\"Wepay20.Whatdoyoupayforbeer?\"
\"Itcostethus81/2milraysthepint.\"
\"Wegetitfor4;25bottlesforacent.Whatdoyoupayforwheat?\"
\"Attherateof900milraysthebushel.\"
\"Wepay400.Whatdoyoupayforaman\'stowlinensuit?\"
\"Thirteencents.\"
\"Wepay6.Whatdoyoupayforastuffgownforthewifeofthelaborerorthemechanic?\"
\"Wepay8.4.0.\"
\"Well,observethedifference:youpayeightcentsandfourmills,wepayonlyfourcents.\"Ipreparednowtosockittohim.lsaid:\"Lookhere,dearfriend,WHAT\'SBECOMEOFYOURHIGHWAGESYOUWEREBRAGGINGSOABOUT
AFEWMINUTESAGO?\"——andIlookedaroundonthecompanywithplacidsatisfaction,forIhadslippeduponhimgraduallyandtiedhimhandandfoot,yousee,withouthisevernoticingthathewasbeingtiedatall.\"What\'sbecomeofthosenoblehighwagesofyours?——Iseemtohaveknockedthestuffingalloutofthem,itappearstome.\"
Butifyouwillbelieveme,hemerelylookedsurprised,thatisall!
hedidn\'tgraspthesituationatall,didn\'tknowhehadwalkedintoatrap,didn\'tdiscoverthathewasINatrap.Icouldhaveshothim,fromsheervexation.Withcloudyeyeandastrugglingintellecthefetchedthisout:
\"Marry,Iseemnottounderstand.ItisPROVEDthatourwagesbedoublethine;howthenmayitbethatthou\'stknockedtherefromthestuffing?——
anmiscallnotthewonderlyword,thisbeingthefirsttimeundergraceandprovidenceofGodithathbeengrantedmetohearit.\"
Well,Iwasstunned;partlywiththisunlooked-forstupidityonhispart,andpartlybecausehisfellowssomanifestlysidedwithhimandwereofhismind——ifyoumightcallitmind.Mypositionwassimpleenough,plainenough;howcoulditeverbesimplifiedmore?However,Imusttry:
\"Why,lookhere,brotherDowley,don\'tyousee?YourwagesaremerelyhigherthanoursinNAME,notinFACT.\"
\"Hearhim!TheyaretheDOUBLE——yehaveconfessedityourself.\"
\"Yes-yes,Idon\'tdenythatatall.Butthat\'sgotnothingtodowithit;theAMOUNTofthewagesinmerecoins,withmeaninglessnamesattachedtothemtoknowthemby,hasgotnothingtodowithit.Thethingis,howmuchcanyouBUYwithyourwages?——that\'stheidea.Whileitistruethatwithyouagoodmechanicisallowedaboutthreedollarsandahalfayear,andwithusonlyaboutadollarandseventy-five——\"
\"There——ye\'reconfessingitagain,ye\'reconfessingitagain!\"
\"Confoundit,I\'veneverdeniedit,Itellyou!WhatIsayisthis.
WithusHALFadollarbuysmorethanaDOLLARbuyswithyou——andTHEREFORE
itstandstoreasonandthecommonestkindofcommon-sense,thatourwagesareHIGHERthanyours.\"
Helookeddazed,andsaid,despairingly:
\"Verily,Icannotmakeitout.Ye\'vejustsaidoursarethehigher,andwiththesamebreathyetakeitback.\"
\"Oh,greatScott,isn\'titpossibletogetsuchasimplethingthroughyourhead?Nowlookhere——letmeillustrate.Wepayfourcentsforawoman\'sstuffgown,youpay8.4.0,whichisfourmillsmorethanDOUBLE.
Whatdoyouallowalaboringwomanwhoworksonafarm?\"
\"Twomillsaday.\"
\"Verygood;weallowbuthalfasmuch;wepayheronlyatenthofacentaday;and——\"
\"Againye\'reconf——\"
\"Wait!Now,yousee,thethingisverysimple;thistimeyou\'llunderstandit.Forinstance,ittakesyourwoman42daystoearnhergown,at2millsaday——7weeks\'work;butoursearnshersinfortydays——twodaysSHORT
of7weeks.Yourwomanhasagown,andherwholesevenweekswagesaregone;ourshasagown,andtwodays\'wagesleft,tobuysomethingelsewith.There——NOWyouunderstandit!\"
Helooked——well,hemerelylookeddubious,it\'sthemostIcansay;
sodidtheothers.Iwaited——toletthethingwork.Dowleyspokeatlast——andbetrayedthefactthatheactuallyhadn\'tgottenawayfromhisrootedandgroundedsuperstitionsyet.Hesaid,withatrifleofhesitancy:
\"But——but——yecannotfailtograntthattwomillsadayisbetterthanone.\"
Shucks!Well,ofcourse,Ihatedtogiveitup.SoIchancedanotherflyer:
\"Letussupposeacase.Supposeoneofyourjourneymengoesoutandbuysthefollowingarticles:
\"1poundofsalt;1dozeneggs;1dozenpintsofbeer;1bushelofwheat;
1tow-linensuit;5poundsofbeef;5poundsofmutton.
\"Thelotwillcosthim32cents.Ittakeshim32workingdaystoearnthemoney——5weeksand2days.Lethimcometousandwork32daysatHALFthewages;hecanbuyallthosethingsforashadeunder141/2cents;
theywillcosthimashadeunder29days\'work,andhewillhaveabouthalfaweek\'swagesover.Carryitthroughtheyear;hewouldsavenearlyaweek\'swageseverytwomonths,YOURmannothing;thussavingfiveorsixweeks\'wagesinayear,yourmannotacent.NOWIreckonyouunderstandthat\'highwages\'and\'lowwages\'arephrasesthatdon\'tmeananythingintheworlduntilyoufindoutwhichofthemwillBUYthemost!\"
Itwasacrusher.
But,alas!itdidn\'tcrush.No,Ihadtogiveitup.WhatthosepeoplevaluedwasHIGHWAGES;itdidn\'tseemtobeamatterofanyconsequencetothemwhetherthehighwageswouldbuyanythingornot.Theystoodfor\"protection,\"andsworebyit,whichwasreasonableenough,becauseinterestedpartieshadgulledthemintothenotionthatitwasprotectionwhichhadcreatedtheirhighwages.Iprovedtothemthatinaquarterofacenturytheirwageshadadvancedbut30percent.,whilethecostoflivinghadgoneup100;andthatwithus,inashortertime,wageshadadvanced40
percent.whilethecostoflivinghadgonesteadilydown.Butitdidn\'tdoanygood.Nothingcouldunseattheirstrangebeliefs.
Well,Iwassmartingunderasenseofdefeat.Undeserveddefeat,butwhatofthat?Thatdidn\'tsoftenthesmartany.Andtothinkofthecircumstances!
thefirststatesmanoftheage,thecapablestman,thebest-informedmanintheentireworld,theloftiestuncrownedheadthathadmovedthroughthecloudsofanypoliticalfirmamentforcenturies,sittinghereapparentlydefeatedinargumentbyanignorantcountryblacksmith!AndIcouldseethatthoseothersweresorryforme——whichmademeblushtillIcouldsmellmywhiskersscorching.Putyourselfinmyplace;feelasmeanasIdid,asashamedasIfelt——wouldn\'tYOUhavestruckbelowthebelttogeteven?Yes,youwould;itissimplyhumannature.Well,thatiswhatIdid.Iamnottryingtojustifyit;I\'monlysayingthatIwasmad,andANYBODYwouldhavedoneit.
Well,whenImakeupmymindtohitaman,Idon\'tplanoutalove-tap;
no,thatisn\'tmyway;aslongasI\'mgoingtohithimatall,I\'mgoingtohithimalifter.AndIdon\'tjumpathimallofasudden,andriskmakingablunderinghalf-waybusinessofit;no,Igetawayoffyondertooneside,andworkuponhimgradually,sothatheneversuspectsthatI\'mgoingtohithimatall;andbyandby,allinaflash,he\'sflatonhisback,andhecan\'ttellforthelifeofhimhowitallhappened.ThatisthewayIwentforbrotherDowley.Istartedtotalkinglazyandcomfortable,asifIwasjusttalkingtopassthetime;andtheoldestmanintheworldcouldn\'thavetakenthebearingsofmystartingplaceandguessedwhereIwasgoingtofetchup:
\"Boys,there\'sagoodmanycuriousthingsaboutlaw,andcustom,andusage,andallthatsortofthing,whenyoucometolookatit;yes,andaboutthedriftandprogressofhumanopinionandmovement,too.Therearewrittenlaws——theyperish;buttherearealsounwrittenlaws——THEY
areeternal.Taketheunwrittenlawofwages:itsaysthey\'vegottoadvance,littlebylittle,straightthroughthecenturies.Andnoticehowitworks.
Weknowwhatwagesarenow,hereandthereandyonder;westrikeanaverage,andsaythat\'sthewagesofto-day.Weknowwhatthewageswereahundredyearsago,andwhattheyweretwohundredyearsago;that\'sasfarbackaswecanget,butitsufficestogiveusthelawofprogress,themeasureandrateoftheperiodicalaugmentation;andso,withoutadocumenttohelpus,wecancomeprettyclosetodeterminingwhatthewageswerethreeandfourandfivehundredyearsago.Good,sofar.Dowestopthere?No.
Westoplookingbackward;wefacearoundandapplythelawtothefuture.
Myfriends,Icantellyouwhatpeople\'swagesaregoingtobeatanydateinthefutureyouwanttoknow,forhundredsandhundredsofyears.\"
\"What,goodman,what!\"
\"Yes.Insevenhundredyearswageswillhaverisentosixtimeswhattheyarenow,hereinyourregion,andfarmhandswillbeallowed3centsaday,andmechanics6.\"
\"Iwould\'tImightdienowandlivethen!\"interruptedSmug,thewheelwright,withafineavariciousglowinhiseye.
\"Andthatisn\'tall;they\'llgettheirboardbesides——suchasitis:
itwon\'tbloatthem.Twohundredandfiftyyearslater——payattentionnow——amechanic\'swageswillbe——mindyou,thisislaw,notguesswork;
amechanic\'swageswillthenbeTWENTYcentsaday!\"
Therewasageneralgaspofawedastonishment,Dickonthemasonmurmured,withraisedeyesandhands:
\"Morethanthreeweeks\'payforoneday\'swork!\"
\"Riches!——ofatruth,yes,riches!\"mutteredMarco,hisbreathcomingquickandshort,withexcitement.
\"Wageswillkeeponrising,littlebylittle,littlebylittle,assteadilyasatreegrows,andattheendofthreehundredandfortyyearsmorethere\'llbeatleastONEcountrywherethemechanic\'saveragewagewillbeTWOHUNDRED
centsaday!\"
Itknockedthemabsolutelydumb!Notamanofthemcouldgethisbreathforupwardsoftwominutes.Thenthecoal-burnersaidprayerfully:
\"MightIbutlivetoseeit!\"
\"Itistheincomeofanearl!\"saidSmug.
\"Anearl,sayye?\"saidDowley;\"yecouldsaymorethanthatandspeaknolie;there\'snoearlintherealmofBagdemagusthathathanincomeliketothat.Incomeofanearl——mf!it\'stheincomeofanangel!\"
\"Now,then,thatiswhatisgoingtohappenasregardswages.Inthatremoteday,thatmanwillearn,withONEweek\'swork,thatbillofgoodswhichittakesyouupwardsofFIFTYweekstoearnnow.Someotherprettysurprisingthingsaregoingtohappen,too.BrotherDowley,whoisitthatdetermines,everyspring,whattheparticularwageofeachkindofmechanic,laborer,andservantshallbeforthatyear?\"
\"Sometimesthecourts,sometimesthetowncouncil;butmostofall,themagistrate.Yemaysay,ingeneralterms,itisthemagistratethatfixesthewages.\"
\"Doesn\'taskanyofthosepoordevilstoHELPhimfixtheirwagesforthem,doeshe?\"
\"Hm!ThatWEREanidea!Themasterthat\'stopayhimthemoneyistheonethat\'srightlyconcernedinthatmatter,yewillnotice\"
\"Yes——butIthoughttheothermanmighthavesomelittletrifleatstakeinit,too;andevenhiswifeandchildren,poorcreatures.Themastersarethese:nobles,richmen,theprosperousgenerally.Thesefew,whodonowork,determinewhatpaythevasthiveshallhavewhoDOwork.Yousee?
They\'rea\'combine\'——atradeunion,tocoinanewphrase——whobandthemselvestogethertoforcetheirlowlybrothertotakewhattheychoosetogive.Thirteenhundredyearshence——sosaystheunwrittenlaw——the\'combine\'willbetheotherway,andthenhowthesefinepeople\'sposteritywillfumeandfretandgrittheirteethovertheinsolenttyrannyoftradeunions!Yes,indeed!themagistratewilltranquillyarrangethewagesfromnowclearawaydownintothenineteenthcentury;andthenallofasuddenthewage-earnerwillconsiderthatacoupleofthousandyearsorsoisenoughofthisone-sidedsortofthing;andhewillriseupandtakeahandinfixinghiswageshimself.Ah,hewillhavealongandbitteraccountofwrongandhumiliationtosettle.\"
\"Doyebelieve——\"
\"Thatheactuallywillhelptofixhisownwages?Yes,indeed.Andhewillbestrongandable,then.\"
\"Bravetimes,bravetimes,ofatruth!\"sneeredtheprosperoussmith.
\"Oh,——andthere\'sanotherdetail.Inthatday,amastermayhireamanforonlyjustoneday,oroneweek,oronemonthatatime,ifhewantsto.\"
\"What?\"
\"It\'strue.Moreover,amagistratewon\'tbeabletoforceamantoworkforamasterawholeyearonastretchwhetherthemanwantstoornot.\"
\"WilltherebeNOlaworsenseinthatday?\"
\"Bothofthem,Dowley.Inthatdayamanwillbehisownproperty,notthepropertyofmagistrateandmaster.Andhecanleavetownwheneverhewantsto,ifthewagesdon\'tsuithim!——andtheycan\'tputhiminthepilloryforit.\"
\"Perditioncatchsuchanage!\"shoutedDowley,instrongindignation.
\"Anageofdogs,anagebarrenofreverenceforsuperiorsandrespectforauthority!Thepillory——\"
\"Oh,wait,brother;saynogoodwordforthatinstitution.Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished.\"
\"Amoststrangeidea.Why?\"
\"Well,I\'lltellyouwhy.Isamaneverputinthepilloryforacapitalcrime?\"
\"No.\"
\"Isitrighttocondemnamantoaslightpunishmentforasmalloffenseandthenkillhim?\"
Therewasnoanswer.Ihadscoredmyfirstpoint!Forthefirsttime,thesmithwasn\'tupandready.Thecompanynoticedit.Goodeffect.
\"Youdon\'tanswer,brother.Youwereabouttoglorifythepilloryawhileago,andshedsomepityonafutureagethatisn\'tgoingtouseit.
Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished.Whatusuallyhappenswhenapoorfellowisputinthepilloryforsomelittleoffensethatdidn\'tamounttoanythingintheworld?Themobtrytohavesomefunwithhim,don\'tthey?\"
\"Yes.\"
\"Theybeginbycloddinghim;andtheylaughthemselvestopiecestoseehimtrytododgeoneclodandgethitwithanother?\"
\"Yes.\"
\"Thentheythrowdeadcatsathim,don\'tthey?\"
\"Yes.\"
\"Well,then,supposehehasafewpersonalenemiesinthatmobandhereandthereamanorawomanwithasecretgrudgeagainsthim——andsupposeespeciallythatheisunpopularinthecommunity,forhispride,orhisprosperity,oronethingoranother——stonesandbrickstaketheplaceofclodsandcatspresently,don\'tthey?\"
\"Thereisnodoubtofit.\"
\"Asaruleheiscrippledforlife,isn\'the?——jawsbroken,teethsmashedout?——orlegsmutilated,gangrened,presentlycutoff?——oraneyeknockedout,maybebotheyes?\"
\"Itistrue,Godknowethit.\"
\"AndifheisunpopularhecandependonDYING,rightthereinthestocks,can\'the?\"
\"Hesurelycan!Onemaynotdenyit.\"
\"ItakeitnoneofYOUareunpopular——byreasonofprideorinsolence,orconspicuousprosperity,oranyofthosethingsthatexciteenvyandmaliceamongthebasescumofavillage?YOUwouldn\'tthinkitmuchofarisktotakeachanceinthestocks?\"
Dowleywinced,visibly.Ijudgedhewashit.Buthedidn\'tbetrayitbyanyspokenword.Asfortheothers,theyspokeoutplainly,andwithstrongfeeling.Theysaidtheyhadseenenoughofthestockstoknowwhataman\'schanceinthemwas,andtheywouldneverconsenttoenterthemiftheycouldcompromiseonaquickdeathbyhanging.
\"Well,tochangethesubject——forIthinkI\'veestablishedmypointthatthestocksoughttobeabolished.Ithinksomeofourlawsareprettyunfair.Forinstance,ifIdoathingwhichoughttodelivermetothestocks,andyouknowIdiditandyetkeepstillanddon\'treportme,YOU
willgetthestocksifanybodyinformsonyou.\"
\"Ah,butthatwouldserveyoubutright,\"saidDowley,\"foryouMUST
inform.Sosaiththelaw.\"
Theotherscoincided.
\"Well,allright,letitgo,sinceyouvotemedown.Butthere\'sonethingwhichcertainlyisn\'tfair.Themagistratefixesamechanic\'swageat1centaday,forinstance.Thelawsaysthatifanymastershallventure,evenunderutmostpressofbusiness,topayanythingOVERthatcentaday,evenforasingleday,heshallbebothfinedandpilloriedforit;andwhoeverknowshediditanddoesn\'tinform,theyalsoshallbefinedandpilloried.Nowitseemstomeunfair,Dowley,andadeadlyperiltoallofus,thatbecauseyouthoughtlesslyconfessed,awhileago,thatwithinaweekyouhavepaidacentandfifteenmil——\"
Oh,ItellYOUitwasasmasher!Yououghttohaveseenthemtogotopieces,thewholegang.IhadjustslippeduponpoorsmilingandcomplacentDowleysoniceandeasyandsoftly,thatheneversuspectedanythingwasgoingtohappentilltheblowcamecrashingdownandknockedhimalltorags.
Afineeffect.Infact,asfineasanyIeverproduced,withsolittletimetoworkitupin.
ButIsawinamomentthatIhadoverdonethethingalittle.Iwasexpectingtoscarethem,butIwasn\'texpectingtoscarethemtodeath.
Theyweremightynearit,though.Youseetheyhadbeenawholelifetimelearningtoappreciatethepillory;andtohavethatthingstaringthemintheface,andeveryoneofthemdistinctlyatthemercyofme,astranger,ifIchosetogoandreport——well,itwasawful,andtheycouldn\'tseemtorecoverfromtheshock,theycouldn\'tseemtopullthemselvestogether.
Pale,shaky,dumb,pitiful?Why,theyweren\'tanybetterthansomanydeadmen.Itwasveryuncomfortable.Ofcourse,Ithoughttheywouldappealtometokeepmum,andthenwewouldshakehands,andtakeadrinkallround,andlaughitoff,andthereanend.Butno;youseeIwasanunknownperson,amongacruellyoppressedandsuspiciouspeople,apeoplealwaysaccustomedtohavingadvantagetakenoftheirhelplessness,andneverexpectingjustorkindtreatmentfromanybuttheirownfamiliesandveryclosestintimates.AppealtoMEtobegentle,tobefair,tobegenerous?Ofcourse,theywantedto,buttheycouldn\'tdare.
AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur\'sCourt-Chapter34Chapter34-TheYankeeandtheKingSoldasSlavesWELL,whathadIbetterdo?Nothinginahurry,sure.Imustgetupadiversion;
anythingtoemploymewhileIcouldthink,andwhilethesepoorfellowscouldhaveachancetocometolifeagain.TheresatMarco,petrifiedintheactoftryingtogetthehangofhismiller-gun——turnedtostone,justintheattitudehewasinwhenmypile-driverfell,thetoystillgrippedinhisunconsciousfingers.SoItookitfromhimandproposedtoexplainitsmystery.Mystery!asimplelittlethinglikethat;andyetitwasmysteriousenough,forthatraceandthatage.
Ineversawsuchanawkwardpeople,withmachinery;yousee,theyweretotallyunusedtoit.Themiller-gunwasalittledouble-barreledtubeoftoughenedglass,withaneatlittletrickofaspringtoit,whichuponpressurewouldletashotescape.Buttheshotwouldn\'thurtanybody,itwouldonlydropintoyourhand.Inthegunweretwosizes——weemustardseedshot,andanothersortthatwereseveraltimeslarger.Theyweremoney.
Themustard-seedshotrepresentedmilrays,thelargeronesmills.Sothegunwasapurse;andveryhandy,too;youcouldpayoutmoneyinthedarkwithit,withaccuracy;andyoucouldcarryitinyourmouth;orinyourvestpocket,ifyouhadone.Imadethemofseveralsizes——onesizesolargethatitwouldcarrytheequivalentofadollar.Usingshotformoneywasagoodthingforthegovernment;themetalcostnothing,andthemoneycouldn\'tbecounterfeited,forIwastheonlypersoninthekingdomwhoknewhowtomanageashottower.\"Payingtheshot\"sooncametobeacommonphrase.Yes,andIknewitwouldstillbepassingmen\'slips,awaydowninthenineteenthcentury,yetnonewouldsuspecthowandwhenitoriginated.
Thekingjoinedus,aboutthistime,mightilyrefreshedbyhisnap,andfeelinggood.Anythingcouldmakemenervousnow,Iwassouneasy——
forourliveswereindanger;andsoitworriedmetodetectacomplacentsomethingintheking\'seyewhichseemedtoindicatethathehadbeenloadinghimselfupforaperformanceofsomekindorother;confoundit,whymusthegoandchoosesuchatimeasthis?
Iwasright.Hebegan,straightoff,inthemostinnocentlyartful,andtransparent,andlubberlyway,toleaduptothesubjectofagriculture.
Thecoldsweatbrokeoutalloverme.Iwantedtowhisperinhisear,\"Man,weareinawfuldanger!everymomentisworthaprincipalitytillwegetbackthesemen\'sconfidence;DON\'Twasteanyofthisgoldentime.\"ButofcourseIcouldn\'tdoit.Whispertohim?Itwouldlookasifwewereconspiring.SoIhadtositthereandlookcalmandpleasantwhilethekingstoodoverthatdynamitemineandmoonedalongabouthisdamnedonionsandthings.Atfirstthetumultofmyownthoughts,summonedbythedanger-signalandswarmingtotherescuefromeveryquarterofmyskull,keptupsuchahurrahandconfusionandfifinganddrummingthatIcouldn\'ttakeinaword;butpresentlywhenmymobofgatheringplansbegantocrystallizeandfallintopositionandformlineofbattle,asortoforderandquietensuedandIcaughttheboomoftheking\'sbatteries,asifoutofremotedistance:
\"——werenotthebestway,methinks,albeititisnottobedeniedthatauthoritiesdifferasconcerningthispoint,somecontendingthattheonionisbutanunwholesomeberrywhenstrickenearlyfromthetree——\"
Theaudienceshowedsignsoflife,andsoughteachother\'seyesinasurprisedandtroubledway.
\"——whileasothersdoyetmaintain,withmuchshowofreason,thatthisisnotofnecessitythecase,instancingthatplumsandotherlikecerealsdobealwaysdugintheunripestate——\"
Theaudienceexhibiteddistinctdistress;yes,andalsofear.
\"——yetaretheyclearlywholesome,themoreespeciallywhenonedothassuagetheasperitiesoftheirnaturebyadmixtureofthetranquilizingjuiceofthewaywardcabbage——\"
Thewildlightofterrorbegantoglowinthesemen\'seyes,andoneofthemmuttered,\"Thesebeerrors,everyone——Godhathsurelysmittenthemindofthisfarmer.\"Iwasinmiserableapprehension;Isatuponthorns.
\"——andfurtherinstancingtheknowntruththatinthecaseofanimals,theyoung,whichmaybecalledthegreenfruitofthecreature,isthebetter,allconfessingthatwhenagoatisripe,hisfurdothheatandsoreengamehisflesh,thewhichdefect,takeninconnectionwithhisseveralrancidhabits,andfulsomeappetites,andgodlessattitudesofmind,andbiliousqualityofmorals——\"
Theyroseandwentforhim!Withafierceshout,\"Theonewouldbetrayus,theotherismad!Killthem!Killthem!\"theyflungthemselvesuponus.Whatjoyflamedupintheking\'seye!Hemightbelameinagriculture,butthiskindofthingwasjustinhisline.Hehadbeenfastinglong,hewashungryforafight.Hehittheblacksmithacrackunderthejawthatliftedhimclearoffhisfeetandstretchedhimflatonhisback.
\"St.GeorgeforBritain!\"andhedownedthewheelwright.Themasonwasbig,butIlaidhimoutlikenothing.Thethreegatheredthemselvesupandcameagain;wentdownagain;cameagain;andkeptonrepeatingthis,withnativeBritishpluck,untiltheywerebatteredtojelly,reelingwithexhaustion,andsoblindthattheycouldn\'ttellusfromeachother;andyettheykeptrighton,hammeringawaywithwhatmightwasleftinthem.
Hammeringeachother——forwesteppedasideandlookedonwhiletheyrolled,andstruggled,andgouged,andpounded,andbit,withthestrictandwordlessattentiontobusinessofsomanybulldogs.Welookedonwithoutapprehension,fortheywerefastgettingpastabilitytogoforhelpagainstus,andthearenawasfarenoughfromthepublicroadtobesafefromintrusion.
Well,whiletheyweregraduallyplayingout,itsuddenlyoccurredtometowonderwhathadbecomeofMarco.Ilookedaround;hewasnowheretobeseen.Oh,butthiswasominous!Ipulledtheking\'ssleeve,andweglidedawayandrushedforthehut.NoMarcothere,noPhyllisthere!Theyhadgonetotheroadforhelp,sure.Itoldthekingtogivehisheelswings,andIwouldexplainlater.Wemadegoodtimeacrosstheopenground,andaswedartedintotheshelterofthewoodIglancedbackandsawamobofexcitedpeasantsswarmintoview,withMarcoandhiswifeattheirhead.Theyweremakingaworldofnoise,butthatcouldn\'thurtanybody;
thewoodwasdense,andassoonaswewerewellintoitsdepthswewouldtaketoatreeandletthemwhistle.Ah,butthencameanothersound——
dogs!Yes,thatwasquiteanothermatter.Itmagnifiedourcontract——
wemustfindrunningwater.
Wetorealongatagoodgait,andsoonleftthesoundsfarbehindandmodifiedtoamurmur.Westruckastreamanddartedintoit.Wewadedswiftlydownit,inthedimforestlight,forasmuchasthreehundredyards,andthencameacrossanoakwithagreatboughstickingoutoverthewater.
Weclimbeduponthisbough,andbegantoworkourwayalongittothebodyofthetree;nowwebegantohearthosesoundsmoreplainly;sothemobhadstruckourtrail.Forawhilethesoundsapproachedprettyfast.
Andthenforanotherwhiletheydidn\'t.Nodoubtthedogshadfoundtheplacewherewehadenteredthestream,andwerenowwaltzingupanddowntheshorestryingtopickupthetrailagain.
Whenweweresnuglylodgedinthetreeandcurtainedwithfoliage,thekingwassatisfied,butIwasdoubtful.Ibelievedwecouldcrawlalongabranchandgetintothenexttree,andIjudgeditworthwhiletotry.
Wetriedit,andmadeasuccessofit,thoughthekingslipped,atthejunction,andcamenearfailingtoconnect.Wegotcomfortablelodgmentandsatisfactoryconcealmentamongthefoliage,andthenwehadnothingtodobutlistentothehunt.
Presentlywehearditcoming——andcomingonthejump,too;yes,anddownbothsidesofthestream.Louder——louder——nextminuteitswelledswiftlyupintoaroarofshoutings,barkings,tramplings,andsweptbylikeacyclone.
\"Iwasafraidthattheoverhangingbranchwouldsuggestsomethingtothem,\"saidI,\"butIdon\'tmindthedisappointment.Come,myliege,itwerewellthatwemakegooduseofourtime.We\'veflankedthem.Darkiscomingon,presently.Ifwecancrossthestreamandgetagoodstart,andborrowacoupleofhorsesfromsomebody\'spasturetouseforafewhours,weshallbesafeenough.\"
Westarteddown,andgotnearlytothelowestlimb,whenweseemedtohearthehuntreturning.Westoppedtolisten.
\"Yes,\"saidI,\"they\'rebaffled,they\'vegivenitup,they\'reontheirwayhome.Wewillclimbbacktoourroostagain,andletthemgoby.\"
Soweclimbedback.Thekinglistenedamomentandsaid:
\"Theystillsearch——Iwitthesign.Wedidbesttoabide.\"
Hewasright.HeknewmoreabouthuntingthanIdid.Thenoiseapproachedsteadily,butnotwitharush.Thekingsaid:
\"Theyreasonthatwewereadvantagedbynoparlousstartofthem,andbeingonfootareasyetnomightywayfromwherewetookthewater.\"
\"Yes,sire,thatisaboutit,Iamafraid,thoughIwashopingbetterthings.\"
Thenoisedrewnearerandnearer,andsoonthevanwasdriftingunderus,onbothsidesofthewater.Avoicecalledahaltfromtheotherbank,andsaid:
\"Antheyweresominded,theycouldgettoyontreebythisbranchthatoverhangs,andyetnottouchground.Yewilldowelltosendamanupit.\"
\"Marry,thatwewilldo!\"
Iwasobligedtoadmiremycutenessinforeseeingthisverythingandswappingtreestobeatit.But,don\'tyouknow,therearesomethingsthatcanbeatsmartnessandforesight?Awkwardnessandstupiditycan.Thebestswordsmanintheworlddoesn\'tneedtofearthesecondbestswordsmanintheworld;no,thepersonforhimtobeafraidofissomeignorantantagonistwhohasneverhadaswordinhishandbefore;hedoesn\'tdothethingheoughttodo,andsotheexpertisn\'tpreparedforhim;hedoesthethingheoughtnottodo;andoftenitcatchestheexpertoutandendshimonthespot.Well,howcouldI,withallmygifts,makeanyvaluablepreparationagainstanear-sighted,cross-eyed,pudding-headedclownwhowouldaimhimselfatthewrongtreeandhittherightone?Andthatiswhathedid.
Hewentforthewrongtree,whichwas,ofcourse,therightonebymistake,anduphestarted.
Matterswereseriousnow.Weremainedstill,andawaiteddevelopments.
Thepeasanttoiledhisdifficultwayup.Thekingraisedhimselfupandstood;hemadealegready,andwhenthecomer\'sheadarrivedinreachofittherewasadullthud,anddownwentthemanflounderingtotheground.
Therewasawildoutbreakofangerbelow,andthemobswarmedinfromallaround,andthereweweretreed,andprisoners.Anothermanstartedup;
thebridgingboughwasdetected,andavolunteerstartedupthetreethatfurnishedthebridge.ThekingorderedmetoplayHoratiusandkeepthebridge.Forawhiletheenemycamethickandfast;butnomatter,theheadmanofeachprocessionalwaysgotabuffetthatdislodgedhimassoonashecameinreach.Theking\'sspiritsrose,hisjoywaslimitless.Hesaidthatifnothingoccurredtomartheprospectweshouldhaveabeautifulnight,foronthislineoftacticswecouldholdthetreeagainstthewholecountry-side.
However,themobsooncametothatconclusionthemselves;whereforetheycalledofftheassaultandbegantodebateotherplans.Theyhadnoweapons,buttherewereplentyofstones,andstonesmightanswer.Wehadnoobjections.Astonemightpossiblypenetratetousonceinawhile,butitwasn\'tverylikely;wewerewellprotectedbyboughsandfoliage,andwerenotvisiblefromanygoodaimingpoint.Iftheywouldbutwastehalfanhourinstonethrowing,thedarkwouldcometoourhelp.Wewerefeelingverywellsatisfied.Wecouldsmile;almostlaugh.
Butwedidn\'t;whichwasjustaswell,forweshouldhavebeeninterrupted.
Beforethestoneshadbeenragingthroughtheleavesandbouncingfromtheboughsfifteenminutes,webegantonoticeasmell.Acoupleofsniffsofitwasenoughofanexplanation——itwassmoke!Ourgamewasupatlast.Werecognizedthat.Whensmokeinvitesyou,youhavetocome.Theyraisedtheirpileofdrybrushanddampweedshigherandhigher,andwhentheysawthethickcloudbegintorollupandsmotherthetree,theybrokeoutinastormofjoy-clamors.Igotenoughbreathtosay:
\"Proceed,myliege;afteryouismanners.\"
Thekinggasped:
\"Followmedown,andthenbackthyselfagainstonesideofthetrunk,andleavemetheother.Thenwillwefight.Leteachpilehisdeadaccordingtohisownfashionandtaste.\"
Thenhedescended,barkingandcoughing,andIfollowed.Istruckthegroundaninstantafterhim;wesprangtoourappointedplaces,andbegantogiveandtakewithallourmight.Thepowwowandracketwereprodigious;
itwasatempestofriotandconfusionandthick-fallingblows.Suddenlysomehorsementoreintothemidstofthecrowd,andavoiceshouted:
\"Hold——oryearedeadmen!\"
Howgooditsounded!Theownerofthevoiceboreallthemarksofagentleman:picturesqueandcostlyraiment,theaspectofcommand,ahardcountenance,withcomplexionandfeaturesmarredbydissipation.Themobfellhumblyback,likesomanyspaniels.Thegentlemaninspecteduscritically,thensaidsharplytothepeasants:
\"Whatareyedoingtothesepeople?\"
\"Theybemadmen,worshipfulsir,thathavecomewanderingweknownotwhence,and——\"
\"Yeknownotwhence?Doyepretendyeknowthemnot?\"
\"Mosthonoredsir,wespeakbutthetruth.Theyarestrangersandunknowntoanyinthisregion;andtheybethemostviolentandbloodthirstymadmenthatever——\"
\"Peace!Yeknownotwhatyesay.Theyarenotmad.Whoareye?Andwhenceareye?Explain.\"
\"Wearebutpeacefulstrangers,sir,\"Isaid,\"andtravelinguponourownconcerns.Wearefromafarcountry,andunacquaintedhere.Wehavepurposednoharm;andyetbutforyourbraveinterferenceandprotectionthesepeoplewouldhavekilledus.Asyouhavedivined,sir,wearenotmad;neitherareweviolentorbloodthirsty.\"
Thegentlemanturnedtohisretinueandsaidcalmly:\"Lashmetheseanimalstotheirkennels!\"
Themobvanishedinaninstant;andafterthemplungedthehorsemen,layingaboutthemwiththeirwhipsandpitilesslyridingdownsuchaswerewitlessenoughtokeeptheroadinsteadoftakingtothebush.Theshrieksandsupplicationspresentlydiedawayinthedistance,andsoonthehorsemenbegantostraggleback.Meantimethegentlemanhadbeenquestioningusmoreclosely,buthaddugnoparticularsoutofus.Wewerelavishofrecognitionoftheservicehewasdoingus,butwerevealednothingmorethanthatwewerefriendlessstrangersfromafarcountry.Whentheescortwereallreturned,thegentlemansaidtooneofhisservants:
\"Bringtheled-horsesandmountthesepeople.\"
\"Yes,mylord.\"
Wewereplacedtowardtherear,amongtheservants.Wetraveledprettyfast,andfinallydrewreinsometimeafterdarkataroadsideinnsometenortwelvemilesfromthesceneofourtroubles.Mylordwentimmediatelytohisroom,afterorderinghissupper,andwesawnomoreofhim.Atdawninthemorningwebreakfastedandmadereadytostart.
Mylord\'schiefattendantsaunteredforwardatthatmomentwithindolentgrace,andsaid: