[hereheaddressesagentlemanonshore，]“butyouhavetheairofanhonestman。Willyouconferuponmethefavoroftakingchargeofthispocket-bookIknowIcantrustyouandofadvertisingit？
Thenotes，yousee，amounttoaveryconsiderablesum。Theownerwill，nodoubt，insistuponrewardingyouforyourtrouble-
“Me！no，you！itwasyouwhofoundthebook。”
“Well，ifyoumusthaveitsoIwilltakeasmallrewardjusttosatisfyyourscruples。Letmeseewhythesenotesareallhundreds-blessmysoul！ahundredistoomuchtotakefiftywouldbequiteenough，Iamsure-
“Castoffthere！”saysthecaptain。
“ButthenIhavenochangeforahundred，anduponthewhole，youhadbetter-
“Castoffthere！”saysthecaptain。
“Nevermind！”criesthegentlemanonshore，whohasbeenexamininghisownpocket-bookforthelastminuteorso“nevermind！IcanfixithereisafiftyontheBankofNorthAmericathrowthebook。”
Andtheover-conscientiousfindertakesthefiftywithmarkedreluctance，andthrowsthegentlemanthebook，asdesired，whilethesteamboatfumesandfizzesonherway。Inabouthalfanhourafterherdeparture，the“largeamount“isseentobea“counterfeitpresentment。”andthewholethingacapitaldiddle。
Abolddiddleisthis。Acamp-meeting，orsomethingsimilar，istobeheldatacertainspotwhichisaccessibleonlybymeansofafreebridge。Adiddlerstationshimselfuponthisbridge，respectfullyinformsallpassersbyofthenewcountylaw，whichestablishesatollofonecentforfootpassengers，twoforhorsesanddonkeys，andsoforth，andsoforth。Somegrumblebutallsubmit，andthediddlergoeshomeawealthiermanbysomefiftyorsixtydollarswellearned。
Thistakingatollfromagreatcrowdofpeopleisanexcessivelytroublesomething。
Aneatdiddleisthis。Afriendholdsoneofthediddler’spromisestopay，filledupandsignedindueform，upontheordinaryblanksprintedinredink。Thediddlerpurchasesoneortwodozenoftheseblanks，andeverydaydipsoneoftheminhissoup，makeshisdogjumpforit，andfinallygivesittohimasabonnebouche。Thenotearrivingatmaturity，thediddler，withthediddler’sdog，callsuponthefriend，andthepromisetopayismadethetopicofdiscussion。
Thefriendproducesitfromhisescritoire，andisintheactofreachingittothediddler，whenupjumpsthediddler’sdoganddevoursitforthwith。Thediddlerisnotonlysurprisedbutvexedandincensedattheabsurdbehaviorofhisdog，andexpresseshisentirereadinesstocanceltheobligationatanymomentwhentheevidenceoftheobligationshallbeforthcoming。
Averymeandiddleisthis。Aladyisinsultedinthestreetbyadiddler’saccomplice。Thediddlerhimselffliestoherassistance，and，givinghisfriendacomfortablethrashing，insistsuponattendingtheladytoherowndoor。Hebows，withhishanduponhisheart，andmostrespectfullybidsheradieu。Sheentreatshim，asherdeliverer，towalkinandbeintroducedtoherbigbrotherandherpapa。Withasigh，hedeclinestodoso。“Istherenoway，then，sir。”shemurmurs，“inwhichImaybepermittedtotestifymygratitude？”
“Why，yes，madam，thereis。Willyoubekindenoughtolendmeacoupleofshillings？”
Inthefirstexcitementofthemomenttheladydecidesuponfaintingoutright。Uponsecondthought，however，sheopensherpurse-stringsanddeliversthespecie。Nowthis，Isay，isadiddleminuteforoneentiremoietyofthesumborrowedhastobepaidtothegentlemanwhohadthetroubleofperformingtheinsult，andwhohadthentostandstillandbethrashedforperformingit。
Ratherasmallbutstillascientificdiddleisthis。Thediddlerapproachesthebarofatavern，anddemandsacoupleoftwistsoftobacco。Thesearehandedtohim，when，havingslightlyexaminedthem，hesays：
“Idon’tmuchlikethistobacco。Here，takeitback，andgivemeaglassofbrandyandwaterinitsplace。”Thebrandyandwaterisfurnishedandimbibed，andthediddlermakeshiswaytothedoor。Butthevoiceofthetavern-keeperarrestshim。
“Ibelieve，sir，youhaveforgottentopayforyourbrandyandwater。”
“Payformybrandyandwater！didn’tIgiveyouthetobaccoforthebrandyandwater？Whatmorewouldyouhave？”
“But，sir，ifyouplease，Idon’trememberthatyoupaidmeforthetobacco。”
“Whatdoyoumeanbythat，youscoundrel？Didn’tIgiveyoubackyourtobacco？Isn’tthatyourtobaccolyingthere？DoyouexpectmetopayforwhatIdidnottake？”
“But，sir。”saysthepublican，nowratheratalosswhattosay，“butsir-“
“Butmenobuts，sir。”interruptsthediddler，apparentlyinveryhighdudgeon，andslammingthedoorafterhim，ashemakeshisescape。“Butmenobuts，sir，andnoneofyourtricksupontravellers。”
Hereagainisaverycleverdiddle，ofwhichthesimplicityisnotitsleastrecommendation。Apurse，orpocket-book，beingreallylost，theloserinsertsinoneofthedailypapersofalargecityafullydescriptiveadvertisement。
Whereuponourdiddlercopiesthefactsofthisadvertisement，withachangeofheading，ofgeneralphraseologyandaddress。Theoriginal，forinstance，islong，andverbose，isheaded“APocket-BookLost！”
andrequiresthetreasure，whenfound，tobeleftatNo。1TomStreet。Thecopyisbrief，andbeingheadedwith“Lost“only，indicatesNo。2Dick，orNo。3HarryStreet，asthelocalityatwhichtheownermaybeseen。Moreover，itisinsertedinatleastfiveorsixofthedailypapersoftheday，whileinpointoftime，itmakesitsappearanceonlyafewhoursaftertheoriginal。Shoulditbereadbytheloserofthepurse，hewouldhardlysuspectittohaveanyreferencetohisownmisfortune。But，ofcourse，thechancesarefiveorsixtoone，thatthefinderwillrepairtotheaddressgivenbythediddler，ratherthantothatpointedoutbytherightfulproprietor。Theformerpaysthereward，pocketsthetreasureanddecamps。
Quiteananalogousdiddleisthis。Aladyoftonhasdropped，somewhereinthestreet，adiamondringofveryunusualvalue。Foritsrecovery，sheofferssomefortyorfiftydollarsrewardgiving，inheradvertisement，averyminutedescriptionofthegem，andofitssettings，anddeclaringthat，onitsrestorationatNo。soandso，insuchandsuchAvenue，therewardwouldbepaidinstanter，withoutasinglequestionbeingasked。Duringthelady’sabsencefromhome，adayortwoafterwards，aringisheardatthedoorofNo。soandso，insuchandsuchAvenue；aservantappears；theladyofthehouseisaskedforandisdeclaredtobeout，atwhichastoundinginformation，thevisitorexpressesthemostpoignantregret。Hisbusinessisofimportanceandconcernstheladyherself。Infact，hehadthegoodfortunetofindherdiamondring。Butperhapsitwouldbeaswellthatheshouldcallagain。“Bynomeans！”saystheservant；and“Bynomeans！”saysthelady’ssisterandthelady’ssister-in-law，whoaresummonedforthwith。Theringisclamorouslyidentified，therewardispaid，andthefindernearlythrustoutofdoors。Theladyreturnsandexpressessomelittledissatisfactionwithhersisterandsister-in-law，becausetheyhappentohavepaidfortyorfiftydollarsforafac-simileofherdiamondringafac-similemadeoutofrealpinch-beckandunquestionablepaste。
Butasthereisreallynoendtodiddling，sotherewouldbenonetothisessay，wereIeventohintathalfthevariations，orinflections，ofwhichthisscienceissusceptible。Imustbringthispaper，perforce，toaconclusion，andthisIcannotdobetterthanbyasummarynoticeofaverydecent，butratherelaboratediddle，ofwhichourowncitywasmadethetheatre，notverylongago，andwhichwassubsequentlyrepeatedwithsuccess，inotherstillmoreverdantlocalitiesoftheUnion。Amiddle-agedgentlemanarrivesintownfrompartsunknown。Heisremarkablyprecise，cautious，staid，anddeliberateinhisdemeanor。Hisdressisscrupulouslyneat，butplain，unostentatious。Hewearsawhitecravat，anamplewaistcoat，madewithaneyetocomfortalone；thick-soledcosy-lookingshoes，andpantaloonswithoutstraps。Hehasthewholeair，infact，ofyourwell-to-do，sober-sided，exact，andrespectable“manofbusiness。”
Parexcellenceoneofthesternandoutwardlyhard，internallysoft，sortofpeoplethatweseeinthecrackhighcomedies
fellowswhosewordsaresomanybonds，andwhoarenotedforgivingawayguineas，incharity，withtheonehand，while，inthewayofmerebargain，theyexacttheuttermostfractionofafarthingwiththeother。
Hemakesmuchadobeforehecangetsuitedwithaboardinghouse。Hedislikeschildren。Hehasbeenaccustomedtoquiet。Hishabitsaremethodicalandthenhewouldprefergettingintoaprivateandrespectablesmallfamily，piouslyinclined。Terms，however，arenoobjectonlyhemustinsistuponsettlinghisbillonthefirstofeverymonth，itisnowthesecondandbegshislandlady，whenhefinallyobtainsonetohismind，notonanyaccounttoforgethisinstructionsuponthispointbuttosendinabill，andreceipt，preciselyatteno’clock，onthefirstdayofeverymonth，andundernocircumstancestoputitofftothesecond。
Thesearrangementsmade，ourmanofbusinessrentsanofficeinareputableratherthanafashionablequarterofthetown。Thereisnothinghemoredespisesthanpretense。“Wherethereismuchshow。”
hesays，“thereisseldomanythingverysolidbehind“anobservationwhichsoprofoundlyimpresseshislandlady’sfancy，thatshemakesapencilmemorandumofitforthwith，inhergreatfamilyBible，onthebroadmarginoftheProverbsofSolomon。
Thenextstepistoadvertise，aftersomesuchfashionasthis，intheprincipalbusinesssix-penniesofthecitythepenniesareeschewedasnot“respectable“andasdemandingpaymentforalladvertisementsinadvance。Ourmanofbusinessholdsitasapointofhisfaiththatworkshouldneverbepaidforuntildone。
“WANTEDTheadvertisers，beingabouttocommenceextensivebusinessoperationsinthiscity，willrequiretheservicesofthreeorfourintelligentandcompetentclerks，towhomaliberalsalarywillbepaid。Theverybestrecommendations，notsomuchforcapacity，asforintegrity，willbeexpected。Indeed，asthedutiestobeperformedinvolvehighresponsibilities，andlargeamountsofmoneymustnecessarilypassthroughthehandsofthoseengaged，itisdeemedadvisabletodemandadepositoffiftydollarsfromeachclerkemployed。Nopersonneedapply，therefore，whoisnotpreparedtoleavethissuminthepossessionoftheadvertisers，andwhocannotfurnishthemostsatisfactorytestimonialsofmorality。Younggentlemenpiouslyinclinedwillbepreferred。ApplicationshouldbemadebetweenthehoursoftenandelevenA。M。，andfourandfiveP。
M。，ofMessrs。
“Bogs，HogsLogs，Frogs&Co。，“No。110DogStreet“
Bythethirty-firstdayofthemonth，thisadvertisementhasbroughttotheofficeofMessrs。Bogs，Hogs，Logs，Frogs，andCompany，somefifteenortwentyyounggentlemenpiouslyinclined。Butourmanofbusinessisinnohurrytoconcludeacontractwithanynomanofbusinessiseverprecipitateanditisnotuntilthemostrigidcatechisminrespecttothepietyofeachyounggentleman’sinclination，thathisservicesareengagedandhisfiftydollarsreceiptedfor，justbywayofproperprecaution，onthepartoftherespectablefirmofBogs，Hogs，Logs，Frogs，andCompany。Onthemorningofthefirstdayofthenextmonth，thelandladydoesnotpresentherbill，accordingtopromiseapieceofneglectforwhichthecomfortableheadofthehouseendinginogswouldnodoubthavechidedherseverely，couldhehavebeenprevailedupontoremainintownadayortwoforthatpurpose。
Asitis，theconstableshavehadasadtimeofit，runninghitherandthither，andalltheycandoistodeclarethemanofbusinessmostemphatically，a“henkneehigh“bywhichsomepersonsimaginethemtoimplythat，infact，heisn。e。i。bywhichagaintheveryclassicalphrasenonestinventus，issupposedtobeunderstood。
Inthemeantimetheyounggentlemen，oneandall，aresomewhatlesspiouslyinclinedthanbefore，whilethelandladypurchasesashilling’sworthoftheIndianrubber，andverycarefullyobliteratesthepencilmemorandumthatsomefoolhasmadeinhergreatfamilyBible，onthebroadmarginoftheProverbsofSolomon。