’Certainly，mydear，’saidMrSparkler，andtookachaironthesamespot。
’IfIdidn’tknowthatthelongestdaywaspast，’saidFanny，yawninginadrearymanner，’Ishouldhavefeltcertainthiswasthelongestday。Ineverdidexperiencesuchaday。’
’Isthatyourfan，mylove？’askedMrSparkler，pickinguponeandpresentingit。
’Edmund，’returnedhiswife，morewearilyyet，’don’taskweakquestions，Ientreatyounot。Whosecanitbebutmine？’
’Yes，Ithoughtitwasyours，’saidMrSparkler。
’Thenyoushouldn’task，’retortedFanny。Afteralittlewhilesheturnedonhersofaandexclaimed，’Dearme，dearme，thereneverwassuchalongdayasthis!’Afteranotherlittlewhile，shegotupslowly，walkedabout，andcamebackagain。
’Mydear，’saidMrSparkler，flashingwithanoriginalconception，’Ithinkyoumusthavegotthefidgets。’
’Oh，Fidgets!’repeatedMrsSparkler。’Don’t。’
’Myadorablegirl，’urgedMrSparkler，’tryyouraromaticvinegar。
Ihaveoftenseenmymothertryit，anditseeminglyrefreshedher。
Andsheis，asIbelieveyouareaware，aremarkablyfinewoman，withnonon——’
’GoodGracious!’exclaimedFanny，startingupagain。’It’sbeyondallpatience!Thisisthemostwearisomedaythateverdiddawnupontheworld，Iamcertain。’
MrSparklerlookedmeeklyafterherassheloungedabouttheroom，andheappearedtobealittlefrightened。Whenshehadtossedafewtriflesabout，andhadlookeddownintothedarkeningstreetoutofallthethreewindows，shereturnedtohersofa，andthrewherselfamongitspillows。
’NowEdmund，comehere!Comealittlenearer，becauseIwanttobeabletotouchyouwithmyfan，thatImayimpressyouverymuchwithwhatIamgoingtosay。Thatwilldo。Quitecloseenough。
Oh，youdolooksobig!’
MrSparklerapologisedforthecircumstance，pleadedthathecouldn’thelpit，andsaidthat’ourfellows，’withoutmoreparticularlyindicatingwhosefellows，usedtocallhimbythenameofQuinbusFlestrin，Junior，ortheYoungManMountain。
’Yououghttohavetoldmesobefore，’Fannycomplained。
’Mydear，’returnedMrSparkler，rathergratified，’Ididn’tknowItwouldinterestyou，orIwouldhavemadeapointoftellingyou。’
’There!Forgoodnesssake，don’ttalk，’saidFanny；’Iwanttotalk，myself。Edmund，wemustnotbealoneanymore。ImusttakesuchprecautionsaswillpreventmybeingeveragainreducedtothestateofdreadfuldepressioninwhichIamthisevening。’
’Mydear，’answeredMrSparkler；’beingasyouarewellknowntobe，aremarkablyfinewomanwithno——’
’Oh，goodGRACIOUS!’criedFanny。
MrSparklerwassodiscomposedbytheenergyofthisexclamation，accompaniedwithaflouncingupfromthesofaandaflouncingdownagain，thataminuteortwoelapsedbeforehefelthimselfequaltosayinginexplanation：
’Imean，mydear，thateverybodyknowsyouarecalculatedtoshineinsociety。’
’Calculatedtoshineinsociety，’retortedFannywithgreatirritability；’yes，indeed!Andthenwhathappens？Inosoonerrecover，inavisitingpointofview，theshockofpoordearpapa’sdeath，andmypooruncle’s——thoughIdonotdisguisefrommyselfthatthelastwasahappyrelease，for，ifyouarenotpresentableyouhadmuchbetterdie——’
’Youarenotreferringtome，mylove，Ihope？’MrSparklerhumblyinterrupted。
’Edmund，Edmund，youwouldwearoutaSaint。AmInotexpresslyspeakingofmypooruncle？’
’Youlookedwithsomuchexpressionatmyself，mydeargirl，’saidMrSparkler，’thatIfeltalittleuncomfortable。Thankyou，mylove。’
’Nowyouhaveputmeout，’observedFannywitharesignedtossofherfan，’andIhadbettergotobed。’
’Don’tdothat，mylove，’urgedMrSparkler。’Taketime。’
Fannytookagooddealoftime：lyingbackwithhereyesshut，andhereyebrowsraisedwithahopelessexpressionasifshehadutterlygivenupallterrestrialaffairs。Atlength，withouttheslightestnotice，sheopenedhereyesagain，andrecommencedinashort，sharpmanner：
’Whathappensthen，Iask!Whathappens？Why，IfindmyselfattheveryperiodwhenImightshinemostinsociety，andshouldmostlikeforverymomentousreasonstoshineinsociety——Ifindmyselfinasituationwhichtoacertainextentdisqualifiesmeforgoingintosociety。it’stoobad，really!’
’Mydear，’saidMrSparkler。’Idon’tthinkitneedkeepyouathome。’
’Edmund，youridiculouscreature，’returnedFanny，withgreatindignation；’doyousupposethatawomaninthebloomofyouthandnotwhollydevoidofpersonalattractions，canputherself，atsuchatime，incompetitionastofigurewithawomanineveryotherwayherinferior？Ifyoudosupposesuchathing，yourfollyisboundless。’
MrSparklersubmittedthathehadthought’itmightbegotover。’
’Gotover!’repeatedFanny，withimmeasurablescorn。
’Foratime，’MrSparklersubmitted。
Honouringthelastfeeblesuggestionwithnonotice，MrsSparklerdeclaredwithbitternessthatitreallywastoobad，andthatpositivelyitwasenoughtomakeonewishonewasdead!
’However，’shesaid，whenshehadinsomemeasurerecoveredfromhersenseofpersonalill-usage；’provokingasitis，andcruelasitseems，Isupposeitmustbesubmittedto。’
’Especiallyasitwastobeexpected，’saidMrSparkler。
’Edmund，’returnedhiswife，’ifyouhavenothingmorebecomingtodothantoattempttoinsultthewomanwhohashonouredyouwithherhand，whenshefindsherselfinadversity，IthinkYOUhadbettergotobed!’
MrSparklerwasmuchafflictedbythecharge，andofferedamosttenderandearnestapology。Hisapologywasaccepted；butMrsSparklerrequestedhimtogoroundtotheothersideofthesofaandsitinthewindow-curtain，totonehimselfdown。
’Now，Edmund，’shesaid，stretchingoutherfan，andtouchinghimwithitatarm’slength，’whatIwasgoingtosaytoyouwhenyoubeganasusualtoproseandworry，is，thatIshallguardagainstourbeingaloneanymore，andthatwhencircumstancespreventmygoingouttomyownsatisfaction，Imustarrangetohavesomepeopleorotheralwayshere；forIreallycannot，andwillnot，haveanothersuchdayasthishasbeen。’
MrSparkler’ssentimentsastotheplanwere，inbrief，thatithadnononsenseaboutit。Headded，’Andbesides，youknowit’slikelythatyou’llsoonhaveyoursister——’
’DearestAmy，yes!’criedMrsSparklerwithasighofaffection。
’Darlinglittlething!Not，however，thatAmywoulddoherealone。’
MrSparklerwasgoingtosay’No？’interrogatively，buthesawhisdangerandsaiditassentingly，’No，Ohdearno；shewouldn’tdoherealone。’
’No，Edmund。Fornotonlyarethevirtuesofthepreciouschildofthatstillcharacterthattheyrequireacontrast——requirelifeandmovementaroundthemtobringthemoutintheirrightcoloursandmakeonelovethemofallthings；butshewillrequiretoberoused，onmoreaccountsthanone。’
’That’sit，’saidMrSparkler。’Roused。’
’Praydon’t，Edmund!Yourhabitofinterruptingwithouthavingtheleastthingintheworldtosay，distractsone。Youmustbebrokenofit。SpeakingofAmy；——mypoorlittlepetwasdevotedlyattachedtopoorpapa，andnodoubtwillhavelamentedhislossexceedingly，andgrievedverymuch。Ihavedonesomyself。Ihavefeltitdreadfully。ButAmywillnodoubthavefeltitevenmore，fromhavingbeenonthespotthewholetime，andhavingbeenwithpoordearpapaatthelast；whichIunhappilywasnot。’
HereFannystoppedtoweep，andtosay，’Dear，dear，belovedpapa!
Howtrulygentlemanlyhewas!Whatacontrasttopooruncle!’
’Fromtheeffectsofthattryingtime，’shepursued，’mygoodlittleMousewillhavetoberoused。Also，fromtheeffectsofthislongattendanceuponEdwardinhisillness；anattendancewhichisnotyetover，whichmayevengoonforsometimelonger，andwhichinthemeanwhileunsettlesusallbykeepingpoordearpapa’saffairsfrombeingwoundup。Fortunately，however，thepaperswithhisagentsherebeingallsealedupandlockedup，asheleftthemwhenheprovidentiallycametoEngland，theaffairsareinthatstateoforderthattheycanwaituntilmybrotherEdwardrecovershishealthinSicily，sufficientlytocomeover，andadminister，orexecute，orwhateveritmaybethatwillhavetobedone。’
’Hecouldn’thaveabetternursetobringhimround，’MrSparklermadeboldtoopine。
’Forawonder，Icanagreewithyou，’returnedhiswife，languidlyturninghereyelidsalittleinhisdirectionsheheldforth，ingeneral，asiftothedrawing-roomfurniture，’andcanadoptyourwords。Hecouldn’thaveabetternursetobringhimround。Therearetimeswhenmydearchildisalittlewearingtoanactivemind；
but，asanurse，sheisPerfection。BestofAmys!’
MrSparkler，growingrashonhislatesuccess，observedthatEdwardhadhad，biggodd，alongboutofit，mydeargirl。
’IfBout，Edmund，’returnedMrsSparkler，’istheslangtermforindisposition，hehas。Ifitisnot，IamunabletogiveanopiniononthebarbarouslanguageyouaddresstoEdward’ssister。
ThathecontractedMalariaFeversomewhere，eitherbytravellingdayandnighttoRome，where，afterall，hearrivedtoolatetoseepoordearpapabeforehisdeath——orundersomeotherunwholesomecircumstances——isindubitable，ifthatiswhatyoumean。Likewisethathisextremelycarelesslifehasmadehimaverybadsubjectforitindeed。’
MrSparklerconsidereditaparallelcasetothatofsomeofourfellowsintheWestIndieswithYellowJack。MrsSparklerclosedhereyesagain，andrefusedtohaveanyconsciousnessofourfellowsoftheWestIndies，orofYellowJack。
’So，Amy，’shepursued，whenshereopenedhereyelids，’willrequiretoberousedfromtheeffectsofmanytediousandanxiousweeks。Andlastly，shewillrequiretoberousedfromalowtendencywhichIknowverywelltobeatthebottomofherheart。
Don’taskmewhatitis，Edmund，becauseImustdeclinetotellyou。’
’Iamnotgoingto，mydear，’saidMrSparkler。
’Ishallthushavemuchimprovementtoeffectinmysweetchild，’
MrsSparklercontinued，’andcannothavehernearmetoosoon。