Andthenthereispainting。Whataredragistoabull，Turner\'s\"SlaveShip\"wastome，beforeIstudiedart。
Mr。Ruskiniseducatedinartuptoapointwherethatpicturethrowshimintoasmadanecstasyofpleasureasitusedtothrowmeintooneofrage，lastyear，whenIwasignorant。Hiscultivationenableshim——andme，now——toseewaterinthatglaringyellowmud，andnaturaleffectsinthoseluridexplosionsofmixedsmokeandflame，andcrimsonsunsetglories；itreconcileshim——andme，now——tothefloatingofironcable-chainsandotherunfloatablethings；itreconcilesustofishesswimmingaroundontopofthemud——Imeanthewater。Themostofthepictureisamanifestimpossibility——thatistosay，alie；andonlyrigidcultivationcanenableamantofindtruthinalie。ButitenabledMr。Ruskintodoit，andithasenabledmetodoit，andIamthankfulforit。
ABostonnewspaperreporterwentandtookalookattheSlaveShipflounderingaboutinthatfierceconflagrationofredsandyellows，andsaiditremindedhimofatortoise-shellcathavingafitinaplatteroftomatoes。Inmythenuneducatedstate，thatwenthometomynon-cultivation，andIthoughthereisamanwithanunobstructedeye。
Mr。Ruskinwouldhavesaid:Thispersonisanass。
ThatiswhatIwouldsay，now。[1]
1。Monthsafterthiswaswritten，IhappenedintotheNationalGalleryinLondon，andsoonbecamesofascinatedwiththeTurnerpicturesthatIcouldhardlygetawayfromtheplace。
Iwentthereoften，afterward，meaningtoseetherestofthegallery，buttheTurnerspellwastoostrong；
itcouldnotbeshakenoff。However，theTurnerswhichattractedmemostdidnotremindmeoftheSlaveShip。
However，ourbusinessinBaden-Badenthistime，wastojoinourcourier。Ihadthoughtitbesttohireone，asweshouldbeinItaly，byandby，andwedidnotknowthelanguage。Neitherdidhe。
Wefoundhimatthehotel，readytotakechargeofus。
Iaskedhimifhewas\"allfixed。\"Hesaidhewas。
Thatwasverytrue。Hehadatrunk，twosmallsatchels，andanumbrella。Iwastopayhimfifty-fivedollarsamonthandrailwayfares。Onthecontinenttherailwayfareonatrunkisaboutthesameitisonaman。
Couriersdonothavetopayanyboardandlodging。
Thisseemsagreatsavingtothetourist——atfirst。
ItdoesnotoccurtothetouristthatSOMEBODYpaysthatman\'sboardandlodging。Itoccurstohimbyandby，however，inoneofhislucidmoments。
CHAPTERXXV
[HuntedbytheLittleChamois]
NextmorningweleftinthetrainforSwitzerland，andreachedLucerneaboutteno\'clockatnight。
ThefirstdiscoveryImadewasthatthebeautyofthelakehadnotbeenexaggerated。WithinadayortwoImadeanotherdiscovery。Thiswas，thatthelaudedchamoisisnotawildgoat；thatitisnotahornedanimal；
thatitisnotshy；thatitdoesnotavoidhumansociety；
andthatthereisnoperilinhuntingit。Thechamoisisablackorbrowncreaturenobiggerthanamustardseed；
youdonothavetogoafterit，itcomesafteryou；
itarrivesinvastherdsandskipsandscampersalloveryourbody，insideyourclothes；thusitisnotshy，butextremelysociable；itisnotafraidofman，onthecontrary，itwillattackhim；itsbiteisnotdangerous，butneitherisitpleasant；itsactivityhasnotbeenoverstated——ifyoutrytoputyourfingeronit，itwillskipathousandtimesitsownlengthatonejump，andnoeyeissharpenoughtoseewhereitlights。
AgreatdealofromanticnonsensehasbeenwrittenabouttheSwisschamoisandtheperilsofhuntingit，whereasthetruthisthatevenwomenandchildrenhuntit，andfearlessly；indeed，everybodyhuntsit；
thehuntingisgoingonallthetime，dayandnight，inbedandoutofit。Itispoeticfoolishnesstohuntitwithagun；veryfewpeopledothat；thereisnotonemaninamillionwhocanhititwithagun。
Itismucheasiertocatchitthatitistoshootit，andonlytheexperiencedchamois-huntercandoeither。
Anothercommonpieceofexaggerationisthataboutthe\"scarcity\"ofthechamois。Itisthereverseofscarce。
DrovesofonehundredmillionchamoisarenotunusualintheSwisshotels。Indeed，theyaresonumerousastobeagreatpest。Theromancersalwaysdressupthechamois-hunterinafancifulandpicturesquecostume，whereasthebestwaytohutthisgameistodoitwithoutanycostumeatall。Thearticleofcommercecalledchamois-skinisanotherfraud；nobodycouldskinachamois，itistoosmall。Thecreatureisahumbugineveryway，andeverythingwhichhasbeenwrittenaboutitissentimentalexaggeration。Itwasnopleasuretometofindthechamoisout，forhehadbeenoneofmypetillusions；
allmylifeithadbeenmydreamtoseehiminhisnativewildssomeday，andengageintheadventuroussportofchasinghimfromclifftocliff。Itisnopleasuretometoexposehim，now，anddestroythereader\'sdelightinhimandrespectforhim，butstillitmustbedone，forwhenanhonestwriterdiscoversanimpositionitishissimpledutytostripitbareandhurlitdownfromitsplaceofhonor，nomatterwhosuffersbyit；
anyothercoursewouldrenderhimunworthyofthepublicconfidence。
Lucerneisacharmingplace。Itbeginsatthewater\'sedge，withafringeofhotels，andscramblesupandspreadsitselfovertwoorthreesharphillsinacrowded，disorderly，butpicturesqueway，offeringtotheeyeaheaped-upconfusionofredroofs，quaintgables，dormerwindows，toothpicksteeples，withhereandthereabitofancientembattledwallbendingitselfovertheridges，worm-fashion，andhereandthereanoldsquaretowerofheavymasonry。Andalsohereandthereatownclockwithonlyonehand——ahandwhichstretchesacrossthedialandhasnojointinit；suchaclockhelpsoutthepicture，butyoucannottellthetimeofdaybyit。
Betweenthecurvinglineofhotelsandthelakeisabroadavenuewithlampsandadoublerankoflowshadetrees。
Thelake-frontiswalledwithmasonrylikeapier，andhasarailing，tokeeppeoplefromwalkingoverboard。
Alldaylongthevehiclesdashalongtheavenue，andnurses，children，andtouristssitintheshadeofthetrees，orleanontherailingandwatchtheschoolsoffishesdartingaboutintheclearwater，orgazeoutoverthelakeatthestatelyborderofsnow-hoodedmountainspeaks。
Littlepleasuresteamers，blackwithpeople，arecomingandgoingallthetime；andeverywhereoneseesyounggirlsandyoungmenpaddlingaboutinfancifulrowboats，orskimmingalongbythehelpofsailswhenthereisanywind。
Thefrontroomsofthehotelshavelittlerailedbalconies，whereonemaytakehisprivateluncheonincalm，coolcomfortandlookdownuponthisbusyandprettysceneandenjoyitwithouthavingtodoanyoftheworkconnectedwithit。
Mostofthepeople，bothmaleandfemale，areinwalkingcostume，andcarryalpenstocks。Evidently，itisnotconsideredsafetogoaboutinSwitzerland，evenintown，withoutanalpenstock。Ifthetouristforgetsandcomesdowntobreakfastwithouthisalpenstockhegoesbackandgetsit，andstandsitupinthecorner。
WhenhistouringinSwitzerlandisfinished，hedoesnotthrowthatbroomstickaway，butlugsithomewithhim，tothefarcornersoftheearth，althoughthiscostshimmoretroubleandbotherthanababyoracouriercould。
Yousee，thealpenstockishistrophy；hisnameisburneduponit；andifhehasclimbedahill，orjumpedabrook，ortraversedabrickyardwithit，hehasthenamesofthoseplacesburneduponit，too。
Thusitishisregimentalflag，sotospeak，andbearstherecordofhisachievements。Itisworththreefrancswhenhebuysit，butabonanzacouldnotpurchaseitafterhisgreatdeedshavebeeninscribeduponit。
ThereareartisansallaboutSwitzerlandwhosetradeitistoburnthesethingsuponthealpenstockofthetourist。
Andobserve，amanisrespectedinSwitzerlandaccordingtohisalpenstock。IfoundIcouldgetnoattentionthere，whileIcarriedanunbrandedone。However，brandingisnotexpected，soIsoonremediedthat。Theeffectuponthenextdetachmentoftouristswasverymarked。
Ifeltrepaidformytrouble。
HalfofthesummerhordeinSwitzerlandismadeupofEnglishpeople；theotherhalfismadeupofmanynationalities，theGermansleadingandtheAmericanscomingnext。
TheAmericanswerenotasnumerousasIhadexpectedtheywouldbe。
Theseven-thirtytabled\'ho^teatthegreatSchweitzerhoffurnishedamightyarrayandvarietyofnationalities，butitofferedabetteropportunitytoobservecostumesthanpeople，forthemultitudesatatimmenselylongtables，andthereforethefacesweremainlyseeninperspective；
butthebreakfastswereservedatsmallroundtables，andthenifonehadthefortunetogetatableinthemidstoftheassemblagehecouldhaveasmanyfacestostudyashecoulddesire。Weusedtotrytoguessoutthenationalities，andgenerallysucceededtolerablywell。
Sometimeswetriedtoguesspeople\'snames；butthatwasafailure；thatisathingwhichprobablyrequiresagooddealofpractice。Wepresentlydroppeditandgaveoureffortstolessdifficultparticulars。OnemorningI
said:
\"ThereisanAmericanparty。\"
Harrissaid:
\"Yes——butnamethestate。\"
Inamedonestate，Harrisnamedanother。Weagreedupononething，however——thattheyounggirlwiththepartywasverybeautiful，andverytastefullydressed。
Butwedisagreedastoherage。Isaidshewaseighteen，Harrissaidshewastwenty。Thedisputebetweenuswaxedwarm，andIfinallysaid，withapretenseofbeinginearnest:
\"Well，thereisonewaytosettlethematter——Iwillgoandaskher。\"
Harrissaid，sarcastically，\"Certainly，thatisthethingtodo。Allyouneedtodoistousethecommonformulaoverhere:goandsay，\'I\'manAmerican!\'Ofcourseshewillbegladtoseeyou。\"
Thenhehintedthatperhapstherewasnogreatdangerofmyventuringtospeaktoher。
Isaid，\"Iwasonlytalking——Ididn\'tintendtoapproachher，butIseethatyoudonotknowwhatanintrepidpersonIam。Iamnotafraidofanywomanthatwalks。
Iwillgoandspeaktothisyounggirl。\"
ThethingIhadinmymindwasnotdifficult。
Imeanttoaddressherinthemostrespectfulwayandaskhertopardonmeifherstrongresemblancetoaformeracquaintanceofminewasdeceivingme；andwhensheshouldreplythatthenameImentionedwasnotthenameshebore，Imeanttobegpardonagain，mostrespectfully，andretire。
Therewouldbenoharmdone。Iwalkedtohertable，bowedtothegentleman，thenturnedtoherandwasabouttobeginmylittlespeechwhensheexclaimed:
\"IKNEWIwasn\'tmistaken——ItoldJohnitwasyou!
Johnsaiditprobablywasn\'t，butIknewIwasright。
Isaidyouwouldrecognizemepresentlyandcomeover；
andI\'mgladyoudid，forIshouldn\'thavefeltmuchflatteredifyouhadgoneoutofthisroomwithoutrecognizingme。
Sitdown，sitdown——howodditis——youarethelastpersonI
waseverexpectingtoseeagain。\"
Thiswasastupefyingsurprise。Ittookmywitsclearaway，foraninstant。However，weshookhandscordiallyallaround，andIsatdown。ButtrulythiswasthetightestplaceIeverwasin。Iseemedtovaguelyrememberthegirl\'sface，now，butIhadnoideawhereI
hadseenitbefore，orwhatnamedbelongedwithit。
IimmediatelytriedtogetupadiversionaboutSwissscenery，tokeepherfromlaunchingintotopicsthatmightbetraythatIdidnotknowher，butitwasofnouse，shewentrightalonguponmatterswhichinterestedhermore:
\"Ohdear，whatanightthatwas，whentheseawashedtheforwardboatsaway——doyourememberit?\"
\"Oh，DON\'TI!\"saidI——butIdidn\'t。Iwishedtheseahadwashedtherudderandthesmoke-stackandthecaptainaway——thenIcouldhavelocatedthisquestioner。
\"Anddon\'tyourememberhowfrightenedpoorMarywas，andhowshecried?\"
\"IndeedIdo!\"saidI。\"Dearme，howitallcomesback!\"
IferventlywisheditWOULDcomeback——butmymemorywasablank。Thewisewaywouldhavebeentofranklyownup；
butIcouldnotbringmyselftodothat，aftertheyounggirlhadpraisedmesoforrecognizingher；soIwenton，deeperanddeeperintothemire，hopingforachancecluebutnevergettingone。TheUnrecognizablecontinued，withvivacity:
\"Doyouknow，GeorgemarriedMary，afterall?\"
\"Why，no!Didhe?\"
\"Indeedhedid。Hesaidhedidnotbelieveshewashalfasmuchtoblameasherfatherwas，andIthoughthewasright。Didn\'tyou?\"
\"Ofcoursehewas。Itwasaperfectlyplaincase。
Ialwayssaidso。\"
\"Why，noyoudidn\'t!——atleastthatsummer。\"
\"Oh，no，notthatsummer。No，youareperfectlyrightaboutthat。ItwasthefollowingwinterthatIsaidit。\"
\"Well，asitturnedout，Marywasnotintheleasttoblame——itwasallherfather\'sfault——atleasthisandoldDarley\'s。\"
Itwasnecessarytosaysomething——soIsaid:
\"IalwaysregardedDarleyasatroublesomeoldthing。\"
\"Sohewas，butthentheyalwayshadagreataffectionforhim，althoughhehadsomanyeccentricities。
Yourememberthatwhentheweatherwastheleastcold，hewouldtrytocomeintothehouse。\"
Iwasratherafraidtoproceed。EvidentlyDarleywanotaman——hemustbesomeotherkindofanimal——possiblyadog，maybeanelephant。However，tailsarecommontoallanimals，soIventuredtosay:
\"Andwhatatailhehad!\"
\"ONE!Hehadathousand!\"
Thiswasbewildering。Ididnotquiteknowwhattosay，soIonlysaid:
\"Yes，heWASratherwellfixedinthematteroftails。\"
\"Foranegro，andacrazyoneatthat，Ishouldsayhewas，\"
saidshe。
Itwasgettingprettysultryforme。Isaidtomyself，\"Isitpossiblesheisgoingtostopthere，andwaitformetospeak?Ifshedoes，theconversationisblocked。
Anegrowithathousandtailsisatopicwhichapersoncannottalkuponfluentlyandinstructivelywithoutmoreorlesspreparation。Astodivingrashlyintosuchavastsubject——\"
Buthere，tomygratitude，sheinterruptedmythoughtsbysaying:
\"Yes，whenitcametotalesofhiscrazywoes，therewassimplynoendtothemifanybodywouldlisten。Hisownquarterswerecomfortableenough，butwhentheweatherwascold，thefamilyweresuretohavehiscompany——nothingcouldkeephimoutofthehouse。ButtheyalwaysboreitkindlybecausehehadsavedTom\'slife，yearsbefore。
YourememberTom?
\"Oh，perfectly。Finefellowhewas，too。\"
\"Yeshewas。Andwhataprettylittlethinghischildwas!\"
\"Youmaywellsaythat。Ineversawaprettierchild。\"
\"Iusedtodelighttopetitanddandleitandplaywithit。\"
\"SodidI。\"
\"Younamedit。WhatWASthatname?Ican\'tcallittomind。\"
Itappearedtomethattheicewasgettingprettythin，here。Iwouldhavegivensomethingtoknowwhatthechild\'swas。However，Ihadthegoodlucktothinkofanamethatwouldfiteithersex——soIbroughtitout:
\"InameditFrances。\"
\"Fromarelative，Isuppose?Butyounamedtheonethatdied，too——onethatIneversaw。Whatdidyoucallthatone?\"
Iwasoutofneutralnames，butasthechildwasdeadandshehadneverseenit，IthoughtImightriskanameforitandtrusttoluck。ThereforeIsaid:
\"IcalledthatoneThomasHenry。\"
Shesaid，musingly:
\"Thatisverysingular……verysingular。\"
Isatstillandletthecoldsweatrundown。Iwasinagooddealoftrouble，butIbelievedIcouldworrythroughifshewouldn\'taskmetonameanymorechildren。
Iwonderedwherethelightningwasgoingtostrikenext。
Shewasstillruminatingoverthatlastchild\'stitle，butpresentlyshesaid:
\"Ihavealwaysbeensorryyouwereawayatthetime——I
wouldhavehadyounamemychild。\"
\"YOURchild!Areyoumarried?\"
\"Ihavebeenmarriedthirteenyears。\"
\"Christened，youmean。\"
`\"No，married。Theyouthbyyoursideismyson。\"
\"Itseemsincredible——evenimpossible。Idonotmeananyharmbyit，butwouldyoumindtellingmeifyouareanyovereighteen?——thatistosay，willyoutellmehowoldyouare?\"
\"Iwasjustnineteenthedayofthestormweweretalkingabout。Thatwasmybirthday。\"
Thatdidnothelpmatters，much，asIdidnotknowthedateofthestorm。Itriedtothinkofsomenon-committalthingtosay，tokeepupmyendofthetalk，andrendermypovertyinthematterofreminiscencesaslittlenoticeableaspossible，butIseemedtobeaboutoutofnon-committalthings。Iwasabouttosay，\"Youhaven\'tchangedabitsincethen\"——butthatwasrisky。
Ithoughtofsaying，\"Youhaveimprovedeversomuchsincethen\"——butthatwouldn\'tanswer，ofcourse。
Iwasabouttotryashyattheweather，forasavingchange，whenthegirlslippedinaheadofmeandsaid:
\"HowIhaveenjoyedthistalkoverthosehappyoldtimes——
haven\'tyou?\"
\"Ineverhavespentsuchahalf-hourinallmylifebefore!\"
saidI，withemotion；andIcouldhaveadded，withanearapproachtotruth，\"andIwouldratherbescalpedthanspendanotheronelikeit。\"Iwasholilygratefultobethroughwiththeordeal，andwasabouttomakemygood-bysandgetout，whenthegirlsaid:
\"Butthereisonethingthatiseversopuzzlingtome。\"
\"Why，whatisthat?\"
\"Thatdeadchild\'sname。Whatdidyousayitwas?\"
Herewasanotherbalmyplacetobein:Ihadforgottenthechild\'sname；Ihadn\'timagineditwouldbeneededagain。
However，Ihadtopretendtoknow，anyway，soIsaid:
\"JosephWilliam。\"
Theyouthatmysidecorrectedme，andsaid:
\"No，ThomasHenry。\"
Ithankedhim——inwords——andsaid，withtrepidation:
\"Oyes——IwasthinkingofanotherchildthatInamed——I
havenamedagreatmany，andIgetthemconfused——thisonewasnamedHenryThompson——\"
\"ThomasHenry，\"calmlyinterposedtheboy。
Ithankedhimagain——strictlyinwords——andstammeredout:
\"ThomasHenry——yes，ThomasHenrywasthepoorchild\'sname。
InamedhimforThomas——er——ThomasCarlyle，thegreatauthor，youknow——andHenry——er——er——HenrytheEight。TheparentswereverygratefultohaveachildnamedThomasHenry。\"
\"Thatmakesitmoresingularthanever，\"murmuredmybeautifulfriend。
\"Doesit?Why?\"
\"Becausewhentheparentsspeakofthatchildnow，theyalwayscallitSusanAmelia。\"
Thatspikedmygun。Icouldnotsayanything。Iwasentirelyoutofverbalobliquities；togofurtherwouldbetolie，andthatIwouldnotdo；soIsimplysatstillandsuffered——satmutelyandresignedlythere，andsizzled——forI
wasbeingslowlyfriedtodeathinmyownblushes。
Presentlytheenemylaughedahappylaughandsaid:
\"IHAVEenjoyedthistalkoveroldtimes，butyouhavenot。
Isawverysoonthatyouwereonlypretendingtoknowme，andsoasIhadwastedacomplimentonyouinthebeginning，Imadeupmymindtopunishyou。AndIhavesucceededprettywell。IwasgladtoseethatyouknewGeorgeandTomandDarley，forIhadneverheardofthembeforeandthereforecouldnotbesurethatyouhad；andIwasgladtolearnthenamesofthoseimaginarychildren，too。Onecangetquiteafundofinformationoutofyouifonegoesatitcleverly。Maryandthestorm，andthesweepingawayoftheforwardboats，werefacts——alltherestwasfiction。
Marywasmysister；herfullnamewasMary。NOW
doyourememberme?\"
\"Yes，\"Isaid，\"Idorememberyounow；andyouareashard-headedasyouwerethirteenyearsagointhatship，elseyouwouldn\'thavepunishedmeso。Youhaven\'tchangeyournaturenoryourperson，inanywayatall；
youlookasyoungasyoudidthen，youarejustasbeautifulasyouwerethen，andyouhavetransmittedadealofyourcomelinesstothisfineboy。There——ifthatspeechmovesyouany，let\'sflytheflagoftruce，withtheunderstandingthatIamconqueredandconfessit。\"
Allofwhichwasagreedtoandaccomplished，onthespot。
WhenIwentbacktoHarris，Isaid:
\"Nowyouseewhatapersonwithtalentandaddresscando。\"
\"Excuseme，Iseewhatapersonofcolossalignoranceandsimplicitycando。Theideaofyourgoingandintrudingonapartyofstrangers，thatway，andtalkingforhalfanhour；whyIneverheardofamaninhisrightminddoingsuchathingbefore。Whatdidyousaytothem?\"
Ineversaidanyharm。Imerelyaskedthegirlwhathernamewas。\"
\"Idon\'tdoubtit。UponmywordIdon\'t。Ithinkyouwerecapableofit。Itwasstupidinmetoletyougooverthereandmakesuchanexhibitionofyourself。
ButyouknowIcouldn\'treallybelieveyouwoulddosuchaninexcusablething。Whatwillthosepeoplethinkofus?Buthowdidyousayit?——Imeanthemannerofit。
Ihopeyouwerenotabrupt。\"
\"No，Iwascarefulaboutthat。Isaid，\'MyfriendandI
wouldliketoknowwhatyournameis，ifyoudon\'tmind。\'\"
\"No，thatwasnotabrupt。Thereisapolishaboutitthatdoesyouinfinitecredit。AndIamgladyouputmein；
thatwasadelicateattentionwhichIappreciateatitsfullvalue。Whatdidshedo?\"
\"Shedidn\'tdoanythinginparticular。Shetoldmehername。\"
\"Simplytoldyouhername。Doyoumeantosayshedidnotshowanysurprise?\"
\"Well，nowIcometothink，shedidshowsomething；
maybeitwassurprise；Ihadn\'tthoughtofthat——Itookitforgratification。\"
\"Oh，undoubtedlyyouwereright；itmusthavebeengratification；
itcouldnotbeotherwisethangratifyingtobeassaultedbyastrangerwithsuchaquestionasthat。Thenwhatdidyoudo?\"
\"Iofferedmyhandandthepartygavemeashake。\"
\"Isawit!Ididnotbelievemyowneyes，atthetime。
Didthegentlemansayanythingaboutcuttingyourthroat?\"
\"No，theyallseemedgladtoseeme，asfarasIcouldjudge。\"
\"Anddoyouknow，Ibelievetheywere。Ithinktheysaidtothemselves，\'Doubtlessthiscuriosityhasgotawayfromhiskeeper——letusamuseourselveswithhim。\'Thereisnootherwayofaccountingfortheirfaciledocility。
Yousatdown。DidtheyASKyoutositdown?\"
\"No，theydidnotaskme，butIsupposetheydidnotthinkofit。\"
\"Youhaveanunerringinstinct。Whatelsedidyoudo?
Whatdidyoutalkabout?\"
\"Well，Iaskedthegirlhowoldshewas。\"
\"UNdoubtedly。Yourdelicacyisbeyondpraise。Goon，goon——don\'tmindmyapparentmisery——IalwayslooksowhenIamsteepedinaprofoundandreverentjoy。
Goon——shetoldyouherage?\"
\"Yes，shetoldmeherage，andallabouthermother，andhergrandmother，andherotherrelations，andallaboutherself。\"
\"Didshevolunteerthesestatistics?\"
\"No，notexactlythat。Iaskedthequestionsandsheansweredthem。\"
\"Thisisdivine。Goon——itisnotpossiblethatyouforgottoinquireintoherpolitics?\"
\"No，Ithoughtofthat。Sheisademocrat，herhusbandisarepublican，andbothofthemareBaptists。\"
\"Herhusband?Isthatchildmarried?\"
\"Sheisnotachild。Sheismarried，andthatisherhusbandwhoistherewithher。\"
\"Hassheanychildren。\"
\"Yes——sevenandahalf。\"
\"Thatisimpossible。\"
\"No，shehasthem。Shetoldmeherself。\"
\"Well，butsevenandaHALF?Howdoyoumakeoutthehalf?
Wheredoesthehalfcomein?\"
\"Thereisachildwhichshehadbyanotherhusband——
notthisonebutanotherone——soitisastepchild，andtheydonotcountinfullmeasure。\"
\"Anotherhusband?Hassheanotherhusband?\"
\"Yes，four。Thisoneisnumberfour。\"
\"Idon\'tbelieveawordofit。Itisimpossible，uponitsface。Isthatboythereherbrother?\"
\"No，thatisherson。Heisheryoungest。Heisnotasoldashelooked；heisonlyelevenandahalf。\"
\"Thesethingsareallmanifestlyimpossible。Thisisawretchedbusiness。Itisaplaincase:theysimplytookyourmeasure，andconcludedtofillyouup。Theyseemtohavesucceeded。IamgladIamnotinthemess；
theymayatleastbecharitableenoughtothinkthereain\'tapairofus。Aretheygoingtostayherelong?\"
\"No，theyleavebeforenoon。\"
\"Thereisonemanwhoisdeeplygratefulforthat。
Howdidyoufindout?Youasked，Isuppose?\"
\"No，alongatfirstIinquiredintotheirplans，inageneralway，andtheysaidtheyweregoingtobehereaweek，andmaketripsroundabout；buttowardtheendoftheinterview，whenIsaidyouandIwouldtouraroundwiththemwithpleasure，andofferedtobringyouoverandintroduceyou，theyhesitatedalittle，andaskedifyouwerefromthesameestablishmentthatIwas。
Isaidyouwere，andthentheysaidtheyhadchangedtheirmindandconsidereditnecessarytostartatonceandvisitasickrelativeinSiberia。\"
\"Ah，me，youstruckthesummit!Youstrucktheloftiestaltitudeofstupiditythathumanefforthaseverreached。
Youshallhaveamonumentofjackasses\'skullsashighastheStrasburgspireifyoudiebeforeIdo。
TheywantedtoknowIwasfromthesame\'establishment\'
thatyouhailedfrom，didthey?Whatdidtheymeanby\'establishment\'?\"
\"Idon\'tknow；itneveroccurredtometoask。\"
\"Well_I_know。theymeantanasylum——anIDIOTasylum，doyouunderstand?SotheyDOthinkthere\'sapairofus，afterall。Nowwhatdoyouthinkofyourself?\"
\"Well，Idon\'tknow。Ididn\'tknowIwasdoinganyharm；
Ididn\'tMEANtodoanyharm。Theywereverynicepeople，andtheyseemedtolikeme。\"
Harrismadesomeruderemarksandleftforhisbedroom——
tobreaksomefurniture，hesaid。Hewasasingularlyirascibleman；anylittlethingwoulddisturbhistemper。
Ihadbeenwellscorchedbytheyoungwoman，butnomatter，ItookitoutonHarris。Oneshouldalways\"geteven\"
insomeway，elsethesoreplacewillgoonhurting。
CHAPTERXXVI
[TheNestoftheCuckoo-clock]
TheHofkircheiscelebratedforitsorganconcerts。
Allsummerlongthetouristsflocktothatchurchaboutsixo\'clockintheevening，andpaytheirfranc，andlistentothenoise。Theydon\'tstaytohearallofit，butgetupandtrampoutoverthesoundingstonefloor，meetinglatecomerswhotrampininasoundingandvigorousway。
Thistrampingbackandforthiskeptupnearlyallthetime，andisaccentedbythecontinuousslammingofthedoor，andthecoughingandbarkingandsneezingofthecrowd。
Meantime，thebigorganisboomingandcrashingandthunderingaway，doingitsbesttoprovethatitisthebiggestandbestorganinEurope，andthatatightlittleboxofachurchisthemostfavorableplacetoaverageandappreciateitspowersin。Itistrue，thereweresomesoftandmercifulpassagesoccasionally，butthetramp-trampofthetouristsonlyallowedonetogetfitfulglimpsesofthem，sotospeak。Thenrightawaytheorganistwouldletgoanotheravalanche。
ThecommerceofLucerneconsistsmainlyingimcrackeryofthesouvenirsort；theshopsarepackedwithAlpinecrystals，photographsofscenery，andwoodenandivorycarvings。
IwillnotconcealthefactthatminiaturefiguresoftheLionofLucernearetobehadinthem。Millionsofthem。
Buttheyarelibelsuponhim，everyoneofthem。
Thereisasubtlesomethingaboutthemajesticpathosoftheoriginalwhichthecopyistcannotget。Eventhesunfailstogetit；boththephotographerandthecarvergiveyouadyinglion，andthatisall。Theshapeisright，theattitudeisright，theproportionsareright，butthatindescribablesomethingwhichmakestheLionofLucernethemostmournfulandmovingpieceofstoneintheworld，iswanting。
TheLionliesinhislairintheperpendicularfaceofalowcliff——forheiscarvedfromthelivingrockofthecliff。
Hissizeiscolossal，hisattitudeisnoble。Howheadisbowed，thebrokenspearisstickinginhisshoulder，hisprotectingpawrestsupontheliliesofFrance。
Vineshangdownthecliffandwaveinthewind，andaclearstreamtricklesfromaboveandemptiesintoapondatthebase，andinthesmoothsurfaceofthepondthelionismirrored，amongthewater-lilies。
Aroundaboutaregreentreesandgrass。Theplaceisasheltered，reposefulwoodlandnook，remotefromnoiseandstirandconfusion——andallthisisfitting，forlionsdodieinsuchplaces，andnotongranitepedestalsinpublicsquaresfencedwithfancyironrailings。
TheLionofLucernewouldbeimpressiveanywhere，butnowheresoimpressiveaswhereheis。
Martyrdomistheluckiestfatethatcanbefallsomepeople。
LouisXVIdidnotdieinhisbed，consequentlyhistoryisverygentlewithhim；sheischaritabletowardhisfailings，andshefindsinhimhighvirtueswhicharenotusuallyconsideredtobevirtueswhentheyarelodgedinkings。
Shemakeshimouttobeapersonwithameekandmodestspirit，theheartofafemalesaint，andawronghead。
Noneofthesequalitiesarekinglybutthelast。
Takentogethertheymakeacharacterwhichwouldhavefaredharshlyatthehandsofhistoryifitsownerhadhadtheilllucktomissmartyrdom。Withthebestintentionstodotherightthing，healwaysmanagedtodothewrongone。
Moreover，nothingcouldgetthefemalesaintoutofhim。
Heknew，wellenough，thatinnationalemergencieshemustnotconsiderhowheoughttoact，asaman，buthowheoughttoactasaking；sohehonestlytriedtosinkthemanandbetheking——butitwasafailure，heonlysucceededinbeingthefemalesaint。Hewasnotinstantinseason，butoutofseason。Hecouldnotbepersuadedtodoathingwhileitcoulddoanygood——hewasiron，hewasadamantinhisstubbornnessthen——butassoonasthethinghadreachedapointwhereitwouldbepositivelyharmfultodoit，doithewould，andnothingcouldstophim。Hedidnotdoitbecauseitwouldbeharmful，butbecausehehopeditwasnotyettoolatetoachievebyitthegoodwhichitwouldhavedoneifappliedearlier。
Hiscomprehensionwasalwaysatrainortwobehindhand。
Ifanationaltoerequiredamputating，hecouldnotseethatitneededanythingmorethanpoulticing；whenotherssawthatthemortificationhadreachedtheknee，hefirstperceivedthatthetoeneededcuttingoff——sohecutitoff；
andheseveredthelegatthekneewhenotherssawthatthediseasehadreachedthethigh。Hewasgood，andhonest，andwellmeaning，inthematterofchasingnationaldiseases，buthenevercouldovertakeone。Asaprivateman，hewouldhavebeenlovable；butviewedasaking，hewasstrictlycontemptible。
Hiswasamostunroyalcareer，butthemostpitiablespectacleinitwashissentimentaltreacherytohisSwissguardonthatmemorable10thofAugust，whenheallowedthoseheroestobemassacredinhiscause，andforbadethemtoshedthe\"sacredFrenchblood\"
purportingtobeflowingintheveinsofthered-cappedmobofmiscreantsthatwasragingaroundthepalace。
Hemeanttobekingly，buthewasonlythefemalesaintoncemore。SomeofhisbiographersthinkthatuponthisoccasionthespiritofSaintLouishaddescendeduponhim。
Itmusthavefoundprettycrampedquarters。IfNapoleontheFirsthadstoodintheshoesofLouisXVIthatday，insteadofbeingmerelyacasualandunknownlooker-on，therewouldbenoLionofLucerne，now，buttherewouldbeawell-stockedCommunistgraveyardinPariswhichwouldanswerjustaswelltorememberthe10thofAugustby。
MartyrdommadeasaintofMaryQueenofScotsthreehundredyearsago，andshehashardlylostallofhersaintshipyet。MartyrdommadeasaintofthetrivialandfoolishMarieAntoinette，andherbiographersstillkeepherfragrantwiththeodorofsanctitytothisday，whileunconsciouslyprovinguponalmosteverypagetheywritethattheonlycalamitousinstinctwhichherhusbandlacked，shesupplied——theinstincttorootoutandgetridofanhonest，able，andloyalofficial，wherevershefoundhim。
ThehideousbutbeneficentFrenchRevolutionwouldhavebeendeferred，orwouldhavefallenshortofcompleteness，orevenmightnothavehappenedatall，ifMarieAntoinettehadmadetheunwisemistakeofnotbeingborn。
TheworldowesagreatdealtotheFrenchRevolution，andconsequentlytoitstwochiefpromoters，LouisthePoorinSpiritandhisqueen。
WedidnotbuyanywoodenimagesoftheLion，noranyivoryorebonyormarbleorchalkorsugarorchocolateones，orevenanyphotographicslandersofhim。Thetruthis，thesecopiesweresocommon，souniversal，intheshopsandeverywhere，thattheypresentlybecameasintolerabletotheweariedeyeasthelatestpopularmelodyusuallybecomestotheharassedear。InLucerne，too，thewoodcarvingsofothersorts，whichhadbeensopleasanttolookuponwhenonesawthemoccasionallyathome，soonbegantofatigueus。Wegrewverytiredofseeingwoodenquailsandchickenspickingandstrutingaroundclock-faces，andstillmoretiredofseeingwoodenimagesoftheallegedchamoisskippingaboutwoodenrocks，orlyingupontheminfamilygroups，orpeeringalertlyupfrombehindthem。
Thefirstday，IwouldhaveboughtahundredandfiftyoftheseclocksifIhadthemoney——andIdidbuythree——
butonthethirddaythediseasehadrunitscourse，Ihadconvalesced，andwasinthemarketoncemore——tryingtosell。However，Ihadnoluck；whichwasjustaswell，forthethingswillbeprettyenough，nodoubt，whenIgetthemhome。
Foryearsmypetaversionhadbeenthecuckooclock；
nowhereIwas，atlast，rightinthecreature\'shome；
sowhereverIwentthatdistressing\"HOO\'hoo!HOO\'hoo!
HOO\'hoo!\"wasalwaysinmyears。Foranervousman，thiswasafinestateofthings。Somesoundsarehatefulerthanothers，butnosoundisquitesoinane，andsilly，andaggravatingasthe\"HOO\'hoo\"ofacuckooclock，Ithink。
Iboughtone，andamcarryingithometoacertainperson；
forIhavealwayssaidthatiftheopportunityeverhappened，Iwoulddothatmananillturn。WhatImeant，was，thatI
wouldbreakoneofhislegs，orsomethingofthatsort；
butinLucerneIinstantlysawthatIcouldimpairhismind。
Thatwouldbemorelasting，andmoresatisfactoryeveryway。
SoIboughtthecuckooclock；andifIevergethomewithit，heis\"mymeat，\"astheysayinthemines。
Ithoughtofanothercandidate——abook-reviewerwhomIcouldnameifIwantedto——butafterthinkingitover，Ididn\'tbuyhimaclock。Icouldn\'tinjurehismind。
Wevisitedthetwolong，coveredwoodenbridgeswhichspanthegreenandbrilliantReussjustbelowwhereitgoesplungingandhurrahingoutofthelake。Theserambling，sway-backedtunnelsareveryattractivethings，withtheiralcovedoutlooksuponthelovelyandinspiritingwater。
Theycontaintwoorthreehundredqueeroldpictures，byoldSwissmasters——oldbosssign-painters，whoflourishedbeforethedecadenceofart。
Thelakeisalivewithfishes，plainlyvisibletotheeye，forthewaterisveryclear。Theparapetsinfrontofthehotelswereusuallyfringedwithfishersofallages。
OnedayIthoughtIwouldstopandseeafishcaught。
Theresultbroughtbacktomymind，veryforcibly，acircumstancewhichIhadnotthoughtofbeforefortwelveyears。Thisone:
THEMANWHOPUTUPATGADSBY\'S
WhenmyoddfriendRileyandIwerenewspapercorrespondentsinWashington，inthewinterof\'67，wewerecomingdownPennsylvaniaAvenueonenight，nearmidnight，inadrivingstormofsnow，whentheflashofastreet-lampfelluponamanwhowaseagerlytearingalongintheoppositedirection。
Thisislucky!YouareMr。Riley，ain\'tyou?\"
Rileywasthemostself-possessedandsolemnlydeliberatepersonintherepublic。Hestopped，lookedhismanoverfromheadtofoot，andfinallysaid:
\"IamMr。Riley。Didyouhappentobelookingforme?\"
\"That\'sjustwhatIwasdoing，\"saidtheman，joyously，\"andit\'sthebiggestluckintheworldthatI\'vefoundyou。