Thisoneisterse。Itranslate:
\"FourweeksforMISINTERPRETEDGALLANTRY。\"Iwishthesuffererhadexplainedalittlemorefully。
Afour-weektermisaratherseriousmatter。
Thereweremanyuncomplimentaryreferences,onthewalls,toacertainunpopulardignitary。Onesuffererhadgotthreedaysfornotsalutinghim。Anotherhad\"heretwodayssleptandthreenightslainawake,\"onaccountofthissame\"Dr。K。\"InoneplacewasapictureofDr。K。hangingonagallows。
Hereandthere,lonesomeprisonershadeasedtheheavytimebyalteringtherecordsleftbypredecessors。Leavingthenamestanding,andthedateandlengthofthecaptivity,theyhaderasedthedescriptionofthemisdemeanor,andwritteninitsplace,instaringcapitals,\"FORTHEFT!\"
or\"FORMURDER!\"orsomeothergaudycrime。Inoneplace,allbyitself,stoodthisblood-curdlingword:
\"Rache!\"[1]
1。\"Revenge!\"
Therewasnonamesigned,andnodate。Itwasaninscriptionwellcalculatedtopiquecuriosity。
Onewouldgreatlyliketoknowthenatureofthewrongthathadbeendone,andwhatsortofvengeancewaswanted,andwhethertheprisonereverachieveditornot。
Buttherewasnowayoffindingoutthesethings。
Occasionally,anamewasfollowedsimplybytheremark,\"IIdays,fordisturbingthepeace,\"andwithoutcommentuponthejusticeorinjusticeofthesentence。
Inoneplacewasahilariouspictureofastudentofthegreencapcorpswithabottleofchampagneineachhand;
andbelowwasthelegend:\"Thesemakeanevilfateendurable。\"
Thereweretwoprisoncells,andneitherhadspaceleftonwallsorceilingforanothernameorportraitorpicture。
TheinsidesurfacesofthetwodoorswerecompletelycoveredwithCARTESDEVISITEofformerprisoners,ingeniouslyletintothewoodandprotectedfromdirtandinjurybyglass。
Iverymuchwantedoneofthesorryoldtableswhichtheprisonershadspentsomanyyearsinornamentingwiththeirpocket-knives,butredtapewasintheway。
Thecustodiancouldnotsellonewithoutanorderfromasuperior;andthatsuperiorwouldhavetogetitfromHISsuperior;andthisonewouldhavetogetitfromahigherone——andsoonupandupuntilthefacultyshouldsitonthematteranddeliverfinaljudgment。
Thesystemwasright,andnobodycouldfindfaultwithit;
butitdidnotseemjustifiabletobothersomanypeople,soIproceedednofurther。ItmighthavecostmemorethanIcouldafford,anyway;foroneofthoseprisontables,whichwasatthetimeinaprivatemuseuminHeidelberg,wasafterwardsoldatauctionfortwohundredandfiftydollars。
Itwasnotworthmorethanadollar,orpossiblyadollarandhalf,beforethecaptivestudentsbegantheirworkonit。Personswhosawitattheauctionsaiditwassocuriouslyandwonderfullycarvedthatitwasworththemoneythatwaspaidforit。
Amongthemmanywhohavetastedthecollegeprison\'sdrearyhospitalitywasalivelyyoungfellowfromoneoftheSouthernstatesofAmerica,whosefirstyear\'sexperienceofGermanuniversitylifewasratherpeculiar。
ThedayhearrivedinHeidelbergheenrolledhisnameonthecollegebooks,andwassoelatedwiththefactthathisdearesthopehadfoundfruitionandhewasactuallyastudentoftheoldandrenowneduniversity,thathesettoworkthatverynighttocelebratetheeventbyagrandlarkincompanywithsomeotherstudents。
Inthecourseofhislarkhemanagedtomakeawidebreachinoneoftheuniversity\'smoststringentlaws。
Sequel:beforenoon,nextday,hewasinthecollegeprison——bookedforthreemonths。Thetwelvelongweeksdraggedslowlyby,andthedayofdeliverancecameatlast。
Agreatcrowdofsympathizingfellow-studentsreceivedhimwitharousingdemonstrationashecameforth,andofcoursetherewasanothergrandlark——inthecourseofwhichhemanagedtomakeawidebreachoftheCITY\'S
moststringentlaws。Sequel:beforenoon,nextday,hewassafeinthecitylockup——bookedforthreemonths。
Thissecondtediouscaptivitydrewtoanendinthecourseoftime,andagainagreatcrowdofsympathizingfellowstudentsgavehimarousingreceptionashecameforth;
buthisdelightinhisfreedomwassoboundlessthathecouldnotproceedsoberlyandcalmly,butmustgohoppingandskippingandjumpingdownthesleetystreetfromsheerexcessofjoy。Sequel:heslippedandbrokehisleg,andactuallylayinthehospitalduringthenextthreemonths!
Whenheatlastbecameafreemanagain,hesaidhebelievedhewouldhuntupabriskerseatoflearning;theHeidelberglecturesmightbegood,buttheopportunitiesofattendingthemweretoorare,theeducationalprocesstooslow;
hesaidhehadcometoEuropewiththeideathattheacquirementofaneducationwasonlyamatteroftime,butifhehadaveragedtheHeidelbergsystemcorrectly,itwasratheramatterofeternity。
APPENDIXD
TheAwfulGermanLanguageAlittlelearningmakesthewholeworldkin——
Proverbsxxxii,7。
IwentoftentolookatthecollectionofcuriositiesinHeidelbergCastle,andonedayIsurprisedthekeeperofitwithmyGerman。Ispokeentirelyinthatlanguage。
Hewasgreatlyinterested;andafterIhadtalkedawhilehesaidmyGermanwasveryrare,possiblya\"unique\";
andwantedtoaddittohismuseum。
Ifhehadknownwhatithadcostmetoacquiremyart,hewouldalsohaveknownthatitwouldbreakanycollectortobuyit。HarrisandIhadbeenhardatworkonourGermanduringseveralweeksatthattime,andalthoughwehadmadegoodprogress,ithadbeenaccomplishedundergreatdifficultyandannoyance,forthreeofourteachershaddiedinthemeantime。
ApersonwhohasnotstudiedGermancanformnoideaofwhataperplexinglanguageitis。
Surelythereisnotanotherlanguagethatissoslipshodandsystemless,andsoslipperyandelusivetothegrasp。
Oneiswashedaboutinit,hitherandthither,inthemosthelplessway;andwhenatlasthethinkshehascapturedarulewhichoffersfirmgroundtotakearestonamidthegeneralrageandturmoilofthetenpartsofspeech,heturnsoverthepageandreads,\"LetthepupilmakecarefulnoteofthefollowingEXCEPTIONS。\"Herunshiseyedownandfindsthattherearemoreexceptionstotherulethaninstancesofit。Sooverboardhegoesagain,tohuntforanotherAraratandfindanotherquicksand。
Suchhasbeen,andcontinuestobe,myexperience。
EverytimeIthinkIhavegotoneofthesefourconfusing\"cases\"whereIammasterofit,aseeminglyinsignificantprepositionintrudesitselfintomysentence,clothedwithanawfulandunsuspectedpower,andcrumblesthegroundfromunderme。Forinstance,mybookinquiresafteracertainbird——itisalwaysinquiringafterthingswhichareofnosortofnoconsequencetoanybody:\"Whereisthebird?\"Nowtheanswertothisquestion——accordingtothebook——isthatthebirdiswaitingintheblacksmithshoponaccountoftherain。Ofcoursenobirdwoulddothat,butthenyoumuststicktothebook。Verywell,IbegintocipherouttheGermanforthatanswer。Ibeginatthewrongend,necessarily,forthatistheGermanidea。
Isaytomyself,\"REGENrainismasculine——ormaybeitisfeminine——orpossiblyneuter——itistoomuchtroubletolooknow。Therefore,itiseitherDERtheRegen,orDIEtheRegen,orDAStheRegen,accordingtowhichgenderitmayturnouttobewhenIlook。Intheinterestofscience,Iwillcipheritoutonthehypothesisthatitismasculine。Verywell——thenTHErainisDERRegen,ifitissimplyinthequiescentstateofbeingMENTIONED,withoutenlargementordiscussion——Nominativecase;
butifthisrainislyingaround,inakindofageneralwayontheground,itisthendefinitelylocated,itisDOINGSOMETHING——thatis,RESTINGwhichisoneoftheGermangrammar\'sideasofdoingsomething,andthisthrowstherainintotheDativecase,andmakesitDEMRegen。However,thisrainisnotresting,butisdoingsomethingACTIVELY,——itisfalling——tointerferewiththebird,likely——andthisindicatesMOVEMENT,whichhastheeffectofslidingitintotheAccusativecaseandchangingDEMRegenintoDENRegen。\"Havingcompletedthegrammaticalhoroscopeofthismatter,IanswerupconfidentlyandstateinGermanthatthebirdisstayingintheblacksmithshop\"wegenonaccountofDENRegen。\"
Thentheteacherletsmesoftlydownwiththeremarkthatwhenevertheword\"wegen\"dropsintoasentence,itALWAYSthrowsthatsubjectintotheGENITIVEcase,regardlessofconsequences——andthereforethisbirdstayedintheblacksmithshop\"wegenDESRegens。\"
N。B——Iwasinformed,later,byahigherauthority,thattherewasan\"exception\"whichpermitsonetosay\"wegenDENRegen\"incertainpeculiarandcomplexcircumstances,butthatthisexceptionisnotextendedtoanythingBUTrain。
Therearetenpartsofspeech,andtheyarealltroublesome。
Anaveragesentence,inaGermannewspaper,isasublimeandimpressivecuriosity;itoccupiesaquarterofacolumn;
itcontainsallthetenpartsofspeech——notinregularorder,butmixed;itisbuiltmainlyofcompoundwordsconstructedbythewriteronthespot,andnottobefoundinanydictionary——sixorsevenwordscompactedintoone,withoutjointorseam——thatis,withouthyphens;
ittreatsoffourteenorfifteendifferentsubjects,eachenclosedinaparenthesisofitsown,withhereandthereextraparentheses,makingpenswithpens:finally,alltheparenthesesandreparenthesesaremassedtogetherbetweenacoupleofking-parentheses,oneofwhichisplacedinthefirstlineofthemajesticsentenceandtheotherinthemiddleofthelastlineofit——AFTERWHICHCOMES
THEVERB,andyoufindoutforthefirsttimewhatthemanhasbeentalkingabout;andaftertheverb——merelybywayofornament,asfarasIcanmakeout——thewritershovelsin\"HABENSINDGEWESENGEHABTHAVENGEWORDENSEIN,\"
orwordstothateffect,andthemonumentisfinished。
Isupposethatthisclosinghurrahisinthenatureoftheflourishtoaman\'ssignature——notnecessary,butpretty。
Germanbooksareeasyenoughtoreadwhenyouholdthembeforethelooking-glassorstandonyourhead——soastoreversetheconstruction——butIthinkthattolearntoreadandunderstandaGermannewspaperisathingwhichmustalwaysremainanimpossibilitytoaforeigner。
YeteventheGermanbooksarenotentirelyfreefromattacksoftheParenthesisdistemper——thoughtheyareusuallysomildastocoveronlyafewlines,andthereforewhenyouatlastgetdowntotheverbitcarriessomemeaningtoyourmindbecauseyouareabletorememberagooddealofwhathasgonebefore。NowhereisasentencefromapopularandexcellentGermannovel——whichaslightparenthesisinit。Iwillmakeaperfectlyliteraltranslation,andthrowintheparenthesis-marksandsomehyphensfortheassistanceofthereader——thoughintheoriginaltherearenoparenthesis-marksorhyphens,andthereaderislefttoflounderthroughtotheremoteverbthebestwayhecan:
\"Butwhenhe,uponthestreet,thein-satin-and-silk-covered-
now-very-unconstrained-after-the-newest-fashioned-dressed
governmentcounselor\'swifeMET,\"etc。,etc。[1]
1。WenneraberaufderStrassederinSammtundSeidegehu\"lltenjetzsehrungenirtnachderneustenmodegekleidetenRegierungsrathinbegegnet。
ThatisfromTHEOLDMAMSELLE\'SSECRET,byMrs。Marlitt。
AndthatsentenceisconstructeduponthemostapprovedGermanmodel。Youobservehowfarthatverbisfromthereader\'sbaseofoperations;well,inaGermannewspapertheyputtheirverbawayoveronthenextpage;
andIhaveheardthatsometimesafterstringingalongtheexcitingpreliminariesandparenthesesforacolumnortwo,theygetinahurryandhavetogotopresswithoutgettingtotheverbatall。Ofcourse,then,thereaderisleftinaveryexhaustedandignorantstate。
WehavetheParenthesisdiseaseinourliterature,too;andonemayseecasesofiteverydayinourbooksandnewspapers:
butwithusitisthemarkandsignofanunpracticedwriteroracloudyintellect,whereaswiththeGermansitisdoubtlessthemarkandsignofapracticedpenandofthepresenceofthatsortofluminousintellectualfogwhichstandsforclearnessamongthesepeople。
ForsurelyitisNOTclearness——itnecessarilycan\'tbeclearness。Evenajurywouldhavepenetrationenoughtodiscoverthat。Awriter\'sideasmustbeagooddealconfused,agooddealoutoflineandsequence,whenhestartsouttosaythatamanmetacounselor\'swifeinthestreet,andthenrightinthemidstofthissosimpleundertakinghaltstheseapproachingpeopleandmakesthemstandstilluntilhejotsdownaninventoryofthewoman\'sdress。Thatismanifestlyabsurd。
Itremindsapersonofthosedentistswhosecureyourinstantandbreathlessinterestinatoothbytakingagriponitwiththeforceps,andthenstandthereanddrawlthroughatediousanecdotebeforetheygivethedreadedjerk。
Parenthesesinliteratureanddentistryareinbadtaste。
TheGermanshaveanotherkindofparenthesis,whichtheymakebysplittingaverbintwoandputtinghalfofitatthebeginningofanexcitingchapterandtheOTHER
HALFattheendofit。Cananyoneconceiveofanythingmoreconfusingthanthat?Thesethingsarecalled\"separableverbs。\"TheGermangrammarisblisteredalloverwithseparableverbs;andthewiderthetwoportionsofoneofthemarespreadapart,thebettertheauthorofthecrimeispleasedwithhisperformance。
AfavoriteoneisREISTEAB——whichmeansdeparted。
HereisanexamplewhichIculledfromanovelandreducedtoEnglish:
\"Thetrunksbeingnowready,heDE-afterkissinghismotherandsisters,andoncemorepressingtohisbosomhisadoredGretchen,who,dressedinsimplewhitemuslin,withasingletuberoseintheamplefoldsofherrichbrownhair,hadtotteredfeeblydownthestairs,stillpalefromtheterrorandexcitementofthepastevening,butlongingtolayherpoorachingheadyetonceagainuponthebreastofhimwhomshelovedmoredearlythanlifeitself,PARTED。\"
However,itisnotwelltodwelltoomuchontheseparableverbs。Oneissuretolosehistemperearly;
andifhestickstothesubject,andwillnotbewarned,itwillatlasteithersoftenhisbrainorpetrifyit。
Personalpronounsandadjectivesareafruitfulnuisanceinthislanguage,andshouldhavebeenleftout。
Forinstance,thesamesound,SIE,meansYOU,anditmeansSHE,anditmeansHER,anditmeansIT,anditmeansTHEY,anditmeansTHEM。Thinkoftheraggedpovertyofalanguagewhichhastomakeoneworddotheworkofsix——andapoorlittleweakthingofonlythreelettersatthat。
Butmainly,thinkoftheexasperationofneverknowingwhichofthesemeaningsthespeakeristryingtoconvey。
Thisexplainswhy,wheneverapersonsaysSIEtome,Igenerallytrytokillhim,ifastranger。
NowobservetheAdjective。Herewasacasewheresimplicitywouldhavebeenanadvantage;therefore,fornootherreason,theinventorofthislanguagecomplicateditallhecould。
Whenwewishtospeakofour\"goodfriendorfriends,\"
inourenlightenedtongue,westicktotheoneformandhavenotroubleorhardfeelingaboutit;butwiththeGermantongueitisdifferent。WhenaGermangetshishandsonanadjective,hedeclinesit,andkeepsondecliningituntilthecommonsenseisalldeclinedoutofit。
ItisasbadasLatin。Hesays,forinstance:
SINGULAR
Nominative——MeingutERFreund,mygoodfriend。
Genitives——MeinESGutENFreundES,ofmygoodfriend。
Dative——MeinEMgutENFreund,tomygoodfriend。
Accusative——MeinENgutENFreund,mygoodfriend。
PLURAL
N——MeinEgutENFreundE,mygoodfriends。G——MeinERgutEN
FreundE,ofmygoodfriends。D——MeinENgutENFreundEN,tomygoodfriends。A——MeinEgutENFreundE,mygoodfriends。
Nowletthecandidatefortheasylumtrytomemorizethosevariations,andseehowsoonhewillbeelected。
OnemightbettergowithoutfriendsinGermanythantakeallthistroubleaboutthem。Ihaveshownwhatabotheritistodeclineagoodmalefriend;wellthisisonlyathirdofthework,forthereisavarietyofnewdistortionsoftheadjectivetobelearnedwhentheobjectisfeminine,andstillanotherwhentheobjectisneuter。
NowtherearemoreadjectivesinthislanguagethanthereareblackcatsinSwitzerland,andtheymustallbeaselaboratelydeclinedastheexamplesabovesuggested。
Difficult?——troublesome?——thesewordscannotdescribeit。
IheardaCalifornianstudentinHeidelbergsay,inoneofhiscalmestmoods,thathewouldratherdeclinetwodrinksthanoneGermanadjective。
Theinventorofthelanguageseemstohavetakenpleasureincomplicatingitineverywayhecouldthinkof。
Forinstance,ifoneiscasuallyreferringtoahouse,HAUS,orahorse,PFERD,oradog,HUND,hespellsthesewordsasIhaveindicated;butifheisreferringtothemintheDativecase,hesticksonafoolishandunnecessaryEandspellsthemHAUSE,PFERDE,HUNDE。So,asanaddedEoftensignifiestheplural,astheSdoeswithus,thenewstudentislikelytogoonforamonthmakingtwinsoutofaDativedogbeforehediscovershismistake;
andontheotherhand,manyanewstudentwhocouldillaffordloss,hasboughtandpaidfortwodogsandonlygotoneofthem,becauseheignorantlyboughtthatdogintheDativesingularwhenhereallysupposedhewastalkingplural——whichleftthelawontheseller\'sside,ofcourse,bythestrictrulesofgrammar,andthereforeasuitforrecoverycouldnotlie。
InGerman,alltheNounsbeginwithacapitalletter。
Nowthatisagoodidea;andagoodidea,inthislanguage,isnecessarilyconspicuousfromitslonesomeness。Iconsiderthiscapitalizingofnounsagoodidea,becausebyreasonofityouarealmostalwaysabletotellanountheminuteyouseeit。Youfallintoerroroccasionally,becauseyoumistakethenameofapersonforthenameofathing,andwasteagooddealoftimetryingtodigameaningoutofit。Germannamesalmostalwaysdomeansomething,andthishelpstodeceivethestudent。Itranslatedapassageoneday,whichsaidthat\"theinfuriatedtigressbrokelooseandutterlyateuptheunfortunatefirforest\"
Tannenwald。WhenIwasgirdingupmyloinstodoubtthis,IfoundoutthatTannenwaldinthisinstancewasaman\'sname。
Everynounhasagender,andthereisnosenseorsysteminthedistribution;sothegenderofeachmustbelearnedseparatelyandbyheart。Thereisnootherway。
Todothisonehastohaveamemorylikeamemorandum-book。
InGerman,ayoungladyhasnosex,whileaturniphas。
Thinkwhatoverwroughtreverencethatshowsfortheturnip,andwhatcallousdisrespectforthegirl。Seehowitlooksinprint——ItranslatethisfromaconversationinoneofthebestoftheGermanSunday-schoolbooks:
\"Gretchen。Wilhelm,whereistheturnip?
\"Wilhelm。Shehasgonetothekitchen。
\"Gretchen。WhereistheaccomplishedandbeautifulEnglishmaiden?
Wilhelm。Ithasgonetotheopera。\"
TocontinuewiththeGermangenders:atreeismale,itsbudsarefemale,itsleavesareneuter;horsesaresexless,dogsaremale,catsarefemale——tomcatsincluded,ofcourse;
aperson\'smouth,neck,bosom,elbows,fingers,nails,feet,andbodyareofthemalesex,andhisheadismaleorneuteraccordingtothewordselectedtosignifyit,andNOTaccordingtothesexoftheindividualwhowearsit——forinGermanyallthewomeneithermaleheadsorsexlessones;aperson\'snose,lips,shoulders,breast,hands,andtoesareofthefemalesex;andhishair,ears,eyes,chin,legs,knees,heart,andconsciencehaven\'tanysexatall。Theinventorofthelanguageprobablygotwhatheknewaboutaconsciencefromhearsay。
Now,bytheabovedissection,thereaderwillseethatinGermanyamanmayTHINKheisaman,butwhenhecomestolookintothematterclosely,heisboundtohavehisdoubts;
hefindsthatinsobertruthheisamostridiculousmixture;
andifheendsbytryingtocomforthimselfwiththethoughtthathecanatleastdependonathirdofthismessasbeingmanlyandmasculine,thehumiliatingsecondthoughtwillquicklyremindhimthatinthisrespectheisnobetteroffthananywomanorcowintheland。
IntheGermanitistruethatbysomeoversightoftheinventorofthelanguage,aWomanisafemale;butaWifeWeib
isnot——whichisunfortunate。AWife,here,hasnosex;
sheisneuter;so,accordingtothegrammar,afishisHE,hisscalesareSHE,butafishwifeisneither。
Todescribeawifeassexlessmaybecalledunder-description;
thatisbadenough,butover-descriptionissurelyworse。
AGermanspeaksofanEnglishmanastheENGLA\"NDER;tochangethesex,headdsINN,andthatstandsforEnglishwoman——
ENGLA\"NDERINN。Thatseemsdescriptiveenough,butstillitisnotexactenoughforaGerman;soheprecedesthewordwiththatarticlewhichindicatesthatthecreaturetofollowisfeminine,andwritesitdownthus:\"dieEngla\"nderinn,\"——whichmeans\"theshe-Englishwoman。\"
Iconsiderthatthatpersonisover-described。
Well,afterthestudenthaslearnedthesexofagreatnumberofnouns,heisstillinadifficulty,becausehefindsitimpossibletopersuadehistonguetorefertothingsas\"he\"and\"she,\"and\"him\"and\"her,\"whichithasbeenalwaysaccustomedtorefertoitas\"it。\"
WhenheevenframesaGermansentenceinhismind,withthehimsandhersintherightplaces,andthenworksuphiscouragetotheutterance-point,itisnouse——
themomenthebeginstospeakhistonguefilesthetrackandallthoselaboredmalesandfemalescomeoutas\"its。\"
AndevenwhenheisreadingGermantohimself,healwayscallsthosethings\"it,\"whereasheoughttoreadinthisway:
TALEOFTHEFISHWIFEANDITSSADFATE[2]
2。Icapitalizethenouns,intheGermanandancientEnglishfashion。
ItisableakDay。HeartheRain,howhepours,andtheHail,howherattles;andseetheSnow,howhedriftsalong,andoftheMud,howdeepheis!AhthepoorFishwife,itisstuckfastintheMire;ithasdroppeditsBasketofFishes;anditsHandshavebeencutbytheScalesasitseizedsomeofthefallingCreatures;andoneScalehasevengotintoitsEye。anditcannotgetherout。
ItopensitsMouthtocryforHelp;butifanySoundcomesoutofhim,alasheisdrownedbytheragingoftheStorm。
AndnowaTomcathasgotoneoftheFishesandshewillsurelyescapewithhim。No,shebitesoffaFin,sheholdsherinherMouth——willsheswallowher?No,theFishwife\'sbraveMother-dogdesertshisPuppiesandrescuestheFin——whichheeats,himself,ashisReward。
O,horror,theLightninghasstrucktheFish-basket;
hesetshimonFire;seetheFlame,howshelicksthedoomedUtensilwithherredandangryTongue;nowsheattacksthehelplessFishwife\'sFoot——sheburnshimup,allbutthebigToe,andevenSHEispartlyconsumed;
andstillshespreads,stillshewavesherfieryTongues;
sheattackstheFishwife\'sLeganddestroysIT;sheattacksitsHandanddestroysHERalso;sheattackstheFishwife\'sLeganddestroysHERalso;sheattacksitsBodyandconsumesHIM;
shewreathesherselfaboutitsHeartandITisconsumed;
nextaboutitsBreast,andinaMomentSHEisaCinder;
nowshereachesitsNeck——Hegoes;nowitsChin——
ITgoes;nowitsNose——SHEgoes。InanotherMoment,exceptHelpcome,theFishwifewillbenomore。
Timepresses——istherenonetosuccorandsave?Yes!Joy,joy,withflyingFeettheshe-Englishwomancomes!Butalas,thegenerousshe-Femaleistoolate:wherenowisthefatedFishwife?IthasceasedfromitsSufferings,ithasgonetoabetterLand;allthatisleftofitforitslovedOnestolamentover,isthispoorsmolderingAsh-heap。Ah,woeful,woefulAsh-heap!Letustakehimuptenderly,reverently,uponthelowlyShovel,andbearhimtohislongRest,withthePrayerthatwhenherisesagainitwillbeaRealmwherehewillhaveonegoodsquareresponsibleSex,andhaveitalltohimself,insteadofhavingamangylotofassortedSexesscatteredalloverhiminSpots——
There,now,thereadercanseeforhimselfthatthispronounbusinessisaveryawkwardthingfortheunaccustomedtongue。
Isupposethatinalllanguagesthesimilaritiesoflookandsoundbetweenwordswhichhavenosimilarityinmeaningareafruitfulsourceofperplexitytotheforeigner。
Itissoinourtongue,anditisnotablythecaseintheGerman。NowthereisthattroublesomewordVERMA\"HLT:
tomeithassoclosearesemblance——eitherrealorfancied——tothreeorfourotherwords,thatIneverknowwhetheritmeansdespised,painted,suspected,ormarried;
untilIlookinthedictionary,andthenIfinditmeansthelatter。Therearelotsofsuchwordsandtheyareagreattorment。ToincreasethedifficultytherearewordswhichSEEMtoresembleeachother,andyetdonot;
buttheymakejustasmuchtroubleasiftheydid。
Forinstance,thereisthewordVERMIETHENtolet,tolease,tohire;andthewordVERHEIRATHENanotherwayofsayingtomarry。IheardofanEnglishmanwhoknockedataman\'sdoorinHeidelbergandproposed,inthebestGermanhecouldcommand,to\"verheirathen\"thathouse。
Thentherearesomewordswhichmeanonethingwhenyouemphasizethefirstsyllable,butmeansomethingverydifferentifyouthrowtheemphasisonthelastsyllable。
Forinstance,thereisawordwhichmeansarunaway,ortheactofglancingthroughabook,accordingtotheplacingoftheemphasis;andanotherwordwhichsignifiestoASSOCIATEwithaman,ortoAVOIDhim,accordingtowhereyouputtheemphasis——andyoucangenerallydependonputtingitinthewrongplaceandgettingintotrouble。
Therearesomeexceedinglyusefulwordsinthislanguage。
SCHLAG,forexample;andZUG。Therearethree-quartersofacolumnofSCHLAGSinthedictonary,andacolumnandahalfofZUGS。ThewordSCHLAGmeansBlow,Stroke,Dash,Hit,Shock,Clap,Slap,Time,Bar,Coin,Stamp,Kind,Sort,Manner,Way,Apoplexy,Wood-cutting,Enclosure,Field,Forest-clearing。ThisisitssimpleandEXACT
meaning——thatistosay,itsrestricted,itsfetteredmeaning;
buttherearewaysbywhichyoucansetitfree,sothatitcansoaraway,asonthewingsofthemorning,andneverbeatrest。Youcanhanganywordyoupleasetoitstail,andmakeitmeananythingyouwantto。
YoucanbeginwithSCHLAG-ADER,whichmeansartery,andyoucanhangonthewholedictionary,wordbyword,clearthroughthealphabettoSCHLAG-WASSER,whichmeansbilge-water——andincludingSCHLAG-MUTTER,whichmeansmother-in-law。
JustthesamewithZUG。Strictlyspeaking,ZUGmeansPull,Tug,Draught,Procession,March,Progress,Flight,Direction,Expedition,Train,Caravan,Passage,Stroke,Touch,Line,Flourish,TraitofCharacter,Feature,Lineament,Chess-move,Organ-stop,Team,Whiff,Bias,Drawer,Propensity,Inhalation,Disposition:butthatthingwhichitdoesNOTmean——whenallitslegitimatepennantshavebeenhungon,hasnotbeendiscoveredyet。
OnecannotoverestimatetheusefulnessofSCHLAGandZUG。
Armedjustwiththesetwo,andthewordALSO,whatcannottheforeigneronGermansoilaccomplish?TheGermanwordALSOistheequivalentoftheEnglishphrase\"Youknow,\"
anddoesnotmeananythingatall——inTALK,thoughitsometimesdoesinprint。EverytimeaGermanopenshismouthanALSOfallsout;andeverytimeheshutsithebitesoneintwothatwastryingtoGETout。
Now,theforeigner,equippedwiththesethreenoblewords,ismasterofthesituation。Lethimtalkrightalong,fearlessly;lethimpourhisindifferentGermanforth,andwhenhelacksforaword,lethimheaveaSCHLAGintothevacuum;allthechancesarethatitfitsitlikeaplug,butifitdoesn\'tlethimpromptlyheaveaZUGafterit;
thetwotogethercanhardlyfailtobungthehole;butif,byamiracle,theySHOULDfail,lethimsimplysayALSO!
andthiswillgivehimamoment\'schancetothinkoftheneedfulword。InGermany,whenyouloadyourconversationalgunitisalwaysbesttothrowinaSCHLAGortwoandaZUG
ortwo,becauseitdoesn\'tmakeanydifferencehowmuchtherestofthechargemayscatter,youareboundtobagsomethingwithTHEM。ThenyoublandlysayALSO,andloadupagain。NothinggivessuchanairofgraceandeleganceandunconstrainttoaGermanoranEnglishconversationastoscatteritfullof\"Also\'s\"or\"Youknows。\"
Inmynote-bookIfindthisentry:
July1——Inthehospitalyesterday,awordofthirteensyllableswassuccessfullyremovedfromapatient——aNorthGermanfromnearHamburg;butasmostunfortunatelythesurgeonshadopenedhiminthewrongplace,undertheimpressionthathecontainedapanorama,hedied。
Thesadeventhascastagloomoverthewholecommunity。
Thatparagraphfurnishesatextforafewremarksaboutoneofthemostcuriousandnotablefeaturesofmysubject——thelengthofGermanwords。SomeGermanwordsaresolongthattheyhaveaperspective。Observetheseexamples:
Freundschaftsbezeigungen。
Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten。
Stadtverordnetenversammlungen。
Thesethingsarenotwords,theyarealphabeticalprocessions。
Andtheyarenotrare;onecanopenaGermannewspaperatanytimeandseethemmarchingmajesticallyacrossthepage——andifhehasanyimaginationhecanseethebannersandhearthemusic,too。Theyimpartamartialthrilltothemeekestsubject。Itakeagreatinterestinthesecuriosities。WheneverIcomeacrossagoodone,Istuffitandputitinmymuseum。
InthiswayIhavemadequiteavaluablecollection。
WhenIgetduplicates,Iexchangewithothercollectors,andthusincreasethevarietyofmystock。HereraresomespecimenswhichIlatelyboughtatanauctionsaleoftheeffectsofabankruptbric-a-brachunter:
Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen。
Alterthumswissenschaften。
Kinderbewahrungsanstalten。
Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen。
Wiedererstellungbestrebungen。
Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen。
Ofcoursewhenoneofthesegrandmountainrangesgoesstretchingacrosstheprintedpage,itadornsandennoblesthatliterarylandscape——butatthesametimeitisagreatdistresstothenewstudent,foritblocksuphisway;
hecannotcrawlunderit,orclimboverit,ortunnelthroughit。Soheresortstothedictionaryforhelp,butthereisnohelpthere。Thedictionarymustdrawthelinesomewhere——soitleavesthissortofwordsout。
Anditisright,becausetheselongthingsarehardlylegitimatewords,butarerathercombinationsofwords,andtheinventorofthemoughttohavebeenkilled。
Theyarecompoundwordswiththehyphensleftout。
Thevariouswordsusedinbuildingthemareinthedictionary,butinaveryscatteredcondition;soyoucanhuntthematerialsout,onebyone,andgetatthemeaningatlast,butitisatediousandharassingbusiness。
Ihavetriedthisprocessuponsomeoftheaboveexamples。
\"Freundshaftsbezeigungen\"seemstobe\"Friendshipdemonstrations,\"
whichisonlyafoolishandclumsywayofsaying\"demonstrationsoffriendship。\"\"Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen\"seemstobe\"Independencedeclarations,\"whichisnoimprovementupon\"DeclarationsofIndependence,\"sofarasIcansee。
\"Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen\"seemstobe\"General-statesrepresentativesmeetings,\"asnearlyasI
cangetatit——amererhythmical,gushyeuphuismfor\"meetingsofthelegislature,\"Ijudge。Weusedtohaveagooddealofthissortofcrimeinourliterature,butithasgoneoutnow。Weusedtospeakofathingsasa\"never-to-be-forgotten\"circumstance,insteadofcrampingitintothesimpleandsufficientword\"memorable\"andthengoingcalmlyaboutourbusinessasifnothinghadhappened。
Inthosedayswewerenotcontenttoembalmthethingandburyitdecently,wewantedtobuildamonumentoverit。
Butinournewspapersthecompounding-diseaselingersalittletothepresentday,butwiththehyphensleftout,intheGermanfashion。Thisistheshapeittakes:
insteadofsaying\"Mr。Simmons,clerkofthecountyanddistrictcourts,wasintownyesterday,\"thenewformputitthus:\"ClerkoftheCountyandDistrictCourtsSimmonswasintownyesterday。\"Thissavesneithertimenorink,andhasanawkwardsoundbesides。Oneoftenseesaremarklikethisinourpapers:\"MRS。AssistantDistrictAttorneyJohnsonreturnedtohercityresidenceyesterdayfortheseason。\"