Thatisacaseofreallyunjustifiablecompounding；
becauseitnotonlysavesnotimeortrouble，butconfersatitleonMrs。Johnsonwhichshehasnorightto。
Buttheselittleinstancesaretriflesindeed，contrastedwiththeponderousanddismalGermansystemofpilingjumbledcompoundstogether。Iwishtosubmitthefollowinglocalitem，fromaMannheimjournal，bywayofillustration:
\"Inthedaybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno\'clockNight，theinthistownstandingtaverncalled\'TheWagoner\'wasdownburnt。
WhenthefiretotheonthedownburninghouserestingStork\'sNestreached，flewtheparentStorksaway。Butwhenthebytheraging，firesurroundedNestITSELFcaughtFire，straightwayplungedthequickreturningMother-StorkintotheFlamesanddied，herWingsoverheryoungonesoutspread。\"
EventhecumbersomeGermanconstructionisnotabletotakethepathosoutofthatpicture——indeed，itsomehowseemstostrengthenit。Thisitemisdatedawaybackyondermonthsago。Icouldhaveuseditsooner，butI
waswaitingtohearfromtheFather-stork。Iamstillwaiting。
\"ALSO!\"IfIhadnotshownthattheGermanisadifficultlanguage，Ihaveatleastintendedtodoso。
IhaveheardofanAmericanstudentwhowasaskedhowhewasgettingalongwithhisGerman，andwhoansweredpromptly:\"Iamnotgettingalongatall。Ihaveworkedatithardforthreelevelmonths，andallIhavegottoshowforitisonesolitaryGermanphrase——\'ZWEIGLAS\'\"
twoglassesofbeer。Hepausedforamoment，reflectively；
thenaddedwithfeeling:\"ButI\'vegotthatSOLID!\"
AndifIhavenotalsoshownthatGermanisaharassingandinfuriatingstudy，myexecutionhasbeenatfault，andnotmyintent。IheardlatelyofawornandsorelytriedAmericanstudentwhousedtoflytoacertainGermanwordforreliefwhenhecouldbearupunderhisaggravationsnolonger——theonlywordwhosesoundwassweetandprecioustohisearandhealingtohislaceratedspirit。
ThiswasthewordDAMIT。ItwasonlytheSOUNDthathelpedhim，notthemeaning；[3]andso，atlast，whenhelearnedthattheemphasiswasnotonthefirstsyllable，hisonlystayandsupportwasgone，andhefadedawayanddied。
3。Itmerelymeans，initsgeneralsense，\"herewith。\"
Ithinkthatadescriptionofanyloud，stirring，tumultuousepisodemustbetamerinGermanthaninEnglish。
Ourdescriptivewordsofthischaracterhavesuchadeep，strong，resonantsound，whiletheirGermanequivalentsdoseemsothinandmildandenergyless。
Boom，burst，crash，roar，storm，bellow，blow，thunder，explosion；howl，cry，shout，yell，groan；battle，hell。
Thesearemagnificentwords；thehaveaforceandmagnitudeofsoundbefittingthethingswhichtheydescribe。
ButtheirGermanequivalentswouldbeeversonicetosingthechildrentosleepwith，orelsemyawe-inspiringearsweremadefordisplayandnotforsuperiorusefulnessinanalyzingsounds。WouldanymanwanttodieinabattlewhichwascalledbysotameatermasaSCHLACHT?
Orwouldnotacomsumptivefeeltoomuchbundledup，whowasabouttogoout，inashirt-collarandaseal-ring，intoastormwhichthebird-songwordGEWITTERwasemployedtodescribe?AndobservethestrongestoftheseveralGermanequivalentsforexplosion——AUSBRUCH。OurwordToothbrushismorepowerfulthanthat。ItseemstomethattheGermanscoulddoworsethanimportitintotheirlanguagetodescribeparticularlytremendousexplosionswith。
TheGermanwordforhell——Ho\"lle——soundsmorelikeHELLY
thananythingelse；therefore，hownecessarychipper，frivolous，andunimpressiveitis。IfamanweretoldinGermantogothere，couldhereallyrisetotheedignityoffeelinginsulted?
Havingpointedout，indetail，theseveralvicesofthislanguage，Inowcometothebriefandpleasanttaskofpointingoutitsvirtues。ThecapitalizingofthenounsIhavealreadymentioned。Butfarbeforethisvirtuestandsanother——thatofspellingawordaccordingtothesoundofit。
Afteroneshortlessoninthealphabet，thestudentcantellhowanyGermanwordispronouncedwithouthavingtoask；
whereasinourlanguageifastudentshouldinquireofus，\"WhatdoesB，O，W，spell?\"weshouldbeobligedtoreply，\"Nobodycantellwhatitspellswhenyousetifoffbyitself；
youcanonlytellbyreferringtothecontextandfindingoutwhatitsignifies——whetheritisathingtoshootarrowswith，oranodofone\'shead，ortheforwardendofaboat。\"
TherearesomeGermanwordswhicharesingularlyandpowerfullyeffective。Forinstance，thosewhichdescribelowly，peaceful，andaffectionatehomelife；
thosewhichdealwithlove，inanyandallforms，frommerekindlyfeelingandhonestgoodwilltowardthepassingstranger，clearuptocourtship；thosewhichdealwithoutdoorNature，initssoftestandloveliestaspects——withmeadowsandforests，andbirdsandflowers，thefragranceandsunshineofsummer，andthemoonlightofpeacefulwinternights；inaword，thosewhichdealwithanyandallformsofrest，respose，andpeace；thosealsowhichdealwiththecreaturesandmarvelsoffairyland；
andlastlyandchiefly，inthosewordswhichexpresspathos，isthelanguagesurpassinglyrichandaffective。ThereareGermansongswhichcanmakeastrangertothelanguagecry。
ThatshowsthattheSOUNDofthewordsiscorrect——itinterpretsthemeaningswithtruthandwithexactness；
andsotheearisinformed，andthroughtheear，theheart。
TheGermansdonotseemtobeafraidtorepeatawordwhenitistherightone。theyrepeatitseveraltimes，iftheychoose。Thatiswise。ButinEnglish，whenwehaveusedawordacoupleoftimesinaparagraph，weimaginewearegrowingtautological，andsoweareweakenoughtoexchangeitforsomeotherwordwhichonlyapproximatesexactness，toescapewhatwewronglyfancyisagreaterblemish。Repetitionmaybebad，butsurelyinexactnessisworse——
Therearepeopleintheworldwhowilltakeagreatdealoftroubletopointoutthefaultsinareligionoralanguage，andthengoblandlyabouttheirbusinesswithoutsuggestinganyremedy。Iamnotthatkindofperson。IhaveshownthattheGermanlanguageneedsreforming。Verywell，Iamreadytoreformit。
AtleastIamreadytomakethepropersuggestions。
Suchacourseasthismightbeimmodestinanother；butI
havedevotedupwardofninefullweeks，firstandlast，toacarefulandcriticalstudyofthistongue，andthushaveacquiredaconfidenceinmyabilitytoreformitwhichnomeresuperficialculturecouldhaveconferreduponme。
Inthefirstplace，IwouldleaveouttheDativecase。
Itconfusestheplurals；and，besides，nobodyeverknowswhenheisintheDativecase，excepthediscoveritbyaccident——andthenhedoesnotknowwhenorwhereitwasthathegotintoit，orhowlonghehasbeeninit，orhowheisgoingtogetoutofitagain。TheDativecaseisbutanornamentalfolly——itisbettertodiscardit。
Inthenextplace，IwouldmovetheVerbfurtheruptothefront。YoumayloadupwitheversogoodaVerb，butInoticethatyouneverreallybringdownasubjectwithitatthepresentGermanrange——youonlycrippleit。
SoIinsistthatthisimportantpartofspeechshouldbebroughtforwardtoapositionwhereitmaybeeasilyseenwiththenakedeye。
Thirdly，IwouldimportsomestrongwordsfromtheEnglishtongue——toswearwith，andalsotouseindescribingallsortsofvigorousthingsinavigorousways。[4]
4。\"Verdammt，\"anditsvariationsandenlargements，arewordswhichhaveplentyofmeaning，buttheSOUNDS
aresomildandineffectualthatGermanladiescanusethemwithoutsin。Germanladieswhocouldnotbeinducedtocommitasinbyanypersuasionorcompulsion，promptlyripoutoneoftheseharmlesslittlewordswhentheyteartheirdressesordon\'tlikethesoup。Itsoundsaboutaswickedasour\"Mygracious。\"Germanladiesareconstantlysaying，\"Ach!Gott!\"\"MeinGott!\"\"GottinHimmel!\"\"HerrGott\"
\"DerHerrJesus!\"etc。Theythinkourladieshavethesamecustom，perhaps；forIonceheardagentleandlovelyoldGermanladysaytoasweetyoungAmericangirl:
\"Thetwolanguagesaresoalike——howpleasantthatis；
wesay\'Ach!Gott!\'yousay\'Goddamn。\'\"
Fourthly，Iwouldreorganizesthesexes，anddistributethemaccordinglytothewillofthecreator。Thisasatributeofrespect，ifnothingelse。
Fifthly，Iwoulddoawaywiththosegreatlongcompoundedwords；orrequirethespeakertodelivertheminsections，withintermissionsforrefreshments。
Towhollydoawaywiththemwouldbebest，forideasaremoreeasilyreceivedanddigestedwhentheycomeoneatatimethanwhentheycomeinbulk。Intellectualfoodislikeanyother；itispleasanterandmorebeneficialtotakeitwithaspoonthanwithashovel。
Sixthly，Iwouldrequireaspeakertostopwhenheisdone，andnothangastringofthoseuseless\"havensindgewesengehabthabengewordenseins\"totheendofhisoration。
Thissortofgewgawsundignifyaspeech，insteadofaddingagrace。Theyare，therefore，anoffense，andshouldbediscarded。
Seventhly，IwoulddiscardtheParenthesis。Alsothereparenthesis，there-reparenthesis，andthere-re-re-re-re-reparentheses，andlikewisethefinalwide-reachingall-enclosingking-parenthesis。Iwouldrequireeveryindividual，behehighorlow，tounfoldaplainstraightforwardtale，orelsecoilitandsitonitandholdhispeace。
Infractionsofthislawshouldbepunishablewithdeath。
Andeighthly，andlast，IwouldretainZUGandSCHLAG，withtheirpendants，anddiscardtherestofthevocabulary。
Thiswouldsimplifythelanguage。
IhavenownamedwhatIregardasthemostnecessaryandimportantchanges。TheseareperhapsallIcouldbeexpectedtonamefornothing；butthereareothersuggestionswhichIcanandwillmakeincasemyproposedapplicationshallresultinmybeingformallyemployedbythegovernmentintheworkofreformingthelanguage。
MyphilologicalstudieshavesatisfiedmethatagiftedpersonoughttolearnEnglishbarringspellingandpronouncing
inthirtyhours，Frenchinthirtydays，andGermaninthirtyyears。Itseemsmanifest，then，thatthelattertongueoughttobetrimmeddownandrepaired。
Ifitistoremainasitis，itoughttobegentlyandreverentlysetasideamongthedeadlanguages，foronlythedeadhavetimetolearnit。
AFOURTHOFJULYORATIONINTHEGERMANTONGUE，DELIVEREDAT
ABANQUETOFTHEANGLO-AMERICANCLUBOFSTUDENTSBYTHE
AUTHOROFTHISBOOK
Gentlemen:SinceIarrived，amonthago，inthisoldwonderland，thisvastgardenofGermany，myEnglishtonguehassooftenprovedauselesspieceofbaggagetome，andsotroublesometocarryaround，inacountrywheretheyhaven\'tthecheckingsystemforluggage，thatI
finallysettowork，andlearnedtheGermanlanguage。
Also!Esfreutmichdassdiessoist，dennesmuss，ineinhaupts:achlichdegree，h:oflichsein，dassmanaufeinoccasionlikethis，seinRedeindieSprachedesLandesworinheboards，aussprechensoll。Daf:urhabeich，ausreinischeVerlegenheit——no，Vergangenheit——no，I
meanHoflichkeit——ausreinisheHoflichkeithabeichresolvedtotacklethisbusinessintheGermanlanguage，umGotteswillen!Also!Siemu\"ssensofreundlichsein，undverzeihmichdieinterlardingvoneinoderzweiEnglischerWorte，hieundda，dennichfindedassdiedeutscheisnotaverycopiouslanguage，andsowhenyou\'vereallygotanythingtosay，you\'vegottodrawonalanguagethatcanstandthestrain。
WennhabermankannnichtmeinemRedeVerstehen，sowerdeichihmsp:aterdasselbe:ubersetz，wennersolcheDienstverlangenwollenhabenwerdensollenseinh:atte。Idon\'tknowwhatwollenhabenwerdensollenseinha\"ttemeans，butInoticetheyalwaysputitattheendofaGermansentence——merelyforgeneralliterarygorgeousness，Isuppose。
Thisisagreatandjustlyhonoredday——adaywhichisworthyofthevenerationinwhichitisheldbythetruepatriotsofallclimesandnationalities——adaywhichoffersafruitfulthemeforthoughtandspeech；undmeinemFreunde——no，meinENFreundEN——meinESFreundES——well，takeyourchoice，they\'reallthesameprice；Idon\'tknowwhichoneisright——also!ichhabegehabthabenwordengewesensein，asGoethesaysinhisParadiseLost——ich——ich——thatistosay——ich——butletuschangecars。
Also!DieAnblichsovieleGrossbrittanischerundAmerikanischerhierzusammengetroffeninBruderlicheconcord，istzwarawelcomeandinspiritingspectacle。Andwhathasmovedyoutoit?CantheterseGermantonguerisetotheexpressionofthisimpulse?IsitFreundschaftsbezeigungenstadtverordneten-
versammlungenfamilieneigenth:umlichkeiten?Nein，onein!Thisisacrispandnobleword，butitfailstopiercethemarrowoftheimpulsewhichhasgatheredthisfriendlymeetingandproduceddieseAnblick——eineAnblichwelcheistgutzusehen——gutfu\"rdieAugeninaforeignlandandafarcountry——eineAnblicksolchealsindiegew:ohnlicheHeidelbergerphrasenenntmanein\"scho\"nesAussicht!\"Ja，freilichnatu\"rlichwahrscheinlichebensowohl!Also!DieAussichtaufdemK:onigsstuhlmehrgr:osserist，abergeistlischesprechendnichtsoscho\"n，lob\'Gott!Becausesiesindhierzusammengetroffen，inBruderlichemconcord，eingrossenTagzufeirn，whosehighbenefitswerenotforonelandandonelocality，buthaveconferredameasureofgooduponalllandsthatknowlibertytoday，andloveit。HundertJahrevoru\"ber，warendieEngla\"nderunddieAmerikanerFeinde；
aberheutsindsieherzlichenFreunde，GottseiDank!
Maythisgood-fellowshipendure；maythesebannershereblendedinamitysoremain；maytheyneveranymorewaveoveropposinghosts，orbestainedwithbloodwhichwaskindred，iskindred，andalwayswillbekindred，untilalinedrawnuponamapshallbeabletosay:
\"THISbarstheancestralbloodfromflowingintheveinsofthedescendant!\"
APPENDIXE
LegendoftheCastlesCalledthe\"Swallow\'sNest\"and\"TheBrothers，\"
asCondensedfromtheCaptain\'sTaleIntheneighborhoodofthreehundredyearsagotheSwallow\'sNestandthelargercastlebetweenitandNeckarsteinachwereownedandoccupiedbytwooldknightswhoweretwinbrothers，andbachelors。Theyhadnorelatives。
Theywereveryrich。Theyhadfoughtthroughthewarsandretiredtoprivatelife——coveredwithhonorablescars。
Theywerehonest，honorablemenintheirdealings，butthepeoplehadgiventhemacoupleofnicknameswhichwereverysuggestive——HerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartless。
Theoldknightsweresoproudofthesenamesthatifaburghercalledthembytheirrightonestheywouldcorrectthem。
ThemostrenownedscholarinEurope，atthetime，wastheHerrDoctorFranzReikmann，wholivedinHeidelberg。
AllGermanywasproudofthevenerablescholar，wholivedinthesimplestway，forgreatscholarsarealwayspoor。
Hewaspoor，astomoney，butveryrichinhissweetyoungdaughterHildegardeandhislibrary。Hehadbeenallhislifecollectinghislibrary，bookandbook，andheliveditasamiserloveshishoardedgold。
Hesaidthetwostringsofhisheartwererooted，theoneinhisdaughter，theotherinhisbooks；andthatifeitherwereseveredhemustdie。Nowinanevilhour，hopingtowinamarriageportionforhischild，thissimpleoldmanhadentrustedhissmallsavingstoasharpertobeventuredinaglitteringspeculation。Butthatwasnottheworstofit:hesignedapaper——withoutreadingit。
Thatisthewaywithpoetsandscholars；theyalwayssignwithoutreading。Thiscunningpapermadehimresponsibleforheapsofthings。Therestwasthatonenighthefoundhimselfindebttothesharpereightthousandpiecesofgold!——anamountsoprodigiousthatitsimplystupefiedhimtothinkofit。Itwasanightofwoeinthathouse。
\"Imustpartwithmylibrary——Ihavenothingelse。
Soperishesoneheartstring，\"saidtheoldman。
\"Whatwillitbring，father?\"askedthegirl。
\"Nothing!Itisworthsevenhundredpiecesofgold；
butbyauctionitwillgoforlittleornothing。\"
\"Thenyouwillhavepartedwiththehalfofyourheartandthejoyofyourlifetonopurpose，sincesomightyofburdenofdebtwillremainbehind。\"
\"Thereisnohelpforit，mychild。Ourdarlingsmustpassunderthehammer。Wemustpaywhatwecan。\"
\"Myfather，IhaveafeelingthatthedearVirginwillcometoourhelp。Letusnotloseheart。\"
\"ShecannotdeviseamiraclethatwillturnNOTHINGintoeightthousandgoldpieces，andlesserhelpwillbringuslittlepeace。\"
\"Shecandoevengreaterthings，myfather。Shewillsaveus，Iknowshewill。\"
Towardmorning，whiletheoldmansatexhaustedandasleepinhischairwherehehadbeensittingbeforehisbooksasonewhowatchesbyhisbeloveddeadandprintsthefeaturesonhismemoryforasolaceintheaftertimeofemptydesolation，hisdaughtersprangintotheroomandgentlywokehim，saying——
\"Mypresentimentwastrue!Shewillsaveus。
Threetimeshassheappearedtomeinmydreams，andsaid，\'GototheHerrGivenaught，gototheHerrHeartless，askthemtocomeandbid。\'There，didInottellyoushewouldsaveus，thethriceblessedVirgin!\"
Sadastheoldmanwas，hewasobligedtolaugh。
\"Thoumightestaswellappealtotherockstheircastlesstanduponastotheharderonesthatlieinthosemen\'sbreasts，mychild。THEYbidonbookswritinthelearnedtongues!——theycanscarcereadtheirown。\"
ButHildegarde\'sfaithwasinnowiseshaken。
BrightandearlyshewasonherwayuptheNeckarroad，asjoyousasabird。
MeantimeHerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartlesswerehavinganearlybreakfastintheformer\'scastle——theSparrow\'sNest——andflavoringitwithaquarrel；foralthoughthesetwinsborealoveforeachotherwhichalmostamountedtoworship，therewasonesubjectuponwhichtheycouldnottouchwithoutcallingeachotherhardnames——
andyetitwasthesubjectwhichtheyoftenesttouchedupon。
\"Itellyou，\"saidGivenaught，\"youwillbeggaryourselfyetwithyourinsanesquanderingsofmoneyuponwhatyouchoosetoconsiderpoorandworthyobjects。
AlltheseyearsIhaveimploredyoutostopthisfoolishcustomandhusbandyourmeans，butallinvain。
Youarealwayslyingtomeaboutthesesecretbenevolences，butyouneverhavemanagedtodeceivemeyet。EverytimeapoordevilhasbeensetuponhisfeetIhavedetectedyourhandinit——incorrigibleass!\"
\"Everytimeyoudidn\'tsethimonhisfeetyourself，youmean。WhereIgiveoneunfortunatealittleprivatelift，youdothesameforadozen。TheideaofYOURswellingaroundthecountryandpettingyourselfwiththenicknameofGivenaught——intolerablehumbug!BeforeIwouldbesuchafraudasthat，Iwouldcutmyrighthandoff。
Yourlifeisacontinuallie。Butgoon，IhavetriedMY
besttosaveyoufrombeggaringyourselfbyyourriotouscharities——nowforthethousandthtimeIwashmyhandsoftheconsequences。Amaunderingoldfool!that\'swhatyouare。\"
\"Andyouabletheringoldidiot!\"roaredGivenaught，springingup。
\"Iwon\'tstayinthepresenceofamanwhohasnomoredelicacythantocallmesuchnames。Mannerlessswine!\"
Sosaying，HerrHeartlesssprangupinapassion。
Butsomeluckyaccidentintervened，asusual，tochangethesubject，andthedailyquarrelendedinthecustomarydailylivingreconciliation。Thegray-headedoldeccentricsparted，andHerrHeartlesswalkedofftohisowncastle。
Halfanhourlater，HildegardewasstandinginthepresenceofHerrGivenaught。Heheardherstory，andsaid——
\"Iamsorryforyou，mychild，butIamverypoor，Icarenothingforbookishrubbish，Ishallnotbethere。\"
Hesaidthehardwordskindly，buttheynearlybrokepoorHildegarde\'sheart，nevertheless。Whenshewasgonetheoldheartbreakermuttered，rubbinghishands——
\"Itwasagoodstroke。Ihavesavedmybrother\'spocketthistime，inspiteofhim。Nothingelsewouldhavepreventedhisrushingofftorescuetheoldscholar，theprideofGermany，fromhistrouble。Thepoorchildwon\'tventurenearHIMaftertherebuffshehasreceivedfromhisbrothertheGivenaught。\"
Buthewasmistaken。TheVirginhadcommanded，andHildegardewouldobey。ShewenttoHerrHeartlessandtoldherstory。Buthesaidcoldly——
\"Iamverypoor，mychild，andbooksarenothingtome。
Iwishyouwell，butIshallnotcome。\"
WhenHildegardewasgone，hechuckledandsaid——
\"Howmyfoolofasoft-headedsoft-heartedbrotherwouldrageifheknewhowcunninglyIhavesavedhispocket。
Howhewouldhaveflowntotheoldman\'srescue!Butthegirlwon\'tventurenearhimnow。\"
WhenHildegardereachedhome，herfatheraskedherhowshehadprospered。Shesaid——
\"TheVirginhaspromised，andshewillkeepherword；
butnotinthewayIthought。Sheknowsherownways，andtheyarebest。\"
Theoldmanpattedheronthehead，andsmiledadoubtingsmile，buthehonoredherforherbravefaith，nevertheless。
II
NextdaythepeopleassembledinthegreathalloftheRittertavern，towitnesstheauction——fortheproprietorhadsaidthetreasureofGermany\'smosthonoredsonshouldbebarteredawayinnomeanerplace。
Hildegardeandherfathersatclosetothebooks，silentandsorrowful，andholdingeachother\'shands。
Therewasagreatcrowdofpeoplepresent。Thebiddingbegan——
\"Howmuchforthispreciouslibrary，justasitstands，allcomplete?\"calledtheauctioneer。
\"Fiftypiecesofgold!\"
\"Ahundred!\"
\"Twohundred。\"
\"Three!\"
\"Four!\"
\"Fivehundred!\"
\"Fivetwenty-five。\"
Abriefpause。
\"Fiveforty!\"
Alongerpause，whiletheauctioneerredoubledhispersuasions。
\"Five-forty-five!\"
Aheavydrag——theauctioneerpersuaded，pleaded，implored——itwasuseless，everybodyremainedsilent——
\"Well，then——going，going——one——two——\"
\"Fivehundredandfifty!\"
Thisinashrillvoice，fromabentoldman，allhungwithrags，andwithagreenpatchoverhislefteye。
Everybodyinhisvicinityturnedandgazedathim。
ItwasGivenaughtindisguise。Hewasusingadisguisedvoice，too。
\"Good!\"criedtheauctioneer。\"Going，going——one——two——\"
\"Fivehundredandsixty!\"
This，inadeep，harshvoice，fromthemidstofthecrowdattheotherendoftheroom。Thepeoplenearbyturned，andsawanoldman，inastrangecostume，supportinghimselfoncrutches。Heworealongwhitebeard，andbluespectacles。ItwasHerrHeartless，indisguise，andusingadisguisedvoice。
\"Goodagain!Going，going——one——\"
\"Sixhundred!\"
Sensation。Thecrowdraisedacheer，andsomeonecriedout，\"Goit，Green-patch!\"Thistickledtheaudienceandascoreofvoicesshouted，\"Goit，Green-patch!\"
\"Going——going——going——thirdandlastcall——one——two——\"
\"Sevenhundred!\"
\"Huzzah!——welldone，Crutches!\"criedavoice。Thecrowdtookitup，andshoutedaltogether，\"Welldone，Crutches!\"
\"Splendid，gentlemen!youaredoingmagnificently。
Going，going——\"
\"Athousand!\"
\"ThreecheersforGreen-patch!Upandathim，Crutches!\"
\"Going——going——\"
\"Twothousand!\"
Andwhilethepeoplecheeredandshouted，\"Crutches\"muttered，\"Whocanthisdevilbethatisfightingsotogettheseuselessbooks?——Butnomatter，hesha\'n\'thavethem。
TheprideofGermanyshallhavehisbooksifitbeggarsmetobuythemforhim。\"
\"Going，going，going——\"
\"Threethousand!\"
\"Come，everybody——givearouserforGreen-patch!\"
Andwhiletheydidit，\"Green-patch\"muttered，\"Thiscrippleisplainlyalunatic；buttheoldscholarshallhavehisbooks，nevertheless，thoughmypocketsweatforit。\"
\"Going——going——\"
\"Fourthousand!\"
\"Huzza!\"
\"Fivethousand!\"
\"Huzza!\"
\"Sixthousand!\"
\"Huzza!\"
\"Seventhousand!\"
\"Huzza!\"
\"EIGHTthousand!\"
\"Wearesaved，father!ItoldyoutheHolyVirginwouldkeepherword!\"\"Blessedbehersacredname!\"
saidtheoldscholar，withemotion。Thecrowdroared，\"Huzza，huzza，huzza——athimagain，Green-patch!\"
\"Going——going——\"
\"TENthousand!\"AsGivenaughtshoutedthis，hisexcitementwassogreatthatheforgothimselfandusedhisnaturalvoice。Hebrotherrecognizedit，andmuttered，undercoverofthestormofcheers——
\"Aha，youarethere，areyou，besottedoldfool?Takethebooks，Iknowwhatyou\'lldowiththem!\"
Sosaying，heslippedoutoftheplaceandtheauctionwasatanend。GivenaughtshoulderedhiswaytoHildegarde，whisperedawordinherear，andthenhealsovanished。
Theoldscholarandhisdaughterembraced，andtheformersaid，\"TrulytheHolyMotherhasdonemorethanshepromised，child，forshehasgiveyouasplendidmarriageportion——
thinkofit，twothousandpiecesofgold!\"
\"Andmorestill，\"criedHildegarde，\"forshehasgiveyoubackyourbooks；thestrangerwhisperedmethathewouldnoneofthem——\'thehonoredsonofGermanymustkeepthem，\'sohesaid。IwouldImighthaveaskedhisnameandkissedhishandandbeggedhisblessing；
buthewasOurLady\'sangel，anditisnotmeetthatweofearthshouldventurespeechwiththemthatdwellabove。\"
APPENDIXF
GermanJournalsThedailyjournalsofHamburg，Frankfort，Baden，Munich，andAugsburgareallconstructedonthesamegeneralplan。
IspeakofthesebecauseIammorefamiliarwiththemthanwithanyotherGermanpapers。Theycontainno\"editorials\"whatever；no\"personals\"——andthisisratherameritthanademerit，perhaps；nofunny-paragraphcolumn；
nopolice-courtreports；noreportsofproceedingsofhighercourts；noinformationaboutprize-fightsorotherdog-fights，horse-races，walking-machines，yachting-contents，rifle-matches，orothersportingmattersofanysort；noreportsofbanquetspeeches；
nodepartmentofcuriousoddsandendsoffloatingfactandgossip；no\"rumors\"aboutanythingoranybody；
noprognosticationsorpropheciesaboutanythingoranybody；
nolistsofpatentsgrantedorsought，oranyreferencetosuchthings；noabuseofpublicofficials，bigorlittle，orcomplaintsagainstthem，orpraisesofthem；noreligiouscolumnsSaturdays，norehashofcoldsermonsMondays；
no\"weatherindications\"；no\"localitem\"unveilingofwhatishappeningintown——nothingofalocalnature，indeed，ismentioned，beyondthemovementsofsomeprince，ortheproposedmeetingofsomedeliberativebody。
Aftersoformidablealistofwhatonecan\'tfindinaGermandaily，thequestionmaywellbeasked，WhatCANbefoundinit?Itiseasilyanswered:Achild\'shandfuloftelegrams，mainlyaboutEuropeannationalandinternationalpoliticalmovements；letter-correspondenceaboutthesamethings；marketreports。Thereyouhaveit。
ThatiswhataGermandailyismadeof。AGermandailyistheslowestandsaddestanddreariestoftheinventionsofman。Ourowndailiesinfuriatethereader，prettyoften；theGermandailyonlystupefieshim。
OnceaweektheGermandailyofthehighestclasslightensupitsheavycolumns——thatis，itthinksitlightensthemup——withaprofound，anabysmal，bookcriticism；
acriticismwhichcarriesyoudown，down，downintothescientificbowelsofthesubject——fortheGermancriticisnothingifnotscientific——andwhenyoucomeupatlastandscentthefreshairandseethebonnydaylightoncemore，youresolvewithoutadissentingvoicethatabookcriticismisamistakenwaytolightenupaGermandaily。Sometimes，inplaceofthecriticism，thefirst-classdailygivesyouwhatitthinksisagayandchipperessay——aboutancientGrecianfuneralcustoms，ortheancientEgyptianmethodoftarringamummy，orthereasonsforbelievingthatsomeofthepeopleswhoexistedbeforetheflooddidnotapproveofcats。
Thesearenotunpleasantsubjects；theyarenotuninterestingsubjects；theyareevenexcitingsubjects——
untiloneofthesemassivescientistsgetsholdofthem。
Hesoonconvincesyouthateventhesematterscanbehandledinsuchawayastomakeapersonlow-spirited。
AsIhavesaid，theaverageGermandailyismadeupsolelyofcorrespondences——atrifleofitbytelegraph，therestofitbymail。Everyparagraphhastheside-head，\"London，\"\"Vienna，\"orsomeothertown，andadate。
Andalways，beforethenameofthetown，isplacedaletterorasign，toindicatewhothecorrespondentis，sothattheauthoritiescanfindhimwhentheywanttohanghim。
Stars，crosses，triangles，squares，half-moons，suns——
sucharesomeofthesignsusedbycorrespondents。
Someofthedailiesmovetoofast，otherstooslowly。
Forinstance，myHeidelbergdailywasalwaystwenty-fourhoursoldwhenitarrivedatthehotel；butoneofmyMunicheveningpapersusedtocomeafulltwenty-fourhoursbeforeitwasdue。
Someofthelessimportantdailiesgiveoneatablespoonfulofacontinuedstoryeveryday；itisstrungacrossthebottomofthepage，intheFrenchfashion。
BysubscribingforthepaperforfiveyearsIjudgethatamanmightsucceedingettingprettymuchallofthestory。
IfyouaskacitizenofMunichwhichisthebestMunichdailyjournal，hewillalwaystellyouthatthereisonlyonegoodMunichdaily，andthatitispublishedinAugsburg，fortyorfiftymilesaway。ItislikesayingthatthebestdailypaperinNewYorkispublishedoutinNewJerseysomewhere。Yes，theAugsburgALLGEMEINE
ZEITUNGis\"thebestMunichpaper，\"anditistheoneI
hadinmymindwhenIwasdescribinga\"first-classGermandaily\"above。Theentirepaper，openedout，isnotquiteaslargeasasinglepageoftheNewYorkHERALD。
Itisprintedonbothsides，ofcourse；butinsuchlargetypethatitsentirecontentscouldbeput，inHERALDtype，uponasinglepageoftheHERALD——andtherewouldstillberoomenoughonthepagefortheZEITUNG\'s\"supplement\"
andsomeportionoftheZEITUNG\'snextday\'scontents。
Suchisthefirst-classdaily。ThedailiesactuallyprintedinMunichareallcalledsecond-classbythepublic。
Ifyouaskwhichisthebestofthesesecond-classpaperstheysaythereisnodifference；oneisasgoodasanother。Ihavepreservedacopyofoneofthem；
itiscalledtheMU\"NCHENERTAGES-ANZEIGER，andbearsdateJanuary25，1879。Comparisonsareodious，buttheyneednotbemalicious；andwithoutanymaliceIwishtocomparethisjournalsofothercountries。
Iknowofnootherwaytoenablethereaderto\"size\"
thething。
AcolumnofanaveragedailypaperinAmericacontainsfrom1，800to2，500words；thereading-matterinasingleissueconsistsoffrom25，000to50，000words。
Thereading-matterinmycopyoftheMunichjournalconsistsofatotalof1，654words——forIcountedthem。
Thatwouldbenearlyacolumnofoneofourdailies。
Asingleissueofthebulkiestdailynewspaperintheworld——theLondonTIMES——oftencontains100，000wordsofreading-matter。ConsideringthattheDAILYANZEIGER
issuestheusualtwenty-sixnumberspermonth，thereadingmatterinasinglenumberoftheLondonTIMESwouldkeepitin\"copy\"twomonthsandahalf。
TheANZEIGERisaneight-pagepaper；itspageisoneinchwiderandoneinchlongerthanafoolscappage；
thatistosay，thedimensionsofitspagearesomewherebetweenthoseofaschoolboy\'sslateandalady\'spockethandkerchief。One-fourthofthefirstpageistakenupwiththeheadingofthejournal；thisgivesitarathertop-heavyappearance；therestofthefirstpageisreading-matter；allofthesecondpageisreading-matter；
theothersixpagesaredevotedtoadvertisements。
Thereading-matteriscompressedintotwohundredandfivesmall-picalines，andislightedupwitheightpicaheadlines。Thebilloffareisasfollows:First，underapicaheadline，toenforceattentionandrespect，isafour-linesermonurgingmankindtorememberthat，althoughtheyarepilgrimsherebelow，theyareyetheirsofheaven；andthat\"Whentheydepartfromearththeysoartoheaven。\"Perhapsafour-linesermoninaSaturdaypaperisthesufficientGermanequivalentoftheeightortencolumnsofsermonswhichtheNew-YorkersgetintheirMondaymorningpapers。Thelatestnewstwodaysold
followsthefour-linesermon，underthepicaheadline\"Telegrams\"——theseare\"telegraphed\"withapairofscissorsoutoftheAUGSBURGERZEITUNGofthedaybefore。
Thesetelegramsconsistoffourteenandtwo-thirdslinesfromBerlin，fifteenlinesfromVienna，andtwoandfive-eightslinesfromCalcutta。Thirty-threesmall-picalinesnewsinadailyjournalinaKing\'sCapitalofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsissurelynotanoverdose。
Nextwehavethepicaheading，\"NewsoftheDay，\"
underwhichthefollowingfactsaresetforth:PrinceLeopoldisgoingonavisittoVienna，sixlines；
PrinceArnulphiscomingbackfromRussia，twolines；
theLandtagwillmeetatteno\'clockinthemorningandconsideranelectionlaw，threelinesandonewordover；
acitygovernmentitem，fiveandone-halflines；
pricesofticketstotheproposedgrandCharityBall，twenty-threelines——forthisoneitemoccupiesalmostone-fourthoftheentirefirstpage；thereistobeawonderfulWagnerconcertinFrankfurt-on-the-Main，withanorchestraofonehundredandeightinstruments，sevenandone-halflines。Thatconcludesthefirstpage。
Eighty-fivelines，altogether，onthatpage，includingthreeheadlines。Aboutfiftyofthoselines，asoneperceives，dealwithlocalmatters；sothereportersarenotoverworked。
Exactlyone-halfofthesecondpageisoccupiedwithanoperacriticism，fifty-threelinesthreeofthembeingheadlines，and\"DeathNotices，\"tenlines。
Theotherhalfofthesecondpageismadeupoftwoparagraphsundertheheadof\"MiscellaneousNews。\"
OneoftheseparagraphstellsaboutaquarrelbetweentheCzarofRussiaandhiseldestson，twenty-oneandahalflines；
andtheothertellsabouttheatrociousdestructionofapeasantchildbyitsparents，fortylines，orone-fifthofthetotalofthereading-mattercontainedinthepaper。
Considerwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofanAmericandailypaperissuedinacityofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsamountsto!Thinkwhatamassitis。
WouldanyonesupposeIcouldsosnuglytuckawaysuchamassinachapterofthisbookthatitwouldbedifficulttofinditagaininthereaderlosthisplace?Surelynot。
Iwilltranslatethatchild-murderwordforword，togivethereaderarealizingsenseofwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofaMunichdailyactuallyiswhenitcomesundermeasurementoftheeye:
\"FromOberkreuzberg，January21st，theDONAUZEITUNG
receivesalongaccountofacrime，whichweshortenedasfollows:InRametuach，avillagenearEppenschlag，livedayoungmarriedcouplewithtwochildren，oneofwhich，aboyagedfive，wasbornthreeyearsbeforethemarriage。
Forthisreason，andalsobecausearelativeatIggensbachhadbequeathedM400$100totheboy，theheartlessfatherconsideredhimintheway；sotheunnaturalparentsdeterminedtosacrificehiminthecruelestpossiblemanner。Theyproceededtostarvehimslowlytodeath，meantimefrightfullymaltreatinghim——asthevillagepeoplenowmakeknown，whenitistoolate。
Theboywasshutinahole，andwhenpeoplepassedbyhecried，andimploredthemtogivehimbread。
Hislong-continuedtorturesanddeprivationsdestroyedhimatlast，onthethirdofJanuary。Thesuddensic
deathofthechildcreatedsuspicion，themoresoasthebodywasimmediatelyclothedandlaiduponthebier。
Thereforethecoronergavenotice，andaninquestwasheldonthe6th。Whatapitifulspectaclewasdisclosedthen!
Thebodywasacompleteskeleton。Thestomachandintestineswereutterlyempty；theycontainednothingwhatsoever。
Thefleshonthecorpsewasnotasthickasthebackofaknife，andincisionsinitbroughtnotonedropofblood。
Therewasnotapieceofsoundskinthesizeofadollaronthewholebody；wounds，scars，bruises，discoloredextravasatedblood，everywhere——evenonthesolesofthefeettherewerewounds。Thecruelparentsassertedthattheboyhadbeensobadthattheyhadbeenobligedtouseseverepunishments，andthathefinallyfelloverabenchandbrokehisneck。However，theywerearrestedtwoweeksaftertheinquestandputintheprisonatDeggendorf。\"
Yes，theywerearrested\"twoweeksaftertheinquest。\"
Whatahomesoundthathas。ThatkindofpolicebrisknessrathermoreremindsmeofmynativelandthanGermanjournalismdoes。
IthinkaGermandailyjournaldoesn\'tdoanygoodtospeakof，butatthesametimeitdoesn\'tdoanyharm。
Thatisaverylargemerit，andshouldnotbelightlyweightednorlightlythoughtof。
TheGermanhumorouspapersarebeautifullyprinteduponfinepaper，andtheillustrationsarefinelydrawn，finelyengraved，andarenotvapidlyfunny，butdeliciouslyso。
Soalso，generallyspeaking，arethetwoorthreetersesentenceswhichaccompanythepictures。Irememberoneofthesepictures:Amostdilapidatedtrampisruefullycontemplatingsomecoinswhichlieinhisopenpalm。
Hesays:\"Well，beggingisgettingplayedout。Onlyaboutfivemarks$1。25forthewholeday；manyanofficialmakesmore!\"AndIcalltomindapictureofacommercialtravelerwhoisabouttounrollhissamples:
MERCHANTpettishly——NO，don\'t。Idon\'twanttobuyanything!
DRUMMER——Ifyouplease，Iwasonlygoingtoshowyou——
MERCHANT——ButIdon\'twishtoseethem!
DRUMMERafterapause，pleadingly——ButdoyouyoumindlettingMElookatthem!Ihaven\'tseenthemforthreeweeks!