`Ihardlyknowwhattosayaboutit，’shewrites，`orwhattothink。Totellyouthetruth，Helen，Idon’tlikethethoughtofitatall。IfIamtobeMrHattersley’swife，Imusttrytolovehim；
andIdotrywithallmymight；butIhavemadeverylittleprogressyet；
andtheworstsymptomofthecaseis，thatthefurtherheisfrommethebetterlikehim：hefrightensmewithhisabruptmannersandstrangehectoringways，andIdreadthethoughtofmarryinghim。“Thenwhyhaveyouacceptedhim？”youwillask；andIdidn’tknowIhadacceptedhim；butmammatellsmeIhave，andheseemstothinksotoo。Icertainlydidn’tmeantodoso；butIdidnotliketogivehimaflatrefusalforfearmammashouldbegrievedandangryforIknewshewishedmetomarryhim，andIwantedtotalktoherfirstaboutit，soIgavehimwhatIthoughtwasanevasive，halfnegativeanswer；butshesaysitwasasgoodasanacceptance，andhewouldthinkmeverycapriciousifIweretoattempttodrawback——andindeed，Iwassoconfusedandfrightenedatthemoment，IcanhardlytellwhatIsaid。AndnexttimeIsawhim，heaccostedmeinallconfidenceashisacedbride，andimmediatelybegantosettlematterswithmamma。
Ihadnotcouragetocontradictthemthen，andhowcanIdoitnow？Icannot：
theywouldthinkmemad，Besides，mammaissodelightedwiththeideaofthematch；shethinksshehasmanagedsowellforme；andIcannotbeartodisappointher。Idoobjectsometimes，andtellherwhatIfeel，butyoudon’tknowhowshetalks。MrHattersley，youknow，isthesonofarichbanker，andasEstherandIhavenofortunesandWalterverylittle，ourdearmammaisveryanxioustoseeusallwellmarried，thatis，unitedtorichpartners——itisnotmyideaofbeingwellmarried，butshemeansitallforthebest。ShesayswhenIamsafeoffherhandsitwillbesucharelieftohermind；andsheassuresmeitwillbeagoodthingforthefamilyaswellasforme。EvenWalterispleasedattheprospect，andwhenIconfessedmyreluctancetohim，hesaiditwasallchildishnonsense。Doyouthinkitnonsense，Helen？IshouldnotcareifIcouldseeanyprospectofbeingabletoloveandadmirehim，butIcan’t。
Thereisnothingabouthimtohangone’sesterandaffectionupon：heisdodiametricallyoppositetowhatIimagined-myhusbandshouldbe。Dowritetome，andsayallyoucantoencourageme。Don’tattempttodissuademe，formyfateisfixed：preparationsfortheimportanteventarealreadygoingonaroundme；anddon’tsayawordagainstMrHattersley，forIwanttothinkwellofhim；andthoughIhavespokenagainsthimmyself，itisforthelasttime：hereafter，Ishallneverpermitmyselftoutterawordinhisdispraise，howeverhemayseemtodeserveit；andwhoeverventurestospeakslightinglyofthemanIhavepromisedtolove，tohonour，andobeymustexpectmyseriousdispleasure。Afterall，IthinkheisquiteasgoodasMrHuntingdon，ifnotbetter：andyet，youlovehim，andseemtobehappyandcontented；andperhapsImaymanageaswell。Youmusttellme，ifyoucan，thatMrHattersleyisbetterthanheseems——thatheisupright，honourable，andopen-hearted——infact，aperfectdiamondintherough。Hemaybeallthis，butIdon’tknowhim——IknowonlytheexteriorandwhatItrustistheworstpartofhim。’
Sheconcludeswith`Goodbye，dearHelen，Iamwaitinganxiouslyforyouradvice-butmindyouletitbeallontherightside。’
Alas！poorMilicent，whatencouragementcanIgiveyou？——orwhatadvice——exceptthatitisbettertomakeaboldstandnow，thoughattheexpenseofdisappointingandangeringbothmotherandbrother，andlover，thantodevoteyourwholelife，hereafter，tomiseryandvainregret？
Saturday，13th。Theweekisover，andheisnotcome。Allthesweetsummerispassingawaywithoutonebreathofpleasuretomeorbenefittohim。AndIhadallalongbeenlookingforwardtothisseasonwiththefond，delusivehopethatweshouldenjoyitsosweetlytogether；andthat，withGod’shelpandmyexertions，itwouldbethemeansofelevatinghismind，andrefininghistastetoadueappreciationofthesalutaryandpuredelightsofnature。andpeace，andholylove。Butnow，——atevening，whenIseetheround，redsunsinkquietlydownbehindthosewoodyhills，leavingthemsleepinginawarm，red，goldenhaze，Ionlythinkanotherlovelydayislosttohimandme；——andatmorning，whenrouse’bytheflutterandchirpofthesparrows，andthegleefultwitteroftheswallows——allintentuponfeedingtheiryoung，andfulloflifeandjoyintheirownlittleframes——Iopenthewindowtoinhalethebalmy，soul-revivingairandlookoutuponthelovelylandscape，laughingindewandsunshine——I
toooftenshamethatgloriousscenewithtearsofthanklessmisery，becausehecannotfeelitsfresheninginfluence；——andwhenIwanderintheancientwoods，andmeetthelittlewildflowerssmilinginmypath，orsitintheshadowofournobleash-treesbythewatersidewiththeirbranchesgentlyswayinginthelightsummerbreezethatmurmursthroughtheirfeatheryfoliage——myearsfullofthatlowmusicmingledwiththedreamyhumofinsects，myeyesabstractedlygazingontheglassysurfaceofthelittlelakebeforeme，withthetreesthatcrowdaboutitsbank，somegracefullybendingtokissitswaters，somerearingtheirstatelyheadshighabove，butstretchingtheirwidearmsoveritsmargin，allfaithfullymirroredfar，fardowninitsglassydepth——thoughsometimestheimagesarepartiallybrokenbythesportofaquaticinsects，andsometimes，foramoment，thewholeisshiveredintotremblingfragmentsbyatransientbreezethatsweptthesurfacetooroughly，——stillIhavenopleasure；forthegreaterthehappinessthatnaturesetsbeforeme，themoreIlamentthatheisnotheretotasteit：thegreatertheblisswemightenjoytogether，themoreIfeelourpresent`wretchednessapartyes，ours；hemustbewretched，thoughhemaynotknowit；andthemoremysensesarepleased，themoremyheartisoppressed；forhekeepsitwithhimconfinedamidthedustandsmokeofLondon，——perhapsshutupwithinthewallsofhisownabominableclub。
Butmostofall，atnight，whenIentermylonelychamber。andlookoutuponthesummermoon，`sweetregentofthesky，’floatingabovemeinthe`blackbluevaultofheaven，’sheddingafloodofsilverradianceoverpark，andwood，andwater，sopure，sopeaceful，sodivine，——andthink，`Whereishenow？——whatishedoingatthismoment？——whollyunconsciousofthisheavenlyscene，——perhapsrevellingwithhisbooncompanions，perhaps——’
Godhelpme，itistoo——toomuch！
23rd。ThankHeaven，heiscomeatlast！Buthowaltered！——flushedandfeverish，listlessandlanguid，hisbeautystrangelydiminished，hisvigourandvivacityquitedeparted。Ihavenotupbraidedhimbywordorlook；Ihavenotevenaskedhimwhathehasbeendoing。Ihavenotthehearttodoit，forIthinkheisashamedofhimself——hemustbesoindeed，——andsuchenquiriescouldnotfailtobepainfultoboth。Myforbearancepleaseshim——toucheshimeven，Iaminclinedtothink。Hesaysheisgladtobehomeagain，andGodknowshowgladIamtogethimback，evenasheis。
Heliesonthesofanearlyalldaylong；andIplayandsingtohimforhourstogether。Iwritehislettersforhim，andgethimeverythinghewants；andsometimesIreadtohim，andsometimesItalk，andsometimesonlysitbyhimandsoothehimwithsilentcaresses。Iknowhedoesnotdeserveit；andIfearIamspoilinghim；butthisonce，Iwillforgivehim，freelyandentirely——IwillshamehimintovirtueifIcan，andI
willneverlethimleavemeagain。
Heispleasedwithmyattentions——itmaybe，gratefulforthem。
Helikestohavemenearhim；andthoughheispeevishandtestywithhisservantsandhisdogs，heisgentleandkindtome，Whathewouldbe，ifIdidnotsowatchfullyanticipatehiswants，andsocarefullyavoid，orimmediatelydesistfrom，doinganythingthathasatendencytoirritateordisturbhim，withhoweverlittlereason，Icannottell。HowintenselyIwishhewereworthyofallthiscare！LastnightasIsatbesidehim，withhisheadinmylap，passingmyfingersthroughhisbeautifulcurls，thisthoughtmademyeyesoverflowwithsorrowfultears——asitoftendoes，——butthistime，atearfellonhisfaceandmadehimlookup。Hesmiled，butnotinsultingly。
`DearHelen！’hesaid——`whydoyoucry？youknowthatIloveyouandhepressedmyhandtohisfeverishlips，`andwhatmorecouldyoudesire？’
`Only，Arthur，thatyouwouldloveyourself，astrulyandasfaithfullyasyouarelovedbyme。’
`Thatwouldbehardindeed！’hereplied，tenderlysqueezingmyhand，Idon’tknowwhetherhefullyunderstoodmymeaning，buthesmiled——thoughtfullyandevensadly——amostunusualthingwithhim；——andthenheclosedhiseyesandfellasleep，lookingascarelessandsinlessasachild。AsI
watchedthatplacidslumber，myheartswelledfullerthanever，andmytearsflowedunrestrained。
August24。Arthurishimselfagain，aslustyandreckless，aslightofheartandheadasever，andasrestlessandhardtoamuseasaspoiltchild，——andalmostasfullofmischieftoo，especiallywhenwetweatherkeepshimwithindoors。Iwishhehadsomethingtodo，someusefultrade，orprofession，oremployment——anythingtooccupyhisheadorhishandsforafewhoursaday，andgivehimsomethingbesideshisownpleasuretothinkabout，Ifhewouldplaythecountrygentleman，andattendtothefarm——butthatheknowsnothingabout，andwon’tgivehismindtoconsider，——orifhewouldtakeupwithsomeliterarystudy，orlearntodrawortoplay——asheissofondofmusic，Ioftentrytopersuadehimtolearnthepiano，butheisfartooidleforsuchanundertaking：hehasnomoreideaofexertinghimselftoovercomeobstaclesthanhehasofrestraininghisnaturalappetites；andthesetwothingsaretheruinofhim。Ilaythembothtothechargeofhisharshyetcarelessfatherandhismadlyindulgentmother。
IfeverIamamotherIwillzealouslystriveagainstthiscrimeofover-indulgence——I
canhardlygiveitamildernamewhenIthinkoftheevilsitbrings。
Happily，itwillsoonbetheshootingseason，andthen，iftheweatherpermit，hewillfindoccupationenoughinthepursuitanddestructionofthepartridgesandpheasants：wehavenogrouse，orhemighthavebeensimilarlyoccupiedatthismoment，insteadoflyingundertheacaciatreepullingpoorDash’sears。Buthesaysitisdullworkshootingalone；hemusthaveafriendortwotohelphim。
`Letthembetolerablydecentthen，Arthur，’saidI——Theword`friend，’inhismouth，makesmeshudder：Iknowitwassomeofhis`friends’
thatinducedhimtostaybehindmeinLondon，andkepthimawaysolong——indeed，fromwhathehasunguardedlytoldme，orhintedfromtimetotime，Icannotdoubtthathefrequentlyshowedthemmyletters，toletthemseehowfondlyhiswifewatchedoverhisinterestsandhowkeenlysheregrettedhisabsence；
andthattheyinducedhimtoremainweekafterweek，andtoplungeintoallmannerofexcessestoavoidbeinglaughedatforawife-riddenfool，and，perhaps，toshowhowfarhecouldventuretogowithoutdangerofshakingthefondcreature’sdevotedattachment。Itisahatefulidea，butIcannotbelieveitisafalseone。
`Well，’repliedhe，`IthoughtofLordLowboroughforone；butthereisnopossibilityofgettinghimwithouthisbetterhalf，ourmutualfriendAnnabella；sowemustaskthemboth。You’renotafraidofher，areyou，Helen？’heasked，withamischievoustwinkleinhiseyes。
`Ofcoursenot，’Ianswered：`whyshouldI？——Andwhobesides？’
`Hargraveforone——hewillbegladtocome，thoughhisownplaceissonear，forhehaslittleenoughlandofhisowntoshootover，andwecanextendourdepredationsintoit，ifwelike；——andheisthoroughlyrespectable，youknow，Helen，quitealady’sman：——andIthink，Grimsbyforanother：he’sadecent，quietfellowenough——you’llnotobjecttoGrimsby？’
`Ihatehim；buthowever，ifyouwishit，I’lltrytoendurehispresenceforawhile。’