\"Thewife——Imetheronce：shewasthemostbeautifulwomanIhaveeverseen，andthemostwicked—looking；whichissayingagooddealforbothstatements。Iremember，duringawalkingtouroneyear，comingacrossalovelylittlecottage。Itwasthesweetestplaceimaginable。Ineednotdescribeit。Itwasthecottageoneseesinpictures，andreadsofinsentimentalpoetry。Iwasleaningovertheneatly—croppedhedge，drinkinginitsbeauty，whenatoneofthetinycasementsIsaw，lookingoutatme，aface。Itstayedthereonlyamoment，butinthatmomentthecottagehadbecomeugly，andI
hurriedawaywithashudder。
\"Thatwoman’sfaceremindedmeoftheincident。Itwasanangel’sface，untilthewomanherselflookedoutofit：thenyouwerestruckbythestrangeincongruitybetweentenementandtenant。
\"Thatatonetimeshehadlovedherhusband，Ihavelittledoubt。
Viciouswomenhavefewvices，andsordidnessisnotusuallyoneofthem。Shehadprobablymarriedhim，bornetowardshimbyoneofthosewavesofpassionuponwhichthesoulsofanimalnaturesarecontinuallyrisingandfalling。Onpossession，however，hadquicklyfollowedsatiety，andfromsatietyhadgrownthedesireforanewsensation。
\"TheywerelivingatCairoattheperiod；herhusbandheldanimportantofficialpositionthere，andbyvirtueofthis，andofherownbeautyandtact，herhousesoonbecamethecentreoftheAnglo—
Saxonsocietyeverdriftinginandoutofthecity。Thewomendislikedher，andcopiedher。Themenspokeslightinglyofhertotheirwives，lightlyofhertoeachother，andmadeidiotsofthemselveswhentheywerealonewithher。Shelaughedatthemtotheirfaces，andmimickedthembehindtheirbacks。Theirfriendssaiditwasclever。
\"OneyeartherearrivedayoungEnglishengineer，whohadcomeouttosuperintendsomecanalworks。Hebroughtwithhimsatisfactorylettersofrecommendation，andwasatoncereceivedbytheEuropeanresidentsasawelcomeadditiontotheirsocialcircle。Hewasnotparticularlygood—looking，hewasnotremarkablycharming，buthepossessedtheonethingthatfewwomencanresistinaman，andthatisstrength。Thewomanlookedattheman，andthemanlookedbackatthewoman；andthedramabegan。
\"Scandalfliesswiftlythroughsmallcommunities。Beforeamonth，theirrelationshipwasthechieftopicofconversationthroughoutthequarter。Inlessthantwo，itreachedtheearsofthewoman’shusband。
\"Hewaseitheranexceptionallymeanoranexceptionallynoblecharacter，accordingtohowoneviewsthematter。Heworshippedhiswife——asmenwithbigheartsandweakbrainsoftendoworshipsuchwomen——withdog—likedevotion。Hisonlydreadwaslestthescandalshouldreachproportionsthatwouldcompelhimtotakenoticeofit，andthusbringshameandsufferinguponthewomantowhomhewouldhavegivenhislife。Thatamanwhosawhershouldloveherseemednaturaltohim；thatsheshouldhavegrowntiredofhimself，athingnottobewonderedat。Hewasgratefultoherforhavingoncelovedhim，foralittlewhile。
\"Asfor’theotherman，’heprovedsomewhatofanenigmatothegossips。Heattemptednosecrecy；ifanything，heratherparadedhissubjugation——orhisconquest，itwasdifficulttodecidewhichtermtoapply。Herodeanddrovewithher；visitedherinpublicandinprivate（insuchprivacyascanbehopedforinahousefilledwithchatteringservants，andwatchedbyspyingeyes）；loadedherwithexpensivepresents，whichsheworeopenly，andpaperedhissmoking—denwithherphotographs。Yetheneverallowedhimselftoappearintheleastdegreeridiculous；neverallowedhertocomebetweenhimandhiswork。Aletterfromher，hewouldlayasideunopeneduntilhehadfinishedwhatheevidentlyregardedasmoreimportantbusiness。Whenboudoirandengine—shedbecamerivals，itwastheboudoirthathadtowait。
\"Thewomanchafedunderhisself—control，whichstungherlikealash，butclungtohimthemoreabjectly。
\"’Tellmeyouloveme！’shewouldcryfiercely，stretchingherwhitearmstowardshim。
\"’Ihavetoldyouso，’hewouldreplycalmly，withoutmoving。
\"’Iwanttohearyoutellitmeagain，’shewouldpleadwithavoicethattrembledonasob。’Comeclosetomeandtellitmeagain，again，again！’
\"Then，asshelaywithhalf—closedeyes，hewouldpourforthafloodofpassionatewordssufficienttosatisfyevenherthirstyears，andafterwards，asthegatesclangedbehindhim，wouldtakeupanengineeringproblemattheexactpointatwhichhalfanhourbefore，onherentranceintotheroom，hehadtemporarilydismissedit。
\"Oneday，aprivilegedfriendputbluntlytohimthisquestion：
’Areyouplayingforloveorvanity？’
\"Towhichtheman，afterlongpondering，gavethisreply：’’Ponmysoul，Jack，Icouldn’ttellyou。’
\"Now，whenamanisinlovewithawomanwhocannotmakeuphermindwhethersheloveshimornot，wecallthecomplicationcomedy；whereitisthewomanwhoisinearnesttheresultisgenerallytragedy。
\"Theycontinuedtomeetandtomakelove。Theytalked——aspeopleintheirpositionarepronetotalk——ofthebeautifullifetheywouldleadifitonlywerenotforthethingthatwas；oftheearthlyparadise——or，maybe，’earthy’wouldbethemoresuitableadjective——
theywouldeachcreatefortheother，ifonlytheyhadtherightwhichtheyhadn’t。
\"Inthisworkofimaginationthemantrustedchieflytohisliteraryfaculties，whichwereconsiderable；thewomantoherdesires。Thus，hisscenespossessedagraceandfinishwhichherslacked，butherpictureswerethemorevivid。Indeed，sorealisticdidshepaintthem，thattoherselftheyseemedrealities，waitingforher。Thenshewouldrisetogotowardsthemonlytostrikeherselfagainstthethoughtofthethingthatstoodbetweenherandthem。Atfirstsheonlyhatedthething，butafterawhiletherecameanuglylookofhopeintohereyes。
\"ThetimedrewnearforthemantoreturntoEngland。Thecanalwascompleted，andadayappointedforthelettinginofthewater。Themandeterminedtomaketheeventtheoccasionofasocialgathering。
Heinvitedalargenumberofguests，amongwhomwerethewomanandherhusband，toassistatthefunction。Afterwardsthepartyweretopicnicatapleasantwoodedspotsomethree—quartersofamilefromthefirstlock。
\"Theceremonyoffloodingwastobeperformedbythewoman，herhusband’spositionentitlinghertothisdistinction。Betweentheriverandtheheadofthecuttinghadbeenleftastrongbankofearth，piercedsomedistancedownbyahole，whichholewaskeptclosedbymeansofaclosely—fittingsteelplate。Thewomandrewtheleverreleasingthisplate，andthewaterrushedthroughandbegantopressagainstthelockgates。Whenithadattainedacertaindepth，thesluiceswereraised，andthewaterpoureddownintothedeepbasinofthelock。
\"Itwasanexceptionallydeeplock。Thepartygatheredroundandwatchedthewaterslowlyrising。Thewomanlookeddown，andshuddered；themanwasstandingbyherside。
\"’Howdeepitis，’shesaid。
\"’Yes，’hereplied，’itholdsthirtyfeetofwater，whenfull。’
\"Thewatercreptupinchbyinch。
\"’Whydon’tyouopenthegates，andletitinquickly？’sheasked。
\"’Itwouldnotdoforittocomeintooquickly，’heexplained；’weshallhalffillthislock，andthenopenthesluicesattheotherend，andsoletthewaterpassthrough。’
\"Thewomanlookedatthesmoothstonewallsandattheiron—platedgates。
\"’Iwonderwhatamanwoulddo，’shesaid，’ifhefellin，andtherewasnooneneartohelphim？’
\"Themanlaughed。’Ithinkhewouldstopthere，’heanswered。
’Come，theothersarewaitingforus。’
\"Helingeredamomenttogivesomefinalinstructionstotheworkmen。’Youcanfollowonwhenyou’vemadeallright，’hesaid，’andgetsomethingtoeat。There’snoneedformorethanonetostop。’Thentheyjoinedtherestoftheparty，andsaunteredon，laughingandtalking，tothepicnicground。
Afterlunchthepartybrokeup，asisthecustomofpicnicparties，andwanderedawayingroupsandpairs。Theman，whosedutyashosthadhithertooccupiedallhisattention，lookedforthewoman，butshewasgone。
\"Afriendstrolledby，thesamethathadputthequestiontohimaboutloveandvanity。
\"’Haveyouquarrelled？’askedthefriend。
\"’No，’repliedtheman。
\"’Ifanciedyouhad，’saidtheother。’Imetherjustnowwalkingwithherhusband，ofallmenintheworld，andmakingherselfquiteagreeabletohim。’
\"Thefriendstrolledon，andthemansatdownonafallentree，andlightedacigar。Hesmokedandthought，andthecigarburntout，buthestillsatthinking。
\"Afterawhileheheardafaintrustlingofthebranchesbehindhim，andpeeringbetweentheinterlacingleavesthathidhim，sawthecrouchingfigureofthewomancreepingthroughthewood。
\"Hislipswerepartedtocallhername，whensheturnedherlisteningheadinhisdirection，andhiseyesfellfulluponherface。Somethingaboutit，hecouldnothavetoldwhat，struckhimdumb，andthewomancrepton。
\"Graduallythenebulousthoughtsfloatingthroughhisbrainbegantosolidifyintoatangibleidea，andthemanunconsciouslystartedforward。Afterwalkingafewstepshebrokeintoarun，fortheideahadgrownclearer。Itcontinuedtogrowstillclearerandclearer，andthemanranfasterandfaster，untilatlasthefoundhimselfracingmadlytowardsthelock。Asheapproachedithelookedroundforthewatchmanwhooughttohavebeenthere，butthemanwasgonefromhispost。Heshouted，butifanyanswerwasreturned，itwasdrownedbytheroaroftherushingwater。
\"Hereachedtheedgeandlookeddown。Fifteenfeetbelowhimwastherealityofthedimvisionthathadcometohimamilebackinthewoods：thewoman’shusbandswimmingroundandroundlikearatinapail。
\"Theriverwasflowinginandoutofthelockatthesamerate，sothatthelevelofthewaterremainedconstant。Thefirstthingthemandidwastoclosethelowersluicesandthenopenthoseintheuppergatetotheirfullestextent。Thewaterbegantorise。
\"’Canyouholdout？’hecried。
\"Thedrowningmanturnedtohimafacealreadycontortedbytheagonyofexhaustion，andansweredwithafeeble’No。’
\"Helookedaroundforsomethingtothrowtotheman。Aplankhadlainthereinthemorning，herememberedstumblingoverit，andcomplainingofitshavingbeenleftthere；hecursedhimselfnowforhiscare。
\"Ahutusedbythenavviestokeeptheirtoolsinstoodabouttwohundredyardsaway；perhapsithadbeentakenthere，perhapstherehemightevenfindarope。
\"’Justoneminute，oldfellow！’heshouteddown，’andI’llbeback。’
\"Buttheotherdidnothearhim。Thefeeblestrugglesceased。Thefacefellbackuponthewater，theeyeshalfclosedasifwithwearyindifference。Therewasnotimeforhimtodomorethankickoffhisridingbootsandjumpinandclutchtheunconsciousfigureasitsank。
\"Downthere，inthatwalled—intrap，hefoughtalongfightwithDeathforthelifethatstoodbetweenhimandthewoman。Hewasnotanexpertswimmer，hisclotheshamperedhim，hewasalreadyblownwithhislongrace，theburdeninhisarmsdraggedhimdown，thewaterroseslowlyenoughtomakehistorturefitforDante’shell。
\"Atfirsthecouldnotunderstandwhythiswasso，butinglancingdownhesawtohishorrorthathehadnotproperlyclosedthelowersluices；ineachsomeeightorteninchesremainedopen，sothatthestreamwaspassingoutnearlyhalfasfastasitcamein。Itwouldbeanotherfive—and—twentyminutesbeforethewaterwouldbehighenoughforhimtograspthetop。
\"Henotedwherethelineofwethadreachedto，onthesmoothstonewall，thenlookedagainafterwhathethoughtmustbealapseoftenminutes，andfoundithadrisenhalfaninch，ifthat。Onceortwiceheshoutedforhelp，buttheefforttaxedseverelyhisalreadyfailingbreath，andhisvoiceonlycamebacktohiminahundredechoesfromhisprisonwalls。
\"Inchbyinchthelineofwetcreptup，butthespendingofhisstrengthwentonmoreswiftly。Itseemedtohimasifhisinsidewerebeinggrippedandtornslowlyout：hiswholebodycriedouttohimtoletitsinkandlieinrestatthebottom。
\"Atlengthhisunconsciousburdenopeneditseyesandstaredathimstupidly，thenclosedthemagainwithasigh；aminutelateropenedthemoncemore，andlookedlongandhardathim。
\"’Letmego，’hesaid，’weshallbothdrown。Youcanmanagebyyourself。’
\"Hemadeafeebleefforttoreleasehimself，buttheotherheldhim。
\"’Keepstill，youfool！’hehissed；’you’regoingtogetoutofthiswithme，orI’mgoingdownwithyou。’
\"Sothegrimstrugglewentoninsilence，tilltheman，lookingup，sawthestonecopingjustalittlewayabovehishead，madeonemadleapandcaughtitwithhisfinger—tips，heldonaninstant，thenfellbackwitha’plump’andsank；cameupandmadeanotherdash，and，helpedbytheimpetusofhisrise，caughtthecopingfirmlythistimewiththewholeofhisfingers，hungontillhiseyessawthestuntedgrass，tilltheywerebothabletoscrambleoutuponthebankandliethere，theirbreastspressedcloseagainsttheground，theirhandsclutchingtheearth，whiletheoverflowingwaterswirledsoftlyroundthem。
\"Afterawhile，theyraisedthemselvesandlookedatoneanother。
\"’Tiringwork，’saidtheotherman，withanodtowardsthelock。
\"’Yes，’answeredthehusband，’beastlyawkwardnotbeingagoodswimmer。HowdidyouknowIhadfallenin？Youmetmywife，I
suppose？’
\"’Yes，’saidtheotherman。
\"Thehusbandsatstaringatapointinthehorizonforsomeminutes。
’DoyouknowwhatIwaswonderingthismorning？’saidhe。
\"’No，’saidtheotherman。
\"’WhetherIshouldkillyouornot。’
\"’Theytoldme，’hecontinued，afterapause，’alotofsillygossipwhichIwascadenoughtobelieve。Iknownowitwasn’ttrue，because——well，ifithadbeen，youwouldnothavedonewhatyouhavedone。’
\"Heroseandcameacross。’Ibegyourpardon，’hesaid，holdingouthishand。
\"’Ibegyours，’saidtheotherman，risingandtakingit；’doyoumindgivingmeahandwiththesluices？’
\"Theysettoworktoputthelockright。
\"’Howdidyoumanagetofallin？’askedtheotherman，whowasraisingoneofthelowersluices，withoutlookinground。
\"Thehusbandhesitated，asifhefoundtheexplanationsomewhatdifficult。’Oh，’heansweredcarelessly，’thewifeandIwerechaffing，andshesaidshe’doftenseenyoujumpit，and’——helaughedaratherforcedlaugh——’shepromisedmea——akissifI
clearedit。Itwasafoolishthingtodo。’
\"’Yes，itwasrather，’saidtheotherman。
\"Afewdaysafterwardsthemanandwomanmetatareception。Hefoundherinaleafycornerofthegardentalkingtosomefriends。
Sheadvancedtomeethim，holdingoutherhand。’WhatcanIsaymorethanthankyou？’shemurmuredinalowvoice。
\"Theothersmovedaway，leavingthemalone。’Theytellmeyouriskedyourlifetosavehis？’shesaid。
\"’Yes，’heanswered。
\"Sheraisedhereyestohis，thenstruckhimacrossthefacewithherunglovedhand。
\"’Youdamnedfool！’shewhispered。
\"Heseizedherbyherwhitearms，andforcedherbackbehindtheorangetrees。’Doyouknowwhy？’hesaid，speakingslowlyanddistinctly；’becauseIfearedthat，withhimdead，youwouldwantmetomarryyou，andthat，talkedaboutaswehavebeen，Imightfinditawkwardtoavoiddoingso；becauseIfearedthat，withouthimtostandbetweenus，youmightproveanannoyancetome——perhapscomebetweenmeandthewomanIlove，thewomanIamgoingbackto。Nowdoyouunderstand？’
\"’Yes，’whisperedthewoman，andhelefther。
\"Butthereareonlytwopeople，\"concludedJephson，\"whodonotregardhissavingofthehusband’slifeasahighlynobleandunselfishaction，andtheyarethemanhimselfandthewoman。\"
WethankedJephsonforhisstory，andpromisedtoprofitbythemoral，whendiscovered。Meanwhile，MacShaughnassysaidthatheknewastorydealingwiththesametheme，namely，thetoocloseattachmentofawomantoastrangeman，whichreallyhadamoral，whichmoralwas：don’thaveanythingtodowithinventions。
Brown，whohadpatentedasafetygun，whichhehadneveryetfoundamanpluckyenoughtoletoff，saiditwasabadmoral。Weagreedtoheartheparticulars，andjudgeforourselves。
\"Thisstory，\"commencedMacShaughnassy，\"comesfromFurtwangen，asmalltownintheBlackForest。TherelivedthereaverywonderfuloldfellownamedNicholausGeibel。Hisbusinesswasthemakingofmechanicaltoys，atwhichworkhehadacquiredanalmostEuropeanreputation。Hemaderabbitsthatwouldemergefromtheheartofacabbage，flaptheirears，smooththeirwhiskers，anddisappearagain；catsthatwouldwashtheirfaces，andmewsonaturallythatdogswouldmistakethemforrealcats，andflyatthem；dolls，withphonographsconcealedwithinthem，thatwouldraisetheirhatsandsay，’Goodmorning；howdoyoudo？’andsomethatwouldevensingasong。
\"Buthewassomethingmorethanameremechanic；hewasanartist。
Hisworkwaswithhimahobby，almostapassion。Hisshopwasfilledwithallmannerofstrangethingsthatneverwould，orcould，besold——thingshehadmadeforthepureloveofmakingthem。Hehadcontrivedamechanicaldonkeythatwouldtrotfortwohoursbymeansofstoredelectricity，andtrot，too，muchfasterthanthelivearticle，andwithlessneedforexertiononthepartofthedriver；abirdthatwouldshootupintotheair，flyroundandroundinacircle，anddroptoearthattheexactspotfromwhereitstarted；askeletonthat，supportedbyanuprightironbar，woulddanceahornpipe；alife—sizeladydollthatcouldplaythefiddle；
andagentlemanwithahollowinsidewhocouldsmokeapipeanddrinkmorelagerbeerthananythreeaverageGermanstudentsputtogether，whichissayingmuch。
\"Indeed，itwasthebeliefofthetownthatoldGeibelcouldmakeamancapableofdoingeverythingthatarespectablemanneedwanttodo。Onedayhemadeamanwhodidtoomuch，anditcameaboutinthisway。
\"YoungDoctorFollenhadababy，andthebabyhadabirthday。ItsfirstbirthdayputDoctorFollen’shouseholdintosomewhatofaflurry，butontheoccasionofitssecondbirthday，Mrs。DoctorFollengaveaballinhonouroftheevent。OldGeibelandhisdaughterOlgawereamongtheguests。
\"Duringtheafternoonofthenextday，somethreeorfourofOlga’sbosomfriends，whohadalsobeenpresentattheball，droppedintohaveachataboutit。Theynaturallyfelltodiscussingthemen，andtocriticisingtheirdancing。OldGeibelwasintheroom，butheappearedtobeabsorbedinhisnewspaper，andthegirlstooknonoticeofhim。
\"’Thereseemtobefewermenwhocandance，ateveryballyougoto，’saidoneofthegirls。
\"’Yes，anddon’ttheoneswhocan，givethemselvesairs，’saidanother；’theymakequiteafavourofaskingyou。’
\"’Andhowstupidlytheytalk，’addedathird。’Theyalwayssayexactlythesamethings：\"Howcharmingyouarelookingto—night。\"
\"DoyouoftengotoVienna？Oh，youshould，it’sdelightful。\"
\"Whatacharmingdressyouhaveon。\"\"Whatawarmdayithasbeen。\"
\"DoyoulikeWagner？\"Idowishthey’dthinkofsomethingnew。’
\"’Oh，Inevermindhowtheytalk，’saidafourth。’IfamandanceswellhemaybeafoolforallIcare。’
\"’Hegenerallyis，’slippedinathingirl，ratherspitefully。
\"’Igotoaballtodance，’continuedthepreviousspeaker，notnoticingtheinterruption。’AllIaskofapartneristhatheshallholdmefirmly，takemeroundsteadily，andnotgettiredbeforeI
do。’
\"’Aclockworkfigurewouldbethethingforyou，’saidthegirlwhohadinterrupted。
\"’Bravo！’criedoneoftheothers，clappingherhands，’whatacapitalidea！’
\"’What’sacapitalidea？’theyasked。
\"’Why，aclockworkdancer，or，betterstill，onethatwouldgobyelectricityandneverrundown。’
\"Thegirlstookuptheideawithenthusiasm。
\"’Oh，whatalovelypartnerhewouldmake，’saidone；’hewouldneverkickyou，ortreadonyourtoes。’
\"’Ortearyourdress，’saidanother。
\"’Orgetoutofstep。’
\"’Orgetgiddyandleanonyou。’
\"’Andhewouldneverwanttomophisfacewithhishandkerchief。I
dohatetoseeamandothataftereverydance。’
\"’Andwouldn’twanttospendthewholeeveninginthesupper—room。’
\"’Why，withaphonographinsidehimtogrindoutallthestockremarks，youwouldnotbeabletotellhimfromarealman，’saidthegirlwhohadfirstsuggestedtheidea。
\"’Ohyes，youwould，’saidthethingirl，’hewouldbesomuchnicer。’
\"OldGeibelhadlaiddownhispaper，andwaslisteningwithbothhisears。Ononeofthegirlsglancinginhisdirection，however，hehurriedlyhidhimselfagainbehindit。
\"Afterthegirlsweregone，hewentintohisworkshop，whereOlgaheardhimwalkingupanddown，andeverynowandthenchucklingtohimself；andthatnighthetalkedtoheragooddealaboutdancinganddancingmen——askedwhattheyusuallysaidanddid——whatdancesweremostpopular——whatstepsweregonethrough，withmanyotherquestionsbearingonthesubject。
\"Thenforacoupleofweekshekeptmuchtohisfactory，andwasverythoughtfulandbusy，thoughproneatunexpectedmomentstobreakintoaquietlowlaugh，asifenjoyingajokethatnobodyelseknewof。
\"AmonthlateranotherballtookplaceinFurtwangen。OnthisoccasionitwasgivenbyoldWenzel，thewealthytimbermerchant，tocelebratehisniece’sbetrothal，andGeibelandhisdaughterwereagainamongtheinvited。
\"Whenthehourarrivedtosetout，Olgasoughtherfather。Notfindinghiminthehouse，shetappedatthedoorofhisworkshop。
Heappearedinhisshirt—sleeves，lookinghot，butradiant。
\"’Don’twaitforme，’hesaid，’yougoon，I’llfollowyou。I’vegotsomethingtofinish。’
\"Assheturnedtoobeyhecalledafterher，’TellthemI’mgoingtobringayoungmanwithme——suchaniceyoungman，andanexcellentdancer。Allthegirlswilllikehim。’Thenhelaughedandclosedthedoor。
\"Herfathergenerallykepthisdoingssecretfromeverybody，butshehadaprettyshrewdsuspicionofwhathehadbeenplanning，andso，toacertainextent，wasabletopreparetheguestsforwhatwascoming。Anticipationranhigh，andthearrivalofthefamousmechanistwaseagerlyawaited。
\"Atlengththesoundofwheelswasheardoutside，followedbyagreatcommotioninthepassage，andoldWenzelhimself，hisjollyfaceredwithexcitementandsuppressedlaughter，burstintotheroomandannouncedinstentoriantones：
\"’HerrGeibel——andafriend。’
\"HerrGeibelandhis’friend’entered，greetedwithshoutsoflaughterandapplause，andadvancedtothecentreoftheroom。
\"’Allowme，ladiesandgentlemen，’saidHerrGeibel，’tointroduceyoutomyfriend，LieutenantFritz。Fritz，mydearfellow，bowtotheladiesandgentlemen。’
\"GeibelplacedhishandencouraginglyonFritz’sshoulder，andthelieutenantbowedlow，accompanyingtheactionwithaharshclickingnoiseinhisthroat，unpleasantlysuggestiveofadeathrattle。Butthatwasonlyadetail。
\"’Hewalksalittlestiffly’（oldGeibeltookhisarmandwalkedhimforwardafewsteps。Hecertainlydidwalkstiffly），’butthen，walkingisnothisforte。Heisessentiallyadancingman。Ihaveonlybeenabletoteachhimthewaltzasyet，butatthatheisfaultless。Come，whichofyouladiesmayIintroducehimto，asapartner？Hekeepsperfecttime；henevergetstired；hewon’tkickyouortreadonyourdress；hewillholdyouasfirmlyasyoulike，andgoasquicklyorasslowlyasyouplease；henevergetsgiddy；
andheisfullofconversation。Come，speakupforyourself，myboy。’
\"Theoldgentlemantwistedoneofthebuttonsofhiscoat，andimmediatelyFritzopenedhismouth，andinthintonesthatappearedtoproceedfromthebackofhishead，remarkedsuddenly，’MayIhavethepleasure？’andthenshuthismouthagainwithasnap。
\"ThatLieutenantFritzhadmadeastrongimpressiononthecompanywasundoubted，yetnoneofthegirlsseemedinclinedtodancewithhim。Theylookedaskanceathiswaxenface，withitsstaringeyesandfixedsmile，andshuddered。AtlastoldGeibelcametothegirlwhohadconceivedtheidea。
\"’Itisyourownsuggestion，carriedouttotheletter，’saidGeibel，’anelectricdancer。Youoweittothegentlemantogivehimatrial。’
\"Shewasabrightsaucylittlegirl，fondofafrolic。Herhostaddedhisentreaties，andsheconsented。
\"HerrGeibelfixedthefiguretoher。Itsrightarmwasscrewedroundherwaist，andheldherfirmly；itsdelicatelyjointedlefthandwasmadetofastenitselfuponherright。Theoldtoymakershowedherhowtoregulateitsspeed，andhowtostopit，andreleaseherself。
\"’Itwilltakeyouroundinacompletecircle，’heexplained；’becarefulthatnooneknocksagainstyou，andaltersitscourse。’
\"Themusicstruckup。OldGeibelputthecurrentinmotion，andAnnetteandherstrangepartnerbegantodance。
\"Forawhileeveryonestoodwatchingthem。Thefigureperformeditspurposeadmirably。Keepingperfecttimeandstep，andholdingitslittlepartnertightlyclaspedinanunyieldingembrace，itrevolvedsteadily，pouringforthatthesametimeaconstantflowofsqueakyconversation，brokenbybriefintervalsofgrindingsilence。
\"’Howcharmingyouarelookingto—night，’itremarkedinitsthin，far—awayvoice。’Whatalovelydayithasbeen。Doyoulikedancing？Howwellourstepsagree。Youwillgivemeanother，won’tyou？Oh，don’tbesocruel。Whatacharminggownyouhaveon。
Isn’twaltzingdelightful？Icouldgoondancingforever——withyou。Haveyouhadsupper？’
\"Asshegrewmorefamiliarwiththeuncannycreature，thegirl’snervousnessworeoff，andsheenteredintothefunofthething\"’Oh，he’sjustlovely，’shecried，laughing，’Icouldgoondancingwithhimallmylife。’
\"Coupleaftercouplenowjoinedthem，andsoonallthedancersintheroomwerewhirlingroundbehindthem。NicholausGeibelstoodlookingon，beamingwithchildishdelightathissuccess，\"OldWenzelapproachedhim，andwhisperedsomethinginhisear。
Geibellaughedandnodded，andthetwoworkedtheirwayquietlytowardsthedoor。
\"’Thisistheyoungpeople’shouseto—night，’saidWenzel，assoonastheywereoutside；’youandIwillhaveaquietpipeandaglassofhock，overinthecounting—house。’
\"Meanwhilethedancinggrewmorefastandfurious。LittleAnnetteloosenedthescrewregulatingherpartner’srateofprogress，andthefigureflewroundwithherswifterandswifter。Coupleaftercoupledroppedoutexhausted，buttheyonlywentthefaster，tillatlengththeyweretheonlypairleftdancing。
\"Madderandmadderbecamethewaltz。Themusiclaggedbehind：themusicians，unabletokeeppace，ceased，andsatstaring。Theyoungerguestsapplauded，buttheolderfacesbegantogrowanxious。
\"’Hadn’tyoubetterstop，dear，’saidoneofthewomen，’You’llmakeyourselfsotired。’
\"ButAnnettedidnotanswer。
\"’Ibelieveshe’sfainted，’criedoutagirl，whohadcaughtsightofherfaceasitwassweptby。
\"Oneofthemensprangforwardandclutchedatthefigure，butitsimpetusthrewhimdownontothefloor，whereitssteel—casedfeetlaidbarehischeek。Thethingevidentlydidnotintendtopartwithitsprizeeasily。
\"Hadanyoneretainedacoolhead，thefigure，onecannothelpthinking，mighteasilyhavebeenstopped。Twoorthreemen，actinginconcert，mighthavelifteditbodilyoffthefloor，orhavejammeditintoacorner。Butfewhumanheadsarecapableofremainingcoolunderexcitement。Thosewhoarenotpresentthinkhowstupidmusthavebeenthosewhowere；thosewhoare，reflectafterwardshowsimpleitwouldhavebeentodothis，that，ortheother，ifonlytheyhadthoughtofitatthetime。
\"Thewomengrewhysterical。Themenshoutedcontradictorydirectionstooneanother。Twoofthemmadeabunglingrushatthefigure，whichhadtheresultofforcingitoutofitsorbitinthecentreoftheroom，andsendingitcrashingagainstthewallsandfurniture。Astreamofbloodshoweditselfdownthegirl’swhitefrock，andfollowedheralongthefloor。Theaffairwasbecominghorrible。Thewomenrushedscreamingfromtheroom。Themenfollowedthem。
\"Onesensiblesuggestionwasmade：’FindGeibel——fetchGeibel。’
\"Noonehadnoticedhimleavetheroom，nooneknewwherehewas。A
partywentinsearchofhim。Theothers，toounnervedtogobackintotheballroom，crowdedoutsidethedoorandlistened。Theycouldhearthesteadywhirofthewheelsuponthepolishedfloor，asthethingspunroundandround；thedullthudaseverynowandagainitdasheditselfanditsburdenagainstsomeopposingobjectandricochetedoffinanewdirection。
\"Andeverlastinglyittalkedinthatthinghostlyvoice，repeatingoverandoverthesameformula：’Howcharmingyouarelookingto—
night。Whatalovelydayithasbeen。Oh，don’tbesocruel。I
couldgoondancingforever——withyou。Haveyouhadsupper？’
\"OfcoursetheysoughtforGeibeleverywherebutwherehewas。Theylookedineveryroominthehouse，thentheyrushedoffinabodytohisownplace，andspentpreciousminutesinwakinguphisdeafoldhousekeeper。AtlastitoccurredtooneofthepartythatWenzelwasmissingalso，andthentheideaofthecounting—houseacrosstheyardpresenteditselftothem，andtheretheyfoundhim。
\"Heroseup，verypale，andfollowedthem；andheandoldWenzelforcedtheirwaythroughthecrowdofguestsgatheredoutside，andenteredtheroom，andlockedthedoorbehindthem。
\"Fromwithintherecamethemuffledsoundoflowvoicesandquicksteps，followedbyaconfusedscufflingnoise，thensilence，thenthelowvoicesagain。
\"Afteratimethedooropened，andthosenearitpressedforwardtoenter，butoldWenzel’sbroadshouldersbarredtheway。
\"’Iwantyou——andyou，Bekler，’hesaid，addressingacoupleoftheeldermen。Hisvoicewascalm，buthisfacewasdeadlywhite。’Therestofyou，pleasego——getthewomenawayasquicklyasyoucan。’
\"FromthatdayoldNicholausGeibelconfinedhimselftothemakingofmechanicalrabbitsandcatsthatmewedandwashedtheirfaces。\"
WeagreedthatthemoralofMacShaughnassy’sstorywasagoodone。
CHAPTERXII
Howmuchmoreofour——fortunatelynotveryvaluable——timewedevotedtothiswonderfulnovelofours，Icannotexactlysay。Turningthedogs’—earedleavesofthedilapidateddiarythatliesbeforeme，I
findtherecordofourlatergatheringsconfusedandincomplete。
Forweekstheredoesnotappearasingleword。Thencomesanalarminglybusiness—likeminuteofameetingatwhichtherewere——
\"Present：Jephson，MacShaughnassy，Brown，andSelf\"；andatwhichthe\"Proceedingscommencedat8。30。\"Atwhattimethe\"proceedings\"
terminated，andwhatbusinesswasdone，thechronicle，however，sayethnot；though，faintlypencilledinthemarginofthepage，I
tracethesehieroglyphics：\"3。14。9—2。6。7，\"bringingoutaresultof\"1。8。2。\"Evidentlyanunremunerativenight。
OnSeptember13thweseemtohavebecomesuddenlyimbuedwithenergytoaquiteremarkabledegree，forIreadthatwe\"Resolvedtostartthefirstchapteratonce\"——\"atonce\"beingunderlined。Afterthisspurt，werestuntilOctober4th，whenwe\"Discussedwhetheritshouldbeanovelofplotorofcharacter，\"without——sofarasthediaryaffordsindication——arrivingatanydefinitedecision。I
observethatonthesameday\"Mactoldastoryaboutamanwhoaccidentallyboughtacamelatasale。\"Detailsofthestoryare，however，wanting，which，perhaps，isfortunateforthereader。
Onthe16th，wewerestilldebatingthecharacterofourhero；andI
seethatIsuggested\"amanoftheCharleyBuswelltype。\"
PoorCharley，Iwonderwhatcouldhavemademethinkofhiminconnectionwithheroes；hislovableness，Isuppose——certainlynothisheroicqualities。Icanrecallhisboyishfacenow（itwasalwaysaboyishface），thetearsstreamingdownitashesatintheschoolyardbesideabucket，inwhichhewasdrowningthreewhitemiceandatamerat。Isatdownoppositeandcriedtoo，whilehelpinghimtoholdasaucepanlidoverthepoorlittlecreatures，andthustheresprangupafriendshipbetweenus，whichgrew。
Overthegraveofthesemurderedrodents，hetookasolemnoathnevertobreakschoolrulesagain，bykeepingeitherwhitemiceortamerats，buttodevotethewholeofhisenergiesforthefuturetopleasinghismasters，andaffordinghisparentssomesatisfactionforthemoneybeingspentuponhiseducation。
Sevenweekslater，thepervadencethroughoutthedormitoryofanatmosphericeffectmorecuriousthanpleasingledtothediscoverythathehadconvertedhisboxintoarabbithutch。Confrontedwithelevenkickingwitnesses，andremindedofhisformerpromises，heexplainedthatrabbitswerenotmice，andseemedtoconsiderthatanewandvexatiousregulationhadbeensprunguponhim。Therabbitswereconfiscated。Whatwastheirultimatefate，weneverknewwithcertainty，butthreedayslaterweweregivenrabbit—piefordinner。
TocomforthimIendeavouredtoassurehimthatthesecouldnotbehisrabbits。He，however，convincedthattheywere，criedsteadilyintohisplateallthetimethathewaseatingthem，andafterwards，intheplayground，hadastand—upfightwithafourthformboywhohadrequestedasecondhelping。
Thateveningheperformedanothersolemnoath—taking，andforthenextmonthwasthemodelboyoftheschool。Hereadtracts，senthissparepocket—moneytoassistinannoyingtheheathen，andsubscribedtoTheYoungChristianandTheWeeklyRambler，anEvangelicalMiscellany（whateverthatmaymean）。Anundilutedcourseofthisperniciousliteraturenaturallycreatedinhimadesiretowardstheoppositeextreme。HesuddenlydroppedTheYoungChristianandTheWeeklyRambler，andpurchasedpennydreadfuls；andtakingnofurtherinterestinthewelfareoftheheathen，savedupandboughtasecond—handrevolverandahundredcartridges。Hisambition，heconfidedtome，wastobecome\"adeadshot，\"andthemarvelofitisthathedidnotsucceed。
Ofcourse，therefollowedtheusualdiscoveryandconsequenttrouble，theusualrepentanceandreformation，theusualdeterminationtostartanewlife。
Poorfellow，helived\"startinganewlife。\"EveryNewYear’sDayhewouldstartanewlife——onhisbirthday——onotherpeople’sbirthdays。Ifancythat，lateron，whenhecametoknowtheirimportance，heextendedtheprincipletoquarterdays。\"Tidyingup，andstartingafresh，\"healwayscalledit。
Ithinkasayoungmanhewasbetterthanmostofus。ButhelackedthatgreatgiftwhichisthedistinguishingfeatureoftheEnglish—
speakingracealltheworldover，thegiftofhypocrisy。Heseemedincapableofdoingtheslightestthingwithoutgettingfoundout；agravemisfortuneforamantosufferfrom，this。
Dearsimple—heartedfellow，itneveroccurredtohimthathewasasothermen——with，perhaps，adashofstraightforwardnessadded；heregardedhimselfasamonsterofdepravity。OneeveningIfoundhiminhischambersengageduponhisSisypheanlabourof\"tidyingup。\"A
heapofletters，photographs，andbillslaybeforehim。Hewastearingthemupandthrowingthemintothefire。
Icametowardshim，buthestoppedme。\"Don’tcomenearme，\"hecried，\"don’ttouchme。I’mnotfittoshakehandswithadecentman。\"
Itwasthesortofspeechtomakeonefeelhotanduncomfortable。I
didnotknowwhattoanswer，andmurmuredsomethingabouthisbeingnoworsethantheaverage。
\"Don’ttalklikethat，\"heansweredexcitedly；\"yousaythattocomfortme，Iknow；butIdon’tliketohearit。IfIthoughtothermenwerelikemeIshouldbeashamedofbeingaman。I’vebeenablackguard，oldfellow，but，pleaseGod，it’snottoolate。To—
morrowmorningIbeginanewlife。\"
Hefinishedhisworkofdestruction，andthenrangthebell，andsenthismandownstairsforabottleofchampagne。
\"Mylastdrink，\"hesaid，asweclickedglasses。\"Here’stotheoldlifeout，andthenewlifein。\"
Hetookasipandflungtheglasswiththeremainderintothefire。
Hewasalwaysalittletheatrical，especiallywhenmostinearnest。
ForalongwhileafterthatIsawnothingofhim。Then，oneevening，sittingdowntosupperatarestaurant，Inoticedhimoppositetomeincompanythatcouldhardlybecalleddoubtful。
Heflushedandcameovertome。\"I’vebeenanoldwomanfornearlysixmonths，\"hesaid，withalaugh。\"IfindIcan’tstanditanylonger。\"
\"Afterall，\"hecontinued，\"whatislifeforbuttolive？It’sonlyhypocriticaltotryandbeathingwearenot。Anddoyouknow\"——heleantacrossthetable，speakingearnestly——\"honestlyandseriously，I’mabetterman——Ifeelitandknowit——whenIammynaturalselfthanwhenIamtryingtobeanimpossiblesaint。\"
Thatwasthemistakehemade；healwaysrantoextremes。Hethoughtthatanoath，ifitwereonlybigenough，wouldfrightenawayHumanNature，insteadofservingonlyasachallengetoit。Accordingly，eachreformationwasmoreintemperatethanthelast，tobedulyfollowedbyagreaterswingofthependulumintheoppositedirection。
Beingnowinathoroughlyrecklessmood，hewentthepaceratherhotly。Then，oneevening，withoutanypreviouswarning，Ihadanotefromhim。\"ComeroundandseemeonThursday。Itismyweddingeve。\"
Iwent。Hewasoncemore\"tidyingup。\"Allhisdrawerswereopen，andonthetablewerepiledpacksofcards，bettingbooks，andmuchwrittenpaper，all，asbefore，incourseofdemolition。
Ismiled：Icouldnothelpit，and，nowayabashed，helaughedhisusualhearty，honestlaugh。
\"Iknow，\"heexclaimedgaily，\"butthisisnotthesameastheothers。\"
Then，layinghishandonmyshoulder，andspeakingwiththesuddenseriousnessthatcomessoreadilytoshallownatures，hesaid，\"Godhasheardmyprayer，oldfriend。HeknowsIamweak。HehassentdownanangeloutofHeaventohelpme。\"
Hetookherportraitfromthemantelpieceandhandeditme。Itseemedtomethefaceofahard，narrowwoman，but，ofcourse，heravedabouther。
Ashetalked，thereflutteredtothegroundfromtheheapbeforehimanoldrestaurantbill，and，stooping，hepickeditupandhelditinhishand，musing。
\"Haveyouevernoticedhowthescentofthechampagneandthecandlesseemstoclingtothesethings？\"hesaidlightly，sniffingcarelesslyatit。\"Iwonderwhat’sbecomeofher？\"
\"IthinkIwouldn’tthinkaboutheratalltonight，\"Ianswered。
Heloosenedhishand，lettingthepaperfallintothefire。
\"MyGod！\"hecriedvehemently，\"whenIthinkofallthewrongIhavedone——theirreparable，ever—wideningruinIhaveperhapsbroughtintotheworld——OGod！sparemealonglifethatImaymakeamends。
Everyhour，everyminuteofitshallbedevotedtoyourservice。\"
Ashestoodthere，withhiseagerboyisheyesupraised，alightseemedtofalluponhisfaceandillumineit。Ihadpushedthephotographbacktohim，anditlayuponthetablebeforehim。Hekneltandpressedhislipstoit。
\"Withyourhelp，mydarling，andHis，\"hemurmured。
Thenextmorninghewasmarried。Shewasawell—meaninggirl，thoughherpiety，asisthecasewithmostpeople，wasofthenegativeorder；andherantipathytothingsevilmuchstrongerthanhersympathywiththingsgood。ForalongertimethanIhadexpectedshekepthimstraight——perhapsalittletoostraight。Butatlasttherecametheinevitablerelapse。
Icalleduponhim，inanswertoanexcitedmessage，andfoundhiminthedepthsofdespair。Itwastheoldstory，humanweakness，combinedwithlamentablelackofthemostordinaryprecautionsagainstbeingfoundout。Hegavemedetails，interspersedwithexuberantdenunciationsofhimself，andIundertookthedelicatetaskofpeace—maker。
Itwasawearywork，buteventuallysheconsentedtoforgivehim。
Hisjoy，whenItoldhim，wasboundless。
\"Howgoodwomenare，\"hesaid，whilethetearscameintohiseyes。
\"Butsheshallnotrepentit。PleaseGod，fromthisdayforth，I’ll——\"
Hestopped，andforthefirsttimeinhislifethedoubtofhimselfcrossedhismind。AsIsatwatchinghim，thejoydiedoutofhisface，andthefirsthintofagepassedoverit。
\"Iseemtohavebeen’tidyingupandstartingafresh’allmylife，\"
hesaidwearily；\"I’mbeginningtoseewheretheuntidinesslies，andtheonlywaytogetridofit。\"
Ididnotunderstandthemeaningofhiswordsatthetime，butlearntitlateron。
Hestrove，accordingtohisstrength，andfell。Butbyamiraclehistransgressionwasnotdiscovered。Thefactscametolightlongafterwards，butatthetimetherewereonlytwowhoknew。
Itwashislastfailure。LateoneeveningIreceivedahurriedly—
scrawlednotefromhiswife，beggingmetocomeround。
\"Aterriblethinghashappened，\"itran；\"Charleywentuptohisstudyafterdinner，sayinghehadsome’tidyingup，’ashecallsit，todo，anddidnotwishtobedisturbed。Inclearingouthisdeskhemusthavehandledcarelesslytherevolverthathealwayskeepsthere，notremembering，Isuppose，thatitwasloaded。Weheardareport，andonrushingintotheroomfoundhimlyingdeadonthefloor。Thebullethadpassedrightthroughhisheart。\"
Hardlythetypeofmanforahero！AndyetIdonotknow。Perhapshefoughtharderthanmanyamanwhoconquers。Intheworld’scourts，wearecompelledtojudgeoncircumstantialevidenceonly，andthechiefwitness，theman’ssoul，cannotverywellbecalled。
Irememberthesubjectofbraverybeingdiscussedoneeveningatadinnerparty，whenaGermangentlemanpresentrelatedananecdote，theheroofwhichwasayoungPrussianofficer。
\"Icannotgiveyouhisname，\"ourGermanfriendexplained——\"themanhimselftoldmethestoryinconfidence；andthoughhepersonally，byvirtueofhisafterrecord，couldaffordtohaveitknown，thereareotherreasonswhyitshouldnotbebruitedabout。
\"HowIlearntitwasinthisway。ForadashingexploitperformedduringthebriefwaragainstAustriahehadbeenpresentedwiththeIronCross。This，asyouarewellaware，isthemosthighly—prizeddecorationinourarmy；menwhohaveearneditareusuallyconceitedaboutit，and，indeed，havesomeexcuseforbeingso。He，onthecontrary，kepthislockedinadrawerofhisdesk，andneverworeitexceptwhencompelledbyofficialetiquette。Themeresightofitseemedtobepainfultohim。OnedayIaskedhimthereason。Weareveryoldandclosefriends，andhetoldme。
\"Theincidentoccurredwhenhewasayounglieutenant。Indeed，itwashisfirstengagement。Bysomemeansoranotherhehadbecomeseparatedfromhiscompany，and，unabletoregainit，hadattachedhimselftoalineregimentstationedattheextremerightofthePrussianlines。
\"Theenemy’seffortwasmainlydirectedagainsttheleftcentre，andforawhileouryounglieutenantwasnothingmorethanadistantspectatorofthebattle。Suddenly，however，theattackshifted，andtheregimentfounditselfoccupyinganextremelyimportantandcriticalposition。Theshellsbegantofallunpleasantlynear，andtheorderwasgivento’grass。’
\"Themenfellupontheirfacesandwaited。Theshellsploughedthegroundaroundthem，smotheringthemwithdirt。Ahorrible，gripingpainstartedinmyyoungfriend’sstomach，andbegancreepingupwards。Hisheadandheartbothseemedtobeshrinkingandgrowingcold。Ashottoreofftheheadofthemannexttohim，sendingthebloodspurtingintohisface；aminutelateranotherrippedopenthebackofapoorfellowlyingtothefrontofhim。
\"Hisbodyseemednottobelongtohimselfatall。Astrange，shrivelledcreaturehadtakenpossessionofit。Heraisedhisheadandpeeredabouthim。Heandthreesoldiers——youngsters，likehimself，whohadneverbeforebeenunderfire——appearedtobeutterlyaloneinthathell。Theyweretheendmenoftheregiment，andtheconfigurationofthegroundcompletelyhidthemfromtheircomrades。
\"Theyglancedateachother，thesefour，andreadoneanother’sthoughts。Leavingtheirrifleslyingonthegrass，theycommencedtocrawlstealthilyupontheirbellies，thelieutenantleading，theotherthreefollowing。
\"Somefewhundredyardsinfrontofthemroseasmall，steephill。
Iftheycouldreachthisitwouldshutthemoutofsight。Theyhastenedon，pausingeverythirtyyardsorsotoliestillandpantforbreath，thenhurryingonagain，quickerthanbefore，tearingtheirfleshagainstthebrokenground。
\"Atlasttheyreachedthebaseoftheslope，andslinkingalittlewayroundit，raisedtheirheadsandlookedback。WheretheywereitwasimpossibleforthemtobeseenfromthePrussianlines。
\"Theysprangtotheirfeetandbrokeintoawildrace。AdozenstepsfurthertheycamefacetofacewithanAustrianfieldbattery。
\"Thedemonthathadtakenpossessionofthemhadbeengrowingstrongerthefurthertheyhadfled。Theywerenotmen，theywereanimalsmadwithfear。Drivenbythesamefrenzythatpromptedotherpanic—strickencreaturestooncerushdownasteepplaceintothesea，thesefourmen，withayell，flungthemselves，swordinhand，uponthewholebattery；andthewholebattery，bewilderedbythesuddennessandunexpectednessoftheattack，thinkingtheentirebattalionwasuponthem，gaveway，andrushedpell—melldownthehill。
\"WiththesightofthoseflyingAustriansthefear，asindependentlyasithadcometohim，lefthim，andhefeltonlyadesiretohackandkill。ThefourPrussiansflewafterthem，cuttingandstabbingatthemastheyran；andwhenthePrussiancavalrycamethunderingup，theyfoundmyyounglieutenantandhisthreefriendshadcapturedtwogunsandaccountedforhalfascoreoftheenemy。
\"Nextday，hewassummonedtoheadquarters。
\"’Willyoubegoodenoughtorememberforthefuture，sir，’saidtheChiefoftheStaff，’thatHisMajestydoesnotrequirehislieutenantstoexecutemanoeuvresontheirownresponsibility，andalsothattoattackabatterywiththreemenisnotwar，butdamnedtomfoolery。Yououghttobecourt—martialled，sir！’
\"Then，insomewhatdifferenttones，theoldsoldieradded，hisfacesofteningintoasmile：’However，alertnessanddaring，myyoungfriend，aregoodqualities，especiallywhencrownedwithsuccess。
IftheAustrianshadoncesucceededinplantingabatteryonthathillitmighthavebeendifficulttodislodgethem。Perhaps，underthecircumstances，HisMajestymayoverlookyourindiscretion。’
\"’HisMajestynotonlyoverlookedit，butbestoweduponmetheIronCross，’concludedmyfriend。’Forthecreditofthearmy，Ijudgeditbettertokeepquietandtakeit。But，asyoucanunderstand，thesightofitdoesnotrecallverypleasurablereflections。’\"
Toreturntomydiary，IseethatonNovember14thweheldanothermeeting。Butatthistherewerepresentonly\"Jephson，MacShaughnassy，andSelf\"；andofBrown’snameIfindhenceforthnofurthertrace。OnChristmasevewethreemetagain，andmynotesinformmethatMacShaughnassybrewedsomewhiskey—punch，accordingtoarecipeofhisown，arecordsuggestiveofasadChristmasforallthreeofus。Noparticularbusinessappearstohavebeenaccomplishedoneitheroccasion。
ThenthereisabreakuntilFebruary8th，andtheassemblagehasshrunkto\"JephsonandSelf。\"Withafinalflicker，asofadyingcandle，mydiaryatthispoint，however，growsluminous，sheddingmuchlightuponthatevening’sconversation。
Ourtalkseemstohavebeenofmanythings——ofmostthings，infact，exceptournovel。Amongothersubjectswespokeofliteraturegenerally。
\"Iamtiredofthiseternalcackleaboutbooks，\"saidJephson；
\"thesecolumnsofcriticismtoeverylineofwriting；theseendlessbooksaboutbooks；theseshrillpraisesandshrilldenunciations；
thissillyworshipofnovelistTom；thissillyhateofpoetDick；
thissillysquabblingoverplaywrightHarry。Thereisnosoberness，nosenseinitall。Onewouldthink，tolistentotheHighPriestsofCulture，thatmanwasmadeforliterature，notliteratureforman。ThoughtexistedbeforethePrintingPress；andthemenwhowrotethebesthundredbooksneverreadthem。Bookshavetheirplaceintheworld，buttheyarenotitspurpose。Theyarethingssidebysidewithbeefandmutton，thescentofthesea，thetouchofahand，thememoryofahope，andalltheotheritemsinthesum—
totalofourthree—scoreyearsandten。YetwespeakofthemasthoughtheywerethevoiceofLifeinsteadofmerelyitsfaintecho。
TalesaredelightfulAStales——sweetasprimrosesafterthelongwinter，restfulasthecawingofrooksatsunset。Butwedonotwrite’tales’now；weprepare’humandocuments’anddissectsouls。\"
Hebrokeoffabruptlyinthemidstofhistirade。\"Doyouknowwhatthese’psychologicalstudies，’thataresofashionablejustnow，alwaysmakemethinkof？\"hesaid。\"Onemonkeyexamininganothermonkeyforfleas。
\"Andwhat，afterall，doesourdissectingpenlaybare？\"hecontinued。\"Humannature？ormerelysomemoreorlessunsavouryundergarment，disguisinganddisfiguringhumannature？Thereisastorytoldofanelderlytramp，who，overtakenbymisfortune，wascompelledtoretireforawhiletotheseclusionofPortland。Hishosts，desiringtoseeasmuchaspossibleoftheirguestduringhislimitedstaywiththem，proceededtobathhim。Theybathedhimtwiceadayforaweek，eachtimelearningmoreofhim；untilatlasttheyreachedaflannelshirt。Andwiththattheyhadtobecontent，soapandwaterprovingpowerlesstogofurther。
\"Thattrampappearstomesymbolicalofmankind。HumanNaturehaswornitsconventionsforsolongthatitshabithasgrownontoit。
Inthisnineteenthcenturyitisimpossibletosaywheretheclothesofcustomendandthenaturalmanbegins。Ourvirtuesaretaughttousasabranchof’Deportment’；ourvicesaretherecognisedvicesofourreignandset。Ourreligionhangsready—madebesideourcradletobebuttoneduponusbylovinghands。Ourtastesweacquire，withdifficulty；oursentimentswelearnbyrote。Atcostofinfinitesuffering，westudytolovewhiskeyandcigars，highartandclassicalmusic。InoneageweadmireByronanddrinksweetchampagne：twentyyearslateritismorefashionabletopreferShelley，andwelikeourchampagnedry。AtschoolwearetoldthatShakespeareisagreatpoet，andthattheVenusdiMediciisafinepieceofsculpture；andsofortherestofourliveswegoaboutsayingwhatagreatpoetwethinkShakespeare，andthatthereisnopieceofsculpture，inouropinion，sofineastheVenusdiMedici。
IfweareFrenchmenweadoreourmother；ifEnglishmenwelovedogsandvirtue。Wegrieveforthedeathofanearrelativetwelvemonths；butforasecondcousinwesorrowonlythree。Thegoodmanhashisregulationexcellenciestostriveafter，hisregulationsinstorepentof。Iknewagoodmanwhowasquitetroubledbecausehewasnotproud，andcouldnot，therefore，withanyreasonableness，prayforhumility。Insocietyonemustneedsbecynicalandmildlywicked：inBohemia，orthodoxlyunorthodox。Iremembermymotherexpostulatingwithafriend，anactress，whohadleftadevotedhusbandandelopedwithadisagreeable，ugly，littlelowcomedian（I
amspeakingoflong，longago）。
\"’Youmustbemad，’saidmymother；’whatonearthinducedyoutotakesuchastep？’
\"’MydearEmma，’repliedthelady；’whatelsewasthereforme？YouknowIcan’tact。IhadtodoSOMETHINGtoshowIwas’anartiste！’
\"Wearedressed—upmarionettes。Ourvoiceisthevoiceoftheunseenshowman，Convention；ourverymovementsofpassionandpainarebutinanswertohisjerk。Amanresemblesoneofthosegiganticbundlesthatoneseesinnursemaids’arms。Itisverybulkyandverylong；itlooksamassofdelicatelaceandrichfurandfinewovenstuffs；andsomewhere，hiddenoutofsightamongthefinery，thereisatinyredbitofbewilderedhumanity，withnovoicebutafoolishcry。
\"Thereisbutonestory，\"hewenton，afteralongpause，utteringhisownthoughtsaloudratherthanspeakingtome。\"Wesitatourdesksandthinkandthink，andwriteandwrite，butthestoryiseverthesame。Mentolditandmenlistenedtoitmanyyearsago；
wearetellingittooneanotherto—day；weshallbetellingittooneanotherathousandyearshence；andthestoryis：’Onceuponatimetherelivedaman，andawomanwholovedhim。’Thelittlecriticcriesthatitisnotnew，andasksforsomethingfresh，thinking——aschildrendo——thattherearestrangethingsintheworld。\"
Atthatpointmynotesend，andthereisnothinginthebookbeyond。
Whetheranyofusthoughtanymoreofthenovel，whetherweevermetagaintodiscussit，whetheritwereeverbegun，whetheritwereeverabandoned——Icannotsay。ThereisafairystorythatIreadmany，manyyearsagothathasneverceasedtohauntme。Ittoldhowalittleboyonceclimbedarainbow。Andattheendoftherainbow，justbehindtheclouds，hefoundawondrouscity。Itshouseswereofgold，anditsstreetswerepavedwithsilver，andthelightthatshoneuponitwasasthelightthatliesuponthesleepingworldatdawn。Inthiscitytherewerepalacessobeautifulthatmerelytolookuponthemsatisfiedalldesires；templessoperfectthattheywhooncekneltthereinwerecleansedofsin。Andallthemenwhodweltinthiswondrouscityweregreatandgood，andthewomenfairerthanthewomenofayoungman’sdreams。Andthenameofthecitywas，\"Thecityofthethingsmenmeanttodo。\"