Ifshewasnotthatnow,shewouldgrowintothatthroughthelapsefromthepersonaltotheancestralwhichweallundergointheprocessoftheyears。
Thesightofherfaceashehadpicturedit,andofthesoulwhichbehadimaginedforit,restoredhimtoabettersenseofher,buthefelttheneedofescapingfromthesuggestionofherfather’spresence,andtakingfurtherthought。Perhapsheshouldneveragainreachthepointthathewasawareofdeflectingfromnow;hefilledhislungswithlongbreaths,whichheexhaledinsighsofrelief。Itmighthavebeenamistakeonthespiritualaswellastheworldlyside;itwouldcertainlynothavepromotedhiscareer;itmighthaveimpededit。Thesemisgivingsflittedoverthesurfaceofthoughtthatmoreprofoundlywasoccupiedwithaquestionofotherthings。Inthetimesincehehadseenherlastitmightverywellbethatayoungandprettygirlhadmetsomeonewhohadtakenherfancy;andhecouldnotbesurethatherfancyhadeverbeenhis,evenifthishadnothappened。Hehadnoproofatallthatshehadevercaredorcouldcareforhimexceptgratefully,respectfully,almostreverentially,withthatminglingoffilialandmaternalanxietywhichhadhithertobeenthewarmestexpressionofherregard。Hetriedtoreasonitout,andcouldnot。Hesuddenlyfoundhimselfbitterlydisappointedthathehadmissedseeingher,foriftheyhadmet,hewouldhaveknownbythistimewhattothink,whattohope。Hefeltold——
hefeltfullythirty—sixyearsold——ashepassedhishandoverhiscrown,whosegossamergrowthopposedsolittleresistancetohistouch。Hehadbeguntolosehishairearly,buttillthenhehadnotmuchregrettedhisbaldness。Heenteredintoalittlequestionoftheircomparativeages,whichledhimtotheconclusionthatCynthiamustnowbeabouttwenty—
five。
Almostatthesamemomenthesawhercomingupthewalktowardhimfromfardowntheavenue。Forareason,orratheramotive,ofhisownhepretendedtohimselfthatitwasnotshe,butheknewinstantlythatitwas,andheputonhishat。Hecouldseethatshedidnotknowhim,anditwasaprettythingtowitnesstherecognitiondawnonher。Whenithaditsfulleffect,hewasawareofaflutter,apauseinherwholefigurebeforeshecameontowardhim,andhehurriedhisstepsforthecharmofherbeautifulblushingface。
Itwasthespiritualeffectoffigureandfacethathehadcarriedinhisthoughteversincehehadarrivedatthatone—sidedintimacythroughhisstudyofherforthepicturehehadjustseen。Hehadoftenhadtoaskhimselfwhetherhehadreallyperceivedoronlyimaginedthecharacterhehadtranslatedintoit;buthere,forthemomentatleast,waswhathehadseen。Hehurriedforwardandjoyfullytookthehandshegavehim。
Hethoughtheshouldspeakofthatatonce,butitwasnotpossible,ofcourse。Therehadtocomefirsttheunheededquestionsandanswersabouteachother’shealth,andmanyothercommonplaces。Heturnedandwalkedhomewithher,andatthegateofthelittleuglyhousesheaskedhimifhewouldnotcomeinandtaketeawiththem。
Herfathertalkedwithhimwhileshegotthetea,andwhenitwasreadyherbrothercameinfromhiswalkhomeoutofOldCambridgeandhelpedherputitonthetable。HehadgrownmuchtallerthanWestover,andhewasveryecclesiasticalinhismanner;moresothanhewouldbe,probably,ifheeverbecameabishop,Westoverdecided。Jombateeste,inanintervalofsuspendedworkatthebrickyard,waspayingavisittohispeopleinCanada,andWestoverdidnotseehim。
AllthetimewhiletheysatattableandtalkedtogetherWestoverrealizedmoreandmorethatforhim,atleast,theseparationofthelasttwoyearshadputthatspacebetweenthemwhichalonemadeitpossibleforthemtoapproacheachotheronnewground。Akindofhorror,ofrepulsion,forherengagementtoJeffDurginhadceasedfromhissenseofher;itwasasifshehadbeenunhappilymarried,andtheman,whohadbeenunworthyandunkind,waslikeaghostwhocouldnevercometotroublehisjoy。Hewasmorehercontemporary,hefound,thanformerly;
shehadgrownagreatdealinthepasttwoyears,andacertainafflictionwhichherfather’sfixityhadgivenhimconcerningherpassedintheassuranceofchangewhichsheherselfgavehim。
Shehadchangedherworld,andgrowntoit,buthernaturehadnotchanged。Evenherlookhadnotchanged,andhetoldherhowhehadseenhispictureinheratthemomentoftheirmeetinginthestreet。Theyallwentintoverifyhisimpressionfromthepainting。\"Yes,thatisthewayyoulooked。\"
\"ItseemstomethatisthewayIfelt,\"sheasserted。
Frankwentaboutthehouse—work,andlefthertotheirguest。WhenWhitwellcamebackfromthepost—office,wherehesaidhewouldonlybegoneaminute,hedidnotrejoinWestoverandCynthiaintheparlor。
Theparlordoorwasshut;hehadriskedhisfate,andtheyweretalkingitover。Cynthiawasnotsure;shewassureofnothingbutthattherewasnooneintheworldshecaredforsomuch;butshewasnotsurethatwasenough。Shedidnotpretendthatshewassurprised;sheownedthatshehadsometimesexpectedit;sheblamedherselffornotexpectingitthen。
Westoversaidthathedidnotblameherfornotknowinghermind;hehadbeenfifteenyearslearninghisownfully。Heaskedhertotakeallthetimeshewished。Ifshecouldnotmakesureafterall,heshouldalwaysbesurethatshewaswiseandgood。ShetoldhimeverythingtherewastotellofherbreakingwithJeff,andhethoughtthelastepisodeasupremeproofofherwisdomandgoodness。
Afteracertaintimetheywentforawalkinthewarmsummermoonlightundertheelms,wheretheyhadmetontheavenue。
\"Isuppose,\"shesaid,astheydrewnearherdooragain,\"thatpeopledon’toftentalkitoveraswe’vedone。\"
\"Weonlyknowfromthenovels,\"heanswered。\"Perhapspeopledo,oftenerthaniseverknown。Idon’tseewhytheyshouldn’t。\"
\"No。\"
\"I’veneverwishedtobesureofyousomuchassinceyou’vewishedtobesureofyourself。\"
\"AndI’veneverbeensosureassinceyouwerewillingtoletme,\"saidCynthia。
\"Iamgladofthat。Trytothinkofme,ifthatwillhelpmycause,assomeoneyoumighthavealwaysknowninthisway。Wedon’treallyknoweachotheryet。I’magreatdealolderthanyou,butstillI’mnotsoveryold。\"
\"Oh,Idon’tcareforthat。AllIwanttobecertainofisthatthefeelingIhaveisreally——thefeeling。\"
\"Iknow,dear,\"saidWestover,andhisheartsurgedtowardherinhistendernessforhersimpleconscience,herwisequestion。\"Taketime。
Don’thurry。ForgetwhatI’vesaid——orno;that’sabsurd!Thinkofit;
butdon’tletanythingbutthetruthpersuadeyou。Now,good—night,Cynthia。\"
\"Good—night——Mr。Westover。\"
\"Mr。Westover\"hereproachedher。
Shestoodthinking,asifthequestionwerecrucial。Thenshesaid,firmly,\"IshouldalwayshavetocallyouMr。Westover。\"
\"Oh,well,\"hereturned,\"ifthat’sall!\"
End