Hehadgrowntaller;butwithhisincreasedheightheseemedleanerthanever。Also,hewasmorenervous。Withthenervousnessincreasedhispeevishnessandirritability。Thechildrenhadlearnedbymanybitterlessonstofightshyofhim。Hismotherrespectedhimforhisearningpower,butsomehowherrespectwastincturedwithfear。
Therewasnojoyousnessinlifeforhim。Theprocessionofthedaysheneversaw。Thenightshesleptawayintwitchingunconsciousness。Therestofthetimeheworked,andhisconsciousnesswasmachineconsciousness。Outsidethishismindwasablank。Hehadnoideals,andbutoneillusion;namely,thathedrankexcellentcoffee。Hewasawork-
beast。Hehadnomentallifewhatever;yetdeepdowninthecryptsofhismind,unknowntohim,werebeingweighedandsiftedeveryhourofhistoil,everymovementofhishands,everytwitchofhismuscles,andpreparationsweremakingforafuturecourseofactionthatwouldamazehimandallhislittleworld。
Itwasinthelatespringthathecamehomefromworkonenightawareofunusualtiredness。Therewasakeenexpectancyintheairashesatdowntothetable,buthedidnotnotice。Hewentthroughthemealinmoodysilence,mechanicallyeatingwhatwasbeforehim。Thechildrenum\'dandah\'dandmadesmackingnoiseswiththeirmouths。Buthewasdeaftothem。
\"D\'yeknowwhatyou\'reeatin\'?\"hismotherdemandedatlast,desperately。
Helookedvacantlyatthedishbeforehim,andvacantlyather。
\"Floatin\'island,\"sheannouncedtriumphantly。
\"Oh,\"hesaid。
\"Floatingisland!\"thechildrenchorussedloudly。
\"Oh,\"hesaid。Andaftertwoorthreemouthfuls,headded,\"IguessI
ain\'thungryto-night。\"
Hedroppedthespoon,shovedbackhischair,andarosewearilyfromthetable。
\"An\'IguessI\'llgotobed。\"
Hisfeetdraggedmoreheavilythanusualashecrossedthekitchenfloor。
UndressingwasaTitan\'stask,amonstrousfutility,andheweptweaklyashecrawledintobed,oneshoestillon。Hewasawareofarising,swellingsomethinginsidehisheadthatmadehisbrainthickandfuzzy。Hisleanfingersfeltasbigashiswrist,whileintheendsofthemwasaremotenessofsensationvagueandfuzzylikehisbrain。Thesmallofhisbackachedintolerably。Allhisbonesached。Heachedeverywhere。Andinhisheadbegantheshrieking,pounding,crashing,roaringofamillionlooms。Allspacewasfilledwithflyingshuttles。Theydartedinandout,intricately,amongstthestars。Heworkedathousandloomshimself,andevertheyspeededup,fasterandfaster,andhisbrainunwound,fasterandfaster,andbecamethethreadthatfedthethousandflyingshuttles。
Hedidnotgotoworknextmorning。Hewastoobusyweavingcolossallyonthethousandloomsthatraninsidehishead。Hismotherwenttowork,butfirstshesentforthedoctor。Itwasasevereattackoflagrippe,hesaid。Jennieservedasnurseandcarriedouthisinstructions。
Itwasaverysevereattack,anditwasaweekbeforeJohnnydressedandtotteredfeeblyacrossthefloor。Anotherweek,thedoctorsaid,andhewouldbefittoreturntowork。TheforemanoftheloomroomvisitedhimonSundayafternoon,thefirstdayofhisconvalescence。Thebestweaverintheroom,theforemantoldhismother。Hisjobwouldbeheldforhim。
HecouldcomebacktoworkaweekfromMonday。
\"Whydon\'tyouthank\'im,Johnny?\"hismotheraskedanxiously。
\"He\'sbenthatsickheain\'thimselfyet,\"sheexplainedapologeticallytothevisitor。
Johnnysathunchedupandgazingsteadfastlyatthefloor。Hesatinthesamepositionlongaftertheforemanhadgone。Itwaswarmoutdoors,andhesatonthestoopintheafternoon。Sometimeshislipsmoved。Heseemedlostinendlesscalculations。
Nextmorning,afterthedaygrewwarm,hetookhisseatonthestoop。Hehadpencilandpaperthistimewithwhichtocontinuehiscalculations,andhecalculatedpainfullyandamazingly。
\"Whatcomesaftermillions?\"heaskedatnoon,whenWillcamehomefromschool。\"An\'howd\'yework\'em?\"
Thatafternoonfinishedhistask。Eachday,butwithoutpaperandpencil,hereturnedtothestoop。Hewasgreatlyabsorbedintheonetreethatgrewacrossthestreet。Hestudieditforhoursatatime,andwasunusuallyinterestedwhenthewindswayeditsbranchesandfluttereditsleaves。Throughouttheweekheseemedlostinagreatcommunionwithhimself。OnSunday,sittingonthestoop,helaughedaloud,severaltimes,totheperturbationofhismother,whohadnotheardhimlaughforyears。
Nextmorning,intheearlydarkness,shecametohisbedtorousehim。Hehadhadhisfillofsleepalltheweek,andawokeeasily。Hemadenostruggle,nordidheattempttoholdontothebeddingwhenshestrippeditfromhim。Helayquietly,andspokequietly。
\"Itain\'tnouse,ma。\"
\"You\'llbelate,\"shesaid,undertheimpressionthathewasstillstupidwithsleep。
\"I\'mawake,ma,an\'Itellyouitain\'tnouse。Youmightaswelllemmealone。Iain\'tgoin\'togitup。\"
\"Butyou\'llloseyourjob!\"shecried。
\"Iain\'tgoin\'togitup,\"herepeatedinastrange,passionlessvoice。
Shedidnotgotoworkherselfthatmorning。Thiswassicknessbeyondanysicknessshehadeverknown。Feveranddeliriumshecouldunderstand;butthiswasinsanity。ShepulledthebeddingupoverhimandsentJennieforthedoctor。
Whenthatpersonarrived,Johnnywassleepinggently,andgentlyheawokeandallowedhispulsetobetaken。
\"Nothingthematterwithhim,\"thedoctorreported。\"Badlydebilitated,that\'sall。Notmuchmeatonhisbones。\"
\"He\'salwaysbeenthatway,\"hismothervolunteered。
\"Nowgo\'way,ma,an\'letmefinishmysnooze。\"
Johnnyspokesweetlyandplacidly,andsweetlyandplacidlyherolledoveronhissideandwenttosleep。
Atteno\'clockheawokeanddressedhimself。Hewalkedoutintothekitchen,wherehefoundhismotherwithafrightenedexpressiononherface。
\"I\'mgoin\'away,ma,\"heannounced,\"an\'Ijes\'wanttosaygood-bye。\"
Shethrewherapronoverherheadandsatdownsuddenlyandwept。Hewaitedpatiently。
\"Imighta-knownit,\"shewassobbing。
\"Where?\"shefinallyasked,removingtheapronfromherheadandgazingupathimwithastrickenfaceinwhichtherewaslittlecuriosity。
\"Idon\'tknow——anywhere。\"
Ashespoke,thetreeacrossthestreetappearedwithdazzlingbrightnessonhisinnervision。Itseemedtolurkjustunderhiseyelids,andhecouldseeitwheneverhewished。
\"An\'yourjob?\"shequavered。
\"Iain\'tnevergoin\'toworkagain。\"
\"MyGod,Johnny!\"shewailed,\"don\'tsaythat!\"
Whathehadsaidwasblasphemytoher。AsamotherwhohearsherchilddenyGod,wasJohnny\'smothershockedbyhiswords。
\"What\'sgotintoyou,anyway?\"shedemanded,withalameattemptatimperativeness。
\"Figures,\"heanswered。\"Jes\'figures。I\'vebendoin\'alotoffigurin\'
thisweek,an\'it\'smostsurprisin\'。\"
\"Idon\'tseewhatthat\'sgottodowithit,\"shesniffled。
Johnnysmiledpatiently,andhismotherwasawareofadistinctshockatthepersistentabsenceofhispeevishnessandirritability。
\"I\'llshowyou,\"hesaid。\"I\'mplum\'tiredout。Whatmakesmetired?
Moves。I\'vebenmovin\'eversinceIwasborn。I\'mtiredofmovin\',an\'I
ain\'tgoin\'tomoveanymore。RememberwhenIworkedintheglass-house?
Iusedtodothreehundreddozenaday。NowIreckonImadeabouttendifferentmovestoeachbottle。That\'sthirty-sixthousan\'movesaday。
Tendays,threehundredan\'sixtythousan\'moves。Onemonth,onemillionan\'eightythousan\'moves。Chuckouttheeightythousan\'\"——hespokewiththecomplacentbeneficenceofaphilanthropist——\"chuckouttheeightythousan\',thatleavesamillionmovesamonth——twelvemillionmovesayear。
\"AttheloomsI\'mmovin\'twic\'stasmuch。Thatmakestwenty-fivemillionmovesayear,an\'itseemstomeI\'vebenamovin\'thatway\'mostamillionyears。
\"NowthisweekIain\'tmovedatall。Iain\'tmadeonemoveinhoursan\'
hours。Itellyouitwasswell,jes\'settin\'there,hoursan\'hours,an\'
doin\'nothin\'。Iain\'tneverbenhappybefore。Ineverhadanytime。
I\'vebenmovin\'allthetime。Thatain\'tnowaytobehappy。An\'Iain\'tgoingtodoitanymore。I\'mjes\'goin\'toset,an\'set,an\'rest,an\'
rest,andthenrestsomemore。\"
\"Butwhat\'sgoin\'tocomeofWillan\'thechildren?\"sheaskeddespairingly。
\"That\'sit,\'Willan\'thechildren,\'\"herepeated。
Buttherewasnobitternessinhisvoice。Hehadlongknownhismother\'sambitionfortheyoungerboy,butthethoughtofitnolongerrankled。
Nothingmatteredanymore。Noteventhat。
\"Iknow,ma,whatyou\'vebenplannin\'forWill——keepin\'himinschooltomakeabook-keeperoutofhim。Butitain\'tnouse,I\'vequit。He\'sgottogotowork。\"
\"An\'afterIhavebrungyouupthewayIhave,\"shewept,startingtocoverherheadwiththeapronandchanginghermind。
\"Youneverbrungmeup,\"heansweredwithsadkindliness。\"Ibrungmyselfup,ma,an\'IbrungupWill。He\'sbigger\'nme,an\'heavier,an\'taller。
WhenIwasakid,IreckonIdidn\'tgitenoughtoeat。Whenhecomealongan\'wasakid,Iwasworkin\'an\'earnin\'grubforhimtoo。Butthat\'sdonewith。Willcangotowork,sameasme,orhecangotohell,Idon\'tcarewhich。I\'mtired。I\'mgoin\'now。Ain\'tyougoin\'tosaygoodbye?\"
Shemadenoreply。Theapronhadgoneoverherheadagain,andshewascrying。Hepausedamomentinthedoorway。
\"I\'msureIdonethebestIknewhow,\"shewassobbing。
Hepassedoutofthehouseanddownthestreet。Awandelightcameintohisfaceatthesightofthelonetree。\"Jes\'ain\'tgoin\'todonothin\',\"
hesaidtohimself,halfaloud,inacrooningtone。Heglancedwistfullyupatthesky,butthebrightsundazzledandblindedhim。
Itwasalongwalkhetook,andhedidnotwalkfast。Ittookhimpastthejute-mill。Themuffledroaroftheloomroomcametohisears,andhesmiled。Itwasagentle,placidsmile。Hehatednoone,noteventhepounding,shriekingmachines。Therewasnobitternessinhim,nothingbutaninordinatehungerforrest。
Thehousesandfactoriesthinnedoutandtheopenspacesincreasedasheapproachedthecountry。Atlastthecitywasbehindhim,andhewaswalkingdownaleafylanebesidetherailroadtrack。Hedidnotwalklikeaman。Hedidnotlooklikeaman。Hewasatravestyofthehuman。Itwasatwistedandstuntedandnamelesspieceoflifethatshambledlikeasicklyape,armsloose-hanging,stoop-shouldered,narrow-chested,grotesqueandterrible。
Hepassedbyasmallrailroadstationandlaydowninthegrassunderatree。Allafternoonhelaythere。Sometimeshedozed,withmusclesthattwitchedinhissleep。Whenawake,helaywithoutmovement,watchingthebirdsorlookingupattheskythroughthebranchesofthetreeabovehim。
Onceortwicehelaughedaloud,butwithoutrelevancetoanythinghehadseenorfelt。
Aftertwilighthadgone,inthefirstdarknessofthenight,afreighttrainrumbledintothestation。Whentheenginewasswitchingcarsontotheside-track,Johnnycreptalongthesideofthetrain。Hepulledopentheside-doorofanemptybox-carandawkwardlyandlaboriouslyclimbedin。
Heclosedthedoor。Theenginewhistled。Johnnywaslyingdown,andinthedarknesshesmiled。
AWICKEDWOMAN
ItwasbecauseshehadbrokenwithBillythatLorettahadcomevisitingtoSantaClara。Billycouldnotunderstand。Hissisterhadreportedthathehadwalkedthefloorandcriedallnight。Lorettahadnotsleptallnighteither,whileshehadweptmostofthenight。Daisyknewthis,becauseitwasinherarmsthattheweepinghadbeendone。AndDaisy\'shusband,CaptainKitt,knew,too。ThetearsofLoretta,andthecomfortingbyDaisy,hadlosthimsomesleep。
NowCaptainKittdidnotliketolosesleep。NeitherdidhewantLorettatomarryBilly——noranybodyelse。ItwasCaptainKitt\'sbeliefthatDaisyneededthehelpofheryoungersisterinthehousehold。Buthedidnotsaythisaloud。Instead,healwaysinsistedthatLorettawastooyoungtothinkofmarriage。SoitwasCaptainKitt\'sideathatLorettashouldbepackedoffonavisittoMrs。Hemingway。Therewouldn\'tbeanyBillythere。
BeforeLorettahadbeenatSantaClaraaweek,shewasconvincedthatCaptainKitt\'sideawasagoodone。Inthefirstplace,thoughBillywouldn\'tbelieveit,shedidnotwanttomarryBilly。Andinthesecondplace,thoughCaptainKittwouldn\'tbelieveit,shedidnotwanttoleaveDaisy。BythetimeLorettahadbeenatSantaClaratwoweeks,shewasabsolutelycertainthatshedidnotwanttomarryBilly。ButshewasnotsosureaboutnotwantingtoleaveDaisy。NotthatshelovedDaisyless,butthatshe——haddoubts。
ThedayofLoretta\'sarrival,anebulousplanbeganshapingitselfinMrs。
Hemingway\'sbrain。TheseconddaysheremarkedtoJackHemingway,herhusband,thatLorettawassoinnocentayoungthingthatwereitnotforhersweetguilelessnessshewouldbepositivelystupid。Inproofofwhich,Mrs。Hemingwaytoldherhusbandseveralthingsthatmadehimchuckle。BythethirddayMrs。Hemingway\'splanhadtakenrecognizableform。Thenitwasthatshecomposedaletter。Ontheenvelopeshewrote:\"Mr。EdwardBashford,AthenianClub,SanFrancisco。\"
\"DearNed,\"theletterbegan。Shehadoncebeenviolentlylovedbyhimforthreeweeksinherpre-maritaldays。ButshehadcovenantedherselftoJackHemingway,whohadpriorclaims,andherheartaswell;andNedBashfordhadphilosophicallynotbrokenhisheartoverit。Hemerelyaddedtheexperiencetoalargefundofsimilarlycollecteddataoutofwhichhemanufacturedphilosophy。ArtisticallyandtemperamentallyhewasaGreek——
atiredGreek。HewasfondofquotingfromNietzsche,intokenthathe,too,hadpassedthroughthelongsicknessthatfollowsupontheardentsearchfortruth;thathetoohademerged,tooexperienced,tooshrewd,tooprofound,everagaintobeafflictedbythemadnessofyouthsintheirloveoftruth。\"\'Toworshipappearance,\'\"heoftenquoted;\"\'tobelieveinforms,intones,inwords,inthewholeOlympusofappearance!\'\"Thisparticularexcerpthealwaysconcludedwith,\"\'ThoseGreeksweresuperficial——OUTOFPROFUNDITY!\'\"
HewasafairlyyoungGreek,jadedandworn。Womenwerefaithlessandunveracious,heheld——atsuchtimesthathehadrelapsesanddescendedtopessimismfromhiswontedhighphilosophicalcalm。Hedidnotbelieveinthetruthofwomen;but,faithfultohisGermanmaster,hedidnotstripfromthemtheairygauzesthatveiledtheiruntruth。Hewascontenttoacceptthemasappearancesandtomakethebestofit。Hewassuperficial——
OUTOFPROFUNDITY。
\"Jacksaystobesuretosaytoyou,\'goodswimming,\'\"Mrs。Hemingwaywroteinherletter;\"andalso\'tobringyourfishingdudsalong。\'\"Mrs。
Hemingwaywroteotherthingsintheletter。Shetoldhimthatatlastshewaspreparedtoexhibittohimanabsolutelytrue,unsullied,andinnocentwoman。\"Amoreguileless,immaculatebudofwomanhoodneverblushedontheplanet,\"wasoneoftheseveralwaysinwhichshephrasedtheinducement。
Andtoherhusbandshesaidtriumphantly,\"IfIdon\'tmarryNedoffthistime——\"leavingunstatedtheterriblealternativethatshelackedeithervocabularytoexpressorimaginationtoconceive。
Contrarytoallherforebodings,LorettafoundthatshewasnotunhappyatSantaClara。Truly,Billywrotetohereveryday,buthisletterswerelessdistressingthanhispresence。Also,theordealofbeingawayfromDaisywasnotsosevereasshehadexpected。ForthefirsttimeinherlifeshewasnotlostineclipseintheblazeofDaisy\'sbrilliantandmaturepersonality。UndersuchfavourablecircumstancesLorettacamerapidlytothefront,whileMrs。Hemingwaymodestlyandshamelesslyretreatedintothebackground。
Lorettabegantodiscoverthatshewasnotapaleorbshiningbyreflection。Quiteunconsciouslyshebecameasmallcentreofthings。Whenshewasatthepiano,therewassomeonetoturnthepagesforherandtoexpresspreferencesforcertainsongs。Whenshedroppedherhandkerchief,therewassomeonetopickitup。Andtherewassomeonetoaccompanyherinramblingsandflowergatherings。Also,shelearnedtocastfliesinstillpoolsandbelowsavageriffles,andhownottoentanglesilklinesandgut-leaderswiththeshrubbery。
JackHemingwaydidnotcaretoteachbeginners,andfishedmuchbyhimself,ornotatall,thusgivingNedBashfordampletimeinwhichtoconsiderLorettaasanappearance。Assuch,shewasallthathisphilosophydemanded。Herblueeyeshadthedirectgazeofaboy,andoutofhisprofundityhedelightedinthemandforboretoshudderattheduplicityhisphilosophybadehimtobelievelurkedintheirdepths。Shehadthegraceofaslenderflower,thefragilityofcolourandlineoffinechina,inallofwhichhepleasuredgreatly,withoutthoughtoftheLifeForcepalpitatingbeneathandinspiteofBernardShaw——inwhomhebelieved。
Lorettaburgeoned。Sheswiftlydevelopedpersonality。ShediscoveredawillofherownandwishesofherownthatwerenoteverlastinglyentwinedwiththewillandthewishesofDaisy。ShewaspettedbyJackHemingway,spoiledbyAliceHemingway,anddevotedlyattendedbyNedBashford。Theyencouragedherwhimsandlaughedatherfollies,whileshedevelopedtheprettylittletyranniesthatarelatentinallprettyanddelicatewomen。
HerenvironmentactedasasoporificuponherancientdesirealwaystolivewithDaisy。ThisdesirenolongerproddedherasinthedaysofhercompanionshipwithBilly。ThemoreshesawofBilly,themorecertainshehadbeenthatshecouldnotliveawayfromDaisy。ThemoreshesawofNedBashford,themoresheforgotherpressingneedofDaisy。
NedBashfordlikewisedidsomeforgetting。Heconfusedsuperficialitywithprofundity,andentangledappearancewithrealityuntilheaccountedthemone。Lorettawasdifferentfromotherwomen。Therewasnomasqueradeabouther。Shewasreal。HesaidasmuchtoMrs。Hemingway,andmore,whoagreedwithhimandatthesametimecaughtherhusband\'seyeliddroopingdownforthemomentinanunmistakablewink。
ItwasatthistimethatLorettareceivedaletterfromBillythatwassomewhatdifferentfromhisothers。Inthemain,likeallhisletters,itwaspathological。Itwasalongrecitalofsymptomsandsufferings,hisnervousness,hissleeplessness,andthestateofhisheart。Thenfollowedreproaches,suchashehadnevermadebefore。Theyweresharpenoughtomakeherweep,andtrueenoughtoputtragedyintoherface。Thistragedyshecarrieddowntothebreakfasttable。ItmadeJackandMrs。Hemingwayspeculative,anditworriedNed。Theyglancedtohimforexplanation,butheshookhishead。
\"I\'llfindoutto-night,\"Mrs。Hemingwaysaidtoherhusband。
ButNedcaughtLorettaintheafternooninthebigliving-room。Shetriedtoturnaway。Hecaughtherhands,andshefacedhimwithwetlashesandtremblinglips。Helookedather,silentlyandkindly。Thelashesgrewwetter。
\"There,there,don\'tcry,littleone,\"hesaidsoothingly。
Heputhisarmprotectinglyaroundhershoulder。Andtohisshoulder,likeatiredchild,sheturnedherface。HethrilledinwaysunusualforaGreekwhohasrecoveredfromthelongsickness。
\"Oh,Ned,\"shesobbedonhisshoulder,\"ifyouonlyknewhowwickedIam!\"
Hesmiledindulgently,andbreathedinagreatbreathfreightedwiththefragranceofherhair。Hethoughtofhisworld-experienceofwomen,anddrewanotherlongbreath。Thereseemedtoemanatefromhertheperfectsweetnessofachild——\"theauraofawhitesoul,\"wasthewayhephrasedittohimself。
Thenhenoticedthathersobswereincreasing。
\"What\'sthematter,littleone?\"heaskedpettinglyandalmostpaternally。
\"HasJackbeenbullyingyou?Orhasyourdearlybelovedsisterfailedtowrite?\"
Shedidnotanswer,andhefeltthathereallymustkissherhair,thathecouldnotberesponsibleifthesituationcontinuedmuchlonger。
\"Tellme,\"hesaidgently,\"andwe\'llseewhatIcando。\"
\"Ican\'t。Youwilldespiseme——Oh,Ned,Iamsoashamed!\"
Helaughedincredulously,andlightlytouchedherhairwithhislips——solightlythatshedidnotknow。
\"Dearlittleone,letusforgetallaboutit,whateveritis。IwanttotellyouhowIlove——\"
Sheutteredasharpcrythatwasalldelight,andthenmoaned——
\"Toolate!\"
\"Toolate?\"heechoedinsurprise。
\"Oh,whydidI?WhydidI?\"shewasmoaning。
Hewasawareofaswiftchillathisheart。
\"What?\"heasked。
\"Oh,I……he……Billy。
\"Iamsuchawickedwoman,Ned。Iknowyouwillneverspeaktomeagain。\"
\"This——er——thisBilly,\"hebeganhaltingly。\"Heisyourbrother?\"
\"No……he……Ididn\'tknow。Iwassoyoung。Icouldnothelpit。
Oh,Ishallgomad!Ishallgomad!\"
ItwasthenthatLorettafelthisshoulderandtheencirclingarmbecomelimp。Hedrewawayfromhergently,andgentlyhedepositedherinabigchair,wheresheburiedherfaceandsobbedafresh。Hetwistedhismoustachefiercely,thendrewupanotherchairandsatdown。
\"I——Idonotunderstand,\"hesaid。
\"Iamsounhappy,\"shewailed。
\"Whyunhappy?\"
\"Because……he……hewantsmetomarryhim。\"
Hisfaceclearedontheinstant,andheplacedahandsoothinglyonhers。
\"Thatshouldnotmakeanygirlunhappy,\"heremarkedsagely。\"Becauseyoudon\'tlovehimisnoreason——ofcourse,youdon\'tlovehim?\"
Lorettashookherheadandshouldersinavigorousnegative。
\"What?\"
Bashfordwantedtomakesure。
\"No,\"sheassertedexplosively。\"Idon\'tloveBilly!Idon\'twanttoloveBilly!\"
\"Becauseyoudon\'tlovehim,\"Bashfordresumedwithconfidence,\"isnoreasonthatyoushouldbeunhappyjustbecausehehasproposedtoyou。\"
Shesobbedagain,andfromthemidstofhersobsshecried——
\"That\'sthetrouble。IwishIdidlovehim。Oh,IwishIweredead!\"
\"Now,mydearchild,youareworryingyourselfovertrifles。\"Hisotherhandcrossedoverafteritsmateandrestedonhers。\"Womendoiteveryday。Becauseyouhavechangedyourmindordidnotknowyourmind,becauseyouhave——touseanunnecessarilyharshword——jiltedaman——\"
\"Jilted!\"Shehadraisedherheadandwaslookingathimwithtear-dimmedeyes。\"Oh,Ned,ifthatwereall!\"
\"All?\"heaskedinahollowvoice,whilehishandsslowlyretreatedfromhers。Hewasabouttospeakfurther,thenremainedsilent。
\"ButIdon\'twanttomarryhim,\"Lorettabrokeforthprotestingly。
\"ThenIshouldn\'t,\"hecounselled。
\"ButIoughttomarryhim。\"
\"OUGHTtomarryhim?\"
Shenodded。
\"Thatisastrongword。\"
\"Iknowitis,\"sheacquiesced,whileshestrovetocontrolhertremblinglips。Thenshespokemorecalmly。\"Iamawickedwoman,aterriblywickedwoman。NooneknowshowwickedIam——exceptBilly。\"
Therewasapause。NedBashford\'sfacewasgrave,andhelookedqueerlyatLoretta。
\"He——Billyknows?\"heaskedfinally。
Areluctantnodandflamingcheekswasthereply。
Hedebatedwithhimselfforawhile,seeming,likeadiver,tobepreparinghimselffortheplunge。
\"Tellmeaboutit。\"Hespokeveryfirmly。\"Youmusttellmeallofit。\"
\"Andwillyou——ever——forgiveme?\"sheaskedinafaint,smallvoice。
Hehesitated,drewalongbreath,andmadetheplunge。
\"Yes,\"hesaiddesperately。\"I\'llforgiveyou。Goahead。\"
\"Therewasnoonetotellme,\"shebegan。\"Wewerewitheachothersomuch。Ididnotknowanythingoftheworld——then。\"
Shepausedtomeditate。Bashfordwasbitinghislipimpatiently。
\"IfIhadonlyknown——\"
Shepausedagain。
\"Yes,goon,\"heurged。
\"Weweretogetheralmosteveryevening。\"
\"Billy?\"hedemanded,withasavagenessthatstartledher。
\"Yes,ofcourse,Billy。Wewerewitheachothersomuch……IfIhadonlyknown……Therewasnoonetotellme……Iwassoyoung——\"
Herlipspartedasthoughtospeakfurther,andsheregardedhimanxiously。
\"Thescoundrel!\"
WiththeexplosionNedBashfordwasonhisfeet,nolongeratiredGreek,butaviolentlyangryyoungman。
\"Billyisnotascoundrel;heisagoodman,\"Lorettadefended,withafirmnessthatsurprisedBashford。
\"Isupposeyou\'llbetellingmenextthatitwasallyourfault,\"hesaidsarcastically。
Shenodded。
\"What?\"heshouted。
\"Itwasallmyfault,\"shesaidsteadily。\"Ishouldneverhavelethim。I
wastoblame。\"
Bashfordceasedfromhispacingupanddown,andwhenhespoke,hisvoicewasresigned。
\"Allright,\"hesaid。\"Idon\'tblameyouintheleast,Loretta。Andyouhavebeenveryhonest。ButBillyisright,andyouarewrong。Youmustgetmarried。\"
\"ToBilly?\"sheasked,inadim,far-awayvoice。
\"Yes,toBilly。I\'llseetoit。Wheredoeshelive?I\'llmakehim。\"
\"ButIdon\'twanttomarryBilly!\"shecriedoutinalarm。\"Oh,Ned,youwon\'tdothat?\"
\"Ishall,\"heansweredsternly。\"Youmust。AndBillymust。Doyouunderstand?\"
Lorettaburiedherfaceinthecushionedchairback,andbrokeintoapassionatestormofsobs。
AllthatBashfordcouldmakeoutatfirst,ashelistened,was:\"ButI
don\'twanttoleaveDaisy!Idon\'twanttoleaveDaisy!\"
Hepacedgrimlybackandforth,thenstoppedcuriouslytolisten。
\"HowwasItoknow?——Boo——hoo,\"Lorettawascrying。\"Hedidn\'ttellme。
Nobodyelseeverkissedme。Ineverdreamedakisscouldbesoterrible……until,boo-hoo……untilhewrotetome。Ionlygottheletterthismorning。\"
Hisfacebrightened。Itseemedasthoughlightwasdawningonhim。
\"Isthatwhatyou\'recryingabout?\"
\"N——no。\"
Hisheartsank。
\"Thenwhatareyoucryingabout?\"heaskedinahopelessvoice。
\"BecauseyousaidIhadtomarryBilly。AndIdon\'twanttomarryBilly。
Idon\'twanttoleaveDaisy。Idon\'tknowwhatIwant。IwishIweredead。\"
Henervedhimselfforanothereffort。
\"Nowlookhere,Loretta,besensible。Whatisthisaboutkisses。Youhaven\'ttoldmeeverything?\"
\"I——Idon\'twanttotellyoueverything。\"
Shelookedathimbeseechinglyinthesilencethatfell。
\"MustI?\"shequaveredfinally。
\"Youmust,\"hesaidimperatively。\"Youmusttellmeeverything。\"
\"Well,then……mustI?\"
\"Youmust。\"
\"He……I……we……\"shebeganflounderingly。Thenblurtedout,\"I
lethim,andhekissedme。\"
\"Goon,\"Bashfordcommandeddesperately。
\"That\'sall,\"sheanswered。
\"All?\"Therewasavastincredulityinhisvoice。
\"All?\"Inhervoicewasaninterrogationnolessvast。
\"Imean——er——nothingworse?\"Hewasoverwhelminglyawareofhisownawkwardness。
\"Worse?\"Shewasfranklypuzzled。\"Asthoughtherecouldbe!Billysaid——
\"
\"Whendidhesayit?\"Bashforddemandedabruptly。
\"InhisletterIgotthismorning。Billysaidthatmy……our……ourkisseswereterribleifwedidn\'tgetmarried。\"
Bashford\'sheadwasswimming。
\"WhatelsedidBillysay?\"heasked。
\"Hesaidthatwhenawomanallowedamantokissher,shealwaysmarriedhim——thatitwasterribleifshedidn\'t。Itwasthecustom,hesaid;andI
sayitisabad,wickedcustom,andIdon\'tlikeit。IknowI\'mterrible,\"
sheaddeddefiantly,\"butIcan\'thelpit。\"
Bashfordabsent-mindedlybroughtoutacigarette。
\"DoyoumindifIsmoke?\"heasked,ashestruckamatch。
Thenhecametohimself。
\"Ibegyourpardon,\"hecried,flingingawaymatchandcigarette。\"Idon\'twanttosmoke。Ididn\'tmeanthatatall。WhatImeanis——\"
HebentoverLoretta,caughtherhandsinhis,thensatonthearmofthechairandsoftlyputonearmaroundher。
\"Loretta,Iamafool。Imeanit。AndImeansomethingmore。Iwantyoutobemywife。\"
Hewaitedanxiouslyinthepausethatfollowed。
\"Youmightanswerme,\"heurged。
\"Iwill……if——\"
\"Yes,goon。Ifwhat?\"
\"IfIdon\'thavetomarryBilly。\"
\"Youcan\'tmarrybothofus,\"healmostshouted。
\"Anditisn\'tthecustom……what……whatBillysaid?\"
\"No,itisn\'tthecustom。Now,Loretta,willyoumarryme?\"
\"Don\'tbeangrywithme,\"shepouteddemurely。
Hegatheredherintohisarmsandkissedher。
\"Iwishitwerethecustom,\"shesaidinafaintvoice,fromthemidstoftheembrace,\"becausethenI\'dhavetomarryyou,Neddear……wouldn\'tI?\"
JUSTMEAT
Hestrolledtothecornerandglancedupanddowntheintersectingstreet,butsawnothingsavetheoasesoflightshedbythestreetlampsatthesuccessivecrossings。Thenhestrolledbackthewayhehadcome。Hewasashadowofaman,slidingnoiselesslyandwithoutunduemovementthroughthesemi-darkness。Alsohewasveryalert,likeawildanimalinthejungle,keenlyperceptiveandreceptive。Themovementofanotherinthedarknessabouthimwouldneedtohavebeenmoreshadowythanhetohaveescapedhim。
Inadditiontotherunningadvertisementofthestateofaffairscarriedtohimbyhissenses,hehadasubtlerperception,aFEEL,oftheatmospherearoundhim。Heknewthatthehouseinfrontofwhichhepausedforamoment,containedchildren。Yetbynowilledeffortofperceptiondidhehavethisknowledge。Forthatmatter,hewasnotevenawarethatheknew,sooccultwastheimpression。Yet,didamomentariseinwhichaction,inrelationtothathouse,wereimperative,hewouldhaveactedontheassumptionthatitcontainedchildren。Hewasnotawareofallthatheknewabouttheneighbourhood。
Inthesameway,heknewnothow,heknewthatnodangerthreatenedinthefootfallsthatcameupthecrossstreet。Beforehesawthewalker,heknewhimforabelatedpedestrianhurryinghome。Thewalkercameintoviewatthecrossinganddisappearedonupthestreet。Themanthatwatched,notedalightthatflaredupinthewindowofahouseonthecorner,andasitdieddownheknewitforanexpiringmatch。Thiswasconsciousidentificationoffamiliarphenomena,andthroughhismindflittedthethought,\"Wantedtoknowwhattime。\"Inanotherhouseoneroomwaslighted。Thelightburneddimlyandsteadily,andhehadthefeelthatitwasasick-room。
Hewasespeciallyinterestedinahouseacrossthestreetinthemiddleoftheblock。Tothishousehepaidmostattention。Nomatterwhatwayhelooked,norwhatwayhewalked,hislooksandhisstepsalwaysreturnedtoit。Exceptforanopenwindowabovetheporch,therewasnothingunusualaboutthehouse。Nothingcameinnorout。Nothinghappened。Therewerenolightedwindows,norhadlightsappearedanddisappearedinanyofthewindows。Yetitwasthecentralpointofhisconsideration。Heralliedtoiteachtimeafteradivinationofthestateoftheneighbourhood。
Despitehisfeelofthings,hewasnotconfident。Hewassupremelyconsciousoftheprecariousnessofhissituation。Thoughunperturbedbythefootfallsofthechancepedestrian,hewasaskeyedupandsensitiveandreadytobestartledasanytimorousdeer。Hewasawareofthepossibilityofotherintelligencesprowlingaboutinthedarkness——
intelligencessimilartohisowninmovement,perception,anddivination。
Fardownthestreethecaughtaglimpseofsomethingthatmoved。Andheknewitwasnolatehome-goer,butmenaceanddanger。Hewhistledtwicetothehouseacrossthestreet,thenfadedawayshadow-liketothecornerandaroundthecorner。Herehepausedandlookedabouthimcarefully。
Reassured,hepeeredbackaroundthecornerandstudiedtheobjectthatmovedandthatwascomingnearer。Hehaddivinedaright。Itwasapoliceman。
Themanwentdownthecrossstreettothenextcorner,fromtheshelterofwhichhewatchedthecornerhehadjustleft。Hesawthepolicemanpassby,goingstraightonupthestreet。Heparalleledthepoliceman\'scourse,andfromthenextcorneragainwatchedhimgoby;thenhereturnedthewayhehadcome。Hewhistledoncetothehouseacrossthestreet,andafteratimewhistledonceagain。Therewasreassuranceinthewhistle,justastherehadbeenwarninginthepreviousdoublewhistle。
Hesawadarkbulkoutlineitselfontheroofoftheporchandslowlydescendapillar。Thenitcamedownthesteps,passedthroughthesmallirongate,andwentdownthesidewalk,takingontheformofaman。Hethatwatchedkeptonhisownsideofthestreetandmovedonabreasttothecorner,wherehecrossedoverandjoinedtheother。Hewasquitesmallalongsidethemanheaccosted。
\"How\'dyoumakeout,Matt?\"heasked。
Theothergruntedindistinctly,andwalkedoninsilenceafewsteps。
\"IreckonIlandedthegoods,\"hesaid。
Jimchuckledinthedarkness,andwaitedforfurtherinformation。Theblockspassedbyundertheirfeet,andhegrewimpatient。
\"Well,howaboutthemgoods?\"heasked。\"Whatkindofahauldidyoumake,anyway?\"
\"Iwastoobusytofiggeritout,butit\'sfat。Icantellyouthatmuch,Jim,it\'sfat。Idon\'tdasttothinkhowfatitis。Waittillwegettotheroom。\"
Jimlookedathimkeenlyunderthestreetlampofthenextcrossing,andsawthathisfacewasatriflegrimandthathecarriedhisleftarmpeculiarly。
\"What\'sthematterwithyourarm?\"hedemanded。
\"Thelittlecussbitme。HopeIdon\'tgethydrophoby。Folksgetshydrophobyfrommanbitesometimes,don\'tthey?\"
\"Gaveyoufight,eh?\"Jimaskedencouragingly。
Theothergrunted。
\"You\'reharder\'nhelltogetinformationfrom,\"Jimburstoutirritably。
\"Tellusaboutit。Youain\'tgoin\'tolosemoneyjusta-tellin\'aguy。\"
\"IguessIchokedhimsome,\"cametheanswer。Then,bywayofexplanation,\"Hewokeuponme。\"
\"Youdiditneat。Ineverheardasound。\"
\"Jim,\"theothersaidwithseriousness,\"it\'sahangin\'matter。Ifixed\'m。Ihadto。Hewokeuponme。Youan\'me\'sgottodosomelayin\'lowforaspell。\"
Jimgavealowwhistleofcomprehension。
\"Didyouhearmewhistle?\"heaskedsuddenly。
\"Sure。Iwasalldone。Iwasjustcomin\'out。\"
\"Itwasabull。Buthewasn\'tonalittlebit。Wentrightbyan\'kepta-
paddin\'thehoofoutasight。ThenIcomebackan\'gaveyouthewhistle。
Whatmadeyoutakesolongafterthat?\"
\"Iwaswaitin\'tomakesure,\"Mattexplained。\"IwasmightygladwhenI
heardyouwhistleagain。It\'shardworkwaitin\'。Ijustsattherean\'
thoughtan\'thought……oh,allkinds\'ofthings。It\'sremarkablewhatafellow\'llthinkabout。Andthentherewasadarncatthatkeptmovin\'
aroundthehouseall\'botherin\'mewithitsnoises。\"
\"An\'it\'sfat!\"Jimexclaimedirrelevantlyandwithjoy。
\"I\'msuretellin\'you,Jim,it\'sfat。I\'mplum\'anxiousforanotherlookat\'em。\"
Unconsciouslythetwomenquickenedtheirpace。Yettheydidnotrelaxfromtheircaution。Twicetheychangedtheircourseinordertoavoidpolicemen,andtheymadeverysurethattheywerenotobservedwhentheydivedintothedarkhallwayofacheaproominghousedowntown。
Notuntiltheyhadgainedtheirownroomonthetopfloor,didtheyscratchamatch。WhileJimlightedalamp,Mattlockedthedoorandthrewtheboltsintoplace。Asheturned,henoticedthathispartnerwaswaitingexpectantly。Mattsmiledtohimselfattheother\'seagerness。
\"Themsearch-lightsisallright,\"hesaid,drawingforthasmallpocketelectriclampandexaminingit。\"Butwegottogetanewbattery。It\'srunnin\'prettyweak。Ithoughtonceortwiceit\'dleavemeinthedark。
Funnyarrangementsinthathouse。Ineargotlost。Hisroomwasontheleft,an\'thatfooledmesome。\"
\"Itoldyouitwasontheleft,\"Jiminterrupted。
\"Youtoldmeitwasontheright,\"Mattwenton。\"IguessIknowwhatyoutoldme,an\'there\'sthemapyoudrew。\"
Fumblinginhisvestpocket,hedrewoutafoldedslipofpaper。Asheunfoldedit,Jimbentoverandlooked。
\"Ididmakeamistake,\"heconfessed。
\"Yousuredid。Itgotmeguessin\'someforawhile。\"
\"Butitdon\'tmatternow,\"Jimcried。\"Let\'sseewhatyougot。\"
\"Itdoesmatter,\"Mattretorted。\"Itmattersalot……tome。I\'vegottorunalltherisk。Iputmyheadinthetrapwhileyoustayonthestreet。Yougottogetontoyourselfan\'bemorecareful。Allright,I\'llshowyou。\"
Hedippedlooselyintohistrouserspocketandbroughtoutahandfulofsmalldiamonds。Hespilledthemoutinablazingstreamonthegreasytable。Jimletoutagreatoath。
\"That\'snothing,\"Mattsaidwithtriumphantcomplacence。\"Iain\'tbegunyet。\"
Fromonepocketafteranotherhecontinuedbringingforththespoil。Thereweremanydiamondswrappedinchamoisskinthatwerelargerthanthoseinthefirsthandful。Fromonepockethebroughtoutahandfulofverysmallcutgems。
\"Sundust,\"heremarked,ashespilledthemonthetableinaspacebythemselves。
Jimexaminedthem。
\"Justthesame,theyretailforacoupleofdollarseach,\"hesaid。\"Isthatall?\"
\"Ain\'titenough?\"theotherdemandedinanaggrievedtone。
\"Sureitis,\"Jimansweredwithunqualifiedapproval。\"Better\'nI
expected。Iwouldn\'ttakeacentlessthantenthousan\'forthebunch。\"
\"Tenthousan\',\"Mattsneered。\"They\'reworthtwic\'tthat,an\'Idon\'tknowanythingaboutjoolery,either。Lookatthatbigboy!\"
Hepickeditoutfromthesparklingheapandhelditneartothelampwiththeairofanexpert,weighingandjudging。
\"Worthathousan\'allbyitslonely,\"wasJim\'squickerjudgment。
\"Athousan\'yourgrandmother,\"wasMatt\'sscornfulrejoinder。\"Youcouldn\'tbuyitforthree。\"
\"Wakemeup!I\'mdreamin\'!\"ThesparkleofthegemswasinJim\'seyes,andhebegansortingoutthelargerdiamondsandexaminingthem。\"We\'rerichmen,Matt——we\'llberegularswells。\"
\"It\'lltakeyearstogetridof\'em,\"wasMatt\'smorepracticalthought。
\"Butthinkhowwe\'lllive!Nothin\'todobutspendthemoneyan\'goongettin\'ridofem。\"
Matt\'seyeswerebeginningtosparkle,thoughsombrely,ashisphlegmaticnaturewokeup。
\"ItoldyouIdidn\'tdastthinkhowfatitwas,\"hemurmuredinalowvoice。
\"Whatakillin\'!Whatakillin\'!\"wastheother\'smoreecstaticutterance。
\"Ialmostforgot,\"Mattsaid,thrustinghishandintohisinsidecoatpocket。
Astringoflargepearlsemergedfromwrappingsoftissuepaperandchamoisskin。Jimscarcelyglancedatthem。
\"They\'reworthmoney,\"hesaid,andreturnedtothediamonds。
Asilencefellonthetwomen。Jimplayedwiththegems,runningthemthroughhisfingers,sortingthemintopiles,andspreadingthemoutflatandwide。Hewasaslender,weazenedman,nervous,irritable,high-strung,andanaemic——atypicalchildofthegutter,withunbeautifultwistedfeatures,small-eyed,withfaceandmouthperpetuallyandfeverishlyhungry,brutishinacat-likeway,stampedtothecorewithdegeneracy。
Mattdidnotfingerthediamonds。Hesatwithchinonhandsandelbowsontable,blinkingheavilyattheblazingarray。Hewasineverywayacontrasttotheother。Nocityhadbredhim。Hewasheavy-muscledandhairy,gorilla-likeinstrengthandaspect。Forhimtherewasnounseenworld。Hiseyeswerefullandwideapart,andthereseemedinthemacertainboldbrotherliness。Theyinspiredconfidence。Butacloserinspectionwouldhaveshownthathiseyeswerejustatrifletoofull,justashadetoowideapart。Heexceeded,spilledoverthelimitsofnormality,andhisfeaturestoldliesaboutthemanbeneath。
\"Thebunchisworthfiftythousan\',\"Jimremarkedsuddenly。
\"Ahundredthousan\',\"Mattsaid。
Thesilencereturnedandenduredalongtime,tobebrokenagainbyJim。
\"Whatinhellwashedoin\'with\'emallatthehouse?——that\'swhatIwanttoknow。I\'da-thoughthe\'dkept\'eminthesafedownatthestore。\"
Matthadjustbeenconsideringthevisionofthethrottledmanashehadlastlookeduponhiminthedimlightoftheelectriclantern;buthedidnotstartatthementionofhim。
\"There\'snotellin\',\"heanswered。\"Hemighta-bengettin\'readytochuckhispardner。Hemighta-pulledoutinthemornin\'forpartsunknown,ifwehadn\'thappenedalong。Iguessthere\'sjustasmanythievesamonghonestmenasthereisamongthieves。Youreadaboutsuchthingsinthepapers,Jim。Pardnersisalwaysknifin\'eachother。\"
Aqueer,nervouslookcameintotheother\'seyes。Mattdidnotbetraythathenotedit,thoughhesaid