’tthinkofaskingyou，Ma’am。”headded，generously。
Thisdelicacymadehisauntlaughthemore。
“Goandsettlethebill，Bowls。”shesaid，withawaveofherhand，“andbringittome。”
Poorlady，shedidnotknowwhatshehaddone！”There——there’salittledawg。”saidJames，lookingfrightfullyguilty。”I’dbestgoforhim。Hebitesfootmen’scalves。”
Allthepartycriedoutwithlaughingatthisdescription；
evenBriggsandLadyJane，whowassittingmuteduringtheinterviewbetweenMissCrawleyandhernephew：andBowls，withoutaword，quittedtheroom。
Still，bywayofpunishinghereldernephew，MissCrawleypersistedinbeinggracioustotheyoungOxonian。
Therewerenolimitstoherkindnessorhercomplimentswhentheyoncebegan。ShetoldPitthemightcometodinner，andinsistedthatJamesshouldaccompanyherinherdrive，andparadedhimsolemnlyupanddownthecliff，onthebackseatofthebarouche。Duringallthisexcursion，shecondescendedtosaycivilthingstohim：
shequotedItalianandFrenchpoetrytothepoorbewilderedlad，andpersistedthathewasafinescholar，andwasperfectlysurehewouldgainagoldmedal，andbeaSeniorWrangler。
“Haw，haw。”laughedJames，encouragedbythesecompliments；“SeniorWrangler，indeed；that’sattheothershop。”
“Whatistheothershop，mydearchild？”saidthelady。
“SeniorWranglersatCambridge，notOxford。”saidthescholar，withaknowingair；andwouldprobablyhavebeenmoreconfidential，butthatsuddenlythereappearedonthecliffinatax-cart，drawnbyabang-uppony，dressedinwhiteflannelcoats，withmother-of-pearlbuttons，hisfriendstheTutburyPetandtheRottingdeanFibber，withthreeothergentlemenoftheiracquaintance，whoallsalutedpoorJamesthereinthecarriageashesate。Thisincidentdampedtheingenuousyouth’sspirits，andnowordofyeaornaycouldhebeinducedtoutterduringtherestofthedrive。
Onhisreturnhefoundhisroomprepared，andhisportmanteauready，andmighthaveremarkedthatMr。
Bowls’scountenance，whenthelatterconductedhimtohisapartments，worealookofgravity，wonder，andcompassion。ButthethoughtofMr。Bowlsdidnotenterhishead。Hewasdeploringthedreadfulpredicamentinwhichhefoundhimself，inahousefullofoldwomen，jabberingFrenchandItalian，andtalkingpoetrytohim。
“Reglarlyupatree，byjingo！”exclaimedthemodestboy，whocouldnotfacethegentlestofhersex——notevenBriggs——whenshebegantotalktohim；whereas，puthimatIffleyLock，andhecouldout-slangtheboldestbargeman。
Atdinner，Jamesappearedchokinginawhiteneckcloth，andhadthehonourofhandingmyLadyJanedownstairs，whileBriggsandMr。Crawleyfollowedafterwards，conductingtheoldlady，withherapparatusofbundles，andshawls，andcushions。HalfofBriggs’stimeatdinnerwasspentinsuperintendingtheinvalid’scomfort，andincuttingupchickenforherfatspaniel。Jamesdidnottalkmuch，buthemadeapointofaskingalltheladiestodrinkwine，andacceptedMr。Crawley’schallenge，andconsumedthegreaterpartofabottleofchampagnewhichMr。Bowlswasorderedtoproduceinhishonour。Theladieshavingwithdrawn，andthetwocousinsbeinglefttogether，Pitt，theex-diplomatist，becameverycommunicativeandfriendly。HeaskedafterJames’scareeratcollege——whathisprospectsinlifewere——hopedheartilyhewouldgeton；and，inaword，wasfrankandamiable。James’stongueunloosedwiththeport，andhetoldhiscousinhislife，hisprospects，hisdebts，histroublesatthelittle-go，andhisrowswiththeproctors，fillingrapidlyfromthebottlesbeforehim，andflyingfromPorttoMadeirawithjoyousactivity。
“Thechiefpleasurewhichmyaunthas。”saidMr。
Crawley，fillinghisglass，“isthatpeopleshoulddoastheylikeinherhouse。ThisisLibertyHall，James，andyoucan’tdoMissCrawleyagreaterkindnessthantodoasyouplease，andaskforwhatyouwill。IknowyouhaveallsneeredatmeinthecountryforbeingaTory。
MissCrawleyisliberalenoughtosuitanyfancy。SheisaRepublicaninprinciple，anddespiseseverythinglikerankortitle。”
“WhyareyougoingtomarryanEarl’sdaughter？”
saidJames。