Youhavetogoawayandbeginyourmeal,asifyouwerenotgoingtohaveanyteaatall。Youmustnotevenlookroundatit。Thenyouwillsoonhearitsputteringaway,madtobemadeintotea。
Itisagoodplan,too,ifyouareinagreathurry,totalkveryloudlytoeachotherabouthowyoudon\'tneedanytea,andarenotgoingtohaveany。Yougetnearthekettle,sothatitcanoverhearyou,andthenyoushoutout,\"Idon\'twantanytea;doyou,George?\"towhichGeorgeshoutsback,\"Oh,no,Idon\'tliketea;we\'llhavelemonadeinstead-tea\'ssoindigestible。\"Uponwhichthekettleboilsover,andputsthestoveout。
Weadoptedthisharmlessbitoftrickery,andtheresultwasthat,bythetimeeverythingelsewasready,theteawaswaiting。Thenwelitthelantern,andsquatteddowntosupper。
Wewantedthatsupper。
Forfive-and-thirtyminutesnotasoundwasheardthroughoutthelengthandbreadthofthatboat,savetheclankofcutleryandcrockery,andthesteadygrindingoffoursetsofmolars。Attheendoffive-and-thirtyminutes,Harrissaid,\"Ah!\"andtookhisleftlegoutfromunderhimandputhisrightonethereinstead。
Fiveminutesafterwards,Georgesaid,\"Ah!\"too,andthrewhisplateoutonthebank;and,threeminuteslaterthanthat,Montmorencygavethefirstsignofcontentmenthehadexhibitedsincewehadstarted,androlledoveronhisside,andspreadhislegsout;andthenIsaid,\"Ah!\"
andbentmyheadback,andbumpeditagainstoneofthehoops,butIdidnotmindit。Ididnotevenswear。
Howgoodonefeelswhenoneisfull-howsatisfiedwithourselvesandwiththeworld!Peoplewhohavetriedit,tellmethataclearconsciencemakesyouveryhappyandcontented;butafullstomachdoesthebusinessquiteaswell,andischeaper,andmoreeasilyobtained。
Onefeelssoforgivingandgenerousafterasubstantialandwell-digestedmeal-sonoble-minded,sokindly-hearted。
Itisverystrange,thisdominationofourintellectbyourdigestiveorgans。Wecannotwork,wecannotthink,unlessourstomachwillsso。
Itdictatestousouremotions,ourpassions。Aftereggsandbacon,itsays,\"Work!\"Afterbeefsteakandporter,itsays,\"Sleep!\"Afteracupoftea(twospoonsfulforeachcup,anddon\'tletitstandmorethanthreeminutes),itsaystothebrain,\"Now,rise,andshowyourstrength。
Beeloquent,anddeep,andtender;see,withacleareye,intoNatureandintolife;spreadyourwhitewingsofquiveringthought,andsoar,agod-
likespirit,overthewhirlingworldbeneathyou,upthroughlonglanesofflamingstarstothegatesofeternity!\"
Afterhotmuffins,itsays,\"Bedullandsoulless,likeabeastofthefield-abrainlessanimal,withlistlesseye,unlitbyanyrayoffancy,orofhope,orfear,orlove,orlife。\"Andafterbrandy,takeninsufficientquantity,itsays,\"Now,come,fool,grinandtumble,thatyourfellow-menmaylaugh-drivelinfolly,andsplutterinsenselesssounds,andshowwhatahelplessninnyispoormanwhosewitandwillaredrowned,likekittens,sidebyside,inhalfaninchofalcohol。\"
Wearebuttheveriest,sorriestslavesofourstomach。Reachnotaftermoralityandrighteousness,myfriends;watchvigilantlyyourstomach,anddietitwithcareandjudgment。Thenvirtueandcontentmentwillcomeandreignwithinyourheart,unsoughtbyanyeffortofyourown;andyouwillbeagoodcitizen,alovinghusband,andatenderfather-anoble,piousman。
Beforeoursupper,HarrisandGeorgeandIwerequarrelsomeandsnappyandill-tempered;afteroursupper,wesatandbeamedononeanother,andwebeameduponthedog,too。Welovedeachother,welovedeverybody。
Harris,inmovingabout,trodonGeorge\'scorn。Hadthishappenedbeforesupper,GeorgewouldhaveexpressedwishesanddesiresconcerningHarris\'sfateinthisworldandthenextthatwouldhavemadeathoughtfulmanshudder。
Asitwas,hesaid:\"Steady,oldman;`warewheat。\"
AndHarris,insteadofmerelyobserving,inhismostunpleasanttones,thatafellowcouldhardlyhelptreadingonsomebitofGeorge\'sfoot,ifhehadtomoveaboutatallwithintenyardsofwhereGeorgewassitting,suggestingthatGeorgeneveroughttocomeintoanordinarysizedboatwithfeetthatlength,andadvisinghimtohangthemovertheside,ashewouldhavedonebeforesupper,nowsaid:\"Oh,I\'msosorry,oldchap;I
hopeIhaven\'thurtyou。\"
AndGeorgesaid:\"Notatall;\"thatitwashisfault;andHarrissaidno,itwashis。
Itwasquiteprettytohearthem。
Welitourpipes,andsat,lookingoutonthequietnight,andtalked。
Georgesaidwhycouldnotwebealwayslikethis-awayfromtheworld,withitssinandtemptation,leadingsober,peacefullives,anddoinggood。IsaiditwasthesortofthingIhadoftenlongedformyself;andwediscussedthepossibilityofourgoingaway,wefour,tosomehandy,well-fitteddesertisland,andlivingthereinthewoods。
Harrissaidthatthedangeraboutdesertislands,asfarashehadheard,wasthattheyweresodamp:butGeorgesaidno,notifproperlydrained。
Andthenwegotontodrains,andthatputGeorgeinmindofaveryfunnythingthathappenedtohisfatheronce。HesaidhisfatherwastravellingwithanotherfellowthroughWales,and,onenight,theystoppedatalittleinn,wherethereweresomeotherfellows,andtheyjoinedtheotherfellows,andspenttheeveningwiththem。
Theyhadaveryjollyevening,andsatuplate,and,bythetimetheycametogotobed,they(thiswaswhenGeorge\'sfatherwasaveryyoungman)wereslightlyjolly,too。They(George\'sfatherandGeorge\'sfather\'sfriend)weretosleepinthesameroom,butindifferentbeds。
Theytookthecandle,andwentup。Thecandlelurchedupagainstthewallwhentheygotintotheroom,andwentout,andtheyhadtoundressandgropeintobedinthedark。Thistheydid;but,insteadofgettingintoseparatebeds,astheythoughttheyweredoing,theybothclimbedintothesameonewithoutknowingit-onegettinginwithhisheadatthetop,andtheothercrawlinginfromtheoppositesideofthecompass,andlyingwithhisfeetonthepillow。
Therewassilenceforamoment,andthenGeorge\'sfathersaid:
\"Joe!\"
\"What\'sthematter,Tom?\"repliedJoe\'svoicefromtheotherendofthebed。
\"Why,there\'samaninmybed,\"saidGeorge\'sfather;\"here\'shisfeetonmypillow。\"
\"Well,it\'sanextraordinarything,Tom,\"answeredtheother;\"butI\'mblestifthereisn\'tamaninmybed,too!\"
\"Whatareyougoingtodo?\"askedGeorge\'sfather。
\"Well,I\'mgoingtochuckhimout,\"repliedJoe。
\"SoamI,\"saidGeorge\'sfather,valiantly。
Therewasabriefstruggle,followedbytwoheavybumpsonthefloor,andthenaratherdolefulvoicesaid:
\"Isay,Tom!\"
\"Yes!\"
\"Howhaveyougoton?\"
\"Well,totellyouthetruth,myman\'schuckedmeout。\"
\"So\'smine!Isay,Idon\'tthinkmuchofthisinn,doyou?\"
\"Whatwasthenameofthatinn?\"saidHarris。
\"ThePigandWhistle,\"saidGeorge。\"Why?\"
\"Ah,no,thenitisn\'tthesame,\"repliedHarris。
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"queriedGeorge。
\"Whyit\'ssocurious,\"murmuredHarris,\"butpreciselythatverysamethinghappenedtoMYfatheronceatacountryinn。I\'veoftenheardhimtellthetale。Ithoughtitmighthavebeenthesameinn。\"
Weturnedinattenthatnight,andIthoughtIshouldsleepwell,beingtired;butIdidn\'t。Asarule,Iundressandputmyheadonthepillow,andthensomebodybangsatthedoor,andsaysitishalf-pasteight:but,to-night,everythingseemedagainstme;thenoveltyofitall,thehardnessoftheboat,thecrampedposition(Iwaslyingwithmyfeetunderoneseat,andmyheadonanother),thesoundofthelappingwaterroundtheboat,andthewindamongthebranches,keptmerestlessanddisturbed。
Ididgettosleepforafewhours,andthensomepartoftheboatwhichseemedtohavegrownupinthenight-foritcertainlywasnottherewhenwestarted,andithaddisappearedbythemorning-keptdiggingintomyspine。Isleptthroughitforawhile,dreamingthatIhadswallowedasovereign,andthattheywerecuttingaholeinmybackwithagimlet,soastotryandgetitout。Ithoughtitveryunkindofthem,andItoldthemIwouldowethemthemoney,andtheyshouldhaveitattheendofthemonth。Buttheywouldnothearofthat,andsaiditwouldbemuchbetteriftheyhaditthen,becauseotherwisetheinterestwouldaccumulateso。Igotquitecrosswiththemafterabit,andtoldthemwhatIthoughtofthem,andthentheygavethegimletsuchanexcruciatingwrenchthatIwokeup。
Theboatseemedstuffy,andmyheadached;soIthoughtIwouldstepoutintothecoolnight-air。IslippedonwhatclothesIcouldfindabout-
someofmyown,andsomeofGeorge\'sandHarris\'s-andcreptunderthecanvasontothebank。
Itwasagloriousnight。Themoonhadsunk,andleftthequietearthalonewiththestars。Itseemedasif,inthesilenceandthehush,whileweherchildrenslept,theyweretalkingwithher,theirsister-
conversingofmightymysteriesinvoicestoovastanddeepforchildishhumanearstocatchthesound。
Theyaweus,thesestrangestars,socold,soclear。Weareaschildrenwhosesmallfeethavestrayedintosomedim-littempleofthegodtheyhavebeentaughttoworshipbutknownot;and,standingwheretheechoingdomespansthelongvistaoftheshadowylight,glanceup,halfhoping,halfafraidtoseesomeawfulvisionhoveringthere。
Andyetitseemssofullofcomfortandofstrength,thenight。Initsgreatpresence,oursmallsorrowscreepaway,ashamed。Thedayhasbeensofulloffretandcare,andourheartshavebeensofullofevilandofbitterthoughts,andtheworldhasseemedsohardandwrongtous。ThenNight,likesomegreatlovingmother,gentlylaysherhanduponourfeveredhead,andturnsourlittletear-stainedfacesuptohers,andsmiles;and,thoughshedoesnotspeak,weknowwhatshewouldsay,andlayourhotflushedcheekagainstherbosom,andthepainisgone。
Sometimes,ourpainisverydeepandreal,andwestandbeforeherverysilent,becausethereisnolanguageforourpain,onlyamoan。Night\'sheartisfullofpityforus:shecannoteaseouraching;shetakesourhandinhers,andthelittleworldgrowsverysmallandveryfarawaybeneathus,and,borneonherdarkwings,wepassforamomentintoamightierPresencethanherown,andinthewondrouslightofthatgreatPresence,allhumanlifelieslikeabookbeforeus,andweknowthatPainandSorrowarebuttheangelsofGod。
Onlythosewhohavewornthecrownofsufferingcanlookuponthatwondrouslight;andthey,whentheyreturn,maynotspeakofit,ortellthemysterytheyknow。
Onceuponatime,throughastrangecountry,thererodesomegoodlyknights,andtheirpathlaybyadeepwood,wheretangledbriarsgrewverythickandstrong,andtorethefleshofthemthatlosttheirwaytherein。Andtheleavesofthetreesthatgrewinthewoodwereverydarkandthick,sothatnorayoflightcamethroughthebranchestolightenthegloomandsadness。
And,astheypassedbythatdarkwood,oneknightofthosethatrode,missinghiscomrades,wanderedfaraway,andreturnedtothemnomore;
andthey,sorelygrieving,rodeonwithouthim,mourninghimasonedead。
Now,whentheyreachedthefaircastletowardswhichtheyhadbeenjourneying,theystayedtheremanydays,andmademerry;andonenight,astheysatincheerfuleasearoundthelogsthatburnedinthegreathall,anddrankalovingmeasure,therecamethecomradetheyhadlost,andgreetedthem。Hisclotheswereragged,likeabeggar\'s,andmanysadwoundswereonhissweetflesh,butuponhisfacethereshoneagreatradianceofdeepjoy。
Andtheyquestionedhim,askinghimwhathadbefallenhim:andhetoldthemhowinthedarkwoodhehadlosthisway,andhadwanderedmanydaysandnights,till,tornandbleeding,hehadlainhimdowntodie。
Then,whenhewasnighuntodeath,lo!throughthesavagegloomtherecametohimastatelymaiden,andtookhimbythehandandledhimonthroughdeviouspaths,unknowntoanyman,untiluponthedarknessofthewoodtheredawnedalightsuchasthelightofdaywasuntobutasalittlelampuntothesun;and,inthatwondrouslight,ourway-wornknightsawasinadreamavision,andsoglorious,sofairthevisionseemed,thatofhisbleedingwoundshethoughtnomore,butstoodasoneentranced,whosejoyisdeepasisthesea,whereofnomancantellthedepth。
Andthevisionfaded,andtheknight,kneelingupontheground,thankedthegoodsaintwhointothatsadwoodhadstrayedhissteps,sohehadseenthevisionthatlaytherehid。
AndthenameofthedarkforestwasSorrow;butofthevisionthatthegoodknightsawthereinwemaynotspeaknortell。
CHAPTERXI。
HOWGEORGE,ONCEUPONATIME,GOTUPEARLYINTHEMORNING-GEORGE,HARRIS,ANDMONTMORENCYDONOTLIKETHELOOKOFTHECOLDWATER-HEROISM
ANDDETERMINATIONONTHEPARTOFJ-GEORGEANDHISSHIRT:STORYWITHA
MORAL-HARRISASCOOK-HISTORICALRETROSPECT,SPECIALLYINSERTEDFOR
THEUSEOFSCHOOLS。
IWOKEatsixthenextmorning;andfoundGeorgeawaketoo。Webothturnedround,andtriedtogotosleepagain,butwecouldnot。Hadtherebeenanyparticularreasonwhyweshouldnothavegonetosleepagain,buthavegotupanddressedthenandthere,weshouldhavedroppedoffwhilewewerelookingatourwatches,andhaveslepttillten。Astherewasnoearthlynecessityforourgettingupunderanothertwohoursattheveryleast,andourgettingupatthattimewasanutterabsurdity,itwasonlyinkeepingwiththenaturalcussednessofthingsingeneralthatweshouldbothfeelthatlyingdownforfiveminutesmorewouldbedeathtous。
Georgesaidthatthesamekindofthing,onlyworse,hadhappenedtohimsomeeighteenmonthsago,whenhewaslodgingbyhimselfinthehouseofacertainMrs。Gippings。Hesaidhiswatchwentwrongoneevening,andstoppedataquarter-pasteight。Hedidnotknowthisatthetimebecause,forsomereasonorother,heforgottowinditupwhenhewenttobed(anunusualoccurrencewithhim),andhungitupoverhispillowwithouteverlookingatthething。
Itwasinthewinterwhenthishappened,veryneartheshortestday,andaweekoffogintothebargain,sothefactthatitwasstillverydarkwhenGeorgewokeinthemorningwasnoguidetohimastothetime。Hereachedup,andhauleddownhiswatch。Itwasaquarter-pasteight。
\"Angelsandministersofgracedefendus!\"exclaimedGeorge;\"andherehaveIgottobeintheCitybynine。Whydidn\'tsomebodycallme?Oh,thisisashame!\"Andheflungthewatchdown,andsprangoutofbed,andhadacoldbath,andwashedhimself,anddressedhimself,andshavedhimselfincoldwaterbecausetherewasnottimetowaitforthehot,andthenrushedandhadanotherlookatthewatch。
Whethertheshakingithadreceivedinbeingthrowndownonthebedhadstartedit,orhowitwas,Georgecouldnotsay,butcertainitwasthatfromaquarter-pasteightithadbeguntogo,andnowpointedtotwentyminutestonine。
Georgesnatcheditup,andrusheddownstairs。Inthesitting-room,allwasdarkandsilent:therewasnofire,nobreakfast。GeorgesaiditwasawickedshameofMrs。G。,andhemadeuphismindtotellherwhathethoughtofherwhenhecamehomeintheevening。Thenhedashedonhisgreat-coatandhat,and,seizinghisumbrella,madeforthefrontdoor。
Thedoorwasnotevenunbolted。GeorgeanathematizedMrs。G。foralazyoldwoman,andthoughtitwasverystrangethatpeoplecouldnotgetupatadecent,respectabletime,unlockedandunboltedthedoor,andranout。
Heranhardforaquarterofamile,andattheendofthatdistanceitbegantobeborneinuponhimasastrangeandcuriousthingthatthereweresofewpeopleabout,andthattherewerenoshopsopen。Itwascertainlyaverydarkandfoggymorning,butstillitseemedanunusualcoursetostopallbusinessonthataccount。HEhadtogotobusiness:
whyshouldotherpeoplestopinbedmerelybecauseitwasdarkandfoggy!
AtlengthhereachedHolborn。Notashutterwasdown!notabuswasabout!Therewerethreemeninsight,oneofwhomwasapoliceman;amarket-cartfullofcabbages,andadilapidatedlookingcab。Georgepulledouthiswatchandlookedatit:itwasfiveminutestonine!Hestoodstillandcountedhispulse。Hestoopeddownandfelthislegs。
Then,withhiswatchstillinhishand,hewentuptothepoliceman,andaskedhimifheknewwhatthetimewas。
\"What\'sthetime?\"saidtheman,eyeingGeorgeupanddownwithevidentsuspicion;\"why,ifyoulistenyouwillhearitstrike。\"
Georgelistened,andaneighbouringclockimmediatelyobliged。
\"Butit\'sonlygonethree!\"saidGeorgeinaninjuredtone,whenithadfinished。
\"Well,andhowmanydidyouwantittogo?\"repliedtheconstable。
\"Why,nine,\"saidGeorge,showinghiswatch。
\"Doyouknowwhereyoulive?\"saidtheguardianofpublicorder,severely。
Georgethought,andgavetheaddress。
\"Oh!that\'swhereitis,isit?\"repliedtheman;\"well,youtakemyadviceandgotherequietly,andtakethatwatchofyourswithyou;anddon\'tlet\'shaveanymoreofit。\"
AndGeorgewenthomeagain,musingashewalkedalong,andlethimselfin。
Atfirst,whenhegotin,hedeterminedtoundressandgotobedagain;
butwhenhethoughtoftheredressingandre-washing,andthehavingofanotherbath,hedeterminedhewouldnot,butwouldsitupandgotosleepintheeasy-chair。
Buthecouldnotgettosleep:heneverfeltmorewakefulinhislife;sohelitthelampandgotoutthechess-board,andplayedhimselfagameofchess。Buteventhatdidnotenlivenhim:itseemedslowsomehow;sohegavechessupandtriedtoread。Hedidnotseemabletotakeanysortofinterestinreadingeither,soheputonhiscoatagainandwentoutforawalk。
Itwashorriblylonesomeanddismal,andallthepolicemenhemetregardedhimwithundisguisedsuspicion,andturnedtheirlanternsonhimandfollowedhimabout,andthishadsuchaneffectuponhimatlastthathebegantofeelasifhereallyhaddonesomething,andhegottoslinkingdowntheby-streetsandhidingindarkdoorwayswhenheheardtheregulationflip-flopapproaching。
Ofcourse,thisconductmadetheforceonlymoredistrustfulofhimthanever,andtheywouldcomeandrouthimoutandaskhimwhathewasdoingthere;andwhenheanswered,\"Nothing,\"hehadmerelycomeoutforastroll(itwasthenfouro\'clockinthemorning),theylookedasthoughtheydidnotbelievehim,andtwoplain-clothesconstablescamehomewithhimtoseeifhereallydidlivewherehehadsaidhedid。Theysawhimgoinwithhiskey,andthentheytookupapositionoppositeandwatchedthehouse。
Hethoughthewouldlightthefirewhenhegotinside,andmakehimselfsomebreakfast,justtopassawaythetime;buthedidnotseemabletohandleanythingfromascuttlefulofcoalstoateaspoonwithoutdroppingitorfallingoverit,andmakingsuchanoisethathewasinmortalfearthatitwouldwakeMrs。G。up,andthatshewouldthinkitwasburglarsandopenthewindowandcall\"Police!\"andthenthesetwodetectiveswouldrushinandhandcuffhim,andmarchhimofftothepolice-court。
Hewasinamorbidlynervousstatebythistime,andhepicturedthetrial,andhistryingtoexplainthecircumstancestothejury,andnobodybelievinghim,andhisbeingsentencedtotwentyyears\'penalservitude,andhismotherdyingofabrokenheart。Sohegaveuptryingtogetbreakfast,andwrappedhimselfupinhisovercoatandsatintheeasy-chairtillMrs。Gcamedownathalf-pastseven。
Hesaidhehadnevergotuptooearlysincethatmorning:ithadbeensuchawarningtohim。
WehadbeensittinghuddledupinourrugswhileGeorgehadbeentellingmethistruestory,andonhisfinishingitIsettoworktowakeupHarriswithascull。Thethirdproddidit:andheturnedoverontheotherside,andsaidhewouldbedowninaminute,andthathewouldhavehislace-upboots。Wesoonlethimknowwherehewas,however,bytheaidofthehitcher,andhesatupsuddenly,sendingMontmorency,whohadbeensleepingthesleepofthejustrightonthemiddleofhischest,sprawlingacrosstheboat。
Thenwepulledupthecanvas,andallfourofuspokedourheadsoutovertheoff-side,andlookeddownatthewaterandshivered。Theidea,overnight,hadbeenthatweshouldgetupearlyinthemorning,flingoffourrugsandshawls,and,throwingbackthecanvas,springintotheriverwithajoyousshout,andrevelinalongdeliciousswim。Somehow,nowthemorninghadcome,thenotionseemedlesstempting。Thewaterlookeddampandchilly:thewindfeltcold。
\"Well,who\'sgoingtobefirstin?\"saidHarrisatlast。
Therewasnorushforprecedence。Georgesettledthemattersofarashewasconcernedbyretiringintotheboatandpullingonhissocks。
Montmorencygaveventtoaninvoluntaryhowl,asifmerelythinkingofthethinghadgivenhimthehorrors;andHarrissaiditwouldbesodifficulttogetintotheboatagain,andwentbackandsortedouthistrousers。
Ididnotaltogetherliketogivein,thoughIdidnotrelishtheplunge。
Theremightbesnagsabout,orweeds,Ithought。Imeanttocompromisemattersbygoingdowntotheedgeandjustthrowingthewaterovermyself;soItookatowelandcreptoutonthebankandwormedmywayalongontothebranchofatreethatdippeddownintothewater。
Itwasbitterlycold。Thewindcutlikeaknife。IthoughtIwouldnotthrowthewaterovermyselfafterall。Iwouldgobackintotheboatanddress;andIturnedtodoso;and,asIturned,thesillybranchgaveway,andIandthetowelwentintogetherwithatremendoussplash,andI
wasoutmid-streamwithagallonofThameswaterinsidemebeforeIknewwhathadhappened。
\"ByJove!oldJ。\'sgonein,\"IheardHarrissay,asIcameblowingtothesurface。\"Ididn\'tthinkhe\'dhavetheplucktodoit。Didyou?\"
\"Isitallright?\"sungoutGeorge。
\"Lovely,\"Isplutteredback。\"Youareduffersnottocomein。I
wouldn\'thavemissedthisforworlds。Whywon\'tyoutryit?Itonlywantsalittledetermination。\"
ButIcouldnotpersuadethem。
Ratheranamusingthinghappenedwhiledressingthatmorning。IwasverycoldwhenIgotbackintotheboat,and,inmyhurrytogetmyshirton,Iaccidentallyjerkeditintothewater。Itmademeawfullywild,especiallyasGeorgeburstoutlaughing。Icouldnotseeanythingtolaughat,andItoldGeorgeso,andheonlylaughedthemore。Ineversawamanlaughsomuch。Iquitelostmytemperwithhimatlast,andI
pointedouttohimwhatadrivellingmaniacofanimbecileidiothewas;
butheonlyroaredthelouder。Andthen,justasIwaslandingtheshirt,Inoticedthatitwasnotmyshirtatall,butGeorge\'s,whichI
hadmistakenformine;whereuponthehumourofthethingstruckmeforthefirsttime,andIbegantolaugh。AndthemoreIlookedfromGeorge\'swetshirttoGeorge,roaringwithlaughter,themoreIwasamused,andIlaughedsomuchthatIhadtolettheshirtfallbackintothewateragain。
\"Ar\'n\'tyou-you-goingtogetitout?\"saidGeorge,betweenhisshrieks。
Icouldnotanswerhimatallforawhile,Iwaslaughingso,but,atlast,betweenmypealsImanagedtojerkout:
\"Itisn\'tmyshirt-it\'sYOURS!\"
Ineversawaman\'sfacechangefromlivelytoseveresosuddenlyinallmylifebefore。
\"What!\"heyelled,springingup。\"Yousillycuckoo!Whycan\'tyoubemorecarefulwhatyou\'redoing?Whythedeucedon\'tyougoanddressonthebank?You\'renotfittobeinaboat,you\'renot。Gimmethehitcher。\"
Itriedtomakehimseethefunofthething,buthecouldnot。Georgeisverydenseatseeingajokesometimes。
Harrisproposedthatweshouldhavescrambledeggsforbreakfast。Hesaidhewouldcookthem。Itseemed,fromhisaccount,thathewasverygoodatdoingscrambledeggs。Heoftendidthematpicnicsandwhenoutonyachts。Hewasquitefamousforthem。Peoplewhohadoncetastedhisscrambledeggs,sowegatheredfromhisconversation,nevercaredforanyotherfoodafterwards,butpinedawayanddiedwhentheycouldnotgetthem。
Itmadeourmouthswatertohearhimtalkaboutthethings,andwehandedhimoutthestoveandthefrying-panandalltheeggsthathadnotsmashedandgoneovereverythinginthehamper,andbeggedhimtobegin。
Hehadsometroubleinbreakingtheeggs-orrathernotsomuchtroubleinbreakingthemexactlyasingettingthemintothefrying-panwhenbroken,andkeepingthemoffhistrousers,andpreventingthemfromrunninguphissleeve;buthefixedsomehalf-a-dozenintothepanatlast,andthensquatteddownbythesideofthestoveandchiviedthemaboutwithafork。
Itseemedharassingwork,sofarasGeorgeandIcouldjudge。Wheneverhewentnearthepanheburnedhimself,andthenhewoulddropeverythinganddanceroundthestove,flickinghisfingersaboutandcursingthethings。Indeed,everytimeGeorgeandIlookedroundathimhewassuretobeperformingthisfeat。Wethoughtatfirstthatitwasanecessarypartoftheculinaryarrangements。
Wedidnotknowwhatscrambledeggswere,andwefanciedthatitmustbesomeRedIndianorSandwichIslandssortofdishthatrequireddancesandincantationsforitspropercooking。Montmorencywentandputhisnoseoveritonce,andthefatsplutteredupandscaldedhim,andthenhebegandancingandcursing。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostinterestingandexcitingoperationsIhaveeverwitnessed。GeorgeandIwerebothquitesorrywhenitwasover。
TheresultwasnotaltogetherthesuccessthatHarrishadanticipated。
Thereseemedsolittletoshowforthebusiness。Sixeggshadgoneintothefrying-pan,andallthatcameoutwasateaspoonfulofburntandunappetizinglookingmess。
Harrissaiditwasthefaultofthefrying-pan,andthoughtitwouldhavegonebetterifwehadhadafish-kettleandagas-stove;andwedecidednottoattemptthedishagainuntilwehadthoseaidstohousekeepingbyus。
Thesunhadgotmorepowerfulbythetimewehadfinishedbreakfast,andthewindhaddropped,anditwasaslovelyamorningasonecoulddesire。
Littlewasinsighttoremindusofthenineteenthcentury;and,aswelookedoutupontheriverinthemorningsunlight,wecouldalmostfancythatthecenturiesbetweenusandthatever-to-be-famousJunemorningof1215hadbeendrawnaside,andthatwe,Englishyeomen\'ssonsinhomespuncloth,withdirkatbelt,werewaitingtheretowitnessthewritingofthatstupendouspageofhistory,themeaningwhereofwastobetranslatedtothecommonpeoplesomefourhundredandoddyearslaterbyoneOliverCromwell,whohaddeeplystudiedit。
Itisafinesummermorning-sunny,soft,andstill。Butthroughtheairthererunsathrillofcomingstir。KingJohnhassleptatDuncroftHall,andallthedaybeforethelittletownofStaineshasechoedtotheclangofarmedmen,andtheclatterofgreathorsesoveritsroughstones,andtheshoutsofcaptains,andthegrimoathsandsurlyjestsofbeardedbowmen,billmen,pikemen,andstrange-speakingforeignspearmen。
Gay-cloakedcompaniesofknightsandsquireshaveriddenin,alltravel-
stainedanddusty。Andalltheeveninglongthetimidtownsmen\'sdoorshavehadtobequickopenedtoletinroughgroupsofsoldiers,forwhomtheremustbefoundbothboardandlodging,andthebestofboth,orwoebetidethehouseandallwithin;fortheswordisjudgeandjury,plaintiffandexecutioner,inthesetempestuoustimes,andpaysforwhatittakesbysparingthosefromwhomittakesit,ifitpleasesittodoso。
Roundthecamp-fireinthemarket-placegatherstillmoreoftheBarons\'
troops,andeatanddrinkdeep,andbellowforthroysteringdrinkingsongs,andgambleandquarrelastheeveninggrowsanddeepensintonight。Thefirelightshedsquaintshadowsontheirpiled-uparmsandontheiruncouthforms。Thechildrenofthetownstealroundtowatchthem,wondering;andbrawnycountrywenches,laughing,drawneartobandyale-
housejestandjibewiththeswaggeringtroopers,sounlikethevillageswains,who,nowdespised,standapartbehind,withvacantgrinsupontheirbroad,peeringfaces。Andoutfromthefieldsaround,glitterthefaintlightsofmoredistantcamps,asheresomegreatlord\'sfollowersliemustered,andtherefalseJohn\'sFrenchmercenarieshoverlikecrouchingwolveswithoutthetown。
Andso,withsentinelineachdarkstreet,andtwinklingwatch-firesoneachheightaround,thenighthaswornaway,andoverthisfairvalleyofoldThamehasbrokenthemorningofthegreatdaythatistoclosesobigwiththefateofagesyetunborn。
Eversincegreydawn,inthelowerofthetwoislands,justabovewherewearestanding,therehasbeengreatclamour,andthesoundofmanyworkmen。Thegreatpavilionbroughtthereyestereveisbeingraised,andcarpentersarebusynailingtiersofseats,while`prenticesfromLondontownaretherewithmany-colouredstuffsandsilksandclothofgoldandsilver。
Andnow,lo!downupontheroadthatwindsalongtheriver\'sbankfromStainestherecometowardsus,laughingandtalkingtogetherindeepgutturalbass,ahalf-a-scoreofstalwarthalbert-men-Barons\'men,these-andhaltatahundredyardsorsoaboveus,ontheotherbank,andleanupontheirarms,andwait。
Andso,fromhourtohour,marchupalongtheroadeverfreshgroupsandbandsofarmedmen,theircasquesandbreastplatesflashingbackthelonglowlinesofmorningsunlight,until,asfaraseyecanreach,thewayseemsthickwithglitteringsteelandprancingsteeds。Andshoutinghorsemenaregallopingfromgrouptogroup,andlittlebannersareflutteringlazilyinthewarmbreeze,andeverynowandthenthereisadeeperstirastheranksmakewayoneitherside,andsomegreatBarononhiswar-horse,withhisguardofsquiresaroundhim,passesalongtotakehisstationattheheadofhisserfsandvassals。
AnduptheslopeofCooper\'sHill,justopposite,aregatheredthewonderingrusticsandcurioustownsfolk,whohaverunfromStaines,andnonearequitesurewhatthebustleisabout,buteachonehasadifferentversionofthegreateventthattheyhavecometosee;andsomesaythatmuchgoodtoallthepeoplewillcomefromthisday\'swork;buttheoldmenshaketheirheads,fortheyhaveheardsuchtalesbefore。
AndalltheriverdowntoStainesisdottedwithsmallcraftandboatsandtinycoracles-whichlastaregrowingoutoffavournow,andareusedonlybythepoorerfolk。Overtherapids,whereinafteryearstrimBellWeirlockwillstand,theyhavebeenforcedordraggedbytheirsturdyrowers,andnowarecrowdingupasnearastheydarecometothegreatcoveredbarges,whichlieinreadinesstobearKingJohntowherethefatefulCharterwaitshissigning。
Itisnoon,andweandallthepeoplehavebeenwaitingpatientformanyanhour,andtherumourhasrunroundthatslipperyJohnhasagainescapedfromtheBarons\'grasp,andhasstolenawayfromDuncroftHallwithhismercenariesathisheels,andwillsoonbedoingotherworkthansigningchartersforhispeople\'sliberty。
Notso!Thistimethegripuponhimhasbeenoneofiron,andhehasslidandwriggledinvain。Fardowntheroadalittlecloudofdusthasrisen,anddrawsnearerandgrowslarger,andthepatteringofmanyhoofsgrowslouder,andinandoutbetweenthescatteredgroupsofdrawn-upmen,therepushesonitswayabrilliantcavalcadeofgay-dressedlordsandknights。Andfrontandrear,andeitherflank,thereridetheyeomenoftheBarons,andinthemidstKingJohn。
Heridestowherethebargeslieinreadiness,andthegreatBaronsstepforthfromtheirrankstomeethim。Hegreetsthemwithasmileandlaugh,andpleasanthoneyedwords,asthoughitweresomefeastinhishonourtowhichhehadbeeninvited。Butasherisestodismount,hecastsonehurriedglancefromhisownFrenchmercenariesdrawnupinthereartothegrimranksoftheBarons\'menthathemhimin。
Isittoolate?Onefierceblowattheunsuspectinghorsemanathisside,onecrytohisFrenchtroops,onedesperatechargeupontheunreadylinesbeforehim,andtheserebelliousBaronsmightruethedaytheydaredtothwarthisplans!Abolderhandmighthaveturnedthegameevenatthatpoint。HaditbeenaRichardthere!thecupoflibertymighthavebeendashedfromEngland\'slips,andthetasteoffreedomheldbackforahundredyears。
ButtheheartofKingJohnsinksbeforethesternfacesoftheEnglishfightingmen,andthearmofKingJohndropsbackontohisrein,andhedismountsandtakeshisseatintheforemostbarge。AndtheBaronsfollowin,witheachmailedhanduponthesword-hilt,andthewordisgiventoletgo。
Slowlytheheavy,bright-deckedbargesleavetheshoreofRunningmede。
Slowlyagainsttheswiftcurrenttheyworktheirponderousway,till,withalowgrumble,theygrateagainstthebankofthelittleislandthatfromthisdaywillbearthenameofMagnaChartaIsland。AndKingJohnhassteppedupontheshore,andwewaitinbreathlesssilencetillagreatshoutcleavestheair,andthegreatcornerstoneinEngland\'stempleoflibertyhas,nowweknow,beenfirmlylaid。
CHAPTERXII。
HENRYVIII。ANDANNEBOLEYN-DISADVANTAGESOFLIVINGINSAMEHOUSEWITH
PAIROFLOVERS-ATRYINGTIMEFORTHEENGLISHNATION-ANIGHTSEARCH
FORTHEPICTURESQUE-HOMELESSANDHOUSELESS-HARRISPREPARESTODIE-
ANANGELCOMESALONG-EFFECTOFSUDDENJOYONHARRIS-ALITTLE
SUPPER-LUNCH-HIGHPRICEFORMUSTARD-AFEARFULBATTLE-
MAIDENHEAD-SAILING-THREEFISHERS-WEARECURSED。
IWASsittingonthebank,conjuringupthisscenetomyself,whenGeorgeremarkedthatwhenIwasquiterested,perhapsIwouldnotmindhelpingtowashup;and,thusrecalledfromthedaysofthegloriouspasttotheprosaicpresent,withallitsmiseryandsin,Isliddownintotheboatandcleanedoutthefrying-panwithastickofwoodandatuftofgrass,polishingitupfinallywithGeorge\'swetshirt。
WewentovertoMagnaChartaIsland,andhadalookatthestonewhichstandsinthecottagethereandonwhichthegreatCharterissaidtohavebeensigned;though,astowhetheritreallywassignedthere,or,assomesay,ontheotherbankat\"Runningmede,\"Ideclinetocommitmyself。Asfarasmyownpersonalopiniongoes,however,Iaminclinedtogiveweighttothepopularislandtheory。Certainly,hadIbeenoneoftheBarons,atthetime,IshouldhavestronglyurgeduponmycomradestheadvisabilityofourgettingsuchaslipperycustomerasKingJohnontotheisland,wheretherewaslesschanceofsurprisesandtricks。
TherearetheruinsofanoldprioryinthegroundsofAnkerwykeHouse,whichisclosetoPicnicPoint,anditwasroundaboutthegroundsofthisoldpriorythatHenryVIII。issaidtohavewaitedforandmetAnneBoleyn。HealsousedtomeetheratHeverCastleinKent,andalsosomewherenearSt。Albans。ItmusthavebeendifficultforthepeopleofEnglandinthosedaystohavefoundaspotwherethesethoughtlessyoungfolkwereNOTspooning。
Haveyoueverbeeninahousewherethereareacouplecourting?Itismosttrying。Youthinkyouwillgoandsitinthedrawing-room,andyoumarchoffthere。Asyouopenthedoor,youhearanoiseasifsomebodyhadsuddenlyrecollectedsomething,and,whenyougetin,Emilyisoverbythewindow,fullofinterestintheoppositesideoftheroad,andyourfriend,JohnEdward,isattheotherendoftheroomwithhiswholesoulheldinthrallbyphotographsofotherpeople\'srelatives。
\"Oh!\"yousay,pausingatthedoor,\"Ididn\'tknowanybodywashere。\"
\"Oh!didn\'tyou?\"saysEmily,coldly,inatonewhichimpliesthatshedoesnotbelieveyou。
Youhangaboutforabit,thenyousay:
\"It\'sverydark。Whydon\'tyoulightthegas?\"
JohnEdwardsays,\"Oh!\"hehadn\'tnoticedit;andEmilysaysthatpapadoesnotlikethegaslitintheafternoon。
Youtellthemoneortwoitemsofnews,andgivethemyourviewsandopinionsontheIrishquestion;butthisdoesnotappeartointerestthem。Alltheyremarkonanysubjectis,\"Oh!\"\"Isit?\"\"Didhe?\"
\"Yes,\"and\"Youdon\'tsayso!\"And,aftertenminutesofsuchstyleofconversation,youedgeuptothedoor,andslipout,andaresurprisedtofindthatthedoorimmediatelyclosesbehindyou,andshutsitself,withoutyourhavingtouchedit。
Halfanhourlater,youthinkyouwilltryapipeintheconservatory。
TheonlychairintheplaceisoccupiedbyEmily;andJohnEdward,ifthelanguageofclothescanbereliedupon,hasevidentlybeensittingonthefloor。Theydonotspeak,buttheygiveyoualookthatsaysallthatcanbesaidinacivilisedcommunity;andyoubackoutpromptlyandshutthedoorbehindyou。
Youareafraidtopokeyournoseintoanyroominthehousenow;so,afterwalkingupanddownthestairsforawhile,yougoandsitinyourownbedroom。Thisbecomesuninteresting,however,afteratime,andsoyouputonyourhatandstrolloutintothegarden。Youwalkdownthepath,andasyoupassthesummer-houseyouglancein,andtherearethosetwoyoungidiots,huddledupintoonecornerofit;andtheyseeyou,andareevidentlyundertheideathat,forsomewickedpurposeofyourown,youarefollowingthemabout。
\"Whydon\'ttheyhaveaspecialroomforthissortofthing,andmakepeoplekeeptoit?\"youmutter;andyourushbacktothehallandgetyourumbrellaandgoout。
ItmusthavebeenmuchlikethiswhenthatfoolishboyHenryVIII。wascourtinghislittleAnne。PeopleinBuckinghamshirewouldhavecomeuponthemunexpectedlywhentheyweremooningroundWindsorandWraysbury,andhaveexclaimed,\"Oh!youhere!\"andHenrywouldhaveblushedandsaid,\"Yes;he\'djustcomeovertoseeaman;\"andAnnewouldhavesaid,\"Oh,I\'msogladtoseeyou!Isn\'titfunny?I\'vejustmetMr。HenryVIII。
inthelane,andhe\'sgoingthesamewayIam。\"
Thenthosepeoplewouldhavegoneawayandsaidtothemselves:\"Oh!we\'dbettergetoutofherewhilethisbillingandcooingison。We\'llgodowntoKent。\"
AndtheywouldgotoKent,andthefirstthingtheywouldseeinKent,whentheygotthere,wouldbeHenryandAnnefoolingroundHeverCastle。
\"Oh,dratthis!\"theywouldhavesaid。\"Here,let\'sgoaway。Ican\'tstandanymoreofit。Let\'sgotoSt。Albans-nicequietplace,St。
Albans。\"
AndwhentheyreachedSt。Albans,therewouldbethatwretchedcouple,kissingundertheAbbeywalls。Thenthesefolkswouldgoandbepiratesuntilthemarriagewasover。
FromPicnicPointtoOldWindsorLockisadelightfulbitoftheriver。
Ashadyroad,dottedhereandtherewithdaintylittlecottages,runsbythebankuptothe\"BellsofOuseley,\"apicturesqueinn,asmostup-
riverinnsare,andaplacewhereaverygoodglassofalemaybedrunk-
soHarrissays;andonamatterofthiskindyoucantakeHarris\'sword。
OldWindsorisafamousspotinitsway。EdwardtheConfessorhadapalacehere,andherethegreatEarlGodwinwasprovedguiltybythejusticeofthatageofhavingencompassedthedeathoftheKing\'sbrother。EarlGodwinbrokeapieceofbreadandhelditinhishand。
\"IfIamguilty,\"saidtheEarl,\"maythisbreadchokemewhenIeatit!\"
Thenheputthebreadintohismouthandswallowedit,anditchokedhim,andhedied。
AfteryoupassOldWindsor,theriverissomewhatuninteresting,anddoesnotbecomeitselfagainuntilyouarenearingBoveney。GeorgeandI
toweduppasttheHomePark,whichstretchesalongtherightbankfromAlberttoVictoriaBridge;andaswewerepassingDatchet,GeorgeaskedmeifIrememberedourfirsttripuptheriver,andwhenwelandedatDatchetatteno\'clockatnight,andwantedtogotobed。
IansweredthatIdidrememberit。ItwillbesometimebeforeIforgetit。
ItwastheSaturdaybeforetheAugustBankHoliday。Weweretiredandhungry,wesamethree,andwhenwegottoDatchetwetookoutthehamper,thetwobags,andtherugsandcoats,andsuchlikethings,andstartedofftolookfordiggings。Wepassedaveryprettylittlehotel,withclematisandcreeperovertheporch;buttherewasnohoneysuckleaboutit,and,forsomereasonorother,Ihadgotmymindfixedonhoneysuckle,andIsaid:
\"Oh,don\'tlet\'sgointhere!Let\'sgoonabitfurther,andseeifthereisn\'tonewithhoneysuckleoverit。\"
Sowewentontillwecametoanotherhotel。Thatwasaverynicehotel,too,andithadhoney-suckleonit,roundattheside;butHarrisdidnotlikethelookofamanwhowasleaningagainstthefrontdoor。Hesaidhedidn\'tlookanicemanatall,andheworeuglyboots:sowewentonfurther。Wewentagoodishwaywithoutcomingacrossanymorehotels,andthenwemetaman,andaskedhimtodirectustoafew。
Hesaid:
\"Why,youarecomingawayfromthem。Youmustturnrightroundandgoback,andthenyouwillcometotheStag。\"
Wesaid:
\"Oh,wehadbeenthere,anddidn\'tlikeit-nohoneysuckleoverit。\"
\"Well,then,\"hesaid,\"there\'stheManorHouse,justopposite。Haveyoutriedthat?\"
Harrisrepliedthatwedidnotwanttogothere-didn\'tlikethelooksofamanwhowasstoppingthere-Harrisdidnotlikethecolourofhishair,didn\'tlikehisboots,either。
\"Well,Idon\'tknowwhatyou\'lldo,I\'msure,\"saidourinformant;
\"becausetheyaretheonlytwoinnsintheplace。\"
\"Nootherinns!\"exclaimedHarris。
\"None,\"repliedtheman。
\"Whatoneartharewetodo?\"criedHarris。
ThenGeorgespokeup。HesaidHarrisandIcouldgetanhotelbuiltforus,ifweliked,andhavesomepeoplemadetoputin。Forhispart,hewasgoingbacktotheStag。
Thegreatestmindsneverrealisetheiridealsinanymatter;andHarrisandIsighedoverthehollownessofallearthlydesires,andfollowedGeorge。
WetookourtrapsintotheStag,andlaidthemdowninthehall。
Thelandlordcameupandsaid:
\"Goodevening,gentlemen。\"
\"Oh,goodevening,\"saidGeorge;\"wewantthreebeds,please。\"
\"Verysorry,sir,\"saidthelandlord;\"butI\'mafraidwecan\'tmanageit。\"
\"Oh,well,nevermind,\"saidGeorge,\"twowilldo。Twoofuscansleepinonebed,can\'twe?\"hecontinued,turningtoHarrisandme。
Harrissaid,\"Oh,yes;\"hethoughtGeorgeandIcouldsleepinonebedveryeasily。
\"Verysorry,sir,\"againrepeatedthelandlord:\"butwereallyhaven\'tgotabedvacantinthewholehouse。Infact,weareputtingtwo,andeventhreegentlemeninonebed,asitis。\"
Thisstaggeredusforabit。
ButHarris,whoisanoldtraveller,rosetotheoccasion,and,laughingcheerily,said:
\"Oh,well,wecan\'thelpit。Wemustroughit。Youmustgiveusashake-downinthebilliard-room。\"
\"Verysorry,sir。Threegentlemensleepingonthebilliard-tablealready,andtwointhecoffee-room。Can\'tpossiblytakeyouinto-
night。\"
Wepickedupourthings,andwentovertotheManorHouse。Itwasaprettylittleplace。IsaidIthoughtIshouldlikeitbetterthantheotherhouse;andHarrissaid,\"Oh,yes,\"itwouldbeallright,andweneedn\'tlookatthemanwiththeredhair;besides,thepoorfellowcouldn\'thelphavingredhair。