AthisreturnIaskedhowtheaffairended。\"Why，\"saidhe，\"Iwasafiercefellow，andpretendedtobeveryangry;andThomaswasagood—naturedfellow，andpretendedtobeverysorry;soTHEREthematterended。Ibelievethedoglovesmedearly。Mr。Thrale，\"turningtomyhusband，\"whatshallyouandIdothatisgoodforTomDavies？Wewilldosomethingforhim，tobesure。\"
OfPopeasawriterhehadthehighestopinion，andoncewhenaladyatourhousetalkedofhisprefacetoShakespeareassuperiortoPope’s，\"Ifearnot，madam，\"saidhe，\"thelittlefellowhasdonewonders。\"HissuperiorreverenceofDryden，notwithstanding，stillappearedinhistalkasinhiswritings;andwhensomeonementionedtheridiculethrownonhiminthe’Rehearsal，’ashavinghurthisgeneralcharacterasanauthor，\"Onthecontrary，\"saysMr。Johnson，\"thegreatnessofDryden’sreputationisnowtheonlyprincipleofvitalitywhichkeepstheDukeofBuckingham’splayfromputrefaction。\"
Itwasnotveryeasy，however，forpeoplenotquiteintimatewithDr。
Johnsontogetexactlyhisopinionofawriter’smerit，ashewouldnowandthendiverthimselfbyconfoundingthosewhothoughtthemselvesobligedtosayto—morrowwhathehadsaidyesterday;andevenGarrick，whooughttohavebeenbetteracquaintedwithhistricks，professedhimselfmortifiedthatonetimewhenhewasextollingDrydeninarapturethatIsupposedisgustedhisfriend，Mr。Johnsonsuddenlychallengedhimtoproducetwentylinesinaseriesthatwouldnotdisgracethepoetandhisadmirer。
GarrickproducedapassagethathehadonceheardtheDoctorcommend，inwhichheNOWfound，ifIrememberrightly，sixteenfaults，andmadeGarricklooksillyathisowntable。WhenItoldMr。Johnsonthestory，\"Why，whatamonkeywasDavidnow，\"sayshe，\"totellofhisowndisgrace！\"Andinthecourseofthathour’schathetoldmehowheusedtoteaseGarrickbycommendationsofthetomb—sceneinCongreve’s’MourningBride，’
protesting，thatShakespearehadinthesamelineofexcellencenothingasgood。\"AllwhichisstrictlyTRUE，\"saidhe;\"butthatisnoreasonforsupposingCongreveistostandincompetitionwithShakespeare：thesefellowsknownothowtoblame，norhowtocommend。\"Iforcedhimoneday，inasimilarhumour，topreferYoung’sdescriptionof\"Night\"tothesomuchadmiredonesofDrydenandShakespeare，asmoreforcibleandmoregeneral。Everyreaderisnoteitheraloveroratyrant，buteveryreaderisinterestedwhenhehearsthat\"Creationsleeps;’tisasthegeneralpulseOflifestoodstill，andnaturemadeapause;
Anawfulpause——propheticofitsend。\"
\"This，\"saidhe，\"istrue;butrememberthat，takingthecompositionsofYoungingeneral，theyarebutlikebrightstepping—stonesoveramiryroad。Youngfrothsandfoams，andbubblessometimesveryvigorously;butwemustnotcomparethenoisemadebyyourtea—kettleherewiththeroaringoftheocean。\"
SomebodywaspraisingCorneilleonedayinoppositiontoShakespeare。
\"CorneilleistoShakespeare，\"repliedMr。Johnson，\"asaclippedhedgeistoaforest。\"WhenwetalkedofSteele’sEssays，\"Theyaretoothin，\"saysourcritic，\"foranEnglishman’staste：meresuperficialobservationsonlifeandmanners，withouteruditionenoughtomakethemkeep，likethelightFrenchwines，whichturnsourwithstandingawhileforwantofBODY，aswecallit。\"
Ofamuch—admiredpoem，whenextolledasbeautiful，hereplied，\"Thatithadindeedthebeautyofabubble。Thecoloursaregay，\"saidhe，\"butthesubstanceslight。\"OfJamesHarris’sDedicationtohis\"Hermes，\"Ihaveheardhimobservethat，thoughbutfourteenlineslong，thereweresixgrammaticalfaultsinit。AfriendwaspraisingthestyleofDr。Swift;
Mr。Johnsondidnotfindhimselfinthehumourtoagreewithhim：thecriticwasdrivenfromoneofhisperformancestotheother。Atlength，\"YouMUSTallowme，\"saidthegentleman，\"thatthereareSTRONGFACTSintheaccountof’TheFourLastYearsofQueenAnne。’\"\"Yes，surely，sir，\"
repliesJohnson，\"andsothereareintheOrdinaryofNewgate’saccount。\"
ThiswaslikethestorywhichMr。Murphytells，andJohnsonalwaysacknowledged：howMr。RoseofHammersmith，contendingforthepreferenceofScotchwritersovertheEnglish，afterhavingsetuphisauthorslikeninepins，whiletheDoctorkeptbowlingthemdownagain;atlast，tomakesureofvictory，henamedFergusonupon\"CivilSociety，\"andpraisedthebookforbeingwritteninaNEWmanner。\"Idonot，\"saysJohnson，\"perceivethevalueofthisnewmanner;itisonlylikeBuckinger，whohadnohands，andsowrotewithhisfeet。\"OfamodernMartial，whenitcameout：\"Thereareintheseverses，\"saysDr。Johnson，\"toomuchfollyformadness，Ithink，andtoomuchmadnessforfolly。\"If，however，Mr。
Johnsonlamentedthatthenearerheapproachedtohisowntimes，themoreenemiesheshouldmake，bytellingbiographicaltruthsinhis\"LivesoftheLaterPoets，\"whatmayInotapprehend，who，ifIrelateanecdotesofMr。
Johnson，amobligedtorepeatexpressionsofseverity，andsentencesofcontempt？Letmeatleastsoftenthemalittlebysayingthathedidnothatethepersonshetreatedwithroughness，ordespisethemwhomhedrovefromhimbyapparentscorn。Hereallylovedandrespectedmanywhomhewouldnotsuffertolovehim。Andwhenherelatedtomeashortdialoguethatpassedbetweenhimselfandawriterofthefirsteminenceintheworld，whenhewasinScotland，Iwasshockedtothinkhowhemusthavedisgustedhim。\"Dr。————askedme，\"saidhe，\"whyIdidnotjoinintheirpublicworshipwhenamongthem？for，\"saidhe，\"IwenttoyourchurchesoftenwheninEngland。\"\"So，\"repliedJohnson，\"IhavereadthattheSiamesesentambassadorstoLouisQuatorze，butIneverheardthattheKingofFrancethoughtitworthhiswhiletosendambassadorsfromhiscourttothatofSIAM。\"Hewasnogentlerwithmyself，orthoseforwhomIhadthegreatestregard。WhenIonedaylamentedthelossofafirstcousinkilledinAmerica，\"Prithee，mydear，\"saidhe，\"havedonewithcanting。Howwouldtheworldbeworseforit，Imayask，ifallyourrelationswereatoncespittedlikelarks，androastedforPresto’ssupper？\"Prestowasthedogthatlayunderthetablewhilewetalked。WhenwewentintoWalestogether，andspentsometimeatSirRobertCotton’s，atLleweny，onedayatdinnerImeanttopleaseMr。Johnsonparticularlywithadishofveryyoungpeas。\"Arenottheycharming？\"saidItohim，whilehewaseatingthem。\"Perhaps，\"saidhe，\"theywouldbeso——toaPIG。\"
Ionlyinstancethesereplies，toexcusemymentioningthosehemadetoothers。
Whenawell—knownauthorpublishedhispoemsintheyear1777：\"Suchaone’sversesarecomeout，\"saidI。\"Yes，\"repliedJohnson，\"andthisfrosthasstrucktheminagain。HerearesomelinesIhavewrittentoridiculethem;butrememberthatIlovethefellowdearlynow，forallI
laughathim：——
\"’Wheresoe’erIturnmyview，Allisstrange，yetnothingnew;
Endlesslabourallalong，Endlesslabourtobewrong;
PhrasethatTimehasflungaway;
Uncouthwordsindisarray，Trickedinantiqueruffandbonnet，Ode，andelegy，andsonnet。’\"
Whenheparodiedtheversesofanothereminentwriter，itwasdonewithmoreprovocation，Ibelieve，andwithsomemerrymalice。Aserioustranslationofthesamelines，whichIthinkarefromEuripides，maybefoundinBurney’s\"HistoryofMusic。\"Herearetheburlesqueones：——
\"Errshalltheynot，whoresoluteexploreTime’sgloomybackwardwithjudiciouseyes;
Andscanningrightthepracticesofyore，Shalldeemourhoarprogenitorsunwise。
\"TheytothedomewheresmokewithcurlingplayAnnouncedthedinnertotheregionsround，Summonedthesingerblithe，andharpergay，Andaidedwinewithdulcetstreamingsound。
\"Thebetteruseofnotes，orsweetorshrill，Byquiveringstring，ormodulatedwind;
Trumpetorlyre——totheirharshbosomschill，Admissionne’erhadsought，orcouldnotfind。
\"Oh！sendthemtothesullenmansionsdun，HerbalefuleyeswhereSorrowrollsaround;
Wheregloom—enamouredMischieflovestodwell，AndMurder，allblood—boltered，schemesthewound。
\"Whencatesluxuriantpilethespaciousdish，Andpurplenectargladsthefestivehour;
Theguest，withoutawant，withoutawish，CanyieldnoroomtoMusic’ssoothingpower。\"
SomeoftheoldlegendarystoriesputinversebymodernwritersprovokedhimtocaricaturethemthusonedayatStreatham;buttheyarealreadywellknown，Iamsure。
\"Thetenderinfant，meekandmild，Felldownuponthestone;
Thenursetookupthesquealingchild，Butstillthechildsquealedon。\"
Afamousballadalso，beginning’Rioverde，Rioverde，’whenIcommendedthetranslationofit，hesaidhecoulddoitbetterhimself——asthus：
\"Glassywater，glassywater，Downwhosecurrentclearandstrong，Chiefsconfusedinmutualslaughter，MoorandChristianrollalong。\"
\"But，sir，\"saidI，\"thisisnotridiculousatall。\"\"Why，no，\"repliedhe，\"whyshouldIalwayswriteridiculously？PerhapsbecauseImadetheseversestoimitatesuchaone，\"naminghim：
\"’Hermithoar，insolemncellWearingoutlife’seveninggrey;
Strikethybosom，sage！andtellWhatisbliss，andwhichtheway？’
\"ThusIspoke，andspeakingsighed，Scarcerepressedthestartingtear，Whenthehoarysagereplied，’Come，mylad，anddrinksomebeer。’\"
Icouldgiveanothercomicalinstanceofcaricaturaimitation。
Recollectingsomeday，whenpraisingtheseversesofLopezdeVega——
\"Seacquienlosleonesvence，Venceunamugerhermosa，Oeldeflacoaverguence，Oelladisermasfuriosa，\"
morethanhethoughttheydeserved，Mr。Johnsoninstantlyobserved\"thattheywerefoundedonatrivialconceit，andthatconceitill—explainedandill—expressedbesides。Thelady，weallknow，doesnotconquerinthesamemannerastheliondoes。’Tisamereplayofwords，\"addedhe，\"andyoumightaswellsaythat\"’Ifthemanwhoturnipscries，Crynotwhenhisfatherdies，’TisaproofthathehadratherHaveaturnipthanhisfather。’\"
Andthishumourisofthesamesortwithwhichheansweredthefriendwhocommendedthefollowingline：——
\"Whoruleso’erfreemenshouldhimselfbefree。\"
\"Tobesure，\"saidDr。Johnson——
\"’Whodrivesfatoxenshouldhimselfbefat。’\"
Thisreadinessoffindingaparallel，ormakingone，wasshownbyhimperpetuallyinthecourseofconversation。WhentheFrenchversesofacertainpantomimewerequotedthus：
\"JesuisCassandredescenduedescieux，Pourvousfaireentendre，mesdamesetmessieurs，QuejesuisCassandredescenduedescieux，\"
hecriedoutgailyandsuddenly，almostinamoment——
\"IamCassandracomedownfromthesky，Totelleachbystanderwhatnonecandeny，ThatIamCassandracomedownfromthesky。\"
TheprettyItalianverses，too，attheendofBaretti’sbookcalled\"EasyPhraseology，\"hedidall’improviso，inthesamemanner：
\"Viva！vivalapadrona！
Tuttabella，etuttabuona，LapadronaeunangiolellaTuttabuonaetuttabella;
Tuttabellaetuttabuona;
Viva！vivalapadrona！\"
\"LongmaylivemylovelyHetty！
Alwaysyoungandalwayspretty，Alwayspretty，alwaysyoung，LivemylovelyHettylong！
Alwaysyoungandalwayspretty！
LongmaylivemylovelyHetty！\"
Thefamousdistich，too，ofanItalianimprovisatore，whentheDukeofModenaranawayfromthecometintheyear1742or1743：
\"Sealvenirvestroiprincipisen’vanno，Dehvengaognidi————durateunanno;\"
\"which，\"saidhe，\"woulddojustaswellinourlanguagethus：
\"’Ifatyourcomingprincesdisappear，Comets！comeeveryday——andstayayear。’\"
WhensomeoneincompanycommendedtheversesofM。deBenseradeasonLit：
\"Theatredesrisetdespleurs，Lit！onjenais，etoujemeurs，TunousfaisvoircommentvoisinsSontnosplaisirsetnoschagrins。\"
Towhichherepliedwithouthesitating——
\"’Inbedwelaugh，inbedwecry，Andborninbed，inbedwedie;
ThenearapproachabedmayshowOfhumanblisstohumanwoe。’\"
TheinscriptiononthecollarofSirJosephBanks’sgoat，whichhadbeenontwoofhisadventurousexpeditionswithhim，andwasthen，bythehumanityofheramiablemaster，turnedouttograzeinKentasarecompenseforherutilityandfaithfulservice，wasgivenmebyJohnsonintheyear1777，I
think，andIhaveneveryetseenitprinted：
\"Perpetui，ambita，bisterra，premialactis，HaechabetaltriciCaprasecundaJovis。\"
TheepigramwrittenatLordAnson’shousemanyyearsago，\"where，\"saysMr。
Johnson，\"Iwaswellreceivedandkindlytreated，andwiththetruegratitudeofawitridiculedthemasterofthehousebeforeIhadleftitanhour，\"hasbeenfalselyprintedinmanypaperssincehisdeath。IwroteitdownfromhisownlipsoneeveninginAugust，1772，notneglectingthelittleprefaceaccusinghimselfofmakingsogracelessareturnforthecivilitiesshownhim。Hehad，amongothereleganciesabouttheparkandgardens，beenmadetoobserveatempletothewinds，whenthisthoughtnaturallypresenteditselfTOAWIT：
\"Gratumanimumlaudo;Quidebuitomniaventis，Quambeneventorum，surgeretemplajubet！\"
AtranslationofDryden’sepigram，too，IusedtofancyIhadtomyself：
\"Quoslaudetvates，Graius，Romanus，etAnglus，Trestriatemporibussecladederesuis：
Sublimeingenium，Graius，——RomanushabebatCarmengrandesonans，Anglusutrumquetulit。
Nilmajusnaturacapit：clarareprioresQuaepotuereduos，tertiusunushabet：\"
fromthefamouslineswrittenunderMilton’spicture：
\"Threepoetsinthreedistantagesborn，Greece，Italy，andEnglanddidadorn;
Thefirstinloftinessofthoughtsurpassed，Thenextinmajesty;inboththelast。
TheforceofNaturecouldnofurthergo，Tomakeathirdshejoinedtheformertwo。\"
Oneeveningintheoratorioseasonoftheyear1771Mr。JohnsonwentwithmetoCoventGardenTheatre，andthoughhewasforthemostpartanexceedinglybadplayhousecompanion，ashispersondrewpeople’seyesuponthebox，andtheloudnessofhisvoicemadeitdifficultformetohearanybodybuthimself，hesatsurprisinglyquiet，andIflatteredmyselfthathewaslisteningtothemusic。Whenweweregothome，however，herepeatedtheseverses，whichhesaidhehadmadeattheoratorio，andhebademetranslatethem：
INTHEATRO。
\"TertiiversoquaterorbelustriQuidtheatralestibicrispepompae！
QuamdecetcanosmaleliteratosSeravoluptas！
\"Tenemulcerifidibuscanoris？
Tenecantorummodulisstupere？
TeneperpictasoculoeleganteCurrereformas？
\"Interequalessinefelleliber，CodicesveristudiosusinterRectiusvives，suaquisquecarpatGaudiagratus。
\"LusibusgaudetpuerotiosisLuxusoblectatjuvenemtheatri，AtsenifluxosapienterutiTemporerestat。\"
Igavehimthefollowinglinesinimitation，whichhelikedwellenough，I
think：
\"Whenthreescoreyearshavechilledtheequite，Stillcantheatricscenesdelight？
Illsuitsthisplacewithlearnedwight，MayBatesorCoulsoncry。
\"Thescholar’spridecanBrentdisarm？
HisheartcansoftGuadagniwarm？
OrsceneswithsweetdelusioncharmTheclimactericeye？
\"Thesocialclub，thelonelytower，Farbettersuitthymidnighthour;
LeteachaccordingtohispowerInworthorwisdomshine！
\"Andwhileplaypleasesidleboys，Andwantonmirthfondyouthemploys，Tofixthesoul，andfreefromtoys，Thatusefultaskbethine。\"
ThecopyofversesinLatinhexameters，aswellasIremember，whichhewrotetoDr。Lawrence，Iforgottokeepacopyof;andheobligedmetoresignhistranslationofthesongbeginning，\"Busy，curious，thirstyfly，\"
forhimtogiveMr。Langton，withapromiseNOTtoretainacopy。I
concludedheknewwhy，soneverinquiredthereason。HehadthegreatestpossiblevalueforMr。Langton，ofLangtonHall，Lincoln，ofwhosevirtueandlearninghedelightedtotalkinveryexaltedterms;andpoorDr。
Lawrencehadlongbeenhisfriendandconfident。TheconversationIsawthemholdtogetherinEssexStreetoneday，intheyear1781or1782，wasamelancholyone，andmadeasingularimpressiononmymind。Hewashimselfexceedinglyill，andIaccompaniedhimthitherforadvice。Thephysicianwas，however，insomerespectsmoretobepitiedthanthepatient。Johnsonwaspantingunderanasthmaanddropsy，butLawrencehadbeenbroughthomethatverymorningstruckwiththepalsy，fromwhichhehad，twohoursbeforewecame，strovetoawakenhimselfbyblisters。Theywerebothdeaf，andscarceabletospeakbesides：onefromdifficultyofbreathing，theotherfromparalyticdebility。Togiveandreceivemedicalcounsel，therefore，theyfairlysatdownoneachsideatableinthedoctor’sgloomyapartment，adornedwithskeletons，preservedmonsters，etc。，andagreedtowriteLatinbilletstoeachother。SuchascenedidIneversee。\"You，\"
saidJohnson，\"aretimideandgelide，\"findingthathisfriendhadprescribedpalliative，notdrastic，remedies。\"ItisnotME，\"repliespoorLawrence，inaninterruptedvoice，\"’tisnaturethatisgelideandtimide。\"
Infact，helivedbutfewmonthsafter，Ibelieve，andretainedhisfacultiesstillashortertime。Hewasamanofstrictpietyandprofoundlearning，butlittleskilledintheknowledgeoflifeormanners，anddiedwithouthavingeverenjoyedthereputationhesojustlydeserved。
Mr。Johnson’shealthhadbeenalwaysextremelybadsinceIfirstknewhim，andhisover—anxiouscaretoretainwithoutblemishtheperfectsanityofhismindcontributedmuchtodisturbit。Hehadstudiedmedicinediligentlyinallitsbranches，buthadgivenparticularattentiontothediseasesoftheimagination，whichhewatchedinhimselfwithasolicitudedestructiveofhisownpeace，andintolerabletothosehetrusted。Dr。
Lawrencetoldhimonedaythatifhewouldcomeandbeathimonceaweekhewouldbearit，buttohearhiscomplaintswasmorethanMANcouldsupport。
’Twasthereforethathetried，Isuppose，andineighteenyearscontrivedtowearythepatienceofaWOMAN。WhenMr。Johnsonfelthisfancy，orfanciedhefeltit，disordered，hisconstantrecurrencewastothestudyofarithmetic，andonedaythathewastotallyconfinedtohischamber，andI
inquiredwhathehadbeendoingtodiverthimself，heshowedmeacalculationwhichIcouldscarcebemadetounderstand，sovastwastheplanofit，andsoveryintricatewerethefigures：noother，indeed，thanthatthenationaldebt，computingitatonehundredandeightymillionssterling，would，ifconvertedintosilver，servetomakeameridianofthatmetal，Iforgothowbroad，fortheglobeofthewholeearth，therealGLOBE。OnasimilaroccasionIaskedhim，knowingwhatsubjecthewouldlikebesttotalkupon，howhisopinionstoodtowardsthequestionbetweenPaschalandSoameJenningsaboutnumberandnumeration？astheFrenchphilosopherobservesthatinfinity，thoughonallsidesastonishing，appearsmostsowhentheideaisconnectedwiththeideaofnumber;forthenotionofinfinitenumber——andinfinitenumberweknowthereis——stretchesone’scapacitystillmorethantheideaofinfinitespace。\"Suchanotion，indeed，\"addshe，\"canscarcelyfindroominthehumanmind。\"OurEnglishauthor，ontheotherhand，exclaims，letnomangivehimselfleavetotalkaboutinfinitenumber，forinfinitenumberisacontradictioninterms;
whateverisoncenumbered，weallsee，cannotbeinfinite。\"Ithink，\"saidMr。Johnson，afterapause，\"wemustsettlethematterthus：numerationiscertainlyinfinite，foreternitymightbeemployedinaddingunittounit;
buteverynumberisinitselffinite，asthepossibilityofdoublingiteasilyproves;besides，stopatwhatpointyouwill，youfindyourselfasfarfrominfinitudeasever。\"ThesepassagesIwrotedownassoonasIhadheardthem，andrepentthatIdidnottakethesamemethodwithadissertationhemadeoneotherdaythathewasveryill，concerningthepeculiarpropertiesofthenumbersixteen，whichIafterwardstried，butinvain，tomakehimrepeat。
Asethicsorfigures，ormetaphysicalreasoning，wasthesortoftalkhemostdelightedin，sonokindofconversationpleasedhimless，Ithink，thanwhenthesubjectwashistoricalfactorgeneralpolity。\"WhatshallwelearnfromTHATstuff？\"saidhe。\"Letusnotfancy，likeSwift，thatweareexaltingawoman’scharacterbytellinghowshe\"’Couldnametheancientheroesround，Explainforwhattheywererenowned，’etc。\"
Imustnot，however，leadmyreaderstosupposethathemeanttoreservesuchtalkformen’scompanyasaproofofpre—eminence。\"Henever，\"asheexpressedit，\"desiredtohearofthePunicWarwhilehelived;suchconversationwaslosttime，\"hesaid，\"andcarriedoneawayfromcommonlife，leavingnoideasbehindwhichcouldserveLIVINGWIGHTaswarningordirection。\"
\"HowIshouldactisnotthecase，ButhowwouldBrutusinmyplace。\"
\"Andnow，\"criesMr。Johnson，laughingwithobstreperousviolence，\"ifthesetwofoolishlinescanbeequalledinfolly，exceptbythetwosucceedingones——showthemme。\"
IaskedhimonceconcerningtheconversationpowersofagentlemanwithwhomIwasmyselfunacquainted。\"Hetalkedtomeatcluboneday，\"repliesourDoctor，\"concerningCatiline’sconspiracy，soIwithdrewmyattention，andthoughtaboutTomThumb。\"
Modernpoliticsfarednobetter。Iwasonetimeextollingthecharacterofastatesman，andexpatiatingontheskillrequiredtodirectthedifferentcurrents，reconcilethejarringinterests，etc。\"Thus，\"replieshe，\"amillisacomplicatedpieceofmechanismenough，butthewaterisnopartoftheworkmanship。\"Onanotheroccasion，whensomeonelamentedtheweaknessofathenpresentminister，andcomplainedthathewasdullandtardy，andknewlittleofaffairs：\"Youmayaswellcomplain，sir，\"saysJohnson，\"thattheaccountsoftimearekeptbytheclock;forhecertainlydoesstandstilluponthestair—head——andweallknowthatheisnogreatchronologer。\"Intheyear1777，orthereabouts，whenallthetalkwasofaninvasion，hesaidmostpatheticallyoneafternoon，\"Alas！alas！howthisunmeaningstuffspoilsallmycomfortinmyfriends’conversation！Willthepeoplehavedonewithit;andshallIneverhearasentenceagainwithouttheFRENCHinit？Hereisnoinvasioncoming，andyouKNOWthereisnone。Letthevexatiousandfrivoloustalkalone，orsufferitatleasttoteachyouONEtruth;andlearnbythisperpetualechoofevenunapprehendeddistresshowhistoriansmagnifyeventsexpectedorcalamitiesendured;whenyouknowtheyareatthisverymomentcollectingallthebigwordstheycanfind，inwhichtodescribeaconsternationneverfelt，foramisfortunewhichneverhappened。Amongallyourlamentations，whoeatstheless——whosleepstheworse，foronegeneral’sill—success，oranother’scapitulation？OH，PRAYletushearnomoreofit！\"Noman，however，wasmorezealouslyattachedtohisparty;henotonlylovedaToryhimself，buthelovedamanthebetterifheheardhehatedaWhig。\"DearBathurst，\"
saidhetomeoneday，\"wasamantomyveryheart’scontent：hehatedafool，andhehatedarogue，andhehatedaWHIG;hewasaverygoodHATER。\"
Someonementionedagentlemanofthatpartyforhavingbehavedoddlyonanoccasionwherefactionwasnotconcerned：\"IshenotacitizenofLondon，anativeofNorthAmerica，andaWhig？\"saysJohnson。\"Lethimbeabsurd，Ibegyouofyou;whenamonkeyisTOOlikeaman，itshocksone。\"
Severitytowardsthepoorwas，inDr。Johnson’sopinion（asisvisibleinhis\"LifeofAddison\"particularly），anundoubtedandconstantattendantorconsequenceuponWhiggism;andhewasnotcontentedwithgivingthemrelief，hewishedtoaddalsoindulgence。HelovedthepoorasIneveryetsawanyoneelsedo，withanearnestdesiretomakethemhappy。\"Whatsignifies，\"sayssomeone，\"givinghalfpencetocommonbeggars？theyonlylayitoutinginortobacco。\"\"Andwhyshouldtheybedeniedsuchsweetenersoftheirexistence？\"saysJohnson;\"itissurelyverysavagetorefusethemeverypossibleavenuetopleasure，reckonedtoocoarseforourownacceptance。Lifeisapillwhichnoneofuscanbeartoswallowwithoutgilding;yetforthepoorwedelightinstrippingitstillbarer，andarenotashamedtoshowevenvisibledispleasureifeverthebittertasteistakenfromtheirmouths。\"Inconsequenceoftheseprincipleshenursedwholenestsofpeopleinhishouse，wherethelame，theblind，thesick，andthesorrowfulfoundasureretreatfromalltheevilswhencehislittleincomecouldsecurethem：andcommonlyspendingthemiddleoftheweekatourhouse，hekepthisnumerousfamilyinFleetStreetuponasettledallowance;butreturnedtothemeverySaturday，togivethemthreegooddinners，andhiscompany，beforehecamebacktousontheMondaynight——treatingthemwiththesame，orperhapsmoreceremoniouscivilitythanhewouldhavedonebyasmanypeopleoffashion——makingtheHolyScripturesthustheruleofhisconduct，andonlyexpectingsalvationashewasabletoobeyitsprecepts。
WhileDr。Johnsonpossessed，however，thestrongestcompassionforpovertyorillness，hedidnotevenpretendtofeelforthosewholamentedthelossofachild，aparent，orafriend。\"Thesearethedistressesofsentiment，\"hewouldreply，\"whichamanwhoisreallytobepitiedhasnoleisuretofeel。Thesightofpeoplewhowantfoodandraimentissocommoningreatcities，thatasurlyfellowlikemehasnocompassiontospareforwoundsgivenonlytovanityorsoftness。\"Noman，therefore，whosmartedfromtheingratitudeofhisfriends，foundanysympathyfromourphilosopher。\"Lethimdogoodonhighermotivesnexttime，\"wouldbetheanswer;\"hewillthenbesureofhisreward。\"Itiseasytoobservethatthejusticeofsuchsentencesmadethemoffensive;butwemustbecarefulhowwecondemnamanforsayingwhatweknowtobetrue，onlybecauseitIS
so。Ihopethatthereasonourheartsrebelledalittleagainsthisseveritywaschieflybecauseitcamefromalivingmouth。Bookswereinventedtotakeofftheodiumofimmediatesuperiority，andsoftentherigourofdutiesprescribedbytheteachersandcensorsofhumankind——
settingatleastthosewhoareacknowledgedwiserthanourselvesatadistance。Whenwerecollect，however，thatforthisveryreasonTHEYareseldomconsultedandlittleobeyed，howmuchcauseshallhiscontemporarieshavetorejoicethattheirlivingJohnsonforcedthemtofeelthereproofsduetoviceandfolly，whileSenecaandTillotsonwerenolongerabletomakeimpression——exceptonourshelves！Fewthings，indeed，whichpasswellenoughwithotherswoulddowithhim：hehadbeenagreatreaderofMandeville，andwaseveronthewatchtospyoutthosestainsoforiginalcorruptionsoeasilydiscoveredbyapenetratingobservereveninthepurestminds。Imentionedanevent，whichifithadhappenedwouldgreatlyhaveinjuredMr。Thraleandhisfamily——\"andthen，dearsir，\"saidI，\"howsorryyouwouldhavebeen！\"\"IHOPE，\"repliedhe，afteralongpause，\"I
shouldhavebeenVERYsorry;butrememberRochefoucault’smaxim。\"
\"Iwouldrather，\"answeredI，\"rememberPrior’sverses，andask——
’Whatneedofbooksthesetruthstotell，Whichfolksperceivethatcannotspell？
Andmustwespectaclesapply，Toseewhathurtsournakedeye？’
WillANYBODY’Smindbearthiseternalmicroscopethatyouplaceuponyourownso？\"\"Inever，\"repliedhe，\"sawonethatWOULD，exceptthatofmydearMissReynolds——andhersisveryneartopurityitself。\"Ofslighterevils，andfriendsmoredistantthanourownhousehold，hespokelesscautiously。Anacquaintancelostthealmostcertainhopeofagoodestatethathadbeenlongexpected。\"Suchaonewillgrieve，\"saidI，\"atherfriend’sdisappointment。\"\"Shewillsufferasmuch，perhaps，\"saidhe，\"asyourhorsedidwhenyourcowmiscarried。\"IprofessedmyselfsincerelygrievedwhenaccumulateddistressescrushedSirGeorgeColebrook’sfamily;
andIwasso。\"Yourownprosperity，\"saidhe，\"maypossiblyhavesofarincreasedthenaturaltendernessofyourheart，thatforaughtIknowyouMAYbeaLITTLESORRY;butitissufficientforaplainmanifhedoesnotlaughwhenheseesafinenewhousetumbledownallonasudden，andasnugcottagestandbyreadytoreceivetheowner，whosebirthentitledhimtonothingbetter，andwhoselimbsarelefthimtogotoworkagainwith。\"
Itriedtotellhiminjestthathismoralitywaseasilycontented，andwhenIhavesaidsomethingasifthewickednessoftheworldgavemeconcern，hewouldcryoutaloudagainstcanting，andprotestthathethoughttherewasverylittlegrosswickednessintheworld，andstilllessofextraordinaryvirtue。Nothing，indeed，moresurelydisgustedDr。
Johnsonthanhyperbole;helovednottobetoldofsalliesofexcellence，whichhesaidwereseldomvaluable，andseldomtrue。\"Heroicvirtues，\"
saidhe，\"arethebonsmotsoflife;theydonotappearoften，andwhentheydoappeararetoomuchprized，Ithink，likethealoe—tree，whichshootsandflowersonceinahundredyears。Butlifeismadeupoflittlethings;andthatcharacteristhebestwhichdoeslittlebutrepeatedactsofbeneficence;asthatconversationisthebestwhichconsistsinelegantandpleasingthoughtsexpressedinnaturalandpleasingterms。Withregardtomyownnotionsofmoralvirtue，\"continuedhe，\"IhopeIhavenotlostmysensibilityofwrong;butIhope，likewise，thatIhavelivedlongenoughintheworldtopreventmefromexpectingtofindanyactionofwhichboththeoriginalmotiveandallthepartsweregood。\"
ThepietyofDr。Johnsonwasexemplaryandedifying;hewaspunctiliouslyexacttoperformeverypublicdutyenjoinedbytheChurch，andhisspiritofdevotionhadanenergythataffectedallwhoeversawhimprayinprivate。ThecoldestandmostlanguidheareroftheWordmusthavefeltthemselvesanimatedbyhismannerofreadingtheHolyScriptures;andtopraybyhissick—bedrequiredstrengthofbodyaswellasofmind，sovehementwerehismanners，andhistonesofvoicesopathetic。IhavemanytimesmadeitmyrequesttoHeaventhatImightbesparedthesightofhisdeath;andIwassparedit。
Mr。Johnson，thoughingeneralagrossfeeder，keptfastinLent，particularlytheHolyWeek，witharigourverydangeroustohisgeneralhealth;butthoughhehadleftoffwine（forreligiousmotives，asIalwaysbelieved，thoughhedidnotownit），yethedidnotholdthecommutationofoffencesbyvoluntarypenance，orencourageotherstopractiseseverityuponthemselves。Heevenoncesaid\"thathethoughtitanerrortoendeavouratpleasingGodbytakingtherodofreproofoutofHishands。\"
Andwhenwetalkedofconvents，andthehardshipssufferedinthem：
\"Rememberalways，\"saidhe，\"thataconventisanidleplace，andwherethereisnothingtobeDONEsomethingmustbeENDURED：mustardhasabadtasteperse，youmayobserve，butveryinsipidfoodcannotbeeatenwithoutit。\"
Hisrespect，however，forplacesofreligiousretirementwascarriedtothegreatestdegreeofearthlyveneration;theBenedictineconventatParispaidhimallpossiblehonoursinreturn，andthePriorandhepartedwithtearsoftenderness。TwoofthatcollegebeingsenttoEnglandonthemissionsomeyearsafter，spentmuchoftheirtimewithhimatBoltCourt，Iknow，andhewaseverearnesttoretaintheirfriendship;butthoughbelovedbyallhisRomanCatholicacquaintance，particularlyDr。Nugent，forwhoseesteemhehadasingularvalue，yetwasMr。JohnsonamostunshakenChurchofEnglandman;andIthink，oratleastIonceDIDthink，thataletterwrittenbyhimtoMr。Barnard，theKing’sLibrarian，whenhewasinItalycollectingbooks，containedsomeveryparticularadvicetohisfriendtobeonhisguardagainsttheseductionsoftheChurchofRome。
ThesettledaversionDr。Johnsonfelttowardsaninfidelheexpressedtoallranks，andatalltimes，withoutthesmallestreserve;forthoughoncommonoccasionshepaidgreatdeferencetobirthortitle，yethisregardfortruthandvirtuenevergavewaytomeanerconsiderations。Wetalkedofadeadwitoneevening，andsomebodypraisedhim。\"Letusneverpraisetalentssoillemployed，sir;wefoulourmouthsbycommendingsuchinfidels，\"saidhe。\"Allowhimthelumieresatleast，\"entreatedoneofthecompany。\"Idoallowhim，sir，\"repliedJohnson，\"justenoughtolighthimtohell。\"OfaJamaicagentleman，thenlatelydead：\"Hewillnot，whitherheisnowgone，\"saidJohnson，\"findmuchdifference，Ibelieve，eitherintheclimateorthecompany。\"TheAbbeReynalprobablyremembersthat，beingatthehouseofacommonfriendinLondon，themasterofitapproachedJohnsonwiththatgentlemansomuchcelebratedinhishand，andthisspeechinhismouth：\"Willyoupermitme，sir，topresenttoyoutheAbbeReynal？\"\"NO，SIR，\"repliedtheDoctorveryloud，andsuddenlyturnedawayfromthemboth。
ThoughMr。Johnsonhadbutlittlereverenceeitherfortalentsorfortunewhenhefoundthemunsupportedbyvirtue，yetitwassufficienttotellhimamanwasverypious，orverycharitable，andhewouldatleastBEGINwithhimongoodterms，howevertheconversationmightend。Hewouldsometimes，too，good—naturedlyenterintoalongchatfortheinstructionorentertainmentofpeoplehedespised。Iperfectlyrecollecthiscondescendingtodelightmydaughter’sdancing—masterwithalongargumentaboutHISart，whichthemanprotested，atthecloseofthediscourse，theDoctorknewmoreofthanhimself，whoremainedastonished，enlightened，andamusedbythetalkofapersonlittlelikelytomakeagooddisquisitionupondancing。Ihavesometimes，indeed，beenratherpleasedthanvexedwhenMr。Johnsonhasgivenaroughanswertoamanwhoperhapsdeservedoneonlyhalfasrough，becauseIknewhewouldrepentofhishastyreproof，andmakeusallamendsbysomeconversationatonceinstructiveandentertaining，asinthefollowingcases。Ayoungfellowaskedhimabruptlyoneday，\"Pray，sir，whatandwhereisPalmyra？IheardsomebodytalklastnightoftheruinsofPalmyra。\"\"’TisahillinIreland，\"repliesJohnson，\"withpalmsgrowingonthetop，andabogatthebottom，andsotheycallitPALM—MIRA。\"Seeing，however，thattheladthoughthimserious，andthankedhimfortheinformation，heundeceivedhimverygentlyindeed：
toldhimthehistory，geography，andchronologyofTadmorinthewilderness，witheveryincidentthatliteraturecouldfurnish，Ithink，oreloquenceexpress，fromthebuildingofSolomon’spalacetothevoyageofDawkinsandWood。
Onanotheroccasion，whenhewasmusingoverthefireinourdrawing—roomatStreatham，ayounggentlemancalledtohimsuddenly，andIsupposehethoughtdisrespectfully，inthesewords：\"Mr。Johnson，wouldyouadvisemetomarry？\"\"Iwouldadvisenomantomarry，sir，\"returnsforanswerinaveryangrytoneDr。Johnson，\"whoisnotlikelytopropagateunderstanding，\"andsolefttheroom。Ourcompanionlookedconfounded，andIbelievehadscarcerecoveredtheconsciousnessofhisownexistence，whenJohnsoncameback，anddrawinghischairamongus，withalteredlooksandasoftenedvoice，joinedinthegeneralchat，insensiblyledtheconversationtothesubjectofmarriage，wherehelaidhimselfoutinadissertationsouseful，soelegant，sofoundedonthetrueknowledgeofhumanlife，andsoadornedwithbeautyofsentiment，thatnooneeverrecollectedtheoffence，excepttorejoiceinitsconsequences。Herepentedjustascertainly，however，ifhehadbeenledtopraiseanypersonorthingbyaccidentmorethanhethoughtitdeserved;andwasonsuchoccasionscomicallyearnesttodestroythepraiseorpleasurehehadunintentionallygiven。
SirJoshuaReynoldsmentionedsomepictureasexcellent。\"Ithasoftengrievedme，sir，\"saidMr。Johnson，\"toseesomuchmindasthescienceofpaintingrequireslaidoutuponsuchperishablematerials。Whydonotyouoftenermakeuseofcopper？Icouldwishyoursuperiorityintheartyouprofesstobepreservedinstuffmoredurablethancanvas。\"SirJoshuaurgedthedifficultyofprocuringaplatelargeenoughforhistoricalsubjects，andwasgoingtoraisefurtherobservations。\"Whatfoppishobstaclesarethese！\"exclaimsonasuddenDr。Johnson。\"HereisThralehasathousandtunofcopper;youmaypaintitallroundifyouwill，I
suppose;itwillservehimtobrewinafterwards。Willitnot，sir？\"（tomyhusband，whosatby）。Indeed，Dr。Johnson’sutterscornofpaintingwassuchthatIhaveheardhimsaythatheshouldsitveryquietlyinaroomhungroundwiththeworksofthegreatestmasters，andneverfeeltheslightestdispositiontoturnthemiftheirbackswereoutermost，unlessitmightbeforthesakeoftellingSirJoshuathatheHADturnedthem。Suchspeechesmayappearoffensivetomany，butthosewhoknewhewastooblindtodiscerntheperfectionsofanartwhichappliesitselfimmediatelytooureyesightmustacknowledgehewasnotinthewrong。
Hedelightednomoreinmusicthaninpainting;hewasalmostasdeafashewasblind;travellingwithDr。Johnsonwasforthesereasonstiresomeenough。Mr。Thralelovedprospects，andwasmortifiedthathisfriendcouldnotenjoythesightofthosedifferentdispositionsofwoodandwater，hillandvalley，thattravellingthroughEnglandandFranceaffordsaman。Butwhenhewishedtopointthemouttohiscompanion：\"Neverheedsuchnonsense，\"wouldbethereply;\"abladeofgrassisalwaysabladeofgrass，whetherinonecountryoranother。Letus，ifweDOtalk，talkaboutsomething;menandwomenaremysubjectsofinquiry;letusseehowthesedifferfromthosewehaveleftbehind。\"
WhenwewereatRouentogether，hetookagreatfancytotheAbbeRoffette，withwhomheconversedaboutthedestructionoftheorderofJesuits，andcondemneditloudlyasablowtothegeneralpoweroftheChurch，andlikelytobefollowedwithmanyanddangerousinnovations，whichmightatlengthbecomefataltoreligionitself，andshakeeventhefoundationofChristianity。Thegentlemanseemedtowonderanddelightinhisconversation。ThetalkwasallinLatin，whichbothspokefluently，andMr。JohnsonpronouncedalongeulogiumuponMiltonwithsomuchardour，eloquence，andingenuity，thattheAbberosefromhisseatandembracedhim。Myhusband，seeingthemapparentlysocharmedwiththecompanyofeachother，politelyinvitedtheAbbetoEngland，intendingtoobligehisfriend，who，insteadofthanking，reprimandedhimseverelybeforethemanforsuchasuddenburstoftendernesstowardsapersonhecouldknownothingatallof，andthusputasuddenfinishtoallhisownandMr。
Thrale’sentertainmentfromthecompanyoftheAbbeRoffette。
WhenatVersaillesthepeopleshowedusthetheatre。Aswestoodonthestagelookingatsomemachineryforplayhousepurposes：\"Nowwearehere，whatshallweact，Mr。Johnson——TheEnglishmanatParis？\"\"No，no，\"
repliedhe，\"wewilltrytoactHarrytheFifth。\"HisdisliketotheFrenchwaswellknowntobothnations，Ibelieve;butheapplaudedthenumberoftheirbooksandthegracesoftheirstyle。\"Theyhavefewsentiments，\"saidhe，\"buttheyexpressthemneatly;theyhavelittlemeat，too，buttheydressitwell。\"Johnson’sownnotionsabouteating，however，werenothinglessthandelicate：alegofporkboiledtillitdroppedfromthebone，avealpiewithplumsandsugar，ortheoutsidecutofasaltbuttockofbeef，werehisfavouritedainties。Withregardtodrink，hislikingwasforthestrongest，asitwasnottheflavour，buttheeffect，hesoughtfor，andprofessedtodesire;andwhenIfirstknewhim，heusedtopourcapillaireintohisportwine。Forthelasttwelveyears，however，heleftoffallfermentedliquors。Tomakehimselfsomeamends，indeed，hetookhischocolateliberally，pouringinlargequantitiesofcream，orevenmeltedbutter;andwassofondoffruit，thatthoughheusuallyatesevenoreightlargepeachesofamorningbeforebreakfastbegan，andtreatedthemwithproportionateattentionafterdinneragain，yetIhaveheardhimprotestthatheneverhadquiteasmuchashewishedofwall—fruit，exceptonceinhislife，andthatwaswhenwewerealltogetheratOmbersley，theseatofmyLordSandys。Iwassayingtoafriendoneday，thatIdidnotlikegoose;\"onesmellsitsowhileitisroasting，\"saidI。\"Butyou，madam，\"repliestheDoctor，\"havebeenatalltimesafortunatewoman，havingalwayshadyourhungersoforestalledbyindulgence，thatyouneverexperiencedthedelightofsmellingyourdinnerbeforehand。\"\"Whichpleasure，\"answeredIpertly，\"istobeenjoyedinperfectionbysuchashavethehappinesstopassthroughPorridgeIslandofamorning。\"\"Come，come，\"sayshe，gravely，\"let’shavenosneeringatwhatisserioustosomany。Hundredsofyourfellow—creatures，dearlady，turnanotherway，thattheymaynotbetemptedbytheluxuriesofPorridgeIslandtowishforgratificationstheyarenotabletoobtain。YouarecertainlynotbetterthanallofTHEM;giveGodthanksthatyouarehappier。\"
IreceivedonanotheroccasionasjustarebukefromMr。Johnson，foranoffenceofthesamenature，andhopeItookcarenevertoprovokeathird;
forafteraverylongsummer，particularlyhotanddry，IwaswishingnaturallybutthoughtlesslyforsomeraintolaythedustaswedrovealongtheSurreyroads。\"Icannotbear，\"repliedhe，withmuchasperityandanalteredlook，\"whenIknowhowmanypoorfamilieswillperishnextwinterforwantofthatbreadwhichthepresentdroughtwilldenythem，tohearladiessighingforrain，onlythattheircomplexionsmaynotsufferfromtheheat，ortheirclothesbeincommodedbythedust。Forshame！leaveoffsuchfoppishlamentations，andstudytorelievethosewhosedistressesarereal。\"
Withadvisingotherstobecharitable，however，Dr。Johnsondidnotcontenthimself。Hegaveawayallhehad，andallheeverhadgotten，exceptthetwothousandpoundsheleftbehind;andtheverysmallportionofhisincomewhichhespentonhimself，withallourcalculation，wenevercouldmakemorethanseventy，oratmostfour—scorepoundsayear，andhepretendedtoallowhimselfahundred。Hehadnumberlessdependentsoutofdoorsaswellasin，who，asheexpressedit，\"didnotliketoseehimlatterlyunlesshebrought’emmoney。\"Forthosepeopleheusedfrequentlytoraisecontributionsonhisricherfriends;\"andthis，\"sayshe，\"isoneofthethousandreasonswhichoughttorestrainamanfromdronysolitudeanduselessretirement。Solitude，\"addedheoneday，\"isdangeroustoreason，withoutbeingfavourabletovirtue：pleasuresofsomesortarenecessarytotheintellectualastothecorporealhealth;andthosewhoresistgaietywillbelikelyforthemostparttofallasacrificetoappetite;forthesolicitationsofsensearealwaysathand，andadramtoavacantandsolitarypersonisaspeedyandseducingrelief。Remember，\"
concludedhe，\"thatthesolitarymortaliscertainlyluxurious，probablysuperstitious，andpossiblymad：themindstagnatesforwantofemployment，growsmorbid，andisextinguishedlikeacandleinfoulair。\"
ItwasonthisprinciplethatJohnsonencouragedparentstocarrytheirdaughtersearlyandmuchintocompany：\"forwhatharmcanbedonebeforesomanywitnesses？Solitudeisthesurestnurseofallprurientpassions，andagirlinthehurryofpreparation，ortumultofgaiety，hasneitherinclinationnorleisuretolettenderexpressionssoftenorsinkintoherheart。Theball，theshow，arenotthedangerousplaces：no，itistheprivatefriend，thekindconsoler，thecompanionoftheeasy，vacanthour，whosecompliancewithheropinionscanflatterhervanity，andwhoseconversationcanjustsoothe，withouteverstretchinghermind，thatisthelovertobefeared。Hewhobuzzesinherearatcourtorattheoperamustbecontentedtobuzzinvain。\"ThesenotionsDr。Johnsoncarriedsoveryfar，thatIhaveheardhimsay，\"Ifyoushutupanymanwithanywoman，soastomakethemderivetheirwholepleasurefromeachother，theywouldinevitablyfallinlove，asitiscalled，witheachother;butatsixmonths’end，ifyouwouldthrowthembothintopubliclife，wheretheymightchangepartnersatpleasure，eachwouldsoonforgetthatfondnesswhichmutualdependenceandthepaucityofgeneralamusementalonehadcaused，andeachwouldseparatelyfeeldelightedbytheirrelease。\"
IntheseopinionsRousseauapparentlyconcurswithhimexactly;andMr。
Whitehead’spoem，called\"Variety，\"iswrittensolelytoelucidatethissimpleproposition。Priorlikewiseadvisesthehusbandtosendhiswifeabroad，andletherseetheworldasitreallystands：——
\"Powder，andpocket—glass，andbeau。\"
Mr。Johnsonwasindeedunjustlysupposedtobealoverofsingularity。Fewpeoplehadamoresettledreverencefortheworldthanhe，orwaslesscaptivatedbynewmodesofbehaviourintroduced，orinnovationsonthelong—receivedcustomsofcommonlife。Hehatedthewayofleavingacompanywithouttakingnoticetotheladyofthehousethathewasgoing，anddidnotmuchlikeanyofthecontrivancesbywhicheasehadlatelybeenintroducedintosocietyinsteadofceremony，whichhadmoreofhisapprobation。Cards，dress，anddancing，however，allfoundtheiradvocateinDr。Johnson，whoinculcated，uponprinciple，thecultivationofthoseartswhichmanyamoralistthinkshimselfboundtoreject，andmanyaChristianholdsunfittobepractised。\"Noperson，\"saidheoneday，\"goesunder—dressedtillhethinkshimselfofconsequenceenoughtoforbearcarryingthebadgeofhisrankuponhisback。\"AndinanswertotheargumentsurgedbyPuritans，Quakers，etc。，againstshowydecorationsofthehumanfigure，Ionceheardhimexclaim，\"Oh，letusnotbefound，whenourMastercallsus，rippingthelaceoffourwaistcoats，butthespiritofcontentionfromoursoulsandtongues！Letusallconforminoutwardcustoms，whichareofnoconsequence，tothemannersofthosewhomweliveamong，anddespisesuchpaltrydistinctions。Alas，sir！\"continuedhe，\"amanwhocannotgettoheaveninagreencoat，willnotfindhiswaythithersoonerinagreyone。\"Onanoccasionoflessconsequence，whenheturnedhisbackonLordBolingbrokeintheroomsatBrighthelmstone，hemadethisexcuse，\"Iamnotobliged，sir，\"saidhetoMr。Thrale，whostoodfretting，\"tofindreasonsforrespectingtherankofhimwhowillnotcondescendtodeclareitbyhisdressorsomeothervisiblemark。Whatarestarsandothersignsofsuperioritymadefor？\"
Thenextevening，however，hemadeuscomicalamends，bysittingbythesamenobleman，andharanguingveryloudlyaboutthenatureanduseandabuseofdivorces。Manypeoplegatheredroundthemtohearwhatwassaid，andwhenmyhusbandcalledhimaway，andtoldhimtowhomhehadbeentalking，receivedananswerwhichIwillnotwritedown。
Thoughnoman，perhaps，madesuchroughrepliesasDr。Johnson，yetnobodyhadamorejustaversiontogeneralsatire;healwayshatedandcensuredSwiftforhisunprovokedbitternessagainsttheprofessorsofmedicine，andusedtochallengehisfriends，whentheylamentedtheexorbitancyofphysicians’fees，toproducehimoneinstanceofanestateraisedbyphysicinEngland。Whenanacquaintance，too，wasonedayexclaimingagainstthetediousnessofthelawanditspartiality：\"Letushear，sir，\"saidJohnson，\"nogeneralabuse;thelawisthelastresultofhumanwisdomactinguponhumanexperienceforthebenefitofthepublic。\"
AsthemindofDr。Johnsonwasgreatlyexpanded，sohisfirstcarewasforgeneral，notparticularorpettymorality;andthoseteachershadmoreofhisblamethanpraise，Ithink，whoseektooppresslifewithunnecessaryscruples。\"Scrupleswould，\"asheobserved，\"certainlymakemenmiserable，andseldommakethemgood。Letusever，\"hesaid，\"studiouslyflyfromthoseinstructorsagainstwhomourSaviourdenouncesheavyjudgments，forhavingboundupburdensgrievoustobeborne，andlaidthemontheshouldersofmortalmen。\"Noonehad，however，highernotionsofthehardtaskoftrueChristianitythanJohnson，whosedailyterrorlesthehadnotdoneenough，originatedinpiety，butendedinlittlelessthandisease。
Reasonablewithregardtoothers，hehadformedvainhopesofperformingimpossibilitieshimself;andfindinghisgoodworkseverbelowhisdesiresandintent，filledhisimaginationwithfearsthatheshouldneverobtainforgivenessforomissionsofdutyandcriminalwasteoftime。Theseideaskepthiminconstantanxietyconcerninghissalvation;andthevehementpetitionsheperpetuallymadeforalongercontinuanceonearth，weredoubtlessthecauseofhissoprolongedexistence：forwhenIcarriedDr。
Pepystohimintheyear1782，itappearedwhollyimpossibleforanyskillofthephysicianoranystrengthofthepatienttosavehim。Hewassavedthattime，however，bySirLucas’sprescriptions;andlessskillononeside，orlessstrengthontheother，Iammorallycertain，wouldnothavebeenenough。Hehad，however，possessedanathleticconstitution，ashesaidthemanwhodippedpeopleintheseaatBrighthelmstoneacknowledged;
forseeingMr。Johnsonswim，intheyear1766，\"Why，sir，\"saysthedipper，\"youmusthavebeenastout—heartedgentlemanfortyyearsago。\"
Mr。Thraleandheusedtolaughaboutthatstoryveryoften：butGarricktoldabetter，forhesaidthatintheiryoungdays，whensomestrollingplayerscametoLichfield，ourfriendhadfixedhisplaceuponthestage，andgothimselfachairaccordingly;whichleavingforafewminutes，hefoundamaninitathisreturn，whorefusedtogiveitbackatthefirstentreaty。Mr。Johnson，however，whodidnotthinkitworthhiswhiletomakeasecond，tookchairandmanandalltogether，andthrewthemallatonceintothepit。IaskedtheDoctorifthiswasafact。\"GarrickhasnotSPOILEDitinthetelling，\"saidhe，\"itisveryNEARtrue，tobesure。\"
Mr。Beauclerc，too，relatedonedayhowonsomeoccasionheorderedtwolargemastiffsintohisparlour，toshowafriendwhowasconversantincaninebeautyandexcellencehowthedogsquarrelled，andfasteningoneachother，alarmedallthecompanyexceptJohnson，whoseizingoneinonehandbythecuffoftheneck，theotherintheotherhand，saidgravely，\"Come，gentlemen！where’syourdifficulty？putonedogoutatthedoor，andI
willshowthisfiercegentlemanthewayoutofthewindow：\"which，liftingupthemastiffandthesash，hecontrivedtodoveryexpeditiously，andmuchtothesatisfactionoftheaffrightedcompany。Weinquiredastothetruthofthiscuriousrecital。\"Thedogshavebeensomewhatmagnified，I
believe，sir，\"wasthereply：\"theywere，asIremember，twostoutyoungpointers;butthestoryhasgainedbutlittle。\"
OnereasonwhyMr。Johnson’smemorywassoparticularlyexact，mightbederivedfromhisrigidattentiontoveracity;beingalwaysresolvedtorelateeveryfactasitstood，helookedevenonthesmallerpartsoflifewithminuteattention，andrememberedsuchpassagesasescapecursoryandcommonobservers。\"Astory，\"sayshe，\"isaspecimenofhumanmanners，andderivesitssolevaluefromitstruth。WhenFootehastoldmesomething，I
dismissitfrommymindlikeapassingshadow：whenReynoldstellsmesomething，Iconsidermyselfaspossessedofanideathemore。\"
Mr。Johnsonlikedafrolicorajestwellenough，thoughhehadstrangeseriousrulesaboutittoo：andveryangrywasheifanybodyofferedtobemerrywhenhewasdisposedtobegrave。\"Youhaveanill—foundednotion，\"
saidhe，\"thatitisclevertoturnmattersoffwithajoke（asthephraseis）;whereasnothingproducesenmitysocertainasonepersonsshowingadispositiontobemerrywhenanotherisinclinedtobeeitherseriousordispleased。\"