ITwasachillyNovemberafternoon。Ihadjustconsummatedanunusuallyheartydinner，ofwhichthedyspeptic_truffe_formednottheleastimportantitem，andwassittingaloneinthedining-room，withmyfeetuponthefender，andatmyelbowasmalltablewhichI
hadrolleduptothefire，anduponwhichweresomeapologiesfordessert，withsomemiscellaneousbottlesofwine，spiritand_liqueur_。InthemorningIhadbeenreadingGlover’s“Leonidas。”
Wilkie’s“Epigoniad。”Lamartine’s“Pilgrimage。”Barlow’s“Columbiad。”
Tuckermann’s“Sicily。”andGriswold’s“Curiosities“；Iamwillingtoconfess，therefore，thatInowfeltalittlestupid。ImadeefforttoarousemyselfbyaidoffrequentLafitte，and，allfailing，Ibetookmyselftoastraynewspaperindespair。Havingcarefullyperusedthecolumnof“housestolet。”andthecolumnof“dogslost。”
andthenthetwocolumnsof“wivesandapprenticesrunaway。”I
attackedwithgreatresolutiontheeditorialmatter，and，readingitfrombeginningtoendwithoutunderstandingasyllable，conceivedthepossibilityofitsbeingChinese，andsore-readitfromtheendtothebeginning，butwithnomoresatisfactoryresult。Iwasaboutthrowingaway，indisgust，“Thisfoliooffourpages，happyworkWhichnotevencriticscriticise。”
whenIfeltmyattentionsomewhatarousedbytheparagraphwhichfollows：
“Theavenuestodeatharenumerousandstrange。ALondonpapermentionsthedeceaseofapersonfromasingularcause。Hewasplayingat’puffthedart，’whichisplayedwithalongneedleinsertedinsomeworsted，andblownatatargetthroughatintube。
Heplacedtheneedleatthewrongendofthetube，anddrawinghisbreathstronglytopuffthedartforwardwithforce，drewtheneedleintohisthroat。Itenteredthelungs，andinafewdayskilledhim。”
UponseeingthisIfellintoagreatrage，withoutexactlyknowingwhy。“Thisthing。”Iexclaimed，“isacontemptiblefalsehood-apoorhoax-theleesoftheinventionofsomepitiablepenny-a-liner-ofsomewretchedconcoctorofaccidentsinCocaigne。
Thesefellows，knowingtheextravagantgullibilityoftheage，settheirwitstoworkintheimaginationofimprobablepossibilities-
ofoddaccidents，astheytermthem；buttoareflectingintellectlikemine。”Iadded，inparenthesis，puttingmyforefingerunconsciouslytothesideofmynose，“toacontemplativeunderstandingsuchasImyselfpossess，itseemsevidentatoncethatthemarvelousincreaseoflateinthese’oddaccidents’isbyfartheoddestaccidentofall。Formyownpart，Iintendtobelievenothinghenceforwardthathasanythingofthe’singular’aboutit。”
“MeinGott，den，vatavoolyoubeesfordat！”repliedoneofthemostremarkablevoicesIeverheard。AtfirstItookitforarumblinginmyears-suchasamansometimesexperienceswhengettingverydrunk-but，uponsecondthought，Iconsideredthesoundasmorenearlyresemblingthatwhichproceedsfromanemptybarrelbeatenwithabigstick；and，infact，thisIshouldhaveconcludedittobe，butforthearticulationofthesyllablesandwords。Iambynomeansnaturallynervous，andtheveryfewglassesofLafittewhichIhadsippedservedtoemboldenmenolittle，sothatIfeltnothingoftrepidation，butmerelyupliftedmyeyeswithaleisurelymovement，andlookedcarefullyaroundtheroomfortheintruder。I
couldnot，however，perceiveanyoneatall。
“Humph！”resumedthevoice，asIcontinuedmysurvey，“youmuspesodronkasdepig，den，fornotzeemeasIzithereatyourzide。”
HereuponIbethoughtmeoflookingimmediatelybeforemynose，andthere，sureenough，confrontingmeatthetablesatapersonagenondescript，althoughnotaltogetherindescribable。Hisbodywasawine-pipe，orarum-puncheon，orsomethingofthatcharacter，andhadatrulyFalstaffianair。Initsnetherextremitywereinsertedtwokegs，whichseemedtoanswerallthepurposesoflegs。Forarmstheredangledfromtheupperportionofthecarcasstwotolerablylongbottles，withthenecksoutwardforhands。AlltheheadthatI
sawthemonsterpossessedofwasoneofthoseHessiancanteenswhichresemblealargesnuff-boxwithaholeinthemiddleofthelid。
Thiscanteenwithafunnelonitstop，likeacavaliercapslouchedovertheeyeswassetonedgeuponthepuncheon，withtheholetowardmyself；andthroughthishole，whichseemedpuckereduplikethemouthofaverypreciseoldmaid，thecreaturewasemittingcertainrumblingandgrumblingnoiseswhichheevidentlyintendedforintelligibletalk。
“Izay。”saidhe，“youmospedronkasdepig，vorzitdareandnotzeemezitere；andIzay，doo，youmospepiggervoolasdegoose，vortodispeliefvatizprintindeprint。’Tizdetroof-
datitiz-eberryvordobit。”
“Whoareyou，pray？”saidI，withmuchdignity，althoughsomewhatpuzzled；“howdidyougethere？andwhatisityouaretalkingabout？”
“AzvorowIcom’dere。”repliedthefigure，“datiznoneofyourpizzness；andasvorvatIbetalkingapout，IbetalkapoutvatI
tinkproper；andasvorwhoIbe，vydatisdeverytingIcom’dherefortoletyouzeeforyourzelf。”
“Youareadrunkenvagabond。”saidI，“andIshallringthebellandordermyfootmantokickyouintothestreet。”
“He！he！he！”saidthefellow，“hu！hu！hu！datyoucan’tdo。”
“Can’tdo！”saidI，“whatdoyoumean？-Ican’tdowhat？”
“Ringdepell；“hereplied，attemptingagrinwithhislittlevillanousmouth。
UponthisImadeanefforttogetup，inordertoputmythreatintoexecution；buttheruffianjustreachedacrossthetableverydeliberately，andhittingmeatapontheforeheadwiththeneckofoneofthelongbottles，knockedmebackintothearm-chairfromwhichIhadhalfarisen。Iwasutterlyastounded；and，foramoment，wasquiteatalosswhattodo。Inthemeantime，hecontinuedhistalk。
“Youzee。”saidhe，“itiztebessvorzitstill；andnowyoushallknowwhoIpe。Lookatme！zee！Iamte_AngelovteOdd_。”
“Andoddenough，too。”Iventuredtoreply；“butIwasalwaysundertheimpressionthatanangelhadwings。”
“Tewing！”hecried，highlyincensed，“vatIpedomittewing？MeinGott！doyoutakemevorashicken？”
“No-ohno！”Ireplied，muchalarmed，“youarenochicken-
certainlynot。”
“Well，den，zitstillandpehabeyourself，orI’llrapyouagainmidmevist。Itizteshickenabtewing，undteowlabtewing，undteimpabtewing，undtehead-teuffelabtewing。Teangelab_not_
tewing，andIamte_AngelovteOdd_。”
“Andyourbusinesswithmeatpresentis-is“-
“Mypizzness！”ejaculatedthething，“vyvatalowbredbuppyyoumospevortoaskagentlemanundanangelapouthispizziness！”
ThislanguagewasrathermorethanIcouldbear，evenfromanangel；so，pluckingupcourage，Iseizedasalt-cellarwhichlaywithinreach，andhurleditattheheadoftheintruder。Eitherhedodged，however，ormyaimwasinaccurate；forallIaccomplishedwasthedemolitionofthecrystalwhichprotectedthedialoftheclockuponthemantel-piece。AsfortheAngel，heevincedhissenseofmyassaultbygivingmetwoorthreehardconsecutiverapsupontheforeheadasbefore。Thesereducedmeatoncetosubmission，andIamalmostashamedtoconfessthateitherthroughpainorvexation，therecameafewtearsintomyeyes。
“MeinGott！”saidtheAngeloftheOdd，apparentlymuchsoftenedatmydistress；“meinGott，temanisederferrydronkorferryzorry。Youmosnottrinkitsostrong-youmosputtewaterintewine。Here，trinkdis，likeagootveller，unddon’tgrynow-don’t！”
HereupontheAngeloftheOddreplenishedmygobletwhichwasaboutathirdfullofPortwithacolorlessfluidthathepouredfromoneofhishandbottles。Iobservedthatthesebottleshadlabelsabouttheirnecks，andthattheselabelswereinscribed“Kirschenwasser。”
TheconsideratekindnessoftheAngelmollifiedmeinnolittlemeasure；and，aidedbythewaterwithwhichhedilutedmyPortmorethanonce，Iatlengthregainedsufficienttempertolistentohisveryextraordinarydiscourse。Icannotpretendtorecountallthathetoldme，butIgleanedfromwhathesaidthathewasthegeniuswhopresidedoverthe_contretemps_ofmankind，andwhosebusinessitwastobringaboutthe_oddaccidents_whicharecontinuallyastonishingtheskeptic。Onceortwice，uponmyventuringtoexpressmytotalincredulityinrespecttohispretensions，hegrewveryangryindeed，sothatatlengthIconsidereditthewiserpolicytosaynothingatall，andlethimhavehisownway。Hetalkedon，therefore，atgreatlength，whileImerelyleanedbackinmychairwithmyeyesshut，andamusedmyselfwithmunchingraisinsandfillipingthestemsabouttheroom。But，by-and-by，theAngelsuddenlyconstruedthisbehaviorofmineintocontempt。Hearoseinaterriblepassion，slouchedhisfunneldownoverhiseyes，sworeavastoath，utteredathreatofsomecharacterwhichIdidnotpreciselycomprehend，andfinallymademealowbowanddeparted，wishingme，inthelanguageofthearchbishopinGil-Blas，“_beaucoupdebonheuretunpeuplusdebonsens_。”
Hisdepartureaffordedmerelief。The_very_fewglassesofLafittethatIhadsippedhadtheeffectofrenderingmedrowsy，andIfeltinclinedtotakeanapofsomefifteenortwentyminutes，asismycustomafterdinner。AtsixIhadanappointmentofconsequence，whichitwasquiteindispensablethatIshouldkeep。
Thepolicyofinsuranceformydwellinghousehadexpiredthedaybefore；and，somedisputehavingarisen，itwasagreedthat，atsix，Ishouldmeettheboardofdirectorsofthecompanyandsettlethetermsofarenewal。Glancingupwardattheclockonthemantel-piece，forIfelttoodrowsytotakeoutmywatch，IhadthepleasuretofindthatIhadstilltwenty-fiveminutestospare。Itwashalfpastfive；Icouldeasilywalktotheinsuranceofficeinfiveminutes；andmyusualsiestashadneverbeenknowntoexceedfiveandtwenty。Ifeltsufficientlysafe，therefore，andcomposedmyselftomyslumbersforthwith。
Havingcompletedthemtomysatisfaction，Iagainlookedtowardthetime-pieceandwashalfinclinedtobelieveinthepossibilityofoddaccidentswhenIfoundthat，insteadofmyordinaryfifteenortwentyminutes，Ihadbeendozingonlythree；foritstillwantedsevenandtwentyoftheappointedhour。Ibetookmyselfagaintomynap，andatlengthasecondtimeawoke，when，tomyutteramazement，it_still_wantedtwenty-sevenminutesofsix。Ijumpeduptoexaminetheclock，andfoundthatithadceasedrunning。Mywatchinformedmethatitwashalfpastseven；and，ofcourse，havingslepttwohours，Iwastoolateformyappointment。“Itwillmakenodifference。”Isaid：“Icancallattheofficeinthemorningandapologize；inthemeantimewhatcanbethematterwiththeclock？”
UponexaminingitIdiscoveredthatoneoftheraisinstemswhichI
hadbeenfillipingabouttheroomduringthediscourseoftheAngeloftheOdd，hadflownthroughthefracturedcrystal，andlodging，singularlyenough，inthekey-hole，withanendprojectingoutward，hadthusarrestedtherevolutionoftheminutehand。
“Ah！”saidI，“Iseehowitis。Thisthingspeaksforitself。
Anaturalaccident，suchas_will_happennowandthen！”
Igavethematternofurtherconsideration，andatmyusualhourretiredtobed。Here，havingplacedacandleuponareadingstandatthebedhead，andhavingmadeanattempttoperusesomepagesofthe“OmnipresenceoftheDeity。”Iunfortunatelyfellasleepinlessthantwentyseconds，leavingthelightburningasitwas。
MydreamswereterrificallydisturbedbyvisionsoftheAngeloftheOdd。Methoughthestoodatthefootofthecouch，drewasidethecurtains，and，inthehollow，detestabletonesofarumpuncheon，menacedmewiththebitterestvengeanceforthecontemptwithwhichI
hadtreatedhim。Heconcludedalongharanguebytakingoffhisfunnel-cap，insertingthetubeintomygullet，andthusdelugingmewithanoceanofKirschenw鋝ser，whichhepoured，inacontinuousflood，fromoneofthelongneckedbottlesthatstoodhiminsteadofanarm。Myagonywasatlengthinsufferable，andIawokejustintimetoperceivethatarathadranoffwiththelightedcandlefromthestand，but_not_inseasontopreventhismakinghisescapewithitthroughthehole。Verysoon，astrongsuffocatingodorassailedmynostrils；thehouse，Iclearlyperceived，wasonfire。Inafewminutestheblazebrokeforthwithviolence，andinanincrediblybriefperiodtheentirebuildingwaswrappedinflames。Allegressfrommychamber，exceptthroughawindow，wascutoff。Thecrowd，however，quicklyprocuredandraisedalongladder。BymeansofthisIwasdescendingrapidly，andinapparentsafety，whenahugehog，aboutwhoserotundstomach，andindeedaboutwhosewholeairandphysiognomy，therewassomethingwhichremindedmeoftheAngeloftheOdd，-whenthishog，Isay，whichhithertohadbeenquietlyslumberinginthemud，tookitsuddenlyintohisheadthathisleftshoulderneededscratching，andcouldfindnomoreconvenientrubbing-postthanthataffordedbythefootoftheladder。InaninstantIwasprecipitatedandhadthemisfortunetofracturemyarm。