第59章
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  Noonehaseverlovedaswehaveloved。“

  Itseemedtohimthattheircompleteunionandhappinessfilledtheroomwithringseddyingmoreandmorewidely。Hehadnowishintheworldleftunfulfilled。Theypossessedwhatcouldneverbetakenfromthem。

  Hewasnotconsciousthatanyonehadcomeintotheroom,butlater,momentslater,orhourslaterperhaps,hefeltanarmbehindhim。

  Thearmswereroundhim。Hedidnotwanttohavearmsroundhim,andthemysteriouswhisperingvoicesannoyedhim。HelaidRachel’shand,whichwasnowcold,uponthecounterpane,androsefromhischair,andwalkedacrosstothewindow。Thewindowswereuncurtained,andshowedthemoon,andalongsilverpathwayuponthesurfaceofthewaves。

  “Why,“hesaid,inhisordinarytoneofvoice,“lookatthemoon。

  There’sahaloroundthemoon。Weshallhaverainto-morrow。“

  Thearms,whethertheywerethearmsofmanorofwoman,wereroundhimagain;theywerepushinghimgentlytowardsthedoor。Heturnedofhisownaccordandwalkedsteadilyinadvanceofthearms,consciousofalittleamusementatthestrangewayinwhichpeoplebehavedmerelybecausesomeonewasdead。Hewouldgoiftheywishedit,butnothingtheycoulddowoulddisturbhishappiness。

  Ashesawthepassageoutsidetheroom,andthetablewiththecupsandtheplates,itsuddenlycameoverhimthatherewasaworldinwhichhewouldneverseeRachelagain。

  “Rachel!Rachel!“heshrieked,tryingtorushbacktoher。

  Buttheypreventedhim,andpushedhimdownthepassageandintoabedroomfarfromherroom。Downstairstheycouldhearthethudofhisfeetonthefloor,ashestruggledtobreakfree;andtwicetheyheardhimshout,“Rachel,Rachel!“

  Fortwoorthreehourslongerthemoonpoureditslightthroughtheemptyair。Unbrokenbycloudsitfellstraightly,andlayalmostlikeachillwhitefrostovertheseaandtheearth。

  Duringthesehoursthesilencewasnotbroken,andtheonlymovementwascausedbythemovementoftreesandbrancheswhichstirredslightly,andthentheshadowsthatlayacrossthewhitespacesofthelandmovedtoo。Inthisprofoundsilenceonesoundonlywasaudible,thesoundofaslightbutcontinuousbreathingwhichneverceased,althoughitneverroseandneverfell。Itcontinuedafterthebirdshadbeguntoflutterfrombranchtobranch,andcouldbeheardbehindthefirstthinnotesoftheirvoices。Itcontinuedallthroughthehourswhentheeastwhitened,andgrewred,andafaintbluetingedthesky,butwhenthesunroseitceased,andgaveplacetoothersounds。

  Thefirstsoundsthatwereheardwerelittleinarticulatecries,thecries,itseemed,ofchildrenoroftheverypoor,ofpeoplewhowereveryweakorinpain。Butwhenthesunwasabovethehorizon,theairwhichhadbeenthinandpalegreweverymomentricherandwarmer,andthesoundsoflifebecamebolderandmorefullofcourageandauthority。Bydegreesthesmokebegantoascendinwaveringbreathsoverthehouses,andtheseslowlythickened,untiltheywereasroundandstraightascolumns,andinsteadofstrikinguponpalewhiteblinds,thesunshoneupondarkwindows,beyondwhichtherewasdepthandspace。

  Thesunhadbeenupformanyhours,andthegreatdomeofairwaswarmedthroughandglitteringwiththingoldthreadsofsunlight,beforeanyonemovedinthehotel。Whiteandmassiveitstoodintheearlylight,halfasleepwithitsblindsdown。

  Atabouthalf-pastnineMissAllancameveryslowlyintothehall,andwalkedveryslowlytothetablewherethemorningpaperswerelaid,butshedidnotputoutherhandtotakeone;shestoodstill,thinking,withherheadalittlesunkuponhershoulders。

  Shelookedcuriouslyold,andfromthewayinwhichshestood,alittlehunchedtogetherandverymassive,youcouldseewhatshewouldbelikewhenshewasreallyold,howshewouldsitdayafterdayinherchairlookingplacidlyinfrontofher。

  Otherpeoplebegantocomeintotheroom,andtopassher,butshedidnotspeaktoanyofthemorevenlookatthem,andatlast,asifitwerenecessarytodosomething,shesatdowninachair,andlookedquietlyandfixedlyinfrontofher。Shefeltveryoldthismorning,anduselesstoo,asifherlifehadbeenafailure,asifithadbeenhardandlaborioustonopurpose。

  Shedidnotwanttogoonliving,andyetsheknewthatshewould。

  Shewassostrongthatshewouldlivetobeaveryoldwoman。

  Shewouldprobablylivetobeeighty,andasshewasnowfifty,thatleftthirtyyearsmoreforhertolive。Sheturnedherhandsoverandoverinherlapandlookedatthemcuriously;heroldhands,thathaddonesomuchworkforher。Theredidnotseemtobemuchpointinitall;onewenton,ofcourseonewenton……ShelookeduptoseeMrs。Thornburystandingbesideher,withlinesdrawnuponherforehead,andherlipspartedasifshewereabouttoaskaquestion。

  MissAllananticipatedher。

  “Yes,“shesaid。“Shediedthismorning,veryearly,aboutthreeo’clock。“

  Mrs。Thornburymadealittleexclamation,drewherlipstogether,andthetearsroseinhereyes。Throughthemshelookedatthehallwhichwasnowlaidwithgreatbreadthsofsunlight,andatthecareless,casualgroupsofpeoplewhowerestandingbesidethesolidarm-chairsandtables。Theylookedtoherunreal,oraspeoplelookwhoremainunconsciousthatsomegreatexplosionisabouttotakeplacebesidethem。Buttherewasnoexplosion,andtheywentonstandingbythechairsandthetables。Mrs。Thornburynolongersawthem,but,penetratingthroughthemasthoughtheywerewithoutsubstance,shesawthehouse,thepeopleinthehouse,theroom,thebedintheroom,andthefigureofthedeadlyingstillinthedarkbeneaththesheets。Shecouldalmostseethedead。

  Shecouldalmosthearthevoicesofthemourners。

  “Theyexpectedit?“sheaskedatlength。

  MissAllancouldonlyshakeherhead。

  “Iknownothing,“shereplied,“exceptwhatMrs。Flushing’smaidtoldme。Shediedearlythismorning。“

  Thetwowomenlookedateachotherwithaquietsignificantgaze,andthen,feelingoddlydazed,andseekingshedidnotknowexactlywhat,Mrs。Thornburywentslowlyupstairsandwalkedquietlyalongthepassages,touchingthewallwithherfingersasiftoguideherself。Housemaidswerepassingbrisklyfromroomtoroom,butMrs。Thornburyavoidedthem;shehardlysawthem;

  theyseemedtohertobeinanotherworld。ShedidnotevenlookupdirectlywhenEvelynstoppedher。ItwasevidentthatEvelynhadbeenlatelyintears,andwhenshelookedatMrs。Thornburyshebegantocryagain。Togethertheydrewintothehollowofawindow,andstoodthereinsilence。BrokenwordsformedthemselvesatlastamongEvelyn’ssobs。“Itwaswicked,“shesobbed,“itwascruel——

  theyweresohappy。“

  Mrs。Thornburypattedherontheshoulder。

  “Itseemshard——veryhard,“shesaid。ShepausedandlookedoutovertheslopeofthehillattheAmbroses’villa;thewindowswereblazinginthesun,andshethoughthowthesoulofthedeadhadpassedfromthosewindows。Somethinghadpassedfromtheworld。

  Itseemedtoherstrangelyempty。

  “Andyettheolderonegrows,“shecontinued,hereyesregainingmorethantheirusualbrightness,“themorecertainonebecomesthatthereisareason。Howcouldonegooniftherewerenoreason?“

  sheasked。

  Sheaskedthequestionofsomeone,butshedidnotaskitofEvelyn。

  Evelyn’ssobswerebecomingquieter。“Theremustbeareason,“

  shesaid。“Itcan’tonlybeanaccident。Foritwasanaccident——

  itneedneverhavehappened。“

  Mrs。Thornburysigheddeeply。

  “Butwemustnotletourselvesthinkofthat,“sheadded,“andletushopethattheydon’teither。Whatevertheyhaddoneitmighthavebeenthesame。Theseterribleillnesses——“

  “There’snoreason——Idon’tbelievethere’sanyreasonatall!“

  Evelynbrokeout,pullingtheblinddownandlettingitflybackwithalittlesnap。

  “Whyshouldthesethingshappen?Whyshouldpeoplesuffer?

  Ihonestlybelieve,“shewenton,loweringhervoiceslightly,“thatRachel’sinHeaven,butTerence……“

  “What’sthegoodofitall?“shedemanded。

  Mrs。Thornburyshookherheadslightlybutmadenoreply,andpressingEvelyn’shandshewentondownthepassage。

  Impelledbyastrongdesiretohearsomething,althoughshedidnotknowexactlywhattherewastohear,shewasmakingherwaytotheFlushings’room。Assheopenedtheirdoorshefeltthatshehadinterruptedsomeargumentbetweenhusbandandwife。

  Mrs。Flushingwassittingwithherbacktothelight,andMr。Flushingwasstandingnearher,arguingandtryingtopersuadeherofsomething。

  “Ah,hereisMrs。Thornbury,“hebeganwithsomereliefinhisvoice。

  “Youhaveheard,ofcourse。Mywifefeelsthatshewasinsomewayresponsible。SheurgedpoorMissVinracetocomeontheexpedition。

  I’msureyouwillagreewithmethatitismostunreasonabletofeelthat。

  Wedon’tevenknow——infactIthinkitmostunlikely——thatshecaughtherillnessthere。Thesediseases——Besides,shewassetongoing。

  Shewouldhavegonewhetheryouaskedherornot,Alice。“

  “Don’t,Wilfrid,“saidMrs。Flushing,neithermovingnortakinghereyesoffthespotontheflooruponwhichtheyrested。

  “What’stheuseoftalking?What’stheuse——?“Sheceased。

  “Iwascomingtoaskyou,“saidMrs。Thornbury,addressingWilfrid,foritwasuselesstospeaktohiswife。“Isthereanythingyouthinkthatonecoulddo?Hasthefatherarrived?Couldonegoandsee?“

  Thestrongestwishinherbeingatthismomentwastobeabletodosomethingfortheunhappypeople——toseethem——toassurethem——

  tohelpthem。Itwasdreadfultobesofarawayfromthem。

  ButMr。Flushingshookhishead;hedidnotthinkthatnow——

  laterperhapsonemightbeabletohelp。HereMrs。Flushingrosestiffly,turnedherbacktothem,andwalkedtothedressing-roomopposite。

  Asshewalked,theycouldseeherbreastslowlyriseandslowlyfall。

  Buthergriefwassilent。Sheshutthedoorbehindher。

  Whenshewasalonebyherselfsheclenchedherfiststogether,andbeganbeatingthebackofachairwiththem。Shewaslikeawoundedanimal。

  Shehateddeath;shewasfurious,outraged,indignantwithdeath,asifitwerealivingcreature。Sherefusedtorelinquishherfriendstodeath。Shewouldnotsubmittodarkandnothingness。

  Shebegantopaceupanddown,clenchingherhands,andmakingnoattempttostopthequicktearswhichraceddownhercheeks。

  Shesatstillatlast,butshedidnotsubmit。Shelookedstubbornandstrongwhenshehadceasedtocry。

  Inthenextroom,meanwhile,WilfridwastalkingtoMrs。Thornburywithgreaterfreedomnowthathiswifewasnotsittingthere。

  “That’stheworstoftheseplaces,“hesaid。“PeoplewillbehaveasthoughtheywereinEngland,andthey’renot。I’venodoubtmyselfthatMissVinracecaughttheinfectionupatthevillaitself。

  Sheprobablyranrisksadozentimesadaythatmighthavegivenhertheillness。It’sabsurdtosayshecaughtitwithus。“

  Ifhehadnotbeensincerelysorryforthemhewouldhavebeenannoyed。

  “Peppertellsme,“hecontinued,“thatheleftthehousebecausehethoughtthemsocareless。Hesaystheyneverwashedtheirvegetablesproperly。Poorpeople!It’safearfulpricetopay。

  Butit’sonlywhatI’veseenoverandoveragain——peopleseemtoforgetthatthesethingshappen,andthentheydohappen,andthey’resurprised。

  Mrs。Thornburyagreedwithhimthattheyhadbeenverycareless,andthattherewasnoreasonwhatevertothinkthatshehadcaughtthefeverontheexpedition;andaftertalkingaboutotherthingsforashorttime,shelefthimandwentsadlyalongthepassagetoherownroom。Theremustbesomereasonwhysuchthingshappen,shethoughttoherself,assheshutthedoor。Onlyatfirstitwasnoteasytounderstandwhatitwas。Itseemedsostrange——

  sounbelievable。Why,onlythreeweeksago——onlyafortnightago,shehadseenRachel;whensheshuthereyesshecouldalmostseehernow,thequiet,shygirlwhowasgoingtobemarried。

  ShethoughtofallthatshewouldhavemissedhadshediedatRachel’sage,thechildren,themarriedlife,theunimaginabledepthsandmiraclesthatseemedtoher,asshelookedback,tohavelainabouther,dayafterday,andyearafteryear。

  Thestunnedfeeling,whichhadbeenmakingitdifficultforhertothink,graduallygavewaytoafeelingoftheoppositenature;

  shethoughtveryquicklyandveryclearly,and,lookingbackoverallherexperiences,triedtofitthemintoakindoforder。

  Therewasundoubtedlymuchsuffering,muchstruggling,but,onthewhole,surelytherewasabalanceofhappiness——surelyorderdidprevail。

  Norwerethedeathsofyoungpeoplereallythesaddestthingsinlife——

  theyweresavedsomuch;theykeptsomuch。Thedead——shecalledtomindthosewhohaddiedearly,accidentally——werebeautiful;

  sheoftendreamtofthedead。AndintimeTerencehimselfwouldcometofeel——Shegotupandbegantowanderrestlesslyabouttheroom。

  Foranoldwomanofherageshewasveryrestless,andforoneofherclear,quickmindshewasunusuallyperplexed。Shecouldnotsettletoanything,sothatshewasrelievedwhenthedooropened。

  Shewentuptoherhusband,tookhiminherarms,andkissedhimwithunusualintensity,andthenastheysatdowntogethershebegantopathimandquestionhimasifhewereababy,anold,tired,querulousbaby。ShedidnottellhimaboutMissVinrace’sdeath,forthatwouldonlydisturbhim,andhewasputoutalready。

  Shetriedtodiscoverwhyhewasuneasy。Politicsagain?

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