Iamnotgoingtogivehereanaccountofmymilitaryservices；
theywillappearinmygreatnationalautobiography，infortyvolumes，whichIamnowpreparingforthepress。IwaswithmyregimentinallWellesley’sbrilliantcampaigns；thentakingdawk，Itravelledacrossthecountrynorth-eastward，andhadthehonoroffightingbythesideofLordLakeatLaswaree，Deeg，Furruckabad，Futtyghur，andBhurtpore:butIwillnotboastofmyactions——themilitarymanknowsthem，MYSOVEREIGNappreciatesthem。IfaskedwhowasthebravestmanoftheIndianarmy，thereisnotanofficerbelongingtoitwhowouldnotcryatonce，GAHAGAN。Thefactis，I
wasdesperate:Icarednotforlife，deprivedofJuliaJowler。
WithJulia’sstonylookseverbeforemyeyes，herfather’ssternrefusalinmyears，Ididnotcare，atthecloseofthecampaign，againtoseekhercompanyortopressmysuit。Wewereeighteenmonthsonservice，marchingandcountermarching，andfightingalmosteveryotherday:totheworldIdidnotseemaltered；buttheworldonlysawtheface，andnotthesearedandblightedheartwithinme。Myvalor，alwaysdesperate，nowreachedtoapitchofcruelty；Itorturedmygroomsandgrass-cuttersforthemosttriflingoffenceorerror，——Ineverinactionsparedaman，——I
shearedoffthreehundredandnineheadsinthecourseofthatsinglecampaign。
Someinfluence，equallymelancholy，seemedtohavefallenuponpooroldJowler。AboutsixmonthsafterwehadleftDumDum，hereceivedaparceloflettersfromBenareswhitherhiswifehadretiredwithherdaughter，andsodeeplydidtheyseemtoweighuponhisspirits，thatheorderedelevenmenofhisregimenttobefloggedwithintwodays；butitwasagainsttheblacksthathechieflyturnedhiswrath。Ourfellows，intheheatandhurryofthecampaign，wereinthehabitofdealingratherroughlywiththeirprisoners，toextracttreasurefromthem:theyusedtopulltheirnailsoutbytheroot，toboiltheminkedgereepots，toflogthemanddresstheirwoundswithcayennepepper，andsoon。
Jowler，whenheheardoftheseproceedings，whichbeforehadalwaysjustlyexasperatedhimhewasahumaneandkindlittleman，usednowtosmilefiercelyandsay，”D——theblackscoundrels！Servethemright，servethemright！”
Oneday，aboutacoupleofmilesinadvanceofthecolumn，Ihadbeenonaforaging-partywithafewdragoons，andwasreturningpeaceablytocamp，whenofasuddenatroopofMahrattasburstonusfromaneighboringmango-tope，inwhichtheyhadbeenhidden:inaninstantthreeofmymen’ssaddleswereempty，andIwasleftwithbutsevenmoretomakeheadagainstatleastthirtyofthesevagabondblackhorsemen。Ineversawinmylifeanoblerfigurethantheleaderofthetroop——mountedonasplendidblackArab:hewasastall，verynearly，asmyself；heworeasteelcapandashirtofmail，andcarriedabeautifulFrenchcarbine，whichhadalreadydoneexecutionupontwoofmymen。Isawthatouronlychanceofsafetylayinthedestructionofthisman。IshoutedtohiminavoiceofthunderintheHindustaneetongueofcourse，”Stop，dog，ifyoudare，andencounteraman！”
Inreplyhislancecamewhirlingintheairovermyhead，andmortallytransfixedpoorFoggartyofours，whowasbehindme。
Grindingmyteethandswearinghorribly，Idrewthatscimitarwhichneveryetfaileditsblow，*andrushedattheIndian。Hecamedownatfullgallop，hisownswordmakingtenthousandgleamingcirclesintheair，shriekinghiscryofbattle。
*InmyaffairwithMacgillicuddy，Iwasfoolenoughtogooutwithsmall-swords——miserableweaponsonlyfitfortailors——G。O’G。G。
Thecontestdidnotlastaninstant。WithmyfirstblowIcutoffhissword-armatthewrist；mysecondIlevelledathishead。I
saidthatheworeasteelcap，withagiltironspikeofsixinches，andahoodofchainmail。Iroseinmystirrupsanddelivered”ST。GEORGE；”myswordcaughtthespikeexactlyonthepoint，splititsheerintwo，cutcrashingthroughthesteelcapandhood，andwasonlystoppedbyarubywhichheworeinhisback-
plate。Hishead，cutcleanintwobetweentheeyebrowsandnostrils，evenbetweenthetwofrontteeth，fellonesideoneachshoulder，andhegallopedontillhishorsewasstoppedbymymen，whowerenotalittleamusedatthefeat。
AsIhadexpected，theremainingruffiansfledonseeingtheirleader’sfate。Itookhomehishelmetbywayofcuriosity，andwemadeasingleprisoner，whowasinstantlycarriedbeforeoldJowler。
Weaskedtheprisonerthenameoftheleaderofthetroop；hesaiditwasChowderLoll。”ChowderLoll！”shriekedColonelJowler。”Ofate！thyhandishere！”Herushedwildlyintohistent——thenextdayappliedforleaveofabsence。Gutchtookthecommandoftheregiment，andI
sawhimnomoreforsometime……
AsIhaddistinguishedmyselfnotalittleduringthewar，GeneralLakesentmeupwithdespatchestoCalcutta，whereLordWellesleyreceivedmewiththegreatestdistinction。Fancymysurprise，ongoingtoaballatGovernmentHouse，tomeetmyoldfriendJowler；
mytrembling，blushing，thrillingdelight，whenIsawJuliabyhisside！
Jowlerseemedtoblushtoowhenhebeheldme。Ithoughtofmyformerpassageswithhisdaughter。”Gagymyboy，”sayshe，shakinghands，gladtoseeyou。Oldfriend，Julia——cometotiffin——
Hodgson’spale——bravefellowGagy。”Juliadidnotspeak，butsheturnedashypale，andfixeduponmeherawfuleyes！Ifaintedalmost，andutteredsomeincoherentwords。Juliatookmyhand，gazedatmestill，andsaid，”Come！”NeedIsayIwent？
Iwillnotgooverthepalealeandcurrie-bhautagain；butthisI
know，thatinhalfanhourIwasasmuchinloveasIeverhadbeen:andthatinthreeweeksI——yes，I——wastheacceptedloverofJulia！Ididnotpausetoaskwhereweretheonehundredandtwenty-fouroffers？whyI，refusedbefore，shouldbeacceptednow？
IonlyfeltthatIlovedher，andwashappy！……
Onenight，onememorablenight，Icouldnotsleep，and，withalover’spardonablepassion，wanderedsolitarythroughthecityofpalacesuntilIcametothehousewhichcontainedmyJulia。I
peepedintothecompound——allwasstill；Ilookedintotheveranda——
allwasdark，exceptalight——yes，onelight——anditwasinJulia’schamber！Myheartthrobbedalmosttostilling。Iwould——I
WOULDadvance，ifbuttogazeuponherforamoment，andtoblessherassheslept。IDIDlook，IDIDadvance；and，Oheaven！Isawalampburning，Mrs。Jow。inanightdress，withaverydarkbabyinherarms，andJulialookingtenderlyatanayah，whowasnursinganother。”Oh，mamma，”saidJulia，”whatwouldthatfoolGahagansayifheknewall？””HEDOESKNOWALL！”shoutedI，springingforward，andtearingdownthetattiesfromthewindow。Mrs。Jow。ranshriekingoutoftheroom，Juliafainted，thecursedblackchildrensqualled，andtheird——dnursefellonherknees，gabblingsomeinfernaljargonofHindustanee。OldJowleratthisjunctureenteredwithacandleandadrawnsword。”Liar！scoundrel！deceiver！”shoutedI。”Turn，ruffian，anddefendyourself！”ButoldJowler，whenhesawme，onlywhistled，lookedathislifelessdaughter，andslowlylefttheroom。
Whycontinuethetale？IneednotnowaccountforJowler’sgloomonreceivinghislettersfromBenares——forhisexclamationuponthedeathoftheIndianchief——forhisdesiretomarryhisdaughter:
thewomanIwaswooingwasnolongerMissJuliaJowler，shewasMrs。ChowderLoll！
CHAPTERII。
ALLYGHURANDLASWAREE。
Isatdowntowritegravelyandsadly，forsincetheappearanceofsomeofmyadventuresinamonthlymagazineunprincipledmenhaveendeavoredtorobmeoftheonlygoodIpossess，toquestionthestatementsthatImake，and，themselveswithoutasparkofhonororgoodfeeling，tostealfrommethatwhichismysolewealth——mycharacterasatellerofTHETRUTH。
ThereaderwillunderstandthatitistotheilliberalstricturesofaprofligatepressInowallude；amongtheLondonjournalists，noneluckilyforthemselveshavedaredtoquestiontheveracityofmystatements:theyknowme，andtheyknowthatIamINLONDON。
IfIcanusethepen，Icanalsowieldamoremanlyandterribleweapon，andwouldanswertheircontradictionswithmysword！Nogoldorgemsadornthehiltofthatwar-wornscimitar；butthereisbloodupontheblade——thebloodoftheenemiesofmycountry，andthemalignersofmyhonestfame。Thereareothers，however——thedisgraceofadisgracefultrade——who，borrowingfromdistanceadespicablecourage，haveventuredtoassailme。TheinfamouseditorsoftheKelsoChampion，theBungayBeacon，theTipperaryArgus，andtheStokePogisSentinel，andotherdastardlyorgansoftheprovincialpress，have，althoughdifferinginpolitics，agreeduponthisonepoint，andwithascoundrellyunanimity，ventedafloodofabuseupontherevelationsmadebyme。
TheysaythatIhaveassailedprivatecharacters，andwilfullypervertedhistorytoblackenthereputationofpublicmen。Iask，wasanyoneofthesemeninBengalintheyear1803？WasanysingleconductorofanyoneofthesepaltryprintseverinBundelcundortheRohillacountry？DoesthisEXQUISITETipperaryscribeknowthedifferencebetweenHurrygurrybangandBurrumtollah？
Nothe！andbecause，forsooth，inthosestrangeanddistantlandsstrangecircumstanceshavetakenplace，itisinsinuatedthattherelaterisaliar:nay，thattheveryplacesthemselveshavenoexistencebutinmyimagination。Fools！——butIwillnotwastemyangeruponthem，andproceedtorecountsomeotherportionsofmypersonalhistory。
Itis，Ipresume，afactwhichevenTHESEscribblingassassinswillnotventuretodeny，thatbeforethecommencementofthecampaignagainstScindiah，theEnglishGeneralformedacampatKanougeontheJumna，whereheexercisedthatbrilliantlittlearmywhichwasspeedilytoperformsuchwondersintheDooab。ItwillbeaswelltogiveaslightaccountofthecausesofawarwhichwasspeedilytoragethroughsomeofthefairestportionsoftheIndiancontinent。
ShahAllum，thesonofShahLollum，thedescendantbythefemalelineofNadirShahthatcelebratedToorkomaunadventurer，whohadwellnighhurledBajazetandSelimtheSecondfromthethroneofBagdad——ShahAllum，Isay，althoughnominallytheEmperorofDelhi，wasinrealitytheslaveofthevariouswarlikechieftainswholordeditbyturnsoverthecountryandthesovereign，untilconqueredandslainbysomemoresuccessfulrebel。ChowderLollMasolgee，ZubberdustKhan，DowsuntRowScindiah，andthecelebratedBobbachyJungBahawder，hadheldforatimecompletemasteryinDelhi。Thesecondofthese，aruthlessAfghansoldier，hadabruptlyenteredthecapital；norwasheejectedfromituntilhehadseizedupontheprincipaljewels，andlikewiseputouttheeyesofthelastoftheunfortunatefamilyofAfrasiab。ScindiahcametotherescueofthesightlessShahAllum，andthoughhedestroyedhisoppressor，onlyincreasedhisslavery；holdinghiminaspainfulabondageashehadsufferedunderthetyrannousAfghan。
Aslongastheseheroeswerebattlingamongthemselves，oraslongratherasitappearedthattheyhadanystrengthtofightabattle，theBritishGovernment，everanxioustoseeitsenemiesbytheears，bynomeansinterferedinthecontest。ButtheFrenchRevolutionbrokeout，andahostofstarvingsans-culottesappearedamongthevariousIndianStates，seekingformilitaryservice，andinflamingthemindsofthevariousnativeprincesagainsttheBritishEastIndiaCompany。AnumberoftheseenteredintoScindiah’sranks:oneofthem，Perron，wascommanderofhisarmy；
andthoughthatchiefwasasyetquiteengagedinhishereditaryquarrelwithJeswuntRowHolkar，andneverthoughtofaninvasionoftheBritishterritory，theCompanyallofasuddendiscoveredthatShahAllum，hissovereign，wasshamefullyill-used，anddeterminedtore-establishtheancientsplendorofhisthrone。
OfcourseitwassheerbenevolenceforpoorShahAllumthatpromptedourgovernorstotakethesekindlymeasuresinhisfavor。
Idon’tknowhowithappenedthat，attheendofthewar，thepoorShahwasnotawhitbetteroffthanatthebeginning；andthatthoughHolkarwasbeaten，andScindiahannihilated，ShahAllumwasmuchsuchapuppetasbefore。Somehow，inthehurryandconfusionofthisstruggle，theoysterremainedwiththeBritishGovernment，whohadsokindlyofferedtodressitfortheEmperor，whilehisMajestywasobligedtobecontentedwiththeshell。
TheforceencampedatKanougeborethetitleoftheGrandArmyoftheGangesandtheJumna；itconsistedofelevenregimentsofcavalryandtwelvebattalionsofinfantry，andwascommandedbyGeneralLakeinperson。
Well，onthe1stofSeptemberwestormedPerron’scampatAllyghur；
onthefourthwetookthatfortressbyassault；andasmynamewasmentionedingeneralorders，ImayaswellquotetheCommander-in-
Chief’swordsregardingme——theywillsparemethetroubleofcomposingmyowneulogium:——”TheCommander-in-ChiefisproudthuspubliclytodeclarehishighsenseofthegallantryofLieutenantGahagan，ofthe——cavalry。
Inthestormingofthefortress，althoughunprovidedwithasingleladder，andaccompaniedbutbyafewbravemen，LieutenantGahagansucceededinescaladingtheinnerandfourteenthwalloftheplace。
Fourteenditcheslinedwithsword-bladesandpoisonedchevaux-de-
frise，fourteenwallsbristlingwithinnumerableartilleryandassmoothaslooking-glasses，wereinturntriumphantlypassedbythatenterprisingofficer。Hiscoursewastobetracedbytheheapsofslaughteredenemieslyingthickupontheplatforms；andalas！bythecorpsesofmostofthegallantmenwhofollowedhim！——whenatlengthheeffectedhislodgment，andthedastardlyenemy，whodarednottoconfronthimwitharms，letlooseuponhimthetigersandlionsofScindiah’smenagerie。Thismeritoriousofficerdestroyed，withhisownhand，fourofthelargestandmostferociousanimals，andtherest，awedbytheindomitablemajestyofBRITISHVALOR，shrankbacktotheirdens。ThomasHiggory，aprivate，andRuntyGoss，havildar，weretheonlytwowhoremainedoutoftheninehundredwhofollowedLieutenantGahagan。Honortothem！honorandtearsforthebravemenwhoperishedonthatawfulday！”……
Ihavecopiedthis，wordforword，fromtheBengalHurkaruofSeptember24，1803:andanybodywhohastheslightestdoubtastothestatement，mayrefertothepaperitself。
AndhereImustpausetogivethankstoFortune，whichsomarvellouslypreservedme，Sergeant-MajorHiggory，andRuntyGoss。
WereItosaythatanyvalorofourshadcarriedusunhurtthroughthistremendouscombat，thereaderwouldlaughmetoscorn。No:
thoughmynarrativeisextraordinary，itisneverthelessauthentic；
andnever，neverwouldIsacrificetruthforthemeresakeofeffect。Thefactisthis:——thecitadelofAllyghurissituateduponarock，aboutathousandfeetabovethelevelofthesea，andissurroundedbyfourteenwalls，ashisExcellencywasgoodenoughtoremarkinhisdespatch。Amanwhowouldmountthesewithoutscaling-ladders，isanass；hewhowouldSAYhemountedthemwithoutsuchassistance，isaliarandaknave。WeHADscaling-
laddersatthecommencementoftheassault，althoughitwasquiteimpossibletocarrythembeyondthefirstlineofbatteries。
Mountedonthem，however，asourtroopswerefallingthickaboutme，Isawthatwemustignominiouslyretreat，unlesssomeotherhelpcouldbefoundforourbravefellowstoescaladethenextwall。Itwasaboutseventyfeethigh。IinstantlyturnedthegunsofwallAonwallB，andpepperedthelattersoastomake，notabreach，butascalingplace；themenmountingintheholesmadebytheshot。Bythissimplestratagem，Imanagedtopasseachsuccessivebarrier——fortoascendawallwhichtheGeneralwaspleasedtocall”assmoothasglass”isanabsurdimpossibility:I
seektoachievenonesuch:——”Idaredoallthatmaybecomeaman，Whodaresdomore，isneithermorenorless。”
Ofcourse，hadtheenemy’sgunsbeencommonlywellserved，notoneofuswouldeverhavebeenaliveoutofthethree；butwhetheritwasowingtofright，ortotheexcessivesmokecausedbysomanypiecesofartillery，arrivewedid。Ontheplatforms，too，ourworkwasnotquitesodifficultasmightbeimagined——killingthesefellowswassheerbutchery。Assoonasweappeared，theyallturnedandfledhelter-skelter，andthereadermayjudgeoftheircouragebythefactthatoutofaboutsevenhundredmenkilledbyus，onlyfortyhadwoundsinfront，therestbeingbayonetedastheyran。
Andbeyondallotherpiecesofgoodfortunewastheverylettingoutofthesetigers；whichwasthedernierressortofBournonville，thesecondcommandantofthefort。Ihadobservedthismanconspicuousforatri-coloredscarfwhichheworeuponeveryoneofthewallsaswestormedthem，andrunningawaytheveryfirstamongthefugitives。Hehadallthekeysofthegates；andinhistremor，asheopenedthemenagerieportal，leftthewholebunchinthedoor，whichIseizedwhentheanimalswereovercome。RuntyGossthenopenedthemonebyone，ourtroopsentered，andthevictoriousstandardofmycountryfloatedonthewallsofAllyghur！
WhentheGeneral，accompaniedbyhisstaff；enteredthelastlineoffortifications，thebraveoldmanraisedmefromthedeadrhinocerosonwhichIwasseated，andpressedmetohisbreast。
Buttheexcitementwhichhadbornemethroughthefatiguesandperilsofthatfearfuldayfailedallofasudden，andIweptlikeachilduponhisshoulder。
Promotion，inourarmy，goesunluckilybyseniority；norisitinthepoweroftheGeneral-in-ChieftoadvanceaCaesar，ifhefindshiminthecapacityofasubaltern:MYrewardfortheaboveexploitwas，therefore，notveryrich。HisExcellencyhadafavoritehornsnuff-boxfor，thoughexaltedinstation，hewasinhishabitsmostsimple:ofthis，andaboutaquarterofanounceofhigh-
driedWelsh，whichhealwaystook，hemademeapresent，saying，infrontoftheline，”Acceptthis，Mr。Gahagan，asatokenofrespectfromthefirsttothebravestofficerinthearmy。”
Calculatingthesnufftobeworthahalfpenny，Ishouldsaythatfourpencewasaboutthevalueofthisgift:butithasatleastthisgoodeffect——itservestoconvinceanypersonwhodoubtsmystory，thatthefactsofitarereallytrue。Ihaveleftitattheofficeofmypublisher，alongwiththeextractfromtheBengalHurkaru，andanybodymayexaminebothbyapplyinginthecounting-
houseofMr。Cunningham。*Thatoncepopularexpression，orproverb，”areyouuptosnuff？”aroseoutoftheabovecircumstance；
fortheofficersofmycorps，noneofwhom，exceptmyself，hadventuredonthestorming-party，usedtotwitmeaboutthismodestrewardformylabors。Nevermind！whentheywantmetostormafortAGAIN，Ishallknowbetter。
*TheMajorcertainlyofferedtoleaveanoldsnuff-boxatMr。
Cunningham’soffice；butitcontainednoextractfromanewspaper，anddoesnotQUITEprovethathekilledarhinocerosandstormedfourteenintrenchmentsatthesiegeofAllyghur。
Well，immediatelyafterthecaptureofthisimportantfortress，Perron，whohadbeenthelifeandsoulofScindiah’sarmy，cameintous，withhisfamilyandtreasure，andwaspassedovertotheFrenchsettlementsatChandernagur。Bourquientookhiscommand，andagainsthimwenowmoved。Themorningofthe11thofSeptemberfoundusupontheplainsofDelhi。
Itwasaburninghotday，andwewereallrefreshingourselvesafterthemorning’smarch，whenI，whowasontheadvancedpiquetalongwithO’GawleroftheKing’sDragoons，wasmadeawareoftheenemy’sneighborhoodinaverysingularmanner。O’GawlerandI
wereseatedunderalittlecanopyofhorse-cloths，whichwehadformedtoshelterusfromtheintolerableheatofthesun，andwerediscussingwithgreatdelightafewManillacheroots，andastonejarofthemostexquisite，cool，weak，refreshingsangaree。Wehadbeenplayingcardsthenightbefore，andO’Gawlerhadlosttomesevenhundredrupees。Iemptiedthelastofthesangareeintothetwopinttumblersoutofwhichweweredrinking，andholdingmineup，said，”Here’sbetterlucktoyounexttime，O’Gawler！”
AsIspokethewords——whish！——acannon-ballcutthetumblercleanoutofmyhand，andplumpedintopoorO’Gawler’sstomach。Itsettledhimcompletely，andofcourseInevergotmysevenhundredrupees。Sucharetheuncertaintiesofwar！
Tostraponmysabreandmyaccoutrements——tomountmyArabcharger——todrinkoffwhatO’Gawlerhadleftofthesangaree——andtogalloptotheGeneral，wastheworkofamoment。IfoundhimascomfortablyattiffinasifhewereathisownhouseinLondon。”General，”saidI，assoonasIgotintohispaijamahsortent，”youmustleaveyourlunchifyouwanttofighttheenemy。””Theenemy——psha！Mr。Gahagan，theenemyisontheothersideoftheriver。””IcanonlytellyourExcellencythattheenemy’sgunswillhardlycarryfivemiles，andthatCornetO’Gawlerwasthismomentshotdeadatmysidewithacannon-ball。””Ha！isitso？”saidhisExcellency，rising，andlayingdownthedrumstickofagrilledchicken。”Gentlemen，rememberthattheeyesofEuropeareuponus，andfollowme！”
Eachaide-de-campstartedfromtableandseizedhiscockedhat；
eachBritishheartbeathighatthethoughtsofthecomingmelee。
WemountedourhorsesandgallopedswiftlyafterthebraveoldGeneral；Inotthelastinthetrain，uponmyfamousblackcharger。
Itwasperfectlytrue，theenemywerepostedinforcewithinthreemilesofourcamp，andfromahillockintheadvancetowhichwegalloped，wewereenabledwithourtelescopestoseethewholeofhisimposingline。Nothingcanbetterdescribeitthanthis:——
_________________________________——
Aistheenemy，andthedotsrepresentthehundredandtwentypiecesofartillerywhichdefendedhisline。Hewas，moreover，intrenched；andawidemorassinhisfrontgavehimanadditionalsecurity。
HisExcellencyforamomentsurveyedtheline，andthensaid，turningroundtooneofhisaides-de-camp，”OrderupMajor-GeneralTinklerandthecavalry。””HERE，doesyourExcellencymean？”saidtheaide-de-camp，surprised，fortheenemyhadperceivedus，andthecannon-ballswereflyingaboutasthickaspeas。”HERE，sir！”saidtheoldGeneral，stampingwithhisfootinapassion，andtheA。D。C。shruggedhisshouldersandgallopedaway。
Infiveminutesweheardthetrumpetsinourcamp，andintwentymorethegreaterpartofthecavalryhadjoinedus。
Uptheycame，fivethousandmen，theirstandardsflappingintheair，theirlonglineofpolishedjack-bootsgleaminginthegoldensunlight。”Andnowwearehere，”saidMajor-GeneralSirTheophilusTinkler，”whatnext？””Oh，d——it，”saidtheCommander-in-Chief，”charge，charge——nothinglikecharging——galloping——guns——rascallyblackscoundrels——charge，charge！”Andthenturningroundtomeperhapshewasgladtochangetheconversation，hesaid，”LieutenantGahagan，youwillstaywithme。”
AndwellforhimIdid，forIdonothesitatetosaythatthebattleWASGAINEDBYME。Idonotmeantoinsultthereaderbypretendingthatanypersonalexertionsofmineturnedtheday，——
thatIkilled，forinstance，aregimentofcavalryorswallowedabatteryofguns，——suchabsurdtaleswoulddisgraceboththehearerandtheteller。I，asiswellknown，neversayasinglewordwhichcannotbeproved，andhatemorethanallothervicestheabsurdsinofegotism；IsimplymeanthatmyADVICEtotheGeneral，ataquarterpasttwoo’clockintheafternoonofthatday，wonthisgreattriumphfortheBritisharmy。
Gleig，Mill，andThornhavealltoldthetaleofthiswar，thoughsomehowtheyhaveomittedallmentionoftheheroofit。GeneralLake，forthevictoryofthatday，becameLordLakeofLaswaree。
Laswaree！andwho，forsooth，wastherealconquerorofLaswaree？I
canlaymyhanduponmyheartandsaythatIwas。Ifanyproofiswantingofthefact，letmegiveitatonce，andfromthehighestmilitarytestimonyintheworld——ImeanthatoftheEmperorNapoleon。
InthemonthofMarch，1817，Iwaspassengeronboardthe”PrinceRegent，”CaptainHarris，whichtouchedatSt。HelenaonitspassagefromCalcuttatoEngland。Incompanywiththeotherofficersonboardtheship，IpaidmyrespectstotheillustriousexileofLongwood，whoreceivedusinhisgarden，wherehewaswalkingabout，inanankeendressandalargebroad-brimmedstraw-hat，withGeneralMontholon，CountLasCasas，andhissonEmanuel，thenalittleboy；whoIdaresaydoesnotrecollectme，butwhoneverthelessplayedwithmysword-knotandthetasselsofmyHessianbootsduringthewholeofourinterviewwithhisImperialMajesty。
Ournameswerereadoutinaprettyaccent，bytheway！byGeneralMontholon，andtheEmperor，aseachwaspronounced，madeabowtotheownerofit，butdidnotvouchsafeaword。AtlastMontholoncametomine。TheEmperorlookedmeatonceintheface，tookhishandsoutofhispockets，putthembehindhisback，andcominguptomesmiling，pronouncedthefollowingwords:——”Assaye，Delhi，Deeg，Futtyghur？”
Iblushed，andtakingoffmyhatwithabow，said——”Sire，c’estmoi。””Parbleu！jelesavaisbien，”saidtheEmperor，holdingouthissnuff-box。”Enusez-vous，Major？”Itookalargepinchwhich，withthehonorofspeakingtosogreataman，broughtthetearsintomyeyes，andhecontinuedasnearlyaspossibleinthefollowingwords:——”Sir，youareknown；youcomeofanheroicnation。Yourthirdbrother，theChefdeBataillon，CountGodfreyGahagan，wasinmyIrishbrigade。”
Gahagan——”Sire，itistrue。HeandmycountrymeninyourMajesty’sservicestoodunderthegreenflaginthebreachofBurgos，andbeatWellingtonback。Itwastheonlytime，asyourMajestyknows，thatIrishmenandEnglishmenwerebeateninthatwar。”
Napoleonlookingasifhewouldsay，”D——yourcandor，MajorGahagan”——”Well，well；itwasso。YourbrotherwasaCount，anddiedaGeneralinmyservice。”
Gahagan——”Hewasfoundlyinguponthebodiesofnine-and-twentyCossacksatBorodino。Theywerealldead，andboretheGahaganmark。”
NapoleontoMontholon——”C’estvrai，Montholon:jevousdonnemaparoled’honneurlaplussacree，quec’estvrai。Ilsnesontpasd’autres，cesterriblesGa’gans。YoumustknowthatMonsieurgainedthebattleofDelhiascertainlyasIdidthatofAusterlitz。
Inthisway:——CebelitredeLorLake，aftercallinguphiscavalry，andplacingtheminfrontofHolkar’sbatteries，quibalayaientlaplaine，wasforchargingtheenemy’sbatterieswithhishorse，whowouldhavebeenecrases，mitrailles，foudroyestoamanbutforthecunningofcegrandroguequevousvoyez。”
Montholon——”CoquindeMajor，va！”
Napoleon——”Montholon！tais-toi。WhenLordLake，withhisgreatbull-headedEnglishobstinacy，sawthefacheusepositionintowhichhehadbroughthistroops，hewasfordyingonthespot，andwouldinfalliblyhavedoneso——andthelossofhisarmywouldhavebeentheruinoftheEastIndiaCompany——andtheruinoftheEnglishEastIndiaCompanywouldhaveestablishedmyempirebah！itwasarepublicthen！intheEast——butthatthemanbeforeus，LieutenantGoliahGahagan，wasridingatthesideofGeneralLake。”
Montholonwithanaccentofdespairandfury——”Gredin！centmilletonnerresdeDieu！”
Napoleonbenignantly——”Calme-toi，monfideleami。Whatwillyou？Itwasfate。Gahagan，atthecriticalperiodofthebattle，orratherslaughterfortheEnglishhadnotslainamanoftheenemy，advisedaretreat。”
Montholon。”Lelache！UnFrancaismeurt，maisilnereculejamais。”
Napoleon——”STUPIDE！Don’tyouseeWHYtheretreatwasordered？——
don’tyouknowthatitwasafeintonthepartofGahagantodrawHolkarfromhisimpregnableintrenchments？Don’tyouknowthattheignorantIndianfellintothesnare，andissuingfrombehindthecoverofhisguns，camedownwithhiscavalryontheplainsinpursuitofLakeandhisdragoons？ThenitwasthattheEnglishmenturneduponhim；thehardychildrenofthenorthsweptdownhisfeeblehorsemen，borethembacktotheirguns，whichwereuseless，enteredHolkar’sintrenchmentsalongwithhistroops，sabredtheartillerymenattheirpieces，andwonthebattleofDelhi！”
AstheEmperorspoke，hispalecheekglowedred，hiseyeflashedfire，hisdeepclearvoicerungasofoldwhenhepointedouttheenemyfrombeneaththeshadowofthePyramids，orralliedhisregimentstothechargeuponthedeath-strewnplainofWagram。I
havehadmanyaproudmomentinmylife，butneversuchaproudoneasthis；andIwouldreadilypardontheword”coward，”asappliedtomebyMontholon，inconsiderationofthetestimonywhichhismasterboreinmyfavor。”Major，”saidtheEmperortomeinconclusion，”whyhadInotsuchamanasyouinmyservice？IwouldhavemadeyouaPrinceandaMarshal！”andherehefellintoareverie，ofwhichIknewandrespectedthepurport。Hewasthinking，doubtless，thatImighthaveretrievedhisfortunes；andindeedIhaveverylittledoubtthatImight。
Verysoonafter，coffeewasbroughtbyMonsieurMarchand，Napoleon’svalet-de-chambre，andafterpartakingofthatbeverage，andtalkinguponthepoliticsoftheday，theEmperorwithdrew，leavingmedeeplyimpressedbythecondescensionhehadshowninthisremarkableinterview。
CHAPTERIII。
APEEPINTOSPAIN——ACCOUNTOFTHEORIGINANDSERVICESOFTHE
AHMEDNUGGARIRREGULARS。
HEADQUARTERS，MORELLA，Sept。16，1838。
Ihavebeenhereforsomemonths，alongwithmyyoungfriendCabrera:andinthehurryandbustleofwar——dailyonguardandinthebatteriesforsixteenhoursoutofthetwenty-four，withfourteenseverewoundsandsevenmusket-ballsinmybody——itmaybeimaginedthatIhavehadlittletimetothinkaboutthepublicationofmymemoirs。Interarmasilentleges——inthemidstoffightingbehangedtowriting！asthepoetsays；andIneverwouldhavebotheredmyselfwithapen，hadnotcommongratitudeincitedmetothrowoffafewpages。
AlongwithOraa’stroops，whohaveoflatebeenbeleagueringthisplace，therewasayoungMilesiangentleman，Mr。TooneO’ConnorEmmettFitzgeraldSheeny，byname，alawstudent，andmemberofGray’sInn，andwhatbecalledBayAhofTrinityCollege，Dublin。
Mr。SheenywaswiththeQueen’speople，notinamilitarycapacity，butasrepresentativeofanEnglishjournal；towhich，foratriflingweeklyremuneration，hewasinthehabitoftransmittingaccountsofthemovementsofthebelligerents，andhisownopinionofthepoliticsofSpain。Receiving，forthedischargeofhisduty，acoupleofguineasaweekfromtheproprietorsofthejournalinquestion，hewasenabled，asIneedscarcelysay，tomakesuchashowinOraa’scampasonlyaChristinogeneralofficer，orattheveryleastacolonelofaregiment，canaffordtokeepup。
Inthefamoussortiewhichwemadeuponthetwenty-third，Iwasofcourseamongtheforemostinthemelee，andfoundmyself，afteragooddealofslaughteringwhichitwouldbeasdisagreeableasuselesstodescribehere，inthecourtofasmallinnorpodesta，whichhadbeenmadethehead-quartersofseveralQueeniteofficersduringthesiege。Thepesateroorlandlordoftheinnhadbeendespatchedbymybravechapel-churies，withhisfinefamilyofchildren——theofficersquarteredinthepodestahadofcoursebolted；butonemanremained，andmyfellowswereonthepointofcuttinghimintotenthousandpieceswiththeirborachios，whenI
arrivedintheroomtimeenoughtopreventthecatastrophe。Seeingbeforemeanindividualinthecostumeofacivilian——awhitehat，alightbluesatincravat，embroideredwithbutterfliesandotherquadrupeds，agreencoatandbrassbuttons，andapairofblueplaidtrousers，Irecognizedatonceacountryman，andinterposedtosavehislife。
Inanagonizedbroguetheunhappyyoungmanwassayingallthathecouldtoinducethechapel-churiestogiveuptheirintentionofslaughteringhim；butitisverylittlelikelythathisprotestationswouldhavehadanyeffectuponthem，hadnotI
appearedintheroom，andshoutedtotheruffianstoholdtheirhand。
SeeingageneralofficerbeforethemIhavethehonortoholdthatrankintheserviceofhisCatholicMajesty，andmoreoveronesixfeetfourinheight，andarmedwiththatterriblecabecillaaswordsocalled，becauseitisfivefeetlongwhichissowellknownamongtheSpanisharmies——seeing，Isay，thisfigure，thefellowsretired，exclaiming，”Adios，corpodibacco，nosotros，”andsoon，clearlyprovingbytheirwordsthattheywould，iftheydared，haveimmolatedthevictimwhomIhadthusrescuedfromtheirfury。”Villains！”shoutedI，hearingthemgrumble，”away！quittheapartment！”Eachman，sulkilysheathinghissombrero，obeyed，andquittedthecamarilla。
ItwasthenthatMr。SheenydetailedtometheparticularstowhichIhavebrieflyadverted；and，informingmeatthesametimethathehadafamilyinEnglandwhowouldfeelobligedtomeforhisrelease，andthathismostintimatefriendtheEnglishambassadorwouldmoveheavenandearthtorevengehisfall，hedirectedmyattentiontoaportmanteaupassablywellfilled，whichhehopedwouldsatisfythecupidityofmytroops。Isaid，thoughwithmuchregret，thatImustsubjecthispersontoasearch；andhencearosethecircumstancewhichhascalledforwhatIfearyouwillconsiderasomewhattediousexplanation。IfounduponMr。Sheeny’spersonthreesovereignsinEnglishmoneywhichIhavetothisday，andsingularlyenoughacopyofTheNewMonthlyMagazine，containingaportionofmyadventures。Itwasatoss-upwhetherIshouldletthepooryoungmanbeshotorno，butthislittlecircumstancesavedhislife。Thegratifiedvanityofauthorshipinducedmetoaccepthisportmanteauandvaluables，andtoallowthepoorwretchtogofree。IputtheMagazineinmycoat-pocket，andlefthimandthepodesta。
Themen，tomysurprise，hadquittedthebuilding，anditwasfulltimeformetofollow；forIfoundoursallyingparty，aftercommittingdreadfulravagesinOraa’slines，wereinfullretreatuponthefort，hotlypressedbyasuperiorforceoftheenemy。I
amprettywellknownandrespectedbythemenofbothpartiesinSpainindeedIservedforsomemonthsontheQueen’ssidebeforeI
cameovertoDonCarlos；and，asitismymaximnevertogivequarter，Ineverexpecttoreceiveitwhentakenmyself。OnissuingfromthepodestawithSheeny’sportmanteauandmyswordinmyhand，Iwasalittledisgustedandannoyedtoseeourownmeninaprettygoodcolumnretreatingatdouble-quick，andaboutfourhundredyardsbeyondme，upthehillleadingtothefort；whileonmylefthand，andatonlyahundredyards，atroopoftheQueenitelancerswereclatteringalongtheroad。
IhadgotintotheverymiddleoftheroadbeforeImadethisdiscovery，sothatthefellowshadafullsightofme，andwhiz！
cameabulletbymyleftwhiskerbeforeIcouldsayJackRobinson。
Ilookedround——therewereseventyoftheaccursedmalvadosattheleast，andwithin，asIsaid，ahundredyards。WereItosaythatIstoppedtofightseventymen，youwouldwritemedownafooloraliar:no，sir，Ididnotfight，Iranaway。
Iamsixfeetfour——myfigureisaswellknownintheSpanisharmyasthatoftheCountdeLuchana，ormyfiercelittlefriendCabrerahimself。”GAHAGAN！”shoutedouthalfadozenscoundrellyvoices，andfiftymoreshotscamerattlingafterme。Iwasrunning——
runningasthebravestagbeforethehounds——runningasIhavedoneagreatnumberoftimesbeforeinmylife，whentherewasnohelpforitbutarace。
AfterIhadrunaboutfivehundredyards，IsawthatIhadgainednearlythreeuponourcolumninfront，andthatlikewisetheChristinohorsemenwereleftbehindsomehundredyardsmore；withtheexceptionofthree，whowerefearfullynearme。Thefirstwasanofficerwithoutalance；hehadfiredbothhispistolsatme，andwastwentyyardsinadvanceofhiscomrades；therewasasimilardistancebetweenthetwolancerswhorodebehindhim。I
determinedthentowaitforNo。1，andashecameupdeliveredcut3athishorse’snearleg——offitflew，anddown，asIexpected，wenthorseandman。Ihadhardlytimetopassmyswordthroughmyprostrateenemy，whenNo。2wasuponme。IfIcouldbutgetthatfellow’shorse，thoughtI，Iamsafe；andIexecutedatoncetheplanwhichIhopedwastoeffectmyrescue。
Ihad，asIsaid，leftthepodestawithSheeny’sportmanteau，and，unwillingtopartwithsomeofthearticlesitcontained——someshirts，abottleofwhiskey，afewcakesofWindsorsoap，&c。&c。，——
Ihadcarrieditthusfaronmyshoulders，butnowwascompelledtosacrificeitmalgremoi。Asthelancercameup，Idroppedmyswordfrommyrighthand，andhurledtheportmanteauathishead，withaimsotrue，thathefellbackonhissaddlelikeasack，andthuswhenthehorsegallopeduptome，Ihadnodifficultyindismountingtherider:thewhiskey-bottlestruckhimoverhisrighteye，andhewascompletelystunned。Todashhimfromthesaddleandspringmyselfintoit，wastheworkofamoment；indeed，thetwocombatshadtakenplaceinaboutafifthpartofthetimewhichithastakenthereadertoperusethedescription。Butintherapidityofthelastencounter，andthemountingofmyenemy’shorse，Ihadcommittedaveryabsurdoversight——IwasscamperingawayWITHOUTMYSWORD！WhatwasItodo？——toscamperon，tobesure，andtrusttothelegsofmyhorseforsafety！
Thelancerbehindmegainedonmeeverymoment，andIcouldhearhishorridlaughashenearedme。Ileanedforwardjockey-fashioninmysaddle，andkicked，andurged，andfloggedwithmyhand，butallinvain。Closer——closer——thepointofhislancewaswithintwofeetofmyback。Ah！ah！hedeliveredthepoint，andfancymyagonywhenIfeltitenter——throughexactlyfifty-ninepagesoftheNewMonthlyMagazine。HaditnotbeenforthatMagazine，Ishouldhavebeenimpaledwithoutashadowofadoubt。WasIwronginfeelinggratitude？HadInotcausetocontinuemycontributionstothatperiodical？
WhenIgotsafeintoMorella，alongwiththetailofthesallyingparty，Iwasforthefirsttimemadeacquaintedwiththeridiculousresultofthelancer’sthrustashedeliveredhislance，Imusttellyouthataballcamewhizovermyheadfromourfellows，andenteringathisnose，putastoptoHISlancingforthefuture。I
hastenedtoCabrera’squarter，andrelatedtohimsomeofmyadventuresduringtheday。”But，General，”saidhe，”youarestanding。Ibegyouchiudetel’usciotakeachair。”
Ididso，andthenforthefirsttimewasawarethattherewassomeforeignsubstanceinthetailofmycoat，whichpreventedmysittingatease。IdrewouttheMagazinewhichIhadseized，andthere，tomywonder，DISCOVEREDTHECHRISTINOLANCEtwisteduplikeafish-hook，orapastoralcrook。”Ha！ha！ha！”saidCabrerawhoisanotoriouswag。”Valdepenasmadrilenos，”growledoutTristany。”Bymycachucadicaballerouponmyhonorasagentleman，”
shriekedoutRosd’Eroles，convulsedwithlaughter，”IwillsendittotheBishopofLeonforacrozier。””GahaganhasCONSECRATEDit，”giggledoutRamonCabrera；andsotheywentonwiththeirmuchacasforanhourormore。But，whentheyheardthatthemeansofmysalvationfromthelanceofthescoundrellyChristinohadbeentheMagazinecontainingmyownhistory，theirlaughwaschangedintowonder。IreadthemspeakingSpanishmorefluentlythanEnglisheverywordofmystory。”Buthowisthis？”saidCabrera。”Yousurelyhaveotheradventurestorelate？””ExcellentSir，”saidI，”Ihave；”andthatveryevening，aswesatoverourcupsoftertulliasangaree，Icontinuedmynarrativeinnearlythefollowingwords:——”IleftoffintheverymiddleofthebattleofDelhi，whichended，aseverybodyknows，inthecompletetriumphoftheBritisharms。
Butwhogainedthebattle？LordLakeiscalledViscountLakeofDelhiandLaswaree，whileMajorGaha——nonsense，nevermindHIM，nevermindthechargeheexecutedwhen，sabreinhand，heleapedthesix-footwallinthemouthoftheroaringcannon，overtheheadsofthegleamingpikes；when，withonehandseizingthesacredpeishcush，orfish——whichwasthebanneralwaysbornebeforeScindiah，——he，withhisgoodsword，cutoffthetrunkofthefamouswhiteelephant，which，shriekingwithagony，plungedmadlyintotheMahrattaranks，followedbyhisgiantbrethren，tossing，likechaffbeforethewind，theaffrightedkitmatgars。He，meanwhile，nowplungingintothemidstofabattalionofconsomahs，nowcleavingtothechineascreamingandferociousbobbachee，*rushedon，likethesimoomacrosstheredZaharanplain，killingwithhisownhand，ahundredandforty-thr——butnevermind——’ALONEHEDIDIT；’
sufficientbeitforhim，however，thatthevictorywaswon:hecaresnotfortheemptyhonorswhichwereawardedtomorefortunatemen！
*Thedouble-jointedcamelofBactria，whichtheclassicreadermayrecollectismentionedbySuidasinhisCommentaryontheFlightofDarius，issocalledbytheMahrattas。”WemarchedafterthebattletoDelhi，wherepoorblindoldShahAllumreceivedus，andbestowedallkindsofhonorsandtitlesonourGeneral。Aseachoftheofficerspassedbeforehim，theShahdidnotfailtoremarkmyperson，*andwastoldmyname。
*ThereissometriflinginconsistencyontheMajor’spart。ShahAllumwasnotoriouslyblind:how，then，couldhehaveseenGahagan？
Thethingismanifestlyimpossible。”LordLakewhisperedtohimmyexploits，andtheoldmanwassodelightedwiththeaccountofmyvictoryovertheelephantwhosetrunkIusetothisday，thathesaid，’LethimbecalledGUJPUTI，’orthelordofelephants；andGujputiwasthenamebywhichIwasafterwardsfamiliarlyknownamongthenatives，——themen，thatis。Thewomenhadasofterappellationforme，andcalledme’Mushook，’orcharmer。”Well，IshallnotdescribeDelhi，whichisdoubtlesswellknowntothereader；northesiegeofAgra，towhichplacewewentfromDelhi；northeterribledayatLaswaree，whichwentnightofinishthewar。Sufficeittosaythatwewerevictorious，andthatIwaswounded；asIhaveinvariablybeeninthetwohundredandfouroccasionswhenIhavefoundmyselfinaction。Onepoint，however，becameinthecourseofthiscampaignQUITEevident——THATSOMETHING
MUSTBEDONEFORGAHAGAN。Thecountrycriedshame，theKing’stroopsgrumbled，thesepoysopenlymurmuredthattheirGujputiwasonlyalieutenant，whenhehadperformedsuchsignalservices。
Whatwastobedone？LordWellesleywasinanevidentquandary。
’Gahagan，’wrotehe，’tobeasubalternisevidentlynotyourfate——
YOUWEREBORNFORCOMMAND；butLakeandGeneralWellesleyaregoodofficers，theycannotbeturnedout——Imustmakeapostforyou。
Whatsayyou，mydearfellow，toacorpsofIRREGULARHORSE？’”ItwasthusthatthefamouscorpsofAHMEDNUGGARIRREGULARShaditsorigin；aguerillaforce，itistrue，butonewhichwilllongberememberedintheannalsofourIndiancampaigns……”Asthecommanderofthisregiment，Iwasallowedtosettletheuniformofthecorps，aswellastoselectrecruits。Thesewerenotwantingassoonasmyappointmentwasmadeknown，butcameflockingtomystandardagreatdealfasterthantotheregularcorpsintheCompany’sservice。IhadEuropeanofficers，ofcourse，tocommandthem，andafewofmycountrymenassergeants；
therestwereallnatives，whomIchoseofthestrongestandbravestmeninIndia；chieflyPitans，Afghans，Hurrumzadehs，andCalliawns:forthesearewellknowntobethemostwarlikedistrictsofourIndianterritory。”Whenonparadeandinfulluniformwemadeasingularandnobleappearance。Iwasalwaysfondofdress；and，inthisinstance，gaveacarteblanchetomytaste，andinventedthemostsplendidcostumethateverperhapsdecoratedasoldier。Iam，asIhavestatedalready，sixfeetfourinchesinheight，andofmatchlesssymmetryandproportion。Myhairandbeardareofthemostbrilliantauburn，sobrightasscarcelytobedistinguishedatadistancefromscarlet。Myeyesarebrightblue，overshadowedbybushyeyebrowsofthecolorofmyhair，andaterrificgashofthedeepestpurple，whichgoesovertheforehead，theeyelid，andthecheek，andfinishesattheear，givesmyfaceamorestrictlymilitaryappearancethancanbeconceived。WhenIhavebeendrinkingasisprettyoftenthecasethisgashbecomesrubybright，andasIhaveanotherwhichtookoffapieceofmyunder-
lip，andshowsfiveofmyfrontteeth，Ileaveyoutoimaginethat’seldomlightedontheearth’asthemonsterBurkeremarkedofoneofhisunhappyvictims，’amoreextraordinaryvision。’Iimprovedthesenaturaladvantages；and，whileincantonmentduringthehotwindsatChittybobbary，allowedmyhairtogrowverylong，asdidmybeard，whichreachedtomywaist。Ittookmetwohoursdailytocurlmyhairintenthousandlittlecork-screwringlets，whichwavedovermyshoulders，andtogetmymoustacheswellroundtothecornersofmyeyelids。Idressedinloosescarlettrousersandredmoroccoboots，ascarletjacket，andashawlofthesamecolorroundmywaist；ascarletturbanthreefeethigh，anddecoratedwithatuftofthescarletfeathersoftheflamingo，formedmyhead-dress，andIdidnotallowmyselfasingleornament，exceptasmallsilverskullandcrossbonesinfrontofmyturban。Twobraceofpistols，aMalaycreese，andatulwar，sharponbothsides，andverynearlysixfeetinlength，completedthiselegantcostume。Mytwoflagswereeachsurmountedwitharedskullandcross-bones，andornamented，onewithablack，andtheotherwitharedbeardofenormouslength，takenfrommenslaininbattlebyme。OnoneflagwereofcoursethearmsofJohnCompany；ontheother，animageofmyselfbestridingaprostrateelephant，withthesimpleword，’Gujputi’writtenunderneathintheNagaree，Persian，andSanscritcharacters。Irodemyblackhorse，andlooked，bytheimmortalgods，likeMars。TomemightbeappliedthewordswhichwerewrittenconcerninghandsomeGeneralWebb，inMarlborough’stime:——”’Tonobledangerheconductstheway，Hisgreatexampleallhistroopobey，BeforethefronttheMajorsternlyrides，WithsuchanairasMarstobattlestrides。
PropitiousheavenmustsureaherosaveLikeParishandsome，andlikeHectorbrave！’”MyofficersCaptainsBiggsandMackanulty，LieutenantsGlogger，Pappendick，Stuffle，&c。，&c。weredressedexactlyinthesameway，butinyellow；andthemenweresimilarlyequipped，butinblack。Ihaveseenmanyregimentssince，andmanyferocious-
lookingmen，buttheAhmednuggarIrregularsweremoredreadfultotheviewthananysetofruffiansonwhichIeverseteyes。I
wouldtoheaventhattheCzarofMuscovyhadpassedthroughCaboolandLahore，andthatIwithmyoldAhmednuggarsstoodonafairfieldtomeethim！Blessyou，blessyou，myswartcompanionsinvictory！throughthemistoftwentyyearsIheartheboomingofyourwar-cry，andmarktheglitterofyourscimitarsasyerageinthethickestofthebattle！*
*Idonotwishtobragofmystyleofwriting，ortopretendthatmygeniusasawriterhasnotbeenequalledinformertimes；butif，intheworksofByron，Scott，Goethe，orVictorHugo，thereadercanfindamorebeautifulsentencethantheabove，Iwillbeobligedtohim，thatisall——Isimplysay，IWILLBEOBLIGEDTO
HIM——G。O’G。G。，M。H。E。I。C。S。，C。I。H。A。”Butawaywithmelancholyreminiscences。YoumayfancywhatafiguretheIrregularscutonafield-day——alineoffivehundredblack-faced，black-dressed，black-horsed，black-beardedmen——Biggs，Glogger，andtheotherofficersinyellow，gallopingaboutthefieldlikeflashesoflightning；myselfenlighteningthem，red，solitary，andmajestic，likeyongloriousorbinheaven。”Thereareveryfewmen，Ipresume，whohavenotheardofHolkar’ssuddenandgallantincursionintotheDooab，intheyear1804，whenwethoughtthatthevictoryofLaswareeandthebrilliantsuccessatDeeghadcompletelyfinishedhim。TakingtenthousandhorsehebrokeuphiscampatPalimbang；andthefirstthingGeneralLakeheardofhimwas，thathewasatPutna，thenatRumpooge，thenatDoncaradam——hewas，infact，intheveryheartofourterritory。”Theunfortunatepartoftheaffairwasthis:——HisExcellency，despisingtheMahrattachieftain，hadallowedhimtoadvanceabouttwothousandmilesinhisfront，andknewnotintheslightestdegreewheretolayholdonhim。WasheatHazarubaug？washeatBoglyGunge？nobodyknew，andforaconsiderableperiodthemovementsofLake’scavalrywerequiteambiguous，uncertain，promiscuous，andundetermined。”Such，briefly，wasthestateofaffairsinOctober，1804。AtthebeginningofthatmonthIhadbeenwoundedatriflingscratch，cuttingoffmyleftuppereyelid，abitofmycheek，andmyunderlip，andIwasobligedtoleaveBiggsincommandofmyIrregulars，whilstIretiredformywoundstoanEnglishstationatFurruckabad，aliasFuttyghur——itis，aseverytwopennypostmanknows，attheapexoftheDooab。Wehavethereacantonment，andthitherIwentforthemeresakeofthesurgeonandthesticking-
plaster。”Furruckabad，then，isdividedintotwodistrictsortowns:thelowerCotwal，inhabitedbythenatives，andtheupperwhichisfortifiedslightly，andhasallalongbeencalledFuttyghur，meaninginHindoostanee’the-favorite-resort-of-the-white-faced-
Feringhees-near-the-mango-tope-consecrated-toRam’occupiedbyEuropeans。Itisastonishing，bytheway，howcomprehensivethatlanguageis，andhowmuchcanbeconveyedinoneortwoofthecommonestphrases。”Biggs，then，andmymenwereplayingallsortsofwondrousprankswithLordLake’sarmy，whilstIwasdetainedanunwillingprisonerofhealthatFuttyghur。”Anunwillingprisoner，however，Ishouldnotsay。ThecantonmentatFuttyghurcontainedthatwhichwouldhavemadeANYmanahappyslave。Woman，lovelywoman，wasthereinabundanceandvariety！
Thefactis，thatwhenthecampaigncommencedin1803，theladiesofthearmyallcongregatedtothisplace，wheretheywereleft，asitwassupposed，insafety。Imight，likeHomer，relatethenamesandqualitiesofall。ImayatleastmentionSOMEwhosememoryisstillmostdeartome。Therewas——”Mrs。Major-GeneralBulcher，wifeofBulcheroftheinfantry。”MissBulcher。”MissBELINDABULCHERwhosenameIbegtheprintertoplaceinlargecapitals。”Mrs。ColonelVandegobbleschroy。”Mrs。MajorMacanandthefourMissesMacan。”TheHonorableMrs。Burgoo，Mrs。Flix，Hicks，Wicks，andmanymoretoonumeroustomention。Theflowerofourcampwas，however，collectedthere，andthelastwordsofLordLaketome，asIlefthim，were，’Gahagan，Icommitthosewomentoyourcharge。Guardthemwithyourlife，watchoverthemwithyourhonor，defendthemwiththematchlesspowerofyourindomitablearm。’”Futtyghuris，asIhavesaid，aEuropeanstation，andtheprettyairofthebungalows，amidtheclusteringtopesofmango-trees，hasoftenerethisexcitedtheadmirationofthetouristandsketcher。
Onthebrowofahill——theBurrumpooterriverrollsmajesticallyatitsbase；andnospot，inaword，canbeconceivedmoreexquisitelyarranged，bothbyartandnature，asafavoriteresidenceoftheBritishfair。Mrs。Bulcher，Mrs。Vandegobbleschroy，andtheothermarriedladiesabovementioned，hadeachofthemdelightfulbungalowsandgardensintheplace，andbetweenonecottageandanothermytimepassedasdelightfullyascanthehoursofanymanwhoisawayfromhisdarlingoccupationofwar。”Iwasthecommandantofthefort。Itisalittleinsignificantpettah，defendedsimplybyacoupleofgabions，averyordinarycounterscarp，andabomb-proofembrasure。Onthetopofthismyflagwasplanted，andthesmallgarrisonoffortymenonlywerecomfortablybarrackedoffinthecase-mateswithin。Asurgeonandtwochaplainstherewerebesidesthreereverendgentlemenofamateurmissions，wholivedinthetown，completed，asImaysay，thegarrisonofourlittlefortalice，whichIwaslefttodefendandtocommand。”OnthenightofthefirstofNovember，intheyear1804，IhadinvitedMrs。Major-GeneralBulcherandherdaughters，Mrs。
Vandegobbleschroy，and，indeed，alltheladiesinthecantonment，toalittlefestivalinhonoroftherecoveryofmyhealth，ofthecommencementoftheshootingseason，andindeedasafarewellvisit，foritwasmyintentiontotakedawktheverynextmorningandreturntomyregiment。ThethreeamateurmissionarieswhomI
havementioned，andsomeladiesinthecantonmentofveryrigidreligiousprinciples，refusedtoappearatmylittleparty。Theyhadbetterneverhavebeenbornthanhavedoneastheydid:asyoushallhear。”Wehadbeendancingmerrilyallnight，andthesupperchieflyofthedelicatecondor，thelusciousadjutant，andotherbirdsofasimilarkind，whichIhadshotinthecourseofthedayhadbeendulyfetedbyeveryladyandgentlemanpresent；whenItookanopportunitytoretireontheramparts，withtheinterestingandlovelyBelindaBulcher。Iwasoccupied，astheFrenchsay，inconter-ingfleurettestothissweetyoungcreature，when，allofasudden，arocketwasseenwhizzingthroughtheair，andastronglightwasvisibleinthevalleybelowthelittlefort。”’What，fireworks！CaptainGahagan，’saidBelinda；’thisistoogallant。’”’Indeed，mydearMissBulcher，’saidI，’theyarefireworksofwhichIhavenoidea:perhapsourfriendsthemissionaries——’”’Look，look！’saidBelinda，trembling，andclutchingtightlyholdofmyarm:’whatdoIsee？yes——no——yes！itis——OURBUNGALOWISIN
FLAMES！’”Itwastrue，thespaciousbungalowoccupiedbyMrs。Major-Generalwasatthatmomentseenapreytothedevouringelement——anotherandanothersucceededit——sevenbungalows，beforeIcouldalmostejaculatethenameofJackRobinson，wereseenblazingbrightlyintheblackmidnightair！”Iseizedmynight-glass，andlookingtowardsthespotwheretheconflagrationraged，whatwasmyastonishmenttoseethousandsofblackformsdancingroundthefires；whilstbytheirlightsIcouldobservecolumnsaftercolumnsofIndianhorse，arrivingandtakinguptheirgroundintheverymiddleoftheopensquareortank，roundwhichthebungalowswerebuilt！”’Ho，warder！’shoutedIwhilethefrightenedandtremblingBelindaclungclosertomyside，andpressedthestalwartarmthatencircledherwaist，’downwiththedrawbridge！seethatyourmasolgees’smalltumbrelswhichareusedinplaceoflargeartillery’bewellloaded:you，sepoys，hastenandmantheravelin！you，choprasees，putoutthelightsintheembrasures！weshallhavewarmworkofitto-night，ormynameisnotGoliahGahagan。’”Theladies，thegueststothenumberofeighty-three，thesepoys，choprasees，masolgees，andsoon，hadallcrowdedontheplatformatthesoundofmyshouting，anddreadfulwastheconsternation，shrillthescreaming，occasionedbymywords。Themenstoodirresoluteandmutewithterror！thewomen，trembling，knewscarcelywhithertoflyforrefuge。’Whoareyonderruffians？’saidI。Ahundredvoicesyelpedinreply——somesaidthePindarees，somesaidtheMahrattas，somevoweditwasScindiah，andothersdeclareditwasHolkar——nooneknew。”’Isthereanyonehere，’saidI，’whowillventuretoreconnoitreyondertroops？’Therewasadeadpause。”’Athousandtomaunstothemanwhowillbringmenewsofyonderarmy！’againIrepeated。Stilladeadsilence。ThefactwasthatScindiahandHolkarbothweresonotoriousfortheircruelty，thatnoonedaredventuretofacethedanger。OhforfiftyofmybraveAbmednuggarees！’thoughtI。”’Gentlemen，’saidI，’Iseeit——youarecowards——noneofyoudareencounterthechanceevenofdeath。Itisanencouragingprospect:
knowyounotthattheruffianHolkar，ifitbehe，willwiththemorrow’sdawnbeleaguerourlittlefort，andthrowthousandsofmenagainstourwalls？knowyounotthat，ifwearetaken，thereisnoquarter，nohope；deathforus——andworsethandeathfortheselovelyonesassembledhere？’HeretheladiesshriekedandraisedahowlasIhaveheardthejackalsonasummer’sevening。Belinda，mydearBelinda！flungbothherarmsroundme，andsobbedonmyshoulderorinmywaistcoat-pocketrather，forthelittlewitchcouldreachnohigher。”’CaptainGahagan，’sobbedshe，’GO——GO——GOGGLE——IAH！’”’Mysoul’sadored！’repliedI。”’Sweartomeonething。’”’Iswear。’”’Thatif——thatif——thenasty，horrid，odiousblackMah-ra-a-a-attahstakethefort，youwillputmeoutoftheirpower。’”Iclaspedthedeargirltomyheart，andsworeuponmyswordthat，ratherthansheshouldincurtheriskofdishonorssheshouldperishbymyownhand。Thiscomfortedher；andhermother，Mrs。
Major-GeneralBulcher，andhereldersister，whohadnotuntilnowknownawordofourattachment，indeed，butfortheseextraordinarycircumstances，itisprobablethatweourselvesshouldneverhavediscoveredit，wereunderthesepainfulcircumstancesmadeawareofmybelovedBelinda’spartialityforme。Havingcommunicatedthusherwishofself-destruction，Ithoughtherexampleatouchingandexcellentone，andproposedtoalltheladiesthattheyshouldfollowit，andthatattheentryoftheenemyintothefort，andatasignalgivenbyme，theyshouldoneandallmakeawaywiththemselves。Fancymydisgustwhen，aftermakingthisproposition，notoneoftheladieschosetoaccedetoit，andreceiveditwiththesamechillingdenialthatmyformerproposaltothegarrisonhadmetwith。