MynameisLykins。I\'moneoftheteachersofthehighschool——SanFrancisco。AssoonasIheardtheSanFranciscopostmastershipwasvacant，Imadeupmymindtogetit——andhereIam。\"
\"Yes，\"saidRiley，slowly，\"asyouhaveremarked……
Mr。Lykins……hereyouare。Andhaveyougotit?\"
\"Well，notexactlyGOTit，butthenextthingtoit。
I\'vebroughtapetition，signedbytheSuperintendentofPublicInstruction，andalltheteachers，andbymorethantwohundredotherpeople。NowIwantyou，ifyou\'llbesogood，togoaroundwithmetothePacificdelegation，forIwanttorushthisthingthroughandgetalonghome。\"
\"Ifthematterissopressing，youwillpreferthatwevisitthedelegationtonight，\"saidRiley，inavoicewhichhadnothingmockinginit——toanunaccustomedear。
\"Oh，tonight，byallmeans!Ihaven\'tgotanytimetofoolaround。IwanttheirpromisebeforeIgotobed——
Iain\'tthetalkingkind，I\'mtheDOINGkind!\"
\"Yes……you\'vecometotherightplaceforthat。
Whendidyouarrive?\"
\"Justanhourago。\"
\"Whenareyouintendingtoleave?\"
\"ForNewYorktomorrowevening——forSanFrancisconextmorning。\"
\"Justso……Whatareyougoingtodotomorrow?\"
\"DO!Why，I\'vegottogotothePresidentwiththepetitionandthedelegation，andgettheappointment，haven\'tI?\"
\"Yes……verytrue……thatiscorrect。Andthenwhat?\"
\"ExecutivesessionoftheSenateat2P。M——gottogettheappointmentconfirmed——Ireckonyou\'llgrantthat?\"
\"Yes……yes，\"saidRiley，meditatively，\"youarerightagain。ThenyoutakethetrainforNewYorkintheevening，andthesteamerforSanFrancisconextmorning?\"
\"That\'sit——that\'sthewayImapitout!\"
Rileyconsideredawhile，andthensaid:
\"Youcouldn\'tstay……aday……well，saytwodayslonger?\"
\"Blessyoursoul，no!It\'snotmystyle。Iain\'tamantogofoolingaround——I\'mamanthatDOESthings，Itellyou。\"
Thestormwasraging，thethicksnowblowingingusts。
Rileystoodsilent，apparentlydeepinareverie，duringaminuteormore，thenhelookedupandsaid:
\"HaveyoueverheardaboutthatmanwhoputupatGadsby\'s，once?……ButIseeyouhaven\'t。\"
HebackedMr。Lykinsagainstanironfence，buttonholedhim，fastenedhimwithhiseye，liketheAncientMariner，andproceededtounfoldhisnarrativeasplacidlyandpeacefullyasifwewereallstretchedcomfortablyinablossomysummermeadowinsteadofbeingpersecutedbyawintrymidnighttempest:
\"Iwilltellyouaboutthatman。ItwasinJackson\'stime。
Gadsby\'swastheprincipalhotel，then。Well，thismanarrivedfromTennesseeaboutnineo\'clock，onemorning，withablackcoachmanandasplendidfour-horsecarriageandanelegantdog，whichhewasevidentlyfondofandproudof；
hedroveupbeforeGadsby\'s，andtheclerkandthelandlordandeverybodyrushedouttotakechargeofhim，buthesaid，\'Nevermind，\'andjumpedoutandtoldthecoachmantowait——saidhehadn\'ttimetotakeanythingtoeat，heonlyhadalittleclaimagainstthegovernmenttocollect，wouldrunacrosstheway，totheTreasury，andfetchthemoney，andthengetrightalongbacktoTennessee，forhewasinconsiderableofahurry。
\"Well，abouteleveno\'clockthatnighthecamebackandorderedabedandtoldthemtoputthehorsesup——saidhewouldcollecttheclaiminthemorning。
ThiswasinJanuary，youunderstand——January，1834——
the3dofJanuary——Wednesday。
\"Well，onthe5thofFebruary，hesoldthefinecarriage，andboughtacheapsecond-handone——saiditwouldanswerjustaswelltotakethemoneyhomein，andhedidn\'tcareforstyle。
\"Onthe11thofAugusthesoldapairofthefinehorses——
saidhe\'doftenthoughtapairwasbetterthanfour，togoovertheroughmountainroadswithwhereabodyhadtobecarefulabouthisdriving——andtherewasn\'tsomuchofhisclaimbuthecouldlugthemoneyhomewithapaireasyenough。
\"Onthe13thofDecemberhesoldanotherhorse——saidtwowarn\'tnecessarytodragthatoldlightvehiclewith——infact，onecouldsnatchitalongfasterthanwasabsolutelynecessary，nowthatitwasgoodsolidwinterweatherandtheroadsinsplendidcondition。
\"Onthe17thofFebruary，1835，hesoldtheoldcarriageandboughtacheapsecond-handbuggy——saidabuggywasjustthetricktoskimalongmushy，slushyearlyspringroadswith，andhehadalwayswantedtotryabuggyonthosemountainroads，anyway。
\"Onthe1stAugusthesoldthebuggyandboughttheremainsofanoldsulky——saidhejustwantedtoseethosegreenTennesseansstareandgawkwhentheysawhimcomea-rippingalonginasulky——didn\'tbelievethey\'deverheardofasulkyintheirlives。
\"Well，onthe29thofAugusthesoldhiscoloredcoachman——saidhedidn\'tneedacoachmanforasulky——
wouldn\'tberoomenoughfortwoinitanyway——and，besides，itwasn\'teverydaythatProvidencesentamanafoolwhowaswillingtopayninehundreddollarsforsuchathird-ratenegroasthat——beenwantingtogetridofthecreatureforyears，butdidn\'tliketoTHROWhimaway。
\"Eighteenmonthslater——thatistosay，onthe15thofFebruary，1837——hesoldthesulkyandboughtasaddle——saidhorseback-ridingwaswhatthedoctorhadalwaysrecommendedHIMtotake，anddog\'difhewantedtoriskHISneckgoingoverthosemountainroadsonwheelsinthedeadofwinter，notifheknewhimself。
\"Onthe9thofAprilhesoldthesaddle——saidhewasn\'tgoingtoriskHISlifewithanyperishablesaddle-girththateverwasmade，overarainy，miryAprilroad，whilehecouldridebarebackandknowandfeelhewassafe——alwaysHADdespisedtorideonasaddle，anyway。
\"Onthe24thofAprilhesoldhishorse——said\'I\'mjustfifty-seventoday，haleandhearty——itwouldbeaPRETTY
howdy-doformetobewastingsuchatripasthatandsuchweatherasthis，onahorse，whenthereain\'tanythingintheworldsosplendidasatramponfootthroughthefreshspringwoodsandoverthecheerymountains，toamanthatISaman——andIcanmakemydogcarrymyclaiminalittlebundle，anyway，whenit\'scollected。
SotomorrowI\'llbeupbrightandearly，makemylittleoldcollection，andmoseyofftoTennessee，onmyownhindlegs，witharousinggood-bytoGadsby\'s。\'
\"Onthe22dofJunehesoldhisdog——said\'Dernadog，anyway，whereyou\'rejuststartingoffonarattlingbullypleasuretrampthroughthesummerwoodsandhills——perfectnuisance——chasesthesquirrels，barksateverything，goesa-caperingandsplatteringaroundinthefords——
mancan\'tgetanychancetoreflectandenjoynature——
andI\'dablamedsightruthercarrytheclaimmyself，it\'samightysightsafer；adog\'smightyuncertaininafinancialway——alwaysnoticedit——well，GOOD-by，boys——lastcall——I\'moffforTennesseewithagoodlegandagayheart，earlyinthemorning。\'\"
Therewasapauseandasilence——exceptthenoiseofthewindandthepeltingsnow。Mr。Lykinssaid，impatiently:
\"Well?\"
Rileysaid:
\"Well，——thatwasthirtyyearsago。\"
\"Verywell，verywell——whatofit?\"
\"I\'mgreatfriendswiththatoldpatriarch。Hecomeseveryeveningtotellmegood-by。Isawhimanhourago——
he\'soffforTennesseeearlytomorrowmorning——asusual；
saidhecalculatedtogethisclaimthroughandbeoffbeforenight-owlslikemehaveturnedoutofbed。
Thetearswereinhiseyes，hewassogladhewasgoingtoseehisoldTennesseeandhisfriendsoncemore。\"
Anothersilentpause。Thestrangerbrokeit:
\"Isthatall?\"
\"Thatisall。\"
\"Well，fortheTIMEofnight，andtheKINDofnight，itseemstomethestorywasfulllongenough。Butwhat\'sitallFOR?\"
\"Oh，nothinginparticular。\"
\"Well，where\'sthepointofit?\"
\"Oh，thereisn\'tanyparticularpointtoit。Only，ifyouarenotinTOOmuchofahurrytorushofftoSanFranciscowiththatpost-officeappointment，Mr。Lykins，I\'dadviseyouto\'PUTUPATGADSBY\'S\'foraspell，andtakeiteasy。
Good-by。GODblessyou!\"
Sosaying，Rileyblandlyturnedonhisheelandlefttheastonishedschool-teacherstandingthere，amusingandmotionlesssnowimageshininginthebroadglowofthestreet-lamp。
Henevergotthatpost-office。
TogobacktoLucerneanditsfishers，Iconcluded，afteraboutninehours\'waiting，thatthemanwhoproposestotarrytillheseessomethinghookoneofthosewell-fedandexperiencedfisheswillfinditwisdomto\"putupatGadsby\'s\"andtakeiteasy。Itislikelythatafishhasnotbeencaughtonthatlakepierforfortyyears；
butnomatter，thepatientfisherwatcheshiscorkthereallthedaylong，justthesame，andseemstoenjoyit。
Onemayseethefisher-loafersjustasthickandcontentedandhappyandpatientallalongtheSeineatParis，buttraditionsaysthattheonlythingevercaughtthereinmoderntimesisathingtheydon\'tfishforatall——therecentdogandthetranslatedcat。
CHAPTERXXVII
[ISpareanAwfulBore]
ClosebytheLionofLucerneiswhattheycallthe\"GlacierGarden\"——anditistheonlyoneintheworld。
Itisonhighground。Fourorfiveyearsago，someworkmenwhowerediggingfoundationsforahousecameuponthisinterestingrelicofalong-departedage。
Scientificmenperceivedinitaconfirmationoftheirtheoriesconcerningtheglacialperiod；sothroughtheirpersuasionsthelittletractofgroundwasboughtandpermanentlyprotectedagainstbeingbuiltupon。
Thesoilwasremoved，andtherelaytheraspedandgutteredtrackwhichtheancientglacierhadmadeasitmovedalonguponitsslowandtediousjourney。Thistrackwasperforatedbyhugepot-shapedholesinthebed-rock，formedbythefuriouswashing-aroundinthemofbouldersbytheturbulenttorrentwhichflowsbeneathallglaciers。
Thesehugeroundbouldersstillremainintheholes；
theyandthewallsoftheholesarewornsmoothbythelong-continuedchafingwhichtheygaveeachotherinthoseolddays。Ittookamightyforcetochurnthesebiglumpsofstonearoundinthatvigorousway。
Theneighboringcountryhadaverydifferentshape，atthattime——thevalleyshaverisenupandbecomehills，since，andthehillshavebecomevalleys。Thebouldersdiscoveredinthepotshadtraveledagreatdistance，forthereisnorocklikethemnearerthanthedistantRhoneGlacier。
ForsomedayswewerecontenttoenjoylookingatthebluelakeLucerneandatthepiled-upmassesofsnow-mountainsthatborderitallaround——anenticingspectacle，thislast，forthereisastrangeandfascinatingbeautyandcharmaboutamajesticsnow-peakwiththesunblazinguponitorthemoonlightsoftlyenrichingit——butfinallyweconcludedtotryabitofexcursioningaroundonasteamboat，andadashonfootattheRigi。Verywell，wehadadelightfultriptoFluelen，onabreezy，sunnyday。
Everybodysatontheupperdeck，onbenches，underanawning；
everybodytalked，laughed，andexclaimedatthewonderscenery；
intruth，atriponthatlakeisalmosttheperfectionofpleasuring。Themountainswereanever-ceasingmarvel。
Sometimestheyrosestraightupoutofthelake，andtoweredaloftandovershadowedourpygmysteamerwiththeirprodigiousbulkinthemostimpressiveway。
Notsnow-cladmountains，these，yettheyclimbedhighenoughtowardtheskytomeetthecloudsandveiltheirforeheadsinthem。Theywerenotbarrenandrepulsive，butclothedingreen，andrestfulandpleasanttotheeye。
Andtheyweresoalmoststraight-up-and-down，sometimes，thatonecouldnotimagineamanbeingabletokeephisfootinguponsuchasurface，yettherearepaths，andtheSwisspeoplegoupanddownthemeveryday。
Sometimesoneofthesemonsterprecipiceshadtheslightinclinationofthehugeship-housesindockyards——
thenhighaloft，towardthesky，ittookalittlestrongerinclination，likethatofamansardroof——andperchedonthisdizzymansardone\'seyedetectedlittlethingslikemartinboxes，andpresentlyperceivedthatthesewerethedwellingsofpeasants——anairyplaceforahome，truly。Andsupposeapeasantshouldwalkinhissleep，orhischildshouldfalloutofthefrontyard?——thefriendswouldhaveatediouslongjourneydownoutofthosecloud-heightsbeforetheyfoundtheremains。
Andyetthosefar-awayhomeslookedeversoseductive，theyweresoremotefromthetroubledworld，theydozedinsuchanatmosphereofpeaceanddreams——surelynoonewhohaslearnedtoliveuptherewouldeverwanttoliveonameanerlevel。
Wesweptthroughtheprettiestlittlecurvingarmsofthelake，amongthesecolossalgreenwalls，enjoyingnewdelights，always，asthestatelypanoramaunfoldeditselfbeforeusandrerolledandhiditselfbehindus；andnowandthenwehadthethrillingsurpriseofburstingsuddenlyuponatremendouswhitemasslikethedistantanddominatingJungfrau，orsomekindredgiant，loomingheadandshouldersaboveatumbledwasteoflesserAlps。
Once，whileIwashungrilytakinginoneofthesesurprises，anddoingmybesttogetallIpossiblycouldofitwhileitshouldlast，Iwasinterruptedbyayoungandcare-freevoice:
\"You\'reanAmerican，Ithink——so\'mI。\"
Hewasabouteighteen，orpossiblynineteen；slenderandofmediumheight；open，frank，happyface；arestlessbutindependenteye；asnubnose，whichhadtheairofdrawingbackwithadecentreservefromthesilkynew-bornmustachebelowituntilitshouldbeintroduced；
alooselyhungjaw，calculatedtoworkeasilyinthesockets。
Heworealow-crowned，narrow-brimmedstrawhat，withabroadblueribbonarounditwhichhadawhiteanchorembroideredonitinfront；nobbyshort-tailedcoat，pantaloons，vest，alltrimandneatandupwiththefashion；red-stripedstockings，verylow-quarterpatent-leathershoes，tiedwithblackribbon；blueribbonaroundhisneck，wide-opencollar；tinydiamondstuds；
wrinklelesskids；projectingcuffs，fastenedwithlargeoxidizedsilversleeve-buttons，bearingthedeviceofadog\'sface——Englishpug。Hecarriesaslimcane，surmountedwithanEnglishpug\'sheadwithredglasseyes。
UnderhisarmhecarriedaGermangrammar——Otto\'s。Hishairwasshort，straight，andsmooth，andpresentlywhenheturnedhisheadamoment，Isawthatitwasnicelypartedbehind。
Hetookacigaretteoutofadaintybox，stuckitintoameerschaumholderwhichhecarriedinamoroccocase，andreachedformycigar。Whilehewaslighting，Isaid:
\"Yes——IamanAmerican。\"
\"Iknewit——Icanalwaystellthem。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?\"
\"HOLSATIA。\"
\"WecameintheBATAVIA——Cunard，youknow。Whatkindofpassagedidyouhave?\"
\"Tolerablyrough。\"
\"Sodidwe。Captainsaidhe\'dhardlyeverseenitrougher。
Whereareyoufrom?\"
\"NewEngland。\"
\"So\'mI。I\'mfromNewBloomfield。Anybodywithyou?\"
\"Yes——afriend。\"
\"Ourwholefamily\'salong。It\'sawfulslow，goingaroundalone——don\'tyouthinkso?\"
\"Ratherslow。\"
\"Everbeenoverherebefore?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Ihaven\'t。Myfirsttrip。Butwe\'vebeenallaround——Parisandeverywhere。I\'mtoenterHarvardnextyear。
StudyingGermanallthetime，now。Can\'tentertillI
knowGerman。IknowconsiderableFrench——IgetalongprettywellinParis，oranywherewheretheyspeakFrench。
Whathotelareyoustoppingat?\"
\"Schweitzerhof。\"
\"No!isthatso?Ineverseeyouinthereception-room。
Igotothereception-roomagooddealofthetime，becausethere\'ssomanyAmericansthere。Imakelotsofacquaintances。IknowanAmericanassoonasIseehim——andsoIspeaktohimandmakehisacquaintance。
Iliketobealwaysmakingacquaintances——don\'tyou?\"
\"Lord，yes!\"
\"Youseeitbreaksupatriplikethis，firstrate。
Inevergotboredonatriplikethis，ifIcanmakeacquaintancesandhavesomebodytotalkto。
ButIthinkatriplikethiswouldbeanawfulbore，ifabodycouldn\'tfindanybodytogetacquaintedwithandtalktoonatriplikethis。I\'mfondoftalking，ain\'tyou?
\"Passionately。\"
\"Haveyoufeltbored，onthistrip?\"
\"Notallthetime，partofit。\"
\"That\'sit!——youseeyououghttogoaroundandgetacquainted，andtalk。That\'smyway。That\'sthewayIalwaysdo——I
justgo\'round，\'round，\'roundandtalk，talk，talk——I
nevergetbored。YoubeenuptheRigiyet?\"
\"No。\"
\"Going?\"
\"Ithinkso。\"
\"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?\"
\"Idon\'tknow。Istheremorethanone?\"
\"Three。YoustopattheSchreiber——you\'llfinditfullofAmericans。Whatshipdidyousayyoucameoverin?\"
\"CITYOFANTWERP。\"
\"German，Iguess。YougoingtoGeneva?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?\"
\"Hoteldel\'\'EcudeG\'en`eve。\"
\"Don\'tyoudoit!NoAmericansthere!Youstopatoneofthosebighotelsoverthebridge——they\'repackedfullofAmericans。\"
\"ButIwanttopracticemyArabic。\"
\"Goodgracious，doyouspeakArabic?\"
\"Yes——wellenoughtogetalong。\"
\"Why，hangit，youwon\'tgetalonginGeneva——THEYdon\'tspeakArabic，theyspeakFrench。Whathotelareyoustoppingathere?\"
\"HotelPension-Beaurivage。\"
\"Sho，yououghttostopattheSchweitzerhof。Didn\'tyouknowtheSchweitzerhofwasthebesthotelinSwitzerland?——
lookatyourBaedeker。\"
\"Yes，Iknow——butIhadanideatherewarn\'tanyAmericansthere。\"
\"NoAmericans!Why，blessyoursoul，it\'sjustalivewiththem!I\'minthegreatreception-roommostallthetime。
Imakelotsofacquaintancesthere。NotasmanyasIdidatfirst，becausenowonlythenewonesstopinthere——
theothersgorightalongthrough。Whereareyoufrom?\"
\"Arkansaw。\"
\"Isthatso?I\'mfromNewEngland——NewBloomfield\'smytownwhenI\'mathome。I\'mhavingamightygoodtimetoday，ain\'tyou?\"
\"Divine。\"
\"That\'swhatIcallit。Ilikethisknockingaround，looseandeasy，andmakingacquaintancesandtalking。
IknowanAmerican，soonasIseehim；soIgoandspeaktohimandmakehisacquaintance。Iain\'teverbored，onatriplikethis，ifIcanmakenewacquaintancesandtalk。
I\'mawfulfondoftalkingwhenIcangetholdoftherightkindofaperson，ain\'tyou?\"
\"Ipreferittoanyotherdissipation。\"
\"That\'smynotion，too。Nowsomepeopleliketotakeabookandsitdownandread，andread，andread，ormoonaroundyawpingatthelakeorthesemountainsandthings，butthatain\'tmyway；no，sir，iftheylikeit，let\'emdoit，Idon\'tobject；butasforme，talking\'swhat_I_like。
YoubeenuptheRigi?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Whathoteldidyoustopat?\"
\"Schreiber。\"
\"That\'stheplace!——Istoppedtheretoo。FULLofAmericans，WASN\'Tit?Italwaysis——alwaysis。That\'swhattheysay。
Everybodysaysthat。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?\"
\"VILLEDEPARIS。\"
\"French，Ireckon。Whatkindofapassagedid……excusemeaminute，there\'ssomeAmericansIhaven\'tseenbefore。\"
Andawayhewent。Hewentuninjured，too——Ihadthemurderousimpulsetoharpoonhiminthebackwithmyalpenstock，butasIraisedtheweaponthedispositionleftme；
IfoundIhadn\'tthehearttokillhim，hewassuchajoyous，innocent，good-naturednumbskull。
HalfanhourlaterIwassittingonabenchinspecting，withstronginterest，anoblemonolithwhichwewereskimmingby——amonolithnotshapedbyman，butbyNature\'sfreegreathand——amassypyramidalrockeightyfeethigh，devisedbyNaturetenmillionyearsagoagainstthedaywhenamanworthyofitshouldneeditforhismonument。
Thetimecameatlast，andnowthisgrandremembrancerbearsSchiller\'snameinhugelettersuponitsface。
Curiouslyenough，thisrockwasnotdegradedordefiledinanyway。Itissaidthattwoyearsagoastrangerlethimselfdownfromthetopofitwithropesandpulleys，andpaintedalloverit，inbluelettersbiggerthanthoseinSchiller\'sname，thesewords:
\"TrySozodont；\"\"BuySunStovePolish；\"\"Helmbold\'sBuchu；\"
\"TryBenzalinefortheBlood。\"
HewascapturedanditturnedoutthathewasanAmerican。
Uponhistrialthejudgesaidtohim:
\"YouarefromalandwhereanyinsolentthatwantstoisprivilegedtoprofaneandinsultNature，and，throughher，Nature\'sGod，ifbysodoinghecanputasordidpennyinhispocket。Butherethecaseisdifferent。Becauseyouareaforeignerandignorant，Iwillmakeyoursentencelight；
ifyouwereanativeIwoulddealstrenuouslywithyou。
Hearandobey:——YouwillimmediatelyremoveeverytraceofyouroffensiveworkfromtheSchillermonument；youpayafineoftenthousandfrancs；youwillsuffertwoyears\'
imprisonmentathardlabor；youwillthenbehorsewhipped，tarredandfeathered，deprivedofyourears，riddenonarailtotheconfinesofthecanton，andbanishedforever。
Theseverestpenaltiesareomittedinyourcase——notasagracetoyou，buttothatgreatrepublicwhichhadthemisfortunetogiveyoubirth。\"
Thesteamer\'sbencheswererangedbacktobackacrossthedeck。Mybackhairwasminglinginnocentlywiththebackhairofacoupleofladies。PresentlytheywereaddressedbysomeoneandIoverheardthisconversation:
\"YouareAmericans，Ithink?So\'mI。\"
\"Yes——weareAmericans。\"
\"Iknewit——Icanalwaystellthem。Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?\"
\"CITYOFCHESTER。\"
\"Oh，yes——Inmanline。WecameintheBATAVIA——Cunardyouknow。Whatkindofapassagedidyouhave?\"
\"Prettyfair。\"
\"Thatwasluck。Wehaditawfulrough。Captainsaidhe\'dhardlyseenitrougher。Whereareyoufrom?\"
\"NewJersey。\"
\"So\'mI。No——Ididn\'tmeanthat；I\'mfromNewEngland。
NewBloomfield\'smyplace。Theseyourchildren?——belongtobothofyou?\"
\"Onlytooneofus；theyaremine；myfriendisnotmarried。\"
\"Single，Ireckon?So\'mI。Areyoutwoladiestravelingalone?\"
\"No——myhusbandiswithus。\"
\"Ourwholefamily\'salong。It\'sawfulslow，goingaroundalone——don\'tyouthinkso?\"
\"Isupposeitmustbe。\"
\"Hi，there\'sMountPilatuscominginsightagain。
NamedafterPontiusPilate，youknow，thatshottheappleoffofWilliamTell\'shead。Guide-booktellsallaboutit，theysay。Ididn\'treadit——anAmericantoldme。Idon\'treadwhenI\'mknockingaroundlikethis，havingagoodtime。
DidyoueverseethechapelwhereWilliamTellusedtopreach?\"
\"Ididnotknowheeverpreachedthere。\"
\"Oh，yes，hedid。ThatAmericantoldmeso。Hedon\'tevershutuphisguide-book。Heknowsmoreaboutthislakethanthefishesinit。Besides，theyCALLit\'Tell\'sChapel\'——youknowthatyourself。Youeverbeenoverherebefore?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Ihaven\'t。It\'smyfirsttrip。Butwe\'vebeenallaround——Parisandeverywhere。I\'mtoenterHarvardnextyear。
StudyingGermanallthetimenow。Can\'tentertillI
knowGerman。Thisbook\'sOtto\'sgrammar。It\'samightygoodbooktogettheICHHABEGEHABTHABEN\'soutof。
ButIdon\'treallystudywhenI\'mknockingaroundthisway。
Ifthenotiontakesme，IjustrunovermylittleoldICHHAVEGEHABT，DUHASTGEHABT，ERHATGEHABT，WIRHABENGEHABT，IHRHABENGEHABT，SIEHABENGEHABT——
kindof\'Now-I-lay-me-down-to-sleep\'fashion，youknow，andafterthat，maybeIdon\'tbuckletoitforthreedays。
It\'sawfulunderminingtotheintellect，Germanis；
youwanttotakeitinsmalldoses，orfirstyouknowyourbrainsallruntogether，andyoufeelthemsloshingaroundinyourheadsameassomuchdrawnbutter。
ButFrenchisdifferent；FRENCHain\'tanything。Iain\'tanymoreafraidofFrenchthanatramp\'safraidofpie；IcanrattleoffmylittleJ\'AI，TUAS，ILA，andtherestofit，justaseasyasa-b-c。IgetalongprettywellinParis，oranywherewheretheyspeakFrench。Whathotelareyoustoppingat?\"
\"TheSchweitzerhof。\"
\"No!isthatso?Ineverseeyouinthebigreception-room。
Igointhereagooddealofthetime，becausethere\'ssomanyAmericansthere。Imakelotsofacquaintances。
YoubeenuptheRigiyet?\"
\"No。\"
\"Going?\"
\"Wethinkofit。\"
\"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?\"
\"Idon\'tknow。\"
\"Well，thenyoustopattheSchreiber——it\'sfullofAmericans。
Whatshipdidyoucomeoverin?\"
\"CITYOFCHESTER。\"
\"Oh，yes，IrememberIaskedyouthatbefore。ButI
alwaysaskeverybodywhatshiptheycameoverin，andsosometimesIforgetandaskagain。YougoingtoGeneva?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Whathotelyougoingtostopat?\"
\"Weexpecttostopinapension。\"
\"Idon\'thardlybelieveyou\'lllikethat；there\'sveryfewAmericansinthepensions。Whathotelareyoustoppingathere?\"
\"TheSchweitzerhof。\"
\"Oh，yes。Iaskedyouthatbefore，too。ButIalwaysaskeverybodywhathotelthey\'restoppingat，andsoI\'vegotmyheadallmixedupwithhotels。Butitmakestalk，andIlovetotalk。Itrefreshesmeupso——don\'tityou——onatriplikethis?\"
\"Yes——sometimes。\"
\"Well，itdoesme，too。AslongasI\'mtalkingIneverfeelbored——ain\'tthatthewaywithyou?\"
\"Yes——generally。Butthereareexceptiontotherule。\"
\"Oh，ofcourse。_I_don\'tcaretotalktoeverybody，MYSELF。
Ifapersonstartsintojabber-jabber-jabberaboutscenery，andhistory，andpictures，andallsortsoftiresomethings，Igetthefan-todsmightysoon。Isay\'Well，Imustbegoingnow——hopeI\'llseeyouagain\'——andthenItakeawalk。Whereyoufrom?\"
\"NewJersey。\"
\"Why，botheritall，IaskedyouTHATbefore，too。
HaveyouseentheLionofLucerne?\"
\"Notyet。\"
\"NorI，either。ButthemanwhotoldmeaboutMountPilatussaysit\'soneofthethingstosee。
It\'stwenty-eightfeetlong。Itdon\'tseemreasonable，buthesaidso，anyway。Hesawityesterday；saiditwasdying，then，soIreckonit\'sdeadbythistime。
Butthatain\'tanymatter，ofcoursethey\'llstuffit。
Didyousaythechildrenareyours——orHERS?\"
\"Mine。\"
\"Oh，soyoudid。Areyougoingupthe……no，Iaskedyouthat。Whatship……no，Iaskedyouthat，too。
Whathotelareyou……no，youtoldmethat。
Letmesee……um……Oh，whatkindofvoy……no，we\'vebeenoverthatground，too。Um……um……well，Ibelievethatisall。BONJOUR——Iamverygladtohavemadeyouracquaintance，ladies。GUTENTAG。\"
CHAPTERXXVIII
[TheJodelandItsNativeWilds]
TheRigi-KulmisanimposingAlpinemass，sixthousandfeethigh，whichstandsbyitself，andcommandsamightyprospectofbluelakes，greenvalleys，andsnowymountains——
acompactandmagnificentpicturethreehundredmilesincircumference。Theascentismadebyrail，orhorseback，oronfoot，asonemayprefer。Iandmyagentpanopliedourselvesinwalking-costume，onebrightmorning，andstarteddownthelakeonthesteamboat；wegotashoreatthevillageofWa\"ggis；three-quartersofanhourdistantfromLucerne。Thisvillageisatthefootofthemountain。
Weweresoontrampingleisurelyuptheleafymule-path，andthenthetalkbegantoflow，asusual。Itwastwelveo\'clocknoon，andabreezy，cloudlessday；
theascentwasgradual，andtheglimpses，fromunderthecurtainingboughs，ofbluewater，andtinysailboats，andbeetlingcliffs，wereascharmingasglimpsesofdreamland。
Allthecircumstanceswereperfect——andtheanticipations，too，forweshouldsoonbeenjoying，forthefirsttime，thatwonderfulspectacle，anAlpinesunrise——theobjectofourjourney。Therewasapparentlynorealneedforhurry，fortheguide-bookmadethewalking-distancefromWa\"ggistothesummitonlythreehoursandaquarter。
Isay\"apparently，\"becausetheguide-bookhadalreadyfooledusonce——aboutthedistancefromAllerheiligentoOppenau——andforaughtIknewitmightbegettingreadytofoolusagain。Wewereonlycertainastothealtitudes——
wecalculatedtofindoutforourselveshowmanyhoursitisfromthebottomtothetop。Thesummitissixthousandfeetabovethesea，butonlyforty-fivehundredfeetabovethelake。Whenwehadwalkedhalfanhour，wewerefairlyintotheswingandhumoroftheundertaking，soweclearedforaction；thatistosay，wegotaboywhomwemettocarryouralpenstocksandsatchelsandovercoatsandthingsforus；thatleftusfreeforbusiness。
Isupposewemusthavestoppedoftenertostretchoutonthegrassintheshadeandtakeabitofasmokethanthisboywasusedto，forpresentlyheaskedifithadbeenourideatohirehimbythejob，orbytheyear?
Wetoldhimhecouldmovealongifhewasinahurry。
Hesaidhewasn\'tinsuchaveryparticularhurry，buthewantedtogettothetopwhilehewasyoung。
Wetoldhimtoclearout，then，andleavethethingsattheuppermosthotelandsayweshouldbealongpresently。
Hesaidhewouldsecureusahotelifhecould，butiftheywereallfullhewouldaskthemtobuildanotheroneandhurryupandgetthepaintandplasterdryagainstwearrived。Stillgentlychaffingus，hepushedahead，upthetrail，andsoondisappeared。Bysixo\'clockwewereprettyhighupintheair，andtheviewoflakeandmountainshadgreatlygrowninbreadthandinterest。
Wehaltedawhileatalittlepublichouse，wherewehadbreadandcheeseandaquartortwooffreshmilk，outontheporch，withthebigpanoramaallbeforeus——andthenmovedonagain。
Tenminutesafterwardwemetahot，red-facedmanplungingdownthemountain，makingmightystrides，swinginghisalpenstockaheadofhim，andtakingagriponthegroundwithitsironpointtosupportthesebigstrides。
Hestopped，fannedhimselfwithhishat，swabbedtheperspirationfromhisfaceandneckwitharedhandkerchief，pantedamomentortwo，andaskedhowfartoWa\"ggis。
Isaidthreehours。Helookedsurprised，andsaid:
\"Why，itseemsasifIcouldtossabiscuitintothelakefromhere，it\'ssocloseby。Isthataninn，there?\"
Isaiditwas。
\"Well，\"saidhe，\"Ican\'tstandanotherthreehours，I\'vehadenoughtoday；I\'lltakeabedthere。\"
Iasked:
\"Arewenearlytothetop?\"
\"NearlytotheTOP?\"Why，blessyoursoul，youhaven\'treallystarted，yet。\"
Isaidwewouldputupattheinn，too。Soweturnedbackandorderedahotsupper，andhadquiteajollyeveningofitwiththisEnglishman。
TheGermanlandladygaveusneatroomsandnicebeds，andwhenIandmyagentturnedin，itwaswiththeresolutiontobeupearlyandmaketheutmostofourfirstAlpinesunrise。
Butofcourseweweredeadtired，andsleptlikepolicemen；
sowhenweawokeinthemorningandrantothewindowitwasalreadytoolate，becauseitwashalfpasteleven。
Itwasasharpdisappointment。However，weorderedbreakfastandtoldthelandladytocalltheEnglishman，butshesaidhewasalreadyupandoffatdaybreak——andswearinglikemadaboutsomethingorother。Wecouldnotfindoutwhatthematterwas。Hehadaskedthelandladythealtitudeofherplaceabovethelevelofthelake，andshetoldhimfourteenhundredandninety-fivefeet。
Thatwasallthatwassaid；thenhelosthistemper。
Hesaidthatbetween——foolsandguide-books，amancouldacquireignoranceenoughintwenty-fourhoursinacountrylikethistolasthimayear。Harrisbelievedourboyhadbeenloadinghimupwithmisinformation；
andthiswasprobablythecase，forhisepithetdescribedthatboytoadot。
Wegotunderwayabouttheturnofnoon，andpulledoutforthesummitagain，withafreshandvigorousstep。