AsIstoodadmiring，thereemergedfromtheyardofalowlyCabaret，theexcellentMaMere，MaMere，withthewords，’Thesoupisserved；’wordswhichsoelatedthesubjectinthecanvassuit，thatwhentheyallranintopartake，hewentlast，dancingwithhishandsstuckangularlyintothepocketsofhiscanvastrousers，afterthePierrotmanner。GlancingdowntheYard，thelastIsawofhimwas，thathelookedinthroughawindowatthesoup，nodoubtononeleg。
Fullofthispleasure，Ishortlyafterwardsdepartedfromthetown，littledreamingofanadditiontomygoodfortune。Butmorewasinreserve。Iwentbyatrainwhichwasheavywiththird-classcarriages，fullofyoungfellowswellguardedwhohaddrawnunluckynumbersinthelastconscription，andwereontheirwaytoafamousFrenchgarrisontownwheremuchoftherawmilitarymaterialisworkedupintosoldiery。Atthestationtheyhadbeensittingabout，intheirthreadbarehomespunbluegarments，withtheirpoorlittlebundlesundertheirarms，coveredwithdustandclay，andthevarioussoilsofFrance；sadenoughatheart，mostofthem，butputtingagoodfaceuponit，andslappingtheirbreastsandsingingchorusesonthesmallestprovocation；thegayestspiritsshoulderinghalfloavesofblackbreadspearedupontheirwalking-sticks。Aswewentalong，theywereaudibleateverystation，chorusingwildlyoutoftune，andfeigningthehighesthilarity。Afterawhile，however，theybegantoleaveoffsinging，andtolaughnaturally，whileatintervalstheremingledwiththeirlaughterthebarkingofadog。Now，Ihadtoalightshortoftheirdestination，and，asthatstoppageofthetrainwasattendedwithaquantityofhornblowing，bellringing，andproclamationofwhatMessieurslesVoyageursweretodo，andwerenottodo，inordertoreachtheirrespectivedestinations，Ihadampleleisuretogoforwardontheplatformtotakeapartinglookatmyrecruits，whoseheadswerealloutatwindow，andwhowerelaughinglikedelightedchildren。ThenIperceivedthatalargepoodlewithapinknose，whohadbeentheirtravellingcompanionandthecauseoftheirmirth，stoodonhishind-legspresentingarmsontheextremevergeoftheplatform，readytosalutethemasthetrainwentoff。
Thispoodleworeamilitaryshakoitisunnecessarytoadd，verymuchononesideoveroneeye，alittlemilitarycoat，andtheregulationwhitegaiters。Hewasarmedwithalittlemusketandalittlesword-bayonet，andhestoodpresentingarmsinperfectattitude，withhisunobscuredeyeonhismasterorsuperiorofficer，whostoodbyhim。Soadmirablewashisdiscipline，that，whenthetrainmoved，andhewasgreetedwiththepartingcheersoftherecruits，andalsowithashowerofcentimes，severalofwhichstruckhisshako，andhadatendencytodiscomposehim，heremainedstaunchonhispost，untilthetrainwasgone。Hethenresignedhisarmstohisofficer，tookoffhisshakobyrubbinghispawoverit，droppedonfourlegs，bringinghisuniformcoatintotheabsurdestrelationswiththeoverarchingskies，andranabouttheplatforminhiswhitegaiters，waginghistailtoanexceedinggreatextent。Itstruckmethattherewasmorewaggerythanthisinthepoodle，andthatheknewthattherecruitswouldneithergetthroughtheirexercises，norgetridoftheiruniforms，aseasilyashe；revolvingwhichinmythoughts，andseekinginmypocketssomesmallmoneytobestowuponhim，Icasuallydirectedmyeyestothefaceofhissuperiorofficer，andinhimbeheldtheFace-Maker！
ThoughitwasnotthewaytoAlgeria，butquitethereverse，themilitarypoodle’sColonelwastheFace-Makerinadarkblouse，withasmallbundledanglingoverhisshoulderattheendofanumbrella，andtakingapipefromhisbreasttosmokeasheandthepoodlewenttheirmysteriousway。
Myvoyagesinpaperboatsamongsavagesoftenyieldmematterforreflectionathome。Itiscurioustotracethesavageinthecivilisedman，andtodetecttheholdofsomesavagecustomsonconditionsofsocietyratherboastfulofbeinghighabovethem。
Iwonder，istheMedicineManoftheNorthAmericanIndiansnevertobegotridof，outoftheNorthAmericancountry？HecomesintomyWigwamonallmannerofoccasions，andwiththeabsurdest’Medicine。’Ialwaysfinditextremelydifficult，andIoftenfinditsimplyimpossible，tokeephimoutofmyWigwam。Forhislegal’Medicine’hesticksuponhisheadthehairofquadrupeds，andplastersthesamewithfat，anddirtywhitepowder，andtalksagibberishquiteunknowntothemenandsquawsofhistribe。Forhisreligious’Medicine’heputsonpuffywhitesleeves，littleblackaprons，largeblackwaistcoatsofapeculiarcut，collarlesscoatswithMedicinebutton-holes，Medicinestockingsandgaitersandshoes，andtopsthewholewithahighlygrotesqueMedicinalhat。Inonerespect，tobesure，Iamquitefreefromhim。OnoccasionswhentheMedicineMeningeneral，togetherwithalargenumberofthemiscellaneousinhabitantsofhisvillage，bothmaleandfemale，arepresentedtotheprincipalChief，hisnative’Medicine’isacomicalmixtureofoldoddsandendshiredoftradersandnewthingsinantiquatedshapes，andpiecesofredclothofwhichheisparticularlyfond，andwhiteandredandbluepaintfortheface。TheirrationalityofthisparticularMedicineculminatesinamockbattle-rush，fromwhichmanyofthesquawsareborneout，muchdilapidated。IneednotobservehowunlikethisistoaDrawingRoomatSt。James’sPalace。
TheAfricanmagicianIfinditverydifficulttoexcludefrommyWigwamtoo。Thiscreaturetakescasesofdeathandmourningunderhissupervision，andwillfrequentlyimpoverishawholefamilybyhispreposterousenchantments。Heisagreateateranddrinker，andalwaysconcealsarejoicingstomachunderagrievingexterior。
Hischarmsconsistofaninfinitequantityofworthlessscraps，forwhichhechargesveryhigh。Heimpressesonthepoorbereavednatives，thatthemoreofhisfollowerstheypaytoexhibitsuchscrapsontheirpersonsforanhourortwothoughtheyneversawthedeceasedintheirlives，andareputinhighspiritsbyhisdecease，themorehonourablyandpiouslytheygrieveforthedead。
Thepoorpeoplesubmittingthemselvestothisconjurer，anexpensiveprocessionisformed，inwhichbitsofstick，feathersofbirds，andaquantityofotherunmeaningobjectsbesmearedwithblackpaint，arecarriedinacertainghastlyorderofwhichnooneunderstandsthemeaning，ifiteverhadany，tothebrinkofthegrave，andarethenbroughtbackagain。
IntheTongaIslandseverythingissupposedtohaveasoul，sothatwhenahatchetisirreparablybroken，theysay，’Hisimmortalparthasdeparted；heisgonetothehappyhunting-plains。’Thisbeliefleadstothelogicalsequencethatwhenamanisburied，someofhiseatinganddrinkingvessels，andsomeofhiswarlikeimplements，mustbebrokenandburiedwithhim。Superstitiousandwrong，butsurelyamorerespectablesuperstitionthanthehireofanticscrapsforashowthathasnomeaningbasedonanysincerebelief。
LetmehaltonmyUncommercialroad，tothrowapassingglanceonsomefuneralsolemnitiesthatIhaveseenwhereNorthAmericanIndians，AfricanMagicians，andTongaIslanders，aresupposednottobe。
Once，IdweltinanItaliancity，wheretheredweltwithmeforawhile，anEnglishmanofanamiablenature，greatenthusiasm，andnodiscretion。Thisfrienddiscoveredadesolatestranger，mourningovertheunexpecteddeathofoneverydeartohim，inasolitarycottageamongthevineyardsofanoutlyingvillage。Thecircumstancesofthebereavementwereunusuallydistressing；andthesurvivor，newtothepeasantsandthecountry，sorelyneededhelp，beingalonewiththeremains。Withsomedifficulty，butwiththestronginfluenceofapurposeatoncegentle，disinterested，anddetermined，myfriend-Mr。Kindheart-obtainedaccesstothemourner，andundertooktoarrangetheburial。
TherewasasmallProtestantcemeterynearthecitywalls，andasMr。Kindheartcamebacktome，heturnedintoitandchosethespot。Hewasalwayshighlyflushedwhenrenderingaserviceunaided，andIknewthattomakehimhappyImustkeepalooffromhisministration。Butwhenatdinnerhewarmedwiththegoodactionoftheday，andconceivedthebrilliantideaofcomfortingthemournerwith’anEnglishfuneral，’IventuredtointimatethatIthoughtthatinstitution，whichwasnotabsolutelysublimeathome，mightproveafailureinItalianhands。However，Mr。
Kindheartwassoenrapturedwithhisconception，thathepresentlywrotedownintothetownrequestingtheattendancewithto-morrow’searliestlightofacertainlittleupholsterer。Thisupholstererwasfamousforspeakingtheunintelligiblelocaldialecthisown
inafarmoreunintelligiblemannerthananyothermanalive。
WhenfrommybathnextmorningIoverheardMr。Kindheartandtheupholstererinconferenceonthetopofanechoingstaircase；andwhenIoverheardMr。KindheartrenderingEnglishUndertakingphrasesintoverychoiceItalian，andtheupholstererreplyingintheunknownTongues；andwhenIfurthermorerememberedthatthelocalfuneralshadnoresemblancetoEnglishfunerals；Ibecameinmysecretbosomapprehensive。ButMr。Kindheartinformedmeatbreakfastthatmeasureshadbeentakentoensureasignalsuccess。
Asthefuneralwastotakeplaceatsunset，andasIknewtowhichofthecitygatesitmusttend，Iwentoutatthatgateasthesundescended，andwalkedalongthedusty，dustyroad。Ihadnotwalkedfar，whenIencounteredthisprocession:
1。Mr。Kindheart，muchabashed，onanimmensegreyhorse。
2。Abrightyellowcoachandpair，drivenbyacoachmaninbrightredvelvetknee-breechesandwaistcoat。ThiswastheestablishedlocalideaofState。Bothcoachdoorskeptopenbythecoffin，whichwasonitssidewithin，andstickingoutateach。
3。Behindthecoach，themourner，forwhomthecoachwasintended，walkinginthedust。
4。Concealedbehindaroadsidewellfortheirrigationofagarden，theunintelligibleUpholsterer，admiring。
Itmatterslittlenow。CoachesofallcoloursarealiketopoorKindheart，andherestsfarNorthofthelittlecemeterywiththecypress-trees，bythecitywallswheretheMediterraneanissobeautiful。
Myfirstfuneral，afairrepresentativefuneralafteritskind，wasthatofthehusbandofamarriedservant，oncemynurse。Shemarriedformoney。SallyFlanders，afterayearortwoofmatrimony，becametherelictofFlanders，asmallmasterbuilder；
andeithersheorFlandershaddonemethehonourtoexpressadesirethatIshould’follow。’Imayhavebeensevenoreightyearsold；-youngenough，certainly，tofeelratheralarmedbytheexpression，asnotknowingwheretheinvitationwasheldtoterminate，andhowfarIwasexpectedtofollowthedeceasedFlanders。Consentbeinggivenbytheheadsofhouses，Iwasjobbedupintowhatwaspronouncedathomedecentmourningcomprehendingsomebodyelse’sshirt，unlessmymemorydeceivesme，andwasadmonishedthatif，whenthefuneralwasinaction，Iputmyhandsinmypockets，ortookmyeyesoutofmypocket-handkerchief，Iwaspersonallylost，andmyfamilydisgraced。Ontheeventfulday，havingtriedtogetmyselfintoadisastrousframeofmind，andhavingformedaverypooropinionofmyselfbecauseIcouldn’tcry，IrepairedtoSally’s。Sallywasanexcellentcreature，andhadbeenagoodwifetooldFlanders，butthemomentIsawherIknewthatshewasnotinherownrealnaturalstate。SheformedasortofCoatofArms，groupedwithasmelling-bottle，ahandkerchief，anorange，abottleofvinegar，Flanders’ssister，herownsister，Flanders’sbrother’swife，andtwoneighbouringgossips-allinmourning，andallreadytoholdherwhenevershefainted。Atsightofpoorlittlemeshebecamemuchagitatedagitatingmemuchmore，andhavingexclaimed，’Ohere’sdearMasterUncommercial！’