AndnoframeofmindwaseversoselfcontradictoryandyetsorealisticasthatwhichDickensdescribeswhenhesays,ineffect,that,thoughPinchknewnowthattherehadneverbeensuchapersonasPecksniff,inhisidealsense,hecouldnotbringhimselftoinsulttheveryfaceandformthathadcontainedthelegend。TheparallelwithLiberaljournalismisnotperfect;becauseitwasoncehonest;andPecksniffpresumablyneverwas。AndevenwhenIcometofeelafinalincompatibilityoftemper,PecksniffwasnotsoPecksniffianashehassincebecome。ButthecomparisoniscompleteinsofarasIshareallthereluctanceofMr。
Pinch。SomeoldheathenkingwasadvisedbyoneoftheCelticsaints,I
think,toburnwhathehadadoredandadorewhathehadburnt。Iamquiteready,ifanyonewillproveIwaswrong,toadorewhatIhaveburnt;butI
doreallyfeelanunwillingnessverginguponweaknesstoburningwhatI
haveadored。Ithinkitisaweaknesstobeovercomeintimesasbadasthese,whenasMr。Oragewrotewithsomethinglikesplendidcommonsensetheotherdaythereissuchalottodoandsofewpeoplewhowilldoit。
SoIwilldevotethisarticletoconsideringonecaseoftheastoundingbasenesstowhichLiberaljournalismhassunk。
MentalBreakdowninFleetStreetOneofthetwoorthreestreaksoflightonourhorizoncanbeperceivedinthis:thatthemoralbreakdownofthesepapershasbeenaccompaniedbyamentalbreakdownalso。Thecontemporaryofficialpaper,likethe\"DailyNews\"orthe\"DailyChronicle\"Imeaninsofarasitdealswithpolitics,simplycannotargue;andsimplydoesnotpretendtoargue。Itconsidersthesolutionwhichitimaginesthatwealthypeoplewant,anditsignifiesthesameintheusualmanner;whichisnotbyholdingupitshand,butbyfallingonitsface。Butthereisnomorecuriousqualityinitsdegradationthanasortofcarelessness,atonceofhurryandfatigue,withwhichitflingsdownitsargument——orratheritsrefusaltoargue。
Itdoesnotevenwritesophistry:itwritesanything。Itdoesnotsomuchpoisonthereader\'smindassimplyassumethatthereaderhasn\'tgotone。
Forinstance,oneofthesepapersprintedanarticleonSirStuartSamuel,who,havingbrokenthegreatLiberalstatuteagainstcorruption,willactually,perhaps,beaskedtopayhisownfine——inspiteofthefactthathecanwellaffordtodoso。Thearticlesays,ifIrememberaright,thatthedecisionwillcausegeneralsurpriseandsomeindignation。ThatanymodernGovernmentmakingaveryrichcapitalistobeythelawwillcausegeneralsurprise,maybetrue。WhetheritwillcausegeneralindignationratherdependsonwhetheroursocialintercourseisentirelyconfinedtoParkLane,oranysuchpigstiesbuiltofgold。Butthejournalistproceedstosay,hisneckrisinghigherandhigheroutofhiscollar,andhishairrisinghigherandhigheronhishead,inshort,hisresemblancetotheDickens\'originalincreasingeveryinstant,thathedoesnotmeanthatthelawagainstcorruptionshouldbelessstringent,butthattheburdenshouldbebornebythewholecommunity。Thismaymeanthatwheneverarichmanbreaksthelaw,allthepoormenoughttobemadetopayhisfine。ButIwillsupposeaslightlylessinsanemeaning。Iwillsupposeitmeansthatthewholepowerofthecommonwealthshouldbeusedtoprosecuteanoffenderofthiskind。That,ofcourse,canonlymeanthatthematterwillbedecidedbythatinstrumentwhichstillpretendstorepresentthewholepowerofthecommonwealth。Inotherwords,theGovernmentwilljudgetheGovernment。
Nowthisisaperfectlyplainpieceofbrutelogic。Weneednotgointotheotherdeliciousthingsinthearticle,aswhenitsaysthat\"inoldtimesParliamenthadtobeprotectedagainstRoyalinvasionbythemaninthestreet。\"Parliamenthastobeprotectednowagainstthemaninthestreet。Parliamentissimplythemostdetestedandthemostdetestableofallournationalinstitutions:allthatisevidentenough。Whatisinterestingistheblankandstaringfallacyoftheattemptedreply。
WhentheJournalistIsRuinedAlongwhileago,beforealltheLiberalsdied,aLiberalintroducedaBilltopreventParliamentbeingmerelypackedwiththeslavesoffinancialinterests。Forthatpurposeheestablishedtheexcellentdemocraticprinciplethattheprivatecitizen,assuch,mightprotestagainstpubliccorruption。HewascalledtheCommonInformer。Ibelievethemiserablepartypapersarereallyreducedtoplayingonthedegradationofthetwowordsinmodernlanguage。Nowtheword\"comnon\"in\"CommonInformer\"meansexactlywhatitmeansin\"commonsense\"or\"BookofCommonPrayer,\"oraboveallin\"HouseofCommons。\"Itdoesnotmeananythingloworvulgar;anymorethantheydo。TheonlydifferenceisthattheHouseofCommonsreallyislowandvulgar;andtheCommonInformerisn\'t。Itisjustthesamewiththeword\"Informer。\"Itdoesnotmeanspyorsneak。Itmeansonewhogivesinformation。Itmeanswhat\"journalist\"oughttomean。TheonlydifferenceisthattheCommonInformermaybepaidifhetellsthetruth。Thecommonjournalistwillberuinedifhedoes。
Nowthequiteplainpointbeforethepartyjournalististhis:IfhereallymeansthatacorruptbargainbetweenaGovernmentandacontractoroughttobejudgedbypublicopinion,hemustnowadaysmeanParliament;
thatis,thecaucusthatcontrolsParliament。Andhemustdecidebetweenoneoftwoviews。EitherhemeansthatthereCanbenosuchthingasacorruptGovernment。OrhemeansthatitisoneofthecharacteristicqualitiesofacorruptGovernmenttodenounceitsowncorruption。Ilaugh;
andIleavehimhischoice。
THEFATIGUEOFFLEETSTREET
Whyisthemodernpartypoliticaljournalismsobad?Itisworseeventhanitintendstobe。Itpraisesitspreposterouspartyleadersthroughthickandthin;butitsomehowsucceedsinmakingthemlookgreaterfoolsthantheyare。Thisclumsinessclingseventothephotographsofpublicmen,astheyaresnapshottedatpublicmeetings。Asensitivepoliticianifthereissuchathingwould,Ishouldthink,wanttomurderthemanwhosnapshotshimatthosemoments。Forourgeneralimpressionofaman\'sgestureorplayoffeatureismadeupofaseriesofvanishinginstants,atanyoneofwhichhemaylookworsethanourgeneralimpressionrecords。
Mr。AugustineBirrellmayhavemadequiteasensibleandamusingspeech,inthecourseofwhichhisaudiencewouldhardlyhavenoticedthatheresettledhisnecktie。Snapshothim,andheappearsasconvulsivelyclutchinghisthroatintheagoniesofstrangulation,andwithhisheadtwistedononesideasifhehadbeenhanged。SirEdwardCarsonmightmakeaperfectlygoodspeech,whichnoonethoughtwearisome,butmighthimselfbejusttiredenoughtoshiftfromonelegtotheother。Snapshothim,andheappearsasholdingonelegstifflyintheairandyawningenoughtoswallowtheaudience。ButitisintheprosenarrativesofthePressthatwefindmostmanifestationsofthisstrangeineptitude;thisknackofexhibitingyourownfavouritesinanunluckylight。Itisnotsomuchthatthepartyjournalistsdonottellthetruthasthattheytelljustenoughofittomakeitclearthattheyaretellinglies。Oneoftheirfavouriteblundersisanamazingsortofbathos。Theybeginbytellingyouthatsomestatesmansaidsomethingbrilliantinstyleorbitinginwit,atwhichhishearersthrilledwithterrororthunderedwithapplause。Andthentheytellyouwhatitwasthathesaid。Sillyasses!
InsaneExaggerationHereisanexamplefromaleadingLiberalpapertouchingthedebatesonHomeRule。IamaHomeRuler;somysympathieswouldbe,ifanything,onthesideoftheLiberalpaperuponthatpoint。Imerelyquoteitasanexampleofthisridiculouswayofwriting,which,byinsaneexaggeration,actuallymakesitsherolooksmallerthanheis。
Thiswasstrangelanguagetouseaboutthe\"hypocriticalsham,\"andMr。
Asquith,knowingthatthebiggestbattleofhiscareerwasuponhim,hitbackwithoutmercy。\"Ishouldlikefirsttoknow,\"saidhe,withaglanceathissupporters,\"whethermyproposalsareaccepted?\"
That\'sall。AndIreallydonotseewhypoorMr。AsquithshouldberepresentedashavingviolatedtheChristianvirtueofmercybysayingthat。Imyselfcouldcomposeagreatmanyparagraphsuponthesamemodel,eachcontainingitsstingingandperhapsunscrupulousepigram。As,forexample:——\"TheArchbishopofCanterbury,realisingthathischoicenowlaybetweendenyingGodandearningthecrownofmartyrdombydyingintorments,spokewithafrenzyofreligiouspassionthatmighthaveseemedfanaticalundercircumstanceslessintense。\'TheChildren\'sService,\'hesaidfirmly,withhisfacetothecongregation,\'willbeheldathalf-pastfourthisafternoonasusual。\'\"
Or,wemighthave:——\"LordRoberts,recognisingthathehadnowtofaceArmageddon,andthatifhelostthislastbattleagainstoverwhelmingoddstheindependenceofEnglandwouldbeextinguishedforever,addressedtohissoldierslookingatthemandnotfallingoffhishorseaspeechwhichbroughttheirnationalpassionstoboilingpoint,andmightwellhaveseemedblood-thirstyinquietertimes。Itendedwiththecelebrateddeclarationthatitwasafineday。\"
Orwemighthavethemuchgreaterexcitementofreadingsomethinglikethis:——\"TheAstronomerRoyal,havingrealisedthattheearthwouldcertainlybesmashedtopiecesbyacometunlesshisrequestsinconnectionwithwirelesstelegraphywereseriouslyconsidered,gaveanaddressattheRoyalSocietywhich,underothercircumstances,wouldhaveseemedundulydogmaticandemotionalanddeficientinscientificagnosticism。Thisaddresswhichhedeliveredwithoutanyattempttostandonhisheadincludedafierceandevenferociousdeclarationthatitisgenerallyeasiertoseethestarsbynightthanbyday。\"
Now,Icannotsee,onmyconscienceandreason,thatanyoneofmyimaginaryparagraphsismoreridiculousthantherealone。NobodycanbelievethatMr。AsquithregardsthesebelatedandcarefulcompromisesaboutHomeRuleas\"thebiggestbattleofhiscareer。\"Itisonlyjusticetohimtosaythathehashadbiggerbattlesthanthat。Nobodycanbelievethatanybodyofmen,bodilypresent,eitherthunderedorthrilledatamanmerelysayingthathewouldliketoknowwhetherhisproposalswereaccepted。No;itwouldbefarbetterforParliamentifitsdoorswereshutagain,andreporterswereexcluded。Inthatcase,theouterpublicdidheargenuinerumoursofalmostgiganticeloquence;suchasthatwhichhasperpetuatedPitt\'sreplyagainstthechargeofyouth,orFox\'sbludgeoningoftheideaofwarasacompromise。Itwouldbemuchbettertofollowtheoldfashionandletinnoreportersatallthantofollowthenewfashionandselectthestupidestreportersyoucanfind。
TheirLoadofLiesNow,whydopeopleinFleet-streettalksuchtosh?PeopleinFleet-streetarenotfools。Mostofthemhaverealisedrealitythroughwork;somethroughstarvation;somethroughdamnation,orsomethingdamnablylikeit。
Ithinkitissimplyandseriouslytruethattheyaretiredoftheirjob。
AsthegeneralsaidinM。Rostand\'splay,\"lafatigue!\"
IdoreallybelievethatthisisoneofthewaysinwhichGoddon\'tgetflurried,Natureifyoulikeisunexpectedlyavengedonthingsinfamousandunreasonable。Andthismethodisthatmen\'smoralandevenphysicaltenacityactuallygiveoutundersuchaloadoflies。TheygoonwritingtheirleadingarticlesandtheirParliamentaryreports。Theygoondoingitasaconvictgoesonpickingoakum。Butthepointisnotthatweareboredwiththeirarticles;thepointisthattheyare。Theworkisdoneworsebecauseitisdoneweaklyandwithouthumanenthusiasm。Anditisdoneweaklybecauseofthetruthwehavetoldsomanytimesinthisbook:
thatitisnotdoneformonarchy,forwhichmenwilldie;orfordemocracy,forwhichmenwilldie;orevenforaristocracy,forwhichmanymenhavedied。ItisdoneforathingcalledCapitalism:whichstandsoutquiteclearlyinhistoryinmanycuriousways。Butthemostcuriousthingaboutitisthatnomanhaslovedit;andnomandiedforit。
THEAMNESTYFORAGGRESSION
Ifthereistoriseoutofallthisredruinsomethinglikearepublicofjustice,itisessentialthatourviewsshouldberealviews;thatis,glimpsesoflivesandlandscapesoutsideourselves。Itisessentialthattheyshouldnotbemereopiumvisionsthatbeginandendinsmoke——andsooftenincannonsmoke。Imakenoapology,therefore,forreturningtothepurelypracticalandrealisticpointIurgedlastweek:thefactthatweshallloseeverythingwemighthavegainedifwelosetheideathattheresponsiblepersonisresponsible。
Forinstance,itisalmostspeciallysowiththeoneortwothingsinwhichtheBritishGovernment,ortheBritishpublic,reallyarebehavingbadly。Thefirst,andworstofthem,isthenon-extensionoftheMoratorium,ortruceofdebtorandcreditor,totheveryworldwheretherearethepoorestdebtorsandthccruellestcreditors。Thisisinfamous:
andshouldbe,ifpossible,moreinfamoustothosewhothinkthewarrightthantothosewhothinkitwrong。Everyoneknowsthatthepeoplewhocanleastpaytheirdebtsarethepeoplewhoarealwaystryingto。Amongthepoorapaymentmaybeasrashasaspeculation。Amongtherichabankruptcymaybeassafeasabank。Consideringtheclassfromwhichprivatesoldiersaretaken,thereisanatrociousmeannessintheideaofbuyingtheirbloodabroad,whileweselltheirsticksathome。TheEnglishlanguage,bytheway,isfullofdelicateparadoxes。Wetalkoftheprivatesoldiersbecausetheyarereallypublicsoldiers;andwetalkofthepublicschoolsbecausetheyarereallyprivateschools。Anyhow,thewrongisofthesortthatoughttoberesisted,asmuchinwarasinpeace。
OughttoBeHammeredButaslongaswespeakofitasacloudyconclusion,cometobyananonymousclubcalledParliament,oramaskedtribunalcalledtheCabinet,weshallnevergetsuchawrongrighted。Somebodyisofficiallyresponsiblefortheunfairness;andthatsomebodyoughttobehammered。
Theotherexample,lessimportantbutmoreludicrous,isthesillyboycottofGermansinEngland,extendingeventoGermanmusic。IdonotbelieveforamomentthattheEnglishpeoplefeelanysuchinsanefastidiousness。
AretheEnglishartistswhopractisetheparticularlyEnglishartofwater-colourtobeforbiddentousePrussianblue?ArealloldladiestoshoottheirPomeraniandogs?ButthoughEnglandwouldlaughatthis,shewillgetthecreditofit,andwillcontinue:untilweaskwhotheactualpersonsarewhofeelsurethatweshouldshudderataballadoftheRhine。
Itiscertainthatweshouldfindtheyarecapitalists。Itisveryprobablethatweshouldfindtheyareforeigners。
SomedaysagotheOfficialCounciloftheIndependentLabourParty,ortheIndependentCounciloftheOfficialLabourParty,ortheIndependentandOfficialCounciloftheLabourPartyIhavegotquitenervousaboutthesenamesanddistinctions;buttheyallseemtosaythesamethingbegantheirmanifestobysayingitwouldbedifficulttoassignthedegreesofresponsibilitywhicheachnationhadfortheoutbreakofthewar。
Afterwards,awriterinthe\"ChristianCommonwealth,\"lamentingwarinthenameofLabour,butinthelanguageofmyownromanticmiddle-class,saidthatallthenationsmustsharetheresponsibilityforthisgreatcalamityofwar。Nowexactlyaslongaswegoontalkinglikethatweshallhavewarafterwar,andcalamityaftercalamity,untilthecrackofdoom。Itsimplyamountstoapromiseofpardontoanypersonwhowillstartaquarrel。Itisanamnestyforassassins。Themomentanymanassaultsanyothermanhemakesalltheothermenasbadashimself。Hehasonlytostab,andtovanishinafogofforgetfulness。Therealeaglesofiron,thepredatoryEmpires,willbedelightedwiththisdoctrine。TheywillapplaudtheLabourConcertorCommittee,orwhateveritiscalled。Theywillwillinglytakeallthecrime,withonlyaquarteroftheconscience:
theywillbeasreadytosharethememoryastheyaretosharethespoil。
ThePowerswilldivideresponsibilityascalmlyastheydividedPoland。
TheWholeLoathsomeLoadButIstillstubbornlyandmeeklysubmitmypoint:thatyoucannotendwarwithoutaskingwhobeganit。Ifyouthinksomebodyelse,notGermany,beganit,thenblamethatsomebodyelse:donotblameeverybodyandnobody。
Perhapsyouthinkthatasmallsovereignpeople,freshfromtwotriumphantwars,oughttodiscrownitselfbeforesunrise;becausethenephewofaneighbouringEmperorhasbeenshotbyhisownsubjects。Verywell。ThenblameServia;and,totheextentofyourinfluence,youmaybepreventingsmallkingdomsbeingobstinateorevenprincesbeingshot。
PerhapsyouthinkthewholethingwasahugeconspiracyofRussia,withFranceasadupeandServiaasapretext。Verywell。ThenblameRussia;
and,totheextentofyourinfluence,youmaybepreventinggreatEmpiresfrommakingracialexcusesforaraid。PerhapsyouthinkFrancewrongforfeelingwhatyoucall\"revenge,\"andIshouldcallrecoveryofstolengoods。PerhapsyoublameBelgiumforbeingsentimentalaboutherfrontier;
orEnglandforbeingsentimentalaboutherword。Ifso,blamethem;orwhicheverofthemyouthinkistoblame。Oragain,itisbarelypossiblethatyoumaythink,asIdo,thatthewholeloathsomeloadhasbeenlaiduponusbythemonarchywhichIhavenotnamed;stilllesswastedtimeinabusing。ButiftherebeinEuropeamilitaryStatewhichhasnotthereligionofRussia,yethashelpedRussiatotyranniseoverthePoles,thatStatecaresnotforreligion,butfortyranny。IftherebeaStateinEuropewhichhasnotthereligionoftheAustrians,buthashelpedAustriatobullytheServians,thatStatecaresnotforbelief,butforbullying。IftherebeinEuropeanypeopleorprincipalitywhichrespectsneitherrepublicsnorreligions,towhichthepoliticalidealofParisisasmuchamythasthemysticalidealofMoscow,thenblamethat:anddomorethanblame。InthehealthyandhighlytheologicalwordsofRobertBlatchford,driveitbacktotheHellfromwhichitcame。
CryingOverSpiltBloodButwhateveryoudo,donotblameeverybodyforwhatwascertainlydonebysomebody。Itmaybeitisnogoodcryingoverspiltblood,anymorethanoverspiltmilk。Butwedonotfindtheculpritanymorebyspillingthemilkovereverybody;orbydaubingeverybodywithblood。Stilllessdoweimprovemattersbywateringthemilkwithourtears,northebloodeither。
Tosaythateverybodyisresponsiblemeansthatnobodyisresponsible。
IfinthefutureweseeRussiaannexingRutlandaspartoftheoldKingdomofMuscovy,ifweseeBavariatakingasuddenfancytotheBankofEngland,ortheKingoftheCannibalIslandssuddenlydemandingatributeofedibleboysandgirlsfromEnglandandAmerica,wemaybequitecertainalsothattheLeaderoftheLabourPartywillrise,withaslightcough,andsay:\"Itwouldbeadifficulttasktoapportiontheblamebetweenthevariousclaimswhich……\"
REVIVETHECOURTJESTER
IhopetheGovernmentwillnotthinkjustnowaboutappointingaPoetLaureate。Ihardlythinktheycanbealtogetherintherightmood。Thebusinessjustnowbeforethecountrymakesaverygooddetectivestory;
butasanationalepicitisalittledepressing。Jingoliteraturealwaysweakensanation;butevenhealthypatrioticliteraturehasitspropertimeandoccasion。Forinstance,Mr。Newboltwhohasbeensuggestedforthepostisaveryfinepoet;butIthinkhispatrioticlyricswouldjustnowratherjaruponapatriot。WearerathertoomuchconcernedaboutourpracticalseamanshiptofeelquiteconfidentthatDrakewillreturnand\"drumthemuptheChannelashedrummedthemlongago。\"Onthecontrary,wehaveanuncomfortablefeelingthatDrake\'sshipmightsuddenlygotothebottom,becausethecapitalistshavemadeLloydGeorgeabolishthePlimsollLine。Onecouldnot,withoutbeingunderstoodironically,adjurethetwopartyteamsto-dayto\"playup,playupandplaythegame,\"orto\"lovethegamemorethantheprize。\"Andthereisnonationalheroatthismomentinthesoldieringline——unless,perhaps,itisMajorArcher-Shee——ofwhomanyonewouldbelikelytosay:\"Sedmiles;sedpropatria。\"Thereis,indeed,onebeautifulpoemofMr。Newbolt\'swhichmayminglefaintlywithone\'sthoughtsinsuchtimes,butthat,alas,istoaverydifferenttune。ImeanthatoneinwhichheechoesTurner\'sconceptionoftheoldwoodenshipvanishingwithallthevaliantmemoriesoftheEnglish:
There\'safarbellringingAtthesettingofthesun,AndaphantomvoiceissingingOfthegreatdaysdone。
There\'safarbellringing,AndaphantomvoiceissingingOfafameforeverclingingTothegreatdaysdone。
Forthesunsetbreezesshiver,Temeraire,Temeraire,Andshe\'sfadingdowntheriver……
Well,well,neitheryounorIknowwhethersheisfadingdowntheriverornot。Itisquiteenoughforustoknow,asKingAlfreddid,thatagreatmanypirateshavelandedonbothbanksoftheThames。
PraiseandProphecyImpossibleAtthismomentthatistheonlykindofpatrioticpoemthatcouldsatisfytheemotionsofapatrioticperson。ButitcertainlyisnotthesortofpoemthatisexpectedfromaPoetLaureate,eitheronthehighestorthelowesttheoryofhisoffice。Heiseitheragreatminstrelsingingthevictoriesofagreatking,orheisacommonCourtofficialliketheGroomofthePowderCloset。Inthefirstcasehispraisesshouldbetrue;inthesecondcasetheywillnearlyalwaysbefalse;butineithercasehemustpraise。Andwhatthereisforhimtopraisejustnowitwouldbeprecioushardtosay。Andifthereisnogreathopeofarealpoet,thereisstilllesshopeofarealprophet。WhatNewmancalled,Ithink,\"ThePropheticalOffice,\"thatis,theinstitutionofaninspiredprotestevenagainstaninspiredreligion,certainlywouldnotdoinmodernEngland。
TheCourtisnotlikelytokeepatameprophetinordertoencouragehimtobewild。ItisnotlikelytopayamantosaythatwolvesshallhowlinDowning-streetandvulturesbuildtheirnestsinBuckinghamPalace。Sovasthasbeentheprogressofhumanitythatthesetwothingsarequiteimpossible。Wecannothaveagreatpoetpraisingkings。Wecannothaveagreatprophetdenouncingkings。SoIhavetofallbackonathirdsuggestion。
TheFieldforaFoolInsteadofrevivingtheCourtPoet,whynotrevivetheCourtFool?HeistheonlypersonwhocoulddoanygoodatthismomenteithertotheRoyalorthejudicialCourts。Thepresentpoliticalsituationisutterlyunsuitableforthepurposesofagreatpoet。Butitisparticularlysuitableforthepurposesofagreatbuffoon。Theoldjesterwasundercertainprivileges:youcouldnotresentthejokesofafool,justasyoucannotresentthesermonsofacurate。Now,whatthepresentGovernmentofEnglandwantsisneitherseriouspraisenorseriousdenunciation;whatitwantsissatire。Whatitwants,inotherwords,isrealismgivenwithgusto。WhenKingLouistheEleventhunexpectedlyvisitedhisenemy,theDukeofBurgundy,withasmallescort,theDuke\'sjestersaidhewouldgivetheKinghisfool\'scap,forhewasthefoolnow。AndwhentheDukerepliedwithdignity,\"AndsupposeItreathimwithallproperrespect?\"
thefoolanswered,\"ThenIwillgiveittoyou。\"Thatisthekindofthingthatsomebodyoughttobefreetosaynow。Butifyousayitnowyouwillbefinedahundredpoundsattheleast。
Carson\'sDilemmaForthethingsthathavebeenhappeninglatelyarenotmerelythingsthatonecouldjokeabout。Theyarethemselves,trulyandintrinsically,jokes。
Imeanthatthereisasortofepigramofunreasoninthesituationitself,astherewasinthesituationwheretherewasjamyesterdayandjamto-morrowbutneverjamto-day。Take,forinstance,theextraordinarycaseofSirEdwardCarson。ThepointisnotwhetherweregardhisattitudeinBelfastasthedefianceofasincereanddogmaticrebel,orasthebluffofapartyhackandmountebank。ThepointisnotwhetherweregardhisdefenceoftheGovernmentattheOldBaileyasachivalrousandreluctantdutydoneasanadvocateorafriend,orasamerecaseofalawyersellinghissoulforafatbrief。Thepointisthatwhicheverofthetwoactionsweapprove,andwhicheverofthefourexplanationsweadopt,SirEdward\'spositionisstillravingnonsense。Onanyargument,hecannotescapefromhisdilemma。Itmaybearguedthatlawsandcustomsshouldbeobeyedwhateverourprivatefeelings;andthatitisanestablishedcustomtoacceptabriefinsuchacase。ButthenitisasomewhatmoreestablishedcustomtoobeyanActofParliamentandtokeepthepeace。ItmaybearguedthatextrememisgovernmentjustifiesmeninUlsterorelsewhereinrefusingtoobeythelaw。Butthenitwouldjustifythemevenmoreinrefusingtoappearprofessionallyinalawcourt。
EtiquettecannotbeatoncesounimportantthatCarsonmayshootattheKing\'suniform,andyetsoimportantthathemustalwaysbereadytoputonhisown。TheGovernmentcannotbesodisreputablethatCarsonneednotlaydownhisgun,andyetsorespectablethatheisboundtoputonhiswig。Carsoncannotatoncebesofiercethathecankillinwhatheconsidersagoodcause,andyetsomeekthathemustargueinwhatheconsidersabadcause。Obedienceordisobedience,conventionalorunconventional,asolicitor\'slettercannotbemoresacredthantheKing\'swrit;abluebagcannotbemorerationalthantheBritishflag。Thethingisrubbishreadanyway,andtheonlydifficultyistogetajokegoodenoughtoexpressit。ItisacasefortheCourtJester。Thephantasyofitcouldonlybeexpressedbysomehugeceremonialhoax。Carsonoughttobecrownedwiththeshamrocksandemeraldsandfollowedbygreen-cladminstrelsoftheClan-na-Gael,playing\"TheWearingoftheGreen。\"
BelatedChattinessbyWirelessButalltherecenteventsarelikethat。Theyarepracticaljokes。Thejokesdonotneedtobemade:theyonlyneedtobepointedout。YouandIdonottalkandactastheIsaacsbrotherstalkedandacted,bytheirownmostfavourableaccountofthemselves;andeventheiraccountofthemselveswasbynomeansfavourable。YouandIdonottalkofmeetingourownbornbrother\"atafamilyfunction\"asifheweresomeinfinitelydistantcousinwhomweonlymetatChristmas。YouandI,whenwesuddenlyfeelinclinedforachatwiththesamebrotherabouthisdinnerandtheCoalStrike,donotgenerallyselecteitherwirelesstelegraphyortheAtlanticCableasthemostobviousandeconomicalchannelforthatoutburstofbelatedchattiness。YouandIdonottalk,ifitisproposedtostartarailwaybetweenCatsvilleandDogtown,asiftheputtingupofastationatDogtowncouldhavenokindofeconomiceffectontheputtingupofastationatCatsville。YouandIdonotthinkitcandidtosaythatwhenweareatoneendofatelephonewehavenosortofconnectionwiththeotherend。Thesethingshavegotintotheregionoffarce;andshouldbedealtwithfarcically,notevenferociously。
AFoolWhoShallBeFreeIntheRomanRepublictherewasaTribuneofthePeople,whosepersonwasinviolablelikeanambassador\'s。TherewasmuchthesameideainBecket\'sattempttoremovethePriest,whowasthenthepopularchampion,fromtheordinarycourts。WeshallhavenoTribune;forwehavenorepublic。WeshallhavenoPriest;forwehavenoreligion。ThebestwedeserveorcanexpectisaFoolwhoshallbefree;andwhoshalldeliveruswithlaughter。
THEARTOFMISSINGTHEPOINT
Missingthepointisaveryfineart;andhasbeencarriedtosomethinglikeperfectionbypoliticiansandPressmento-day。Forthepointisgenerallyaverysharppoint;andis,moreover,sharpatbothends。Thatistosaythatbothpartieswouldprobablyimpalethemselvesinanuncomfortablemanneriftheydidnotmanagetoavoiditaltogether。I
havejustbeenlookingattheelectionaddressoftheofficialLiberalcandidateforthepartofthecountryinwhichIlive;andthoughitis,ifanything,rathermorelogicalandfreefromcantthanmostotherdocumentsofthesortitisanexcellentexampleofmissingthepoint。
ThecandidatehastogoboringonaboutFreeTradeandLandReformandEducation;andnobodyreadingitcouldpossiblyimaginethatinthetownofWycombe,wherethepollwillbedeclared,thecapitaloftheWycombedivisionofBuckswhichthecandidateiscontesting,centreoftheimportantandvitaltradeonwhichithasthriven,asavagestruggleaboutjusticehasbeenragingformonthspastbetweenthepoorandrich,asrealastheFrenchRevolution。ThemanofferinghimselfatWycombeasrepresentativeoftheWycombedivisionsimplysaysnothingaboutitatall。
ItisasifamanatthecrisisoftheFrenchTerrorhadofferedhimselfasadeputyforthetownofParis,andhadsaidnothingabouttheMonarchy,nothingabouttheRepublic,nothingaboutthemassacres,nothingaboutthewar;buthadexplainedwithgreatclearnesshisviewsonthesuppressionoftheJansenists,theliterarystyleofRacine,thesuitabilityofTurenaeforthepostofcommander-in-chief,andthereligiousreflectionsofMadamedeMaintenon。For,attheirbest,thecandidate\'stopicsarenottopical。HomeRuleisaverygoodthing,andmoderneducationisaverybadthing;butneitherofthemarethingsthatanybodyistalkingaboutinHighWycombe。Thisisthefirstandsimplestwayofmissingthepoint:deliberatelytoavoidandignoreit。
TheCandidCandidateItwouldbeanamusingexperiment,bytheway,togotothepointinsteadofavoidingit。WhatfunitwouldbetostandasastrictPartycandidate,butissueaperfectlyfrankandcynicalElectionAddress。Mr。
Mosley\'saddressbegins,\"Gentlemen,——SirAlfredCrippshavingbeenchosenforahighjudicialpositionandaseatintheHouseofLords,aby-electionnowbecomesnecessary,andtheelectorsofSouthBucksarechargedwiththeresponsibledutyofelecting,etc。,etc。\"Butsupposetherewereanothercandidatewhoseelectionaddressopenedinaplain,manlystyle,likethis:\"Gentlemen,——InthesincerehopeofbeingmyselfchosenforahighjudicialpositionoraseatintheHouseofLords,orconsiderablyincreasingmyprivatefortunebysomeGovernmentappointment,or,atleast,insideinformationaboutthefinancialprospects,Ihavedecidedthatitisworthmywhiletodisburselargesumsofmoneytoyouonvariouspretexts,and,withevenmorereluctancetoendurethebadspeakingandbadventilationoftheCommons\'HouseofParliament,sohelpmeGod。Ihaveverypronouncedconvictionsonvariouspoliticalquestions;
butIwillnottroublemyfellow-citizenswiththem,sinceIhavequitemadeupmymindtoabandonanyorallofthemifrequestedtodosobytheupperclasses。TheelectorsarethereforechargedwiththeentirelyirresponsibledutyofelectingaMember;or,inotherwords,Iaskmyneighboursroundaboutthispart,whoknowIamnotabadchapinmanyways,todomeagoodturninmybusiness,justasImightaskthemtochangeasovereign。Myelectionwillhavenoconceivablekindofeffectonanythingoranybodyexceptmyself;soIask,asmantoman,theElectorsoftheSouthernorWycombeDivisionoftheCountyofBuckinghamtoacceptarideinoneofmymotor-cars;andpollearlytopleaseapal——GodSavetheKing。\"IdonotknowwhetheryouorIwouldbeelectedifwepresentedourselveswithanelectionaddressofthatkind;butweshouldhavehadourfunandcomparativelyspeakingsavedoursouls;andIhaveastrongsuspicionthatweshouldbeelectedorrejectedonamechanicalmajoritylikeanybodyelse;nobodyhavingdreamedofreadinganelectionaddressanymorethananadvertisementofahairrestorer。
TyrannyandHead-DressButthereisanotherandmoresubtlewayinwhichwemaymissthepoint;
andthatis,notbykeepingadeadsilenceaboutit,butbybeingjustwittyenoughtostateitwrong。Thus,someoftheLiberalofficialpapershavealmostscreweduptheircouragetothesticking-pointaboutthebestialcoupd\'etatinSouthAfrica。Theyhavescreweduptheircouragetothesticking-point;andithasstuck。Itcannotgetanyfurther;
becauseithasmissedthemainpoint。ThemodernLiberalsmaketheirfeebleattemptstoattacktheintroductionofslaveryintoSouthAfricabytheDutchandtheJews,byaverytypicalevasionofthevitalfact。Thevitalfactissimplyslavery。MostoftheseDutchmenhavealwaysfeltlikeslave-owners。MostoftheseJewshavealwaysfeltlikeslaves。Nowthattheyareontop,theyhaveaparticularandcuriouskindofimpudence,whichisonlyknownamongslaves。ButtheLiberaljournalistswilldotheirbesttosuggestthattheSouthAfricanwrongconsistedinwhattheycallMartialLaw。Thatis,thatthereissomethingspeciallywickedaboutmendoinganactofcrueltyinkhakiorinvermilion,butnotifitisdoneindarkbluewithpewterbuttons。Thetyrantwhowearsabusbyoraforagecapisabominable;thetyrantwhowearsahorsehairwigisexcusable。Tobejudgedbysoldiersishell;buttobejudgedbylawyersisparadise。
Nowthepointmustnotbemissedinthisway。WhatiswrongwiththetyrannyinAfricaisnotthatitisrunbysoldiers。Itwouldbequiteasbad,orworse,ifitwererunbypolicemen。Whatiswrongisthat,forthefirsttimesincePagantimes,privatemenarebeingforcedtoworkforaprivateman。Menarebeingpunishedbyimprisonmentorexileforrefusingtoacceptajob。ThefactthatBothacanrideonahorse,orfireoffagun,makeshimbetterratherthanworsethananymanlikeSidneyWebborPhilipSnowden,whoattemptthesameslaverybymuchlessmanlymethods。TheLiberalPartywilltrytodivertthewholediscussiontooneaboutwhattheycallmilitarism。Buttheverytermsofmodernpoliticscontradictit。ForwhenwetalkofrealrebelsagainstthepresentsystemwecallthemMilitants。AndtherewillbenoneintheServileState。
THESERVILESTATEAGAIN
Ireadtheotherday,inaquotationfromaGermannewspaper,thehighlycharacteristicremarkthatGermanyhavingannexedBelgiumwouldsoonre-establishitscommerceandprosperity,andthat,inparticular,arrangementswerealreadybeingmadeforintroducingintothenewprovincetheGermanlawsfortheprotectionofworkmen。
IamquitecontentwiththatparagraphforthepurposeofanycontroversyaboutwhatiscalledGermanatrocity。IfmenIknowhadnottoldmetheyhadthemselvesseenthebayonetingofababy;ifthemostrespectablerefugeesdidnotbringwiththemstoriesofburningcottages——yes,andofburningcottagersaswell;ifdoctorsdidnotreportwhattheydoreportoftheconditionofgirlsinthehospitals;iftherewerenofacts;iftherewerenophotographs,thatonephraseIhavequotedwouldbequitesufficienttosatisfymethatthePrussiansaretyrants;tyrantsinapeculiarandalmostinsanesensewhichmakesthempre-eminentamongtheevilprincesoftheearth。Thefirstandmoststrikingfeatureisastupiditythatrisesintoasortofghastlyinnocence。Theprotectionofworkmen!Someworkmen,perhaps,mighthaveafancyforbeingprotectedfromshrapnel;somemightbegladtoputupanumbrellathatwouldwardoffthingsdroppingfromthegentleZeppelininheavenupontheplacebeneath。SomeofthesediscontentedproletarianshavetakenthesameviewasVanderveldetheirleader,andarenowenergeticallyengagedinprotectingthemselvesalongthelineoftheYser;Iamgladtosaynotaltogetherwithoutsuccess。ItisprobablethatnearlyalloftheBelgianworkerswould,onthewhole,prefertobeprotectedagainstbombs,sabres,burningcities,starvation,torture,andthetreasonofwickedkings。Inshort,itisprobable——itisatleastpossible,impiousasistheidea——thattheywouldprefertobeprotectedagainstGermansandalltheyrepresent。ButifaBelgianworkmanistoldthatheisnottobeprotectedagainstGermans,butactuallytobeprotectedbyGermans,I
thinkhemaybeexcusedforstaring。Hisfirstimpulse,Iimagine,willbetoask,\"Againstwhom?Arethereanyworsepeopletocomealong?\"
Butapartfromthehellishironyofthishumanitarianidea,thequestionitraisesisreallyoneofsolidimportanceforpeoplewhosepoliticsaremoreorlesslikeours。Thereisaveryurgentpointinthatquestion,\"AgainstwhomwouldtheBelgianworkmenbeprotectedbytheGermanlaws?\"
Andifwepursueit,weshallbeenabledtoanalysesomethingofthatpoison——verylargelyaPrussianpoison——whichhaslongbeenworkinginourowncommonwealth,totheenslavementoftheweakandthesecretstrengtheningofthestrong。ForthePrussianarmiesare,pre-eminently,theadvanceguardoftheServileState。Isaythisscientifically,andquiteapartfrompassionorevenfrompreference。IhavenoillusionsabouteitherBelgiumorEngland。BothhavebeenstainedwiththesootofCapitalismandblindedwiththesmokeofmereColonialambition;bothhavebeencaughtatadisadvantageinsuchmoderndirtanddisorder;bothhavecomeoutmuchbetterthanIshouldhaveexpectedcountriessomodemandsoindustrialtodo。ButinEnglandandBelgiumthereisCapitalismmixedupwithagreatmanyotherthings,strongthingsandthingsthatpursueotheraims;Clericalism,forinstance,andmilitantSocialisminBelgium;TradesUnionismandsportandtheremainsofrealaristocracyinEngland。ButPrussiaisCapitalism;thatis,agraduallysolidifyingslavery;andthatmajesticunitywithwhichshemoves,draggingallthedumbGermaniesafterher,isduetothefactthatherServileStateiscomplete,whileoursisincomplete。Therearenotmutinies;therearenotevenmockeries;thevoiceofnationalself-criticismhasbeenextinguishedforever。Forthispeopleisalreadypermanentlyclovenintoahigherandalowerclass:initsindustryasmuchasitsarmy。Itsemployersare,inthestrictestandmostsinistersense,captainsofindustry。Itsproletariatis,inthetruestandmostpitiablesense,anarmyoflabour。Inthatatmospheremastersbearuponthemthesignsthattheyaremorethanmen;andtoinsultanofficerisdeath。
Ifanyoneaskhowthisextremeandunmistakablesubordinationoftheemployedtotheemployersisbroughtabout,weallknowtheanswer。Itisbroughtaboutbyhungerandhardnessofheart,acceleratedbyacertainkindoflegislation,ofwhichwehavehadagooddeallatelyinEngland,butwhichwasalmostinvariablyborrowedfromPrussia。Mr。HerbertSamuel\'ssuggestionthatthepoorshouldbeabletoputtheirmoneyinlittleboxesandnotbeabletogetitoutagainisasortofstandingsymbolofalltherest。Ihaveforgottenhowthepoorweregoingtobenefiteventuallybywhatisforthemindistinguishablefromdroppingsixpencedownadrain。Perhapstheyweregoingtogetitbacksomeday;
perhapswhentheycouldproduceahundredcouponsoutoftheDailyCitizen;
perhapswhentheygottheirhaircut;perhapswhentheyconsentedtobeinoculated,ortrepanned,orcircumcised,orsomething。Germanyisfullofthissortoflegislation;andifyouaskedaninnocentGerman,whohonestlybelievedinit,whatitwas,hewouldanswerthatitwasfortheprotectionofworkmen。
Andifyouaskedagain\"Theirprotectionfromwhat?\"youwouldhavethewholeplanandproblemoftheServileStateplaininfrontofyou。
Whatevernotionthereis,thereisnonotionwhateverofprotectingtheemployedperson_fromhisemployer_。Muchlessisthereanyideaofhiseverbeinganywhereexceptunderanemployer。WhatevertheCapitalistwantshegets。Hemayhavethesensetowantwashedandwell-fedlabourersratherthandirtyandfeebleones,andtherestrictionsmayhappentoexistintheformoflawsfromtheKaiserorby-lawsfromtheKrupps。ButtheKaiserwillnotoffendtheKrupps,andtheKruppswillnotoffendtheKaiser。Lawsofthiskind,then,donotattempttoprotectworkmenagainsttheinjusticeoftheCapitalistastheEnglishTradeUnionsdid。TheydonotattempttoprotectworkmenagainsttheinjusticeoftheStateasthemediaevalguildsdid。Obviouslytheycannotprotectworkmenagainsttheforeigninvader——especiallywhenasinthecomiccaseofBelgiumtheyareimposedbytheforeigninvader。Whatthenaresuchlawsdesignedtoprotectworkmenagainst?Tigers,rattlesnakes,hyenas?
Oh,myyoungfriends;oh,myChristianbrethren,theyaredesignedtoprotectthispoorpersonfromsomethingwhichtothoseofestablishedrankismorehorridthanmanyhyenas。Theyaredesigned,myfriends,toprotectamanfromhimself——fromsomethingthatthemastersoftheearthfearmorethanfamineorwar,andwhichPrussiaespeciallyfearsaseverythingfearsthatwhichwouldcertainlybeitsend。Theyaremeanttoprotectamanagainsthimself——thatis,theyaremeanttoprotectamanagainsthismanhood。
AndifanyoneremindsmethatthereisaSocialistPartyinGermany,I
replythatthereisn\'t。
THEEMPIREOFTHEIGNORANT
ThatanarchicfuturewhichthemoretimidToriesprofessedtofearhasalreadyfallenuponus。Weareruledbyignorantpeople。ButthemostignorantpeopleinmodernBritainaretobefoundintheupperclass,themiddleclass,andespeciallytheuppermiddleclass。Idonotsayitwiththesmallestpetulanceorevendistaste;theseclassesareoftenreallybeneficentintheirbreedingortheirhospitality,ortheirhumanitytoanimals。
ThereisstillnobettercompanythantheyoungatthetwoUniversities,orthebestoftheoldintheArmyorsomeoftheotherservices。Also,ofcourse,thereareexceptionsinthematteroflearning;realscholarslikeProfessorGilbertMurrayorProfessorPhillimorearenotignorant,thoughthey_are_gentlemen。Butwhenonelooksupatanymassofthewealthierandmorepowerfulclasses,attheGrandStandatEpsom,atthewindowsofPark-lane,atthepeopleatafull-dressdebateorafashionablewedding,weshallbesafeinsayingthattheyare,forthemostpart,themostill-taught,oruntaught,creaturesintheseislands。
LiterallyIlliterateItisindeedtheirfeebleboastthattheyarenotliterallyilliterate。
Theyarealwayssayingtheancientbaronscouldnotsigntheirownnames——fortheyknowlessofhistoryperhapsthanofanythingelse。Themodernbarons,however,cansigntheirownnames——orsomeoneelse\'sforachange。Theycansigntheirownnames;andthatisaboutalltheycando。
Theycannotfaceafact,orfollowanargument,orfeelatradition;but,leastofall,canthey,uponanypersuasion,readthroughaplainimpartialbook,Englishorforeign,thatisnotspeciallywrittentosoothetheirpanicortopleasetheirpride。LookingupattheseseatsofthemightyIcanonlysay,withsomethingofdespair,whatRobertLowesaidoftheenfranchisedworkmen:\"Wemusteducateourmasters。\"