McCOMAShorrified。Thewaiter!Stop，stop!Iwillnotpermitthis。I——
WAITERpresentinghimselfbetweenPhilipandMcComas。Yes，sir。
McComas\'scomplexionfadesintostonegrey；andallmovementandexpressiondeserthiseyes。Hesitsdownstupefied。
PHILIP。William:youremembermyrequesttoyoutoregardmeasyourson？
WAITERwithrespectfulindulgence。Yes，sir。Anythingyouplease，sir。
PHILIP。William:attheveryoutsetofyourcareerasmyfather，arivalhasappearedonthescene。
WAITER。Yourrealfather，sir？Well，thatwastobeexpected，soonerorlater，sir，wasn\'tit？TurningwithahappysmiletoMcComas。Isityou，sir？
McCOMASrenervedbyindignation。Certainlynot。Mychildrenknowhowtobehavethemselves。
PHILIP。No，William:thisgentlemanwasverynearlymyfather:hewooedmymother，butwooedherinvain。
McCOMASoutraged。Well，ofallthe——
PHILIP。Sh!Consequently，heisonlyoursolicitor。DoyouknowoneCrampton，ofthistown？
WAITER。Cock-eyedCrampton，sir，oftheCrookedBillet，isit？
PHILIP。Idon\'tknow。Finch:doeshekeepapublichouse？
McCOMASrisingscandalized。No，no，no。Yourfather，sir，isawell-knownyachtbuilder，aneminentmanhere。
WAITERimpressed。Oh，begpardon，sir，I\'msure。AsonofMr。
Crampton\'s!Dearme!
PHILIP。Mr。Cramptoniscomingtolunchwithus。
WAITERpuzzled。Yes，sir。Diplomatically。Don\'tusuallylunchwithhisfamily，perhaps，sir？
PHILIPimpressively。William:hedoesnotknowthatwearehisfamily。Hehasnotseenusforeighteenyears。Hewon\'tknowus。Toemphasizethecommunicationheseatshimselfontheirontablewithaspring，andlooksatthewaiterwithhislipscompressedandhislegsswinging。
DOLLY。Wewantyoutobreakthenewstohim，William。
WAITER。ButIshouldthinkhe\'dguesswhenheseesyourmother，miss。Philip\'slegsbecomemotionlessatthiselucidation。Hecontemplatesthewaiterraptly。
DOLLYdazzled。Ineverthoughtofthat。
PHILIP。NorI。ComingoffthetableandturningreproachfullyonMcComas。Noryou。
DOLLY。Andyouasolicitor!
PHILIP。Finch:Yourprofessionalincompetenceisappalling。
William:yoursagacityputsusalltoshame。
DOLLYYoureallyarelikeShakespear，William。
WAITER。Notatall，sir。Don\'tmentionit，miss。Mosthappy，I\'msure，sir。Goesbackmodestlytotheluncheontableandlaysthetwoadditionalcovers，oneattheendnextthesteps，andtheothersoastomakeathirdonthesidefurthestfromthebalustrade。
PHILIPabruptly。Finch:comeandwashyourhands。Seizeshisarmandleadshimtowardthehotel。
McCOMAS。Iamthoroughlyvexedandhurt，Mr。Clandon——
PHILIPinterruptinghim。Youwillgetusedtous。Come，Dolly。
McComasshakeshimoffandmarchesintothehotel。Philipfollowswithunruffledcomposure。
DOLLYturningforamomentonthestepsasshefollowsthem。Keepyourwitsaboutyou，William。Therewillbefire-works。
WAITER。Right，miss。Youmaydependonme，miss。Shegoesintothehotel。
Valentinecomeslightlyupthestepsfromthebeach，followeddoggedlybyCrampton。Valentinecarriesawalkingstick。Crampton，eitherbecauseheisoldandchilly，orwithsomeideaofextenuatingtheunfashionablenessofhisreeferjacket，wearsalightovercoat。HestopsatthechairleftbyMcComasinthemiddleoftheterrace，andsteadieshimselfforamomentbyplacinghishandonthebackofit。
CRAMPTON。Thosestepsmakemegiddy。Hepasseshishandoverhisforehead。Ihavenotgotoverthatinfernalgasyet。
Hegoestotheironchair，sothathecanleanhiselbowsonthelittletabletoprophisheadashesits。Hesoonrecovers，andbeginstounbuttonhisovercoat。MeanwhileValentineinterviewsthewaiter。
VALENTINE。Waiter!
WAITERcomingforwardbetweenthem。Yes，sir。
VALENTINE。Mrs。LanfreyClandon。
WAITERwithasweetsmileofwelcome。Yes，sir。We\'reexpectingyou，sir。Thatisyourtable，sir。Mrs。Clandonwillbedownpresently，sir。Theyoungladyandyounggentlemanwerejusttalkingaboutyourfriend，sir。
VALENTINE。Indeed!
WAITERsmoothlymelodious。Yes，sire。Greatflowofspirits，sir。Aveinofpleasantry，asyoumightsay，sir。Quickly，toCrampton，whohasrisentogettheovercoatoff。Begpardon，sir，butifyou\'llallowmehelpinghimtogettheovercoatoffandtakingitfromhim。Thankyou，sir。Cramptonsitsdownagain；andthewaiterresumesthebrokenmelody。Theyounggentleman\'slatestisthatyou\'rehisfather，sir。
CRAMPTON。What!
WAITER。Onlyhisjoke，sir，hisfavouritejoke。Yesterday，Iwastobehisfather。To-day，assoonasheknewyouwerecoming，sir，hetriedtoputituponmethatyouwerehisfather，hislonglostfather——
notseenyouforeighteenyears，hesaid。
CRAMPTONstartled。Eighteenyears!
WAITER。Yes，sir。Withgentlearchness。ButIwasuptohistricks，sir。Isawtheideacomingintohisheadashestoodthere，thinkingwhatnewjokehe\'dhavewithme。Yes，sir:that\'sthesortheis:verypleasant，ve——ryoffhandandaffableindeed，sir。AgainchanginghistempotosaytoValentine，whoisputtinghisstickdownagainstthecornerofthegardenseatIfyou\'llallowme，sir？
TakingValentine\'sstick。Thankyou，sir。Valentinestrollsuptotheluncheontableandlooksatthemenu。ThewaiterturnstoCramptonandresumeshislay。Eventhesolicitortookupthejoke，althoughhewasinamannerofspeakinginmyconfidenceabouttheyounggentleman，sir。Yes，sir，Iassureyou，sir。YouwouldneverimaginewhatrespectableprofessionalgentlemenfromLondonwilldoonanouting，whentheseaairtakesthem，sir。
CRAMPTON。Oh，there\'sasolicitorwiththem，isthere？
WAITER。Thefamilysolicitor，sir——yes，sir。NameofMcComas，sir。
Hegoestowardshotelentrancewithcoatandstick，happilyunconsciousofthebomblikeeffectthenamehasproducedonCrampton。
CRAMPTONrisinginangryalarm。McComas!CallstoValentine。
Valentine!Again，fiercely。Valentine!!Valentineturns。Thisisaplant，aconspiracy。Thisismyfamily——mychildren——myinfernalwife。
VALENTINEcoolly。On，indeed!Interestingmeeting!Heresumeshisstudyofthemenu。
CRAMPTON。Meeting!Notforme。Letmeoutofthis。Callingtothewaiter。Givemethatcoat。
WAITER。Yes，sir。Hecomesback，putsValentine\'sstickcarefullydownagainsttheluncheontable；anddelicatelyshakesthecoatoutandholdsitforCramptontoputon。Iseemtohavedonetheyounggentlemananinjustice，sir，haven\'tI，sir。
CRAMPTON。Rrrh!Hestopsonthepointofputtinghisarmsintothesleeves，andturnstoValentinewithsuddensuspicion。Valentine:youareinthis。Youmadethisplot。You——
VALENTINEdecisively。Bosh!Hethrowsthemenudownandgoesroundthetabletolookoutunconcernedlyovertheparapet。
CRAMPTONangrily。Whatd\'ye——McComas，followedbyPhilipandDolly，comesout。HevacillatesforamomentonseeingCrampton。
WAITERsoftly——interruptingCrampton。Steady，sir。Heretheycome，sir。Hetakesupthestickandmakesforthehotel，throwingthecoatacrosshisarm。McComasturnsthecornersofhismouthresolutelydownandcrossestoCrampton，whodrawsbackandglares，withhishandsbehindhim。McComas，withhisbrowopenerthanever，confrontshiminthemajestyofaspotlessconscience。
WAITERaside，ashepassesPhiliponhiswayout。I\'vebrokeittohim，sir。
PHILIP。InvaluableWilliam!Hepassesontothetable。
DOLLYasidetothewaiter。Howdidhetakeit？
WAITERasidetoher。Startledatfirst，miss；butresigned——veryresigned，indeed，miss。Hetakesthestickandcoatintothehotel。
McCOMAShavingstaredCramptonoutofcountenance。Sohereyouare，Mr。Crampton。
CRAMPTON。Yes，here——caughtinatrap——ameantrap。Arethosemychildren？
PHILIPwithdeadlypoliteness。Isthisourfather，Mr。McComas？
McCOMAS。Yes——er——Helosescountenancehimselfandstops。
DOLLYconventionally。Pleasedtomeetyouagain。Shewandersidlyroundthetable，exchangingasmileandawordofgreetingwithValentineontheway。
PHILIP。Allowmetodischargemyfirstdutyashostbyorderingyourwine。Hetakesthewinelistfromthetable。Hispoliteattention，andDolly\'sunconcernedindifference，leaveCramptononthefootingofthecasualacquaintancepickedupthatmorningatthedentist\'s。Theconsciousnessofitgoesthroughthefatherwithsokeenapangthathetremblesallover；hisbrowbecomeswet；andhestaresdumblyathisson，who，justconsciousenoughofhisowncallousnesstointenselyenjoythehumorandadroitnessofit，proceedspleasantly。Finch:somecrustedoldportforyou，asarespectablefamilysolicitor，eh？
McCOMASfirmly。Apollinarisonly。Iprefertotakenothingheating。Hewalksawaytothesideoftheterrace，likeamanputtingtemptationbehindhim。
PHILIP。Valentine——？
VALENTINE。WouldLagerbeconsideredvulgar？
PHILIP。Probably。We\'llordersome。Dollytakesit。TurningtoCramptonwithcheerfulpoliteness。Andnow，Mr。Crampton，whatcanwedoforyou？
CRAMPTON。Whatd\'yemean，boy？
PHILIP。Boy!Verysolemnly。WhosefaultisitthatIamaboy？
Cramptonsnatchesthewinelistrudelyfromhimandirresolutelypretendstoreadit。Philipabandonsittohimwithperfectpoliteness。
DOLLYlookingoverCrampton\'srightshoulder。Thewhisky\'sonthelastpagebutone。
CRAMPTON。Letmealone，child。
DOLLY。Child!No，no:youmaycallmeDollyifyoulike；butyoumustn\'tcallmechild。SheslipsherarmthroughPhilip\'s；andthetwostandlookingatCramptonasifheweresomeeccentricstranger。
CRAMPTONmoppinghisbrowinrageandagony，andyetrelievedevenbytheirplayingwithhim。McComas:weare——ha!——goingtohaveapleasantmeal。
McCOMASpusillanimously。Thereisnoreasonwhyitshouldnotbepleasant。Helooksabjectlygloomy。
PHILIP。Finch\'sfaceisafeastinitself。Mrs。ClandonandGloriacomefromthehotel。Mrs。Clandonadvanceswithcourageousself-
possessionandmarkeddignityofmanner。ShestopsatthefootofthestepstoaddressValentine，whoisinherpath。Gloriaalsostops，lookingatCramptonwithacertainrepulsion。
MRS。CLANDON。Gladtoseeyouagain，Mr。Valentine。Hesmiles。
ShepassesonandconfrontsCrampton，intendingtoaddresshimwithperfectcomposure；buthisaspectshakesher。Shestopssuddenlyandsaysanxiously，withatouchofremorse。Fergus:youaregreatlychanged。
CRAMPTONgrimly。Idaresay。Amandoeschangeineighteenyears。
MRS。CLANDONtroubled。I——Ididnotmeanthat。Ihopeyourhealthisgood。
CRAMPTON。Thankyou。No:it\'snotmyhealth。It\'smyhappiness:
that\'sthechangeyoumeant，Ithink。Breakingoutsuddenly。Lookather，McComas!Lookather；andlookatme!Heuttersahalflaugh，halfsob。
PHILIP。Sh!Pointingtothehotelentrance，wherethewaiterhasjustappeared。OrderbeforeWilliam!
DOLLYtouchingCrampton\'sarmwarninglywithherfinger。
Ahem!Thewaitergoestotheservicetableandbeckonstothekitchenentrance，whenceissueayoungwaiterwithsoupplates，andacook，inwhiteapronandcap，withthesouptureen。Theyoungwaiterremainsandserves:thecookgoesout，andreappearsfromtimetotimebringinginthecourses。Hecarves，butdoesnotserve。Thewaitercomestotheendoftheluncheontablenextthesteps。
MRS。CLANDONastheyallassembleaboutthetable。Ithinkyouhaveallmetoneanotheralreadyto-day。Oh，no，excuseme。
IntroducingMr。Valentine:Mr。McComas。Shegoestotheendofthetablenearestthehotel。Fergus:willyoutaketheheadofthetable，please。
CRAMPTON。Ha!Bitterly。Theheadofthetable!
WAITERholdingthechairforhimwithinoffensiveencouragement。
Thisend，sir。Cramptonsubmits，andtakeshisseat。Thankyou，sir。
MRS。CLANDON。Mr。Valentine:willyoutakethatsideindicatingthesidenearesttheparapetwithGloria？ValentineandGloriataketheirplaces，GlorianextCramptonandValentinenextMrs。Clandon。Finch:I
mustputyouonthisside，betweenDollyandPhil。Youmustprotectyourselfasbestyoucan。Thethreetaketheremainingsideofthetable，Dollynexthermother，Philnexthisfather，andMcComasbetweenthem。Soupisserved。
WAITERtoCrampton。Thickorclear，sir？
CRAMPTONtoMrs。Clandon。Doesnobodyaskablessinginthishousehold？
PHILIPinterposingsmartly。Letusfirstsettlewhatweareabouttoreceive。William!
WAITER。Yes，sir。HeglidesswiftlyroundthetabletoPhil\'sleftelbow。OnhiswayhewhisperstotheyoungwaiterThick。
PHILIP。TwosmallLagersforthechildrenasusual，William；andonelargeforthisgentlemanindicatingValentine。LargeApollinarisforMr。McComas。
WAITER。Yes，sir。
DOLLY。HaveasixofIrishinit，Finch？
McCOMASscandalized。No——no，thankyou。
PHILIP。Number413formymotherandMissGloriaasbefore；and——
turningenquiringlytoCramptonEh？
CRAMPTONscowlingandabouttoreplyoffensively。I——
WAITERstrikinginmellifluously。Allright，sir。WeknowwhatMr。Cramptonlikeshere，sir。Hegoesintothehotel。
PHILIPlookinggravelyathisfather。Youfrequentbars。Badhabit!Thecook，accompaniedbyawaiterwithasupplyofhotplates，bringsinthefishfromthekitchentotheservicetable，andbeginsslicingit。
CRAMPTON。Youhavelearntyourlessonfromyourmother，Isee。
MRS。CLANDON。Phil:willyoupleaserememberthatyourjokesareapttoirritatepeoplewhoarenotaccustomedtous，andthatyourfatherisourguestto-day。
CRAMPTONbitterly。Yes，aguestattheheadofmyowntable。Thesoupplatesareremoved。
DOLLYsympathetically。Yes:it\'sembarrassing，isn\'tit？It\'sjustasbadforus，youknow。
PHILIP。Sh!Dolly:wearebothwantingintact。ToCrampton。Wemeanwell，Mr。Crampton；butwearenotyetstronginthefilialline。
Thewaiterreturnsfromthehotelwiththedrinks。William:comeandrestoregoodfeeling。
WAITERcheerfully。Yes，sir。Certainly，sir。SmallLagerforyou，sir。ToCrampton。SeltzerandIrish，sir。ToMcComas。
Apollinaris，sir。ToDolly。SmallLager，miss。ToMrs。Clandon，pouringoutwine。413，madam。ToValentine。LargeLagerforyou，sir。ToGloria。413，miss。
DOLLYdrinking。Tothefamily!
PHILIP。drinking。HearthandHome!Fishisserved。
McCOMASwithanobviouslyforcedattemptatcheerfuldomesticity。
Wearegettingonverynicelyafterall。
DOLLYcritically。Afterall!Afterallwhat，Finch？
CRAMPTONsarcastically。Hemeansthatyouaregettingonverynicelyinspiteofthepresenceofyourfather。DoItakeyourpointrightly，Mr。McComas？
McCOMASdisconcerted。No，no。Ionlysaid\"afterall\"toroundoffthesentence。I——er——er——er——
WAITERtactfully。Turbot，sir？
McCOMASintenselygratefulfortheinterruption。Thankyou，waiter:thankyou。
WAITERsottovoce。Don\'tmentionit，sir。Hereturnstotheservicetable。
CRAMPTONtoPhil。Haveyouthoughtofchoosingaprofessionyet？
PHILIP。Iamkeepingmymindopenonthatsubject。William!
WAITER。Yes，sir。
PHILIP。Howlongdoyouthinkitwouldtakemetolearntobeareallysmartwaiter？
WAITER。Can\'tbelearnt，sir。It\'sinthecharacter，sir。
ConfidentiallytoValentine，whoislookingaboutforsomething。
Breadforthelady，sir？yes，sir。HeservesbreadtoGloria，andresumesathisformerpitch。Veryfewareborntoit，sir。
PHILIP。Youdon\'thappentohavesuchathingasason，yourself，haveyou？
WAITER。Yes，sir:oh，yes，sir。ToGloria，againdroppinghisvoice。Alittlemorefish，miss？youwon\'tcareforthejointinthemiddleoftheday。
GLORIA。No，thankyou。Thefishplatesareremoved。
DOLLY。Isyoursonawaiter，too，William？
WAITERservingGloriawithfowl。Oh，no，miss，he\'stooimpetuous。
He\'sattheBar。
McCOMASpatronizingly。Apotman，eh？
WAITERwithatouchofmelancholy，asifrecallingadisappointmentsoftenedbytime。No，sir:theotherbar——yourprofession，sir。A
Q。C。，sir。
McCOMASembarrassed。I\'msureIbegyourpardon。
WAITER。Notatall，sir。Verynaturalmistake，I\'msure，sir。I\'veoftenwishedhewasapotman，sir。Wouldhavebeenoffmyhandseversomuchsooner，sir。AsidetoValentine，whoisagainindifficulties。
Saltatyourelbow，sir。Resuming。Yes，sir:hadtosupporthimuntilhewasthirty-seven，sir。Butdoingwellnow，sir:verysatisfactoryindeed，sir。Nothinglessthanfiftyguineas，sir。
McCOMAS。Democracy，Crampton!——moderndemocracy!
WAITERcalmly。No，sir，notdemocracy:onlyeducation，sir。
Scholarships，sir。CambridgeLocal，sir。SidneySussexCollege，sir。
Dollypluckshissleeveandwhispersashebendsdown。Stoneginger，miss？Right，miss。ToMcComas。Verygoodthingforhim，sir:heneverhadanyturnforrealwork，sir。Hegoesintothehotel，leavingthecompanysomewhatoverwhelmedbyhisson\'seminence。
VALENTINE。Whichofusdaregivethatmananorderagain!
DOLLY。Ihopehewon\'tmindmysendinghimforginger-beer。
CRAMPTONdoggedly。Whilehe\'sawaiterit\'shisbusinesstowait。
Ifyouhadtreatedhimasawaiteroughttobetreated，he\'dhaveheldhistongue。
DOLLY。Whatalossthatwouldhavebeen!Perhapshe\'llgiveusanintroductiontohissonandgetusintoLondonsociety。Thewaiterreappearswiththeginger-beer。
CRAMPTONgrowlingcontemptuously。Londonsociety!Londonsociety!!You\'renotfitforanysociety，child。
DOLLYlosinghertemper。Nowlookhere，Mr。Crampton。Ifyouthink——
WAITERsoftly，atherelbow。Stoneginger，miss。
DOLLYtakenaback，recovershergoodhumorafteralongbreathandsayssweetly。Thankyou，dearWilliam。Youwerejustintime。Shedrinks。
McCOMASmakingafreshefforttoleadtheconversationintodispassionateregions。IfImaybeallowedtochangethesubject，MissClandon，whatistheestablishedreligioninMadeira？
GLORIA。IsupposethePortuguesereligion。Ineverinquired。
DOLLY。TheservantscomeinLentandkneeldownbeforeyouandconfessallthethingsthey\'vedone:andyouhavetopretendtoforgivethem。DotheydothatinEngland，William？
WAITER。Notusually，miss。Theymayinsomeparts:butithasnotcomeundermynotice，miss。CatchingMrs。Clandon\'seyeastheyoungwaiteroffersherthesaladbowl。Youlikeitwithoutdressing，ma\'am:
yes，ma\'am，Ihavesomeforyou。Tohisyoungcolleague，motioninghimtoserveGloria。Thisside，Jo。HetakesaspecialportionofsaladfromtheservicetableandputsitbesideMrs。Clandon\'splate。IndoingsoheobservesthatDollyismakingawryface。Onlyabitofwatercress，miss，gotinbymistake。Hetakeshersaladaway。Thankyou，miss。Totheyoungwaiter，admonishinghimtoserveDollyafresh。Jo。Resuming。MostlymembersoftheChurchofEngland，miss。
DOLLY。MembersoftheChurchofEngland!What\'sthesubscription？
CRAMPTONrisingviolentlyamidgeneralconsternation。Youseehowmychildrenhavebeenbroughtup，McComas。Youseeit；youhearit。I
callallofyoutowitness——Hebecomesinarticulate，andisabouttostrikehisfistrecklesslyonthetablewhenthewaiterconsideratelytakesawayhisplate。
MRS。CLANDONfirmly。Sitdown，Fergus。Thereisnooccasionatallforthisoutburst。YoumustrememberthatDollyisjustlikeaforeignerhere。Praysitdown。
CRAMPTONsubsidingunwillingly。IdoubtwhetherIoughttosithereandcountenanceallthis。Idoubtit。
WAITER。Cheese，sir；orwouldyoulikeacoldsweet？
CRAMPTONtakeaback。What？Oh!——cheese，cheese。
DOLLY。Bringaboxofcigarets，William。
WAITER。Allready，miss。HetakesaboxofcigaretsfromtheservicetableandplacesthembeforeDolly，whoselectsoneandpreparestosmoke。Hethenreturnstohistableforaboxofvestas。
CRAMPTONstaringaghastatDolly。Doesshesmoke？
DOLLYoutofpatience。Really，Mr。Crampton，I\'mafraidI\'mspoilingyourlunch。I\'llgoandhavemycigaretonthebeach。Sheleavesthetablewithpetulantsuddennessandgoesdownthesteps。Thewaiterattemptstogiveherthematches；butsheisgonebeforehecanreachher。
CRAMPTONfuriously。Margaret:callthatgirlback。Callherback，Isay。
McCOMAStryingtomakepeace。Come，Crampton:nevermind。She\'sherfather\'sdaughter:that\'sall。
MRS。CLANDONwithdeepresentment。Ihopenot，Finch。Sherises:
theyallrisealittle。Mr。Valentine:willyouexcuseme:IamafraidDollyishurtandputoutbywhathaspassed。Imustgotoher。
CRAMPTON。Totakeherpartagainstme，youmean。
MRS。CLANDONignoringhim。Gloria:willyoutakemyplacewhilstI
amaway，dear。Shecrossestothesteps。Crampton\'seyesfollowherwithbitterhatred。Therestwatchherinembarrassedsilence，feelingtheincidenttobeaverypainfulone。
WAITERinterceptingheratthetopofthestepsandofferingheraboxofvestas。Youngladyforgotthematches，ma\'am。Ifyouwouldbesogood，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDONsurprisedintogratefulpolitenessbythewitcheryofhissweetandcheerfultones。Thankyouverymuch。Shetakesthematchesandgoesdowntothebeach。Thewaitershepherdshisassistantalongwithhimintothehotelbythekitchenentrance，leavingtheluncheonpartytothemselves。
CRAMPTONthrowinghimselfbackinhischair。There\'samotherforyou，McComas!There\'samotherforyou!
GLORIAsteadfastly。Yes:agoodmother。
CRAMPTON。Andabadfather？That\'swhatyoumean，eh？
VALENTINErisingindignantlyandaddressingGloria。MissClandon:
I——
CRAMPTONturningonhim。Thatgirl\'snameisCrampton，Mr。
Valentine，notClandon。Doyouwishtojointhemininsultingme？
VALENTINEignoringhim。I\'moverwhelmed，MissClandon。It\'sallmyfault:Ibroughthimhere:I\'mresponsibleforhim。AndI\'mashamedofhim。
CRAMPTON。Whatd\'y\'mean？
GLORIArisingcoldly。Noharmhasbeendone，Mr。Valentine。Wehaveallbeenalittlechildish，Iamafraid。Ourpartyhasbeenafailure:letusbreakitupandhavedonewithit。Sheputsherchairasideandturnstothesteps，adding，withslightingcomposure，asshepassesCrampton。Good-bye，father。
Shedescendsthestepswithcold，disgustedindifference。Theyalllookafterher，andsodonotnoticethereturnofthewaiterfromthehotel，ladenwithCrampton\'scoat，Valentine\'sstick，acoupleofshawlsandparasols，awhitecanvasumbrella，andsomecampstools。
CRAMPTONtohimself，staringafterGloriawithaghastlyexpression。Father!Father!!Hestrikeshisfistviolentlyonthetable。Now——
WAITERofferingthecoat。Thisisyours，sir，Ithink，sir。
Cramptonglaresathim；thensnatchesitrudelyandcomesdowntheterracetowardsthegardenseat，strugglingwiththecoatinhisangryeffortstoputiton。McComasrisesandgoestohisassistance；thentakeshishatandumbrellafromthelittleirontable，andturnstowardsthesteps。Meanwhilethewaiter，afterthankingCramptonwithunruffledsweetnessfortakingthecoat，offerssomeofhisburdentoPhil。Theladies\'sunshades，sir。Nastyglareofftheseato-day，sir:verytryingtothecomplexion，sir。Ishallcarrydownthecampstoolsmyself，sir。
PHILIP。Youareold，FatherWilliam；butyouarethemostconsiderateofmen。No:keepthesunshadesandgivemethecampstoolstakingthem。
WAITERwithflatteringgratitude。Thankyou，sir。
PHILIP。Finch:sharewithmegivinghimacouple。Comealong。
Theygodownthestepstogether。
VALENTINEtothewaiter。Leavemesomethingtobringdown——oneofthese。Offeringtotakeasunshade。
WAITERdiscreetly。That\'stheyoungerlady\'s，sir。Valentineletsitgo。Thankyou，sir。Ifyou\'llallowme，sir，Ithinkyouhadbetterhavethis。HeputsdownthesunshadesonCrampton\'schair，andproducesfromthetailpocketofhisdresscoat，abookwithalady\'shandkerchiefbetweentheleaves，markingthepage。Theeldestyoungladyisreadingitatpresent。Valentinetakesiteagerly。Thankyou，sir。Schopenhauer，sir，yousee。Hetakesupthesunshadesagain。Veryinterestingauthor，sir:especiallyonthesubjectofladies，sir。Hegoesdownthesteps。Valentine，abouttofollowhim，recollectsCramptonandchangeshismind。
VALENTINEcomingratherexcitedlytoCrampton。Nowlookhere，Crampton:areyouatallashamedofyourself？
CRAMPTONpugnaciously。Ashamedofmyself!Whatfor？
VALENTINE。Forbehavinglikeabear。Whatwillyourdaughterthinkofmeforhavingbroughtyouhere？
CRAMPTON。Iwasnotthinkingofwhatmydaughterwasthinkingofyou。
VALENTINE。No，youwerethinkingofyourself。You\'reaperfectmaniac。
CRAMPTONheartrent。ShetoldyouwhatIam——afather——afatherrobbedofhischildren。Whataretheheartsofthisgenerationlike？
AmItocomehereafteralltheseyears——toseewhatmychildrenareforthefirsttime!toheartheirvoices!——andcarryitallofflikeafashionablevisitor；dropintolunch；beMr。Crampton——MisterCrampton!Whatrighthavetheytotalktomelikethat？I\'mtheirfather:dotheydenythat？I\'maman，withthefeelingsofourcommonhumanity:haveInorights，noclaims？InalltheseyearswhohaveI
hadroundme？Servants，clerks，businessacquaintances。I\'vehadrespectfromthem——aye，kindness。Wouldoneofthemhavespokentomeasthatgirlspoke？——wouldoneofthemhavelaughedatmeasthatboywaslaughingatmeallthetime？Frantically。Myownchildren!
MisterCrampton!My——
VALENTINE。Come，come:they\'reonlychildren。Theonlyoneofthemthat\'sworthanythingcalledyoufather。
CRAMPTONwildly。Yes:\"good-bye，father。\"Oh，yes:shegotatmyfeelings——withastab!
VALENTINEtakingthisinverybadpart。Nowlookhere，Crampton:
youjustletheralone:she\'streatedyouverywell。Ihadamuchworsetimeofitatlunchthanyou。
CRAMPTON。You!
VALENTINEwithgrowingimpetuosity。Yes:I。Isatnexttoher；
andIneversaidasinglethingtoherthewholetime——couldn\'tthinkofablessedword。Andnotaworddidshesaytome。
CRAMPTON。Well？
VALENTINE。Well？Well？？？Tacklinghimveryseriouslyandtalkingfasterandfaster。Crampton:doyouknowwhat\'sbeenthematterwithmeto-day？Youdon\'tsuppose，doyou，thatI\'minthehabitofplayingsuchtricksonmypatientsasIplayedonyou？
CRAMPTON。Ihopenot。
VALENTINE。TheexplanationisthatI\'mstarkmad，orratherthatI\'veneverbeeninmyrealsensesbefore。I\'mcapableofanything:I\'vegrownupatlast:I\'maMan；andit\'syourdaughterthat\'smadeamanofme。
CRAMPTONincredulously。Areyouinlovewithmydaughter？
VALENTINEhiswordsnowcominginaperfecttorrent。Love!
Nonsense:it\'ssomethingfaraboveandbeyondthat。It\'slife，it\'sfaith，it\'sstrength，certainty，paradise——
CRAMPTONinterruptinghimwithacridcontempt。Rubbish，man!Whathaveyoutokeepawifeon？Youcan\'tmarryher。
VALENTINE。Whowantstomarryher？I\'llkissherhands；I\'llkneelatherfeet；I\'llliveforher；I\'lldieforher；andthat\'llbeenoughforme。Lookatherbook!See!Hekissesthehandkerchief。Ifyouofferedmeallyourmoneyforthisexcuseforgoingdowntothebeachandspeakingtoheragain，I\'donlylaughatyou。Herushesbuoyantlyofftothesteps，wherehebouncesrightintothearmsofthewaiter，whoiscomingupformthebeach。Thetwosavethemselvesfromfallingbyclutchingoneanothertightlyroundthewaistandwhirlingoneanotheraround。
WAITERdelicately。Steady，sir，steady。
VALENTINEshockedathisownviolence。Ibegyourpardon。
WAITER。Notatall，sir，notatall。Verynatural，sir，I\'msure，sir，atyourage。Theladyhassentmeforherbook，sir。MightItakethelibertyofaskingyoutoletherhaveitatonce，sir？
VALENTINE。Withpleasure。Andifyouwillallowmetopresentyouwithaprofessionalman\'searningsforsixweeks——offeringhimDolly\'scrownpiece。
WAITERasifthesumwerebeyondhisutmostexpectations。Thankyou，sir:muchobliged。Valentinedashesdownthesteps。Veryhigh-
spiritedyounggentleman，sir:verymanlyandstraightsetup。
CRAMPTONingrumblingdisparagement。Andmakinghisfortuneinahurry，nodoubt。Iknowwhathissixweeks\'earningscometo。Hecrossestheterracetotheirontable，andsitsdown。
WAITERphilosophically。Well，sir，younevercantell。That\'saprincipleinlifewithme，sir，ifyou\'llexcusemyhavingsuchathing，sir。Delicatelysinkingthephilosopherinthewaiterforamoment。
Perhapsyouhaven\'tnoticedthatyouhadn\'ttouchedthatseltzerandIrish，sir，whenthepartybrokeup。Hetakesthetumblerfromtheluncheontable，andsetsifbeforeCrampton。Yes，sir，younevercantell。Therewasmyson，sir!whoeverthoughtthathewouldrisetowearasilkgown，sir？Andyetto-day，sir，nothinglessthanfiftyguineas，sir。Whatalesson，sir!
CRAMPTON。Well，Ihopeheisgratefultoyou，andrecognizeswhatheowesyou。
WAITER。Wegetontogetherverywell，verywellindeed，sir，consideringthedifferenceinourstations。Withanotherofhisirresistibletransitions。Asmalllumpofsugar，sir，willtaketheflatnessoutoftheseltzerwithoutnoticeablysweeteningthedrink，sir。Allowme，sir。Hedropsalumpofsugarintothetumbler。ButasIsaytohim，where\'sthedifferenceafterall？IfImustputonadresscoattoshowwhatIam，sir，hemustputonawigandgowntoshowwhatheis。Ifmyincomeismostlytips，andthere\'sapretencethatI
don\'tgetthem，why，hisincomeismostlyfees，sir；andIunderstandthere\'sapretencethathedon\'tgetthem!Ifhelikessociety，andhisprofessionbringshimintocontactwithallranks，sodoesmine，too，sir。Ifit\'salittleagainstabarristertohaveawaiterforhisfather，sir，it\'salittleagainstawaitertohaveabarristerforason:manypeopleconsideritagreatliberty，sir，Iassureyou，sir。
CanIgetyouanythingelse，sir？
CRAMPTON。No，thankyou。Withbitterhumility。Isupposethat\'snoobjectiontomysittinghereforawhile:Ican\'tdisturbthepartyonthebeachhere。
WAITERwithemotion。Verykindofyou，sir，toputitasifitwasnotacomplimentandanhonourtous，Mr。Crampton，verykindindeed。
Themoreyouareathomehere，sir，thebetterforus。
CRAMPTONinpoignantirony。Home!
WAITERreflectively。Well，yes，sir:that\'sawayoflookingatit，too，sir。Ihavealwayssaidthatthegreatadvantageofahotelisthatit\'sarefugefromhomelife，sir。
CRAMPTON。Imissedthatadvantageto-day，Ithink。
WAITER。Youdid，sir，youdid。Dearme!It\'stheunexpectedthatalwayshappens，isn\'tit？Shakinghishead。Younevercantell，sir:
younevercantell。Hegoesintothehotel。
CRAMPTONhiseyesshininghardlyashepropshisdrawn，miserablefaceonhishands。Home!Home!!Hedropshisarmsonthetableandbowshisheadonthem，butpresentlyhearssomeoneapproachingandhastilysitsboltupright。ItisGloria，whohascomeupthestepsalone，withhersunshadeandherbookinherhands。Helooksdefiantlyather，withthebrutalobstinacyofhismouthandthewistfulnessofhiseyescontradictingeachotherpathetically。Shecomestothecornerofthegardenseatandstandswithherbacktoit，leaningagainsttheendofit，andlookingdownathimasifwonderingathisweakness:toocuriousabouthimtobecold，butsupremelyindifferenttotheirkinship。Well？
GLORIA。Iwanttospeakwithyouforamoment。
CRAMPTONlookingsteadilyather。Indeed？That\'ssurprising。Youmeetyourfatheraftereighteenyears；andyouactuallywanttospeaktohimforamoment!That\'stouching:isn\'tit？Herestshisheadonhishands，andlooksdownandawayfromher，ingloomyreflection。
GLORIA。Allthatiswhatseemstomesononsensical，souncalledfor。Whatdoyouexpectustofeelforyou——todoforyou？Whatisityouwant？Whyareyoulessciviltousthanotherpeopleare？Youareevidentlynotveryfondofus——whyshouldyoube？Butsurelywecanmeetwithoutquarrelling。
CRAMPTONadreadfulgreyshadepassingoverhisface。DoyourealizethatIamyourfather？
GLORIA。Perfectly。
CRAMPTON。Doyouknowwhatisduetomeasyourfather？
GLORIA。Forinstance——？
CRAMPTONrisingasiftocombatamonster。Forinstance!Forinstance!!Forinstance，duty，affection，respect，obedience——
GLORIAquittinghercarelessleaningattitudeandconfrontinghimpromptlyandproudly。Iobeynothingbutmysenseofwhatisright。I
respectnothingthatisnotnoble。Thatismyduty。Sheadds，lessfirmlyAstoaffection，itisnotwithinmycontrol。IamnotsurethatIquiteknowwhataffectionmeans。Sheturnsawaywithanevidentdistasteforthatpartofthesubject，andgoestotheluncheontableforacomfortablechair，puttingdownherbookandsunshade。
CRAMPTONfollowingherwithhiseyes。Doyoureallymeanwhatyouaresaying？
GLORIAturningonhimquicklyandseverely。Excuseme:thatisanuncivilquestion。Iamspeakingseriouslytoyou；andIexpectyoutotakemeseriously。Shetakesoneoftheluncheonchairs；turnsitawayfromthetable；andsitsdownalittlewearily，sayingCanyounotdiscussthismattercoollyandrationally？
CRAMPTON。Coollyandrationally!No，Ican\'t。Doyouunderstandthat？Ican\'t。
GLORIAemphatically。No。ThatIcannotunderstand。Ihavenosympathywith——
CRAMPTONshrinkingnervously。Stop!Don\'tsayanythingmoreyet；
youdon\'tknowwhatyou\'redoing。Doyouwanttodrivememad？Shefrowns，findingsuchpetulanceintolerable。HeaddshastilyNo:I\'mnotangry:indeedI\'mnot。Wait，wait:givemealittletimetothink。
Hestandsforamoment，screwingandclinchinghisbrowsandhandsinhisperplexity；thentakestheendchairfromtheluncheontableandsitsdownbesideher，saying，withatouchingefforttobegentleandpatientNow，IthinkIhaveit。AtleastI\'lltry。
GLORIAfirmly。Yousee!Everythingcomesrightifweonlythinkitresolutelyout。
CRAMPTONinsuddendread。No:don\'tthink。Iwantyoutofeel:
that\'stheonlythingthatcanhelpus。Listen!Doyou——butfirst——I
forgot。What\'syourname？Imeanyoupetname。Theycan\'tverywellcallyouSophronia。
GLORIAwithastonisheddisgust。Sophronia!MynameisGloria。I
amalwayscalledbyit。
CRAMPTONhistemperrisingagain。YournameisSophronia，girl:
youwerecalledafteryourauntSophronia，mysister:shegaveyouyourfirstBiblewithyournamewritteninit。
GLORIA。Thenmymothergavemeanewname。
CRAMPTONangrily。Shehadnorighttodoit。Iwillnotallowthis。
GLORIA。Youhadnorighttogivemeyoursister\'sname。Idon\'tknowher。
CRAMPTON。You\'retalkingnonsense。ThereareboundstowhatIwillputupwith。Iwillnothaveit。Doyouhearthat？
GLORIArisingwarningly。Areyouresolvedtoquarrel？
CRAMPTONterrified，pleading。No，no:sitdown。Sitdown，won\'tyou？Shelooksathim，keepinghiminsuspense。Heforceshimselftouttertheobnoxiousname。Gloria。Shemarkshersatisfactionwithaslighttighteningofthelips，andsitsdown。There!YouseeIonlywanttoshewyouthatIamyourfather，my——mydearchild。Theendearmentissoplaintivelyineptthatshesmilesinspiteofherself，andresignsherselftoindulgehimalittle。Listennow。WhatIwanttoaskyouisthis。Don\'tyouremembermeatall？Youwereonlyatinychildwhenyouweretakenawayfromme；butyoutookplentyofnoticeofthings。Can\'tyouremembersomeonewhomyouloved，orshylyatleastlikedinachildishway？Come!someonewholetyoustayinhisstudyandlookathistoyboats，asyouthoughtthem？Helooksanxiouslyintoherfaceforsomeresponse，andcontinueslesshopefullyandmoreurgentlySomeonewholetyoudoasyoulikedthereandneversaidawordtoyouexcepttotellyouthatyoumustsitstillandnotspeak？
Someonewhowassomethingthatnooneelsewastoyou——whowasyourfather。
GLORIAunmoved。Ifyoudescribethingstome，nodoubtIshallpresentlyimaginethatIrememberthem。ButIreallyremembernothing。
CRAMPTONwistfully。Hasyourmothernevertoldyouanythingaboutme？
GLORIA。Shehasnevermentionedyournametome。Hegroansinvoluntarily。Shelooksathimrathercontemptuouslyandcontinues
Exceptonce；andthenshedidremindmeofsomethingIhadforgotten。
CRAMPTONlookinguphopefully。Whatwasthat？
GLORIAmercilessly。Thewhipyouboughttobeatmewith。
CRAMPTONgnashinghisteeth。Oh!Tobringthatupagainstme!Toturnfromme!Whenyouneedneverhaveknown。Underagrinding，agonizedbreath。Curseher!
GLORIAspringingup。Youwretch!Withintenseemphasis。Youwretch!!Youdarecursemymother!
CRAMPTON。Stop；oryou\'llbesorryafterwards。I\'myourfather。
GLORIA。HowIhatethename!HowIlovethenameofmother!Youhadbettergo。
CRAMPTON。I——I\'mchoking。Youwanttokillme。Some——I——Hisvoicestifles:heisalmostinafit。
GLORIAgoinguptothebalustradewithcool，quickresourcefulness，andcallingovertothebeach。Mr。Valentine!
VALENTINEansweringfrombelow。Yes。
GLORIA。Comehereamoment，please。Mr。Cramptonwantsyou。Shereturnstothetableandpoursoutaglassofwater。
CRAMPTONrecoveringhisspeech。No:letmealone。Idon\'twanthim。I\'mallright，Itellyou。Ineedneitherhishelpnoryours。
Herisesandpullshimselftogether。Asyousay，Ihadbettergo。
Heputsonhishat。Isthatyourlastword？
GLORIA。Ihopeso。Helooksstubbornlyatherforamoment；nodsgrimly，asifheagreedtothat；andgoesintothehotel。Shelooksathimwithequalsteadinessuntilhedisappears，whenshemakesagestureofrelief，andturnstospeaktoValentine，whocomesrunningupthesteps。
VALENTINEpanting。What\'sthematter？Lookinground。Where\'sCrampton？
GLORIA。Gone。Valentine\'sfacelightsupwithsuddenjoy，dread，andmischief。HehasjustrealizedthatheisalonewithGloria。ShecontinuesindifferentlyIthoughthewasill；butherecoveredhimself。Hewouldn\'twaitforyou。Iamsorry。Shegoesforherbookandparasol。
VALENTINE。Somuchthebetter。Hegetsonmynervesafterawhile。
Pretendingtoforgethimself。Howcouldthatmanhavesobeautifuladaughter!
GLORIAtakenabackforamoment；thenansweringhimwithpolitebutintentionalcontempt。Thatseemstobeanattemptatwhatiscalledaprettyspeech。Letmesayatonce，Mr。Valentine，thatprettyspeechesmakeverysicklyconversation。Prayletusbefriends，ifwearetobefriends，inasensibleandwholesomeway。Ihavenointentionofgettingmarried；andunlessyouarecontenttoacceptthatstateofthings，wehadmuchbetternotcultivateeachother\'sacquaintance。
VALENTINEcautiously。Isee。MayIaskjustthisonequestion？
Isyourobjectionanobjectiontomarriageasaninstitution，ormerelyanobjectiontomarryingmepersonally？
GLORIA。Idonotknowyouwellenough，Mr。Valentine，tohaveanyopiniononthesubjectofyourpersonalmerits。Sheturnsawayfromhimwithinfiniteindifference，andsitsdownwithherbookonthegardenseat。Idonotthinktheconditionsofmarriageatpresentaresuchasanyself-respectingwomancanaccept。
VALENTINEinstantlychanginghistoneforoneofcordialsincerity，asifhefranklyacceptedhertermsandwasdelightedandreassuredbyherprinciples。Oh，thenthat\'sapointofsympathybetweenusalready。Iquiteagreewithyou:theconditionsaremostunfair。Hetakesoffhishatandthrowsitgailyontheirontable。