HARRIS（STANDINGUPINFRONTOFPIANOANDADDRESSINGTHEEXPECTANTMOB）：
\"I\'mafraidit\'saveryoldthing，youknow。Iexpectyouallknowit，youknow。Butit\'stheonlythingIknow。It\'stheJudge\'ssongoutofPINAFORE-no，Idon\'tmeanPINAFORE-Imean-youknowwhatImean-
theotherthing，youknow。Youmustalljoininthechorus，youknow。\"
[Murmursofdelightandanxietytojoininthechorus。BrilliantperformanceofpreludetotheJudge\'ssongin\"TrialbyJury\"bynervousPianist。MomentarrivesforHarristojoinin。Harristakesnonoticeofit。Nervouspianistcommencespreludeoveragain，andHarris，commencingsingingatthesametime，dashesoffthefirsttwolinesoftheFirstLord\'ssongoutof\"Pinafore。\"Nervouspianisttriestopushonwithprelude，givesitup，andtriestofollowHarriswithaccompanimenttoJudge\'ssongout\"TrialbyJury，\"findsthatdoesn\'tanswer，andtriestorecollectwhatheisdoing，andwhereheis，feelshismindgivingway，andstopsshort。]
HARRIS（WITHKINDLYENCOURAGEMENT）：\"It\'sallright。You\'redoingitverywell，indeed-goon。\"
NERVOUSPIANIST：\"I\'mafraidthere\'samistakesomewhere。Whatareyousinging？\"
HARRIS（PROMPTLY）：\"WhytheJudge\'ssongoutofTrialbyJury。Don\'tyouknowit？\"
SOMEFRIENDOFHARRIS\'S（FROMTHEBACKOFTHEROOM）：\"No，you\'renot，youchuckle-head，you\'resingingtheAdmiral\'ssongfromPINAFORE。\"
[LongargumentbetweenHarrisandHarris\'sfriendastowhatHarrisisreallysinging。Friendfinallysuggeststhatitdoesn\'tmatterwhatHarrisissingingsolongasHarrisgetsonandsingsit，andHarris，withanevidentsenseofinjusticeranklinginsidehim，requestspianisttobeginagain。Pianist，thereupon，startspreludetotheAdmiral\'ssong，andHarris，seizingwhatheconsiderstobeafavourableopeninginthemusic，begins。]
HARRIS：
\"`WhenIwasyoungandcalledtotheBar。\'\"
[GENERALROAROFLAUGHTER，TAKENBYHARRISASACOMPLIMENT。PIANIST，THINKINGOFHISWIFEANDFAMILY，GIVESUPTHEUNEQUALCONTESTAND
RETIRES；HISPLACEBEINGTAKENBYASTRONGER-NERVEDMAN。
THENEWPIANIST（CHEERILY）：\"Nowthen，oldman，youstartoff，andI\'llfollow。Wewon\'tbotheraboutanyprelude。\"
HARRIS（UPONWHOMTHEEXPLANATIONOFMATTERSHASSLOWLYDAWNED-
LAUGHING）：\"ByJove！Ibegyourpardon。Ofcourse-I\'vebeenmixingupthetwosongs。ItwasJenkinsconfusedme，youknow。Nowthen。
[SINGING；HISVOICEAPPEARINGTOCOMEFROMTHECELLAR，ANDSUGGESTINGTHE
FIRSTLOWWARNINGSOFANAPPROACHINGEARTHQUAKE。
\"`WhenIwasyoungIservedatermAsoffice-boytoanattorney\'sfirm。\'
（Asidetopianist）：\"Itistoolow，oldman；we\'llhavethatoveragain，ifyoudon\'tmind。\"
[SINGSFIRSTTWOLINESOVERAGAIN，INAHIGHFALSETTOTHISTIME。GREAT
SURPRISEONTHEPARTOFTHEAUDIENCE。NERVOUSOLDLADYNEARTHEFIRE
BEGINSTOCRY，ANDHASTOBELEDOUT。]
HARRIS（continuing）：
\"IsweptthewindowsandIsweptthedoor，AndI-`
No-no，Icleanedthewindowsofthebigfrontdoor。AndIpolishedupthefloor-no，dashit-Ibegyourpardon-funnything，Ican\'tthinkofthatline。AndI-andI-Oh，well，we\'llgetontothechorus，andchanceit（SINGS）：
`AndIdiddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-de，TillnowIamtheruleroftheQueen\'snavee。\'
Nowthen，chorus-itisthelasttwolinesrepeated，youknow。
GENERALCHORUS：
\"Andhediddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-dee\'d，TillnowheistheruleroftheQueen\'snavee。\"
AndHarrisneverseeswhatanassheismakingofhimself，andhowheisannoyingalotofpeoplewhoneverdidhimanyharm。Hehonestlyimaginesthathehasgiventhematreat，andsayshewillsinganothercomicsongaftersupper。
Speakingofcomicsongsandparties，remindsmeofarathercuriousincidentatwhichIonceassisted；which，asitthrowsmuchlightupontheinnermentalworkingofhumannatureingeneral，ought，Ithink，toberecordedinthesepages。
Wewereafashionableandhighlyculturedparty。Wehadonourbestclothes，andwetalkedpretty，andwereveryhappy-allexcepttwoyoungfellows，students，justreturnedfromGermany，commonplaceyoungmen，whoseemedrestlessanduncomfortable，asiftheyfoundtheproceedingsslow。
Thetruthwas，weweretoocleverforthem。Ourbrilliantbutpolishedconversation，andourhigh-classtastes，werebeyondthem。Theywereoutofplace，amongus。Theyneveroughttohavebeenthereatall。
Everybodyagreeduponthat，lateron。
WeplayedMORCEAUXfromtheoldGermanmasters。Wediscussedphilosophyandethics。Weflirtedwithgracefuldignity。Wewereevenhumorous-
inahigh-classway。
SomebodyrecitedaFrenchpoemaftersupper，andwesaiditwasbeautiful；andthenaladysangasentimentalballadinSpanish，anditmadeoneortwoofusweep-itwassopathetic。
Andthenthosetwoyoungmengotup，andaskedusifwehadeverheardHerrSlossennBoschen（whohadjustarrived，andwasthendowninthesupper-room）singhisgreatGermancomicsong。
Noneofushadheardit，thatwecouldremember。
Theyoungmensaiditwasthefunniestsongthathadeverbeenwritten，andthat，ifweliked，theywouldgetHerrSlossennBoschen，whomtheyknewverywell，tosingit。Theysaiditwassofunnythat，whenHerrSlossennBoschenhadsungitoncebeforetheGermanEmperor，he（theGermanEmperor）hadhadtobecarriedofftobed。
TheysaidnobodycouldsingitlikeHerrSlossennBoschen；hewassointenselyseriousallthroughitthatyoumightfancyhewasrecitingatragedy，andthat，ofcourse，madeitallthefunnier。Theysaidheneveroncesuggestedbyhistoneormannerthathewassinginganythingfunny-thatwouldspoilit。Itwashisairofseriousness，almostofpathos，thatmadeitsoirresistiblyamusing。
Wesaidweyearnedtohearit，thatwewantedagoodlaugh；andtheywentdownstairs，andfetchedHerrSlossennBoschen。
Heappearedtobequitepleasedtosingit，forhecameupatonce，andsatdowntothepianowithoutanotherword。
\"Oh，itwillamuseyou。Youwilllaugh，\"whisperedthetwoyoungmen，astheypassedthroughtheroom，andtookupanunobtrusivepositionbehindtheProfessor\'sback。
HerrSlossennBoschenaccompaniedhimself。Thepreludedidnotsuggestacomicsongexactly。Itwasaweird，soulfulair。Itquitemadeone\'sfleshcreep；butwemurmuredtooneanotherthatitwastheGermanmethod，andpreparedtoenjoyit。
Idon\'tunderstandGermanmyself。Ilearneditatschool，butforgoteverywordofittwoyearsafterIhadleft，andhavefeltmuchbettereversince。Still，Ididnotwantthepeopletheretoguessmyignorance；soIhituponwhatIthoughttoberatheragoodidea。Ikeptmyeyeonthetwoyoungstudents，andfollowedthem。Whentheytittered，Itittered；whentheyroared，Iroared；andIalsothrewinalittlesniggerallbymyselfnowandthen，asifIhadseenabitofhumourthathadescapedtheothers。Iconsideredthisparticularlyartfulonmypart。
Inoticed，asthesongprogressed，thatagoodmanyotherpeopleseemedtohavetheireyefixedonthetwoyoungmen，aswellasmyself。Theseotherpeoplealsotitteredwhentheyoungmentittered，androaredwhentheyoungmenroared；and，asthetwoyoungmentitteredandroaredandexplodedwithlaughterprettycontinuouslyallthroughthesong，itwentexceedinglywell。
AndyetthatGermanProfessordidnotseemhappy。Atfirst，whenwebegantolaugh，theexpressionofhisfacewasoneofintensesurprise，asiflaughterweretheverylastthinghehadexpectedtobegreetedwith。Wethoughtthisveryfunny：wesaidhisearnestmannerwashalfthehumour。Theslightesthintonhispartthatheknewhowfunnyhewaswouldhavecompletelyruineditall。Aswecontinuedtolaugh，hissurprisegavewaytoanairofannoyanceandindignation，andhescowledfiercelyrounduponusall（exceptuponthetwoyoungmenwho，beingbehindhim，hecouldnotsee）。Thatsentusintoconvulsions。Wetoldeachotherthatitwouldbethedeathofus，thisthing。Thewordsalone，wesaid，wereenoughtosendusintofits，butaddedtohismockseriousness-oh，itwastoomuch！
Inthelastverse，hesurpassedhimself。Hegloweredrounduponuswithalookofsuchconcentratedferocitythat，butforourbeingforewarnedastotheGermanmethodofcomicsinging，weshouldhavebeennervous；
andhethrewsuchawailingnoteofagonyintotheweirdmusicthat，ifwehadnotknownitwasafunnysong，wemighthavewept。
Hefinishedamidaperfectshriekoflaughter。Wesaiditwasthefunniestthingwehadeverheardinallourlives。Wesaidhowstrangeitwasthat，inthefaceofthingslikethese，thereshouldbeapopularnotionthattheGermanshadn\'tanysenseofhumour。AndweaskedtheProfessorwhyhedidn\'ttranslatethesongintoEnglish，sothatthecommonpeoplecouldunderstandit，andhearwhatarealcomicsongwaslike。
ThenHerrSlossennBoschengotup，andwentonawful。HesworeatusinGerman（whichIshouldjudgetobeasingularlyeffectivelanguageforthatpurpose），andhedanced，andshookhisfists，andcalledusalltheEnglishheknew。Hesaidhehadneverbeensoinsultedinallhislife。
Itappearedthatthesongwasnotacomicsongatall。ItwasaboutayounggirlwholivedintheHartzMountains，andwhohadgivenupherlifetosaveherlover\'ssoul；andhedied，andmetherspiritintheair；andthen，inthelastverse，hejiltedherspirit，andwentonwithanotherspirit-I\'mnotquitesureofthedetails，butitwassomethingverysad，Iknow。HerrBoschensaidhehadsungitoncebeforetheGermanEmperor，andhe（theGermanEmperor）hadsobbedlikealittlechild。He（HerrBoschen）saiditwasgenerallyacknowledgedtobeoneofthemosttragicandpatheticsongsintheGermanlanguage。
Itwasatryingsituationforus-verytrying。Thereseemedtobenoanswer。Welookedaroundforthetwoyoungmenwhohaddonethisthing，buttheyhadleftthehouseinanunostentatiousmannerimmediatelyaftertheendofthesong。
Thatwastheendofthatparty。Ineversawapartybreakupsoquietly，andwithsolittlefuss。Weneversaidgood-nighteventooneanother。
Wecamedownstairsoneatatime，walkingsoftly，andkeepingtheshadyside。Weaskedtheservantforourhatsandcoatsinwhispers，andopenedthedoorforourselves，andslippedout，andgotroundthecornerquickly，avoidingeachotherasmuchaspossible。
IhavenevertakenmuchinterestinGermansongssincethen。
WereachedSunburyLockathalf-pastthree。Theriverissweetlyprettyjusttherebeforeyoucometothegates，andthebackwaterischarming；
butdon\'tattempttorowupit。
Itriedtodosoonce。Iwassculling，andaskedthefellowswhoweresteeringiftheythoughtitcouldbedone，andtheysaid，oh，yes，theythoughtso，ifIpulledhard。Wewerejustunderthelittlefoot-bridgethatcrossesitbetweenthetwoweirs，whentheysaidthis，andIbentdownoverthesculls，andsetmyselfup，andpulled。
Ipulledsplendidly。Igotwellintoasteadyrhythmicalswing。Iputmyarms，andmylegs，andmybackintoit。Isetmyselfagood，quick，dashingstroke，andworkedinreallygrandstyle。Mytwofriendssaiditwasapleasuretowatchme。Attheendoffiveminutes，Ithoughtweoughttobeprettyneartheweir，andIlookedup。Wewereunderthebridge，inexactlythesamespotthatwewerewhenIbegan，andtherewerethosetwoidiots，injuringthemselvesbyviolentlaughing。Ihadbeengrindingawaylikemadtokeepthatboatstuckstillunderthatbridge。Iletotherpeoplepullupbackwatersagainststrongstreamsnow。
WesculleduptoWalton，aratherlargeplaceforariversidetown。Aswithallriversideplaces，onlythetiniestcornerofitcomesdowntothewater，sothatfromtheboatyoumightfancyitwasavillageofsomehalf-dozenhouses，alltold。WindsorandAbingdonaretheonlytownsbetweenLondonandOxfordthatyoucanreallyseeanythingoffromthestream。Alltheothershideroundcorners，andmerelypeepattheriverdownonestreet：mythankstothemforbeingsoconsiderate，andleavingtheriver-bankstowoodsandfieldsandwater-works。
EvenReading，thoughitdoesitsbesttospoilandsullyandmakehideousasmuchoftheriverasitcanreach，isgood-naturedenoughtokeepitsuglyfaceagooddealoutofsight。
Caesar，ofcourse，hadalittleplaceatWalton-acamp，oranentrenchment，orsomethingofthatsort。Caesarwasaregularup-riverman。AlsoQueenElizabeth，shewasthere，too。Youcannevergetawayfromthatwoman，gowhereyouwill。CromwellandBradshaw（nottheguideman，buttheKingCharles\'sheadman）likewisesojournedhere。Theymusthavebeenquiteapleasantlittleparty，altogether。
Thereisaniron\"scold\'sbridle\"inWaltonChurch。Theyusedthesethingsinancientdaysforcurbingwomen\'stongues。Theyhavegivenuptheattemptnow。Isupposeironwasgettingscarce，andnothingelsewouldbestrongenough。
Therearealsotombsofnoteinthechurch，andIwasafraidIshouldnevergetHarrispastthem；buthedidn\'tseemtothinkofthem，andwewenton。Abovethebridgetheriverwindstremendously。Thismakesitlookpicturesque；butitirritatesyoufromatowingorscullingpointofview，andcausesargumentbetweenthemanwhoispullingandthemanwhoissteering。
YoupassOatlandsParkontherightbankhere。Itisafamousoldplace。
HenryVIII。stoleitfromsomeoneortheother，Iforgetwhomnow，andlivedinit。Thereisagrottointheparkwhichyoucanseeforafee，andwhichissupposedtobeverywonderful；butIcannotseemuchinitmyself。ThelateDuchessofYork，wholivedatOatlands，wasveryfondofdogs，andkeptanimmensenumber。Shehadaspecialgraveyardmade，inwhichtoburythemwhentheydied，andtheretheylie，aboutfiftyofthem，withatombstoneovereach，andanepitaphinscribedthereon。
Well，IdaresaytheydeserveitquiteasmuchastheaverageChristiandoes。
At\"CorwayStakes\"-thefirstbendaboveWaltonBridge-wasfoughtabattlebetweenCaesarandCassivelaunus。CassivelaunushadpreparedtheriverforCaesar，byplantingitfullofstakes（andhad，nodoubt，putupanotice-board）。ButCaesarcrossedinspiteofthis。Youcouldn\'tchokeCaesaroffthatriver。Heisthesortofmanwewantroundthebackwatersnow。
HallifordandSheppertonarebothprettylittlespotswheretheytouchtheriver；butthereisnothingremarkableabouteitherofthem。ThereisatombinSheppertonchurchyard，however，withapoemonit，andIwasnervouslestHarrisshouldwanttogetoutandfoolroundit。Isawhimfixalongingeyeonthelanding-stageaswedrewnearit，soImanaged，byanadroitmovement，tojerkhiscapintothewater，andintheexcitementofrecoveringthat，andhisindignationatmyclumsiness，heforgotallabouthisbelovedgraves。
AtWeybridge，theWey（aprettylittlestream，navigableforsmallboatsuptoGuildford，andonewhichIhavealwaysbeenmakingupmymindtoexplore，andneverhave），theBourne，andtheBasingstokeCanalallentertheThamestogether。Thelockisjustoppositethetown，andthefirstthingthatwesaw，whenwecameinviewofit，wasGeorge\'sblazerononeofthelockgates，closerinspectionshowingthatGeorgewasinsideit。
Montmorencysetupafuriousbarking，Ishrieked，Harrisroared；Georgewavedhishat，andyelledback。Thelock-keeperrushedoutwithadrag，undertheimpressionthatsomebodyhadfallenintothelock，andappearedannoyedatfindingthatnoonehad。
Georgehadratheracuriousoilskin-coveredparcelinhishand。Itwasroundandflatatoneend，withalongstraighthandlestickingoutofit。
\"What\'sthat？\"saidHarris-\"afrying-pan？\"
\"No，\"saidGeorge，withastrange，wildlookglitteringinhiseyes；
\"theyarealltheragethisseason；everybodyhasgotthemuptheriver。
It\'sabanjo。\"
\"Ineverknewyouplayedthebanjo！\"criedHarrisandI，inonebreath。
\"Notexactly，\"repliedGeorge：\"butit\'sveryeasy，theytellme；andI\'vegottheinstructionbook！\"
CHAPTERIX。
GEORGEISINTRODUCEDTOWORK-HEATHENISHINSTINCTSOFTOW-LINES-
UNGRATEFULCONDUCTOFADOUBLE-SCULLINGSKIFF-TOWERSANDTOWED-A
USEDISCOVEREDFORLOVERS-STRANGEDISAPPEARANCEOFANELDERLYLADY-
MUCHHASTE，LESSSPEED-BEINGTOWEDBYGIRLS：EXCITINGSENSATION-THE
MISSINGLOCKORTHEHAUNTEDRIVER-MUSIC-SAVED！
WEmadeGeorgework，nowwehadgothim。Hedidnotwanttowork，ofcourse；thatgoeswithoutsaying。HehadhadahardtimeintheCity，soheexplained。Harris，whoiscallousinhisnature，andnotpronetopity，said：
\"Ah！andnowyouaregoingtohaveahardtimeontheriverforachange；
changeisgoodforeveryone。Outyouget！\"
Hecouldnotinconscience-notevenGeorge\'sconscience-object，thoughhedidsuggestthat，perhaps，itwouldbebetterforhimtostopintheboat，andgetteaready，whileHarrisandItowed，becausegettingteawassuchaworryingwork，andHarrisandIlookedtired。Theonlyreplywemadetothis，however，wastopasshimoverthetow-line，andhetookit，andsteppedout。
Thereissomethingverystrangeandunaccountableaboutatow-line。Yourollitupwithasmuchpatienceandcareasyouwouldtaketofoldupanewpairoftrousers，andfiveminutesafterwards，whenyoupickitup，itisoneghastly，soul-revoltingtangle。
Idonotwishtobeinsulting，butIfirmlybelievethatifyoutookanaveragetow-line，andstretcheditoutstraightacrossthemiddleofafield，andthenturnedyourbackonitforthirtyseconds，that，whenyoulookedroundagain，youwouldfindthatithadgotitselfaltogetherinaheapinthemiddleofthefield，andhadtwisteditselfup，andtieditselfintoknots，andlostitstwoends，andbecomeallloops；anditwouldtakeyouagoodhalf-hour，sittingdownthereonthegrassandswearingallthewhile，todisentangleitagain。
Thatismyopinionoftow-linesingeneral。Ofcourse，theremaybehonourableexceptions；Idonotsaythattherearenot。Theremaybetow-linesthatareacredittotheirprofession-conscientious，respectabletow-lines-tow-linesthatdonotimaginetheyarecrochet-
work，andtrytoknitthemselvesupintoantimacassarstheinstanttheyarelefttothemselves。IsaythereMAYbesuchtow-lines；Isincerelyhopethereare。ButIhavenotmetwiththem。
Thistow-lineIhadtakeninmyselfjustbeforewehadgottothelock。
IwouldnotletHarristouchit，becauseheiscareless。Ihadloopeditroundslowlyandcautiously，andtieditupinthemiddle，andfoldeditintwo，andlaiditdowngentlyatthebottomoftheboat。Harrishadlifteditupscientifically，andhadputitintoGeorge\'shand。Georgehadtakenitfirmly，andhelditawayfromhim，andhadbeguntounravelitasifheweretakingtheswaddlingclothesoffanew-borninfant；and，beforehehadunwoundadozenyards，thethingwasmorelikeabadly-madedoor-matthananythingelse。
Itisalwaysthesame，andthesamesortofthingalwaysgoesoninconnectionwithit。Themanonthebank，whoistryingtodisentangleit，thinksallthefaultlieswiththemanwhorolleditup；andwhenamanuptheriverthinksathing，hesaysit。
\"Whathaveyoubeentryingtodowithit，makeafishing-netofit？
You\'vemadeanicemessyouhave；whycouldn\'tyouwinditupproperly，yousillydummy？\"hegruntsfromtimetotimeashestruggleswildlywithit，andlaysitoutflatonthetow-path，andrunsroundandroundit，tryingtofindtheend。
Ontheotherhand，themanwhowounditupthinksthewholecauseofthemuddlerestswiththemanwhoistryingtounwindit。
\"Itwasallrightwhenyoutookit！\"heexclaimsindignantly。\"Whydon\'tyouthinkwhatyouaredoing？Yougoaboutthingsinsuchaslap-dashstyle。You\'dgetascaffoldingpoleentangledyouwould！\"
Andtheyfeelsoangrywithoneanotherthattheywouldliketohangeachotherwiththething。
Tenminutesgoby，andthefirstmangivesayellandgoesmad，anddancesontherope，andtriestopullitstraightbyseizingholdofthefirstpiecethatcomestohishandandhaulingatit。Ofcourse，thisonlygetsitintoatightertanglethanever。Thenthesecondmanclimbsoutoftheboatandcomestohelphim，andtheygetineachother\'sway，andhinderoneanother。Theybothgetholdofthesamebitofline，andpullatitinoppositedirections，andwonderwhereitiscaught。Intheend，theydogetitclear，andthenturnroundandfindthattheboathasdriftedoff，andismakingstraightfortheweir。
Thisreallyhappenedoncetomyownknowledge。ItwasupbyBoveney，oneratherwindymorning。Wewerepullingdownstream，and，aswecameroundthebend，wenoticedacoupleofmenonthebank。TheywerelookingateachotherwithasbewilderedandhelplesslymiserableexpressionasI
haveeverwitnessedonanyhumancountenancebeforeorsince，andtheyheldalongtow-linebetweenthem。Itwasclearthatsomethinghadhappened，soweeasedupandaskedthemwhatwasthematter。
\"Why，ourboat\'sgoneoff！\"theyrepliedinanindignanttone。\"Wejustgotouttodisentanglethetow-line，andwhenwelookedround，itwasgone！\"
Andtheyseemedhurtatwhattheyevidentlyregardedasameanandungratefulactonthepartoftheboat。
Wefoundthetruantforthemhalfamilefurtherdown，heldbysomerushes，andwebroughtitbacktothem。Ibettheydidnotgivethatboatanotherchanceforaweek。
Ishallneverforgetthepictureofthosetwomenwalkingupanddownthebankwithatow-line，lookingfortheirboat。
Oneseesagoodmanyfunnyincidentsuptheriverinconnectionwithtowing。Oneofthemostcommonisthesightofacoupleoftowers，walkingbrisklyalong，deepinananimateddiscussion，whilethemanintheboat，ahundredyardsbehindthem，isvainlyshriekingtothemtostop，andmakingfranticsignsofdistresswithascull。Somethinghasgonewrong；therudderhascomeoff，ortheboat-hookhasslippedoverboard，orhishathasdroppedintothewaterandisfloatingrapidlydownstream。
Hecallstothemtostop，quitegentlyandpolitelyatfirst。
\"Hi！stopaminute，willyou？\"heshoutscheerily。\"I\'vedroppedmyhatover-board。\"
Then：\"Hi！Tom-Dick！can\'tyouhear？\"notquitesoaffablythistime。
Then：\"Hi！ConfoundYOU，youdunder-headedidiots！Hi！stop！Ohyou-！\"
Afterthathespringsup，anddancesabout，androarshimselfredintheface，andcurseseverythingheknows。Andthesmallboysonthebankstopandjeerathim，andpitchstonesathimasheispulledalongpastthem，attherateoffourmilesanhour，andcan\'tgetout。
Muchofthissortoftroublewouldbesavedifthosewhoaretowingwouldkeeprememberingthattheyaretowing，andgiveaprettyfrequentlookroundtoseehowtheirmanisgettingon。Itisbesttoletonepersontow。Whentwoaredoingit，theygetchattering，andforget，andtheboatitself，offering，asitdoes，butlittleresistance，isofnorealserviceinremindingthemofthefact。
Asanexampleofhowutterlyobliviousapairoftowerscanbetotheirwork，Georgetoldus，lateronintheevening，whenwewerediscussingthesubjectaftersupper，ofaverycuriousinstance。
Heandthreeothermen，sohesaid，werescullingaveryheavilyladenboatupfromMaidenheadoneevening，andalittleaboveCookhamlocktheynoticedafellowandagirl，walkingalongthetowpath，bothdeepinanapparentlyinterestingandabsorbingconversation。Theywerecarryingaboat-hookbetweenthem，and，attachedtotheboat-hookwasatow-line，whichtrailedbehindthem，itsendinthewater。Noboatwasnear，noboatwasinsight。Theremusthavebeenaboatattachedtothattow-lineatsometimeorother，thatwascertain；butwhathadbecomeofit，whatghastlyfatehadovertakenit，andthosewhohadbeenleftinit，wasburiedinmystery。Whatevertheaccidentmayhavebeen，however，ithadinnowaydisturbedtheyoungladyandgentleman，whoweretowing。Theyhadtheboat-hookandtheyhadtheline，andthatseemedtobeallthattheythoughtnecessarytotheirwork。
Georgewasabouttocalloutandwakethemup，but，atthatmoment，abrightideaflashedacrosshim，andhedidn\'t。Hegotthehitcherinstead，andreachedover，anddrewintheendofthetow-line；andtheymadealoopinit，andputitovertheirmast，andthentheytidiedupthesculls，andwentandsatdowninthestern，andlittheirpipes。
AndthatyoungmanandyoungwomantowedthosefourhulkingchapsandaheavyboatuptoMarlow。
Georgesaidheneversawsomuchthoughtfulsadnessconcentratedintooneglancebefore，aswhen，atthelock，thatyoungcouplegraspedtheideathat，forthelasttwomiles，theyhadbeentowingthewrongboat。
Georgefanciedthat，ifithadnotbeenfortherestraininginfluenceofthesweetwomanathisside，theyoungmanmighthavegivenwaytoviolentlanguage。
Themaidenwasthefirsttorecoverfromhersurprise，and，whenshedid，sheclaspedherhands，andsaid，wildly：
\"Oh，Henry，thenWHEREisauntie？\"
\"Didtheyeverrecovertheoldlady？\"askedHarris。
Georgerepliedhedidnotknow。
AnotherexampleofthedangerouswantofsympathybetweentowerandtowedwaswitnessedbyGeorgeandmyselfonceupnearWalton。Itwaswherethetow-pathshelvesgentlydownintothewater，andwewerecampingontheoppositebank，noticingthingsingeneral。By-and-byasmallboatcameinsight，towedthroughthewateratatremendouspacebyapowerfulbargehorse，onwhichsataverysmallboy。Scatteredabouttheboat，indreamyandreposefulattitudes，layfivefellows，themanwhowassteeringhavingaparticularlyrestfulappearance。
\"Ishouldliketoseehimpullthewrongline，\"murmuredGeorge，astheypassed。Andatthatprecisemomentthemandidit，andtheboatrushedupthebankwithanoiseliketherippingupoffortythousandlinensheets。Twomen，ahamper，andthreeoarsimmediatelylefttheboatonthelarboardside，andreclinedonthebank，andoneandahalfmomentsafterwards，twoothermendisembarkedfromthestarboard，andsatdownamongboat-hooksandsailsandcarpet-bagsandbottles。Thelastmanwentontwentyyardsfurther，andthengotoutonhishead。
Thisseemedtosortoflightentheboat，anditwentonmucheasier，thesmallboyshoutingatthetopofhisvoice，andurginghissteedintoagallop。Thefellowssatupandstaredatoneanother。Itwassomesecondsbeforetheyrealisedwhathadhappenedtothem，but，whentheydid，theybegantoshoutlustilyfortheboytostop。He，however，wastoomuchoccupiedwiththehorsetohearthem，andwewatchedthem，flyingafterhim，untilthedistancehidthemfromview。
IcannotsayIwassorryattheirmishap。Indeed，Ionlywishthatalltheyoungfoolswhohavetheirboatstowedinthisfashion-andplentydo-couldmeetwithsimilarmisfortunes。Besidestherisktheyrunthemselves，theybecomeadangerandanannoyancetoeveryotherboattheypass。Goingatthepacetheydo，itisimpossibleforthemtogetoutofanybodyelse\'sway，orforanybodyelsetogetoutoftheirs。
Theirlinegetshitchedacrossyourmast，andoverturnsyou，oritcatchessomebodyintheboat，andeitherthrowsthemintothewater，orcutstheirfaceopen。Thebestplanistostandyourground，andbepreparedtokeepthemoffwiththebutt-endofamast。
Ofallexperiencesinconnectionwithtowing，themostexcitingisbeingtowedbygirls。Itisasensationthatnobodyoughttomiss。Ittakesthreegirlstotowalways；twoholdtherope，andtheotheronerunsroundandround，andgiggles。Theygenerallybeginbygettingthemselvestiedup。Theygetthelineroundtheirlegs，andhavetositdownonthepathandundoeachother，andthentheytwistitroundtheirnecks，andarenearlystrangled。Theyfixitstraight，however，atlast，andstartoffatarun，pullingtheboatalongatquiteadangerouspace。Attheendofahundredyardstheyarenaturallybreathless，andsuddenlystop，andallsitdownonthegrassandlaugh，andyourboatdriftsouttomid-
streamandturnsround，beforeyouknowwhathashappened，orcangetholdofascull。Thentheystandup，andaresurprised。
\"Oh，look！\"theysay；\"he\'sgonerightoutintothemiddle。\"
Theypullonprettysteadilyforabit，afterthis，andthenitallatonceoccurstooneofthemthatshewillpinupherfrock，andtheyeaseupforthepurpose，andtheboatrunsaground。
Youjumpup，andpushitoff，andyoushouttothemnottostop。
\"Yes。What\'sthematter？\"theyshoutback。
\"Don\'tstop，\"youroar。
\"Don\'twhat？\"
\"Don\'tstop-goon-goon！\"
\"Goback，Emily，andseewhatitistheywant，\"saysone；andEmilycomesback，andaskswhatitis。
\"Whatdoyouwant？\"shesays；\"anythinghappened？\"
\"No，\"youreply，\"it\'sallright；onlygoon，youknow-don\'tstop。\"
\"Whynot？\"
\"Why，wecan\'tsteer，ifyoukeepstopping。Youmustkeepsomewayontheboat。\"
\"Keepsomewhat？\"
\"Someway-youmustkeeptheboatmoving。\"
\"Oh，allright，I\'lltell`em。Arewedoingitallright？\"
\"Oh，yes，verynicely，indeed，onlydon\'tstop。\"
\"Itdoesn\'tseemdifficultatall。Ithoughtitwassohard。\"
\"Oh，no，it\'ssimpleenough。Youwanttokeeponsteadyatit，that\'sall。\"
\"Isee。Givemeoutmyredshawl，it\'sunderthecushion。\"
Youfindtheshawl，andhanditout，andbythistimeanotheronehascomebackandthinksshewillhaveherstoo，andtheytakeMary\'sonchance，andMarydoesnotwantit，sotheybringitbackandhaveapocket-combinstead。Itisabouttwentyminutesbeforetheygetoffagain，and，atthenextcorner，theyseeacow，andyouhavetoleavetheboattochivythecowoutoftheirway。
Thereisneveradullmomentintheboatwhilegirlsaretowingit。
Georgegotthelinerightafterawhile，andtowedussteadilyontoPentonHook。Therewediscussedtheimportantquestionofcamping。Wehaddecidedtosleeponboardthatnight，andwehadeithertolayupjustaboutthere，orgoonpastStaines。Itseemedearlytothinkaboutshuttingupthen，however，withthesunstillintheheavens，andwesettledtopushstraightonforRunnymead，threeandahalfmilesfurther，aquietwoodedpartoftheriver，andwherethereisgoodshelter。
Weallwished，however，afterwardthatwehadstoppedatPentonHook。
Threeorfourmilesupstreamisatrifle，earlyinthemorning，butitisawearypullattheendofalongday。Youtakenointerestinthesceneryduringtheselastfewmiles。Youdonotchatandlaugh。Everyhalf-mileyoucoverseemsliketwo。Youcanhardlybelieveyouareonlywhereyouare，andyouareconvincedthatthemapmustbewrong；and，whenyouhavetrudgedalongforwhatseemstoyouatleasttenmiles，andstillthelockisnotinsight，youbegintoseriouslyfearthatsomebodymusthavesneakedit，andrunoffwithit。
Irememberbeingterriblyupsetonceuptheriver（inafigurativesense，Imean）。Iwasoutwithayounglady-cousinonmymother\'sside-andwewerepullingdowntoGoring。Itwasratherlate，andwewereanxioustogetin-atleastSHEwasanxioustogetin。Itwashalf-pastsixwhenwereachedBenson\'slock，andduskwasdrawingon，andshebegantogetexcitedthen。Shesaidshemustbeintosupper。IsaiditwasathingIfeltIwantedtobeinat，too；andIdrewoutamapIhadwithmetoseeexactlyhowfaritwas。Isawitwasjustamileandahalftothenextlock-Wallingford-andfiveonfromtheretoCleeve。
\"Oh，it\'sallright！\"Isaid。\"We\'llbethroughthenextlockbeforeseven，andthenthereisonlyonemore；\"andIsettleddownandpulledsteadilyaway。
Wepassedthebridge，andsoonafterthatIaskedifshesawthelock。
Shesaidno，shedidnotseeanylock；andIsaid，\"Oh！\"andpulledon。
Anotherfiveminuteswentby，andthenIaskedhertolookagain。
\"No，\"shesaid；\"Ican\'tseeanysignsofalock。\"
\"You-youaresureyouknowalock，whenyoudoseeone？\"Iaskedhesitatingly，notwishingtooffendher。
Thequestiondidoffendher，however，andshesuggestedthatIhadbetterlookformyself；soIlaiddownthesculls，andtookaview。Theriverstretchedoutstraightbeforeusinthetwilightforaboutamile；notaghostofalockwastobeseen。
\"Youdon\'tthinkwehavelostourway，doyou？\"askedmycompanion。
Ididnotseehowthatwaspossible；though，asIsuggested，wemighthavesomehowgotintotheweirstream，andbemakingforthefalls。
Thisideadidnotcomfortherintheleast，andshebegantocry。Shesaidweshouldbothbedrowned，andthatitwasajudgmentonherforcomingoutwithme。
Itseemedanexcessivepunishment，Ithought；butmycousinthoughtnot，andhopeditwouldallsoonbeover。
Itriedtoreassureher，andtomakelightofthewholeaffair。IsaidthatthefactevidentlywasthatIwasnotrowingasfastasIfanciedI
was，butthatweshouldsoonreachthelocknow；andIpulledonforanothermile。
ThenIbegantogetnervousmyself。Ilookedagainatthemap。TherewasWallingfordlock，clearlymarked，amileandahalfbelowBenson\'s。
Itwasagood，reliablemap；and，besides，Irecollectedthelockmyself。
Ihadbeenthroughittwice。Wherewerewe？Whathadhappenedtous？I
begantothinkitmustbealladream，andthatIwasreallyasleepinbed，andshouldwakeupinaminute，andbetolditwaspastten。
Iaskedmycousinifshethoughtitcouldbeadream，andsherepliedthatshewasjustabouttoaskmethesamequestion；andthenwebothwonderedifwewerebothasleep，andifso，whowastherealonethatwasdreaming，andwhowastheonethatwasonlyadream；itgotquiteinteresting。
Istillwentonpulling，however，andstillnolockcameinsight，andtherivergrewmoreandmoregloomyandmysteriousunderthegatheringshadowsofnight，andthingsseemedtobegettingweirdanduncanny。I
thoughtofhobgoblinsandbanshees，andwill-o\'-the-wisps，andthosewickedgirlswhositupallnightonrocks，andlurepeopleintowhirl-
poolsandthings；andIwishedIhadbeenabetterman，andknewmorehymns；andinthemiddleofthesereflectionsIheardtheblessedstrainsof\"He\'sgot`emon，\"played，badly，onaconcertina，andknewthatweweresaved。
Idonotadmirethetonesofaconcertina，asarule；but，oh！howbeautifulthemusicseemedtousboththen-far，farmorebeautifulthanthevoiceofOrpheusortheluteofApollo，oranythingofthatsortcouldhavesounded。Heavenlymelody，inourthenstateofmind，wouldonlyhavestillfurtherharrowedus。Asoul-movingharmony，correctlyperformed，weshouldhavetakenasaspirit-warning，andhavegivenupallhope。Butaboutthestrainsof\"He\'sgot`emon，\"jerkedspasmodically，andwithinvoluntaryvariations，outofawheezyaccordion，therewassomethingsingularlyhumanandreassuring。
Thesweetsoundsdrewnearer，andsoontheboatfromwhichtheywereworkedlayalongsideus。
Itcontainedapartyofprovincial`Arrysand`Arriets，outforamoonlightsail。（Therewasnotanymoon，butthatwasnottheirfault。）
Ineversawmoreattractive，lovablepeopleinallmylife。Ihailedthem，andaskediftheycouldtellmethewaytoWallingfordlock；andI
explainedthatIhadbeenlookingforitforthelasttwohours。
\"Wallingfordlock！\"theyanswered。\"Lor\'loveyou，sir，that\'sbeendoneawaywithforoverayear。Thereain\'tnoWallingfordlocknow，sir。
You\'reclosetoCleevenow。Blowmetightif`ereain\'tagentlemanbeenlookingforWallingfordlock，Bill！\"
Ihadneverthoughtofthat。Iwantedtofalluponalltheirnecksandblessthem；butthestreamwasrunningtoostrongjusttheretoallowofthis，soIhadtocontentmyselfwithmerecold-soundingwordsofgratitude。
Wethankedthemoverandoveragain，andwesaiditwasalovelynight，andwewishedthemapleasanttrip，and，Ithink，Iinvitedthemalltocomeandspendaweekwithme，andmycousinsaidhermotherwouldbesopleasedtoseethem。Andwesangthesoldiers\'chorusoutofFAUST，andgothomeintimeforsupper，afterall。
CHAPTERX。
OURFIRSTNIGHT-UNDERCANVAS-ANAPPEALFORHELP-CONTRARINESSOF
TEA-KETTLES，HOWTOOVERCOME-SUPPER-HOWTOFEELVIRTUOUS-WANTED！
ACOMFORTABLY-APPOINTED，WELL-DRAINEDDESERTISLAND，NEIGHBOURHOODOF
SOUTHPACIFICOCEANPREFERRED-FUNNYTHINGTHATHAPPENEDTOGEORGE\'S
FATHER-ARESTLESSNIGHT。
HARRISandIbegantothinkthatBellWeirlockmusthavebeendoneawaywithafterthesamemanner。GeorgehadtowedusuptoStaines，andwehadtakentheboatfromthere，anditseemedthatweweredraggingfiftytonsafterus，andwerewalkingfortymiles。Itwashalf-pastsevenwhenwewerethrough，andweallgotin，andsculledupclosetotheleftbank，lookingoutforaspottohaulupin。
WehadoriginallyintendedtogoontoMagnaChartaIsland，asweetlyprettypartoftheriver，whereitwindsthroughasoft，greenvalley，andtocampinoneofthemanypicturesqueinletstobefoundroundthattinyshore。But，somehow，wedidnotfeelthatweyearnedforthepicturesquenearlysomuchnowaswehadearlierintheday。Abitofwaterbetweenacoal-bargeandagas-workswouldhavequitesatisfiedusforthatnight。Wedidnotwantscenery。Wewantedtohaveoursupperandgotobed。However，wedidpulluptothepoint-\"PicnicPoint，\"itiscalled-anddroppedintoaverypleasantnookunderagreatelm-tree，tothespreadingrootsofwhichwefastenedtheboat。
Thenwethoughtweweregoingtohavesupper（wehaddispensedwithtea，soastosavetime），butGeorgesaidno；thatwehadbettergetthecanvasupfirst，beforeitgotquitedark，andwhilewecouldseewhatweweredoing。Then，hesaid，allourworkwouldbedone，andwecouldsitdowntoeatwithaneasymind。
ThatcanvaswantedmoreputtingupthanIthinkanyofushadbargainedfor。Itlookedsosimpleintheabstract。Youtookfiveironarches，likegiganticcroquethoops，andfittedthemupovertheboat，andthenstretchedthecanvasoverthem，andfasteneditdown：itwouldtakequitetenminutes，wethought。
Thatwasanunder-estimate。
Wetookupthehoops，andbegantodropthemintothesocketsplacedforthem。Youwouldnotimaginethistobedangerouswork；but，lookingbacknow，thewondertomeisthatanyofusarealivetotellthetale。Theywerenothoops，theyweredemons。Firsttheywouldnotfitintotheirsocketsatall，andwehadtojumponthem，andkickthem，andhammeratthemwiththeboat-hook；and，whentheywerein，itturnedoutthattheywerethewronghoopsforthoseparticularsockets，andtheyhadtocomeoutagain。
Buttheywouldnotcomeout，untiltwoofushadgoneandstruggledwiththemforfiveminutes，whentheywouldjumpupsuddenly，andtryandthrowusintothewateranddrownus。Theyhadhingesinthemiddle，and，whenwewerenotlooking，theynippeduswiththesehingesindelicatepartsofthebody；and，whilewewerewrestlingwithonesideofthehoop，andendeavouringtopersuadeittodoitsduty，theothersidewouldcomebehindusinacowardlymanner，andhitusoverthehead。
Wegotthemfixedatlast，andthenallthatwastobedonewastoarrangethecoveringoverthem。Georgeunrolledit，andfastenedoneendoverthenoseoftheboat。HarrisstoodinthemiddletotakeitfromGeorgeandrollitontome，andIkeptbythesterntoreceiveit。Itwasalongtimecomingdowntome。Georgedidhispartallright，butitwasnewworktoHarris，andhebungledit。
HowhemanageditIdonotknow，hecouldnotexplainhimself；butbysomemysteriousprocessorotherhesucceeded，aftertenminutesofsuperhumaneffort，ingettinghimselfcompletelyrolledupinit。Hewassofirmlywrappedroundandtuckedinandfoldedover，thathecouldnotgetout。He，ofcourse，madefranticstrugglesforfreedom-thebirthrightofeveryEnglishman，-and，indoingso（Ilearnedthisafterwards），knockedoverGeorge；andthenGeorge，swearingatHarris，begantostruggletoo，andgothimselfentangledandrolledup。
Iknewnothingaboutallthisatthetime。Ididnotunderstandthebusinessatallmyself。IhadbeentoldtostandwhereIwas，andwaittillthecanvascametome，andMontmorencyandIstoodthereandwaited，bothasgoodasgold。Wecouldseethecanvasbeingviolentlyjerkedandtossedabout，prettyconsiderably；butwesupposedthiswaspartofthemethod，anddidnotinterfere。
Wealsoheardmuchsmotheredlanguagecomingfromunderneathit，andweguessedthattheywerefindingthejobrathertroublesome，andconcludedthatwewouldwaituntilthingshadgotalittlesimplerbeforewejoinedin。
Wewaitedsometime，butmattersseemedtogetonlymoreandmoreinvolved，until，atlast，George\'sheadcamewrigglingoutoverthesideoftheboat，andspokeup。
Itsaid：
\"Giveusahandhere，can\'tyou，youcuckoo；standingtherelikeastuffedmummy，whenyouseewearebothbeingsuffocated，youdummy！\"
Inevercouldwithstandanappealforhelp，soIwentandundidthem；notbeforeitwastime，either，forHarriswasnearlyblackintheface。
Ittookushalfanhour\'shardlabour，afterthat，beforeitwasproperlyup，andthenweclearedthedecks，andgotoutsupper。Weputthekettleontoboil，upinthenoseoftheboat，andwentdowntothesternandpretendedtotakenonoticeofit，butsettoworktogettheotherthingsout。
Thatistheonlywaytogetakettletoboiluptheriver。Ifitseesthatyouarewaitingforitandareanxious，itwillneverevensing。