Ihadbeenintroducedasanobjectofabhorrenceintothefamily;
asacreatureofwhommystep—mother，thoughshehadbeenkindenoughtoletmeliveinthehousewithherownchild，couldmakenothing。Iwasdescribedasawretch，whosenosemustbekepttothegrindingstone——anditwasheldtherewithanirongrasp。Itseemedindeedtheprivilegeoftheirsuperiornaturetokickmeabout，likethedogorcat。IfIwereattentive，Iwascalledfawning，ifrefractory，anobstinatemule，andlikeamuleIreceivedtheircensureonmyloadedback。Oftenhasmymistress，forsomeinstanceofforgetfulness，thrownmefromonesideofthekitchentotheother，knockedmyheadagainstthewall，spitinmyface，withvariousrefinementsonbarbaritythatIforbeartoenumerate，thoughtheywereallactedoveragainbytheservant，withadditionalinsults，towhichtheappellationofbastard，wascommonlyadded，withtauntsorsneers。ButIwillnotattempttogiveyouanadequateideaofmysituation，lestyou，whoprobablyhaveneverbeendrenchedwiththedregsofhumanmisery，shouldthinkIexaggerate。
\"Istolenow，fromabsolutenecessity，——bread;yetwhateverelsewastaken，whichIhaditnotinmypowertotake，wasascribedtome。Iwasthefilchingcat，theravenousdog，thedumbbrute，whomustbearall;forifIendeavouredtoexculpatemyself，Iwassilenced，withoutanyenquiriesbeingmade，with’Holdyourtongue，younevertelltruth。’EventheveryairIbreathedwastaintedwithscorn;forIwassenttotheneighbouringshopswithGlutton，Liar，orThief，writtenonmyforehead。Thiswas，atfirst，themostbitterpunishment;butsullenpride，orakindofstupiddesperation，mademe，atlength，almostregardlessofthecontempt，whichhadwrungfrommesomanysolitarytearsattheonlymomentswhenIwasallowedtorest。
\"ThuswasIthemarkofcrueltytillmysixteenthyear;andthenIhaveonlytopointoutachangeofmisery;foraperiodI
neverknew。Allowmefirsttomakeoneobservation。NowIlookback，Icannothelpattributingthegreaterpartofmymisery，tothemisfortuneofhavingbeenthrownintotheworldwithoutthegrandsupportoflife——amother’saffection。Ihadnoonetoloveme;ortomakemerespected，toenablemetoacquirerespect。
Iwasaneggdroppedonthesand;apauperbynature，huntedfromfamilytofamily，whobelongedtonobody——andnobodycaredforme。
Iwasdespisedfrommybirth，anddeniedthechanceofobtainingafootingformyselfinsociety。Yes;Ihadnoteventhechanceofbeingconsideredasafellow—creature——yetallthepeoplewithwhomIlived，brutalizedastheywerebythelowcunningoftrade，andthedespicableshiftsofpoverty，werenotwithoutbowels，thoughtheyneveryearnedforme。Iwas，infact，bornaslave，andchainedbyinfamytoslaveryduringthewholeofexistence，withouthavinganycompanionstoalleviateitbysympathy，orteachmehowtoriseaboveitbytheirexample。But，toresumethethreadofmytale——
\"Atsixteen，Isuddenlygrewtall，andsomethinglikecomelinessappearedonaSunday，whenIhadtimetowashmyface，andputoncleanclothes。Mymasterhadonceortwicecaughtholdofmeinthepassage;butIinstinctivelyavoidedhisdisgustingcaresses。
Onedayhowever，whenthefamilywereatamethodistmeeting，hecontrivedtobealoneinthehousewithme，andbyblows——yes;
blowsandmenaces，compelledmetosubmittohisferociousdesire;
and，toavoidmymistress’sfury，Iwasobligedinfuturetocomply，andskulktomyloftathiscommand，inspiteofincreasingloathing。
\"Theanguishwhichwasnowpentupinmybosom，seemedtoopenanewworldtome：Ibegantoextendmythoughtsbeyondmyself，andgrieveforhumanmisery，tillIdiscovered，withhorror——ah！
whathorror！——thatIwaswithchild。IknownotwhyIfeltamixedsensationofdespairandtenderness，exceptingthat，evercalledabastard，abastardappearedtomeanobjectofthegreatestcompassionincreation。
\"Icommunicatedthisdreadfulcircumstancetomymaster，whowasalmostequallyalarmedattheintelligence;forhefearedhiswife，andpubliccensureatthemeeting。Aftersomeweeksofdeliberationhadelapsed，Iincontinualfearthatmyalteredshapewouldbenoticed，mymastergavemeamedicineinaphial，whichhedesiredmetotake，tellingme，withoutanycircumlocution，forwhatpurposeitwasdesigned。Iburstintotears，Ithoughtitwaskillingmyself——yetwassuchaselfasIworthpreserving？
Hecursedmeforafool，andleftmetomyownreflections。
Icouldnotresolvetotakethisinfernalpotion;butI
wrappeditupinanoldgown，andhiditinacornerofmybox。
\"Nobodyyetsuspectedme，becausetheyhadbeenaccustomedtoviewmeasacreatureofanotherspecies。Butthethreateningstormatlastbrokeovermydevotedhead——nevershallIforgetit！
OneSundayeveningwhenIwasleft，asusual，totakecareofthehouse，mymastercamehomeintoxicated，andIbecamethepreyofhisbrutalappetite。Hisextremeintoxicationmadehimforgethiscustomarycaution，andmymistressenteredandfoundusinasituationthatcouldnothavebeenmorehatefultoherthanme。
Herhusbandwas’pot—valiant，’hefearedhernotatthemoment，norhadhethenmuchreason，forsheinstantlyturnedthewholeforceofherangeranotherway。Shetoreoffmycap，scratched，kicked，andbuffettedme，tillshehadexhaustedherstrength，declaring，assherestedherarm，’thatIhadwheedledherhusbandfromher。——But，couldanythingbetterbeexpectedfromawretch，whomshehadtakenintoherhouseoutofpurecharity？’Whatatorrentofabuserushedout？till，almostbreathless，sheconcludedwithsaying，’thatIwasbornastrumpet;itraninmyblood，andnothinggoodcouldcometothosewhoharbouredme。’
\"Mysituationwas，ofcourse，discovered，andshedeclaredthatIshouldnotstayanothernightunderthesameroofwithanhonestfamily。Iwasthereforepushedoutofdoors，andmytrumperythrownafterme，whenithadbeencontemptuouslyexaminedinthepassage，lestIshouldhavestolenanything。
\"Beholdmetheninthestreet，utterlydestitute！WhithercouldIcreepforshelter？Tomyfather’sroofIhadnoclaim，whennotpursuedbyshame——nowIshrunkbackasfromdeath，frommymother’scruelreproaches，myfather’sexecrations。IcouldnotenduretohearhimcursethedayIwasborn，thoughlifehadbeenacursetome。OfdeathIthought，butwithaconfusedemotionofterror，asIstoodleaningmyheadonapost，andstartingateveryfootstep，lestitshouldbemymistresscomingtotearmyheartout。Oneoftheboysoftheshoppassingby，heardmytale，andimmediatelyrepairedtohismaster，togivehimadescriptionofmysituation;andhetouchedtherightkey——thescandalitwouldgiveriseto，ifIwerelefttorepeatmytaletoeveryenquirer。
Thispleacamehometohisreason，whohadbeensoberedbyhiswife’srage，thefuryofwhichfellonhimwhenIwasoutofherreach，andhesenttheboytomewithhalf—a—guinea，desiringhimtoconductmetoahouse，wherebeggars，andotherwretches，therefuseofsociety，nightlylodged。
Thisnightwasspentinastateofstupefaction，ordesperation。
Idetestedmankind，andabhorredmyself。
\"InthemorningIventuredout，tothrowmyselfinmymaster’sway，athisusualhourofgoingabroad。Iapproachedhim，he’damnedmeforab————，declaredIhaddisturbedthepeaceofthefamily，andthathehadsworntohiswife，nevertotakeanymorenoticeofme。’Heleftme;but，instantlyreturning，hetoldmethatheshouldspeaktohisfriend，aparish—officer，togetanurseforthebratIlaidtohim;andadvisedme，ifIwishedtokeepoutofthehouseofcorrection，nottomakefreewithhisname。
\"Ihurriedbacktomyhole，and，ragegivingplacetodespair，soughtforthepotionthatwastoprocureabortion，andswallowedit，withawishthatitmightdestroyme，atthesametimethatitstoppedthesensationsofnew—bornlife，whichIfeltwithindescribableemotion。Myheadturnedround，myheartgrewsick，andinthehorrorsofapproachingdissolution，mentalanguishwasswallowedup。Theeffectofthemedicinewasviolent，andIwasconfinedtomybedseveraldays;but，youthandastrongconstitutionprevailing，Ioncemorecrawledout，toaskmyselfthecruelquestion，’WhitherIshouldgo？’Ihadbuttwoshillingsleftinmypocket，theresthadbeenexpended，byapoorwomanwhosleptinthesameroom，topayformylodging，andpurchasethenecessariesofwhichshepartook。
\"WiththiswretchIwentintotheneighbouringstreetstobeg，andmydisconsolateappearancedrewafewpencefromtheidle，enablingmestilltocommandabed;till，recoveringfrommyillness，andtaughttoputonmyragstothebestadvantage，Iwasaccostedfromdifferentmotives，andyieldedtothedesireofthebrutesI
met，withthesamedetestationthatIhadfeltformystillmorebrutalmaster。Ihavesincereadinnovelsoftheblandishmentsofseduction，butIhadnoteventhepleasureofbeingenticedintovice。
\"Ishallnot，\"interruptedJemima，\"leadyourimaginationintoallthescenesofwretchednessanddepravity，whichIwascondemnedtoview;ormarkthedifferentstagesofmydebasingmisery。Fatedraggedmethroughtheverykennelsofsociety：Iwasstillaslave，abastard，acommonproperty。Becomefamiliarwithvice，forIwishtoconcealnothingfromyou，Ipickedthepocketsofthedrunkardswhoabusedme;andprovedbymyconduct，thatIdeservedtheepithets，withwhichtheyloadedmeatmomentswhendistrustoughttocease。
\"Detestingmynightlyoccupation，thoughvaluing，ifImaysousetheword，myindependence，whichonlyconsistedinchoosingthestreetinwhichIshouldwander，ortheroof，whenIhadmoney，inwhichIshouldhidemyhead，IwassometimebeforeIcouldprevailonmyselftoacceptofaplaceinahouseofillfame，towhichagirl，withwhomIhadaccidentallyconversedinthestreet，hadrecommendedme。Ihadbeenhuntedalmostintoafever，bythewatchmenofthequarterofthetownIfrequented;one，whomIhadunwittinglyoffended，givingthewordtothewholepack。Youcanscarcelyconceivethetyrannyexercisedbythesewretches：consideringthemselvesastheinstrumentsoftheverylawstheyviolate，thepretextwhichsteelstheirconscience，hardenstheirheart。Notcontentwithreceivingfromus，outlawsofsociety（letotherwomentalkoffavours）abrutalgratificationgratuitouslyasaprivilegeofoffice，theyextortatitheofprostitution，andharrasswiththreatsthepoorcreatureswhoseoccupationaffordsnotthemeanstosilencethegrowlofavarice。Toescapefromthispersecution，Ioncemoreenteredintoservitude。
\"Alifeofcomparativeregularityrestoredmyhealth;and——
donotstart——mymannerswereimproved，inasituationwherevicesoughttorenderitselfalluring，andtastewascultivatedtofashiontheperson，ifnottorefinethemind。Besides，thecommoncivilityofspeech，contrastedwiththegrossvulgaritytowhichIhadbeenaccustomed，wassomethinglikethepolishofcivilization。
Iwasnotshutoutfromallintercourseofhumanity。StillIwasgalledbytheyokeofservice，andmymistressoftenflyingintoviolentfitsofpassion，mademedreadasuddendismission，whichIunderstoodwasalwaysthecase。Iwasthereforeprevailedon，thoughIfeltahorrorofmen，toaccepttheofferofagentleman，ratherinthedeclineofyears，tokeephishouse，pleasantlysituatedinalittlevillagenearHampstead。
\"Hewasamanofgreattalents，andofbrilliantwit;but，aworn—outvotaryofvoluptuousness，hisdesiresbecamefastidiousinproportionastheygrewweak，andthenativetendernessofhisheartwasunderminedbyavitiatedimagination。Athoughtlesscarreeroflibertinismandsocialenjoyment，hadinjuredhishealthtosuchadegree，that，whateverpleasurehisconversationaffordedme（andmyesteemwasensuredbyproofsofthegeneroushumanityofhisdisposition），thebeinghismistresswaspurchasingitataverydearrate。Withsuchakeenperceptionofthedelicaciesofsentiment，withanimaginationinvigoratedbytheexerciseofgenius，howcouldhesinkintothegrossnessofsensuality！
\"But，topassoverasubjectwhichIrecollectwithpain，Imustremarktoyou，asananswertoyouroften—repeatedquestion，’Whymysentimentsandlanguageweresuperiortomystation？’thatInowbegantoread，tobeguilethetediousnessofsolitude，andtogratifyaninquisitive，activemind。Ihadoften，inmychildhood，followedaballad—singer，tohearthesequelofadismalstory，thoughsureofbeingseverelypunishedfordelayingtoreturnwithwhateverIwassenttopurchase。Icouldjustspellandputasentencetogether，andIlistenedtothevariousarguments，thoughoftenmingledwithobscenity，whichoccurredatthetablewhereI
wasallowedtopreside：foraliteraryfriendortwofrequentlycamehomewithmymaster，todineandpassthenight。Havinglosttheprivilegedrespectofmysex，mypresence，insteadofrestraining，perhapsgavethereinstotheirtongues;stillIhadtheadvantageofhearingdiscussions，fromwhich，inthecommoncourseoflife，womenareexcluded。
\"Youmayeasilyimagine，thatitwasonlybydegreesthatI
couldcomprehendsomeofthesubjectstheyinvestigated，oracquirefromtheirreasoningwhatmightbetermedamoralsense。Butmyfondnessofreadingincreasing，andmymasteroccasionallyshuttinghimselfupinthisretreat，forweekstogether，towrite，Ihadmanyopportunitiesofimprovement。Atfirst，consideringmoney（I
wasright！\"exclaimedJemima，alteringhertoneofvoice）\"astheonlymeans，aftermylossofreputation，ofobtainingrespect，oreventhetolerationofhumanity，Ihadnottheleastscrupletosecreteapartofthesumsintrustedtome，andtoscreenmyselffromdetectionbyasystemoffalshood。But，acquiringnewprinciples，Ibegantohavetheambitionofreturningtotherespectablepartofsociety，andwasweakenoughtosupposeitpossible。Theattentionofmyunassuminginstructor，who，withoutbeingignorantofhisownpowers，possessedgreatsimplicityofmanners，strengthenedtheillusion。Havingsometimescaughtuphintsforthought，frommyuntutoredremarks，heoftenledmetodiscussthesubjectshewastreating，andwouldreadtomehisproductions，previoustotheirpublication，wishingtoprofitbythecriticismofunsophisticatedfeeling。Theaimofhiswritingswastotouchthesimplespringsoftheheart;forhedespisedthewould—beoracles，theself—electedphilosophers，whofrightawayfancy，whilesiftingeachgrainofthoughttoprovethatslownessofcomprehensioniswisdom。
\"Ishouldhavedistinguishedthisasamomentofsunshine，ahappyperiodinmylife，hadnottherepugnancethedisgustinglibertinismofmyprotectorinspired，dailybecomemorepainful。——And，indeed，Isoondidrecollectitassuchwithagony，whenhissuddendeath（forhehadrecoursetothemostexhilaratingcordialstokeepuptheconvivialtoneofhisspirits）againthrewmeintothedesertofhumansociety。Hadhehadanytimeforreflection，Iamcertainhewouldhaveleftthelittlepropertyinhispowertome：
but，attackedbythefatalapoplexyintown，hisheir，amanofrigidmorals，broughthiswifewithhimtotakepossessionofthehouseandeffects，beforeIwaseveninformedofhisdeath，——
’toprevent，’asshetookcareindirectlytotellme，’suchacreatureasshesupposedmetobe，frompurloininganyofthem，hadIbeenapprizedoftheeventintime。’
\"ThegriefIfeltatthesuddenshocktheinformationgaveme，whichatfirsthadnothingselfishinit，wastreatedwithcontempt，andIwasorderedtopackupmyclothes;andafewtrinketsandbooks，givenmebythegenerousdeceased，werecontested，whiletheypiouslyhoped，withareprobatingshakeofthehead，’thatGodwouldhavemercyonhissinfulsoul！’Withsomedifficulty，Iobtainedmyarrearsofwages;butasking——suchisthespirit—grindingconsequenceofpovertyandinfamy——foracharacterforhonestyandeconomy，whichGodknowsImerited，Iwastoldbythis——whymustIcallherwoman？——’thatitwouldgoagainstherconsciencetorecommendakeptmistress。’Tearsstartedinmyeyes，burningtears;
fortherearesituationsinwhichawretchishumbledbythecontempttheyareconscioustheydonotdeserve。
\"Ireturnedtothemetropolis;butthesolitudeofapoorlodgingwasinconceivablydreary，afterthesocietyIhadenjoyed。
Tobecutofffromhumanconverse，nowIhadbeentaughttorelishit，wastowanderaghostamongtheliving。Besides，Iforesaw，toaggravatetheseverityofmyfate，thatmylittlepittancewouldsoonmeltaway。Iendeavouredtoobtainneedlework;but，nothavingbeentaughtearly，andmyhandsbeingrenderedclumsybyhardwork，Ididnotsufficientlyexceltobeemployedbytheready—madelinenshops，whensomanywomen，betterqualified，weresuingforit。
Thewantofacharacterpreventedmygettingaplace;for，irksomeasservitudewouldhavebeentome，Ishouldhavemadeanothertrial，haditbeenfeasible。NotthatIdislikedemployment，buttheinequalityofconditiontowhichImusthavesubmitted。
Ihadacquiredatasteforliterature，duringthefiveyearsIhadlivedwithaliteraryman，occasionallyconversingwithmenofthefirstabilitiesoftheage;andnowtodescendtothelowestvulgarity，wasadegreeofwretchednessnottobeimaginedunfelt。Ihadnot，itistrue，tastedthecharmsofaffection，butIhadbeenfamiliarwiththegracesofhumanity。
\"Oneofthegentlemen，whomIhadfrequentlydinedincompanywith，whileIwastreatedlikeacompanion，metmeinthestreet，andenquiredaftermyhealth。Iseizedtheoccasion，andbegantodescribemysituation;buthewasinhastetojoin，atdinner，aselectpartyofchoicespirits;therefore，withoutwaitingtohearme，heimpatientlyputaguineaintomyhand，saying，’Itwasapitysuchasensiblewomanshouldbeindistress——hewishedmewellfromhissoul。’
\"ToanotherIwrote，statingmycase，andrequestingadvice。
Hewasanadvocateforunequivocalsincerity;andhadoften，inmypresence，descantedontheevilswhichariseinsocietyfromthedespotismofrankandriches。
\"Inreply，Ireceivedalongessayontheenergyofthehumanmind，withcontinualallusionstohisownforceofcharacter。Headded，’ThatthewomanwhocouldwritesuchaletterasIhadsenthim，couldneverbeinwantofresources，wereshetolookintoherself，andexertherpowers;miserywastheconsequenceofindolence，and，astomybeingshutoutfromsociety，itwasthelotofmantosubmittocertainprivations。’
\"HowoftenhaveIheard，\"saidJemima，interruptinghernarrative，\"inconversation，andreadinbooks，thateverypersonwillingtoworkmayfindemployment？Itisthevagueassertion，Ibelieve，ofinsensibleindolence，whenitrelatestomen;but，withrespecttowomen，Iamsureofitsfallacy，unlesstheywillsubmittothemostmenialbodilylabour;andeventobeemployedathardlabourisoutofthereachofmany，whosereputationmisfortuneorfollyhastainted。
\"Howwriters，professingtobefriendstofreedom，andtheimprovementofmorals，canassertthatpovertyisnoevil，Icannotimagine。\"
\"NomorecanI，\"interruptedMaria，\"yettheyevenexpatiateonthepeculiarhappinessofindigence，thoughinwhatitcanconsist，exceptinginbrutalrest，whenamancanbarelyearnasubsistence，Icannotimagine。Themindisnecessarilyimprisonedinitsownlittletenement;and，fullyoccupiedbykeepingitinrepair，hasnottimetoroveabroadforimprovement。Thebookofknowledgeiscloselyclasped，againstthosewhomustfulfiltheirdailytaskofseveremanuallabourordie;andcuriosity，rarelyexcitedbythoughtorinformation，seldommovesonthestagnatelakeofignorance。\"
\"AsfarasIhavebeenabletoobserve，\"repliedJemima，\"prejudices，caughtupbychance，areobstinatelymaintainedbythepoor，totheexclusionofimprovement;theyhavenottimetoreasonorreflecttoanyextent，ormindssufficientlyexercisedtoadopttheprinciplesofaction，whichformperhapstheonlybasisofcontentmentineverystation。\"*
*Thecopywhichappearstohavereceivedtheauthor’slastcorrections，endsatthisplace。[Godwin’snote]
\"Andindependence，\"saidDarnford，\"theyarenecessarilystrangersto，eventheindependenceofdespisingtheirpersecutors。
Ifthepoorarehappy，orcanbehappy，_things__are__very__well_
_as__they__are_。AndIcannotconceiveonwhatprinciplethosewriterscontendforachangeofsystem，whosupportthisopinion。
Theauthorsontheothersideofthequestionaremuchmoreconsistent，whograntthefact;yet，insistingthatitisthelotofthemajoritytobeoppressedinthislife，kindlyturnthemovertoanother，torectifythefalseweightsandmeasuresofthis，astheonlywaytojustifythedispensationsofProvidence。Ihavenot，\"continuedDarnford，\"anopinionmorefirmlyfixedbyobservationinmymind，thanthat，thoughrichesmayfailtoproduceproportionatehappiness，povertymostcommonlyexcludesit，byshuttingupalltheavenuestoimprovement。\"
\"Andasfortheaffections，\"addedMaria，withasigh，\"howgross，andeventormentingdotheybecome，unlessregulatedbyanimprovingmind！Thecultureoftheheartever，Ibelieve，keepspacewiththatofthemind。Butpraygoon，\"addressingJemima，\"thoughyournarrativegivesrisetothemostpainfulreflectionsonthepresentstateofsociety。\"
\"Nottotroubleyou，\"continuedshe，\"withadetaileddescriptionofallthepainfulfeelingsofunavailingexertion，Ihaveonlytotellyou，thatatlastIgotrecommendedtowashinafewfamilies，whodidmethefavourtoadmitmeintotheirhouses，withoutthemoststrictenquiry，towashfromoneinthemorningtilleightatnight，foreighteenortwenty—penceaday。Onthehappinesstobeenjoyedoverawashing—tubIneednotcomment;yetyouwillallowmetoobserve，thatthiswasawretchednessofsituationpeculiartomysex。Amanwithhalfmyindustry，and，Imaysay，abilities，couldhaveprocuredadecentlivelihood，anddischargedsomeofthedutieswhichknitmankindtogether;whilstI，whohadacquiredatastefortherational，nay，inhonestprideletmeassertit，thevirtuousenjoymentsoflife，wascastasideasthefilthofsociety。Condemnedtolabour，likeamachine，onlytoearnbread，andscarcelythat，Ibecamemelancholyanddesperate。
\"Ihavenowtomentionacircumstancewhichfillsmewithremorse，andfearitwillentirelydeprivemeofyouresteem。A
tradesmanbecameattachedtome，andvisitedmefrequently，——andIatlastobtainedsuchapoweroverhim，thatheofferedtotakemehometohishouse。——Consider，dearmadam，Iwasfamishing：wondernotthatIbecameawolf！。——Theonlyreasonfornottakingmehomeimmediately，wasthehavingagirlinthehouse，withchildbyhim——
andthisgirl——Iadvisedhim——yes，Idid！wouldIcouldforgetit！——
toturnoutofdoors：andonenighthedeterminedtofollowmyadvice。Poorwretch！Shefelluponherknees，remindedhimthathehadpromisedtomarryher，thatherparentswerehonest！——
Whatdiditavail？——Shewasturnedout。
\"Sheapproachedherfather’sdoor，intheskirtsofLondon，——listenedattheshutters，——butcouldnotknock。Awatchmanhadobservedhergoandreturnseveraltimes——Poorwretch！——[TheremorseJemimaspokeof，seemedtobestinginghertothesoul，assheproceeded。]
\"Sheleftit，and，approachingatubwherehorseswerewatered，shesatdowninit，and，withdesperateresolution，remainedinthatattitude——tillresolutionwasnolongernecessary！
\"Ihappenedthatmorningtobegoingouttowash，anticipatingthemomentwhenIshouldescapefromsuchhardlabour。Ipassedby，justassomemen，goingtowork，drewoutthestiff，coldcorpse——Letmenotrecalthehorridmoment！——Irecognizedherpalevisage;Ilistenedtothetaletoldbythespectators，andmyheartdidnotburst。Ithoughtofmyownstate，andwonderedhowIcouldbesuchamonster！——Iworkedhard;and，returninghome，Iwasattackedbyafever。Isufferedbothinbodyandmind。Ideterminednottolivewiththewretch。Buthedidnottryme;helefttheneighbourhood。Ioncemorereturnedtothewash—tub。
\"Stillthisstate，miserableasitwas，admittedofaggravation。
Liftingonedayaheavyload，atubfellagainstmyshin，andgavemegreatpain。Ididnotpaymuchattentiontothehurt，tillitbecameaseriouswound;beingobligedtoworkasusual，orstarve。
But，findingmyselfatlengthunabletostandforanytime，Ithoughtofgettingintoanhospital。Hospitals，itshouldseem（fortheyarecomfortlessabodesforthesick）wereexpresslyendowedforthereceptionofthefriendless;yetI，whohadonthatpleaarighttoassistance，wantedtherecommendationoftherichandrespectable，andwasseveralweekslanguishingforadmittance;
feesweredemandedonentering;and，whatwasstillmoreunreasonable，securityforburyingme，thatexpencenotcomingintotheletterofthecharity。Aguineawasthestipulatedsum——Icouldassoonhaveraisedamillion;andIwasafraidtoapplytotheparishforanorder，lesttheyshouldhavepassedme，Iknewnotwhither。
ThepoorwomanatwhosehouseIlodged，compassionatingmystate，gotmeintothehospital;andthefamilywhereIreceivedthehurt，sentmefiveshillings，threeandsix—penceofwhichIgaveatmyadmittance——Iknownotforwhat。
\"Myleggrewquicklybetter;butIwasdismissedbeforemycurewascompleted，becauseIcouldnotaffordtohavemylinenwashedtoappeardecently，astheviragoofanursesaid，whenthegentlemen（thesurgeons）came。Icannotgiveyouanadequateideaofthewretchednessofanhospital;everythingislefttothecareofpeopleintentongain。Theattendantsseemtohavelostallfeelingofcompassioninthebustlingdischargeoftheiroffices;
deathissofamiliartothem，thattheyarenotanxioustowarditoff。Everythingappearedtobeconductedfortheaccommodationofthemedicalmenandtheirpupils，whocametomakeexperimentsonthepoor，forthebenefitoftherich。Oneofthephysicians，Imustnotforgettomention，gavemehalf—a—crown，andorderedmesomewine，whenIwasatthelowestebb。Ithoughtofmakingmycaseknowntothelady—likematron;butherforbiddingcountenancepreventedme。Shecondescendedtolookonthepatients，andmakegeneralenquiries，twoorthreetimesaweek;butthenursesknewthehourwhenthevisitofceremonywouldcommence，andeverythingwasasitshouldbe。
\"Aftermydismission，Iwasmoreatalossthaneverforasubsistence，and，nottowearyyouwitharepetitionofthesameunavailingattempts，unabletostandatthewashing—tub，Ibegantoconsidertherichandpoorasnaturalenemies，andbecameathieffromprinciple。Icouldnotnowceasetoreason，butIhatedmankind。Idespisedmyself，yetIjustifiedmyconduct。Iwastaken，tried，andcondemnedtosixmonths’imprisonmentinahouseofcorrection。MysoulrecoilswithhorrorfromtheremembranceoftheinsultsIhadtoendure，till，brandedwithshame，Iwasturnedlooseinthestreet，pennyless。Iwanderedfromstreettostreet，till，exhaustedbyhungerandfatigue，Isunkdownsenselessatadoor，whereIhadvainlydemandedamorselofbread。Iwassentbytheinhabitanttothework—house，towhichhehadsurlilybidmego，saying，he’paidenoughinconsciencetothepoor，’
when，withparchedtongue，Iimploredhischarity。Ifthosewell—meaningpeoplewhoexclaimagainstbeggars，wereacquaintedwiththetreatmentthepoorreceiveinmanyofthesewretchedasylums，theywouldnotstiflesoeasilyinvoluntarysympathy，bysayingthattheyhaveallparishestogoto，orwonderthatthepoordreadtoenterthegloomywalls。Whatarethecommonrunofworkhouses，butprisons，inwhichmanyrespectableoldpeople，wornoutbyimmoderatelabour，sinkintothegraveinsorrow，towhichtheyarecarriedlikedogs！\"
Alarmedbysomeindistinctnoise，Jemimarosehastilytolisten，andMaria，turningtoDarnford，said，\"IhaveindeedbeenshockedbeyondexpressionwhenIhavemetapauper’sfuneral。
Acoffincarriedontheshouldersofthreeorfourill—lookingwretches，whomtheimaginationmighteasilyconvertintoabandofassassins，hasteningtoconcealthecorpse，andquarrellingaboutthepreyontheirway。Iknowitisoflittleconsequencehowweareconsignedtotheearth;butIamledbythisbrutalinsensibility，towhateventheanimalcreationappearsforciblytofeel，toadverttothewretched，desertedmannerinwhichtheydied。\"
\"True，\"rejoinedDarnford，\"and，tilltherichwillgivemorethanapartoftheirwealth，tilltheywillgivetimeandattentiontothewantsofthedistressed，neverletthemboastofcharity。
Letthemopentheirhearts，andnottheirpurses，andemploytheirmindsintheservice，iftheyarereallyactuatedbyhumanity;
orcharitableinstitutionswillalwaysbethepreyofthelowestorderofknaves。\"
Jemimareturning，seemedinhastetofinishhertale。\"Theoverseerfarmedthepoorofdifferentparishes，andoutofthebowelsofpovertywaswrungthemoneywithwhichhepurchasedthisdwelling，asaprivatereceptacleformadness。Hehadbeenakeeperatahouseofthesamedescription，andconceivedthathecouldmakemoneymuchmorereadilyinhisoldoccupation。Heisashrewd——shallIsayit？——villain。Heobservedsomethingresoluteinmymanner，andofferedtotakemewithhim，andinstructmehowtotreatthedisturbedmindshemeanttointrusttomycare。Theofferoffortypoundsayear，andtoquitaworkhouse，wasnottobedespised，thoughtheconditionofshuttingmyeyesandhardeningmyheartwasannexedtoit。
\"Iagreedtoaccompanyhim;andfouryearshaveIbeenattendantonmanywretches，and\"——sheloweredhervoice，——\"thewitnessofmanyenormities。Insolitudemymindseemedtorecoveritsforce，andmanyofthesentimentswhichIimbibedintheonlytolerableperiodofmylife，returnedwiththeirfullforce。Stillwhatshouldinducemetobethechampionforsufferinghumanity？——Whoeverriskedanythingforme？——Whoeveracknowledgedmetobeafellow—creature？\"——
Mariatookherhand，andJemima，moreovercomebykindnessthanshehadeverbeenbycruelty，hastenedoutoftheroomtoconcealheremotions。
Darnfordsoonafterheardhissummons，and，takingleaveofhim，Mariapromisedtogratifyhiscuriosity，withrespecttoherself，thefirstopportunity。
CHAPTER6
ACTIVEaslovewasintheheartofMaria，thestoryshehadjustheardmadeherthoughtstakeawiderrange。Theopeningbudsofhopeclosed，asiftheyhadputforthtooearly，andthethehappiestdayofherlifewasovercastbythemostmelancholyreflections。
ThinkingofJemima’speculiarfateandherown，shewasledtoconsidertheoppressedstateofwomen，andtolamentthatshehadgivenbirthtoadaughter。Sleepfledfromhereyelids，whileshedweltonthewretchednessofunprotectedinfancy，tillsympathywithJemimachangedtoagony，whenitseemedprobablethatherownbabemightevennowbeintheverystateshesoforciblydescribed。
Mariathought，andthoughtagain。Jemima’shumanityhadratherbeenbenumbedthankilled，bythekeenfrostshehadtobraveatherentranceintolife;anappealthentoherfeelings，onthistenderpoint，surelywouldnotbefruitless;andMariabegantoanticipatethedelightitwouldaffordhertogainintelligenceofherchild。Thisprojectwasnowtheonlysubjectofreflection;
andshewatchedimpatientlyforthedawnofday，withthatdeterminatepurposewhichgenerallyinsuressuccess。
Attheusualhour，Jemimabroughtherbreakfast，andatendernotefromDarnford。Sheranhereyehastilyoverit，andherheartcalmlyhoardeduptheraptureafreshassuranceofaffection，affectionsuchasshewishedtoinspire，gaveher，withoutdivertinghermindamomentfromitsdesign。WhileJemimawaitedtotakeawaythebreakfast，Mariaalludedtothereflections，thathadhauntedherduringthenighttotheexclusionofsleep。ShespokewithenergyofJemima’sunmeritedsufferings，andofthefateofanumberofdesertedfemales，placedwithinthesweepofawhirlwind，fromwhichitwasnexttoimpossibletoescape。Perceivingtheeffectherconversationproducedonthecountenanceofherguard，shegraspedthearmofJemimawiththatirresistiblewarmthwhichdefiesrepulse，exclaiming——\"Withyourheart，andsuchdreadfulexperience，canyoulendyouraidtodeprivemybabeofamother’stenderness，amother’scare？InthenameofGod，assistmetosnatchherfromdestruction！Letmebutgiveheraneducation——letmebutprepareherbodyandmindtoencountertheillswhichawaithersex，andIwillteachhertoconsideryouashersecondmother，andherselfasthepropofyourage。Yes，Jemima，lookatme——
observemeclosely，andreadmyverysoul;youmeritabetterfate;\"
sheheldoutherhandwithafirmgestureofassurance;
\"andIwillprocureitforyou，asatestimonyofmyesteem，aswellasofmygratitude。\"
Jemimahadnotpowertoresistthispersuasivetorrent;and，owningthatthehouseinwhichshewasconfined，wassituatedonthebanksoftheThames，onlyafewmilesfromLondon，andnotonthesea—coast，asDarnfordhadsupposed，shepromisedtoinventsomeexcuseforherabsence，andgoherselftotracethesituation，andenquireconcerningthehealth，ofthisabandoneddaughter。
Hermannerimpliedanintentiontodosomethingmore，butsheseemedunwillingtoimpartherdesign;andMaria，gladtohaveobtainedthemainpoint，thoughtitbesttoleavehertotheworkingsofherownmind;convincedthatshehadthepowerofinterestingherstillmoreinfavourofherselfandchild，byasimplerecitaloffacts。
Intheevening，Jemimainformedtheimpatientmother，thatonthemorrowsheshouldhastentotownbeforethefamilyhourofrising，andreceivedalltheinformationnecessary，asacluetohersearch。The\"Goodnight！\"Mariautteredwaspeculiarlysolemnandaffectionate。Gladexpectationsparkledinhereye;and，forthefirsttimesinceherdetention，shepronouncedthenameofherchildwithpleasureablefondness;and，withallthegarrulityofanurse，describedherfirstsmilewhensherecognizedhermother。
Recollectingherself，astillkinder\"Adieu！\"witha\"Godblessyou！\"——thatseemedtoincludeamaternalbenediction，dismissedJemima。
Thedrearysolitudeoftheensuingday，lengthenedbyimpatientlydwellingonthesameidea，wasintolerablywearisome。Shelistenedforthesoundofaparticularclock，whichsomedirectionsofthewindallowedhertoheardistinctly。Shemarkedtheshadowgainingonthewall;and，twilightthickeningintodarkness，herbreathseemedoppressedwhilesheanxiouslycountednine。——Thelastsoundwasastrokeofdespaironherheart;forsheexpectedeverymoment，withoutseeingJemima，tohaveherlightextinguishedbythesavagefemalewhosuppliedherplace。Shewasevenobligedtoprepareforbed，restlessasshewas，nottodisobligehernewattendant。
Shehadbeencautionednottospeaktoofreelytoher;butthecautionwasneedless，hercountenancewouldstillmoreemphaticallyhavemadehershrinkback。Suchwastheferocityofmanner，conspicuousineverywordandgestureofthishag，thatMariawasafraidtoenquire，whyJemima，whohadfaithfullypromisedtoseeherbeforeherdoorwasshutforthenight，camenot？——
and，whenthekeyturnedinthelock，toconsignhertoanightofsuspence，shefeltadegreeofanguishwhichthecircumstancesscarcelyjustified。
Continuallyonthewatch，theshuttingofadoor，orthesoundofafoot—step，madeherstartandtremblewithapprehension，somethinglikewhatshefelt，when，atherentrance，draggedalongthegallery，shebegantodoubtwhethershewerenotsurroundedbydemons？
Fatiguedbyanendlessrotationofthoughtandwildalarms，shelookedlikeaspectre，whenJemimaenteredinthemorning;
especiallyashereyesdartedoutofherhead，toreadinJemima’scountenance，almostaspallid，theintelligenceshedarednottrusthertonguetodemand。Jemimaputdownthetea—things，andappearedverybusyinarrangingthetable。Mariatookupacupwithtremblinghand，thenforciblyrecoveringherfortitude，andrestrainingtheconvulsivemovementwhichagitatedthemusclesofhermouth，shesaid，\"Spareyourselfthepainofpreparingmeforyourinformation，Iadjureyou！——Mychildisdead！\"Jemimasolemnlyanswered，\"Yes;\"
withalookexpressiveofcompassionandangryemotions。
\"Leaveme，\"addedMaria，makingafreshefforttogovernherfeelings，andhidingherfaceinherhandkerchief，toconcealheranguish——\"Itisenough——Iknowthatmybabeisnomore——IwillheartheparticularswhenIam\"——calmer，shecouldnotutter;andJemima，withoutimportuningherbyidleattemptstoconsoleher，lefttheroom。
Plungedinthedeepestmelancholy，shewouldnotadmitDarnford’svisits;andsuchistheforceofearlyassociationsevenonstrongminds，that，forawhile，sheindulgedthesuperstitiousnotionthatshewasjustlypunishedbythedeathofherchild，forhavingforaninstantceasedtoregretherloss。TwoorthreelettersfromDarnford，fullofsoothing，manlytenderness，onlyaddedpoignancytotheseaccusingemotions;yetthepassionatestyleinwhichheexpressed，whathetermedthefirstandfondestwishofhisheart，\"thathisaffectionmightmakehersomeamendsforthecrueltyandinjusticeshehadendured，\"inspiredasentimentofgratitudetoheaven;andhereyesfilledwithdelicioustears，when，attheconclusionofhisletter，wishingtosupplytheplaceofherunworthyrelations，whosewantofprincipleheexecrated，heassuredher，callingherhisdearestgirl，\"thatitshouldhenceforthbethebusinessofhislifetomakeherhappy。\"
Hebegged，inanotesentthefollowingmorning，tobepermittedtoseeher，whenhispresencewouldbenointrusiononhergrief，andsoearnestlyintreatedtobeallowed，accordingtopromise，tobeguilethetediousmomentsofabsence，bydwellingontheeventsofherpastlife，thatshesenthimthememoirswhichhadbeenwrittenforherdaughter，promisingJemimatheperusalassoonashereturnedthem。
CHAPTER7
\"ADDRESSINGthesememoirstoyou，mychild，uncertainwhetherI
shalleverhaveanopportunityofinstructingyou，manyobservationswillprobablyflowfrommyheart，whichonlyamother——amotherschooledinmisery，couldmake。
\"Thetendernessofafatherwhoknewtheworld，mightbegreat;
butcoulditequalthatofamother——ofamother，labouringunderaportionofthemisery，whichtheconstitutionofsocietyseemstohaveentailedonallherkind？Itis，mychild，mydearestdaughter，onlysuchamother，whowilldaretobreakthroughallrestrainttoprovideforyourhappiness——whowillvoluntarilybravecensureherself，towardoffsorrowfromyourbosom。Frommynarrative，mydeargirl，youmaygathertheinstruction，thecounsel，whichismeantrathertoexercisethaninfluenceyourmind。——Deathmaysnatchmefromyou，beforeyoucanweighmyadvice，orenterintomyreasoning：Iwouldthen，withfondanxiety，leadyouveryearlyinlifetoformyourgrandprincipleofaction，tosaveyoufromthevainregretofhaving，throughirresolution，letthespring—tideofexistencepassaway，unimproved，unenjoyed。——
Gainexperience——ah！gainit——whileexperienceisworthhaving，andacquiresufficientfortitudetopursueyourownhappiness;
itincludesyourutility，byadirectpath。Whatiswisdomtoooften，buttheowlofthegoddess，whositsmopinginadesolatedheart;
aroundmesheshrieks，butIwouldinviteallthegaywarblersofspringtonestleinyourbloomingbosom。——HadInotwastedyearsindeliberating，afterIceasedtodoubt，howIoughttohaveacted——Imightnowbeusefulandhappy。——Formysake，warnedbymyexample，alwaysappearwhatyouare，andyouwillnotpassthroughexistencewithoutenjoyingitsgenuineblessings，loveandrespect。
\"BorninoneofthemostromanticpartsofEngland，anenthusiasticfondnessforthevaryingcharmsofnatureisthefirstsentimentIrecollect;orratheritwasthefirstconsciousnessofpleasurethatemployedandformedmyimagination。
\"Myfatherhadbeenacaptainofamanofwar;but，disgustedwiththeservice，onaccountoftheprefermentofmenwhosechiefmeritwastheirfamilyconnectionsorboroughinterest，heretiredintothecountry;and，notknowingwhattodowithhimself——married。
Inhisfamily，toregainhislostconsequence，hedeterminedtokeepupthesamepassiveobedience，asinthevesselsinwhichhehadcommanded。Hisorderswerenottobedisputed;andthewholehousewasexpectedtofly，atthewordofcommand，asiftomantheshrouds，ormountaloftinanelementalstrife，bigwithlifeordeath。Hewastobeinstantaneouslyobeyed，especiallybymymother，whomheverybenevolentlymarriedforlove;buttookcaretoremindheroftheobligation，whenshedared，intheslightestinstance，toquestionhisabsoluteauthority。Myeldestbrother，itistrue，ashegrewup，wastreatedwithmorerespectbymyfather;andbecameindueformthedeputy—tyrantofthehouse。
Therepresentativeofmyfather，abeingprivilegedbynature——aboy，andthedarlingofmymother，hedidnotfailtoactlikeanheirapparent。Suchindeedwasmymother’sextravagantpartiality，that，incomparisonwithheraffectionforhim，shemightbesaidnottolovetherestofherchildren。Yetnoneofthechildrenseemedtohavesolittleaffectionforher。Extremeindulgencehadrenderedhimsoselfish，thatheonlythoughtofhimself;andfromtormentinginsectsandanimals，hebecamethedespotofhisbrothers，andstillmoreofhissisters。
\"Itisperhapsdifficulttogiveyouanideaofthepettycareswhichobscuredthemorningofmylife;continualrestraintinthemosttrivialmatters;unconditionalsubmissiontoorders，which，asamerechild，Isoondiscoveredtobeunreasonable，becauseinconsistentandcontradictory。Thusarewedestinedtoexperienceamixtureofbitterness，withtherecollectionofourmostinnocentenjoyments。
\"Thecircumstanceswhich，duringmychildhood，occurredtofashionmymind，werevarious;yet，asitwouldprobablyaffordmemorepleasuretorevivethefadingremembranceofnewborndelight，thanyou，mychild，couldfeelintheperusal，Iwillnotenticeyoutostraywithmeintotheverdantmeadow，tosearchfortheflowersthatyouthfulhopesscatterineverypath;though，asI
write，Ialmostscentthefreshgreenofspring——ofthatspringwhichneverreturns！
\"Ihadtwosisters，andonebrother，youngerthanmyself，mybrotherRobertwastwoyearsolder，andmighttrulybetermedtheidolofhisparents，andthetormentoftherestofthefamily。
Suchindeedistheforceofprejudice，thatwhatwascalledspiritandwitinhim，wascruellyrepressedasforwardnessinme。
\"Mymotherhadanindolenceofcharacter，whichpreventedherfrompayingmuchattentiontooureducation。Butthehealthybreezeofaneighbouringheath，onwhichweboundedatpleasure，volatilizedthehumoursthatimproperfoodmighthavegenerated。Andtoenjoyopenairandfreedom，wasparadise，aftertheunnaturalrestraintofourfireside，wherewewereoftenobligedtositthreeorfourhourstogether，withoutdaringtoutteraword，whenmyfatherwasoutofhumour，fromwantofemployment，orofavarietyofboisterousamusement。Ihadhoweveroneadvantage，aninstructor，thebrotherofmyfather，who，intendedforthechurch，hadofcoursereceivedaliberaleducation。But，becomingattachedtoayoungladyofgreatbeautyandlargefortune，andacquiringintheworldsomeopinionsnotconsonantwiththeprofessionforwhichhewasdesigned，heaccepted，withthemostsanguineexpectationsofsuccess，theofferofanoblemantoaccompanyhimtoIndia，ashisconfidentialsecretary。
\"Acorrespondencewasregularlykeptupwiththeobjectofhisaffection;andtheintricaciesofbusiness，peculiarlywearisometoamanofaromanticturnofmind，contributed，withaforcedabsence，toincreasehisattachment。Everyotherpassionwaslostinthismaster—one，andonlyservedtoswellthetorrent。Herrelations，suchwerehiswakingdreams，whohaddespisedhim，wouldcourtintheirturnhisalliance，andalltheblandishmentsoftastewouldgracethetriumphoflove。——Whilehebaskedinthewarmsunshineoflove，friendshipalsopromisedtosheditsdewyfreshness;
forafriend，whomhelovednexttohismistress，wastheconfident，whoforwardedthelettersfromonetotheother，toeludetheobservationofpryingrelations。Afriendfalseinsimilarcircumstances，is，mydearestgirl，anoldtale;yet，letnotthisexample，orthefrigidcautionofcoldbloodedmoralists，makeyouendeavourtostiflehopes，whicharethebudsthatnaturallyunfoldthemselvesduringthespringoflife！Whilstyourownheartissincere，alwaysexpecttomeetoneglowingwiththesamesentiments;
fortoflyfrompleasure，isnottoavoidpain！
\"Myunclerealized，bygoodluck，ratherthanmanagement，ahandsomefortune;andreturningonthewingsoflove，lostinthemostenchantingreveries，toEngland，toshareitwithhismistressandhisfriend，hefoundthem——united。
\"Thereweresomecircumstances，notnecessaryformetorecite，whichaggravatedtheguiltofthefriendbeyondmeasure，andthedeception，thathadbeencarriedontothelastmoment，wassobase，itproducedthemostviolenteffectonmyuncle’shealthandspirits。Hisnativecountry，theworld！latelyagardenofbloomingsweets，blastedbytreachery，seemedchangedintoaparcheddesert，theabodeofhissingserpents。Disappointmentrankledinhisheart;
and，broodingoverhiswrongs，hewasattackedbyaragingfever，followedbyaderangementofmind，whichonlygaveplacetohabitualmelancholy，asherecoveredmorestrengthofbody。
\"Declaringanintentionnevertomarry，hisrelationswereeverclusteringabouthim，payingthegrossestadulationtoaman，who，disgustedwithmankind，receivedthemwithscorn，orbittersarcasms。Somethinginmycountenancepleasedhim，whenIbegantoprattle。Sincehisreturn，heappeareddeadtoaffection;butIsoon，byshowinghiminnocentfondness，becameafavourite;andendeavouringtoenlargeandstrengthenmymind，IgrewdeartohiminproportionasIimbibedhissentiments。Hehadaforciblemannerofspeaking，renderedmoresobyacertainimpressivewildnessoflookandgesture，calculatedtoengagetheattentionofayoungandardentmind。ItisnotthensurprisingthatIquicklyadoptedhisopinionsinpreference，andreverencedhimasoneofasuperiororderofbeings。Heinculcated，withgreatwarmth，self—respect，andaloftyconsciousnessofactingright，independentofthecensureorapplauseoftheworld;nay，healmosttaughtmetobrave，andevendespiseitscensure，whenconvincedoftherectitudeofmyownintentions。
\"Endeavouringtoprovetomethatnothingwhichdeservedthenameofloveorfriendship，existedintheworld，hedrewsuchanimatedpicturesofhisownfeelings，renderedpermanentbydisappointment，asimprintedthesentimentsstronglyonmyheart，andanimatedmyimagination。Theseremarksarenecessarytoelucidatesomepeculiaritiesinmycharacter，whichbytheworldareindefinitelytermedromantic。
\"Myuncle’sincreasingaffectionledhimtovisitmeoften。
Still，unabletorestinanyplace，hedidnotremainlonginthecountrytosoftendomestictyranny;buthebroughtmebooks，forwhichIhadapassion，andtheyconspiredwithhisconversation，tomakemeformanidealpictureoflife。Ishallpassoverthetyrannyofmyfather，muchasIsufferedfromit;butitisnecessarytonotice，thatitunderminedmymother’shealth;andthathertemper，continuallyirritatedbydomesticbickering，becameintolerablypeevish。
\"Myeldestbrotherwasarticledtoaneighbouringattorney，theshrewdest，and，Imayadd，themostunprincipledmaninthatpartofthecountry。AsmybrothergenerallycamehomeeverySaturday，toastonishmymotherbyexhibitinghisattainments，hegraduallyassumedarightofdirectingthewholefamily，notexceptingmyfather。Heseemedtotakeapeculiarpleasureintormentingandhumblingme;andifIeverventuredtocomplainofthistreatmenttoeithermyfatherormother，Iwasrudelyrebuffedforpresumingtojudgeoftheconductofmyeldestbrother。
\"Aboutthisperiodamerchant’sfamilycametosettleinourneighbourhood。Amansion—houseinthevillage，latelypurchased，hadbeenpreparingthewholespring，andthesightofthecostlyfurniture，sentfromLondon，hadexcitedmymother’senvy，androusedmyfather’spride。Mysensationswereverydifferent，andallofapleasurablekind。Ilongedtoseenewcharacters，tobreakthetediousmonotonyofmylife;andtofindafriend，suchasfancyhadpourtrayed。IcannotthendescribetheemotionI
felt，theSundaytheymadetheirappearanceatchurch。MyeyeswererivettedonthepillarroundwhichIexpectedfirsttocatchaglimpseofthem，anddartedforthtomeetaservantwhohastilyprecededagroupofladies，whosewhiterobesandwavingplumes，seemedtostreamalongthegloomyaisle，diffusingthelight，bywhichIcontemplatedtheirfigures。
\"Wevisitedtheminform;andIquicklyselectedtheeldestdaughterformyfriend。Thesecondson，George，paidmeparticularattention，andfindinghisattainmentsandmannerssuperiortothoseoftheyoungmenofthevillage，Ibegantoimaginehimsuperiortotherestofmankind。Hadmyhomebeenmorecomfortable，ormypreviousacquaintancemorenumerous，Ishouldnotprobablyhavebeensoeagertoopenmyhearttonewaffections。
\"Mr。Venables，themerchant，hadacquiredalargefortunebyunremittingattentiontobusiness;buthishealthdecliningrapidly，hewasobligedtoretire，beforehisson，George，hadacquiredsufficientexperience，toenablehimtoconducttheiraffairsonthesameprudentialplan，hisfatherhadinvariablypursued。
Indeed，hehadlabouredtothrowoffhisauthority，havingdespisedhisnarrowplansandcautiousspeculation。Theeldestsoncouldnotbeprevailedontoenterthefirm;and，toobligehiswife，andhavepeaceinthehouse，Mr。Venableshadpurchasedacommissionforhimintheguards。
\"Iamnowalludingtocircumstanceswhichcametomyknowledgelongafter;butitisnecessary，mydearestchild，thatyoushouldknowthecharacterofyourfather，topreventyourdespisingyourmother;theonlyparentinclinedtodischargeaparent’sduty。InLondon，Georgehadacquiredhabitsoflibertinism，whichhecarefullyconcealedfromhisfatherandhiscommercialconnections。Themaskhewore，wassocompleteacoveringofhisrealvisage，thatthepraisehisfatherlavishedonhisconduct，and，poormistakenman！
onhisprinciples，contrastedwithhisbrother’s，renderedthenoticehetookofmepeculiarlyflattering。Withoutanyfixeddesign，asIamnowconvinced，hecontinuedtosinglemeoutatthedance，pressmyhandatparting，andutterexpressionsofunmeaningpassion，towhichIgaveameaningnaturallysuggestedbytheromanticturnofmythoughts。Hisstayinthecountrywasshort;hismannersdidnotentirelypleaseme;but，whenheleftus，thecolouringofmypicturebecamemorevivid——Whitherdidnotmyimaginationleadme？Inshort，Ifanciedmyselfinlove——inlovewiththedisinterestedness，fortitude，generosity，dignity，andhumanity，withwhichIhadinvestedtheheroIdubbed。Acircumstancewhichsoonafteroccurred，renderedallthesevirtuespalpable。
[Theincidentisperhapsworthrelatingonotheraccounts，andthereforeIshalldescribeitdistinctly。]
\"Ihadagreataffectionformynurse，oldMary，forwhomI
usedoftentowork，tosparehereyes。Maryhadayoungersister，marriedtoasailor，whileshewassucklingme;formymotheronlysuckledmyeldestbrother，whichmightbethecauseofherextraordinarypartiality。Peggy，Mary’ssister，livedwithher，tillherhusband，becomingamateinaWest—Indiantrader，gotalittlebefore—handintheworld。HewrotetohiswifefromthefirstportintheChannel，afterhismostsuccessfulvoyage，torequesthertocometoLondontomeethim;heevenwishedhertodetermineonlivingthereforthefuture，tosavehimthetroubleofcomingtoherthemomenthecameonshore;andtoturnapennybykeepingagreen—stall。Itwastoomuchtosetoutonajourneythemomenthehadfinishedavoyage，andfiftymilesbyland，wasworsethanathousandleaguesbysea。
\"Shepackedupheralls，andcametoLondon——butdidnotmeethonestDaniel。Acommonmisfortunepreventedher，andthepoorareboundtosufferforthegoodoftheircountry——hewaspressedintheriver——andnevercameonshore。
\"PeggywasmiserableinLondon，notknowing，asshesaid，’thefaceofanylivingsoul。’Besides，herimaginationhadbeenemployed，anticipatingamonthorsixweeks’happinesswithherhusband。
DanielwastohavegonewithhertoSadler’sWells，andWestminsterAbbey，andtomanysights，whichheknewsheneverheardofinthecountry。Peggytoowasthrifty，andhowcouldshemanagetoputhisplaninexecutionalone？Hehadacquaintance;butshedidnotknowtheverynameoftheirplacesofabode。Hislettersweremadeupof——Howdoyoudoes，andGodblessyous，——informationwasreservedforthehourofmeeting。
\"Shetoohadherportionofinformation，nearatheart。MollyandJackyweregrownsuchlittledarlings，shewasalmostangrythatdaddydidnotseetheirtricks。Shehadnothalfthepleasuresheshouldhavehadfromtheirprattle，couldshehaverecountedtohimeachnighttheprettyspeechesoftheday。Somestories，however，werestoredup——andJackycouldsaypapawithsuchasweetvoice，itmustdelighthisheart。Yetwhenshecame，andfoundnoDanieltogreether，whenJackycalledpapa，shewept，bidding’Godblesshisinnocentsoul，thatdidnotknowwhatsorrowwas。’——
ButmoresorrowwasinstoreforPeggy，innocentasshewas。——
Danielwaskilledinthefirstengagement，andthenthepapawasagony，soundingtotheheart。
\"Shehadlivedsparinglyonhiswages，whiletherewasanyhopeofhisreturn;but，thatgone，shereturnedwithabreakinghearttothecountry，toalittlemarkettown，nearlythreemilesfromourvillage。Shedidnotliketogotoservice，tobesnubbedabout，afterbeingherownmistress。Toputherchildrenouttonursewasimpossible：howfarwouldherwagesgo？andtosendthemtoherhusband’sparish，adistantone，wastoloseherhusbandtwiceover。
\"IhadheardallfromMary，andmademyunclefurnishalittlecottageforher，toenablehertosell——sosacredwaspoorDaniel’sadvice，nowhewasdeadandgonealittlefruit，toysandcakes。
Themindingoftheshopdidnotrequireherwholetime，noreventhekeepingherchildrenclean，andshelovedtoseethemclean;
soshetookinwashing，andaltogethermadeashifttoearnbreadforherchildren，stillweepingforDaniel，whenJacky’sarchlooksmadeherthinkofhisfather。——Itwaspleasanttoworkforherchildren。——’Yes;frommorningtillnight，couldshehavehadakissfromtheirfather，Godresthissoul！Yes;haditpleasedProvidencetohavelethimcomebackwithoutalegoranarm，itwouldhavebeenthesamethingtoher——forshedidnotlovehimbecausehemaintainedthem——no;shehadhandsofherown。’
\"Thecountrypeoplewerehonest，andPeggyleftherlinenouttodryverylate。Arecruitingparty，asshesupposed，passingthrough，madefreewithalargewash;foritwasallsweptaway，includingherownandherchildren’slittlestock。
\"Thiswasadreadfulblow;twodozenofshirts，stocksandhandkerchiefs。Shegavethemoneywhichshehadlaidbyforhalfayear’srent，andpromisedtopaytwoshillingsaweektillallwascleared;soshedidnotloseheremployment。Thistwoshillingsaweek，andthebuyingafewnecessariesforthechildren，drovehersohard，thatshehadnotapennytopayherrentwith，whenatwelvemonth’sbecamedue。
\"ShewasnowwithMary，andhadjusttoldhertale，whichMaryinstantlyrepeated——itwasintendedformyear。Manyhousesinthistown，producingaborough—interest，wereincludedintheestatepurchasedbyMr。Venables，andtheattorneywithwhommybrotherlived，wasappointedhisagent，tocollectandraisetherents。
\"HedemandedPeggy’s，and，inspiteofherintreaties，herpoorgoodshadbeenseizedandsold。Sothatshehadnot，andwhatwasworseherchildren，’forshehadknownsorrowenough，’abedtolieon。SheknewthatIwasgood—natured——rightcharitable，yetnotlikingtoaskformorethanneedsmust，shescornedtopetitionwhilepeoplecouldanyhowbemadetowait。Butnow，shouldshebeturnedoutofdoors，shemustexpectnothinglessthantoloseallhercustomers，andthenshemustbegorstarve——
andwhatwouldbecomeofherchildren？——’hadDanielnotbeenpressed——
butGodknowsbest——allthiscouldnothavehappened。’
\"Ihadtwomattrassesonmybed;whatdidIwantwithtwo，whensuchaworthycreaturemustlieontheground？Mymotherwouldbeangry，butIcouldconcealittillmyunclecamedown;
andthenIwouldtellhimallthewholetruth，andifheabsolvedme，heavenwould。
\"Ibeggedthehouse—maidtocomeupstairswithme（servantsalwaysfeelforthedistressesofpoverty，andsowouldtherichiftheyknewwhatitwas）。Sheassistedmetotieupthemattrass;
Idiscovering，atthesametime，thatoneblanketwouldservemetillwinter，couldIpersuademysister，whosleptwithme，tokeepmysecret。Sheenteringinthemidstofthepackage，Igavehersomenewfeathers，tosilenceher。Wegotthemattrassdownthebackstairs，unperceived，andIhelpedtocarryit，takingwithmeallthemoneyIhad，andwhatIcouldborrowfrommysister。
\"WhenIgottothecottage，PeggydeclaredthatshewouldnottakewhatIhadbroughtsecretly;but，when，withalltheeagereloquenceinspiredbyadecidedpurpose，Igraspedherhandwithweepingeyes，assuringherthatmyunclewouldscreenmefromblame，whenhewasoncemoreinthecountry，describing，atthesametime，whatshewouldsufferinpartingwithherchildren，afterkeepingthemsolongfrombeingthrownontheparish，shereluctantlyconsented。
\"Myprojectofusefulnessendednothere;Ideterminedtospeaktotheattorney;hefrequentlypaidmecompliments。Hischaracterdidnotintimidateme;but，imaginingthatPeggymustbemistaken，andthatnomancouldturnadeafeartosuchataleofcomplicateddistress，IdeterminedtowalktothetownwithMarythenextmorning，andrequesthimtowaitfortherent，andkeepmysecret，tillmyuncle’sreturn。
\"Myreposewassweet;and，wakingwiththefirstdawnofday，IboundedtoMary’scottage。Whatcharmsdonotalightheartspreadovernature！Everybirdthattwitteredinabush，everyflowerthatenlivenedthehedge，seemedplacedtheretoawakenmetorapture——yes;torapture。Thepresentmomentwasfullfraughtwithhappiness;andonfuturityIbestowednotathought，exceptingtoanticipatemysuccesswiththeattorney。
\"Thismanoftheworld，withrosyfaceandsimperingfeatures，receivedmepolitely，naykindly;listenedwithcomplacencytomyremonstrances，thoughhescarcelyheededMary’stears。Ididnotthensuspect，thatmyeloquencewasinmycomplexion，theblushofseventeen，orthat，inaworldwherehumanitytowomenisthecharacteristicofadvancingcivilization，thebeautyofayounggirlwassomuchmoreinterestingthanthedistressofanoldone。
Pressingmyhand，hepromisedtoletPeggyremaininthehouseaslongasIwished。——Imorethanreturnedthepressure——Iwassogratefulandsohappy。Emboldenedbymyinnocentwarmth，hethenkissedme——andIdidnotdrawback——Itookitforakissofcharity。
\"Gayasalark，IwenttodineatMr。Venables’。Ihadpreviouslyobtainedfiveshillingsfrommyfather，towardsre—clothingthepoorchildrenofmycare，andprevailedonmymothertotakeoneofthegirlsintothehouse，whomIdeterminedtoteachtoworkandread。
\"Afterdinner，whentheyoungerpartofthecircleretiredtothemusicroom，Irecountedwithenergymytale;thatis，ImentionedPeggy’sdistress，withouthintingatthestepsIhadtakentorelieveher。MissVenablesgavemehalf—a—crown;theheirfiveshillings;butGeorgesatunmoved。Iwascruellydistressedbythedisappointment——Iscarcelycouldremainonmychair;and，couldIhavegotoutoftheroomunperceived，Ishouldhaveflownhome，asiftorunawayfrommyself。Afterseveralvainattemptstorise，Ileanedmyheadagainstthemarblechimney—piece，andgazingontheevergreensthatfilledthefire—place，moralizedonthevanityofhumanexpectations;regardlessofthecompany。IwasrousedbyagentletaponmyshoulderfrombehindCharlotte’schair。
Iturnedmyhead，andGeorgeslidaguineaintomyhand，puttinghisfingertohismouth，toenjoinmesilence。
\"Whatarevolutiontookplace，notonlyinmytrainofthoughts，butfeelings！Itrembledwithemotion——now，indeed，Iwasinlove。
Suchdelicacytoo，toenhancehisbenevolence！Ifeltinmypocketeveryfiveminutes，onlytofeeltheguinea;anditsmagictouchinvestedmyherowithmorethanmortalbeauty。Myfancyhadfoundabasistoerectitsmodelofperfectionon;andquicklywenttowork，withallthehappycredulityofyouth，toconsiderthatheartasdevotedtovirtue，whichhadonlyobeyedavirtuousimpulse。
Thebitterexperiencewasyettocome，thathastaughtmehowverydistinctaretheprinciplesofvirtue，fromthecasualfeelingsfromwhichtheygerminate。
CHAPTER8
\"IHAVEperhapsdwelttoolongonacircumstance，whichisonlyofimportanceasitmarkstheprogressofadeceptionthathasbeensofataltomypeace;andintroducestoyournoticeapoorgirl，whom，intendingtoserve，Iledtoruin。StillitisprobablethatIwasnotentirelythevictimofmistake;andthatyourfather，graduallyfashionedbytheworld，didnotquicklybecomewhatI
hesitatetocallhim——outofrespecttomydaughter。
\"But，tohastentothemorebusyscenesofmylife。Mr。
Venablesandmymotherdiedthesamesummer;and，whollyengrossedbymyattentiontoher，Ithoughtoflittleelse。Theneglectofherdarling，mybrotherRobert，hadaviolenteffectonherweakenedmind;for，thoughboysmaybereckonedthepillarsofthehousewithoutdoors，girlsareoftentheonlycomfortwithin。Theybuttoofrequentlywastetheirhealthandspiritsattendingadyingparent，wholeavesthemincomparativepoverty。Afterclosing，withfilialpiety，afather’seyes，theyarechasedfromthepaternalroof，tomakeroomforthefirst—born，theson，whoistocarrytheemptyfamily—namedowntoposterity;though，occupiedwithhisownpleasures，hescarcelythoughtofdischarging，inthedeclineofhisparent’slife，thedebtcontractedinhischildhood。
Mymother’sconductledmetomakethesereflections。GreataswasthefatigueIendured，andtheaffectionmyunceasingsolicitudeevinced，ofwhichmymotherseemedperfectlysensible，still，whenmybrother，whomIcouldhardlypersuadetoremainaquarterofanhourinherchamber，waswithheralone，ashorttimebeforeherdeath，shegavehimalittlehoard，whichshehadbeensomeyearsaccumulating。
\"Duringmymother’sillness，Iwasobligedtomanagemyfather’stemper，who，fromthelingeringnatureofhermalady，begantoimaginethatitwasmerelyfancy。Atthisperiod，anartfulkindofupperservantattractedmyfather’sattention，andtheneighboursmademanyremarksonthefinery，nothonestlygot，exhibitedateveningservice。ButIwastoomuchoccupiedwithmymothertoobserveanychangeinherdressorbehaviour，ortolistentothewhisperofscandal。
\"Ishallnotdwellonthedeath—bedscene，livelyasistheremembrance，orontheemotionproducedbythelastgraspofmymother’scoldhand;whenblessingme，sheadded，’Alittlepatience，andallwillbeover！’Ah！mychild，howoftenhavethosewordsrungmournfullyinmyears——andIhaveexclaimed——’Alittlemorepatience，andItooshallbeatrest！’
\"Myfatherwasviolentlyaffectedbyherdeath，recollectedinstancesofhisunkindness，andweptlikeachild。
\"Mymotherhadsolemnlyrecommendedmysisterstomycare，andbidmebeamothertothem。They，indeed，becamemoredeartomeastheybecamemoreforlorn;for，duringmymother’sillness，Idiscoveredtheruinedstateofmyfather’scircumstances，andthathehadonlybeenabletokeepupappearances，bythesumswhichheborrowedofmyuncle。
\"Myfather’sgrief，andconsequenttendernesstohischildren，quicklyabated，thehousegrewstillmoregloomyorriotous;andmyrefugefromcarewasagainatMr。Venables’;theyoung’squirehavingtakenhisfather’splace，andallowing，forthepresent，hissistertopresideathistable。George，thoughdissatisfiedwithhisportionofthefortune，whichhadtilllatelybeenallintrade，visitedthefamilyasusual。Hewasnowfullofspeculationsintrade，andhisbrowbecamecloudedbycare。Heseemedtorelaxinhisattentiontome，whenthepresenceofmyunclegaveanewturntohisbehaviour。Iwastoounsuspecting，toodisinterested，totracethesechangestotheirsource。
Myhomeeverydaybecamemoreandmoredisagreeabletome;mylibertywasunnecessarilyabridged，andmybooks，onthepretextthattheymademeidle，takenfromme。Myfather’smistresswaswithchild，andhe，doatingonher，allowedoroverlookedhervulgarmanneroftyrannizingoverus。Iwasindignant，especiallywhenI
sawherendeavouringtoattract，shallIsayseduce？myyoungerbrother。Byallowingwomenbutonewayofrisingintheworld，thefosteringthelibertinismofmen，societymakesmonstersofthem，andthentheirignoblevicesarebroughtforwardasaproofofinferiorityofintellect。
Thewearisomenessofmysituationcanscarcelybedescribed。
Thoughmylifehadnotpassedinthemosteventenourwithmymother，itwasparadisetothatIwasdestinedtoendurewithmyfather’smistress，jealousofherillegitimateauthority。Myfather’sformeroccasionaltenderness，inspiteofhisviolenceoftemper，hadbeensoothingtome;butnowheonlymetmewithreproofsorportentousfrowns。Thehouse—keeper，asshewasnowtermed，wasthevulgardespotofthefamily;andassumingthenewcharacterofafinelady，shecouldneverforgivethecontemptwhichwassometimesvisibleinmycountenance，whensheutteredwithpomposityherbadEnglish，oraffectedtobewellbred。
TomyuncleIventuredtoopenmyheart;andhe，withhiswontedbenevolence，begantoconsiderinwhatmannerhecouldextricatemeoutofmypresentirksomesituation。Inspiteofhisowndisappointment，or，mostprobably，actuatedbythefeelingsthathadbeenpetrified，notcooled，inalltheirsanguinefervour，likeaboilingtorrentoflavasuddenlydashingintothesea，hethoughtamarriageofmutualinclination（wouldenviousstarspermitit）theonlychanceforhappinessinthisdisastrousworld。GeorgeVenableshadthereputationofbeingattentivetobusiness，andmyfather’sexamplegavegreatweighttothiscircumstance;forhabitsoforderinbusinesswould，heconceived，extendtotheregulationoftheaffectionsindomesticlife。Georgeseldomspokeinmyuncle’scompany，excepttoutterashort，judiciousquestion，ortomakeapertinentremark，withallduedeferencetohissuperiorjudgment;sothatmyuncleseldomlefthiscompanywithoutobserving，thattheyoungmanhadmoreinhimthanpeoplesupposed。
Inthisopinionhewasnotsingular;yet，believeme，andI
amnotswayedbyresentment，thesespeechessojustlypoized，thissilentdeference，whentheanimalspiritsofotheryoungpeoplewerethrowingoffyouthfulebullitions，werenottheeffectofthoughtorhumility，butsheerbarrennessofmind，andwantofimagination。Acoltofmettlewillcurvetandshewhispaces。