’Well，he’llbejustwhereweare，’returnedthelawyer。’He’sinnocent，yousee。Whathangspeople，mydearPitman，istheunfortunatecircumstanceofguilt。’
’Butindeed，indeed，’pleadedPitman，’thewholeschemeappearstomesowild。Woulditnotbesafer，afterall，justtosendforthepolice？’
’Andmakeascandal？’enquiredMichael。’\"TheChelseaMystery;
allegedinnocenceofPitman\"？HowwouldthatdoattheSeminary？’
’Itwouldimplymydischarge，’admittedthedrawing——master。’I
cannotdenythat。’
’Andbesides，’saidMichael，’Iamnotgoingtoembarkinsuchabusinessandhavenofunformymoney。’
’Omydearsir，isthataproperspirit？’criedPitman。
’O，Ionlysaidthattocheeryouup，’saidtheunabashedMichael。’Nothinglikealittlejudiciouslevity。Butit’squiteneedlesstodiscuss。Ifyoumeantofollowmyadvice，comeon，andletusgetthepianoatonce。Ifyoudon’t，justdropmetheword，andI’llleaveyoutodealwiththe，wholethingaccordingtoyourbetterjudgement。’
’YouknowperfectlywellthatIdependonyouentirely，’returnedPitman。’ButO，whatanightisbeforemewiththat——horrorinmystudio！HowamItothinkofitonmypillow？’
’Well，youknow，mypianowillbetheretoo，’saidMichael。
’That’llraisetheaverage。’
Anhourlateracartcameupthelane，andthelawyer’spiano——amomentousBroadwoodgrand——wasdepositedinMrPitman’sstudio。
CHAPTERVIII。InWhichMichaelFinsburyEnjoysaHolidayPunctuallyateighto’clocknextmorningthelawyerrattled（accordingtopreviousappointment）onthestudiodoor。Hefoundtheartistsadlyalteredfortheworse——bleached，bloodshot，andchalky——amanuponwires，thetailofhishaggardeyestillwanderingtothecloset。Norwastheprofessorofdrawinglessinclinedtowonderathisfriend。Michaelwasusuallyattiredintheheightoffashion，withacertainmercantilebrilliancybestdescribedperhapsasstylish;norcouldanythingbesaidagainsthim，asarule，butthathelookedatrifletoolikeaweddingguesttobequiteagentleman。Todayhehadfallenaltogetherfromtheseheights。Heworeaflannelshirtofwashed—outshepherd’startan，andasuitofreddishtweeds，ofthecolourknowntotailorsas’heathermixture’;hisneckclothwasblack，andtiedlooselyinasailor’sknot;arustyulsterpartlyconcealedtheseadvantages;andhisfeetwereshodwithroughwalkingboots。Hishatwasanoldsoftfelt，whichheremovedwithaflourishasheentered。
’HereIam，WilliamDent！’hecried，anddrawingfromhispockettwolittlewispsofreddishhair，heheldthemtohischeekslikesidewhiskersanddancedaboutthestudiowiththefilmygracesofaballet—girl。
Pitmanlaughedsadly。’Ishouldneverhaveknownyou，’saidhe。
’Norwereyouintendedto，’returnedMichael，replacinghisfalsewhiskersinhispocket。’Nowwemustoverhaulyouandyourwardrobe，anddisguiseyouuptothenines。’
’Disguise！’criedtheartist。’MustIindeeddisguisemyself。Hasitcometothat？’
’Mydearcreature，’returnedhiscompanion，’disguiseisthespiceoflife。Whatislife，passionatelyexclaimedaFrenchphilosopher，withoutthepleasuresofdisguise？Idon’tsayit’salwaysgoodtaste，andIknowit’sunprofessional;butwhat’stheodds，downhearteddrawing—master？Ithastobe。Wehavetoleaveafalseimpressiononthemindsofmanypersons，andinparticularonthemindofMrGideonForsyth——theyounggentlemanIknowbysight——ifheshouldhavethebadtastetobeathome。’
’Ifhebeathome？’falteredtheartist。’Thatwouldbetheendofall。’
’Won’tmatterad——，’returnedMichaelairily。’Letmeseeyourclothes，andI’llmakeanewmanofyouinajiffy。’
Inthebedroom，towhichhewasatonceconducted，MichaelexaminedPitman’spoorandscantywardrobewithahumorouseye，pickedoutashortjacketofblackalpaca，andpresentlyaddedtothatapairofsummertrouserswhichsomehowtookhisfancyasincongruous。Then，withthegarmentsinhishand，hescrutinizedtheartistclosely。
’Idon’tlikethatclericalcollar，’heremarked。’Haveyounothingelse？’
Theprofessorofdrawingponderedforamoment，andthenbrightened;’Ihaveapairoflow—neckedshirts，’hesaid，’thatIusedtowearinParisasastudent。Theyareratherloud。’
’Theverything！’ejaculatedMichael。’You’lllookperfectlybeastly。Herearespats，too，’hecontinued，drawingforthapairofthoseoffensivelittlegaiters。’Musthavespats！Andnowyoujumpintothese，andwhistleatuneatthewindowfor（say）
three—quartersofanhour。Afterthatyoucanrejoinmeonthefieldofglory。’
Sosaying，Michaelreturnedtothestudio。Itwasthemorningoftheeasterlygale;thewindblewshrillyamongthestatuesinthegarden，anddrovetherainupontheskylightinthestudioceiling;andataboutthesamemomentofthetimewhenMorrisattackedthehundredthversionofhisuncle’ssignatureinBloomsbury，Michael，inChelsea，begantoripthewiresoutoftheBroadwoodgrand。
Three—quartersofanhourlaterPitmanwasadmitted，tofindthecloset—doorstandingopen，theclosetuntenanted，andthepianodiscreetlyshut。
’It’saremarkablyheavyinstrument，’observedMichael，andturnedtoconsiderhisfriend’sdisguise。’Youmustshaveoffthatbeardofyours，’hesaid。
’Mybeard！’criedPitman。’Icannotshavemybeard。Icannottamperwithmyappearance——myprincipalswouldobject。Theyholdverystrongviewsastotheappearanceoftheprofessors——youngladiesareconsideredsoromantic。MybeardwasregardedasquiteafeaturewhenIwentabouttheplace。Itwasregarded，’saidtheartist，withrisingcolour，’itwasregardedasunbecoming。’
’Youcanletitgrowagain，’returnedMichael，’andthenyou’llbesopreciousuglythatthey’llraiseyoursalary。’
’ButIdon’twanttobeugly，’criedtheartist。
’Don’tbeanass，’saidMichael，whohatedbeardsandwasdelightedtodestroyone。’Offwithitlikeaman！’
’Ofcourse，ifyouinsist，’saidPitman;andthenhesighed，fetchedsomehotwaterfromthekitchen，andsettingaglassuponhiseasel，firstclippedhisbeardwithscissorsandthenshavedhischin。Hecouldnotconcealfromhimself，asheregardedtheresult，thathislastclaimstomanhoodhadbeensacrificed，butMichaelseemeddelighted。
’Anewman，Ideclare！’hecried。’WhenIgiveyouthewindowglassspectaclesIhaveinmypocket，you’llbethebeau—idealofaFrenchcommercialtraveller。’
Pitmandidnotreply，butcontinuedtogazedisconsolatelyonhisimageintheglass。
’Doyouknow，’askedMichael，’whattheGovernorofSouthCarolinasaidtotheGovernorofNorthCarolina？\"It’salongtimebetweendrinks，\"observedthatpowerfulthinker;andifyouwillputyourhandintothetopleft—handpocketofmyulster，I
haveanimpressionyouwillfindaflaskofbrandy。Thankyou，Pitman，’headded，ashefilledoutaglassforeach。’Nowyouwillgivemenewsofthis。’
Theartistreachedouthishandforthewater—jug，butMichaelarrestedthemovement。
’Notifyouwentuponyourknees！’hecried。’ThisisthefinestliqueurbrandyinGreatBritain。’
Pitmanputhislipstoit，setitdownagain，andsighed。
’Well，Imustsayyou’rethepoorestcompanionforaholiday！’
criedMichael。’Ifthat’sallyouknowofbrandy，youshallhavenomoreofit;andwhileIfinishtheflask，youmayaswellbeginbusiness。Cometothinkofit，’hebrokeoff，’Ihavemadeanabominableerror：youshouldhaveorderedthecartbeforeyouweredisguised。Why，Pitman，whatthedevil’stheuseofyou？whycouldn’tyouhaveremindedmeofthat？’
’Ineverevenknewtherewasacarttobeordered，’saidtheartist。’ButIcantakeoffthedisguiseagain，’hesuggestedeagerly。
’Youwouldfinditratherabothertoputonyourbeard，’
observedthelawyer。’No，it’safalsestep;thesortofthingthathangspeople，’hecontinued，witheminentcheerfulness，ashesippedhisbrandy;’anditcan’tberetracednow。Offtothemewswithyou，makeallthearrangements;they’retotakethepianofromhere，cartittoVictoria，anddispatchitthencebyrailtoCannonStreet，tolietillcalledforinthenameofFortuneduBoisgobey。’
’Isn’tthatratheranawkwardname？’pleadedPitman。
’Awkward？’criedMichaelscornfully。’Itwouldhangusboth！
Brownisbothsaferandeasiertopronounce。CallitBrown。’
’Iwish，’saidPitman，’formysake，Iwishyouwouldn’ttalksomuchofhanging。’
’Talkingaboutit’snothing，myboy！’returnedMichael。’Buttakeyourhatandbeoff，andmindandpayeverythingbeforehand。’
Lefttohimself，thelawyerturnedhisattentionforsometimeexclusivelytotheliqueurbrandy，andhisspirits，whichhadbeenprettyfairallmorning，nowprodigiouslyrose。Heproceededtoadjusthiswhiskersfinallybeforetheglass。’Devilishrich，’
heremarked，ashecontemplatedhisreflection。’Ilooklikeapurser’smate。’Andatthatmomentthewindow—glassspectacles（whichhehadhithertodestinedforPitman）flashedintohismind;heputthemon，andfellinlovewiththeeffect。’JustwhatIrequired，’hesaid。’IwonderwhatIlooklikenow？A
humorousnovelist，Ishouldthink，’andhebegantopractisediverscharactersofwalk，namingthemtohimselfas——heproceeded。’Walkofahumorousnovelist——butthatwouldrequireanumbrella。Walkofapurser’smate。WalkofanAustraliancolonistrevisitingthescenesofchildhood。WalkofSepoycolonel，ditto，ditto。AndinthemidstoftheSepoycolonel（whichwasanexcellentassumption，althoughinconsistentwiththestyleofhismake—up），hiseyelightedonthepiano。Thisinstrumentwasmadetolockbothatthetopandatthekeyboard，butthekeyofthelatterhadbeenmislaid。Michaelopeneditandranhisfingersoverthedumbkeys。’Fineinstrument——full，richtone，’heobserved，andhedrewinaseat。
WhenMrPitmanreturnedtothestudio，hewasappalledtoobservehisguide，philosopher，andfriendperformingmiraclesofexecutiononthesilentgrand。
’Heavenhelpme！’thoughtthelittleman，’Ifearhehasbeendrinking！MrFinsbury，’hesaidaloud;andMichael，withoutrising，turneduponhimacountenancesomewhatflushed，encircledwiththebushoftheredwhiskers，andbestriddenbythespectacles。’CapriccioinB—flatonthedepartureofafriend，’
saidhe，continuinghisnoiselessevolutions。
IndignationawokeinthemindofPitman。’Thosespectaclesweretobemine，’hecried。’Theyareanessentialpartofmydisguise。’
’Iamgoingtowearthemmyself，’repliedMichael;andheadded，withsomeshowoftruth，’Therewouldbeadevilofalotofsuspicionarousedifwebothworespectacles。’
’O，well，’saidtheassentingPitman，’Irathercountedonthem;
butofcourse，ifyouinsist。Andatanyrate，hereisthecartatthedoor。’
Whilethemenwereatwork，Michaelconcealedhimselfintheclosetamongthedebrisofthebarrelandthewiresofthepiano;
andassoonasthecoastwasclearthepairsalliedforthbythelane，jumpedintoahansomintheKing’sRoad，andweredrivenrapidlytowardtown。Itwasstillcoldandrawandboisterous;
therainbeatstronglyintheirfaces，butMichaelrefusedtohavetheglassletdown;hehadnowsuddenlydonnedthecharacterofcicerone，andpointedoutandlucidlycommentedonthesightsofLondon，astheydrove。’Mydearfellow，’hesaid，’youdon’tseemtoknowanythingofyournativecity。SupposewevisitedtheTower？No？Well，perhapsit’satrifleoutofourway。But，anyway——Here，cabby，driveroundbyTrafalgarSquare！’Andonthathistoricbattlefieldheinsistedondrawingup，whilehecriticizedthestatuesandgavetheartistmanycuriousdetails（quitenewtohistory）ofthelivesofthecelebratedmentheyrepresented。
ItwouldbedifficulttoexpresswhatPitmansufferedinthecab：
cold，wet，terrorinthecapitaldegree，agroundeddistrustofthecommanderunderwhomheserved，asenseofimprudencyinthematterofthelow—neckedshirt，abittersenseofthedeclineandfallinvolvedinthedeprivationofhisbeard，allthesewereamongtheingredientsofthebowl。Toreachtherestaurant，forwhichtheyweredeviouslysteering，wasthefirstrelief。TohearMichaelbespeakaprivateroomwasasecondandastillgreater。
Nor，astheymountedthestairundertheguidanceofanunintelligiblealien，didhefailtonotewithgratitudethefewnessofthepersonspresent，orthestillmorecheeringfactthatthegreaterpartofthesewereexilesfromthelandofFrance。ItwasthusablessedthoughtthatnoneofthemwouldbeconnectedwiththeSeminary;foreventheFrenchprofessor，thoughadmittedlyaPapist，hecouldscarceimaginefrequentingsorakishanestablishment。
Thealienintroducedthemintoasmallbareroomwithasingletable，asofa，andadwarfishfire;andMichaelcalledpromptlyformorecoalsandacoupleofbrandiesandsodas。
’O，no，’saidPitman，’surelynot——nomoretodrink。’
’Idon’tknowwhatyouwouldbeat，’saidMichaelplaintively。
’It’spositivelynecessarytodosomething;andoneshouldn’tsmokebeforemealsIthoughtthatwasunderstood。Youseemtohavenoideaofhygiene。’Andhecomparedhiswatchwiththeclockuponthechimney—piece。
Pitmanfellintobittermusing;herehewas，ridiculouslyshorn，absurdlydisguised，inthecompanyofadrunkenmaninspectacles，andwaitingforachampagneluncheoninarestaurantpainfullyforeign。Whatwouldhisprincipalsthink，iftheycouldseehim？Whatiftheyknewhistragicanddeceitfulerrand？
Fromthesereflectionshewasarousedbytheentranceofthealienwiththebrandiesandsodas。Michaeltookoneandbadethewaiterpasstheothertohisfriend。
Pitmanwaveditfromhimwithhishand。’Don’tletmeloseallself—respect，’hesaid。
’Anythingtoobligeafriend，’returnedMichael。’ButI’mnotgoingtodrinkalone。Here，’headdedtothewaiter，’youtakeit。’And，then，touchingglasses，’ThehealthofMrGideonForsyth，’saidhe。
’MeestareGiddenBorsye，’repliedthewaiter，andhetossedofftheliquorinfourgulps。
’Haveanother？’saidMichael，withundisguisedinterest。’Ineversawamandrinkfaster。Itrestoresone’sconfidenceinthehumanrace。
Butthewaiterexcusedhimselfpolitely，and，assistedbysomeonefromwithout，begantobringinlunch。
Michaelmadeanexcellentmeal，whichhewasheddownwithabottleofHeidsieck’sdrymonopole。Asfortheartist，hewasfartoouneasytoeat，andhiscompanionflatlyrefusedtolethimshareinthechampagneunlesshedid。
’Oneofusmuststaysober，’remarkedthelawyer，’andIwon’tgiveyouchampagneonthestrengthofalegofgrouse。Ihavetobecautious，’headdedconfidentially。’Onedrunkenman，excellentbusiness——twodrunkenmen，allmyeye。’
Ontheproductionofcoffeeanddepartureofthewaiter，Michaelmighthavebeenobservedtomakeportentouseffortsaftergravityofmien。Helookedhisfriendintheface（oneeyeperhapsatrifleoff），andaddressedhimthicklybutseverely。
’Enoughofthisfooling，’washisnotinappropriateexordium。’Tobusiness。Markmeclosely。IamanAustralian。MynameisJohnDickson，thoughyoumightn’tthinkitfrommyunassumingappearance。YouwillberelievedtohearthatIamrich，sir，veryrich。Youcan’tgointothissortofthingtoothoroughly，Pitman;thewholesecretispreparation，andIcangetupmybiographyfromthebeginning，andIcouldtellityounow，onlyI
haveforgottenit。’
’PerhapsI’mstupid——’beganPitman。
’That’sit！’criedMichael。’Verystupid;butrichtoo——richerthanIam。Ithoughtyouwouldenjoyit，Pitman，soI’vearrangedthatyouweretobeliterallywallowinginwealth。Butthen，ontheotherhand，you’reonlyanAmerican，andamakerofindia—rubberovershoesatthat。Andtheworstofitis——whyshouldIconcealitfromyou？——theworstofitisthatyou’recalledEzraThomas。Now，’saidMichael，withareallyappallingseriousnessofmanner，’tellmewhoweare。’
Theunfortunatelittlemanwascross—examinedtillheknewthesefactsbyheart。
’There！’criedthelawyer。’Ourplansarelaid。Thoroughlyconsistent——that’sthegreatthing。’
’ButIdon’tunderstand，’objectedPitman。
’O，you’llunderstandrightenoughwhenitcomestothepoint，’
saidMichael，rising。
’Theredoesn’tseemanystorytoit，’saidtheartist。
’Wecaninventoneaswegoalong，’returnedthelawyer。
’ButIcan’tinvent，’protestedPitman。’Inevercouldinventinallmylife。’
’You’llfindyou’llhaveto，myboy，’wasMichael’seasycomment，andhebegancallingforthewaiter，withwhomheatonceresumedasparklingconversation。
Itwasadowncastlittlemanthatfollowedhim。’Ofcourseheisveryclever，butcanItrusthiminsuchastate？’heaskedhimself。Andwhentheywereoncemoreinahansom，hetookheartofgrace。
’Don’tyouthink，’hefaltered，’itwouldbewiser，consideringallthings，toputthisbusinessoff？’
’Putofftilltomorrowwhatcanbedonetoday？’criedMichael，withindignation。’Neverheardofsuchathing！Cheerup，it’sallright，goinandwin——there’salion—heartedPitman！’
AtCannonStreettheyenquiredforMrBrown’spiano，whichhaddulyarrived，drovethencetoaneighbouringmews，wheretheycontractedforacart，andwhilethatwasbeinggotready，tookshelterintheharness—roombesidethestove。Herethelawyerpresentlytoppledagainstthewallandfellintoagentleslumber;sothatPitmanfoundhimselflaunchedonhisownresourcesinthemidstofseveralstaringloafers，suchaslovetospendunprofitabledaysaboutastable。’Roughday，sir，’
observedone。’Doyougofar？’
’Yes，it’sa——ratheraroughday，’saidtheartist;andthen，feelingthathemustchangetheconversation，’MyfriendisanAustralian;heisveryimpulsive，’headded。
’AnAustralian？’saidanother。’I’veabrothermyselfinMelbourne。Doesyourfriendcomefromthatwayatall？’
’No，notexactly，’repliedtheartist，whoseideasofthegeographyofNewHollandwerealittlescattered。’Helivesimmenselyfarinland，andisveryrich。’
Theloafersgazedwithgreatrespectupontheslumberingcolonist。
’Well，’remarkedthesecondspeaker，’it’samightybigplace，isAustralia。Doyoucomefromthereawaytoo？’
’No，Idonot，’saidPitman。’Idonot，andIdon’twantto，’headdedirritably。Andthen，feelingsomediversionneedful，hefelluponMichaelandshookhimup。
’Hullo，’saidthelawyer，’what’swrong？’
’Thecartisnearlyready，’saidPitmansternly。’Iwillnotallowyoutosleep。’
’Allright——nooffence，oldman，’repliedMichael，yawning。’A
littlesleepneverdidanybodyanyharm;Ifeelcomparativelysobernow。Butwhat’sallthehurry？’headded，lookingroundhimglassily。’Idon’tseethecart，andI’veforgottenwhereweleftthepiano。’
Whatmorethelawyermighthavesaid，intheconfidenceofthemoment，iswithPitmanamatteroftremulousconjecturetothisday;butbythemostblessedcircumstancethecartwasthenannounced，andMichaelmustbendtheforcesofhismindtothemoredifficulttaskofrising。
’Ofcourseyou’lldrive，’heremarkedtohiscompanion，asheclamberedonthevehicle。
’Idrive！’criedPitman。’Ineverdidsuchathinginmylife。I
cannotdrive。’
’Verywell，’respondedMichaelwithentirecomposure，’neithercanIsee。Butjustasyoulike。Anythingtoobligeafriend。’
Aglimpseoftheostler’sdarkeningcountenancedecidedPitman。
’Allright，’hesaiddesperately，’youdrive。I’lltellyouwheretogo。’
OnMichaelinthecharacterofcharioteer（sincethisisnotintendedtobeanovelofadventure）itwouldbesuperfluoustodwellatlength。Pitman，ashesatholdingonandgaspingcounsels，solewitnessofthissingularfeat，knewnotwhethermosttoadmirethedriver’svalourorhisundeservedgoodfortune。Butthelatteratleastprevailed，thecartreachedCannonStreetwithoutdisaster;andMrBrown’spianowasspeedilyandcleverlygotonboard。
’Well，sir，’saidtheleadingporter，smilingashementallyreckonedupahandfulofloosesilver，’that’samortalheavypiano。’
’It’stherichnessofthetone，’returnedMichael，ashedroveaway。
Itwasbutalittledistanceintherain，whichnowfellthickandquiet，totheneighbourhoodofMrGideonForsyth’schambersintheTemple。There，inadesertedby—street，Michaeldrewupthehorsesandgavetheminchargetoablightedshoe—black;andthepairdescendingfromthecart，whereontheyhadfiguredsoincongruously，setforthonfootforthedecisivesceneoftheiradventure。ForthefirsttimeMichaeldisplayedashadowofuneasiness。
’Aremywhiskersright？’heasked。’ItwouldbethedevilandallifIwasspotted。’
’Theyareperfectlyintheirplace，’returnedPitman，withscantattention。’Butismydisguiseequallyeffective？ThereisnothingmorelikelythanthatIshouldmeetsomeofmypatrons。’
’O，nobodycouldtellyouwithoutyourbeard，’saidMichael。’Allyouhavetodoistoremembertospeakslow;youspeakthroughyournosealready。’
’Ionlyhopetheyoungmanwon’tbeathome，’sighedPitman。
’AndIonlyhopehe’llbealone，’returnedthelawyer。’Itwillsaveaprecioussightofmanoeuvring。’
Andsureenough，whentheyhadknockedatthedoor，Gideonadmittedtheminpersontoaroom，warmedbyamoderatefire，framednearlytotheroofinworksconnectedwiththebenchofBritishThemis，andoffering，exceptinoneparticular，eloquenttestimonytothelegalzealoftheproprietor。Theoneparticularwasthechimney—piece，whichdisplayedavariedassortmentofpipes，tobacco，cigar—boxes，andyellow—backedFrenchnovels。
’MrForsyth，Ibelieve？’ItwasMichaelwhothusopenedtheengagement。’Wehavecometotroubleyouwithapieceofbusiness。Ifearit’sscarcelyprofessional——’
’IamafraidIoughttobeinstructedthroughasolicitor，’
repliedGideon。
’Well，well，youshallnameyourown，andthewholeaffaircanbeputonamoreregularfootingtomorrow，’repliedMichael，takingachairandmotioningPitmantodothesame。’Butyouseewedidn’tknowanysolicitors;wedidhappentoknowofyou，andtimepresses。’
’MayIenquire，gentlemen，’askedGideon，’towhomitwasIamindebtedforarecommendation？’
’Youmayenquire，’returnedthelawyer，withafoolishlaugh;
’butIwasinvitednottotellyou——tillthethingwasdone。’
’Myuncle，nodoubt，’wasthebarrister’sconclusion。
’MynameisJohnDickson，’continuedMichael;’aprettywell—knownnameinBallarat;andmyfriendhereisMrEzraThomas，oftheUnitedStatesofAmerica，awealthymanufacturerofindia—rubberovershoes。’
’StoponemomenttillImakeanoteofthat，’saidGideon;anyonemighthavesupposedhewasanoldpractitioner。
’Perhapsyouwouldn’tmindmysmokingacigar？’askedMichael。Hehadpulledhimselftogetherfortheentrance;nowagaintherebegantosettleonhismindcloudsofirresponsiblehumourandincipientslumber;andhehoped（assomanyhavehopedinthelikecase）thatacigarwouldclearhim。
’Oh，certainly，’criedGideonblandly。’Tryoneofmine;Icanconfidentlyrecommendthem。’Andhehandedtheboxtohisclient。
’IncaseIdon’tmakemyselfperfectlyclear，’observedtheAustralian，’it’sperhapsbesttotellyoucandidlythatI’vebeenlunching。It’sathingthatmayhappentoanyone。’
’O，certainly，’repliedtheaffablebarrister。’Butpleasebeundernosenseofhurry。Icangiveyou，’headded，thoughtfullyconsultinghiswatch——’yes，Icangiveyouthewholeafternoon。’
’Thebusinessthatbringsmehere，’resumedtheAustralianwithgusto，’isdevilishdelicate，Icantellyou。MyfriendMrThomas，beinganAmericanofPortugueseextraction，unacquaintedwithourhabits，andawealthymanufacturerofBroadwoodpianos——’
’Broadwoodpianos？’criedGideon，withsomesurprise。’Dearme，doIunderstandMrThomastobeamemberofthefirm？’
’O，piratedBroadwoods，’returnedMichael。’Myfriend’stheAmericanBroadwood。’
’ButIunderstoodyoutosay，’objectedGideon，’Icertainlyhaveitsoinmynotes——thatyourfriendwasamanufacturerofindia——rubberovershoes。’
’Iknowit’sconfusingatfirst，’saidtheAustralian，withabeamingsmile。’Buthe——inshort，hecombinesthetwoprofessions。Andmanyothersbesides——many，many，manyothers，’
repeatedMrDickson，withdrunkensolemnity。’MrThomas’scotton—millsareoneofthesightsofTallahassee;MrThomas’stobacco—millsaretheprideofRichmond，Va。;inshort，he’soneofmyoldestfriends，MrForsyth，andIlayhiscasebeforeyouwithemotion。’
ThebarristerlookedatMrThomasandwasagreeablyprepossessedbyhisopenalthoughnervouscountenance，andthesimplicityandtimidityofhismanner。’WhatapeoplearetheseAmericans！’hethought。’Lookatthisnervous，weedy，simplelittlebirdinalowneckedshirt，andthinkofhimwieldinganddirectinginterestssoextendedandseeminglyincongruous！’Buthadwenotbetter，’heobservedaloud，’hadwenotperhapsbetterapproachthefacts？’
’Manofbusiness，Iperceive，sir！’saidtheAustralian。’Let’sapproachthefacts。It’sabreachofpromisecase。’
Theunhappyartistwassounpreparedforthisviewofhispositionthathecouldscarcesuppressacry。
’Dearme，’saidGideon，’theyareapttobeverytroublesome。
Tellmeeverythingaboutit，’headdedkindly;’ifyourequiremyassistance，concealnothing。’
’Youtellhim，’saidMichael，feeling，apparently，thathehaddonehisshare。’Myfriendwilltellyouallaboutit，’headdedtoGideon，withayawn。’Excusemyclosingmyeyesamoment;I’vebeensittingupwithasickfriend。’
Pitmangazedblanklyabouttheroom;rageanddespairseethedinhisinnocentspirit;thoughtsofflight，thoughtsevenofsuicide，cameandwentbeforehim;andstillthebarristerpatientlywaited，andstilltheartistgropedinvainforanyformofwords，howeverinsignificant。
’It’sabreachofpromisecase，’hesaidatlast，inalowvoice。
’I——Iamthreatenedwithabreachofpromisecase。’Here，indesperatequestofinspiration，hemadeaclutchathisbeard;
hisfingersclosedupontheunfamiliarsmoothnessofashavenchin;andwiththat，hopeandcourage（ifsuchexpressionscouldeverhavebeenappropriateinthecaseofPitman）conjointlyfled。HeshookMichaelroughly。’Wakeup！’hecried，withgenuineirritationinhistones。’Icannotdoit，andyouknowIcan’t。’
’Youmustexcusemyfriend，’saidMichael;’he’snohandasanarratorofstirringincident。Thecaseissimple，’hewenton。
’Myfriendisamanofverystrongpassions，andaccustomedtoasimple，patriarchalstyleoflife。Youseethethingfromhere：
unfortunatevisittoEurope，followedbyunfortunateacquaintancewithshamforeigncount，whohasalovelydaughter。MrThomaswasquitecarriedaway;heproposed，hewasaccepted，andhewrote——wroteinastylewhichIamsurehemustregrettoday。Iftheselettersareproducedincourt，sir，MrThomas’scharacterisgone。’
’AmItounderstand——’beganGideon。
’Mydearsir，’saidtheAustralianemphatically，’itisn’tpossibletounderstandunlessyousawthem。’
’Thatisapainfulcircumstance，’saidGideon;heglancedpityinglyinthedirectionoftheculprit，and，observingonhiscountenanceeverymarkofconfusion，pityinglywithdrewhiseyes。
’Andthatwouldbenothing，’continuedMrDicksonsternly，’butI
wish——Iwishfrommyheart，sir，IcouldsaythatMrThomas’shandswereclean。Hehasnoexcuse;forhewasengagedatthetime——andisstillengaged——tothebelleofConstantinople，Ga。
Myfriend’sconductwasunworthyofthebrutesthatperish。’
’Ga。？’repeatedGideonenquiringly。
’Acontractionincurrentuse，’saidMichael。’Ga。forGeorgia，inThesamewayasCo。forCompany。’
’Iwasawareitwassometimessowritten，’returnedthebarrister，’butnotthatitwassopronounced。’
’Fact，Iassureyou，’saidMichael。’Younowseeforyourself，sir，thatifthisunhappypersonistobesaved，somedevilishsharppracticewillbeneeded。There’smoney，andnodesiretospareit。MrThomascouldwriteachequetomorrowforahundredthousand。And，MrForsyth，there’sbetterthanmoney。Theforeigncount——CountTarnow，hecallshimself——wasformerlyatobacconistinBayswater，andpassedunderthehumblebutexpressivenameofSchmidt;hisdaughter——ifsheishisdaughter——there’sanotherpoint——makeanoteofthat，MrForsyth——hisdaughteratthattimeactuallyservedintheshop——andshenowproposestomarryamanoftheeminenceofMrThomas！Nowdoyouseeourgame？Weknowtheycontemplateamove;andwewishtoforestall’em。DownyougotoHamptonCourt，wheretheylive，andthreaten，orbribe，orboth，untilyougettheletters;ifyoucan’t，Godhelpus，wemustgotocourtandThomasmustbeexposed。I’llbedonewithhimforone，’addedtheunchivalrousfriend。
’Thereseemsomeelementsofsuccess，’saidGideon。’WasSchmidtatallknowntothepolice？’
’Wehopeso，’saidMichael。’Wehaveeverygroundtothinkso。
Marktheneighbourhood——Bayswater！Doesn’tBayswateroccurtoyouasverysuggestive？’
Forperhapsthesixthtimeduringthisremarkableinterview，Gideonwonderedifhewerenotbecominglight—headed。’Isupposeit’sjustbecausehehasbeenlunching，’hethought;andthenaddedaloud，’TowhatfiguremayIgo？’
’Perhapsfivethousandwouldbeenoughfortoday，’saidMichael。
’Andnow，sir，donotletmedetainyouanylonger;theafternoonwearson;thereareplentyoftrainstoHamptonCourt;andI
needn’ttrytodescribetoyoutheimpatienceofmyfriend。Hereisafive—poundnoteforcurrentexpenses;andhereistheaddress。’AndMichaelbegantowrite，paused，toreupthepaper，andputthepiecesinhispocket。’Iwilldictate，’hesaid，’mywritingissouncertain。’
Gideontookdowntheaddress，’CountTarnow，KurnaulVilla，HamptonCourt。’Thenhewrotesomethingelseonasheetofpaper。
’Yousaidyouhadnotchosenasolicitor，’hesaid。’Foracaseofthissort，hereisthebestmaninLondon。’AndhehandedthepapertoMichael。
’Godblessme！’ejaculatedMichael，ashereadhisownaddress。
’O，Idaresayyouhaveseenhisnameconnectedwithsomeratherpainfulcases，’saidGideon。’Butheishimselfaperfectlyhonestman，andhiscapacityisrecognized。Andnow，gentlemen，itonlyremainsformetoaskwhereIshallcommunicatewithyou。’
’TheLangham，ofcourse，’returnedMichael。’Tilltonight。’
’Tilltonight，’repliedGideon，smiling。’IsupposeImayknockyouupatalatehour？’
’Anyhour，anyhour，’criedthevanishingsolicitor。
’Nowthere’sayoungfellowwithaheaduponhisshoulders，’hesaidtoPitman，assoonastheywereinthestreet。
Pitmanwasindistinctlyheardtomurmur，’Perfectfool。’
’Notabitofhim，’returnedMichael。’Heknowswho’sthebestsolicitorinLondon，andit’snoteverymancansaythesame。
But，Isay，didn’tIpitchitinhot？’
Pitmanreturnednoanswer。
’Hullo！’saidthelawyer，pausing，’what’swrongwiththelong—sufferingPitman？’
’Youhadnorighttospeakofmeasyoudid，’theartistbrokeout;’yourlanguagewasperfectlyunjustifiable;youhavewoundedmedeeply。’
’Ineversaidawordaboutyou，’repliedMichael。’IspokeofEzraThomas;anddopleaserememberthatthere’snosuchparty。’
’It’sjustashardtobear，’saidtheartist。
Butbythistimetheyhadreachedthecorneroftheby—street;
andtherewasthefaithfulshoeblack，standingbythehorses’
headswithasplendidassumptionofdignity;andtherewasthepiano，figuringforlornuponthecart，whiletherainbeatuponitsunprotectedsidesandtrickleddownitselegantlyvarnishedlegs。
Theshoeblackwasagainputinrequisitiontobringfiveorsixstrongfellowsfromtheneighbouringpublic—house;andthelastbattleofthecampaignopened。ItisprobablethatMrGideonForsythhadnotyettakenhisseatinthetrainforHamptonCourt，beforeMichaelopenedthedoorofthechambers，andthegruntingportersdepositedtheBroadwoodgrandinthemiddleofthefloor。
’Andnow，’saidthelawyer，afterhehadsentthemenabouttheirbusiness，’onemoreprecaution。Wemustleavehimthekeyofthepiano，andwemustcontrivethatheshallfindit。Letmesee。’
Andhebuiltasquaretowerofcigarsuponthetopoftheinstrument，anddroppedthekeyintothemiddle。
’Pooryoungman，’saidtheartist，astheydescendedthestairs。
’Heisinadevilofaposition，’assentedMichaeldrily。’It’llbracehimup。’
’Andthatremindsme，’observedtheexcellentPitman，’thatI
fearIdisplayedamostungratefultemper。Ihadnoright，Isee，toresentexpressions，woundingastheywere，whichwereinnosensedirected。’
’That’sallright，’criedMichael，gettingonthecart。’Notawordmore，Pitman。Veryproperfeelingonyourpart;nomanofself—respectcanstandbyandhearhisaliasinsulted。’
Therainhadnowceased，Michaelwasfairlysober，thebodyhadbeendisposedof，andthefriendswerereconciled。Thereturntothemewswastherefore（incomparisonwithpreviousstagesoftheday’sadventures）quiteaholidayouting;andwhentheyhadreturnedthecartandwalkedforthagainfromthestable—yard，unchallenged，andevenunsuspected，Pitmandrewadeepbreathofjoy。’Andnow，’hesaid，’wecangohome。’
’Pitman，’saidthelawyer，stoppingshort，’yourrecklessnessfillsmewithconcern。What！wehavebeenwetthroughthegreaterpartoftheday，andyoupropose，incoldblood，togohome！No，sir——hotScotch。’
Andtakinghisfriend’sarmheledhimsternlytowardsthenearestpublic—house。NorwasPitman（Iregrettosay）whollyunwilling。Nowthatpeacewasrestoredandthebodygone，acertaininnocentskittishnessbegantoappearinthemannersoftheartist;andwhenhetouchedhissteamingglasstoMichael’s，hegiggledaloudlikeaventuresomeschoolgirlatapicnic。
CHAPTERIX。GloriousConclusionofMichaelFinsbury’sHolidayIknowMichaelFinsburypersonally;mybusiness——Iknowtheawkwardnessofhavingsuchamanforalawyer——stillit’sanoldstorynow，andthereissuchathingasgratitude，and，inshort，mylegalbusiness，althoughnow（Iamthankfultosay）ofquiteaplacidcharacter，remainsentirelyinMichael’shands。ButthetroubleisIhavenonaturaltalentforaddresses;Ilearnoneforeveryman——thatisfriendship’soffering;andthefriendwhosubsequentlychangeshisresidenceisdeadtome，memoryrefusingtopursuehim。Thusitcomesaboutthat，asIalwayswritetoMichaelathisoffice，IcannotsweartohisnumberintheKing’sRoad。Ofcourse（likemyneighbours），Ihavebeentodinnerthere。Oflateyears，sincehisaccessiontowealth，neglectofbusiness，andelectiontotheclub，theselittlefestivalshavebecomecommon。Hepicksupafewfellowsinthesmoking—room——allmenofAtticwit——myself，forinstance，ifhehasthelucktofindmedisengaged;astringofhansomsmaybeobserved（byHerMajesty）bowlinggailythroughStJames’sPark;andinaquarterofanhourthepartysurroundsoneofthebestappointedboardsinLondon。
ButatthetimeofwhichwewritethehouseintheKing’sRoad（letusstillcontinuetocallitNo。233）waskeptveryquiet;
whenMichaelentertainedguestsitwasatthehallsofNicholorVerreythathewouldconvenethem，andthedoorofhisprivateresidenceremainedclosedagainsthisfriends。Theupperstorey，whichwassunny，wassetapartforhisfather;thedrawing—roomwasneveropened;thedining—roomwasthesceneofMichael’slife。Itisinthispleasantapartment，shelteredfromthecuriosityofKing’sRoadbywireblinds，andentirelysurroundedbythelawyer’sunrivalledlibraryofpoetryandcriminaltrials，thatwefindhimsittingdowntohisdinnerafterhisholidaywithPitman。Aspareoldlady，withverybrighteyesandamouthhumorouslycompressed，waiteduponthelawyer’sneeds;ineverylineofhercountenanceshebetrayedthefactthatshewasanoldretainer;ineverywordthatfellfromherlipssheflauntedthegloriouscircumstanceofaScottishorigin;andthefearwithwhichthispowerfulcombinationfillstheboldestwasobviouslynostrangertothebosomofourfriend。ThehotScotchhavingsomewhatwarmeduptheembersoftheHeidsieck，Itwastouchingtoobservethemaster’seagernesstopullhimselftogetherundertheservant’seye;andwhenheremarked，’Ithink，Teena，I’lltakeabrandyandsoda，’hespokelikeamandoubtfulofhiselocution，andnothalfcertainofobedience。
’Nosuchathing，MrMichael，’wasthepromptreturn。’Clar’tandwater。’
’Well，well，Teena，Idaresayyouknowbest，’saidthemaster。
’Veryfatiguingdayattheoffice，though。’
’What？’saidtheretainer，’yeneverwereneartheoffice！’
’Oyes，Iwasthough;IwasrepeatedlyalongFleetStreet，’
returnedMichael。
’Prettypliskiesye’vebeenatthisday！’criedtheoldlady，withhumorousalacrity;andthen，’Takecare——don’tbreakmycrystal！’shecried，asthelawyercamewithinanaceofknockingtheglassesoffthetable。
’Andhowishekeeping？’askedMichael。
’O，justthesame，MrMichael，justthewayhe’llbetilltheend，worthyman！’wasthereply。’Butye’llnotbethefirstthat’saskedmethattheday。’
’No？’saidthelawyer。’Whoelse？’
’Ay，that’sajoke，too，’saidTeenagrimly。’Afriendofyours：
MrMorris。’
’Morris！Whatwasthelittlebeggarwantinghere？’enquiredMichael。
’Wantin’？Toseehim，’repliedthehousekeeper，completinghermeaningbyamovementofthethumbtowardtheupperstorey。
’That’sbyhiswayofit;butI’veanideeofmyown。Hetriedtobribeme，MrMichael。Bribe——me！’sherepeated，withinimitablescorn。’That’sno’kindofayounggentleman。’
’Didheso？’saidMichael。’Ibethedidn’toffermuch。’
’Nomorehedid，’repliedTeena;norcouldanysubsequentquestioningelicitfromherthesumwithwhichthethriftyleathermerchanthadattemptedtocorrupther。’ButIsenthimabouthisbusiness，’shesaidgallantly。’He’llnotcomehereagaininahurry。’
’Hemustn’tseemyfather，youknow;mindthat！’saidMichael。
’I’mnotgoingtohaveanypublicexhibitiontoalittlebeastlikehim。’
’Nofearofmelettin’him，’repliedthetrustyone。’Butthejokeisthis，MrMichael——see，ye’reupsettin’thesauce，that’sacleantablecloth——thebestofthejokeisthathethinksyourfather’sdeadandyou’rekeepin’itdark。’
Michaelwhistled。’Setathieftocatchathief，’saidhe。
’Exac’lywhatItoldhim！’criedthedelighteddame。
’I’llmakehimdanceforthat，’saidMichael。
’Couldn’tyegetthelawofhimsomeway？’suggestedTeenatruculently。
’No，Idon’tthinkIcould，andI’mquitesureIdon’twantto，’
repliedMichael。’ButIsay，Teena，Ireallydon’tbelievethisclaret’swholesome;it’snotasound，reliablewine。Giveusabrandyandsoda，there’sagoodsoul。’Teena’sfacebecamelikeadamant。’Well，then，’saidthelawyerfretfully，’Iwon’teatanymoredinner。’
’Yecanpleaseyourselfaboutthat，MrMichael，’saidTeena，andbegancomposedlytotakeaway。
’IdowishTeenawasn’tafaithfulservant！’sighedthelawyer，asheissuedintoKings’sRoad。
Therainhadceased;thewindstillblew，butonlywithapleasantfreshness;thetown，inthecleardarknessofthenight，glitteredwithstreet—lampsandshonewithglancingrain—pools。
’Come，thisisbetter，’thoughtthelawyertohimself，andhewalkedoneastward，lendingapleasedeartothewheelsandthemillionfootfallsofthecity。
NeartheendoftheKing’sRoadherememberedhisbrandyandsoda，andenteredaflauntingpublic—house。Agoodmanypersonswerepresent，awatermanfromacab—stand，halfadozenofthechronicallyunemployed，agentleman（inonecorner）tryingtosellaestheticphotographsoutofaleathercasetoanotherandveryyouthfulgentlemanwithayellowgoatee，andapairofloversdebatingsomefineshade（intheother）。Butthecentre—pieceandgreatattractionwasalittleoldman，inablack，ready—madesurtout，whichwasobviouslyarecentpurchase。
Onthemarbletableinfrontofhim，besideasandwichandaglassofbeer，therelayabatteredforagecap。Hishandflutteredabroadwithoratoricalgestures;hisvoice，naturallyshrill，wasplainlytunedtothepitchofthelectureroom;andbyarts，comparabletothoseoftheAncientMariner，hewasnowholdingspellboundthebarmaid，thewaterman，andfouroftheunemployed。
’IhaveexaminedallthetheatresinLondon，’hewassaying;’andpacingtheprincipalentrances，Ihaveascertainedthemtoberidiculouslydisproportionatetotherequirementsoftheiraudiences。Thedoorsopenedthewrongway——Iforgetatthismomentwhichitis，buthaveanoteofitathome;theywerefrequentlylockedduringtheperformance，andwhentheauditoriumwasliterallythrongedwithEnglishpeople。Youhaveprobablynothadmyopportunitiesofcomparingdistantlands;butIcanassureyouthishasbeenlongagorecognizedasamarkofaristocraticgovernment。Doyousuppose，inacountryreallyself—governed，suchabusescouldexist？Yourownintelligence，howeveruncultivated，tellsyoutheycouldnot。TakeAustria，acountryevenpossiblymoreenslavedthanEngland。IhavemyselfconversedwithoneofthesurvivorsoftheRingTheatre，andthoughhiscolloquialGermanwasnotverygood，Isucceededingatheringaprettyclearideaofhisopinionofthecase。But，whatwillperhapsinterestyoustillmore，hereisacuttingonthesubjectfromaViennanewspaper，whichIwillnowreadtoyou，translatingasIgo。Youcanseeforyourselves;itisprintedintheGermancharacter。’Andheheldthecuttingoutforverification，muchasaconjurorpassesatrickorangealongthefrontbench。
’Hullo，oldgentleman！Isthisyou？’saidMichael，layinghishandupontheorator’sshoulder。
Thefigureturnedwithaconvulsionofalarm，andshowedthecountenanceofMrJosephFinsbury。’You，Michael！’hecried。
’There’snoonewithyou，isthere？’
’No，’repliedMichael，orderingabrandyandsoda，’there’snobodywithme;whomdoyouexpect？’
’IthoughtofMorrisorJohn，’saidtheoldgentleman，evidentlygreatlyrelieved。
’WhatthedevilwouldIbedoingwithMorrisorJohn？’criedthenephew。
’Thereissomethinginthat，’returnedJoseph。’AndIbelieveI
cantrustyou。Ibelieveyouwillstandbyme。’
’Ihardlyknowwhatyoumean，’saidthelawyer，’butifyouareinneedofmoneyIamflush。’
’It’snotthat，mydearboy，’saidtheuncle，shakinghimbythehand。’I’lltellyouallaboutitafterwards。’
’Allright，’respondedthenephew。’Istandtreat，UncleJoseph;
whatwillyouhave？’
’Inthatcase，’repliedtheoldgentleman，’I’lltakeanothersandwich。IdaresayIsurpriseyou，’hewenton，’withmypresenceinapublic—house;butthefactis，Iactonasoundbutlittle—knownprincipleofmyown——’