\"Dearme，\"saidI，\"howveryextraordinary！Doyouthinkthatyourgoingtosleepiscausedbythemeadoworthebook？\"\"Isupposebyboth，\"saidmynewacquaintance，\"actinginco—operation。\"\"Itmaybeso，\"saidI；\"themagicinfluencedoescertainlynotproceedfromthemeadowalone；
forsinceIhavebeenhere，Ihavenotfelttheslightestinclinationtosleep。Doesthebookconsistofproseorpoetry？\"\"Itconsistsofpoetry，\"saidtheindividual。\"NotByron’s？\"saidI。\"Byron’s！\"repeatedtheindividual，withasmileofcontempt；\"no，no；thereisnothingnarcoticinByron’spoetry。Idon’tlikeit。Iusedtoreadit，butitthrilled，agitated，andkeptmeawake。No；thisisnotByron’spoetry，buttheinimitable—’s\"—mentioninganamewhichIhadneverheardtillthen。\"Willyoupermitmetolookatit？\"saidI。\"Withpleasure，\"heanswered，politelyhandingmethebook。Itookthevolume，andglancedoverthecontents。Itwaswritteninblankverse，andappearedtoaboundindescriptionsofscenery；therewasmuchmentionofmountains，valleys，streams，andwaterfalls，harebellsanddaffodils。Thesedescriptionswereinterspersedwithdialogues，which，thoughtheyproceededfromthemouthsofpedlarsandrustics，wereofthemostedifyingdescription；
mostlyonsubjectsmoralormetaphysical，andcouchedinthemostgentlemanlyandunexceptionablelanguage，withouttheslightestmixtureofvulgarity，coarseness，orpie—baldgrammar。Suchappearedtometobethecontentsofthebook；
butbeforeIcouldformaveryclearideaofthem，Ifoundmyselfnodding，andasurprisingdesiretosleepcomingoverme。Rousingmyself，however，byastrongeffort，Iclosedthebook，and，returningittotheowner，inquiredofhim，\"Whetherhehadanymotiveincomingandlyingdowninthemeadow，besidesthewishofenjoyingsleep？\"\"Nonewhatever，\"hereplied；\"indeed，Ishouldbeverygladnottobecompelledtodoso，alwaysprovidedIcouldenjoytheblessingofsleep；forbylyingdownundertrees，Imaypossiblycatchtherheumatism，orbestungbyserpents；and，moreover，intherainyseasonandwinterthethingwillbeimpossible，unlessIerectatent，whichwillpossiblydestroythecharm。\"\"Well，\"saidI，\"youneedgiveyourselfnofurthertroubleaboutcominghere，asIamfullyconvincedthatwiththisbookinyourhand，youmaygotosleepanywhere，asyourfriendwasdoubtlessaware，thoughhewishedtointerestyourimaginationforatimebypersuadingyoutolieabroad；therefore，infuture，wheneveryoufeeldisposedtosleep，trytoreadthebook，andyouwillbesoundasleepinaminute；thenarcoticinfluenceliesinthebook，andnotinthefield。\"\"Iwillfollowyouradvice，\"
saidtheindividual；\"andthisverynighttakeitwithmetobed；thoughIhopeintimetobeabletosleepwithoutit，mynervesbeingalreadymuchquietedfromtheslumbersIhaveenjoyedinthisfield。\"Hethenmovedtowardsthegate，whereweparted；hegoingoneway，andIandmyhorsetheother。
Morethantwentyyearssubsequenttothisperiod，aftermuchwanderingabouttheworld，returningtomynativecountry，I
wasinvitedtoaliterarytea—party，where，thediscourseturninguponpoetry，I，inordertoshowthatIwasnotmoreignorantthanmyneighbours，begantotalkaboutByron，forwhosewritingsIreallyentertainedconsiderableadmiration，thoughIhadnoparticularesteemforthemanhimself。Atfirst，IreceivednoanswertowhatIsaid—thecompanymerelysurveyingmewithakindofsleepystare。Atlengthalady，abouttheageofforty，withalargewartonherface，observed，inadrawlingtone，\"ThatshehadnotreadByron—
atleast，sincehergirlhood—andthenonlyafewpassages；
butthattheimpressiononhermindwas，thathiswritingswereofahighlyobjectionablecharacter。\"\"Ialsoreadalittleofhiminmyboyhood，\"saidagentlemanaboutsixty，butwhoevidently，fromhisdressanddemeanour，wishedtoappearaboutthirty，\"butIhighlydisapprovedofhim；for，notwithstandinghewasanobleman，heisfrequentlyverycoarse，andveryfondofraisingemotion。NowemotioniswhatIdislike；\"drawlingoutthelastsyllableoftheworddislike。\"Thereisonlyonepoetforme—thedivine—\"andthenhementionedanamewhichIhadonlyonceheard，andafterwardsquiteforgotten；thesamementionedbythesnorerinthefield。\"Ah！thereisnoonelikehim！\"murmuredsomemoreofthecompany；\"thepoetofnature—ofnaturewithoutitsvulgarity。\"Iwishedverymuchtoaskthesepeoplewhethertheywereeverbadsleepers，andwhethertheyhadreadthepoet，socalled，fromadesireofbeingsettosleep。Withinafewdays，however，Ilearntthatithadoflatebecomeveryfashionableandgenteeltoappearhalfasleep，andthatonecouldexhibitnobettermarkofsuperfinebreedingthanbyoccasionallyincompanysettingone’srhomalorganinaction。Ithenceasedtowonderatthepopularity，whichIfoundnearlyuniversal，of—’spoetry；
for，certainlyinordertomakeone’sselfappearsleepyincompany，oroccasionallytoinducesleep，nothingcouldbemoreefficaciousthanaslightprelectionofhispoems。SopoorByron，withhisfireandemotion—tosaynothingofhismouthingsandcoxcombry—wasdethroned，asIprophesiedhewouldbemorethantwentyyearsbefore，onthedayofhisfuneral，thoughIhadlittleideathathishumiliationwouldhavebeenbroughtaboutbyone，whosesolestrengthconsistsinsettingpeopletosleep。Well，allthingsaredoomedtoterminateinsleep。Beforethattermination，however，Iwillventuretoprophesythatpeoplewillbecomealittlemoreawake—snoringandyawningbealittlelessinfashion—andpoorByronbeoncemorereinstatedonhisthrone，thoughhisrivalwillalwaysstandagoodchanceofbeingworshippedbythosewhoseruinednervesareinsensibletothenarcoticpowersofopiumandmorphine。
CHAPTERXXIII
DriversandFrontOutsidePassengers—FatigueofBodyandMind—UnexpectedGreeting—MyInn—TheGovernor—
Engagement。
ICONTINUEDmyjourney，passingthroughoneortwovillages。
Thedaywasexceedinglyhot，andtheroadsdusty。Inordertocausemyhorseaslittlefatigueaspossible，andnottochafehisback，Iledhimbythebridle，mydoingwhichbroughtuponmeashowerofremarks，jests，andwould—bewitticismsfromthedriversandfrontoutsidepassengersofsundrystage—coacheswhichpassedmeinonedirectionortheother。InthiswayIproceededtillconsiderablypastnoon，whenIfeltmyselfveryfatigued，andmyhorseappearednolessso；anditisprobablethatthelazyandlistlessmannerinwhichweweremovingon，tiredusbothmuchmoreeffectuallythanhurryingalongataswifttrotwouldhavedone，forIhaveobservedthatwhentheenergiesofthebodyarenotexertedalanguorfrequentlycomesoverit。Atlengtharrivingataverylargebuildingwithanarchway，neartheentranceofatown，Isatdownonwhatappearedtobeastepping—block，andpresentlyexperiencedagreatdepressionofspirits。IbegantoaskmyselfwhitherIwasgoing，andwhatIshoulddowithmyselfandthehorsewhichI
heldbythebridle？ItappearedtomethatIwasaloneintheworldwiththepooranimal，wholookedforsupporttome，whoknewnothowtosupportmyself。ThentheimageofIsopelBernerscameintomymind，andwhenIthoughthowIhadlostherforever，andhowhappyImighthavebeenwithherintheNewWorldhadshenotdesertedme，Ibecameyetmoremiserable。
AsIsatinthisstateofmind，Isuddenlyfeltsomeoneclapmeontheshoulder，andheardavoicesay，\"Ha！comradeofthedingle，whatchancehasbroughtyouintotheseparts？\"I
turnedround，andbeheldamaninthedressofapostillion，whomIinstantlyrecognizedashetowhomIhadrenderedassistanceonthenightofthestorm。
\"Ah！\"saidI，\"isityou？Iamgladtoseeyou，forIwasfeelingverylonelyandmelancholy。\"
\"Lonelyandmelancholy，\"hereplied，\"howisthat？howcananyonebelonelyandmelancholywithsuchanoblehorseasthatyouholdbythebridle？\"
\"Thehorse，\"saidI，\"isonecauseofmymelancholy，forI
knownotintheworldwhattodowithit。\"
\"Itisyourown？\"
\"Yes，\"saidI，\"Imaycallitmyown，thoughIborrowedthemoneytopurchaseit。\"
\"Well，whydon’tyousellit？\"
\"Itisnotalwayseasytofindapurchaserforahorselikethis，\"saidI；\"canyourecommendmeone？\"
\"I？Whyno，notexactly；butyou’llfindapurchasershortly—pooh！ifyouhavenoothercausefordisquietthanthathorse，cheerup，man，don’tbecastdown。Haveyounothingelseonyourmind？Bythebye，what’sbecomeoftheyoungwomanyouwerekeepingcompanywithinthatqueerlodgingplaceofyours？\"
\"Shehasleftme，\"saidI。
\"Youquarrelled，Isuppose？\"
\"No，\"saidI，\"wedidnotexactlyquarrel，butweareparted。\"
\"Well，\"repliedhe，\"butyouwillsooncometogetheragain。\"
\"No，\"saidI，\"wearepartedforever。\"
\"Forever！Pooh！youlittleknowhowpeoplesometimescometogetheragainwhothinktheyarepartedforever。Here’ssomethingonthatpointrelatingtomyself。Youremember，whenItoldyoumystoryinthatdingleofyours，thatI
mentionedayoungwoman，myfellow—servantwhenIlivedwiththeEnglishfamilyinMumboJumbo’stown，andhowsheandI，whenourfoolishgovernorswerethinkingofchangingtheirreligion，agreedtostandbyeachother，andbetruetooldChurchofEngland，andtogiveourgovernorswarning，providedtheytriedtomakeusrenegades。Well，sheandI
partedsoonafterthat，andnevertomeetagain，yetwemettheotherdayinthefields，forshelatelycametolivewithagreatfamilynotfarfromhere，andwehavesinceagreedtomarry，totakealittlefarm，forwehavebothatrifleofmoney，andlivetogethertill’deathusdopart。’Somuchforpartingforever！ButwhatdoImeanbykeepingyoubroilinginthesunwithyourhorse’sbridleinyourhand，andyouonmyownground？Doyouknowwhereyouare？Why，thatgreathouseismyinn，thatis，it’smymaster’s，thebestfellowin—。Comealong，youandyourhorsebothwillfindawelcomeatmyinn。\"
Thereuponheledthewayintoalargecourtinwhichtherewerecoaches，chaises，andagreatmanypeople；takingmyhorsefromme，heleditintoanicecoolstall，andfastenedittotherack—hethenconductedmeintoapostillion’skeeping—room，whichatthattimechancedtobeempty，andhethenfetchedapotofbeerandsatdownbyme。
AfteralittleconversationheaskedmewhatIintendedtodo，andItoldhimfranklythatIdidnotknow；whereuponheobservedthat，providedIhadnoobjection，hehadlittledoubtthatIcouldbeaccommodatedforsometimeathisinn。
\"Ourupperostler，\"saidhe，\"diedaboutaweekago；hewasacleverfellow，and，besideshistrade，understoodreadingandaccounts。\"
\"Dearme，\"saidI，interruptinghim，\"Iamnotfittedfortheplaceofostler—moreover，Irefusedtheplaceofostleratapublic—house，whichwasofferedtomeonlyafewdaysago。\"
Thepostillionburstintoalaugh。\"Ostleratapublic—
house，indeed！why，youwouldnotcompareaberthataplacelikethatwiththesituationofostleratmyinn，thefirstroad—houseinEngland！However，Iwasnotthinkingoftheplaceofostlerforyou；youare，asyousay，notfittedforit，atanyrate，notatahouselikethis。Wehave，moreover，thebestunder—ostlerinallEngland—oldBill，withthedrawbackthatheisratherfondofdrink。Wecouldmakeshiftwithhimverywell，providedwecouldfallinwithamanofwritingandfigures，whocouldgiveanaccountofthehayandcornwhichcomesinandgoesout，andwouldn’tobjecttogivealookoccasionallyattheyard。Nowitappearstomethatyouarejustsuchakindofman，and，ifyouwillallowmetospeaktothegovernor，Idon’tdoubtthathewillgladlytakeyou，ashefeelskindlydisposedtowardsyoufromwhathehasheardmesayconcerningyou。\"
\"AndwhatshouldIdowithmyhorse？\"saidI。
\"Thehorseneedgiveyounouneasiness，\"saidthepostillion；
\"Iknowhewillbewelcomeherebothforbedandmanger，and，perhaps，inalittletimeyoumayfindapurchaser，asavastnumberofsportingpeoplefrequentthishouse。\"Iofferedtwoorthreemoreobjections，whichthepostillionovercamewithgreatforceofargument，andthepotbeingnearlyempty，hedrainedittothebottomdrop，andthenstartingup，leftmealone。
Inabouttwentyminuteshereturned，accompaniedbyahighlyintelligent—lookingindividual，dressedinblueandblack，withaparticularlywhitecravat，andwithoutahatonhishead：thisindividual，whomIshouldhavemistakenforagentlemanbutfortheintelligencedepictedinhisface，heintroducedtomeasthemasteroftheinn。Themasteroftheinnshookmewarmlybythehand，toldmethathewashappytoseemeinhishouse，andthankedmeinthehandsomesttermsforthekindnessIhadshowntohisservantintheaffairofthethunderstorm。ThensayingthathewasinformedIwasoutofemploy，heassuredmethatheshouldbemosthappytoengagemetokeephishayandcornaccount，andasgeneralsuperintendentoftheyard，andthatwithrespecttothehorse，whichhewastoldIhad，hebeggedtoinformmethatI
wasperfectlyatlibertytokeepitattheinnupontheverybest，untilIcouldfindapurchaser，—thatwithregardtowages—buthehadnosoonermentionedwagesthanIcuthimshort，saying，thatprovidedIstayedIshouldbemosthappytoservehimforbedandboard，andrequestedthathewouldallowmeuntilthenextmorningtoconsiderofhisoffer；hewillinglyconsentedtomyrequest，and，beggingthatIwouldcallforanythingIpleased，leftmealonewiththepostillion。
Ipassedthatnightuntilaboutteno’clockwiththepostillion，whenheleftme，havingtodriveafamilyabouttenmilesacrossthecountry；beforehisdeparture，however，ItoldhimthatIhaddeterminedtoaccepttheofferofhisgovernor，ashecalledhim。AtthebottomofmyheartIwasmosthappythatanofferhadbeenmade，whichsecuredtomyselfandtheanimalacomfortableretreatatamomentwhenIknewnotwhitherintheworldtotakemyselfandhim。
CHAPTERXXIV
AnInnofTimesgoneby—AFirst—ratePublican—HayandCorn—Old—fashionedOstler—Highwaymen—MountedPolice—
Grooming。
THEinn，ofwhichIhadbecomeaninhabitant，wasaplaceofinfinitelifeandbustle。Travellersofalldescriptions，fromallthecardinalpoints，werecontinuallystoppingatit；andtoattendtotheirwants，andministertotheirconvenience，anarmyofservants，ofonedescriptionorother，waskept；waiters，chambermaids，grooms，postillions，shoe—blacks，cooks，scullions，andwhatnot，fortherewasabarberandhair—dresser，whohadbeenatParis，andtalkedFrenchwithacockneyaccent；theFrenchsoundingallthebetter，asnoaccentissomelodiousasthecockney。Jackscreakedinthekitchensturningroundspits，onwhichlargejointsofmeatpipedandsmokedbeforegreatbigfires。
Therewasrunningupanddownstairs，andalonggalleries，slammingofdoors，criesof\"Coming，sir，\"and\"Pleasetostepthisway，ma’am，\"duringeighteenhoursofthefour—and—
twenty。Trulyaverygreatplaceforlifeandbustlewasthisinn。Andofteninafterlife，whenlonelyandmelancholy，IhavecalledupthetimeIspentthere，andneverfailedtobecomecheerfulfromtherecollection。
Ifoundthemasterofthehouseaverykindandcivilperson。
Beforebeinganinn—keeperhehadbeeninsomeotherlineofbusiness；butonthedeathoftheformerproprietoroftheinnhadmarriedhiswidow，whowasstillalive，but，beingsomewhatinfirm，livedinaretiredpartofthehouse。I
havesaidthathewaskindandcivil；hewas，however，notoneofthosepeoplewhosufferthemselvestobemadefoolsofbyanybody；heknewhiscustomers，andhadacalm，cleareye，whichwouldlookthroughamanwithoutseemingtodoso。Theaccommodationofhishousewasoftheverybestdescription；
hiswinesweregood，hisviandsequallyso，andhischargesnotimmoderate；thoughheveryproperlytookcareofhimself。
Hewasnovulgarinn—keeper，hadahostoffriends，anddeservedthemall。DuringthetimeIlivedwithhim，hewaspresentedbyalargeassemblageofhisfriendsandcustomerswithadinnerathisownhouse，whichwasverycostly，andatwhichthebestofwinesweresported，andafterthedinnerwithapieceofplateestimatedatfiftyguineas。Hereceivedtheplate，madeaneatspeechofthanks，andwhenthebillwascalledfor，madeanotherneatspeech，inwhichherefusedtoreceiveonefarthingfortheentertainment，orderinginatthesametimetwodozenmoreofthebestchampagne，andsittingdownamidstuproariousapplause，andcriesof\"Youshallbenoloserbyit！\"Nothingverywonderfulinsuchconduct，somepeoplewillsay；Idon’tsaythereis，norhaveIanyintentiontoendeavourtopersuadethereaderthatthelandlordwasaCarloBoromeo；hemerelygaveaquidproquo；butitisnoteverypersonwhowillgiveyouaquidproquo。Hadhebeenavulgarpublican，hewouldhavesentinaswingingbillafterreceivingtheplate；\"butthennovulgarpublicanwouldhavebeenpresentedwithplate；\"perhapsnot，butmanyavulgarpubliccharacterhasbeenpresentedwithplate，whoseadmirersneverreceivedaquidproquo，exceptintheshapeofaswingingbill。
Ifoundmydutiesofdistributinghayandcorn，andkeepinganaccountthereof，anythingbutdisagreeable，particularlyafterIhadacquiredthegood—willoftheoldostler，whoatfirstlookeduponmewithratheranevileye，consideringmesomewhatinthelightofonewhohadusurpedanofficewhichbelongedtohimselfbytherightofsuccession；buttherewaslittlegallintheoldfellow，and，byspeakingkindlytohim，nevergivingmyselfanyairsofassumption；but，aboveall，byfrequentlyreadingthenewspaperstohim—forthoughpassionatelyfondofnewsandpolitics，hewasunabletoread—Isoonsucceededinplacingmyselfonexcellenttermswithhim。Aregularcharacterwasthatoldostler；hewasaYorkshiremanbybirth，buthadseenagreatdealoflifeinthevicinityofLondon，towhich，onthedeathofhisparents，whowereverypoorpeople，hewentataveryearlyage。AmongstotherplaceswherehehadservedasostlerwasasmallinnatHounslow，muchfrequentedbyhighwaymen，whoseexploitshewasfondofnarrating，especiallythoseofJerryAbershaw，who，hesaid，wasacapitalrider；andonhearinghisaccountsofthatworthy，IhalfregrettedthattheoldfellowhadnotbeeninLondon，andIhadnotformedhisacquaintanceaboutthetimeIwasthinkingofwritingthelifeofthesaidAbershaw，notdoubtingthatwithhisassistance，IcouldhaveproducedabookatleastasremarkableasthelifeandadventuresofthatentirelyimaginarypersonageJosephSell；perhaps，however，Iwasmistaken；andwheneverAbershaw’slifeshallappearbeforethepublic—andmypublishercrediblyinformsmethatithasnotyetappeared—Ibegandentreatthepublictostatewhichitlikesbest，thelifeofAbershaw，orthatofSell，forwhichlatterworkIaminformedthatduringthelastfewmonthstherehasbeenaprodigiousdemand。Myoldfriend，however，aftertalkingofAbershaw，wouldfrequentlyadd，that，goodriderasAbershawcertainlywas，hewasdecidedlyinferiortoRichardFerguson，generallycalledGallopingDick，whowasapalofAbershaw’s，andhadenjoyedacareeraslong，andnearlyasremarkableashisown。IlearnedfromhimthatbothwerecapitalcustomersattheHounslowinn，andthathehadfrequentlydrankwiththeminthecorn—room。Hesaidthatnomancoulddesiremorejollyorentertainingcompanionsoveraglassof\"summut；\"butthatupontheroaditwasanythingbutdesirabletomeetthem；theretheywereterrible，cursingandswearing，andthrustingthemuzzlesoftheirpistolsintopeople’smouths；andatthispartofhislocutiontheoldmanwinked，andsaid，inasomewhatlowervoice，thatuponthewholetheywererightindoingso，andthatwhenapersonhadoncemadeuphismindtobecomeahighwayman，hisbestpolicywastogothewholehog，fearingnothing，butmakingeverybodyafraidofhim；thatpeopleneverthoughtofresistingasavage—faced，foul—mouthedhighwayman，andifheweretaken，wereafraidtobearwitnessagainsthim，lestheshouldgetoffandcuttheirthroatssometimeorotherupontheroads；whereaspeoplewouldresistbeingrobbedbyasneaking，pale—visagedrascal，andwouldswearbodilyagainsthimonthefirstopportunity，—
adding，thatAbershawandFerguson，twomostawfulfellows，hadenjoyedalongcareer，whereastwodisbandedofficersofthearmy，whowishedtorobacoachlikegentlemen，hadbeggedthepassengers’pardon，andtalkedofhardnecessity，hadbeensetuponbythepassengersthemselves，amongstwhomwerethreewomen，pulledfromtheirhorses，conductedtoMaidstone，andhangedwithaslittlepityassuchcontemptiblefellowsdeserved。\"Thereisnothinglikegoingthewholehog，\"herepeated，\"andifeverIhadbeenahighwayman，Iwouldhavedoneso；Ishouldhavethoughtmyselfallthemoresafe；and，moreover，shouldn’thavedespisedmyself。Tocurryfavourwiththoseyouarerobbing，sometimesattheexpenseofyourowncomrades，asIhaveknownfellowsdo，why，itisthegreatest—\"
\"Soitis，\"interposedmyfriendthepostillion，whochancedtobepresentataconsiderablepartoftheoldostler’sdiscourse；\"itis，asyousay，thegreatestofhumbug，andmerely，afterall，getsafellowintotrouble；butnoregularbredhighwaymanwoulddoit。Isay，George，catchthePopeofRometryingtocurryfavourwithanybodyherobs；catcholdMumboJumbocurryingfavourwiththeArchbishopofCanterburyandtheDeanandChapter，shouldhemeettheminastage—coach；itwouldbewithhim，BricconiAbbasso，asheknockedtheirteethoutwiththebuttofhistrombone；andtheoldregular—builtruffianwouldbeallthesaferforit，asBillwouldsay，astentoonetheArchbishopandChapter，aftersuchaspiceofhisquality，wouldbeafraidtoswearagainsthim，andtohanghim，evenifhewereintheirpower，thoughthatwouldbetheproperway；for，ifitisthegreatestofallhumbugforahighwaymantocurryfavourwiththoseherobs，thenextgreatestistotrytocurryfavourwithahighwaymanwhenyouhavegothim，bylettinghimoff。\"
Findingtheoldmansowellacquaintedwiththehistoryofhighwaymen，andtakingconsiderableinterestinthesubject，havingmyselfeditedabookcontainingthelivesofmanyremarkablepeoplewhohadfiguredonthehighway，IforthwithaskedhimhowitwasthatthetradeofhighwaymenhadbecomeextinctinEngland，asatpresentweneverheardofanyonefollowingit。Whereuponhetoldmethatmanycauseshadcontributedtobringaboutthatresult；theprincipalofwhichwerethefollowing：—therefusaltolicensehouseswhichwereknowntoaffordsheltertohighwaymen，which，amongstmanyothers，hadcausedtheinnatHounslowtobeclosed；theinclosureofmanyawildheathinthecountry，onwhichtheywereinthehabitoflurking，andparticularlytheestablishingintheneighbourhoodofLondonofawell—armedmountedpatrol，whorodethehighwaymendown，anddeliveredthemuptojustice，whichhangedthemwithoutceremony。
\"AndthatwouldbethewaytodealwithMumboJumboandhisgang，\"saidthepostillion，\"shouldtheyshowtheirvisagesintheserealms；andIhearbythenewspapersthattheyarebecomingeverydaymoredesperate。Takeawaythelicensefromtheirpublic—houses，cutdowntherookeriesandshadowyoldavenuesinwhichtheyarefondoflyinginwait，inordertosallyoutuponpeopleastheypassintheroads；but，aboveall，establishagoodmountedpolicetorideaftertheruffiansanddragthembythescruffofthenecktothenextclink，wheretheymightlietilltheycouldbeproperlydealtwithbylaw；insteadofwhich，theGovernmentarerepealingthewiseoldlawsenactedagainstsuchcharacters，givingfreshlicenseseverydaytotheirpublic—houses，andsayingthatitwouldbeapitytocutdowntheirrookeriesandthicketsbecausetheylooksoverypicturesque；and，infact，givingthemallkindofencouragement；why，ifsuchbehaviourisnotenoughtodriveanhonestmanmad，Iknownotwhatis。
Itisofnousetalking，Ionlywishthepowerwereinmyhands，andifIdidnotmakeshortworkofthem，mightIbeamerejackasspostillionalltheremainderofmylife。\"
Besidesacquiringfromtheancientostleragreatdealofcuriousinformationrespectingthewaysandhabitsoftheheroesoftheroad，withwhomhehadcomeincontactintheearlyportionofhislife，Ipickedupfromhimmanyexcellenthintsrelatingtotheartofgroominghorses。
Whilstattheinn，Ifrequentlygroomedthestageandpost—
horses，andthosedrivenupbytravellersintheirgigs：I
wasnotcompelled，norindeedexpected，todoso；butItookpleasureintheoccupation；andIrememberatthatperiodoneoftheprincipalobjectsofmyambitionwastobeafirst—
rategroom，andtomaketheskinsofthecreaturesItookinhandlooksleekandglossylikethoseofmoles。IhavesaidthatIderivedvaluablehintsfromtheoldman，and，indeed，becameaverytolerablegroom，buttherewasacertainfinishingtouchwhichIcouldneverlearnfromhim，thoughhepossessedithimself，andwhichIcouldneverattaintobymyownendeavours；thoughmywantofsuccesscertainlydidnotproceedfromwantofapplication，forIhaverubbedthehorsesdown，purringandbuzzingallthetime，afterthegenuineostlerfashion，untiltheperspirationfellinheavydropsuponmyshoes，andwhenIhaddonemybestandaskedtheoldfellowwhathethoughtofmywork，Icouldneverextractfromhimmorethanakindofgrunt，whichmightbetranslated，\"Notsoverybad，butIhaveseenahorsegroomedmuchbetter，\"whichleadsmetosupposethataperson，inordertobeafirst—rategroom，musthavesomethinginhimwhenheisbornwhichIhadnot，and，indeed，whichmanyotherpeoplehavenotwhopretendtobegrooms。Whatdoesthereaderthink？