CHAPTERII
Ican’thonestlysaythatwemademuchprogressatourfirstmeeting。ItwasBrown’sfault。Hewouldbeginbytellingusastoryaboutadog。Itwastheold，oldstoryofthedogwhohadbeeninthehabitofgoingeverymorningtoacertainbaker’sshopwithapennyinhismouth，inexchangeforwhichhealwaysreceivedapennybun。Oneday，thebaker，thinkinghewouldnotknowthedifference，triedtopalmoffuponthepooranimalaha’pennybun，whereuponthedogwalkedstraightoutsideandfetchedinapoliceman。Brownhadheardthischestnutforthefirsttimethatafternoon，andwasfullofit。ItisalwaysamysterytomewhereBrownhasbeenforthelasthundredyears。Hestopsyouinthestreetwith，\"Oh，Imusttellyou！——suchacapitalstory！\"Andhethereuponproceedstorelatetoyou，withmuchspiritandgusto，oneofNoah’sbestknownjokes，orsomestorythatRomulusmusthaveoriginallytoldtoRemus。OneofthesedayssomebodywilltellhimthehistoryofAdamandEve，andhewillthinkhehasgotholdofanewplot，andwillworkitupintoanovel。
Hegivesforththesehoaryantiquitiesaspersonalreminiscencesofhisown，or，atfurthest，asepisodesinthelifeofhissecondcousin。Therearecertainstrangeandmovingcatastrophesthatwouldseemeithertohaveoccurredto，ortohavebeenwitnessedby，nearlyeveryoneyoumeet。Inevercameacrossamanyetwhohadnotseensomeothermanjerkedoffthetopofanomnibusintoamud—
cart。HalfLondonmust，atonetimeoranother，havebeenjerkedoffomnibusesintomud—carts，andhavebeenfishedoutattheendofashovel。
Thenthereisthetaleoftheladywhosehusbandistakensuddenlyillonenightatanhotel。Sherushesdownstairs，andpreparesastiffmustardplastertoputonhim，andrunsupwithitagain。Inherexcitement，however，shechargesintothewrongroom，and，rollingdownthebedclothes，pressesitlovinglyuponthewrongman。
IhaveheardthatstorysooftenthatIamquitenervousaboutgoingtobedinanhotelnow。Eachmanwhohastolditmehasinvariablysleptintheroomnextdoortothatofthevictim，andhasbeenawakenedbytheman’syellastheplastercamedownuponhim。Thatishowhe（thestory—teller）cametoknowallaboutit。
Brownwantedustobelievethatthisprehistoricanimalhehadbeentellingusabouthadbelongedtohisbrother—in—law，andwashurtwhenJephsonmurmured，sottovoce，thatthatmadethetwenty—eighthmanhehadmetwhosebrother—in—lawhadownedthatdog——tosaynothingofthehundredandseventeenwhohadowneditthemselves。
Wetriedtogettoworkafterwards，butBrownhadunsettledusfortheevening。Itisawickedthingtostartdogstoriesamongapartyofaveragesinfulmen。Letonemantelladogstory，andeveryothermanintheroomfeelshewantstotellabiggerone。
Thereisastorygoing——Icannotvouchforitstruth，itwastoldmebyajudge——ofamanwholaydying。Thepastoroftheparish，agoodandpiousman，cametositwithhim，and，thinkingtocheerhimup，toldhimananecdoteaboutadog。Whenthepastorhadfinished，thesickmansatup，andsaid，\"Iknowabetterstorythanthat。I
hadadogonce，abig，brown，lop—sided——\"
Theefforthadprovedtoomuchforhisstrength。Hefellbackuponthepillows，andthedoctor，steppingforward，sawthatitwasaquestiononlyofminutes。
Thegoodoldpastorrose，andtookthepoorfellow’shandinhis，andpressedit。\"Weshallmeetagain，\"hegentlysaid。
Thesickmanturnedtowardshimwithaconsoledandgratefullook。
\"I’mgladtohearyousaythat，\"hefeeblymurmured。\"Remindmeaboutthatdog。\"
Thenhepassedpeacefullyaway，withasweetsmileuponhispalelips。
Brown，whohadhadhisdogstoryandwassatisfied，wantedustosettleourheroine；buttherestofusdidnotfeelequaltosettlinganybodyjustthen。Wewerethinkingofallthetruedogstorieswehadeverheard，andwonderingwhichwastheoneleastlikelytobegenerallydisbelieved。
MacShaughnassy，inparticular，wasgrowingeverymomentmorerestlessandmoody。Brownconcludedalongdiscourse——towhichnobodyhadlistened——byremarkingwithsomepride，\"Whatmorecanyouwant？Theplothasneverbeenusedbefore，andthecharactersareentirelyoriginal！\"
ThenMacShaughnassygaveway。\"Talkingofplots，\"hesaid，hitchinghischairalittlenearerthetable，\"thatputsmeinmind。DidI
evertellyouaboutthatdogwehadwhenwelivedinNorwood？\"
\"It’snotthatoneaboutthebull—dog，isit？\"queriedJephsonanxiously。
\"Well，itwasabull—dog，\"admittedMacShaughnassy，\"butIdon’tthinkI’veevertoldityoubefore。\"
Weknew，byexperience，thattoarguethematterwouldonlyprolongthetorture，sowelethimgoon。
\"Agreatmanyburglarieshadlatelytakenplaceinourneighbourhood，\"hebegan，\"andthepatercametotheconclusionthatitwastimehelaiddownadog。Hethoughtabull—dogwouldbethebestforhispurpose，andhepurchasedthemostsavageandmurderous—lookingspecimenthathecouldfind。
\"Mymotherwasalarmedwhenshesawthedog。’Surelyyou’renotgoingtoletthatbrutelooseaboutthehouse！’sheexclaimed。
’He’llkillsomebody。Icanseeitinhisface。’
\"’Iwanthimtokillsomebody，’repliedmyfather；’Iwanthimtokillburglars。’
\"’Idon’tliketohearyoutalklikethat，Thomas，’answeredthemater；’it’snotlikeyou。We’vearighttoprotectourproperty，butwe’venorighttotakeafellowhumancreature’slife。’
\"’Ourfellowhumancreatureswillbeallright——solongastheydon’tcomeintoourkitchenwhenthey’venobusinessthere，’
retortedmyfather，somewhattestily。’I’mgoingtofixupthisdoginthescullery，andifaburglarcomesfoolingaround——well，that’sHISaffair。’
\"Theoldfolksquarrelledonandoffforaboutamonthoverthisdog。Thedadthoughtthematerabsurdlysentimental，andthematerthoughtthedadunnecessarilyvindictive。Meanwhilethedoggrewmoreferocious—lookingeveryday。
\"Onenightmymotherwokemyfatherupwith：’Thomas，there’saburglardownstairs，I’mpositive。Idistinctlyheardthekitchendooropen。’
\"’Oh，well，thedog’sgothimbynow，then，’murmuredmyfather，whohadheardnothing，andwassleepy。
\"’Thomas，’repliedmymotherseverely，’I’mnotgoingtolieherewhileafellow—creatureisbeingmurderedbyasavagebeast。Ifyouwon’tgodownandsavethatman’slife，Iwill。’
\"’Oh，bother，’saidmyfather，preparingtogetup。’You’realwaysfancyingyouhearnoises。Ibelievethat’sallyouwomencometobedfor——tositupandlistenforburglars。’Justtosatisfyher，however，hepulledonhistrousersandsocks，andwentdown。
\"Well，sureenough，mymotherwasright，thistime。ThereWASaburglarinthehouse。Thepantrywindowstoodopen，andalightwasshininginthekitchen。Myfathercreptsoftlyforward，andpeepedthroughthepartlyopendoor。Theresattheburglar，eatingcoldbeefandpickles，andthere，besidehim，onthefloor，gazingupintohisfacewithablood—curdlingsmileofaffection，satthatidiotofadog，wagginghistail。
\"Myfatherwassotakenabackthatheforgottokeepsilent。
\"’Well，I’m——，’andheusedawordthatIshouldnotcaretorepeattoyoufellows。
\"Theburglar，hearinghim，madeadash，andgotclearoffbythewindow；andthedogseemedvexedwithmyfatherforhavingdrivenhimaway。
\"Nextmorningwetookthedogbacktothetrainerfromwhomwehadboughtit。
\"’WhatdoyouthinkIwantedthisdogfor？’askedmyfather，tryingtospeakcalmly。
\"’Well，’repliedthetrainer，’yousaidyouwantedagoodhousedog。’
\"’Exactlyso，’answeredthedad。’Ididn’taskforaburglar’scompanion，didI？Ididn’tsayIwantedadogwho’dchumonwithaburglarthefirsttimeheevercametothehouse，andsitwithhimwhilehehadsupper，incasehemightfeellonesome，didI？’Andmyfatherrecountedtheincidentsofthepreviousnight。
\"Themanagreedthattherewascauseforcomplaint。’I’lltellyouwhatitis，sir，’hesaid。’ItwasmyboyJimastrainedthis’eredawg，andIguesstheyoungbeggar’staught’immoreabouttacklingratsthanburglars。Youleave’imwithmeforaweek，sir；I’llputthatallright。’
\"Wedidso，andattheendofthetimethetrainerbroughthimbackagain。
\"’You’llfind’imgameenoughnow，sir，’saidtheman。’’Eain’twhatIcallanintellectualdawg，butIthinkI’veknockedtherightideainto’im。’
\"Myfatherthoughthe’dliketotestthematter，sowehiredamanforashillingtobreakinthroughthekitchenwindowwhilethetrainerheldthedogbyachain。Thedogremainedperfectlyquietuntilthemanwasfairlyinside。Thenhemadeonesavagespringathim，andifthechainhadnotbeenstoutthefellowwouldhaveearnedhisshillingdearly。
\"Thedadwassatisfiednowthathecouldgotobedinpeace；andthemater’salarmforthesafetyofthelocalburglarswasproportionatelyincreased。
\"Monthspasseduneventfullyby，andthenanotherburglarsampledourhouse。Thistimetherecouldbenodoubtthatthedogwasdoingsomethingforhisliving。Thedininthebasementwasterrific。
Thehouseshookwiththeconcussionoffallingbodies。
\"Myfathersnatcheduphisrevolverandrusheddownstairs，andI
followedhim。Thekitchenwasinconfusion。Tablesandchairswereoverturned，andonthefloorlayamangurglingforhelp。Thedogwasstandingoverhim，chokinghim。
\"Thepaterheldhisrevolvertotheman’sear，whileI，bysuperhumaneffort，draggedourpreserveraway，andchainedhimuptothesink，afterwhichIlitthegas。
\"Thenweperceivedthatthegentlemanonthefloorwasapoliceconstable。
\"’Goodheavens！’exclaimedmyfather，droppingtherevolver，’howeverdidyoucomehere？’
\"’’OwdidIcome’ere？’retortedtheman，sittingupandspeakinginatoneofbitter，butnotunnatural，indignation。’Why，inthecourseofmydooty，that’s’owIcome’ere。Iseeaburglargettinginthroughthewindow，soIjustfollowsandslipsinafter’im。’
\"’Didyoucatchhim？’askedmyfather。
\"’DidIcatch’im！’almostshriekedtheman。\"OwcouldIcatch’imwiththatblasteddogofyours’oldingmedownbythethroat，while’elights’ispipeandwalksoutbythebackdoor？’
\"Thedogwasforsalethenextday。Themater，whohadgrowntolikehim，becauseheletthebabypullhistail，wantedustokeephim。Themistake，shesaid，wasnottheanimal’sfault。Twomenbrokeintothehousealmostatthesametime。Thedogcouldnotgoforbothofthem。Hedidhisbest，andwentforone。Thathisselectionshouldhavefallenuponthepolicemaninsteadofupontheburglarwasunfortunate。Butstillitwasathingthatmighthavehappenedtoanydog。
\"Myfather，however，hadbecomeprejudicedagainstthepoorcreature，andthatsameweekheinsertedanadvertisementinTheField，inwhichtheanimalwasrecommendedasaninvestmentlikelytoproveusefultoanyenterprisingmemberofthecriminalclasses。\"
MacShaughnassyhavinghadhisinnings，Jephsontookaturn，andtoldusapatheticstoryaboutanunfortunatemongrelthatwasrunoverintheStrandonedayanditslegbroken。Amedicalstudent，whowaspassingatthetime，pickeditupandcarriedittotheCharingCrossHospital，whereitslegwasset，andwhereitwaskeptandtendeduntilitwasquiteitselfagain，whenitwassenthome。
Thepoorthinghadquiteunderstoodwhatwasbeingdoneforit，andhadbeenthemostgratefulpatienttheyhadeverhadinthehospital。Thewholestaffwerequitesorrywhenitleft。
Onemorning，aweekortwolater，thehouse—surgeon，lookingoutofthewindow，sawthedogcomingdownthestreet。Whenitcamenearhenoticedthatithadapennyinitsmouth。Acat’s—meatbarrowwasstandingbythekerb，andforamoment，ashepassedit，thedoghesitated。
Buthisnoblernatureasserteditself，and，walkingstraightuptothehospitalrailings，andraisinghimselfuponhishindlegs，hedroppedhispennyintothecontributionbox。
MacShaughnassywasmuchaffectedbythisstory。Hesaiditshowedsuchabeautifultraitinthedog’scharacter。Theanimalwasapooroutcast，vagrantthing，thathadperhapsneverpossessedapennybeforeinallitslife，andmightneverhaveanother。Hesaidthatdog’spennyseemedtohimtobeagreatergiftthanthebiggestchequethatthewealthiestpatroneversigned。
Theotherthreewereveryeagernowtogettoworkonthenovel，butIdidnotquiteseethefairnessofthis。Ihadoneortwodogstoriesofmyown。
Iknewablack—and—tanterrieryearsago。Helodgedinthesamehousewithme。Hedidnotbelongtoanyone。Hehaddischargedhisowner（if，indeed，hehadeverpermittedhimselftopossessone，whichisdoubtful，havingregardtohisaggressivelyindependentcharacter），andwasnowrunninghimselfentirelyonhisownaccount。
Heappropriatedthefronthallforhissleeping—apartment，andtookhismealswiththeotherlodgers——whenevertheyhappenedtobehavingmeals。
Atfiveo’clockhewouldtakeanearlymorningsnackwithyoungHollis，anengineer’spupil，whohadtogetupathalf—pastfourandmakehisowncoffee，soastobedownattheworksbysix。Ateight—thirtyhewouldbreakfastinamoresensiblefashionwithMr。
Blair，onthefirstfloor，andonoccasionswouldjoinJackGadbut，whowasalateriser，inadevilledkidneyateleven。
Fromthentillaboutfive，whenIgenerallyhadacupofteaandachop，heregularlydisappeared。Wherehewentandwhathedidbetweenthosehoursnobodyeverknew。Gadbutsworethattwicehehadmethimcomingoutofastockbroker’sofficeinThreadneedleStreet，and，improbablethoughthestatementatfirstappeared，somecolourofcredibilitybegantoattachtoitwhenwereflecteduponthedog’sinordinatepassionforacquiringandhoardingcoppers。
Thiscravingofhisforwealthwasreallyquiteremarkable。Hewasanelderlydog，withagreatsenseofhisowndignity；yet，onthepromiseofapenny，Ihaveseenhimrunroundafterhisowntailuntilhedidn’tknowoneendofhimselffromtheother。
Heusedtoteachhimselftricks，andgofromroomtoroomintheevening，performingthem，andwhenhehadcompletedhisprogrammehewouldsitupandbeg。Allthefellowsusedtohumourhim。Hemusthavemadepoundsinthecourseoftheyear。
Once，justoutsideourdoor，Isawhimstandinginacrowd，watchingaperformingpoodleattachedtoahurdy—gurdy。Thepoodlestoodonhishead，andthen，withhishindlegsintheair，walkedroundonhisfrontpaws。Thepeoplelaughedverymuch，and，whenafterwardshecameamongstthemwithhiswoodensaucerinhismouth，theygavefreely。
Ourdogcameinandimmediatelycommencedtostudy。InthreedaysHEcouldstandonhisheadandwalkroundonhisfrontlegs，andthefirsteveninghedidsohemadesixpence。Itmusthavebeenterriblyhardworkforhimathisage，andsubjecttorheumatismashewas；buthewoulddoanythingformoney。Ibelievehewouldhavesoldhimselftothedevilforeightpencedown。
Heknewthevalueofmoney。Ifyouheldouttohimapennyinonehandandathreepenny—bitintheother，hewouldsnatchatthethreepence，andthenbreakhisheartbecausehecouldnotgetthepennyinaswell。Youmightsafelyhavelefthimintheroomwithalegofmutton，butitwouldnothavebeenwisetoleaveyourpurseabout。
Nowandthenhespentalittle，butnotoften。Hewasdesperatelyfondofsponge—cakes，andoccasionally，whenhehadhadagoodweek，hewouldindulgehimselftotheextentofoneortwo。Buthehatedpayingforthem，andalwaysmadeafranticandfrequentlysuccessfulefforttogetoffwiththecakeandthepennyalso。Hisplanofoperationswassimple。Hewouldwalkintotheshopwithhispennyinhismouth，welldisplayed，andasweetandlamblikeexpressioninhiseyes。Takinghisstandasneartothecakesashecouldget，andfixinghiseyesaffectionatelyuponthem，hewouldbegintowhine，andtheshopkeeper，thinkinghewasdealingwithanhonestdog，wouldthrowhimone。
Togetthecakehewasobliged，ofcourse，todropthepenny，andthenbeganastrugglebetweenhimandtheshopkeeperforthepossessionofthecoin。Themanwouldtrytopickitup。Thedogwouldputhisfootuponit，andgrowlsavagely。Ifhecouldfinishthecakebeforethecontestwasover，hewouldsnapupthepennyandbolt。Ihaveknownhimtocomehomegorgedwithsponge—cakes，theoriginalpennystillinhismouth。
Sonotoriousthroughouttheneighbourhooddidthisdishonestpracticeofhisbecome，that，afteratime，themajorityofthelocaltradespeoplerefusedtoservehimatall。Onlytheexceptionallyquickandable—bodiedwouldattempttodobusinesswithhim。
Thenhetookhiscustomfurtherafield，intodistrictswherehisreputationhadnotyetpenetrated。Andhewouldpickoutshopskeptbynervousfemalesorrheumaticoldmen。
Theysaythattheloveofmoneyistherootofallevil。Itseemedtohaverobbedhimofeveryshredofprinciple。
Itrobbedhimofhislifeintheend，andthatcameaboutinthisway。HehadbeenperformingoneeveninginGadbut’sroom，whereafewofusweresittingsmokingandtalking；andyoungHollis，beinginagenerousmood，hadthrownhim，ashethought，asixpence。Thedoggrabbedit，andretiredunderthesofa。Thiswasanoddthingforhimtodo，andwecommenteduponit。SuddenlyathoughtoccurredtoHollis，andhetookouthismoneyandbegancountingit。
\"ByJove，\"heexclaimed，\"I’vegiventhatlittlebeasthalf—a—
sovereign——here，Tiny！\"
ButTinyonlybackedfurtherunderneaththesofa，andnomereverbalinvitationwouldinducehimtostir。Soweadoptedamorepressingplan，andcoaxedhimoutbythescruffofhisneck。
Hecame，aninchatatime，growlingviciously，andholdingHollis’shalf—sovereigntightbetweenhisteeth。Wetriedsweetreasonablenessatfirst。Weofferedhimasixpenceinexchange；helookedinsulted，andevidentlyconsideredtheproposalastantamounttoourcallinghimafool。Wemadeitashilling，thenhalf—a—
crown——heseemedonlyboredbyourpersistence。
\"Idon’tthinkyou’lleverseethishalf—sovereignagain，Hollis，\"
saidGadbut，laughing。Weall，withtheexceptionofyoungHollis，thoughttheaffairaverygoodjoke。He，onthecontrary，seemedannoyed，and，takingthedogfromGadbut，madeanattempttopullthecoinoutofitsmouth。
Tiny，truetohislife—longprincipleofneverpartingifhecouldpossiblyhelpit，heldonlikegrimdeath，until，feelingthathislittleearningswereslowlybutsurelygoingfromhim，hemadeonefinaldesperatesnatch，andswallowedthemoney。Itstuckinhisthroat，andhebegantochoke。
Thenwebecameseriouslyalarmedforthedog。Hewasanamusingchap，andwedidnotwantanyaccidenttohappentohim。Hollisrushedintohisroomandprocuredalongpairofpincers，andtherestofusheldthelittlemiserwhileHollistriedtorelievehimofthecauseofhissuffering。
ButpoorTinydidnotunderstandourintentions。Hestillthoughtwewereseekingtorobhimofhisnight’stakings，andresistedvehemently。Hisstrugglesfixedthecoinfirmer，and，inspiteofourefforts，hedied——onemorevictim，amongmany，tothefiercefeverforgold。
Idreamtaverycuriousdreamaboutrichesonce，thatmadeagreatimpressionuponme。IthoughtthatIandafriend——averydearfriend——werelivingtogetherinastrangeoldhouse。Idon’tthinkanybodyelsedweltinthehousebutjustwetwo。Oneday，wanderingaboutthisstrangeoldramblingplace，Idiscoveredthehiddendoorofasecretroom，andinthisroomweremanyiron—boundchests，andwhenIraisedtheheavylidsIsawthateachchestwasfullofgold。
And，whenIsawthis，Istoleoutsoftlyandclosedthehiddendoor，anddrewtheworntapestriesinfrontofitagain，andcreptbackalongthedimcorridor，lookingbehindme，fearfully。
AndthefriendthatIhadlovedcametowardsme，andwewalkedtogetherwithourhandsclasped。ButIhatedhim。
AndalldaylongIkeptbesidehim，orfollowedhimunseen，lestbychanceheshouldlearnthesecretofthathiddendoor；andatnightIlayawakewatchinghim。
ButonenightIsleep，and，whenIopenmyeyes，heisnolongernearme。Irunswiftlyupthenarrowstairsandalongthesilentcorridor。Thetapestryisdrawnaside，andthehiddendoorstandsopen，andintheroombeyondthefriendthatIlovediskneelingbeforeanopenchest，andtheglintofthegoldisinmyeyes。
Hisbackistowardsme，andIcrawlforwardinchbyinch。Ihaveaknifeinmyhand，withastrong，curvedblade；andwhenIamnearenoughIkillhimashekneelsthere。
Hisbodyfallsagainstthedoor，anditshutstowithaclang，andI
trytoopenit，andcannot。Ibeatmyhandsagainstitsironnails，andscream，andthedeadmangrinsatme。Thelightstreamsinthroughthechinkbeneaththemassivedoor，andfades，andcomesagain，andfadesagain，andIgnawattheoakenlidsoftheiron—
boundchests，forthemadnessofhungerisclimbingintomybrain。
ThenIawake，andfindthatIreallyamhungry，andrememberthatinconsequenceofaheadacheIdidnoteatanydinner。SoIsliponafewclothes，andgodowntothekitchenonaforagingexpedition。
Itissaidthatdreamsaremomentaryconglomerationsofthought，centringroundtheincidentthatawakensus，and，aswithmostscientificfacts，thisisoccasionallytrue。Thereisonedreamthat，withslightvariations，iscontinuallyrecurringtome。OverandoveragainIdreamthatIamsuddenlycalledupontoactanimportantpartinsomepieceattheLyceum。ThatpoorMr。Irvingshouldinvariablybethevictimseemsunfair，butreallyitisentirelyhisownfault。Itishewhopersuadesandurgesme。I
myselfwouldmuchprefertoremainquietlyinbed，andItellhimso。Butheinsistsonmygettingupatonceandcomingdowntothetheatre。IexplaintohimthatIcan’tactabit。Heseemstoconsiderthisunimportant，andsays，\"Oh，thatwillbeallright。\"
Weargueforawhile，buthemakesthematterquiteapersonalone，andtoobligehimandgethimoutofthebedroomIconsent，thoughmuchagainstmyownjudgment。Igenerallydressthecharacterinmynightshirt，thoughononeoccasion，forBanquo，Iworepyjamas，andIneverrememberasinglewordofwhatIoughttosay。HowIgetthroughIdonotknow。Irvingcomesupafterwardsandcongratulatesme，butwhetheruponthebrilliancyofmyperformance，oruponmyluckingettingoffthestagebeforeabrickbatisthrownatme，I
cannotsay。
WheneverIdreamthisincidentIinvariablywakeuptofindthatthebedclothesareonthefloor，andthatIamshiveringwithcold；anditisthisshivering，Isuppose，thatcausesmetodreamIamwanderingabouttheLyceumstageinnothingbutmynightshirt。ButstillIdonotunderstandwhyitshouldalwaysbetheLyceum。
AnotherdreamwhichIfancyIhavedreamtmorethanonce——or，ifnot，IhavedreamtthatIdreamtitbefore，athingonesometimesdoes——isoneinwhichIamwalkingdownaverywideandverylongroadintheEastEndofLondon。Itisacuriousroadtofindthere。
Omnibusesandtramspassupanddown，anditiscrowdedwithstallsandbarrows，besidewhichmeningreasycapsstandshouting；yetoneachsideitisborderedbyastripoftropicalforest。Theroad，infact，combinestheadvantagesofKewandWhitechapel。
Someoneiswithme，butIcannotseehim，andwewalkthroughtheforest，pushingourwayamongthetangledvinesthatclingaboutourfeet，andeverynowandthen，betweenthegianttree—trunks，wecatchglimpsesofthenoisystreet。
Attheendofthisroadthereisanarrowturning，andwhenIcometoitIamafraid，thoughIdonotknowwhyIamafraid。ItleadstoahousethatIoncelivedinwhenachild，andnowthereissomeonewaitingtherewhohassomethingtotellme。
Iturntorunaway。ABlackwall’busispassing，andItrytoovertakeit。Butthehorsesturnintoskeletonsandgallopawayfromme，andmyfeetarelikelead，andthethingthatiswithme，andthatIcannotsee，seizesmebythearmanddragsmeback。
Itforcesmealong，andintothehouse，andthedoorslamstobehindus，andthesoundechoesthroughthelifelessrooms。Irecognisetherooms；Ilaughedandcriedinthemlongago。Nothingischanged。Thechairsstandintheirplaces，empty。Mymother’sknittingliesuponthehearthrug，wherethekitten，Iremember，draggedit，somewherebackinthesixties。
Igoupintomyownlittleattic。Mycotstandsinthecorner，andmybrickslietumbledoutuponthefloor（Iwasalwaysanuntidychild）。Anoldmanenters——anold，bent，witheredman——holdingalampabovehishead，andIlookathisface，anditismyownface。
Andanotherenters，andhealsoismyself。Thenmoreandmore，tilltheroomisthrongedwithfaces，andthestair—waybeyond，andallthesilenthouse。Someofthefacesareoldandothersyoung，andsomearefairandsmileatme，andmanyarefoulandleeratme。
Andeveryfaceismyownface，butnotwoofthemarealike。
Idonotknowwhythesightofmyselfshouldalarmmeso，butIrushfromthehouseinterror，andthefacesfollowme；andIrunfasterandfaster，butIknowthatIshallneverleavethembehindme。
Asaruleoneistheheroofone’sowndreams，butattimesIhavedreamtadreamentirelyinthethirdperson——adreamwiththeincidentsofwhichIhavehadnoconnectionwhatever，exceptasanunseenandimpotentspectator。OneoftheseIhaveoftenthoughtaboutsince，wonderingifitcouldnotbeworkedupintoastory。
But，perhaps，itwouldbetoopainfulatheme。
IdreamtIsawawoman’sfaceamongathrong。Itisanevilface，butthereisastrangebeautyinit。Theflickeringgleamsthrownbystreetlampsflashdownuponit，showingthewonderofitsevilfairness。Thenthelightsgoout。
Iseeitnextinaplacethatisveryfaraway，anditisevenmorebeautifulthanbefore，fortheevilhasgoneoutofit。Anotherfaceislookingdownintoit，abright，pureface。Thefacesmeetandkiss，and，ashislipstouchhers，thebloodmountstohercheeksandbrow。Iseethetwofacesagain。ButIcannottellwheretheyareorhowlongatimehaspassed。Theman’sfacehasgrownalittleolder，butitisstillyoungandfair，andwhenthewoman’seyesrestuponittherecomesagloryintoherfacesothatitislikethefaceofanangel。Butattimesthewomanisalone，andthenIseetheoldevillookstrugglingback。
ThenIseeclearer。Iseetheroominwhichtheylive。Itisverypoor。Anold—fashionedpianostandsinonecorner，andbesideitisatableonwhichliescatteredatumbledmassofpapersroundanink—stand。Anemptychairwaitsbeforethetable。Thewomansitsbytheopenwindow。
Fromfarbelowthererisesthesoundofagreatcity。Itslightsthrowupfaintbeamsintothedarkroom。Thesmellofitsstreetsisinthewoman’snostrils。
Everynowandagainshelookstowardsthedoorandlistens：thenturnstotheopenwindow。AndInoticethateachtimeshelookstowardsthedoortheevilinherfaceshrinksback；buteachtimesheturnstothewindowitgrowsmorefierceandsullen。
Suddenlyshestartsup，andthereisaterrorinhereyesthatfrightensmeasIdream，andIseegreatbeadsofsweatuponherbrow。Then，veryslowly，herfacechanges，andIseeagaintheevilcreatureofthenight。Shewrapsaroundheranoldcloak，andcreepsout。Ihearherfootstepsgoingdownthestairs。Theygrowfainterandfainter。Ihearadooropen。Theroarofthestreetsrushesupintothehouse，andthewoman’sfootstepsareswallowedup。
Timedriftsonwardthroughmydream。Sceneschange，takeshape，andfade；butallisvagueandundefined，until，outofthedimness，therefashionsitselfalong，desertedstreet。Thelightsmakeglisteningcirclesonthewetpavement。Afigure，dressedingaudyrags，slinksby，keepingcloseagainstthewall。Itsbackistowardsme，andIdonotseeitsface。Anotherfigureglidesfromouttheshadows。Ilookuponitsface，andIseeitisthefacethatthewoman’seyesgazedupintoandworshippedlongago，whenmydreamwasjustbegun。Butthefairnessandthepurityaregonefromit，anditisoldandevil，asthewoman’swhenIlookeduponherlast。Thefigureinthegaudyragsmovesslowlyon。Thesecondfigurefollowsit，andovertakesit。Thetwopause，andspeaktooneanotherastheydrawnear。Thestreetisverydarkwheretheyhavemet，andthefigureinthegaudyragskeepsitsfacestillturnedaside。Theywalktogetherinsilence，tilltheycometowhereaflaringgas—lamphangsbeforeatavern；andtherethewomanturns，andIseethatitisthewomanofmydream。Andsheandthemanlookintoeachother’seyesoncemore。
InanotherdreamthatIremember，anangel（oradevil，Iamnotquitesurewhich）hascometoamanandtoldhimthatsolongashelovesnolivinghumanthing——solongasheneversuffershimselftofeelonetouchoftendernesstowardswifeorchild，towardskithorkin，towardsstrangerortowardsfriend，solongwillhesucceedandprosperinhisdealings——solongwillallthisworld’saffairsgowellwithhim；andhewillgroweachdayricherandgreaterandmorepowerful。Butifeverheletonekindlythoughtforlivingthingcomeintohisheart，inthatmomentallhisplansandschemeswilltoppledownabouthisears；andfromthathourhisnamewillbedespisedbymen，andthenforgotten。
Andthemantreasuresupthesewords，forheisanambitiousman，andwealthandfameandpowerarethesweetestthingsinalltheworldtohim。Awomanloveshimanddies，thirstingforalovinglookfromhim；children’sfootstepscreepintohislifeandstealawayagain，oldfacesfadeandnewonescomeandgo。
Butneverakindlytouchofhishandrestsonanylivingthing；
neverakindlywordcomesfromhislips；neverakindlythoughtspringsfromhisheart。Andinallhisdoingsfortunefavourshim。
Theyearspassby，andatlastthereislefttohimonlyonethingthatheneedfear——achild’ssmall，wistfulface。Thechildloveshim，asthewoman，longago，hadlovedhim，andhereyesfollowhimwithahungry，beseechinglook。Buthesetshisteeth，andturnsawayfromher。
Thelittlefacegrowsthin，andonedaytheycometohimwherehesitsbeforethekeyboardofhismanyenterprises，andtellhimsheisdying。Hecomesandstandsbesidethebed，andthechild’seyesopenandturntowardshim；and，ashedrawsnearer，herlittlearmsstretchouttowardshim，pleadingdumbly。Buttheman’sfaceneverchanges，andthelittlearmsfallfeeblybackuponthetumbledcoverlet，andthewistfuleyesgrowstill，andawomanstepssoftlyforward，anddrawsthelidsdownoverthem；thenthemangoesbacktohisplansandschemes。
Butinthenight，whenthegreathouseissilent，hestealsuptotheroomwherethechildstilllies，andpushesbackthewhite，unevensheet。
\"Dead——dead，\"hemutters。Thenhetakesthetinycorpseupinhisarms，andholdsittightagainsthisbreast，andkissesthecoldlips，andthecoldcheeks，andthelittle，cold，stiffhands。
Andatthatpointmystorybecomesimpossible，forIdreamthatthedeadchildliesalwaysbeneaththesheetinthatquietroom，andthatthelittlefaceneverchanges，northelimbsdecay。
Ipuzzleaboutthisforaninstant，butsoonforgettowonder；forwhentheDreamFairytellsustalesweareonlyaslittlechildren，sittingroundwithopeneyes，believingall，thoughmarvellingthatsuchthingsshouldbe。
Eachnight，whenallelseinthehousesleeps，thedoorofthatroomopensnoiselessly，andthemanentersandclosesitbehindhim。
Eachnighthedrawsawaythewhitesheet，andtakesthesmalldeadbodyinhisarms；andthroughthedarkhourshepacessoftlytoandfro，holdingitcloseagainsthisbreast，kissingitandcrooningtoit，likeamothertohersleepingbaby。
Whenthefirstrayofdawnpeepsintotheroom，helaysthedeadchildbackagain，andsmoothsthesheetaboveher，andstealsaway。
Andhesucceedsandprospersinallthings，andeachdayhegrowsricherandgreaterandmorepowerful。
CHAPTERIII
Wehadmuchtroublewithourheroine。Brownwantedherugly。
Brown’schiefambitioninlifeistobeoriginal，andhismethodofobtainingtheoriginalistotaketheunoriginalandturnitupsidedown。
IfBrownweregivenalittleplanetofhisowntodoashelikedwith，hewouldcallday，night，andsummer，winter。Hewouldmakeallhismenandwomenwalkontheirheadsandshakehandswiththeirfeet，histreeswouldgrowwiththeirrootsintheair，andtheoldcockwouldlayalltheeggswhilethehenssatonthefenceandcrowed。Thenhewouldstepbackandsay，\"SeewhatanoriginalworldIhavecreated，entirelymyownidea！\"
TherearemanyotherpeoplebesidesBrownwhosenotionoforiginalitywouldseemtobepreciselysimilar。
Iknowalittlegirl，thedescendantofalonglineofpoliticians。
Thehereditaryinstinctissostronglydevelopedinherthatsheisalmostincapableofthinkingforherself。Instead，shecopiesineverythinghereldersister，whotakesmoreafterthemother。Ifhersisterhastwohelpingsofricepuddingforsupper，thenshehastwohelpingsofricepudding。Ifhersisterisn’thungryanddoesn’twantanysupperatall，thenshegoestobedwithoutanysupper。
Thislackofcharacterinthechildtroubleshermother，whoisnotanadmirerofthepoliticalvirtues，andoneevening，takingthelittleoneonherlap，shetalkedseriouslytoher。
\"Dotrytothinkforyourself，\"saidshe。\"Don’talwaysdojustwhatJessiedoes，that’ssilly。Haveanideaofyourownnowandthen。Bealittleoriginal。\"
Thechildpromisedshe’dtry，andwenttobedthoughtful。
Nextmorning，forbreakfast，adishofkippersandadishofkidneyswereplacedonthetable，sidebyside。Nowthechildlovedkipperswithanaffectionthatamountedalmosttopassion，whilesheloathedkidneysworsethanpowders。Itwastheonesubjectonwhichshedidknowherownmind。
\"Akidneyorakipperforyou，Jessie？\"askedthemother，addressingtheelderchildfirst。
Jessiehesitatedforamoment，whilehersistersatregardingherinanagonyofsuspense。
\"Kipper，please，ma，\"Jessieansweredatlast，andtheyoungerchildturnedherheadawaytohidethetears。
\"You’llhaveakipper，ofcourse，Trixy？\"saidthemother，whohadnoticednothing。
\"No，thankyou，ma，\"saidthesmallheroine，stiflingasob，andspeakinginadry，tremulousvoice，\"I’llhaveakidney。\"
\"ButIthoughtyoucouldn’tbearkidneys，\"exclaimedhermother，surprised。
\"No，ma，Idon’tlike’emmuch。\"
\"Andyou’resofondofkippers！\"
\"Yes，ma。\"
\"Well，then，whyonearthdon’tyouhaveone？\"
\"’CosJessie’sgoingtohaveone，andyoutoldmetobeoriginal，\"
andherethepoormite，reflectinguponthepriceheroriginalitywasgoingtocosther，burstintotears。
TheotherthreeofusrefusedtosacrificeourselvesuponthealtarofBrown’soriginality。Wedecidedtobecontentwiththecustomarybeautifulgirl。
\"Goodorbad？\"queriedBrown。
\"Bad，\"respondedMacShaughnassyemphatically。\"Whatdoyousay，Jephson？\"
\"Well，\"repliedJephson，takingthepipefrombetweenhislips，andspeakinginthatsoothinglymelancholytoneofvoicethathenevervaries，whethertellingajokeaboutaweddingorananecdoterelatingtoafuneral，\"notaltogetherbad。Bad，withgoodinstincts，thegoodinstinctswellundercontrol。\"
\"Iwonderwhyitis，\"murmuredMacShaughnassyreflectively，\"thatbadpeoplearesomuchmoreinterestingthangood。\"
\"Idon’tthinkthereasonisverydifficulttofind，\"answeredJephson。\"There’smoreuncertaintyaboutthem。Theykeepyoumoreonthealert。It’slikethedifferencebetweenridingawell—
broken，steady—goinghackandalivelyyoungcoltwithideasofhisown。Theoneiscomfortabletotravelon，buttheotherprovidesyouwithmoreexercise。Ifyoustartoffwithathoroughlygoodwomanforyourheroineyougiveyourstoryawayinthefirstchapter。Everybodyknowspreciselyhowshewillbehaveundereveryconceivablecombinationofcircumstancesinwhichyoucanplaceher。
Oneveryoccasionshewilldothesamething——thatistherightthing。
\"Withabadheroine，ontheotherhand，youcanneverbequitesurewhatisgoingtohappen。Outofthefiftyorsocoursesopentoher，shemaytaketherightone，orshemaytakeoneoftheforty—
ninewrongones，andyouwatchherwithcuriositytoseewhichitwillbe。\"
\"Butsurelythereareplentyofgoodheroineswhoareinteresting，\"
Isaid。
\"Atintervals——whentheydosomethingwrong，\"answeredJephson。\"A
consistentlyirreproachableheroineisasirritatingasSocratesmusthavebeentoXantippe，orasthemodelboyatschoolistoalltheotherlads。Takethestockheroineoftheeighteenth—centuryromance。Shenevermetherloverexceptforthepurposeoftellinghimthatshecouldnotbehis，andshegenerallyweptsteadilythroughouttheinterview。Sheneverforgottoturnpaleatthesightofblood，nortofaintinhisarmsatthemostinconvenientmomentpossible。Shewasdeterminednevertomarrywithoutherfather’sconsent，andwasequallyresolvednevertomarryanybodybuttheoneparticularpersonshewasconvincedhewouldneveragreetohermarrying。Shewasanexcellentyoungwoman，andnearlyasuninterestingasacelebrityathome。\"
\"Ah，butyou’renottalkingaboutgoodwomennow，\"Iobserved。
\"You’retalkingaboutsomesillyperson’sideaofagoodwoman。\"
\"Iquiteadmitit，\"repliedJephson。\"Nor，indeed，amIpreparedtosaywhatisagoodwoman。Iconsiderthesubjecttoodeepandtoocomplicatedforanymerehumanbeingtogivejudgmentupon。ButI
AMtalkingofthewomenwhoconformedtothepopularideaofmaidenlygoodnessintheagewhenthesebookswerewritten。Youmustremembergoodnessisnotaknownquantity。Itvarieswitheveryageandeverylocality，anditis，generallyspeaking，your’sillypersons’whoareresponsibleforitsvaryingstandards。InJapan，a’good’girlwouldbeagirlwhowouldsellherhonourinordertoaffordlittleluxuriestoheragedparents。Incertainhospitableislandsofthetorridzonethe’good’wifegoestolengthsthatweshoulddeemaltogetherunnecessaryinmakingherhusband’sguestfeelhimselfathome。InancientHebraicdays，Jaelwasaccountedagoodwomanformurderingasleepingman，andSaraistoodinnodangeroflosingtherespectofherlittleworldwhensheledHagaruntoAbraham。Ineighteenth—centuryEngland，supernaturalstupidityanddulnessofadegreethatmusthavebeendifficulttoattain，wereheldtobefemininevirtues——indeed，theyaresostill——andauthors，whoarealwaysamongthemostservilefollowersofpublicopinion，fashionedtheirpuppetsaccordingly。
Nowadays’slumming’isthemostapplaudedvirtue，andsoallourbestheroinesgoslumming，andare’goodtothepoor。’\"
\"Howuseful’thepoor’are，\"remarkedMacShaughnassy，somewhatabruptly，placinghisfeetonthemantelpiece，andtiltinghischairbacktillitstoodatananglethatcausedustorivetourattentionuponitwithhopefulinterest。\"Idon’tthinkwescribblingfellowseverfullygrasphowmuchweoweto’thepoor。’Wherewouldourangelicheroinesandournoble—heartedheroesbeifitwerenotfor’thepoor’？Wewanttoshowthatthedeargirlisasgoodassheisbeautiful。Whatdowedo？Weputabasketfullofchickensandbottlesofwineonherarm，afetchinglittlesun—bonnetonherhead，andsendherroundamongthepoor。Howdoweprovethatourapparentscampofaheroisreallyanobleyoungmanatheart？Why，byexplainingthatheisgoodtothepoor。
\"TheyareasusefulinreallifeastheyareinBookland。Whatisitconsolesthetradesmanwhentheactor，earningeightypoundsaweek，cannotpayhisdebts？Why，readinginthetheatricalnewspapersgushingaccountsofthedearfellow’sinvariablegenerositytothepoor。Whatisitstillsthesmallbutirritatingvoiceofconsciencewhenwehavesuccessfullyaccomplishedsomeextrabigfeatofswindling？Why，thenobleresolvetogivetenpercentofthenetprofitstothepoor。
\"Whatdoesamandowhenhefindshimselfgrowingold，andfeelsthatitistimeforhimtothinkseriouslyaboutsecuringhispositioninthenextworld？Why，hebecomessuddenlygoodtothepoor。Ifthepoorwerenotthereforhimtobegoodto，whatcouldhedo？Hewouldbeunabletoreformatall。It’sagreatcomforttothinkthatthepoorwillalwaysbewithus。Theyaretheladderbywhichweclimbintoheaven。\"
Therewassilenceforafewmoments，whileMacShaughnassypuffedawayvigorously，andalmostsavagely，athispipe，andthenBrownsaid：\"Icantellyouratheraquaintincident，bearingveryaptlyonthesubject。Acousinofminewasaland—agentinasmallcountrytown，andamongthehousesonhislistwasafineoldmansionthathadremainedvacantformanyyears。Hehaddespairedofeversellingit，whenonedayanelderlylady，veryrichlydressed，droveuptotheofficeandmadeinquiriesaboutit。Shesaidshehadcomeacrossitaccidentallywhiletravellingthroughthatpartofthecountrythepreviousautumn，andhadbeenmuchstruckbyitsbeautyandpicturesqueness。Sheaddedshewaslookingoutforsomequietspotwhereshecouldsettledownandpeacefullypasstheremainderofherdays，andthoughtthisplacemightpossiblyprovetobetheverythingforher。
\"Mycousin，delightedwiththechanceofapurchaser，atoncedroveheracrosstotheestate，whichwasabouteightmilesdistantfromthetown，andtheywentoverittogether。Mycousinwaxedeloquentuponthesubjectofitsadvantages。Hedweltuponitsquietandseclusion，itsproximity——butnottoocloseproximity——tothechurch，itsconvenientdistancefromthevillage。
\"Everythingpointedtoasatisfactoryconclusionofthebusiness。
Theladywascharmedwiththesituationandthesurroundings，anddelightedwiththehouseandgrounds。Sheconsideredthepricemoderate。
\"’Andnow，Mr。Brown，’saidshe，astheystoodbythelodgegate，’tellme，whatclassofpoorhaveyougotroundabout？’
\"’Poor？’answeredmycousin；’therearenopoor。’
\"’Nopoor！’exclaimedthelady。’Nopoorpeopleinthevillage，oranywherenear？’
\"’Youwon’tfindapoorpersonwithinfivemilesoftheestate，’herepliedproudly。’Yousee，mydearmadam，thisisathinlypopulatedandexceedinglyprosperouscounty：thisparticulardistrictespeciallyso。Thereisnotafamilyinitthatisnot，comparativelyspeaking，well—to—do。’
\"’I’msorrytohearthat，’saidthelady，inatoneofdisappointment。’Theplacewouldhavesuitedmesoadmirablybutforthat。’
\"’Butsurely，madam，’criedmycousin，towhomademandforpoorpersonswasanentirelynewidea，’youdon’tmeantosaythatyouWANTpoorpeople！Why，we’vealwaysconsidereditoneofthechiefattractionsoftheproperty——nothingtoshocktheeyeorwoundthesusceptibilitiesofthemosttender—heartedoccupant。’
\"’MydearMr。Brown，’repliedthelady，’Iwillbeperfectlyfrankwithyou。Iambecominganoldwoman，andmypastlifehasnot，perhaps，beenaltogethertoowellspent。Itismydesiretoatoneforthe——er——folliesofmyyouthbyanoldageofwell—doing，andtothatenditisessentialthatIshouldbesurroundedbyacertainnumberofdeservingpoor。Ihadhopedtofindinthischarmingneighbourhoodofyoursthecustomaryproportionofpovertyandmisery，inwhichcaseIshouldhavetakenthehousewithouthesitation。Asitis，Imustseekelsewhere。’
\"Mycousinwasperplexed，andsad。’Thereareplentyofpoorpeopleinthetown，’hesaid，’manyofthemmostinterestingcases，andyoucouldhavetheentirecareofthemall。There’dbenooppositionwhatever，I’mpositive。’
\"’Thankyou，’repliedthelady，’butIreallycouldn’tgoasfarasthetown。Theymustbewithineasydrivingdistanceortheyarenogood。’
\"Mycousincudgelledhisbrainsagain。Hedidnotintendtoletapurchaserslipthroughhisfingersifhecouldhelpit。Atlastabrightthoughtflashedintohismind。’I’lltellyouwhatwecoulddo，’hesaid。’There’sapieceofwastelandtheotherendofthevillagethatwe’veneverbeenabletodomuchwith，inconsequenceofitsbeingsoswampy。Ifyouliked，wecouldrunyouupadozencottagesonthat，cheap——itwouldbeallthebettertheirbeingabitramshackleandunhealthy——andgetsomepoorpeopleforyou，andputintothem。’
\"Theladyreflectedupontheidea，anditstruckherasagoodone。
\"’Yousee，’continuedmycousin，pushinghisadvantage，’byadoptingthismethodyouwouldbeabletoselectyourownpoor。Wewouldgetyousomenice，clean，gratefulpoor，andmakethethingpleasantforyou。’
\"Itendedinthelady’sacceptingmycousin’soffer，andgivinghimalistofthepoorpeopleshewouldliketohave。Sheselectedonebedriddenoldwoman（ChurchofEnglandpreferred）；oneparalyticoldman；oneblindgirlwhowouldwanttobereadaloudto；onepooratheist，willingtobeconverted；twocripples；onedrunkenfatherwhowouldconsenttobetalkedtoseriously；onedisagreeableoldfellow，needingmuchpatience；twolargefamilies，andfourordinaryassortedcouples。
\"Mycousinexperiencedsomedifficultyinsecuringthedrunkenfather。Mostofthedrunkenfathersheintervieweduponthesubjecthadarootedobjectiontobeingtalkedtoatall。Afteralongsearch，however，hediscoveredamildlittleman，who，uponthelady’srequirementsandcharitableintentionsbeingexplainedtohim，undertooktoqualifyhimselfforthevacancybygettingintoxicatedatleastonceaweek。Hesaidhecouldnotpromisemorethanonceaweekatfirst，heunfortunatelypossessingastrongnaturaldistasteforallalcoholicliquors，whichitwouldbenecessaryforhimtoovercome。Ashegotmoreusedtothem，hewoulddobetter。
\"Overthedisagreeableoldman，mycousinalsohadtrouble。Itwashardtohittherightdegreeofdisagreeableness。Someofthemweresoveryunpleasant。Heeventuallymadechoiceofadecayedcab—
driverwithadvancedRadicalopinions，whoinsistedonathreeyears’contract。
\"Theplanworkedexceedinglywell，anddoesso，mycousintellsme，tothisday。Thedrunkenfatherhascompletelyconqueredhisdisliketostrongdrink。Hehasnotbeensobernowforoverthreeweeks，andhaslatelytakentoknockinghiswifeabout。Thedisagreeablefellowismostconscientiousinfulfillinghispartofthebargain，andmakeshimselfaperfectcursetothewholevillage。
Theothershavedroppedintotheirrespectivepositionsandareworkingwell。Theladyvisitsthemalleveryafternoon，andismostcharitable。TheycallherLadyBountiful，andeverybodyblessesher。\"
Brownroseashefinishedspeaking，andmixedhimselfaglassofwhiskyandwaterwiththeself—satisfiedairofabenevolentmanabouttorewardsomebodyforhavingdoneagooddeed；andMacShaughnassylifteduphisvoiceandtalked。
\"Iknowastorybearingonthesubject，too，\"hesaid。\"IthappenedinatinyYorkshirevillage——apeaceful，respectablespot，wherefolksfoundlifeabitslow。Oneday，however，anewcuratearrived，andthatwokethingsupconsiderably。Hewasaniceyoungman，and，havingalargeprivateincomeofhisown，wasaltogetheramostdesirablecatch。Everyunmarriedfemaleintheplacewentforhimwithoneaccord。
\"Butordinaryfeminineblandishmentsappearedtohavenoeffectuponhim。Hewasaseriouslyinclinedyoungman，andonce，inthecourseofacasualconversationuponthesubjectoflove，hewasheardtosaythathehimselfshouldneverbeattractedbymerebeautyandcharm。Whatwouldappealtohim，hesaid，wouldbeawoman’sgoodness——hercharityandkindlinesstothepoor。
\"Well，thatsetthepetticoatsallthinking。Theysawthatinstudyingfashionplatesandpractisingexpressionstheyhadbeengoinguponthewrongtack。Thecardforthemtoplaywas’thepoor。’Buthereaseriousdifficultyarose。Therewasonlyonepoorpersoninthewholeparish，acantankerousoldfellowwholivedinatumble—downcottageatthebackofthechurch，andfifteenable—bodiedwomen（elevengirls，threeoldmaids，andawidow）
wantedtobe’good’tohim。
\"MissSimmonds，oneoftheoldmaids，gotholdofhimfirst，andcommencedfeedinghimtwiceadaywithbeef—tea；andthenthewidowboardedhimwithportwineandoysters。Laterintheweekothersofthepartydriftedinuponhim，andwantedtocramhimwithjellyandchickens。
Theoldmancouldn’tunderstandit。Hewasaccustomedtoasmallsackofcoalsnowandthen，accompaniedbyalonglectureonhissins，andanoccasionalbottleofdandeliontea。ThissuddenspurtonthepartofProvidencepuzzledhim。Hesaidnothing，however，butcontinuedtotakeinasmuchofeverythingashecouldhold。Attheendofamonthhewastoofattogetthroughhisownbackdoor。
\"Thecompetitionamongthewomen—folkgrewkeenereveryday，andatlasttheoldmanbegantogivehimselfairs，andtomaketheplacehardforthem。Hemadethemcleanhiscottageout，andcookhismeals，andwhenhewastiredofhavingthemaboutthehouse，hesetthemtoworkinthegarden。
\"Theygrumbledagooddeal，andtherewasatalkatonetimeofasortofastrike，butwhatcouldtheydo？Hewastheonlypauperformilesround，andknewit。Hehadthemonopoly，and，likeallmonopolises，heabusedhisposition。
\"Hemadethemrunerrands。Hesentthemouttobuyhis’baccy，’attheirownexpense。OnoneoccasionhesentMissSimmondsoutwithajugtogethissupperbeer。Sheindignantlyrefusedatfirst，buthetoldherthatifshegavehimanyofherstuck—upairsoutshewouldgo，andnevercomeintohishouseagain。Ifshewouldn’tdoittherewereplentyofotherswhowould。Sheknewitandwent。
\"Theyhadbeeninthehabitofreadingtohim——goodbookswithanelevatingtendency。Butnowheputhisfootdownuponthatsortofthing。Hesaidhedidn’twantSunday—schoolrubbishathistimeoflife。Whathelikedwassomethingspicy。AndhemadethemreadhimFrenchnovelsandsea—faringtales，containingrealisticlanguage。
Andtheydidn’thavetoskipanythingeither，orhe’dknowthereasonwhy。
\"Hesaidhelikedmusic，soafewofthemclubbedtogetherandboughthimaharmonium。Theirideawasthattheywouldsinghymnsandplayhigh—classmelodies，butitwasn’this。Hisideawas——
’Keepinguptheoldgirl’sbirthday’and’Shewinkedtheothereye，’
withchorusandskirtdance，andthat’swhattheysang。
\"Towhatlengthshistyrannywouldhavegoneitisdifficulttosay，hadnotaneventhappenedthatbroughthispowertoaprematurecollapse。Thiswasthecurate’ssuddenandsomewhatunexpectedmarriagewithaverybeautifulburlesqueactresswhohadlatelybeenperforminginaneighbouringtown。HegaveuptheChurchonhisengagement，inconsequenceofhisfiancee’sobjectiontobecomingaminister’swife。Shesaidshecouldnever’tumbleto’thedistrictvisiting。
\"Withthecurate’sweddingtheoldpauper’sbriefcareerofprosperityended。Theypackedhimofftotheworkhouseafterthat，andmadehimbreakstones。\"
Attheendofthetellingofhistale，MacShaughnassyliftedhisfeetoffthemantelpiece，andsettoworktowakeuphislegs；andJephsontookahand，andbegantospinusstories。
ButnoneofusfeltinclinedtolaughatJephson’sstories，fortheydealtnotwiththegoodnessoftherichtothepoor，whichisavirtueyieldingquickandhighlysatisfactoryreturns，butwiththegoodnessofthepoortothepoor，asomewhatlessremunerativeinvestmentandadifferentmatteraltogether。
Forthepoorthemselves——Idonotmeanthenoisyprofessionalpoor，butthesilent，fightingpoor——oneisboundtofeelagenuinerespect。Onehonoursthem，asonehonoursawoundedsoldier。
IntheperpetualwarfarebetweenHumanityandNature，thepoorstandalwaysinthevan。Theydieintheditches，andwemarchovertheirbodieswiththeflagsflyingandthedrumsplaying。
Onecannotthinkofthemwithoutanuncomfortablefeelingthatoneoughttobealittlebitashamedoflivinginsecurityandease，leavingthemtotakeallthehardblows。Itisasifonewerealwaysskulkinginthetents，whileone’scomradeswerefightinganddyinginthefront。
Theybleedandfallinsilencethere。Naturewithherterribleclub，\"SurvivaloftheFittest\"；andCivilisationwithhercruelsword，\"SupplyandDemand，\"beatthemback，andtheygivewayinchbyinch，fightingtotheend。Butitisinadumb，sullenway，thatisnotsufficientlypicturesquetobeheroic。
Irememberseeinganoldbull—dog，oneSaturdaynight，lyingonthedoorstepofasmallshopintheNewCut。Helaythereveryquiet，andseemedabitsleepy；and，ashelookedsavage，nobodydisturbedhim。Peoplesteppedinandoutoverhim，andoccasionallyindoingso，onewouldaccidentallykickhim，andthenhewouldbreathealittleharderandquicker。
Atlastapasser—by，feelingsomethingwetbeneathhisfeet，lookeddown，andfoundthathewasstandinginapoolofblood，and，lookingtoseewhereitcamefrom，foundthatitflowedinathick，darkstreamfromthesteponwhichthedogwaslying。
Thenhestoopeddownandexaminedthedog，andthedogopeneditseyessleepilyandlookedathim，gaveagrinwhichmayhaveimpliedpleasure，ormayhaveimpliedirritationatbeingdisturbed，anddied。
Acrowdcollected，andtheyturnedthedeadbodyofthedogoveronitsside，andsawafearfulgashinthegroin，outofwhichoozedblood，andotherthings。Theproprietoroftheshopsaidtheanimalhadbeenthereforoveranhour。
Ihaveknownthepoortodieinthatsamegrim，silentway——notthepoorthatyou，mydelicately—glovedLadyBountifulandmyveryexcellentSirSimonDoGood，know，orthatyouwouldcaretoknow；
notthepoorwhomarchinprocessionswithbannersandcollection—
boxes；notthepoorthatclamourroundyoursoupkitchensandsinghymnsatyourteameetings；butthepoorthatyoudon’tknowarepooruntilthetaleistoldatthecoroner’sinquest——thesilent，proudpoorwhowakeeachmorningtowrestlewithDeathtillnight—
time，andwho，whenatlastheovercomesthem，and，forcingthemdownontherottingfloorofthedimattic，stranglesthem，stilldiewiththeirteethtightshut。
TherewasaboyIcametoknowwhenIwaslivingintheEastEndofLondon。Hewasnotaniceboybyanymeans。Hewasnotquitesocleanasarethegoodboysinthereligiousmagazines，andIhaveknownasailortostophiminthestreetandreprovehimforusingindelicatelanguage。