AmiableanddearlittleTwoshoes!Astothesettlementofpoorpapa’saffairs，myinterestinthatisnotveryselfish。PapabehavedverygenerouslytomewhenIwasmarried，andIhavelittleornothingtoexpect。Providedhehadmadenowillthatcancomeintoforce，leavingalegacytoMrsGeneral，Iamcontented。Dearpapa，dearpapa。’
Sheweptagain，butMrsGeneralwasthebestofrestoratives。Thenamesoonstimulatedhertodryhereyesandsay：
’ItisahighlyencouragingcircumstanceinEdward’sillness，Iamthankfultothink，andgivesonethegreatestconfidenceinhissensenotbeingimpaired，orhisproperspiritweakened——downtothetimeofpoordearpapa’sdeathatallevents——thathepaidoffMrsGeneralinstantly，andsentheroutofthehouse。Iapplaudhimforit。Icouldforgivehimagreatdealfordoing，withsuchpromptitude，soexactlywhatIwouldhavedonemyself!’
MrsSparklerwasinthefullglowofhergratification，whenadoubleknockwasheardatthedoor。Averyoddknock。Low，asiftoavoidmakinganoiseandattractingattention。Long，asifthepersonknockingwerepreoccupiedinmind，andforgottoleaveoff。
’Halloa!’saidMrSparkler。’Who’sthis？’
’NotAmyandEdwardwithoutnoticeandwithoutacarriage!’saidMrsSparkler。’Lookout。’
Theroomwasdark，butthestreetwaslighter，becauseofitslamps。MrSparkler’sheadpeepingoverthebalconylookedsoverybulkyandheavythatitseemedonthepointofoverbalancinghimandflatteningtheunknownbelow。
’It’sonefellow，’saidMrSparkler。’Ican’tseewho——stopthough!’
Onthissecondthoughthewentoutintothebalconyagainandhadanotherlook。Hecamebackasthedoorwasopened，andannouncedthathebelievedhehadidentified’hisgovernor’stile。’Hewasnotmistaken，forhisgovernor，withhistileinhishand，wasintroducedimmediatelyafterwards。
’Candles!’saidMrsSparkler，withawordofexcuseforthedarkness。
’It’slightenoughforme，’saidMrMerdle。
Whenthecandleswerebroughtin，MrMerdlewasdiscoveredstandingbehindthedoor，pickinghislips。’IthoughtI’dgiveyouacall，’hesaid。’Iamratherparticularlyoccupiedjustnow；and，asIhappenedtobeoutforastroll，IthoughtI’dgiveyouacall。’
Ashewasindinnerdress，Fannyaskedhimwherehehadbeendining？
’Well，’saidMrMerdle，’Ihaven’tbeendininganywhere，particularly。’
’Ofcourseyouhavedined？’saidFanny。
’Why——no，Ihaven’texactlydined，’saidMrMerdle。
Hehadpassedhishandoverhisyellowforeheadandconsidered，asifhewerenotsureaboutit。Somethingtoeatwasproposed。’No，thankyou，’saidMrMerdle，’Idon’tfeelinclinedforit。IwastohavedinedoutalongwithMrsMerdle。ButasIdidn’tfeelinclinedfordinner，IletMrsMerdlegobyherselfjustasweweregettingintothecarriage，andthoughtI’dtakeastrollinstead。’
Wouldhehaveteaorcoffee？’No，thankyou，’saidMrMerdle。’I
lookedinattheClub，andgotabottleofwine。’
Atthisperiodofhisvisit，MrMerdletookthechair。whichEdmundSparklerhadofferedhim，andwhichhehadhithertobeenpushingslowlyaboutbeforehim，likeadullmanwithapairofskatesonforthefirsttime，whocouldnotmakeuphismindtostart。Henowputhishatuponanotherchairbesidehim，and，lookingdownintoitasifitweresometwentyfeetdeep，saidagain：’YouseeIthoughtI’dgiveyouacall。’
’Flatteringtous，’saidFanny，’foryouarenotacallingman。’
’No——no，’returnedMrMerdle，whowasbythistimetakinghimselfintocustodyunderbothcoat-sleeves。’No，Iamnotacallingman。’
’Youhavetoomuchtodoforthat，’saidFanny。’Havingsomuchtodo，MrMerdle，lossofappetiteisaseriousthingwithyou，andyoumusthaveitseento。Youmustnotbeill。’
’Oh!Iamverywell，’repliedMrMerdle，afterdeliberatingaboutit。’IamaswellasIusuallyam。Iamwellenough。IamaswellasIwanttobe。’
Themaster-mindoftheage，truetoitscharacteristicofbeingatalltimesamindthathadaslittleaspossibletosayforitselfandgreatdifficultyinsayingit，becamemuteagain。MrsSparklerbegantowonderhowlongthemaster-mindmeanttostay。
’Iwasspeakingofpoorpapawhenyoucamein，sir。’
’Aye!Quiteacoincidence，’saidMrMerdle。
Fannydidnotseethat；butfeltitincumbentonhertocontinuetalking。’Iwassaying，’shepursued，’thatmybrother’sillnesshasoccasionedadelayinexaminingandarrangingpapa’sproperty。’
’Yes，’saidMrMerdle；’yes。Therehasbeenadelay。’
’Notthatitisofconsequence，’saidFanny。
’Not，’assentedMrMerdle，afterhavingexaminedthecorniceofallthatpartoftheroomwhichwaswithinhisrange：’notthatitisofanyconsequence。’
’Myonlyanxietyis，’saidFanny，’thatMrsGeneralshouldnotgetanything。’
’Shewon’tgetanything，’saidMrMerdle。
Fannywasdelightedtohearhimexpresstheopinion。MrMerdle，aftertakinganothergazeintothedepthsofhishatasifhethoughthesawsomethingatthebottom，rubbedhishairandslowlyappendedtohislastremarktheconfirmatorywords，’Ohdearno。
No。Notshe。Notlikely。’
Asthetopicseemedexhausted，andMrMerdletoo，FannyinquiredifheweregoingtotakeupMrsMerdleandthecarriageinhiswayhome？
’No，’heanswered；’Ishallgobytheshortestway，andleaveMrsMerdleto——’herehelookedalloverthepalmsofbothhishandsasifheweretellinghisownfortune——’totakecareofherself。I
daresayshe’llmanagetodoit。’
’Probably，’saidFanny。
Therewasthenalongsilence；duringwhich，MrsSparkler，lyingbackonhersofaagain，shuthereyesandraisedhereyebrowsinherformerretirementfrommundaneaffairs。
’But，however，’saidMrMerdle，’Iamequallydetainingyouandmyself。IthoughtI’dgiveyouacall，youknow。’
’Charmed，Iamsure，’saidFanny。
’SoIamoff，’addedMrMerdle，gettingup。’Couldyoulendmeapenknife？’
Itwasanoddthing，Fannysmilinglyobserved，forherwhocouldseldomprevailuponherselfeventowritealetter，tolendtoamanofsuchvastbusinessasMrMerdle。’Isn’tit？’MrMerdleacquiesced；’butIwantone；andIknowyouhavegotseverallittleweddingkeepsakesabout，withscissorsandtweezersandsuchthingsinthem。Youshallhaveitbackto-morrow。’
’Edmund，’saidMrsSparkler，’opennow，verycarefully，Ibegandbeseech，foryouaresoveryawkwardthemotherofpearlboxonmylittletablethere，andgiveMrMerdlethemotherofpearlpenknife。’
’Thankyou，’saidMrMerdle；’butifyouhavegotonewithadarkerhandle，IthinkIshouldpreferonewithadarkerhandle。’
’Tortoise-shell？’
’Thankyou，’saidMrMerdle；’yes。IthinkIshouldprefertortoise-shell。’
Edmundaccordinglyreceivedinstructionstoopenthetortoise-shellbox，andgiveMrMerdlethetortoise-shellknife。Onhisdoingso，hiswifesaidtothemaster-spiritgraciously：
’Iwillforgiveyou，ifyouinkit。’
’I’llundertakenottoinkit，’saidMrMerdle。
Theillustriousvisitorthenputouthiscoat-cuff，andforamomententombedMrsSparkler’shand：wrist，bracelet，andall。
Wherehisownhandhadshrunkto，wasnotmademanifest，butitwasasremotefromMrsSparkler’ssenseoftouchasifhehadbeenahighlymeritoriousChelseaVeteranorGreenwichPensioner。
Thoroughlyconvinced，ashewentoutoftheroom，thatitwasthelongestdaythateverdidcometoanendatlast，andthatthereneverwasawoman，notwhollydevoidofpersonalattractions，sowornoutbyidioticandlumpishpeople，Fannypassedintothebalconyforabreathofair。Watersofvexationfilledhereyes；
andtheyhadtheeffectofmakingthefamousMrMerdle，ingoingdownthestreet，appeartoleap，andwaltz，andgyrate，asifhewerepossessedofseveralDevils。
TheChiefButlerResignstheSealsofOfficeThedinner-partywasatthegreatPhysician’s。Barwasthere，andinfullforce。FerdinandBarnaclewasthere，andinhismostengagingstate。FewwaysoflifewerehiddenfromPhysician，andhewasoftenerinitsdarkestplacesthanevenBishop。TherewerebrilliantladiesaboutLondonwhoperfectlydotedonhim，mydear，asthemostcharmingcreatureandthemostdelightfulperson，whowouldhavebeenshockedtofindthemselvessoclosetohimiftheycouldhaveknownonwhatsightsthosethoughtfuleyesofhishadrestedwithinanhourortwo，andneartowhosebeds，andunderwhatroofs，hiscomposedfigurehadstood。ButPhysicianwasacomposedman，whoperformedneitheronhisowntrumpet，noronthetrumpetsofotherpeople。Manywonderfulthingsdidheseeandhear，andmuchirreconcilablemoralcontradictiondidhepasshislifeamong；yethisequalityofcompassionwasnomoredisturbedthantheDivineMaster’sofallhealingwas。Hewent，liketherain，amongthejustandunjust，doingallthegoodhecould，andneitherproclaimingitinthesynagoguesnoratthecornerofstreets。
Asnomanoflargeexperienceofhumanity，howeverquietlycarrieditmaybe，canfailtobeinvestedwithaninterestpeculiartothepossessionofsuchknowledge，Physicianwasanattractiveman。
Eventhedaintiergentlemenandladieswhohadnoideaofhissecret，andwhowouldhavebeenstartledoutofmorewitsthantheyhad，bythemonstrousimproprietyofhisproposingtothem’ComeandseewhatIsee!’confessedhisattraction。Wherehewas，somethingrealwas。Andhalfagrainofreality，likethesmallestportionofsomeotherscarcenaturalproductions，willflavouranenormousquantityofdiluent。
Itcametopass，therefore，thatPhysician’slittledinnersalwayspresentedpeopleintheirleastconventionallights。Theguestssaidtothemselves，whethertheywereconsciousofitorno，’Hereisamanwhoreallyhasanacquaintancewithusasweare，whoisadmittedtosomeofuseverydaywithourwigsandpaintoff，whohearsthewanderingsofourminds，andseestheundisguisedexpressionofourfaces，whenbotharepastourcontrol；wemayaswellmakeanapproachtorealitywithhim，forthemanhasgotthebetterofusandistoostrongforus。’Therefore，Physician’sguestscameoutsosurprisinglyathisroundtablethattheywerealmostnatural。