No:whatIwantistogetridofallthatnonsense。Hesitsdownbesideher，sonaturallythatshedoesnotthinkofobjecting，andproceeds，withenthusiasmDon\'tyouthinkitahorriblethingthatamanandawomancanhardlyknowoneanotherwithoutbeingsupposedtohavedesignsofthatkind？Asiftherewerenootherinterests——noothersubjectsofconversation——asifwomenwerecapableofnothingbetter!
GLORIAinterested。Ah，nowyouarebeginningtotalkhumanlyandsensibly，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINEwithagleaminhiseyeatthesuccessofhishunter\'sguile。Ofcourse!——twointelligentpeoplelikeus。Isn\'titpleasant，inthisstupid，convention-riddenworld，tomeetwithsomeoneonthesameplane——someonewithanunprejudiced，enlightenedmind？
GLORIAearnestly。IhopetomeetmanysuchpeopleinEngland。
VALENTINEdubiously。Hm!Thereareagoodmanypeoplehere——
nearlyfortymillions。They\'renotallconsumptivemembersofthehighlyeducatedclasseslikethepeopleinMadeira。
GLORIAnowfullofhersubject。Oh，everybodyisstupidandprejudicedinMadeira——weak，sentimentalcreatures!Ihateweakness；
andIhatesentiment。
VALENTINE。That\'swhatmakesyousoinspiring。
GLORIAwithaslightlaugh。AmIinspiring？
VALENTINEYes。Strength\'sinfectious。
GLORIA。Weaknessis，Iknow。
VALENTINEwithconviction。You\'restrong。Doyouknowthatyouchangedtheworldformethismorning？Iwasinthedumps，thinkingofmyunpaidrent，frightenedaboutthefuture。Whenyoucamein，Iwasdazzled。Herbrowcloudsalittle。Hegoesonquickly。Thatwassilly，ofcourse；butreallyandtrulysomethinghappenedtome。
Explainithowyouwill，mybloodgot——hehesitates，tryingtothinkofasufficientlyunimpassionedword——oxygenated:mymusclesbraced；
mymindcleared；mycouragerose。That\'sodd，isn\'tit？consideringthatIamnotatallasentimentalman。
GLORIAuneasily，rising。Letusgobacktothebeach。
VALENTINEdarkly——lookingupather。What!youfeelit，too？
GLORIA。Feelwhat？
VALENTINE。Dread。
GLORIA。Dread!
VALENTINE。Asifsomethingweregoingtohappen。Itcameovermesuddenlyjustbeforeyouproposedthatweshouldrunawaytotheothers。
GLORIAamazed。That\'sstrange——verystrange!Ihadthesamepresentiment。
VALENTINE。Howextraordinary!Rising。Well:shallwerunaway？
GLORIA。Runaway!Oh，no:thatwouldbechildish。Shesitsdownagain。Heresumeshisseatbesideher，andwatchesherwithagravelysympatheticair。Sheisthoughtfulandalittletroubledassheadds
Iwonderwhatisthescientificexplanationofthosefanciesthatcrossusoccasionally!
VALENTINE。Ah，Iwonder!It\'sacuriouslyhelplesssensation:isn\'tit？
GLORIArebellingagainsttheword。Helpless？
VALENTINE。Yes。AsifNature，afterallowingustobelongtoourselvesanddowhatwejudgedrightandreasonableforalltheseyears，weresuddenlyliftinghergreathandtotakeus——hertwolittlechildren——bythescruff\'sofourlittlenecks，anduseus，inspiteofourselves，forherownpurposes，inherownway。
GLORIA。Isn\'tthatratherfanciful？
VALENTINEwithanewandstartlingtransitiontoatoneofutterrecklessness。Idon\'tknow。Idon\'tcare。Burstingoutreproachfully。Oh，MissClandon，MissClandon:howcouldyou？
GLORIA。WhathaveIdone？
VALENTINE。Thrownthisenchantmentonme。I\'mhonestlytryingtobesensible——scientific——everythingthatyouwishmetobe。But——but——
oh，don\'tyouseewhatyouhavesettoworkinmyimagination？
GLORIAwithindignant，scornfulsternness。Ihopeyouarenotgoingtobesofoolish——sovulgar——astosaylove。
VALENTINEwithironicalhastetodisclaimsuchaweakness。No，no，no。Notlove:weknowbetterthanthat。Let\'scallitchemistry。Youcan\'tdenythatthereissuchathingaschemicalaction，chemicalaffinity，chemicalcombination——themostirresistibleofallnaturalforces。Well，you\'reattractingmeirresistibly——chemically。
GLORIAcontemptuously。Nonsense!
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'snonsense，youstupidgirl。Gloriarecoilsinoutragedsurprise。Yes，stupidgirl:that\'sascientificfact，anyhow。You\'reaprig——afeminineprig:that\'swhatyouare。Rising。NowIsupposeyou\'vedonewithmeforever。Hegoestotheirontableandtakesuphishat。
GLORIAwithelaboratecalm，sittinguplikeaHigh-school-mistressposingtobephotographed。Thatshowshowverylittleyouunderstandmyrealcharacter。Iamnotintheleastoffended。Hepausesandputshishatdownagain。Iamalwayswillingtobetoldofmyowndefects，Mr。Valentine，bymyfriends，evenwhentheyareasabsurdlymistakenaboutmeasyouare。Ihavemanyfaults——veryseriousfaults——ofcharacterandtemper；butifthereisonethingthatIamnot，itiswhatyoucallaprig。Sheclosesherlipstrimlyandlookssteadilyandchallenginglyathimasshesitsmorecollectedlythanever。
VALENTINEreturningtotheendofthegardenseattoconfronthermoreemphatically。Oh，yes，youare。Myreasontellsmeso:myknowledgetellsmeso:myexperiencetellsmeso。
GLORIA。Excusemyremindingyouthatyourreasonandyourknowledgeandyourexperiencearenotinfallible。AtleastIhopenot。
VALENTINE。Imustbelievethem。Unlessyouwishmetobelievemyeyes，myheart，myinstincts，myimagination，whicharealltellingmethemostmonstrousliesaboutyou。
GLORIAthecollectednessbeginningtorelax。Lies!
VALENTINEobstinately。Yes，lies。Hesitsdownagainbesideher。Doyouexpectmetobelievethatyouarethemostbeautifulwomanintheworld？
GLORIA。Thatisridiculous，andratherpersonal。
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'sridiculous。Well，that\'swhatmyeyestellme。Gloriamakesamovementofcontemptuousprotest。No:I\'mnotflattering。ItellyouIdon\'tbelieveit。Sheisashamedtofindthatthisdoesnotquitepleasehereither。Doyouthinkthatifyouweretoturnawayindisgustfrommyweakness，Ishouldsitdownhereandcrylikeachild？
GLORIAbeginningtofindthatshemustspeakshortlyandpointedlytokeephervoicesteady。Whyshouldyou，pray？
VALENTINEwithastiroffeelingbeginningtoagitatehisvoice。
Ofcoursenot:I\'mnotsuchanidiot。AndyetmyhearttellsmeI
should——myfoolofaheart。ButI\'llarguewithmyheartandbringittoreason。IfIlovedyouathousandtimes，I\'llforcemyselftolookthetruthsteadilyintheface。Afterall，it\'seasytobesensible:
thefactsarethefacts。What\'sthisplace？it\'snotheaven:it\'stheMarineHotel。What\'sthetime？it\'snoteternity:it\'sabouthalfpastoneintheafternoon。WhatamI？adentist——afiveshillingdentist!
GLORIA。AndIamafeminineprig。
VALENTINE。passionately。No，no:Ican\'tfacethat:Imusthaveoneillusionleft——theillusionaboutyou。Iloveyou。Heturnstowardsherasiftheimpulsetotouchherwereungovernable:sherisesandstandsonherguardwrathfully。Hespringsupimpatientlyandretreatsastep。Oh，whatafoolIam!——anidiot!Youdon\'tunderstand:Imightaswelltalktothestonesonthebeach。Heturnsaway，discouraged。
GLORIAreassuredbyhiswithdrawal，andalittleremorseful。Iamsorry。Idonotmeantobeunsympathetic，Mr。Valentine；butwhatcanI
say？
VALENTINEreturningtoherwithallhisrecklessnessofmannerreplacedbyanengagingandchivalrousrespect。Youcansaynothing，MissClandon。Ibegyourpardon:itwasmyownfault，orrathermyownbadluck。Yousee，italldependedonyournaturallylikingme。Sheisabouttospeak:hestopsherdeprecatingly。Oh，Iknowyoumustn\'ttellmewhetheryoulikemeornot；but——
GLORIAherprinciplesupinarmsatonce。Mustnot!Whynot？I
amafreewoman:whyshouldInottellyou？
VALENTINEpleadinginterror，andretreating。Don\'t。I\'mafraidtohear。
GLORIAnolongerscornful。Youneednotbeafraid。Ithinkyouaresentimental，andalittlefoolish；butIlikeyou。
VALENTINEdroppingintotheironchairasifcrushed。Thenit\'sallover。Hebecomesthepictureofdespair。
GLORIApuzzled，approachinghim。Butwhy？
VALENTINE。Becauselikingisnotenough。NowthatIthinkdownintoitseriously，Idon\'tknowwhetherIlikeyouornot。
GLORIAlookingdownathimwithwonderingconcern。I\'msorry。
VALENTINEinanagonyofrestrainedpassion。Oh，don\'tpityme。
Yourvoiceistearingmyhearttopieces。Letmealone，Gloria。Yougodownintotheverydepthsofme，troublingandstirringme——Ican\'tstrugglewithit——Ican\'ttellyou——
GLORIAbreakingdownsuddenly。Oh，stoptellingmewhatyoufeel:
Ican\'tbearit。
VALENTINEspringinguptriumphantly，theagonizedvoicenowsolid，ringing，andjubilant。Ah，it\'scomeatlast——mymomentofcourage。
Heseizesherhands:shelooksathiminterror。Ourmomentofcourage!Hedrawshertohim；kissesherwithimpetuousstrength；andlaughsboyishly。Nowyou\'vedoneit，Gloria。It\'sallover:we\'reinlovewithoneanother。Shecanonlygaspathim。Butwhatadragonyouwere!AndhowhideouslyafraidIwas!
PHILIP\'SVOICEcallingfromthebeach。Valentine!
DOLLY\'SVOICE。Mr。Valentine!
VALENTINE。Good-bye。Forgiveme。Herapidlykissesherhands，andrunsawaytothesteps，wherehemeetsMrs。Clandon，ascending。Gloria，quitelost，canonlystartafterhim。
MRS。CLANDON。Thechildrenwantyou，Mr。Valentine。Shelooksanxiouslyaround。Ishegone？
VALENTINEpuzzled。He？Recollecting。Oh，Crampton。Gonethislongtime，Mrs。Clandon。Herunsoffbuoyantlydownthesteps。
GLORIAsinkingupontheseat。Mother!
MRS。CLANDONhurryingtoherinalarm。Whatisit，dear？
GLORIAwithheartfelt，appealingreproach。Whydidn\'tyoueducatemeproperly？
MRS。CLANDONamazed。Mychild:Ididmybest。
GLORIA。Oh，youtaughtmenothing——nothing。
MRS。CLANDON。Whatisthematterwithyou？
GLORIAwiththemostintenseexpression。Onlyshame——shame——
shame。Blushingunendurably，shecoversherfacewithherhandsandturnsawayfromhermother。
ENDOFACTII。
ActIII
TheClandon\'ssittingroominthehotel。Anexpensiveapartmentonthegroundfloor，withaFrenchwindowleadingtothegardens。Inthecentreoftheroomisasubstantialtable，surroundedbychairs，anddrapedwithamaroonclothonwhichopulentlyboundhotelandrailwayguidesaredisplayed。Avisitorenteringthroughthewindowandcomingdowntothiscentraltablewouldhavethefireplaceonhisleft，andawritingtableagainstthewallonhisright，nextthedoor，whichisfurtherdown。Hewould，ifhistastelaythatway，admirethewalldecorationofLincrustaWaltoninplumcolorandbronzelacquer，withdadoandcornice；theormoluconsolesinthecorners；thevasesonpillarpedestalsofveinedmarblewithbasesofpolishedblackwood，oneoneachsideofthewindow；theornamentalcabinetnextthevaseonthesidenearestthefireplace，itscentrecompartmentclosedbyaninlaiddoor，anditscornersroundedoffwithcurvedpanesofglassprotectingshelvesofcheapblueandwhitepottery；thebambooteatable，withfoldingshelves，inthecorrespondingspaceontheothersideofthewindow；thepicturesofoceansteamersandLandseer\'sdogs；thesaddlebagottomaninlinewiththedoorbutontheothersideoftheroom；thetwocomfortableseatsofthesamepatternonthehearthrug；
andfinally，onturningroundandlookingup，themassivebrasspoleabovethewindow，sustainingapairofmaroonrepcurtainswithdecoratedbordersofstaidgreen。Altogether，aroomwellarrangedtoflattertheoccupant\'ssenseofimportance，andreconcilehimtoachargeofapoundadayforitsuse。
Mrs。Clandonsitsatthewritingtable，correctingproofs。Gloriaisstandingatthewindow，lookingoutinatormentedrevery。
Theclockonthemantelpiecestrikesfivewithasicklyclink，thebellbeingunabletobearupagainsttheblackmarblecenotaphinwhichitisimmured。
MRS。CLANDON。Five!Idon\'tthinkweneedwaitanylongerforthechildren。Thearesuretogetteasomewhere。
GLORIAwearily。ShallIring？
MRS。CLANDON。Do，mydear。Gloriagoestothehearthandrings。
Ihavefinishedtheseproofsatlast，thankgoodness!
GLORIAstrollinglistlesslyacrosstheroomandcomingbehindhermother\'schair。Whatproofs？
MRS。CLANDONTheneweditionofTwentiethCenturyWomen。
GLORIAwithabittersmile。There\'sachaptermissing。
MRS。CLANDONbeginningtohuntamongherproofs。Isthere？Surelynot。
GLORIA。Imeananunwrittenone。PerhapsIshallwriteitforyou——
whenIknowtheendofit。Shegoesbacktothewindow。
MRS。CLANDON。Gloria!Moreenigmas!
GLORIA。Oh，no。Thesameenigma。
MRS。CLANDONpuzzledandrathertroubled；afterwatchingherforamoment。Mydear。
GLORIAreturning。Yes。
MRS。CLANDON。YouknowIneveraskquestions。
GLORIAkneelingbesideherchair。Iknow，Iknow。Shesuddenlythrowsherarmsabouthermotherandembracesheralmostpassionately。
MRS。CLANDON。gently，smilingbutembarrassed。Mydear:youaregettingquitesentimentalGLORIArecoiling。Ah，no，no。Oh，don\'tsaythat。Oh!Sherisesandturnsawaywithagestureasiftearingherself。
MRS。CLANDONmildly。Mydear:whatisthematter？What——Thewaiterenterswiththeteatray。
WAITERbalmily。Thiswaswhatyourangfor，ma\'am，Ihope？
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou，yes。Sheturnsherchairawayfromthewritingtable，andsitsdownagain。Gloriacrossestothehearthandsitscrouchingtherewithherfaceaverted。
WAITERplacingthetraytemporarilyonthecentretable。Ithoughtso，ma\'am。Curioushowthenervesseemtogiveoutintheafternoonwithoutacupoftea。HefetchestheteatableandplacesitinfrontofMrs。Cladon，conversingmeanwhile。theyoungladyandgentlemanhavejustcomeback，ma\'am:theyhavebeenoutinaboat，ma\'am。Verypleasantonafineafternoonlikethis——verypleasantandinvigoratingindeed。Hetakesthetrayfromthecentretableandputsitontheteatable。Mr。McComaswillnotcometotea，ma\'am:hehasgonetocalluponMr。Crampton。Hetakesacoupleofchairsandsetsoneateachendoftheteatable。
GLORIAlookingroundwithanimpulseofterror。Andtheothergentleman？
WAITERreassuringly，asheunconsciouslydropsforamomentintothemeasureof\"I\'vebeenroaming，\"whichhesangasaboy。Oh，he\'scoming，miss，he\'scoming。Hehasbeenrowingtheboat，miss，andhasjustrundowntheroadtothechemist\'sforsomethingtoputontheblisters。Buthewillbeheredirectly，miss——directly。Gloria，inungovernableapprehension，risesandhurriestowardsthedoor。
MRS。CLANDON。halfrising。Glo——Gloriagoesout。Mrs。Clandonlooksperplexedlyatthewaiter，whosecomposureisunruffled。
WAITERcheerfully。Anythingmore，ma\'am？
MRS。CLANDON。Nothing，thankyou。
WAITER。Thankyou，ma\'am。Ashewithdraws，PhilandDolly，inthehighestspirits，cometearingin。Heholdsthedooropenforthem；thengoesoutandclosesit。
DOLLYravenously。Oh，givemesometea。Mrs。Clandonpoursoutacupforher。We\'vebeenoutinaboat。Valentinewillbeherepresently。
PHILIP。Heisunaccustomedtonavigation。Where\'sGloria？
MRS。CLANDONanxiously，asshepoursouthistea。Phil:thereissomethingthematterwithGloria。Hasanythinghappened？PhilandDollylookatoneanotherandstiflealaugh。Whatisit？
PHILIPsittingdownonherleft。Romeo——
DOLLYsittingdownonherright——andJuliet。
PHILIPtakinghiscupofteafromMrs。Clandon。Yes，mydearmother:theold，oldstory。Dolly:don\'ttakeallthemilk。
Hedeftlytakesthejugfromher。Yes:inthespring——
DOLLY——ayoungman\'sfancy——
PHILIP——lightlyturnsto——thankyoutoMrs。Clandon，whohaspassedthebiscuits——thoughtsoflove。Italsooccursintheautumn。
Theyoungmaninthiscaseis——
DOLLY。Valentine。
PHILIP。AndhisfancyhasturnedtoGloriatotheextentof——
DOLLY——kissingher——
PHILIP——ontheterrace——
DOLLYcorrectinghim——onthelips，beforeeverybody。
MRS。CLANDONincredulously。Phil!Dolly!Areyoujoking？Theyshaketheirheads。Didsheallowit？
PHILIP。Wewaitedtoseehimstrucktoearthbythelightningofherscorn；——
DOLLY——buthewasn\'t。
PHILIP。Sheappearedtolikeit。
DOLLY。Asfaraswecouldjudge。StoppingPhil，whoisabouttopouroutanothercup。No:you\'veswornofftwocups。
MRS。CLANDONmuchtroubled。Children:youmustnotbeherewhenMr。Valentinecomes。Imustspeakveryseriouslytohimaboutthis。
PHILIP。Toaskhimhisintentions？WhataviolationofTwentiethCenturyprinciples!
DOLLY。Quiteright，mamma:bringhimtobook。Makethemostofthenineteenthcenturywhileitlasts。
PHILIP。Sh!Hereheis。Valentinecomesin。
VALENTINEVerysorrytobelatefortea，Mrs。Clandon。Shetakesupthetea-pot。No，thankyou:Inevertakeany。NodoubtMissDollyandPhilhaveexplainedwhathappenedtome。
PHILIPmomentouslyrising。Yes，Valentine:wehaveexplained。
DOLLYsignificantly，alsorising。Wehaveexplainedverythoroughly。
PHILIP。Itwasourduty。Veryseriously。Come，Dolly。HeoffersDollyhisarm，whichshetakes。Theylooksadlyathim，andgooutgravely，arminarm。Valentinestaresafterthem，puzzled；thenlooksatMrs。Clandonforanexplanation。
MRS。CLANDONrisingandleavingtheteatable。Willyousitdown，Mr。Valentine。Iwanttospeaktoyoualittle，ifyouwillallowme。
Valentinesitsdownslowlyontheottoman，hisconsciencepresagingabadquarterofanhour。Mrs。ClandontakesPhil\'schair，andseatsherselfdeliberatelyataconvenientdistancefromhim。Imustbeginbythrowingmyselfsomewhatatyourconsideration。IamgoingtospeakofasubjectofwhichIknowverylittle——perhapsnothing。Imeanlove。
VALENTINE。Love!
MRS。CLANDON。Yes，love。Oh，youneednotlooksoalarmedasthat，Mr。Valentine:Iamnotinlovewithyou。
VALENTINEoverwhelmed。Oh，really，Mrs——Recoveringhimself。
Ishouldbeonlytooproudifyouwere。
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou，Mr。Valentine。ButIamtoooldtobegin。
VALENTINE。Begin!Haveyounever——？
MRS。CLANDON。Never。Mycaseisaverycommonone，Mr。Valentine。
ImarriedbeforeIwasoldenoughtoknowwhatIwasdoing。Asyouhaveseenforyourself，theresultwasabitterdisappointmentforbothmyhusbandandmyself。Soyousee，thoughIamamarriedwoman，Ihaveneverbeeninlove；Ihaveneverhadaloveaffair；andtobequitefrankwithyou，Mr。Valentine，whatIhaveseenoftheloveaffairsofotherpeoplehasnotledmetoregretthatdeficiencyinmyexperience。
Valentine，lookingveryglum，glancesscepticallyather，andsaysnothing。Hercolorrisesalittle；andsheadds，withrestrainedanger
Youdonotbelieveme？
VALENTINEconfusedathavinghisthoughtread。Oh，whynot？Whynot？
MRS。CLANDON。Letmetellyou，Mr。Valentine，thatalifedevotedtotheCauseofHumanityhasenthusiasmsandpassionstoofferwhichfartranscendtheselfishpersonalinfatuationsandsentimentalitiesofromance。Thosearenotyourenthusiasmsandpassions，Itakeit？
Valentine，quiteawarethatshedespiseshimforit，answersinthenegativewithamelancholyshakeofthehead。Ithoughtnot。Well，Iamequallyatadisadvantageindiscussingthoseso-calledaffairsoftheheartinwhichyouappeartobeanexpert。
VALENTINErestlessly。Whatareyoudrivingat，Mrs。Clandon？
MRS。CLANDON。Ithinkyouknow。
VALENTINE。Gloria？
MRS。CLANDON。Yes。Gloria。
VALENTINEsurrendering。Well，yes:I\'minlovewithGloria。
Interposingassheisabouttospeak。Iknowwhatyou\'regoingtosay:I\'venomoney。
MRS。CLANDON。Icareverylittleaboutmoney，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE。Thenyou\'reverydifferenttoalltheothermotherswhohaveinterviewedme。
MRS。CLANDON。Ah，nowwearecomingtoit，Mr。Valentine。Youareanoldhandatthis。Heopenshismouthtoprotest:shecutshimshortwithsomeindignation。Oh，doyouthink，littleasIunderstandthesematters，thatIhavenotcommonsenseenoughtoknowthatamanwhocouldmakeasmuchwayinoneinterviewwithsuchawomanasmydaughter，canhardlybeanovice!
VALENTINE。Iassureyou——
MRS。CLANDONstoppinghim。Iamnotblamingyou，Mr。Valentine。ItisGloria\'sbusinesstotakecareofherself；andyouhavearighttoamuseyourselfasyouplease。But——
VALENTINEprotesting。Amusemyself!Oh，Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDONrelentlessly。Onyourhonor，Mr。Valentine，areyouinearnest？
VALENTINEdesperately。OnmyhonorIaminearnest。Shelookssearchinglyathim。Hissenseofhumorgetsthebetterofhim；andheaddsquaintlyOnly，Ialwayshavebeeninearnest；andyet——hereI
am，yousee!
MRS。CLANDON。ThisisjustwhatIsuspected。Severely。Mr。
Valentine:youareoneofthosemenwhoplaywithwomen\'saffections。
VALENTINE。Well，whynot，iftheCauseofHumanityistheonlythingworthbeingseriousabout？However，Iunderstand。Risingandtakinghishatwithformalpoliteness。Youwishmetodiscontinuemyvisits。
MRS。CLANDON。No:IamsensibleenoughtobewellawarethatGloria\'sbestchanceofescapefromyounowistobecomebetteracquaintedwithyou。
VALENTINEunaffectedlyalarmed。Oh，don\'tsaythat，Mrs。Clandon。
Youdon\'tthinkthat，doyou？
MRS。CLANDON。Ihavegreatfaith，Mr。Valentine，inthesoundtrainingGloria\'smindhashadsinceshewasachild。
VALENTINEamazinglyrelieved。O-oh!Oh，that\'sallright。Hesitsdownagainandthrowshishatflippantlyasidewiththeairofamanwhohasnolongeranythingtofear。
MRS。CLANDONindignantathisassurance。Whatdoyoumean？
VALENTINEturningconfidentiallytoher。Come:shallIteachyousomething，Mrs。Clandon？
MRS。CLANDONstiffly。Iamalwayswillingtolearn。
VALENTINE。Haveyoueverstudiedthesubjectofgunnery——artillery——
cannonsandwar-shipsandsoon？
MRS。CLANDON。HasgunneryanythingtodowithGloria？
VALENTINE。Agreatdeal——bywayofillustration。Duringthiswholecentury，mydearMrs。Clandon，theprogressofartilleryhasbeenaduelbetweenthemakerofcannonsandthemakerofarmorplatestokeepthecannonballsout。Youbuildashipproofagainstthebestgunknown:
somebodymakesabettergunandsinksyourship。Youbuildaheaviership，proofagainstthatgun:somebodymakesaheaviergunandsinksyouagain。Andsoon。Well，theduelofsexisjustlikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Theduelofsex!
VALENTINE。Yes:you\'veheardoftheduelofsex，haven\'tyou？Oh，I
forgot:you\'vebeeninMadeira:theexpressionhascomeupsinceyourtime。NeedIexplainit？
MRS。CLANDONcontemptuously。No。
VALENTINE。Ofcoursenot。Nowwhathappensintheduelofsex？Theoldfashionedmotherreceivedanoldfashionededucationtoprotectheragainstthewilesofman。Well，youknowtheresult:theoldfashionedmangotroundher。Theoldfashionedwomanresolvedtoprotectherdaughtermoreeffectually——tofindsomearmortoostrongfortheoldfashionedman。Soshegaveherdaughterascientificeducation——yourplan。Thatwasacorkerfortheoldfashionedman:hesaiditwasn\'tfair——unwomanlyandalltherestofit。Butthatdidn\'tdohimanygood。Sohehadtogiveuphisoldfashionedplanofattack——youknow——
goingdownonhiskneesandswearingtolove，honorandobey，andsoon。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme:thatwaswhatthewomanswore。
VALENTINE。Wasit？Ah，perhapsyou\'reright——yes:ofcourseitwas。Well，whatdidthemando？Justwhattheartillerymandoes——
wentonebetterthanthewoman——educatedhimselfscientificallyandbeatheratthatgamejustashehadbeatenherattheoldgame。I
learnthowtocircumventtheWomen\'sRightswomanbeforeIwastwenty-
three:it\'sallbeenfoundoutlongago。Yousee，mymethodsarethoroughlymodern。
MRS。CLANDONwithquietdisgust。Nodoubt。
VALENTINE。Butforthatveryreasonthere\'sonesortofgirlagainstwhomtheyareofnouse。
MRS。CLANDON。Praywhichsort？
VALENTINE。Thethoroughlyoldfashionedgirl。IfyouhadbroughtupGloriaintheoldway，itwouldhavetakenmeeighteenmonthstogettothepointIgottothisafternoonineighteenminutes。Yes，Mrs。
Clandon:theHigherEducationofWomendeliveredGloriaintomyhands；
anditwasyouwhotaughthertobelieveintheHigherEducationofWomen。
MRS。CLANDONrising。Mr。Valentine:youareveryclever。
VALENTINErisingalso。Oh，Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDONAndyouhavetaughtmenothing。Good-bye。
VALENTINEhorrified。Good-bye!Oh，mayn\'tIseeherbeforeIgo？
MRS。CLANDON。IamafraidshewillnotreturnuntilyouhavegoneMr。Valentine。Shelefttheroomexpresslytoavoidyou。
VALENTINEthoughtfully。That\'sagoodsign。Good-bye。Hebowsandmakesforthedoor，apparentlywellsatisfied。
MRS。CLANDONalarmed。Whydoyouthinkitagoodsign？
VALENTINEturningnearthedoor。BecauseIammortallyafraidofher；anditlooksasifsheweremortallyafraidofme。HeturnstogoandfindshimselffacetofacewithGloria，whohasjustentered。Shelookssteadfastlyathim。Hestareshelplesslyather；thenroundatMrs。Clandon；thenatGloriaagain，completelyataloss。
GLORIAwhite，andcontrollingherselfwithdifficulty。Mother:iswhatDollytoldmetrue？
MRS。CLANDON。Whatdidshetellyou，dear？
GLORIA。Thatyouhavebeenspeakingaboutmetothisgentleman。
VALENTINEmurmuring。Thisgentleman!Oh!
MRS。CLANDONsharply。Mr。Valentine:canyouholdyourtongueforamoment？Helookspiteouslyatthem；then，withadespairingshrug，goesbacktotheottomanandthrowshishatonit。
GLORIAconfrontinghermother，withdeepreproach。Mother:whatrighthadyoutodoit？
MRS。CLANDON。Idon\'tthinkIhavesaidanythingIhavenorighttosay，Gloria。
VALENTINEconfirmingherofficiously。Nothing。Nothingwhatever。
Glorialooksathimwithunspeakableindignation。Ibegyourpardon。
Hesitsdownignominiouslyontheottoman。
GLORIA。Icannotbelievethatanyonehasanyrighteventothinkaboutthingsthatconcernmeonly。Sheturnsawayfromthemtoconcealapainfulstrugglewithheremotion。
MRS。CLANDON。Mydear，ifIhavewoundedyourpride——
GLORIAturningonthemforamoment。Mypride!Mypride!!
Oh，it\'sgone:IhavelearntnowthatIhavenostrengthtobeproudof。
Turningawayagain。Butifawomancannotprotectherself，noonecanprotecther。Noonehasanyrighttotry——notevenhermother。IknowIhavelostyourconfidence，justasIhavelostthisman\'srespect；——
Shestopstomasterasob。
VALENTINEunderhisbreath。Thisman!Murmuringagain。Oh!
MRS。CLANDONinanundertone。Praybesilent，sir。
GLORIAcontinuing——butIhaveatleasttherighttobeleftaloneinmydisgrace。Iamoneofthoseweakcreaturesborntobemasteredbythefirstmanwhoseeyeiscaughtbythem；andImustfulfillmydestiny，Isuppose。Atleastsparemethehumiliationoftryingtosaveme。Shesitsdown，withherhandkerchieftohereyes，atthefartherendofthetable。
VALENTINEjumpingup。Lookhere——
MRS。CLANDON。Mr。Va——
VALENTINErecklessly。No:Iwillspeak:I\'vebeensilentfornearlythirtyseconds。HegoesuptoGloria。MissClandon——
GLORIAbitterly。Oh，notMissClandon:youhavefoundthatitisquitesafetocallmeGloria。
VALENTINE。No，Iwon\'t:you\'llthrowitinmyteethafterwardsandaccusemeofdisrespect。Isayit\'saheartbreakingfalsehoodthatI
don\'trespectyou。It\'struethatIdidn\'trespectyouroldpride:whyshouldI？Itwasnothingbutcowardice。Ididn\'trespectyourintellect:I\'veabetteronemyself:it\'samasculinespecialty。Butwhenthedepthsstirred!——whenmymomentcame!——whenyoumademebrave!——ah，then，then，then!
GLORIA。Thenyourespectedme，Isuppose。
VALENTINE。No，Ididn\'t:Iadoredyou。Sherisesquicklyandturnsherbackonhim。Andyoucannevertakethatmomentawayfromme。SonowIdon\'tcarewhathappens。Hecomesdowntheroomaddressingacheerfulexplanationtonobodyinparticular。I\'mperfectlyawarethatI\'mtalkingnonsense。Ican\'thelpit。ToMrs。Clandon。IloveGloria；andthere\'sanendofit。
MRS。CLANDONemphatically。Mr。Valentine:youareamostdangerousman。Gloria:comehere。Gloria，wonderingalittleatthecommand，obeys，andstands，withdroopinghead，onhermother\'srighthand，Valentinebeingontheoppositeside。Mrs。Clandonthenbegins，withintensescorn。Askthismanwhomyouhaveinspiredandmadebrave，howmanywomenhaveinspiredhimbeforeGlorialooksupsuddenlywithaflashofjealousangerandamazement；howmanytimeshehaslaidthetrapinwhichhehascaughtyou；howoftenhehasbaiteditwiththesamespeeches；howmuchpracticeithastakentomakehimperfectinhischosenpartinlifeastheDuellistofSex。
VALENTINE。Thisisn\'tfair。You\'reabusingmyconfidence，Mrs。
Clandon。
MRS。CLANDON。Askhim，Gloria。
GLORIAinaflushofrage，goingovertohimwithherfistsclenched。Isthattrue？
VALENTINE。Don\'tbeangry——
GLORIAinterruptinghimimplacably。Isittrue？Didyoueversaythatbefore？Didyoueverfeelthatbefore——foranotherwoman？
VALENTINEbluntly。Yes。Gloriaraisesherclenchedhands。
MRS。CLANDONhorrified，springingtohersideandcatchingherupliftedarm。Gloria!!Mydear!You\'reforgettingyourself。
Gloria，withadeepexpiration，slowlyrelaxesherthreateningattitude。
VALENTINE。Remember:aman\'spowerofloveandadmirationislikeanyotherofhispowers:hehastothrowitawaymanytimesbeforehelearnswhatisreallyworthyofit。
MRS。CLANDON。Anotheroftheoldspeeches，Gloria。Takecare。
VALENTINEremonstrating。Oh!
GLORIAtoMrs。Clandon，withcontemptuousself-possession。DoyouthinkIneedtobewarnednow？ToValentine。Youhavetriedtomakemeloveyou。
VALENTINE。Ihave。
GLORIA。Well，youhavesucceededinmakingmehateyou——
passionately。
VALENTINEphilosophically。It\'ssurprisinghowlittledifferencethereisbetweenthetwo。Gloriaturnsindignantlyawayfromhim。Hecontinues，toMrs。ClandonIknowmenwhosewiveslovethem；andtheygoonexactlylikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme，Mr。Valentine；buthadyounotbettergo？
GLORIA。Youneednotsendhimawayonmyaccount，mother。Heisnothingtomenow；andhewillamuseDollyandPhil。Shesitsdownwithslightingindifference，attheendofthetablenearestthewindow。
VALENTINEgaily。Ofcourse:that\'sthesensiblewayoflookingatit。Come，Mrs。Clandon:youcan\'tquarrelwithamerebutterflylikeme。
MRS。CLANDON。Iverygreatlymistrustyou，Mr。Valentine。ButIdonotliketothinkthatyourunfortunatelevityofdispositionismereshamelessnessandworthlessness；——
GLORIAtoherself，butaloud。Itisshameless；anditisworthless。
MRS。CLANDON——soperhapswehadbettersendforPhilandDollyandallowyoutoendyourvisitintheordinaryway。
VALENTINEasifshehadpaidhimthehighestcompliment。Youoverwhelmme，Mrs。Clandon。Thankyou。Thewaiterenters。
WAITER。Mr。McComas，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Oh，certainly。Bringhimin。
WAITER。Hewishestoseeyouinthereception-room，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Whynothere？
WAITER。Well，ifyouwillexcusemymentioningit，ma\'am，IthinkMr。McComasfeelsthathewouldgetfairerplayifhecouldspeaktoyouawayfromtheyoungermembersofyourfamily，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Tellhimtheyarenothere。
WAITER。Theyarewithinsightofthedoor，ma\'am；andverywatchful，forsomereasonorother。
MRS。CLANDONgoing。Oh，verywell:I\'llgotohim。
WAITERholdingthedooropenforher。Thankyou，ma\'am。Shegoesout。Hecomesbackintotheroom，andmeetstheeyeofValentine，whowantshimtogo。Allright，sir。Onlythetea-things，sir。Takingthetray。Excuseme，sir。Thankyousir。Hegoesout。
VALENTINEtoGloria。Lookhere。Youwillforgiveme，soonerorlater。Forgivemenow。
GLORIArisingtolevelthedeclarationmoreintenselyathim。
Never!Whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns，never，never，never!!!
VALENTINEunabashed。Well，Idon\'tcare。Ican\'tbeunhappyaboutanything。Ishallneverbeunhappyagain，never，never，never，whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns。Thethoughtofyouwillalwaysmakemewildwithjoy。Somequicktauntisonherlips:heinterposesswiftly。
No:Ineversaidthatbefore:that\'snew。
GLORIA。Itwillnotbenewwhenyousayittothenextwoman。
VALENTINE。Oh，don\'t，Gloria，don\'t。Hekneelsatherfeet。
GLORIA。Getup。Getup!Howdareyou？PhilandDolly，racing，asusual，forfirstplace，burstintotheroom。Theycheckthemselvesonseeingwhatispassing。Valentinespringsup。
PHILIPdiscreetly。Ibegyourpardon。Come，Dolly。Heturnstogo。
GLORIAannoyed。Motherwillbebackinamoment，Phil。
Severely。Pleasewaithereforher。Sheturnsawaytothewindow，whereshestandslookingoutwithherbacktothem。
PHILIPsignificantly。Oh，indeed。Hmhm!
DOLLY。Ahah!
PHILIP。Youseeminexcellentspirits，Valentine。
VALENTINE。Iam。Comesbetweenthem。Nowlookhere。Youbothknowwhat\'sgoingon，don\'tyou？Gloriaturnsquickly，asifanticipatingsomefreshoutrage。
DOLLY。Perfectly。
VALENTINE。Well，it\'sallover。I\'vebeenrefused——scorned。I\'monlyhereonsufferance。Youunderstand:it\'sallover。Yoursisterisinnosenseentertainingmyaddresses，orcondescendingtointerestherselfinmeinanyway。Gloria，satisfied，turnsbackcontemptuouslytothewindow。Isthatclear？
DOLLY。Serveyouright。Youwereintoogreatahurry。
PHILIPpattinghimontheshoulder。Nevermind:you\'dneverhavebeenabletocallyoursoulyourownifshe\'dmarriedyou。Youcannowbeginanewchapterinyourlife。
DOLLY。Chapterseventeenorthereabouts，Ishouldimagine。
VALENTINEmuchputoutbythispleasantry。No:don\'tsaythingslikethat。That\'sjustthesortofthoughtlessremarkthatmakesalotofmischief。
DOLLY。Oh，indeed。Hmhm!
PHILIP。Ahah!Hegoestothehearthandplantshimselfthereinhisbesthead-of-the-familyattitude。
McComas，lookingveryserious，comesinquicklywithMrs。Clandon，whosefirstanxietyisaboutGloria。Shelooksroundtoseewheresheis，andisgoingtojoinheratthewindowwhenGloriacomesdowntomeetherwithamarkedairoftrustandaffection。Finally，Mrs。
Clandontakesherformerseat，andGloriapostsherselfbehindit。
McComas，onhiswaytotheottoman，ishailedbyDolly。
DOLLY。Whatcheer，Finch？
McCOMASsternly。Veryseriousnewsfromyourfather，MissClandon。
Veryseriousnewsindeed。Hecrossestotheottoman，andsitsdown。
Dolly，lookingdeeplyimpressed，followshimandsitsbesidehimonhisright。
VALENTINE。PerhapsIhadbettergo。
McCOMAS。Bynomeans，Mr。Valentine。Youaredeeplyconcernedinthis。Valentinetakesachairfromthetableandsitsastrideofit，leaningovertheback，neartheottoman。Mrs。Clandon:yourhusbanddemandsthecustodyofhistwoyoungerchildren，whoarenotofage。
Mrs。Clandon，inquickalarm，looksinstinctivelytoseeifDollyissafe。
DOLLYtouched。Oh，howniceofhim!Helikesus，mamma。
McCOMAS。Iamsorrytohavetodisabuseyouofanysuchidea，MissDorothea。
DOLLYcooingecstatically。Dorothee-ee-ee-a!Nestlingagainsthisshoulder，quiteovercome。Oh，Finch!
McCOMASnervously，movingaway。No，no，no，no!
MRS。CLANDONremonstrating。DearestDolly!ToMcComas。
Thedeedofseparationgivesmethecustodyofthechildren。
McCOMAS。Italsocontainsacovenantthatyouarenottoapproachormolesthiminanyway。
MRS。CLANDON。Well，haveIdoneso？
McCOMAS。Whetherthebehaviorofyouryoungerchildrenamountstolegalmolestationisaquestiononwhichitmaybenecessarytotakecounsel\'sopinion。Atallevents，Mr。Cramptonnotonlyclaimstohavebeenmolested；buthebelievesthathewasbroughtherebyaplotinwhichMr。Valentineactedasyouragent。