第23章
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  butintheforegroundwerepartofthegnarledtrunkandofthespreadingboughsofalargeforesttree,whosefoliagewasofabrilliantgoldengreen——notgoldenfromautumnalmellowness,butfromthesunshine,andtheveryimmaturityofthescarceexpandedleaves。Uponthisbough,thatstoodoutinboldreliefagainstthesombrefirs,wereseatedanamorouspairofturtledoves,whosesoftsad-colouredplumageaffordedacontrastofanothernature;andbeneathit,ayounggirlwaskneelingonthedaisy-spangledturf,withheadthrownbackandmassesoffairhairfallingonhershoulders,herhandsclasped,lipsparted,andeyesintentlygazingupwardinpleased,yetearnestcontemplationofthosefeatheredlovers——toodeeplyabsorbedineachothertonoticeher。

  Ihadscarcelysettledtomywork——which,however,wantedbutafewtouchestothefinishing——whenthesportsmenpassedthewindowontheirreturnfromthestables。Itwaspartlyopen,andMrHuntingdonmusthaveseenmeashewentby,forinhalfaminutehecameback,andsettinghisgunagainstthewall,threwupthesash,andsprangin,andsethimselfbeforemypicture。

  `Verypretty,i’faith!’saidhe,afterattentivelyregardingitforafewseconds——`andaveryfittingstudyforayounglady——Springjustopeningintosummer——morningjustapproachingnoon——girlhoodjustripeningintowomanhood——andhopejustvergingonfruition。She’sasweetcreature!butwhydidn’tyoumakeherblackhair?’

  `Ithoughtlighthairwouldsuitherbetter。YouseeIhavemadeherblue-eyed,andplump,andfairandrosy。’

  `Uponmyword——averyHebe!Ishouldfallinlovewithher,ifIhadn’ttheartistbeforeme。Sweetinnocent!she’sthinkingtherewillcomeatimewhenshewillbewooedandwonlikethatprettyhen-dove,byasfondandferventalover;andshe’sthinkinghowpleasantitwillbe,andhowtenderandfaithfulhewillfindher’

  `Andperhaps,’suggestedI,`howtenderandfaithfulsheshallfindhim。’

  `Perhaps——forthereisnolimittothewildextravaganceofhope’simaginings,atsuchanage。’

  `Doyoucallthat,then,oneofherwild,extravagantdelusions?’

  `No;myhearttellsmeitisnot。Imighthavethoughtsoonce,butnow,Isay,givemethegirlIlove,andIwillsweareternalconstancytoherandheralone,throughsummerandwinter,throughyouthandage,andlifeanddeath!ifageanddeathmustcome。’

  Hespokethisinsuchseriousearnestthatmyheartboundedwithdelight;buttheminuteafterhechangedhistone,andasked,withasignificantsmile,ifIhad`anymoreportraits。’

  `No,’repliedI,reddeningwithconfusionandwrath,Butmyportfoliowasonthetable;hetookitup,andcoollysatdowntoexamineitscontents。

  `MrHuntingdon,thosearemyunfinishedsketches,’criedI,`andIneverletanyoneseethem。’

  AndIplacedmyhandontheportfoliotowrestitfromhim;buthemaintainedhishold,assuringmethathe`likedshedsketchesofallthings。’

  `ButIhatethemtobeseen,’returnedI。`Ican’tletyouhaveit,indeed!’

  `Letmehaveitsbowelsthen,’saidhe;andjustasIwrenchedtheportfoliofromhishand,hedeftlyabstractedthegreaterpartofitscontents,andafterturningthemoveramoment,hecriedout,——

  `Blessmystars,here’sanother!’andslippedasmallovalofivorypaperintohiswaistcoatpocket——acompleteminiatureportrait,thatIhadsketchedwithsuchtolerablesuccess,astobeinducedtocolouritwithgreatpainsandcare。ButIwasdeterminedheshouldnotkeepit。

  `MrHuntingdon,’criedI,`Iinsistuponhavingthatback!Itismine,andyouhavenorighttotakeit。Giveitme,directly——I’llneverforgiveyou,ifyoudon’t!’

  ButthemorevehementlyIinsisted,themoreheaggravatedmydistressbyhisinsulting,gleefullaugh。Atlength,however,herestoredittome,saying——

  `Well,well,sinceyouvalueitsomuch,I’llnotdepriveyouofit。’

  ToshowhimhowIvaluedit,Itoreitintwo,andthrewitintothefire。Hewasnotpreparedforthis。Hismerrimentsuddenlyceasing,hestaredinmuteamazementattheconsumingtreasure;andthen,withacareless`Humph!I’llgoandshootnow,’heturnedonhisheel,andvacatedtheapartmentbythewindowashecame,andsettingonhishatwithanair,tookuphisgunandwalkedaway,whistlingashewent——andleavingmenottoomuchagitatedtofinishmypicture;forIwasglad,atthemoment,thatIhadvexedhim。

  WhenIreturnedtothedrawing。room,IfoundMrBoarhamhadventuredtofollowhiscomradestothefield;andshortlyafterlunch,towhichtheydidnotthinkofreturning,Ivolunteeredtoaccompanytheladiesinawalk,andshowAnnabellaandMilicentthebeautiesofthecountry。

  Wetookalongrambleandreenteredtheparkjustasthesportsmenwerereturningfromtheirexpedition。Toil-spentandtravel-stained,themainbodyofthemcrossedoverthegrasstoavoidus;butMrHuntingdon,allspatteredandsplashedashewas,andstainedwiththebloodofhisprey——tothenosmalloffenceofmyaunt’sstrictsenseofpropriety——cameoutofhiswaytomeetus,withcheerfulsmilesandwordsforallbutme,andplacinghimselfbetweenAnnabellaWilmotandmyself,walkeduptheroadandbegantorelatethevariousexploitsanddisastersoftheday,inamannerthatwouldhaveconvulsedmewithlaughter,ifIhadbeenongoodtermswithhim;butheaddressedhimselfentirelytoAnnabella,andI,ofcourse,leftallthelaughterandallthebadinagetoher,andaffectingtheutmostindifferencetoWhateverpassedbetweenthem,walkedalongafewpacesapart,andlookingeverywaybuttheirs;whilemyauntandMilicentwentbefore,linkedarminarm,andgravelydiscoursingtogether。Atlength,MrHuntingdonturnedtome,andaddressingmeinaconfidentialwhisper,said——

  `Helen,whydidyouburnmypicture?’

  `BecauseIwishedtodestroyit,’Ianswered,withanasperityitisuselessnowtolament。

  `Oh,verygood!’wasthereply;`ifyoudon’tvalueme,Imustturntosomebodythatwill。’

  Ithoughtitwaspartlyinjest——ahalf-playfulmixtureofmockresignationandpretendedindifference;butimmediatelyheresumedhisplacebesideMissWilmot,andfromthathourtothis——duringallthatevening,andallthenextday,andthenext,andthenext,andallthismorningthe22nd,hehasnevergivenmeonekindwordoronepleasantlook-neverspokentome,butfrompurenecessity——neverglancedtowardsme,butwithacold,unfriendlylookIthoughthimquiteincapableofassuming。

  Myauntobservesthechange,andthoughshehasnotenquiredthecauseormadeanyremarktomeonthesubject,Iseeitgivesherpleasure。

  MissWilmotobservesittoo,andtriumphantlyascribesittoherownsuperiorcharmsandblandishments;butIamtrulymiserable——moresothanIliketoacknowledgetomyself。Priderefusestoaidme。Ithasbroughtmeintothescrape,andwillnothelpmeoutofit。

  Hemeantnoharm——itwasonlyhisjoyous,playfulspirit;andI,bymyacrimoniousresentment——soserious,sodisproportionedtotheoffence——havesowoundhisfeelings——sodeeplyoffendedhim,thatIfearhewillneverforgiveme——andallforamerejest!HethinksIdislikehim,——andhemustcontinuetothinkso。Imustlosehimforever;andAnnabellamaywinhim,andtriumphasshewill。

  Butitisnotmyloss,norhertriumphthatIdeploresogreatlyasthewreckofmyfondhopesforhisadvantage,andherunworthinessofhisaffection,andtheinjuryhewilldohimselfbytrustinghishappinesstoher。Shedoesnotlovehim:shethinksonlyofherself。Shecannotappreciatethegoodthatisinhim:shewillneitherseeit,norvalueit,norcherishit。Shewillneitherdeplorehisfaultsnorattempttheiramendment,butratheraggravatethembyherown。AndIdoubtwhethershewillnotdeceivehimafterall:IseesheisplayingdoublebetweenhimandLordLowborough,andwhilesheamusesherselfwiththelivelyHuntingdon,shetriesherutmosttoenslavehismoodyfriend;andshouldshesucceedinbringingbothtoherfeet,thefascinatingcommonerwillhavebutlittlechanceagainstthelordlypeer。Ifheobservesherartfulby-play,itgiveshimnouneasiness,butratheraddsnewzesttohisdiversionbyopposingastimulatingchecktohisotherwisetooeasyconquest。

  MessrsWilmotandBoarhamhaveseverallytakenoccasionbyhisneglectofmetorenewtheiradvances;andifIwerelikeAnnabellaandsomeothers,Ishouldtakeadvantageoftheirperseverancetoendeavourtopiquehimintoarevivalofaffection;but,justiceandhonestyapart,Icouldnotbeartodoit;Iamannoyedenoughbytheirpresentpersecutionswithoutencouragingthemfarther;——andevenifIdid,itwouldhavepreciouslittleeffectuponhim。Heseesmesufferingunderthecondescendingattentionsandprosaicdiscoursesoftheone,andtherepulsiveobtrusionsoftheother,withoutsomuchasashadowofcommiserationforme,orresentmentagainstmytormentors。Henevercouldhavelovedme,orhewouldnothaveresignedmesowillingly,andhewouldnotgoontalkingtoeverybodyelsesocheerfullyashedoes——laughingandjestingwithLordLowboroughandmyuncle,teasingMilicentHargrave,andflirtingwithAnnabellaWilmot——asifnothingwereonhismind。Oh,whycan’tIhatehim?Imustbeinfatuated,orIshouldscorntoregrethimasIdo!ButImustrallyallthepowersIhaveremaining,andtrytotearhimfrommyheart。Theregoesthedinnerbell——andherecomesmyaunttoscoldmeforsittinghereatmydeskallday,insteadofstayingwiththecompany——I

  wishthecompanywere——gone。

  TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter19Chapter19AnIncidentTWENTY-SECOND。Night——WhathaveIdoneandwhatwillbetheendofit?

  Icannotcalmlyreflectuponit;Icannotsleep。Imusthaverecoursetomydiaryagain;Iwillcommitittopaperto-nightandseewhatIshallthinkofittomorrow。

  Iwentdowntodinnerresolvingtobecheerfulandwellconducted,andkeptmyresolutionverycreditably,consideringhowmyheadached,andhowinternallywretchedIfelt——Idon’tknowwhatiscomeovermeoflate:myveryenergiesbothmentalandphysicalmustbestrangelyimpaired,orIshouldnothaveactedsoweaklyinmanyrespects,asIhavedone;——butIhavenotbeenwellthislastdayortwo:Isupposeitiswithsleepingandeatingsolittle,andthinkingsomuch,andbeingsocontinuallyoutofhumour。Buttoreturn:Iwasexertingmyselftosingandplayfortheamusement,andattherequest,ofmyauntandMilicent,beforethegentlemencameintothedrawing-roomMissWilmotneverlikestowastehermusicaleffortsonladies’earsalone:MilicenthadaskedforalittleScotchsong,andIwasjustinthemiddleofitwhentheyentered。ThefirstthingMrHuntingdondidwastowalkuptoAnnabella:——

  `Now,MissWilmot,won’tyougiveussomemusictonight?’

  saidhe。`Donow!Iknowyouwill,whenItellyouthatIhavebeenhungeringandthirstingallday,forthesoundofyourvoice。Come!thepiano’svacant。’

  Itwas;forIhadquitteditimmediatelyuponhearinghispetition,HadIbeenendowedwithaproperdegreeofself-possession,Ishouldhaveturnedtotheladymyself,andcheerfullyjoinedmyentreatiestohis;

  wherebyIshouldhavedisappointedhisexpectations,iftheaffronthadbeenpurposelygiven,ormadehimsensibleofthewrong,ifithadonlyarisenfromthoughtlessness;butIfeltittoodeeplytodoanythingbutrisefromthemusic-stool,andthrowmyselfbackonthesofa,suppressingwithdifficultytheaudibleexpressionofthebitternessIfeltwithin。

  IknewAnnabella’smusicaltalentsweresuperiortomine,butthatwasnoreasonwhyIshouldbetreatedasaperfectnonentity。Thetimeandthemannerofhisaskingherappearedlikeagratuitousinsulttome;andIcouldhaveweptwithpurevexation。

  Meantime,sheexultantlyseatedherselfatthepiano,andfavouredhimwithtwoofhisfavouritesongs,insuchsuperiorstylethatevenI

  soonlostmyangerinadmiration,andlistenedwithasortofgloomypleasuretotheskilfulmodulationsofherfull-tonedandpowerfulvoice,sojudiciouslyaidedbyherroundedandspiritedtouch;andwhilemyearsdrankinthesound,myeyesrestedonthefaceofherprincipalauditor,andderivedanequalorsuperiordelightfromthecontemplationofhisspeakingcountenance,ashestoodbesideher——thateyeandbrowlightedupwithkeenenthusiasm,andthatsweetsmilepassingandappearinglikegleamsofsunshineonanAprilday。Nowonderheshouldhungerandthirsttohearhersing。Inowforgavehim,frommyheart,hisrecklessslightofme,andIfeltashamedatmypettishresentmentofsuchatrifle——ashamedtooofthosebitterenviouspangsthatgnawedmyinmostheart,inspiteofallthisadmirationanddelight。

  `Therenow!’saidshe,playfullyrunningherfingersoverthekeys,whenshehadconcludedthesecondsong。`WhatshallIgiveyounext?’

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