\"Thegods,thegodsarestronger;timeFallsdownbeforethem,allmen\'skneesBow,allmen\'sprayersandsorrowsclimbLikeincensetowardthem;yea,fortheseAregods,Felise。\"
Carquinezhadrelaxedfinally。Hestoleaglanceattherattlingwindows,lookedupwardatthebeamedroof,andlistenedforamomenttothesavageroarofthesouth-easterasitcaughtthebungalowinitsbellowingjaws。
Thenheheldhisglassbetweenhimandthefireandlaughedforjoythroughthegoldenwine。
\"Itisbeautiful,\"hesaid。\"Itissweetlysweet。Itisawoman\'swine,anditwasmadeforgray-robedsaintstodrink。\"
\"Wegrowitonourownwarmhills,\"Isaid,withpardonableCaliforniapride。\"Yourodeupyesterdaythroughthevinesfromwhichitwasmade。\"
ItwasworthwhiletogetCarquineztoloosenup。Norwasheeverreallyhimselfuntilhefeltthemellowwarmthofthevinesinginginhisblood。
Hewasanartist,itistrue,alwaysanartist;butsomehow,sober,thehighpitchandliltwentoutofhisthought-processesandhewaspronetobeasdeadlydullasaBritishSunday——notdullasothermenaredull,butdullwhenmeasuredbythesprightlywightthatMonteCarquinezwaswhenhewasreallyhimself。
FromallthisitmustnotbeinferredthatCarquinez,whoismydearfriendanddearercomrade,wasasot。Farfromit。Herarelyerred。AsIhavesaid,hewasanartist。Heknewwhenhehadenough,andenough,withhim,wasequilibrium——theequilibriumthatisyoursandminewhenwearesober。
HiswasawiseandinstinctivetemperatenessthatsavouredoftheGreek。
YethewasfarfromGreek。\"IamAztec,IamInca,IamSpaniard,\"Ihaveheardhimsay。Andintruthhelookedit,acompoundofstrangeandancientraces,whatwithhisswarthyskinandtheasymmetryandprimitivenessofhisfeatures。Hiseyes,undermassivelyarchedbrows,werewideapartandblackwiththeblacknessthatisbarbaric,whilebeforethemwasperpetuallyfallingdownagreatblackmopofhairthroughwhichhegazedlikearoguishsatyrfromathicket。Heinvariablyworeasoftflannelshirtunderhisvelvet-corduroyjacket,andhisnecktiewasred。
ThislatterstoodfortheredflaghehadoncelivedwiththesocialistsofParis,anditsymbolizedthebloodandbrotherhoodofman。Also,hehadneverbeenknowntowearanythingonhisheadsavealeather-bandedsombrero。Itwasevenrumouredthathehadbeenbornwiththisparticularpieceofheadgear。AndinmyexperienceitwasprovocativeofnothingshortofsheerdelighttoseethatMexicansombrerohailingacabinPiccadillyorstorm-tossedinthecrushfortheNewYorkElevated。
AsIhavesaid,Carquinezwasmadequickbywine——\"astheclaywasmadequickwhenGodbreathedthebreathoflifeintoit,\"washiswayofsayingit。IconfessthathewasblasphemouslyintimatewithGod;andImustaddthattherewasnoblasphemyinhim。Hewasatalltimeshonest,and,becausehewascompoundedofparadoxes,greatlymisunderstoodbythosewhodidnotknowhim。Hecouldbeaselementallyrawattimesasascreamingsavage;andatothertimesasdelicateasamaid,assubtleasaSpaniard。
And——well,washenotAztec?Inca?Spaniard?
AndnowImustaskpardonforthespaceIhavegivenhim。Heismyfriend,andIlovehim。Thehousewasshakingtothestorm,ashedrewclosertothefireandlaughedatitthroughhiswine。Helookedatme,andbytheaddedlustreofhiseye,andbythealertnessofit,Iknewthatatlasthewaspitchedinhisproperkey。
\"Andsoyouthinkyou\'vewonoutagainstthegods?\"hedemanded。
\"Whythegods?\"
\"Whosewillbuttheirshasputsatietyuponman?\"hecried。
\"Andwhencethewillinmetoescapesatiety?\"Iaskedtriumphantly。
\"Againthegods,\"helaughed。\"Itistheirgameweplay。Theydealandshuffleallthecards……andtakethestakes。Thinknotthatyouhaveescapedbyfleeingfromthemadcities。Youwithyourvine-cladhills,yoursunsetsandyoursunrises,yourhomelyfareandsimpleroundofliving!
\"I\'vewatchedyoueversinceIcame。Youhavenotwon。Youhavesurrendered。Youhavemadetermswiththeenemy。Youhavemadeconfessionthatyouaretired。Youhaveflownthewhiteflagoffatigue。Youhavenailedupanoticetotheeffectthatlifeisebbingdowninyou。Youhaverunawayfromlife。Youhaveplayedatrick,shabbytrick。Youhavebalkedatthegame。Yourefusetoplay。Youhavethrownyourcardsunderthetableandrunawaytohide,hereamongstyourhills。\"
Hetossedhisstraighthairbackfromhisflashingeyes,andscarcelyinterruptedtorollalong,brown,Mexicancigarette。
\"Butthegodsknow。Itisanoldtrick。Allthegenerationsofmanhavetriedit……andlost。Thegodsknowhowtodealwithsuchasyou。Topursueistopossess,andtopossessistobesated。Andsoyou,inyourwisdom,haverefusedanylongertopursue。Youhaveelectedsurcease。
Verywell。Youwillbecomesatedwithsurcease。Yousayyouhaveescapedsatiety!Youhavemerelybartereditforsenility。Andsenilityisanothernameforsatiety。Itissatiety\'smasquerade。Bah!\"
\"Butlookatme!\"Icried。
Carquinezwaseverademonforhalingonessouloutandmakingragsandtattersofit。
Helookedmewitheringlyupanddown。
\"Youseenosigns,\"Ichallenged。
\"Decayisinsidious,\"heretorted。\"Youarerottenripe。\"
Ilaughedandforgavehimforhisverydeviltry。Butherefusedtobeforgiven。
\"DoInotknow?\"heasked。\"Thegodsalwayswin。Ihavewatchedmenplayforyearswhatseemedawinninggame。Intheendtheylost。\"
\"Don\'tyouevermakemistakes?\"Iasked。
Heblewmanymeditativeringsofsmokebeforereplying。
\"Yes,Iwasnearlyfooled,once。Letmetellyou。TherewasMarvinFiske。
Yourememberhim?AndhisDantesquefaceandpoet\'ssoul,singinghischantoftheflesh,theverypriestofLove?AndtherewasEthelBaird,whomalsoyoumustremember。\"
\"Awarmsaint,\"Isaid。
\"Thatisshe!HolyasLove,andsweeter!Justawoman,madeforlove;andyet——howshallIsay?——drenchedthroughwithholinessasyourownairhereiswiththeperfumeofflowers。Well,theymarried。Theyplayedahandwiththegods——\"
\"Andtheywon,theygloriouslywon!\"Ibrokein。
Carquinezlookedatmepityingly,andhisvoicewaslikeafuneralbell。
\"Theylost。Theysupremely,colossallylost。\"
\"Buttheworldbelievesotherwise,\"Iventuredcoldly。
\"Theworldconjectures。Theworldseesonlythefaceofthings。ButI
know。Hasiteverenteredyourmindtowonderwhyshetooktheveil,buriedherselfinthatdolorousconventofthelivingdead?\"
\"Becauseshelovedhimso,andwhenhedied……\"
SpeechwasfrozenonmylipsbyCarquinez\'ssneer。
\"Apatanswer,\"hesaid,\"machine-madelikeapieceofcotton-drill。Theworld\'sjudgment!Andmuchtheworldknowsaboutit。Likeyou,shefledfromlife。Shewasbeaten。Sheflungoutthewhiteflagoffatigue。Andnobeleagueredcityeverflewthatflaginsuchbitternessandtears。
\"NowIshalltellyouthewholetale,andyoumustbelieveme,forIknow。
Theyhadponderedtheproblemofsatiety。TheylovedLove。TheyknewtotheuttermostfarthingthevalueofLove。Theylovedhimsowellthattheywerefaintokeephimalways,warmanda-thrillintheirhearts。Theywelcomedhiscoming;theyfearedtohavehimdepart。
\"Lovewasdesire,theyheld,adeliciouspain。Hewaseverseekingeasement,andwhenhefoundthatforwhichhesought,hedied。LovedeniedwasLovealive;LovegrantedwasLovedeceased。Doyoufollowme?Theysawitwasnotthewayoflifetobehungryforwhatithas。Toeatandstillbehungry——manhasneveraccomplishedthatfeat。Theproblemofsatiety。Thatisit。Tohaveandtokeepthesharpfamine-edgeofappetiteatthegroaningboard。Thiswastheirproblem,fortheylovedLove。Oftendidtheydiscussit,withallLove\'ssweetardoursbrimmingintheireyes;hisruddybloodsprayingtheircheeks;hisvoiceplayinginandoutwiththeirvoices,nowhidingasatremolointheirthroats,andagainshadingatonewiththatineffabletendernesswhichhealonecanutter。
\"HowdoIknowallthis?Isaw——much。MoreIlearnedfromherdiary。
ThisIfoundinit,fromFionaMacleod:\'For,truly,thatwanderingvoice,thattwilight-whisper,thatbreathsodewy-sweet,thatflame-wingedlute-
playerwhomnoneseesbutforamoment,inarainbow-shimmerofjoy,orasuddenlightning-flareofpassion,thisexquisitemysterywecallAmor,comes,tosomeraptvisionariesatleast,notwithasonguponthelipsthatallmayhear,orwithblitheviolofpublicmusic,butasonewroughtbyecstasy,dumblyeloquentwithdesire。\'
\"Howtokeeptheflame-wingedlute-playerwithhisdumbeloquenceofdesire?Tofeasthimwastolosehim。Theirloveforeachotherwasagreatlove。Theirgranarieswereoverflowingwithplenitude;yettheywantedtokeepthesharpfamine-edgeoftheirloveundulled。
\"NorweretheyleanlittlefledglingstheorizingonthethresholdofLove。
Theywererobustandrealizedsouls。Theyhadlovedbefore,withothers,inthedaysbeforetheymet;andinthosedaystheyhadthrottledLovewithcaresses,andkilledhimwithkisses,andburiedhiminthepitofsatiety。
\"Theywerenotcoldwraiths,thismanandwoman。Theywerewarmhuman。
TheyhadnoSaxonsobernessintheirblood。Thecolourofitwassunset-
red。Theyglowedwithit。TemperamentallytheirswastheFrenchjoyintheflesh。Theywereidealists,buttheiridealismwasGallic。ItwasnottemperedbythechillandsombrefluidthatfortheEnglishservesasblood。Therewasnostoicismaboutthem。TheywereAmericans,descendedoutoftheEnglish,andyettherefrainingandself-denyingoftheEnglishspirit-gropingwerenottheirs。
\"TheywereallthisthatIhavesaid,andtheyweremadeforjoy,onlytheyachievedaconcept。Acurseonconcepts!Theyplayedwithlogic,andthiswastheirlogic——Butfirstletmetellyouofatalkwehadonenight。ItwasofGautier\'sMadelinedeMaupin。Yourememberthemaid?Shekissedonce,andonceonly,andkissesshewouldhavenomore。Notthatshefoundkisseswerenotsweet,butthatshefearedwithrepetitiontheywouldcloy。
Satietyagain!Shetriedtoplaywithoutstakesagainstthegods。Nowthisiscontrarytoaruleofthegamethegodsthemselveshavemade。Onlytherulesarenotpostedoverthetable。Mortalsmustplayinordertolearntherules。
\"Well,tothelogic。Themanandthewomanarguedthus:Whykissonceonly?Iftokissoncewerewise,wasitnotwisertokissnotatall?
ThuscouldtheykeepLovealive。Fasting,hewouldknockforeverattheirhearts。
\"Perhapsitwasoutoftheirhereditythattheyachievedthisunholyconcept。Thebreedwilloutandsometimesmostfantastically。ThusinthemdidcursedAlbionarrayherselfaschemingwanton,abold,cold-
calculating,andartfulhussy。Afterall,Idonotknow。ButthisIknow:
itwasoutoftheirinordinatedesireforjoythattheyforewentjoy。
\"AshesaidIreaditlongafterwardinoneofhisletterstoher:\'Toholdyouinmyarms,close,andyetnotclose。Toyearnforyou,andnevertohaveyou,andsoalwaystohaveyou。\'Andshe:\'Foryoutobealwaysjustbeyondmyreach。Tobeeverattainingyou,andyetneverattainingyou,andforthistolastforever,alwaysfreshandnew,andalwayswiththefirstflushuponus。
\"Thatisnotthewaytheysaidit。Onmylipstheirlove-philosophyismangled。AndwhoamItodelveintotheirsoul-stuff?Iamafrog,onthedankedgeofagreatdarkness,gazinggoggle-eyedatthemysteryandwonderoftheirflamingsouls。
\"Andtheywereright,asfarastheywent。Everythingisgood……aslongasitisunpossessed。SatietyandpossessionareDeath\'shorses;theyruninspan。
\"\'AndtimecouldonlytutorustoekeOurrapture\'swarmthwithcustom\'safterglow。\'
\"TheygotthatfromasonnetofAlfredAustin\'s。Itwascalled\'Love\'sWisdom。\'ItwastheonekissofMadelinedeMaupin。Howdiditrun?
\"\'Kissweandpart;nofurthercanwego;
AndbetterdeaththanwefromhightolowShoulddwindle,ordeclinefromstrongtoweak。\'
\"Buttheywerewiser。Theywouldnotkissandpart。Theywouldnotkissatall,andthustheyplannedtostayatLove\'stopmostpeak。Theymarried。YouwereinEnglandatthetime。Andneverwastheresuchamarriage。Theykepttheirsecrettothemselves。Ididnotknow,then。
Theirrapture\'swarmthdidnotcool。Theirloveburnedwithincreasingbrightness。Neverwasthereanythinglikeit。Thetimepassed,themonths,theyears,andevertheflame-wingedlute-playergrewmoreresplendent。
\"Everybodymarvelled。Theybecamethewonderfullovers,andtheyweregreatlyenvied。Sometimeswomenpitiedherbecauseshewaschildless;itistheformtheenvyofsuchcreaturestakes。
\"AndIdidnotknowtheirsecret。IponderedandImarvelled。AsfirstI
hadexpected,subconsciouslyIimagine,thepassingoftheirlove。ThenI
becameawarethatitwasTimethatpassedandLovethatremained。ThenI
becamecurious。Whatwastheirsecret?WhatwerethemagicfetterswithwhichtheyboundLovetothem?Howdidtheyholdthegracelesself?WhatelixirofeternallovehadtheydrunktogetherashadTristramandIseultofoldtime?Andwhosehandhadbrewedthefairydrink?
\"AsIsay,Iwascurious,andIwatchedthem。Theywerelove-mad。TheylivedinanunendingrevelofLove。Theymadeapompandceremonialofit。
TheysaturatedthemselvesintheartandpoetryofLove。No,theywerenotneurotics。Theyweresaneandhealthy,andtheywereartists。Buttheyhadaccomplishedtheimpossible。Theyhadachieveddeathlessdesire。
\"AndI?IsawmuchofthemandtheireverlastingmiracleofLove。I
puzzledandwondered,andthenoneday——\"
Carquinezbrokeoffabruptlyandasked,\"Haveyoueverread,\'Love\'sWaitingTime\'?\"
Ishookmyhead。
\"Pagewroteit——CurtisHiddenPage,Ithink。Well,itwasthatbitofversethatgavemetheclue。Oneday,inthewindow-seatnearthebigpiano——yourememberhowshecouldplay?Sheusedtolaugh,sometimes,anddoubtwhetheritwasforthemIcame,orforthemusic。Shecalledmea\'music-sot\'once,a\'sound-debauchee。\'Whatavoicehehad!WhenhesangIbelievedinimmortality,myregardforthegodsgrewalmostpatronizingandIdevisedwaysandmeanswherebyIsurelycouldoutwitthemandtheirtricks。
\"ItwasaspectacleforGod,thatmanandwoman,yearsmarried,andsinginglove-songswithafreshnessvirginalasnew-bornLovehimself,witharipenessandwealthofardourthatyoungloverscanneverknow。Youngloverswerepaleandanaemicbesidethatlong-marriedpair。Toseethem,allfireandflameandtenderness,atatremblingdistance,lavishingcaressesofeyeandvoicewitheveryaction,througheverysilence——theirlovedrivingthemtowardeachother,andtheywithholdinglikeflutteringmoths,eachtotheotheracandle-flame,andrevolvingeachabouttheotherinthemadgyrationsofanamazingorbit-flight!Itseemed,inobediencetosomegreatlawofphysics,morepotentthangravitationandmoresubtle,thattheymustcorporeallymelteachintoeachtherebeforemyveryeyes。
Smallwondertheywerecalledthewonderfullovers。
\"Ihavewandered。Nowtotheclue。Onedayinthewindow-seatIfoundabookofverse。Itopenedofitself,betrayinglonghabit,to\'Love\'sWaitingTime。\'Thepagewasthumbedandlimpwithoverhandling,andthereIread:——
\"\'Sosweetitistostandbutjustapart,Toknoweachotherbetter,andtokeepThesoft,delicioussenseoftwothattouch……
Olove,notyet!……Sweet,letuskeepourloveWrappedroundwithsacredmysteryawhile,Waitingthesecretofthecomingyears,Thatcomenotyet,notyet……sometime……
notyet……
Oh,yetalittlewhileourlovemaygrow!
Whenithasblossomeditwillhaplydie。
Feeditwithliplesskisses,letitsleep,Beddedindeaddenialyetsomewhile……
Oh,yetalittlewhile,alittlewhile。\'
\"Ifoldedthebookonmythumbandsattheresilentandwithoutmovingforalongtime。Iwasstunnedbytheclearnessofvisiontheversehadimpartedtome。Itwasillumination。ItwaslikeaboltofGod\'slightninginthePit。TheywouldkeepLove,theficklesprite,theforerunnerofyounglife——younglifethatisimperativetobeborn!
\"Iconnedthelinesoverinmymind——\'Notyet,sometime\'——\'OLove,notyet\'——\'Feeditwithliplesskisses,letitsleep。\'AndIlaughedaloud,ha,ha!Isawwithwhitevisiontheirblamelesssouls。Theywerechildren。Theydidnotunderstand。TheyplayedwithNature\'sfireandbeddedwithanakedsword。Theylaughedatthegods。Theywouldstopthecosmicsap。Theyhadinventedasystem,andbroughtittothegaming-tableoflife,andexpectedtowinout。\'Beware!\'Icried。\'Thegodsarebehindthetable。Theymakenewrulesforeverysystemthatisdevised。Youhavenochancetowin。\'
\"ButIdidnotsocrytothem。Iwaited。Theywouldlearnthattheirsystemwasworthlessandthrowitaway。Theywouldbecontentwithwhateverhappinessthegodsgavethemandnotstrivetowrestmoreaway。
\"Iwatched。Isaidnothing。Themonthscontinuedtocomeandgo,andstillthefamine-edgeoftheirlovegrewthesharper。Neverdidtheydullitwithapermittedlove-clasp。Theygroundandwhetteditonself-denial,andsharperandsharperitgrew。ThiswentonuntilevenIdoubted。Didthegodssleep?Iwondered。Orweretheydead?Ilaughedtomyself。Themanandthewomanhadmadeamiracle。TheyhadoutwittedGod。Theyhadshamedtheflesh,andblackenedthefaceofthegoodEarthMother。Theyhadplayedwithherfireandnotbeenburned。Theywereimmune。Theywerethemselvesgods,knowinggoodfromevilandtastingnot。\'Wasthisthewaygodscametobe?\'Iaskedmyself。\'Iamafrog,\'Isaid。\'Butformymud-
liddedeyesIshouldhavebeenblindedbythebrightnessofthiswonderI
havewitnessed。Ihavepuffedmyselfupwithmywisdomandpassedjudgmentupongods。\'
\"Yeteveninthis,mylatestwisdom,Iwaswrong。Theywerenotgods。
Theyweremanandwoman——softclaythatsighedandthrilled,shotthroughwithdesire,thumbedwithstrangeweaknesseswhichthegodshavenot。\"
Carquinezbrokefromhisnarrativetorollanothercigaretteandtolaughharshly。Itwasnotaprettylaugh;itwaslikethemockeryofadevil,anditroseoverandrodetheroarofthestormthatcamemuffledtoourearsfromthecrashingoutsideworld。
\"Iamafrog,\"hesaidapologetically。\"Howweretheytounderstand?Theywereartists,notbiologists。Theyknewtheclayofthestudio,buttheydidnotknowtheclayofwhichtheythemselvesweremade。ButthisIwillsay——theyplayedhigh。Neverwastheresuchagamebefore,andIdoubtmeiftherewilleverbesuchagameagain。
\"Neverwaslovers\'ecstasyliketheirs。TheyhadnotkilledLovewithkisses。Theyhadquickenedhimwithdenial。Andbydenialtheydrovehimontillhewasallaburstwithdesire。Andtheflame-wingedlute-playerfannedthemwithhiswarmwingstilltheywereallbutswooning。ItwastheverydeliriumofLove,anditcontinuedundiminishedandincreasingthroughtheweeksandmonths。
\"Theylongedandyearned,withallthefondpangsandsweetdeliciousagonies,withanintensityneverfeltbyloversbeforenorsince。
\"Andthenonedaythedrowsygodsceasednodding。Theyarousedandlookedatthemanandwomanwhohadmadeamockofthem。Andthemanandwomanlookedintoeachother\'seyesonemorningandknewthatsomethingwasgone。
Itwastheflame-wingedone。Hehadfled,silently,inthenight,fromtheiranchorites\'board。
\"Theylookedintoeachother\'seyesandknewthattheydidnotcare。
Desirewasdead。Doyouunderstand?Desirewasdead。Andtheyhadneverkissed。Notoncehadtheykissed。Lovewasgone。Theywouldneveryearnandburnagain。Forthemtherewasnothingleft——nomoretremblingsandflutteringsanddeliciousanguishes,nomorethrobbingandpulsing,andsighingandsong。Desirewasdead。Ithaddiedinthenight,onacouchcoldandunattended;norhadtheywitnesseditspassing。Theylearneditforthefirsttimeineachother\'seyes。
\"Thegodsmaynotbekind,buttheyareoftenmerciful。Theyhadtwirledthelittleivoryballandsweptthestakesfromthetable。Allthatremainedwasthemanandwomangazingintoeachother\'scoldeyes。Andthenhedied。Thatwasthemercy。WithintheweekMarvinFiskewasdead——
youremembertheaccident。Andinherdiary,writtenatthistime,IlongafterwardreadMitchellKennerly\'s:——
\"\'TherewasnotasinglehourWemighthavekissedanddidnotkiss。\'\"
\"Oh,theironyofit!\"Icriedout。
AndCarquinez,inthefirelightaveritableMephistophelesinvelvetjacket,fixedmewithhisblackeyes。
\"Andtheywon,yousaid?Theworld\'sjudgment!Ihavetoldyou,andI
know。Theywonasyouarewinning,hereinyourhills。\"
\"Butyou,\"Idemandedhotly;\"youwithyourorgiesofsoundandsense,withyourmadcitiesandmadderfrolics——bethinkyouthatyouwin?\"
Heshookhisheadslowly。\"Becauseyouwithyoursoberbucolicregime,lose,isnoreasonthatIshouldwin。Weneverwin。Sometimeswethinkwewin。Thatisalittlepleasantryofthegods。\"
THEAPOSTATE
\"NowIwakemeuptowork;
IpraytheLordImaynotshirk。
IfIshoulddiebeforethenight,IpraytheLordmywork\'sallright。
Amen。\"
\"Ifyoudon\'tgitup,Johnny,Iwon\'tgiveyouabitetoeat!\"
Thethreathadnoeffectontheboy。Heclungstubbornlytosleep,fightingforitsoblivionasthedreamerfightsforhisdream。Theboy\'shandslooselyclenchedthemselves,andhemadefeeble,spasmodicblowsattheair。Theseblowswereintendedforhismother,butshebetrayedpractisedfamiliarityinavoidingthemassheshookhimroughlybytheshoulder。
\"Lemme\'lone!\"
Itwasacrythatbegan,muffled,inthedeepsofsleep,thatswiftlyrushedupward,likeawail,intopassionatebelligerence,andthatdiedawayandsankdownintoaninarticulatewhine。Itwasabestialcry,asofasoulintorment,filledwithinfiniteprotestandpain。
Butshedidnotmind。Shewasasad-eyed,tired-facedwoman,andshehadgrownusedtothistask,whichsherepeatedeverydayofherlife。Shegotagriponthebedclothesandtriedtostripthemdown;buttheboy,ceasinghispunching,clungtothemdesperately。Inahuddle,atthefootofthebed,hestillremainedcovered。Thenshetrieddraggingthebeddingtothefloor。Theboyopposedher。Shebracedherself。Herswasthesuperiorweight,andtheboyandbeddinggave,theformerinstinctivelyfollowingthelatterinordertoshelteragainstthechilloftheroomthatbitintohisbody。
Ashetoppledontheedgeofthebeditseemedthathemustfallhead-firsttothefloor。Butconsciousnessflutteredupinhim。Herightedhimselfandforamomentperilouslybalanced。Thenhestrucktheflooronhisfeet。Ontheinstanthismotherseizedhimbytheshouldersandshookhim。
Againhisfistsstruckout,thistimewithmoreforceanddirectness。Atthesametimehiseyesopened。Shereleasedhim。Hewasawake。
\"Allright,\"hemumbled。
Shecaughtupthelampandhurriedout,leavinghimindarkness。
\"You\'llbedocked,\"shewarnedbacktohim。
Hedidnotmindthedarkness。Whenhehadgotintohisclothes,hewentoutintothekitchen。Histreadwasveryheavyforsothinandlightaboy。Hislegsdraggedwiththeirownweight,whichseemedunreasonablebecausetheyweresuchskinnylegs。Hedrewabroken-bottomedchairtothetable。
\"Johnny,\"hismothercalledsharply。
Hearoseassharplyfromthechair,and,withoutaword,wenttothesink。
Itwasagreasy,filthysink。Asmellcameupfromtheoutlet。Hetooknonoticeofit。Thatasinkshouldsmellwastohimpartofthenaturalorder,justasitwasapartofthenaturalorderthatthesoapshouldbegrimywithdish-waterandhardtolather。Nordidhetryveryhardtomakeitlather。Severalsplashesofthecoldwaterfromtherunningfaucetcompletedthefunction。Hedidnotwashhisteeth。Forthatmatterhehadneverseenatoothbrush,nordidheknowthatthereexistedbeingsintheworldwhowereguiltyofsogreatafoolishnessastoothwashing。
\"Youmightwashyourselfwunstadaywithoutbein\'told,\"hismothercomplained。
Shewasholdingabrokenlidonthepotasshepouredtwocupsofcoffee。
Hemadenoremark,forthiswasastandingquarrelbetweenthem,andtheonethinguponwhichhismotherwashardasadamant。\"Wunst\"adayitwascompulsorythatheshouldwashhisface。Hedriedhimselfonagreasytowel,dampanddirtyandragged,thatlefthisfacecoveredwithshredsoflint。
\"Iwishwedidn\'tlivesofaraway,\"shesaid,ashesatdown。\"ItrytodothebestIcan。Youknowthat。Butadollarontherentissuchasavin\',an\'we\'vemoreroomhere。Youknowthat。\"
Hescarcelyfollowedher。Hehadhearditallbefore,manytimes。Therangeofherthoughtwaslimited,andshewaseverharkingbacktothehardshipworkeduponthembylivingsofarfromthemills。
\"Adollarmeansmoregrub,\"heremarkedsententiously。\"I\'dsoonerdothewalkin\'an\'gitthegrub。\"
Heatehurriedly,halfchewingthebreadandwashingtheunmasticatedchunksdownwithcoffee。Thehotandmuddyliquidwentbythenameofcoffee。Johnnythoughtitwascoffee——andexcellentcoffee。Thatwasoneofthefewoflife\'sillusionsthatremainedtohim。Hehadneverdrunkrealcoffeeinhislife。
Inadditiontothebread,therewasasmallpieceofcoldpork。Hismotherrefilledhiscupwithcoffee。Ashewasfinishingthebread,hebegantowatchifmorewasforthcoming。Sheinterceptedhisquestioningglance。
\"Now,don\'tbehoggish,Johnny,\"washercomment。\"You\'vehadyourshare。
Yourbrothersan\'sistersaresmaller\'nyou。\"
Hedidnotanswertherebuke。Hewasnotmuchofatalker。Also,heceasedhishungryglancingformore。Hewasuncomplaining,withapatiencethatwasasterribleastheschoolinwhichithadbeenlearned。Hefinishedhiscoffee,wipedhismouthonthebackofhishand,andstartedtorise。
\"Waitasecond,\"shesaidhastily。\"Iguesstheloafkinstandyouanotherslice——athinun。\"
Therewaslegerdemaininheractions。Withalltheseemingofcuttingaslicefromtheloafforhim,sheputloafandslicebackinthebreadboxandconveyedtohimoneofherowntwoslices。Shebelievedshehaddeceivedhim,buthehadnotedhersleight-of-hand。Nevertheless,hetookthebreadshamelessly。Hehadaphilosophythathismother,becauseofherchronicsickliness,wasnotmuchofaneateranyway。
Shesawthathewaschewingthebreaddry,andreachedoverandemptiedhercoffeecupintohis。
\"Don\'tsetgoodsomehowonmystomachthismorning,\"sheexplained。
Adistantwhistle,prolongedandshrieking,broughtbothofthemtotheirfeet。Sheglancedatthetinalarm-clockontheshelf。Thehandsstoodathalf-pastfive。Therestofthefactoryworldwasjustarousingfromsleep。Shedrewashawlabouthershoulders,andonherheadputadingyhat,shapelessandancient。
\"We\'vegottorun,\"shesaid,turningthewickofthelampandblowingdownthechimney。
Theygropedtheirwayoutanddownthestairs。Itwasclearandcold,andJohnnyshiveredatthefirstcontactwiththeoutsideair。Thestarshadnotyetbeguntopaleinthesky,andthecitylayinblackness。BothJohnnyandhismothershuffledtheirfeetastheywalked。Therewasnoambitioninthelegmusclestoswingthefeetclearoftheground。
Afterfifteensilentminutes,hismotherturnedofftotheright。
\"Don\'tbelate,\"washerfinalwarningfromoutofthedarkthatwasswallowingherup。
Hemadenoresponse,steadilykeepingonhisway。Inthefactoryquarter,doorswereopeningeverywhere,andhewassoononeofamultitudethatpressedonwardthroughthedark。Asheenteredthefactorygatethewhistleblewagain。Heglancedattheeast。Acrossaraggedsky-lineofhousetopsapalelightwasbeginningtocreep。Thismuchhesawofthedayasheturnedhisbackuponitandjoinedhisworkgang。
Hetookhisplaceinoneofmanylongrowsofmachines。Beforehim,aboveabinfilledwithsmallbobbins,werelargebobbinsrevolvingrapidly。
Uponthesehewoundthejute-twineofthesmallbobbins。Theworkwassimple。Allthatwasrequiredwascelerity。Thesmallbobbinswereemptiedsorapidly,andthereweresomanylargebobbinsthatdidtheemptying,thattherewerenoidlemoments。
Heworkedmechanically。Whenasmallbobbinranout,heusedhislefthandforabrake,stoppingthelargebobbinandatthesametime,withthumbandforefinger,catchingtheflyingendoftwine。Also,atthesametime,withhisrighthand,hecaughtuptheloosetwine-endofasmallbobbin。Thesevariousactswithbothhandswereperformedsimultaneouslyandswiftly。
Thentherewouldcomeaflashofhishandsasheloopedtheweaver\'sknotandreleasedthebobbin。Therewasnothingdifficultaboutweaver\'sknots。
Heonceboastedhecouldtietheminhissleep。Andforthatmatter,hesometimesdid,toilingcenturieslonginasinglenightattyinganendlesssuccessionofweaver\'sknots。
Someoftheboysshirked,wastingtimeandmachinerybynotreplacingthesmallbobbinswhentheyranout。Andtherewasanoverseertopreventthis。HecaughtJohnny\'sneighbouratthetrick,andboxedhisears。
\"LookatJohnnythere——whyain\'tyoulikehim?\"theoverseerwrathfullydemanded。
Johnny\'sbobbinswererunningfullblast,buthedidnotthrillattheindirectpraise。Therehadbeenatime……butthatwaslongago,verylongago。Hisapatheticfacewasexpressionlessashelistenedtohimselfbeingheldupasashiningexample。Hewastheperfectworker。Heknewthat。Hehadbeentoldso,often。Itwasacommonplace,andbesidesitdidn\'tseemtomeananythingtohimanymore。Fromtheperfectworkerhehadevolvedintotheperfectmachine。Whenhisworkwentwrong,itwaswithhimaswiththemachine,duetofaultymaterial。Itwouldhavebeenaspossibleforaperfectnail-dietocutimperfectnailsasforhimtomakeamistake。
Andsmallwonder。Therehadneverbeenatimewhenhehadnotbeeninintimaterelationshipwithmachines。Machineryhadalmostbeenbredintohim,andatanyratehehadbeenbroughtuponit。Twelveyearsbefore,therehadbeenasmallflutterofexcitementintheloomroomofthisverymill。Johnny\'smotherhadfainted。Theystretchedheroutonthefloorinthemidstoftheshriekingmachines。Acoupleofelderlywomenwerecalledfromtheirlooms。Theforemanassisted。Andinafewminutestherewasonemoresoulintheloomroomthanhadenteredbythedoors。ItwasJohnny,bornwiththepounding,crashingroaroftheloomsinhisears,drawingwithhisfirstbreaththewarm,moistairthatwasthickwithflyinglint。Hehadcoughedthatfirstdayinordertoridhislungsofthelint;andforthesamereasonhehadcoughedeversince。
TheboyalongsideofJohnnywhimperedandsniffed。Theboy\'sfacewasconvulsedwithhatredfortheoverseerwhokeptathreateningeyeonhimfromadistance;buteverybobbinwasrunningfull。Theboyyelledterribleoathsintothewhirlingbobbinsbeforehim;butthesounddidnotcarryhalfadozenfeet,theroaringoftheroomholdingitinandcontainingitlikeawall。
OfallthisJohnnytooknonotice。Hehadawayofacceptingthings。
Besides,thingsgrowmonotonousbyrepetition,andthisparticularhappeninghehadwitnessedmanytimes。Itseemedtohimasuselesstoopposetheoverseerastodefythewillofamachine。Machinesweremadetogoincertainwaysandtoperformcertaintasks。Itwasthesamewiththeoverseer。
Butateleveno\'clocktherewasexcitementintheroom。Inanapparentlyoccultwaytheexcitementinstantlypermeatedeverywhere。Theone-leggedboywhoworkedontheothersideofJohnnybobbedswiftlyacrossthefloortoabintruckthatstoodempty。Intothishedivedoutofsight,crutchandall。Thesuperintendentofthemillwascomingalong,accompaniedbyayoungman。Hewaswelldressedandworeastarchedshirt——agentleman,inJohnny\'sclassificationofmen,andalso,\"theInspector。\"
Helookedsharplyattheboysashepassedalong。Sometimeshestoppedandaskedquestions。Whenhedidso,hewascompelledtoshoutatthetopofhislungs,atwhichmomentshisfacewasludicrouslycontortedwiththestrainofmakinghimselfheard。HisquickeyenotedtheemptymachinealongsideofJohnny\'s,buthesaidnothing。Johnnyalsocaughthiseye,andhestoppedabruptly。HecaughtJohnnybythearmtodrawhimbackastepfromthemachine;butwithanexclamationofsurprisehereleasedthearm。
\"Prettyskinny,\"thesuperintendentlaughedanxiously。
\"Pipestems,\"wastheanswer。\"Lookatthoselegs。Theboy\'sgottherickets——incipient,buthe\'sgotthem。Ifepilepsydoesn\'tgethimintheend,itwillbebecausetuberculosisgetshimfirst。\"
Johnnylistened,butdidnotunderstand。Furthermorehewasnotinterestedinfutureills。Therewasanimmediateandmoreseriousillthatthreatenedhimintheformoftheinspector。
\"Now,myboy,Iwantyoutotellmethetruth,\"theinspectorsaid,orshouted,bendingclosetotheboy\'seartomakehimhear。\"Howoldareyou?\"
\"Fourteen,\"Johnnylied,andheliedwiththefullforceofhislungs。Soloudlydidheliethatitstartedhimoffinadry,hackingcoughthatliftedthelintwhichhadbeensettlinginhislungsallmorning。
\"Lookssixteenatleast,\"saidthesuperintendent。
\"Orsixty,\"snappedtheinspector。
\"He\'salwayslookedthatway。\"
\"Howlong?\"askedtheinspector,quickly。
\"Foryears。Nevergetsabitolder。\"
\"Oryounger,Idaresay。Isupposehe\'sworkedhereallthoseyears?\"
\"Offandon——butthatwasbeforethenewlawwaspassed,\"thesuperintendenthastenedtoadd。
\"Machineidle?\"theinspectorasked,pointingattheunoccupiedmachinebesideJohnny\'s,inwhichthepart-filledbobbinswereflyinglikemad。
\"Looksthatway。\"Thesuperintendentmotionedtheoverseertohimandshoutedinhisearandpointedatthemachine。\"Machine\'sidle,\"hereportedbacktotheinspector。
Theypassedon,andJohnnyreturnedtohiswork,relievedinthattheillhadbeenaverted。Buttheone-leggedboywasnotsofortunate。Thesharp-
eyedinspectorhaledhimoutatarmslengthfromthebintruck。Hislipswerequivering,andhisfacehadalltheexpressionofoneuponwhomwasfallenprofoundandirremediabledisaster。Theoverseerlookedastounded,asthoughforthefirsttimehehadlaideyesontheboy,whilethesuperintendent\'sfaceexpressedshockanddispleasure。
\"Iknowhim,\"theinspectorsaid。\"He\'stwelveyearsold。I\'vehadhimdischargedfromthreefactoriesinsidetheyear。Thismakesthefourth。\"
Heturnedtotheone-leggedboy。\"Youpromisedme,wordandhonour,thatyou\'dgotoschool。\"
Theone-leggedboyburstintotears。\"Please,Mr。Inspector,twobabiesdiedonus,andwe\'reawfulpoor。\"
\"Whatmakesyoucoughthatway?\"theinspectordemanded,asthoughcharginghimwithcrime。
Andasindenialofguilt,theone-leggedboyreplied:\"Itain\'tnothin\'。
Ijes\'caughtacoldlastweek,Mr。Inspector,that\'sall。\"
Intheendtheone-leggedboywentoutoftheroomwiththeinspector,thelatteraccompaniedbytheanxiousandprotestingsuperintendent。Afterthatmonotonysettleddownagain。Thelongmorningandthelongerafternoonworeawayandthewhistleblewforquittingtime。DarknesshadalreadyfallenwhenJohnnypassedoutthroughthefactorygate。Intheintervalthesunhadmadeagoldenladderofthesky,floodedtheworldwithitsgraciouswarmth,anddroppeddownanddisappearedinthewestbehindaraggedsky-lineofhousetops。
Supperwasthefamilymealoftheday——theonemealatwhichJohnnyencounteredhisyoungerbrothersandsisters。Itpartookofthenatureofanencounter,tohim,forhewasveryold,whiletheyweredistressinglyyoung。Hehadnopatiencewiththeirexcessiveandamazingjuvenility。Hedidnotunderstandit。Hisownchildhoodwastoofarbehindhim。Hewaslikeanoldandirritableman,annoyedbytheturbulenceoftheiryoungspiritsthatwastohimarrantsilliness。Hegloweredsilentlyoverhisfood,findingcompensationinthethoughtthattheywouldsoonhavetogotowork。Thatwouldtaketheedgeoffofthemandmakethemsedateanddignified——likehim。Thusitwas,afterthefashionofthehuman,thatJohnnymadeofhimselfayardstickwithwhichtomeasuretheuniverse。
Duringthemeal,hismotherexplainedinvariouswaysandwithinfiniterepetitionthatshewastryingtodothebestshecould;sothatitwaswithrelief,thescantmealended,thatJohnnyshovedbackhischairandarose。Hedebatedforamomentbetweenbedandthefrontdoor,andfinallywentoutthelatter。Hedidnotgofar。Hesatdownonthestoop,hiskneesdrawnupandhisnarrowshouldersdroopingforward,hiselbowsonhiskneesandthepalmsofhishandssupportinghischin。
Ashesatthere,hedidnothinking。Hewasjustresting。Sofarashismindwasconcerned,itwasasleep。Hisbrothersandsisterscameout,andwithotherchildrenplayednoisilyabouthim。Anelectricglobeatthecornerlightedtheirfrolics。Hewaspeevishandirritable,thattheyknew;butthespiritofadventureluredthemintoteasinghim。Theyjoinedhandsbeforehim,and,keepingtimewiththeirbodies,chantedinhisfaceweirdanduncomplimentarydoggerel。Atfirsthesnarledcursesatthem——
curseshehadlearnedfromthelipsofvariousforemen。Findingthisfutile,andrememberinghisdignity,herelapsedintodoggedsilence。
HisbrotherWill,nexttohiminage,havingjustpassedhistenthbirthday,wastheringleader。Johnnydidnotpossessparticularlykindlyfeelingstowardhim。HislifehadearlybeenembitteredbycontinualgivingoverandgivingwaytoWill。HehadadefinitefeelingthatWillwasgreatlyinhisdebtandwasungratefulaboutit。Inhisownplaytime,farbackinthedimpast,hehadbeenrobbedofalargepartofthatplaytimebybeingcompelledtotakecareofWill。Willwasababythen,andthen,asnow,theirmotherhadspentherdaysinthemills。ToJohnnyhadfallenthepartoflittlefatherandlittlemotheraswell。
Willseemedtoshowthebenefitofthegivingoverandthegivingway。Hewaswell-built,fairlyrugged,astallashiselderbrotherandevenheavier。Itwasasthoughthelife-bloodoftheonehadbeendivertedintotheother\'sveins。Andinspiritsitwasthesame。Johnnywasjaded,wornout,withoutresilience,whilehisyoungerbrotherseemedburstingandspillingoverwithexuberance。
Themockingchantroselouderandlouder。Willleanedcloserashedanced,thrustingouthistongue。Johnny\'sleftarmshotoutandcaughttheotheraroundtheneck。Atthesametimeherappedhisbonyfisttotheother\'snose。Itwasapatheticallybonyfist,butthatitwassharptohurtwasevidencedbythesquealofpainitproduced。Theotherchildrenwereutteringfrightenedcries,whileJohnny\'ssister,Jennie,haddashedintothehouse。
HethrustWillfromhim,kickedhimsavagelyontheshins,thenreachedforhimandslammedhimfacedownwardinthedirt。Nordidhereleasehimtillthefacehadbeenrubbedintothedirtseveraltimes。Thenthemotherarrived,ananaemicwhirlwindofsolicitudeandmaternalwrath。
\"Whycan\'theleavemealone?\"wasJohnny\'sreplytoherupbraiding。
\"Can\'theseeI\'mtired?\"
\"I\'masbigasyou,\"Willragedinherarms,hisfaceamassoftears,dirt,andblood。\"I\'masbigasyounow,an\'I\'mgoin\'togitbigger。
ThenI\'lllickyou——seeifIdon\'t。\"
\"Yououghttobetowork,seein\'howbigyouare,\"Johnnysnarled。\"That\'swhat\'sthematterwithyou。Yououghttobetowork。An\'it\'suptoyourmatoputyoutowork。\"
\"Buthe\'stooyoung,\"sheprotested。\"He\'sonlyalittleboy。\"
\"Iwasyounger\'nhimwhenIstartedtowork。\"
Johnny\'smouthwasopen,furthertoexpressthesenseofunfairnessthathefelt,butthemouthclosedwithasnap。Heturnedgloomilyonhisheelandstalkedintothehouseandtobed。Thedoorofhisroomwasopentoletinwarmthfromthekitchen。Asheundressedinthesemi-darknesshecouldhearhismothertalkingwithaneighbourwomanwhohaddroppedin。Hismotherwascrying,andherspeechwaspunctuatedwithspiritlesssniffles。
\"Ican\'tmakeoutwhat\'sgittin\'intoJohnny,\"hecouldhearhersay。\"Hedidn\'tusedtobethisway。Hewasapatientlittleangel。
\"An\'heisagoodboy,\"shehastenedtodefend。\"He\'sworkedfaithful,an\'
hedidgotoworktooyoung。Butitwasn\'tmyfault。IdothebestIcan,I\'msure。\"
Prolongedsnifflingfromthekitchen,andJohnnymurmuredtohimselfashiseyelidscloseddown,\"YoubetcherlifeI\'veworkedfaithful。\"
Thenextmorninghewastornbodilybyhismotherfromthegripofsleep。
Thencamethemeagrebreakfast,thetrampthroughthedark,andthepaleglimpseofdayacrossthehousetopsasheturnedhisbackonitandwentinthroughthefactorygate。Itwasanotherday,ofallthedays,andallthedayswerealike。
Andyettherehadbeenvarietyinhislife——atthetimeshechangedfromonejobtoanother,orwastakensick。Whenhewassix,hewaslittlemotherandfathertoWillandtheotherchildrenstillyounger。Atsevenhewentintothemills——windingbobbins。Whenhewaseight,hegotworkinanothermill。Hisnewjobwasmarvellouslyeasy。Allhehadtodowastositdownwithalittlestickinhishandandguideastreamofcloththatflowedpasthim。Thisstreamofclothcameoutofthemawofamachine,passedoverahotroller,andwentonitswayelsewhere。Buthesatalwaysinoneplace,beyondthereachofdaylight,agas-jetflaringoverhim,himselfpartofthemechanism。
Hewasveryhappyatthatjob,inspiteofthemoistheat,forhewasstillyoungandinpossessionofdreamsandillusions。Andwonderfuldreamshedreamedashewatchedthesteamingclothstreamingendlesslyby。Buttherewasnoexerciseaboutthework,nocalluponhismind,andhedreamedlessandless,whilehismindgrewtorpidanddrowsy。Nevertheless,heearnedtwodollarsaweek,andtwodollarsrepresentedthedifferencebetweenacutestarvationandchronicunderfeeding。
Butwhenhewasnine,helosthisjob。Measleswasthecauseofit。Afterherecovered,hegotworkinaglassfactory。Thepaywasbetter,andtheworkdemandedskill。Itwaspiecework,andthemoreskilfulhewas,thebiggerwagesheearned。Herewasincentive。Andunderthisincentivehedevelopedintoaremarkableworker。
Itwassimplework,thetyingofglassstoppersintosmallbottles。Athiswaisthecarriedabundleoftwine。Heheldthebottlesbetweenhiskneessothathemightworkwithbothhands。Thus,inasittingpositionandbendingoverhisownknees,hisnarrowshouldersgrewhumpedandhischestwascontractedfortenhourseachday。Thiswasnotgoodforthelungs,buthetiedthreehundreddozenbottlesaday。
Thesuperintendentwasveryproudofhim,andbroughtvisitorstolookathim。Intenhoursthreehundreddozenbottlespassedthroughhishands。
Thismeantthathehadattainedmachine-likeperfection。Allwastemovementswereeliminated。Everymotionofhisthinarms,everymovementofamuscleinthethinfingers,wasswiftandaccurate。Heworkedathightension,andtheresultwasthathegrewnervous。Atnighthismusclestwitchedinhissleep,andinthedaytimehecouldnotrelaxandrest。Heremainedkeyedupandhismusclescontinuedtotwitch。Alsohegrewsallowandhislint-coughgrewworse。Thenpneumonialaidholdofthefeeblelungswithinthecontractedchest,andhelosthisjobintheglass-works。
Nowhehadreturnedtothejutemillswherehehadfirstbegunwithwindingbobbins。Butpromotionwaswaitingforhim。Hewasagoodworker。Hewouldnextgoonthestarcher,andlaterhewouldgointotheloomroom。
Therewasnothingafterthatexceptincreasedefficiency。
Themachineryranfasterthanwhenhehadfirstgonetowork,andhismindranslower。Henolongerdreamedatall,thoughhisearlieryearshadbeenfullofdreaming。Oncehehadbeeninlove。Itwaswhenhefirstbeganguidingtheclothoverthehotroller,anditwaswiththedaughterofthesuperintendent。Shewasmucholderthanhe,ayoungwoman,andhehadseenheratadistanceonlyapaltryhalf-dozentimes。Butthatmadenodifference。Onthesurfaceoftheclothstreamthatpouredpasthim,hepicturedradiantfutureswhereinheperformedprodigiesoftoil,inventedmiraculousmachines,wontothemastershipofthemills,andintheendtookherinhisarmsandkissedhersoberlyonthebrow。
Butthatwasallinthelongago,beforehehadgrowntoooldandtiredtolove。Also,shehadmarriedandgoneaway,andhismindhadgonetosleep。
Yetithadbeenawonderfulexperience,andheusedoftentolookbackuponitasothermenandwomenlookbackuponthetimetheybelievedinfairies。
HehadneverbelievedinfairiesnorSantaClaus;buthehadbelievedimplicitlyinthesmilingfuturehisimaginationhadwroughtintothesteamingclothstream。
Hehadbecomeamanveryearlyinlife。Atseven,whenhedrewhisfirstwages,beganhisadolescence。Acertainfeelingofindependencecreptupinhim,andtherelationshipbetweenhimandhismotherchanged。Somehow,asanearnerandbreadwinner,doinghisownworkintheworld,hewasmorelikeanequalwithher。Manhood,full-blownmanhood,hadcomewhenhewaseleven,atwhichtimehehadgonetoworkonthenightshiftforsixmonths。Nochildworksonthenightshiftandremainsachild。
Therehadbeenseveralgreateventsinhislife。OneofthesehadbeenwhenhismotherboughtsomeCaliforniaprunes。Twoothershadbeenthetwotimeswhenshecookedcustard。Thosehadbeenevents。Herememberedthemkindly。Andatthattimehismotherhadtoldhimofablissfuldishshewouldsometimemake——\"floatingisland,\"shehadcalledit,\"betterthancustard。\"Foryearshehadlookedforwardtothedaywhenhewouldsitdowntothetablewithfloatingislandbeforehim,untilatlasthehadrelegatedtheideaofittothelimboofunattainableideals。
Oncehefoundasilverquarterlyingonthesidewalk。That,also,wasagreateventinhislife,withalatragicone。Heknewhisdutyontheinstantthesilverflashedonhiseyes,beforeevenhehadpickeditup。
Athome,asusual,therewasnotenoughtoeat,andhomeheshouldhavetakenitashedidhiswageseverySaturdaynight。Rightconductinthiscasewasobvious;butheneverhadanyspendingofhismoney,andhewassufferingfromcandyhunger。Hewasravenousforthesweetsthatonlyonred-letterdayshehadevertastedinhislife。
Hedidnotattempttodeceivehimself。Heknewitwassin,anddeliberatelyhesinnedwhenhewentonafifteen-centcandydebauch。Tencentshesavedforafutureorgy;butnotbeingaccustomedtothecarryingofmoney,helostthetencents。Thisoccurredatthetimewhenhewassufferingallthetormentsofconscience,anditwastohimanactofdivineretribution。HehadafrightenedsenseoftheclosenessofanawfulandwrathfulGod。Godhadseen,andGodhadbeenswifttopunish,denyinghimeventhefullwagesofsin。
Inmemoryhealwayslookedbackuponthatastheonegreatcriminaldeedofhislife,andattherecollectionhisconsciencealwaysawokeandgavehimanothertwinge。Itwastheoneskeletoninhiscloset。Also,beingsomade,andcircumstanced,helookedbackuponthedeedwithregret。Hewasdissatisfiedwiththemannerinwhichhehadspentthequarter。Hecouldhaveinvesteditbetter,and,outofhislaterknowledgeofthequicknessofGod,hewouldhavebeatenGodoutbyspendingthewholequarteratonefellswoop。Inretrospecthespentthequarterathousandtimes,andeachtimetobetteradvantage。
Therewasoneothermemoryofthepast,dimandfaded,butstampedintohissouleverlastingbythesavagefeetofhisfather。Itwasmorelikeanightmarethanarememberedvisionofaconcretething——moreliketherace-
memoryofmanthatmakeshimfallinhissleepandthatgoesbacktohisarborealancestry。
ThisparticularmemorynevercametoJohnnyinbroaddaylightwhenhewaswideawake。Itcameatnight,inbed,atthemomentthathisconsciousnesswassinkingdownandlosingitselfinsleep。Italwaysarousedhimtofrightenedwakefulness,andforthemoment,inthefirstsickeningstart,itseemedtohimthathelaycrosswiseonthefootofthebed。Inthebedwerethevagueformsofhisfatherandmother。Heneversawwhathisfatherlookedlike。Hehadbutoneimpressionofhisfather,andthatwasthathehadsavageandpitilessfeet。
Hisearliermemorieslingeredwithhim,buthehadnolatememories。Alldayswerealike。Yesterdayorlastyearwerethesameasathousandyears——
oraminute。Nothingeverhappened。Therewerenoeventstomarkthemarchoftime。Timedidnotmarch。Itstoodalwaysstill。Itwasonlythewhirlingmachinesthatmoved,andtheymovednowhere——inspiteofthefactthattheymovedfaster。
Whenhewasfourteen,hewenttoworkonthestarcher。Itwasacolossalevent。Somethinghadatlasthappenedthatcouldberememberedbeyondanight\'ssleeporaweek\'spay-day。Itmarkedanera。ItwasamachineOlympiad,athingtodatefrom。\"WhenIwenttoworkonthestarcher,\"or,\"after,\"or\"beforeIwenttoworkonthestarcher,\"weresentencesoftenonhislips。
Hecelebratedhissixteenthbirthdaybygoingintotheloomroomandtakingaloom。Herewasanincentiveagain,foritwaspiece-work。Andheexcelled,becausetheclayofhimhadbeenmouldedbythemillsintotheperfectmachine。Attheendofthreemonthshewasrunningtwolooms,and,later,threeandfour。
Attheendofhissecondyearattheloomshewasturningoutmoreyardsthananyotherweaver,andmorethantwiceasmuchassomeofthelessskilfulones。Andathomethingsbegantoprosperasheapproachedthefullstatureofhisearningpower。Not,however,thathisincreasedearningswereinexcessofneed。Thechildrenweregrowingup。Theyatemore。Andtheyweregoingtoschool,andschool-bookscostmoney。Andsomehow,thefasterheworked,thefasterclimbedthepricesofthings。
Eventherentwentup,thoughthehousehadfallenfrombadtoworsedisrepair。