\"Itoccurredtome，\"themajorwouldbegin——hewasalwaysceremonious——
\"thatperhapsyoumighthavefoundyourdutiesatthe——atyourplaceofoccupation——sufficientlyarduoustoenableyou，Mr。Hargraves，toappreciatewhatthepoetmightwellhavehadinhismindwhenhewrote，’tiredNature’ssweetrestorer，’——oneofourSouthernjuleps。\"
ItwasafascinationtoHargravestowatchhimmakeit。Hetookrankamongartistswhenhebegan，andhenevervariedtheprocess。Withwhatdelicacyhebruisedthemint；withwhatexquisitenicetyheestimatedtheingredients；withwhatsolicitouscarehecappedthecompoundwiththescarletfruitglowingagainstthedarkgreenfringe！Andthenthehospitalityandgracewithwhichheofferedit，aftertheselectedoatstrawshadbeenplungedintoitstinklingdepths！
AfteraboutfourmonthsinWashington，MissLydiadiscoveredonemorningthattheywerealmostwithoutmoney。The\"AnecdotesandReminiscences\"
wascompleted，butpublishershadnotjumpedatthecollectedgemsofAlabamasenseandwit。TherentalofasmallhousewhichtheystillownedinMobilewastwomonthsinarrears。Theirboardmoneyforthemonthwouldbedueinthreedays。MissLydiacalledherfathertoaconsultation。
\"Nomoney？\"saidhewithasurprisedlook。\"Itisquiteannoyingtobecalledonsofrequentlyforthesepettysums。Really，I——\"
Themajorsearchedhispockets。Hefoundonlyatwo-dollarbill，whichhereturnedtohisvestpocket。
\"Imustattendtothisatonce，Lydia，\"hesaid。\"KindlygetmemyumbrellaandIwillgodowntownimmediately。Thecongressmanfromourdistrict，GeneralFulghum，assuredmesomedaysagothathewouldusehisinfluencetogetmybookpublishedatanearlydate。Iwillgotohishotelatonceandseewhatarrangementhasbeenmade。\"
WithasadlittlesmileMissLydiawatchedhimbuttonhis\"FatherHubbard\"
anddepart，pausingatthedoor，ashealwaysdid，tobowprofoundly。
Thatevening，atdark，hereturned。ItseemedthatCongressmanFulghumhadseenthepublisherwhohadthemajor’smanuscriptforreading。Thatpersonhadsaidthatiftheanecdotes，etc。，werecarefullypruneddownaboutonehalf，inordertoeliminatethesectionalandclassprejudicewithwhichthebookwasdyedfromendtoend，hemightconsideritspublication。
Themajorwasinawhiteheatofanger，butregainedhisequanimity，accordingtohiscodeofmanners，assoonashewasinMissLydia’spresence。
\"Wemusthavemoney，\"saidMissLydia，withalittlewrinkleabovehernose。\"Givemethetwodollars，andIwilltelegraphtoUncleRalphforsometo-night。\"
Themajordrewasmallenvelopefromhisuppervestpocketandtosseditonthetable。
\"Perhapsitwasinjudicious，\"hesaidmildly，\"butthesumwassomerelynominalthatIboughtticketstothetheatreto-night。It’sanewwardrama，Lydia。IthoughtyouwouldbepleasedtowitnessitsfirstproductioninWashington。IamtoldthattheSouthhasveryfairtreatmentintheplay。IconfessIshouldliketoseetheperformancemyself。\"
MissLydiathrewupherhandsinsilentdespair。
Still，astheticketswerebought，theymightaswellbeused。Sothatevening，astheysatinthetheatrelisteningtothelivelyoverture，evenMissLydiawasmindedtorelegatetheirtroubles，forthehour，tosecondplace。Themajor，inspotlesslinen，withhisextraordinarycoatshowingonlywhereitwascloselybuttoned，andhiswhitehairsmoothlyroached，lookedreallyfineanddistinguished。Thecurtainwentuponthefirstactof\"AMagnoliaFlower，\"revealingatypicalSouthernplantationscene。MajorTalbotbetrayedsomeinterest。
\"Oh，see！\"exclaimedMissLydia，nudginghisarm，andpointingtoherprogramme。
Themajorputonhisglassesandreadthelineinthecastofcharactersthatherfingerindicated。
Col。WebsterCalhoun……H。HopkinsHargraves。
\"It’sourMr。Hargraves，\"saidMissLydia。\"Itmustbehisfirstappearanceinwhathecalls’thelegitimate。’I’msogladforhim。\"
NotuntilthesecondactdidCol。WebsterCalhounappearuponthestage。
WhenhemadehisentryMajorTalbotgaveanaudiblesniff，glaredathim，andseemedtofreezesolid。MissLydiautteredalittle，ambiguoussqueakandcrumpledherprogrammeinherhand。ForColonelCalhounwasmadeupasnearlyresemblingMajorTalbotasonepeadoesanother。Thelong，thinwhitehair，curlyattheends，thearistocraticbeakofanose，thecrumpled，wide，ravellingshirtfront，thestringtie，withthebownearlyunderoneear，werealmostexactlyduplicated。Andthen，toclinchtheimitation，heworethetwintothemajor’ssupposedtobeunparalleledcoat。High-collared，baggy，empire-waisted，ample-skirted，hangingafootlowerinfrontthanbehind，thegarmentcouldhavebeendesignedfromnootherpattern。Fromthenon，themajorandMissLydiasatbewitched，andsawthecounterfeitpresentmentofahaughtyTalbot\"dragged，\"asthemajorafterwardexpressedit，\"throughtheslanderousmireofacorruptstage。\"
Mr。Hargraveshadusedhisopportunitieswell。Hehadcaughtthemajor’slittleidiosyncrasiesofspeech，accent，andintonationandhispompouscourtlinesstoperfection——exaggeratingalltothepurposesofthestage。Whenheperformedthatmarvellousbowthatthemajorfondlyimaginedtobethepinkofallsalutations，theaudiencesentforthasuddenroundofheartyapplause。
MissLydiasatimmovable，notdaringtoglancetowardherfather。
Sometimesherhandnexttohimwouldbelaidagainsthercheek，asiftoconcealthesmilewhich，inspiteofherdisapproval，shecouldnotentirelysuppress。
TheculminationofHargraves’saudaciousimitationtookplaceinthethirdact。ThesceneiswhereColonelCalhounentertainsafewoftheneighbouringplantersinhis\"den。\"
Standingatatableinthecentreofthestage，withhisfriendsgroupedabouthim，hedeliversthatinimitable，rambling，charactermonologuesofamousin\"AMagnoliaFlower，\"atthesametimethathedeftlymakesjulepsfortheparty。
MajorTalbot，sittingquietly，butwhitewithindignation，heardhisbeststoriesretold，hispettheoriesandhobbiesadvancedandexpanded，andthedreamofthe\"AnecdotesandReminiscences\"served，exaggeratedandgarbled。Hisfavouritenarrative——thatofhisduelwithRathboneCulbertson——wasnotomitted，anditwasdeliveredwithmorefire，egotism，andgustothanthemajorhimselfputintoit。
Themonologueconcludedwithaquaint，delicious，wittylittlelectureontheartofconcoctingajulep，illustratedbytheact。HereMajorTalbot’sdelicatebutshowysciencewasreproducedtoahair’sbreadth——
fromhisdaintyhandlingofthefragrantweed——\"theone-thousandthpartofagraintoomuchpressure，gentlemen，andyouextractthebitterness，insteadofthearoma，ofthisheaven-bestowedplant\"——tohissolicitousselectionoftheoatenstraws。
Atthecloseofthescenetheaudienceraisedatumultuousroarofappreciation。Theportrayalofthetypewassoexact，sosureandthorough，thattheleadingcharactersintheplaywereforgotten。Afterrepeatedcalls，Hargravescamebeforethecurtainandbowed，hisratherboyishfacebrightandflushedwiththeknowledgeofsuccess。
AtlastMissLydiaturnedandlookedatthemajor。Histhinnostrilswereworkinglikethegillsofafish。Helaidbothshakinghandsuponthearmsofhischairtorise。
\"Wewillgo，Lydia，\"hesaidchokingly。\"Thisisanabominable——
desecration。\"
Beforehecouldrise，shepulledhimbackintohisseat。\"Wewillstayitout，\"shedeclared。\"Doyouwanttoadvertisethecopybyexhibitingtheoriginalcoat？\"Sotheyremainedtotheend。
Hargraves’ssuccessmusthavekepthimuplatethatnight，forneitheratthebreakfastnoratthedinnertabledidheappear。
AboutthreeintheafternoonhetappedatthedoorofMajorTalbot’sstudy。Themajoropenedit，andHargraveswalkedinwithhishandsfullofthemorningpapers——toofullofhistriumphtonoticeanythingunusualinthemajor’sdemeanour。
\"Iputitallover’emlastnight，major，\"hebeganexultantly。\"Ihadmyinning，and，Ithink，scored。Here’swhatthe_Post_says：
Hisconceptionandportrayaloftheold-timeSoutherncolonel，withhisabsurdgrandiloquence，hiseccentricgarb，hisquaintidiomsandphrases，hismoth-eatenprideoffamily，andhisreallykindheart，fastidioussenseofhonour，andlovablesimplicity，isthebestdelineationofacharacterroleontheboardsto-day。ThecoatwornbyColonelCalhounisitselfnothinglessthananevolutionofgenius。Mr。Hargraveshascapturedhispublic。
\"Howdoesthatsound，major，forafirstnighter？\"
\"Ihadthehonour\"——themajor’svoicesoundedominouslyfrigid——\"ofwitnessingyourveryremarkableperformance，sir，lastnight。\"
Hargraveslookeddisconcerted。
\"Youwerethere？Ididn’tknowyouever——Ididn’tknowyoucaredforthetheatre。Oh，Isay，MajorTalbot，\"heexclaimedfrankly，\"don’tyoubeoffended。IadmitIdidgetalotofpointersfromyouthathelpedmeoutwonderfullyinthepart。Butit’satype，youknow——notindividual。Thewaytheaudiencecaughtonshowsthat。HalfthepatronsofthattheatreareSoutherners。Theyrecognizedit。\"
\"Mr。Hargraves，\"saidthemajor，whohadremainedstanding，\"youhaveputuponmeanunpardonableinsult。Youhaveburlesquedmyperson，grosslybetrayedmyconfidence，andmisusedmyhospitality。IfIthoughtyoupossessedthefaintestconceptionofwhatisthesignmanualofagentleman，orwhatisdueone，Iwouldcallyouout，sir，oldasIam。I
willaskyoutoleavetheroom，sir。\"
Theactorappearedtobeslightlybewildered，andseemedhardlytotakeinthefullmeaningoftheoldgentleman’swords。
\"Iamtrulysorryyoutookoffence，\"hesaidregretfully。\"Upherewedon’tlookatthingsjustasyoupeopledo。Iknowmenwhowouldbuyouthalfthehousetohavetheirpersonalityputonthestagesothepublicwouldrecognizeit。\"
\"TheyarenotfromAlabama，sir，\"saidthemajorhaughtily。
\"Perhapsnot。Ihaveaprettygoodmemory，major；letmequoteafewlinesfromyourbook。Inresponsetoatoastatabanquetgivenin——
Milledgeville，Ibelieve——youuttered，andintendtohaveprinted，thesewords：
TheNorthernmanisutterlywithoutsentimentorwarmthexceptinsofarasthefeelingsmaybeturnedtohisowncommercialprofit。Hewillsufferwithoutresentmentanyimputationcastuponthehonourofhimselforhislovedonesthatdoesnotbearwithittheconsequenceofpecuniaryloss。Inhischarity，hegiveswithaliberalhand；butitmustbeheraldedwiththetrumpetandchronicledinbrass。
\"DoyouthinkthatpictureisfairerthantheoneyousawofColonelCalhounlastnight？\"
\"Thedescription，\"saidthemajorfrowning，\"is——notwithoutgrounds。
Someexag——latitudemustbeallowedinpublicspeaking。\"
\"Andinpublicacting，\"repliedHargraves。
\"Thatisnotthepoint，\"persistedthemajor，unrelenting。\"Itwasapersonalcaricature。Ipositivelydeclinetooverlookit，sir。\"
\"MajorTalbot，\"saidHargraves，withawinningsmile，\"Iwishyouwouldunderstandme。IwantyoutoknowthatIneverdreamedofinsultingyou。
Inmyprofession，alllifebelongstome。ItakewhatIwant，andwhatI
can，andreturnitoverthefootlights。Now，ifyouwill，let’sletitgoatthat。Icameintoseeyouaboutsomethingelse。We’vebeenprettygoodfriendsforsomemonths，andI’mgoingtotaketheriskofoffendingyouagain。Iknowyouarehardupformoney——nevermindhowIfoundout；aboardinghouseisnoplacetokeepsuchmatterssecret——andI
wantyoutoletmehelpyououtofthepinch。I’vebeenthereoftenenoughmyself。I’vebeengettingafairsalaryalltheseason，andI’vesavedsomemoney。You’rewelcometoacouplehundred——orevenmore——
untilyouget——\"
\"Stop！\"commandedthemajor，withhisarmoutstretched。\"Itseemsthatmybookdidn’tlie，afterall。Youthinkyourmoneysalvewillhealallthehurtsofhonour。UndernocircumstanceswouldIacceptaloanfromacasualacquaintance；andastoyou，sir，IwouldstarvebeforeIwouldconsideryourinsultingofferofafinancialadjustmentofthecircumstanceswehavediscussed。Ibegtorepeatmyrequestrelativetoyourquittingtheapartment。\"
Hargravestookhisdeparturewithoutanotherword。Healsoleftthehousethesameday，moving，asMrs。Vardemanexplainedatthesuppertable，nearerthevicinityofthedown-towntheatre，where\"AMagnoliaFlower\"
wasbookedforaweek’srun。
CriticalwasthesituationwithMajorTalbotandMissLydia。TherewasnooneinWashingtontowhomthemajor’sscruplesallowedhimtoapplyforaloan。MissLydiawrotealettertoUncleRalph，butitwasdoubtfulwhetherthatrelative’sconstrictedaffairswouldpermithimtofurnishhelp。ThemajorwasforcedtomakeanapologeticaddresstoMrs。Vardemanregardingthedelayedpaymentforboard，referringto\"delinquentrentals\"
and\"delayedremittances\"inaratherconfusedstrain。
Deliverancecamefromanentirelyunexpectedsource。
LateoneafternoonthedoormaidcameupandannouncedanoldcolouredmanwhowantedtoseeMajorTalbot。Themajoraskedthathebesentuptohisstudy。Soonanolddarkeyappearedinthedoorway，withhishatinhand，bowing，andscrapingwithoneclumsyfoot。Hewasquitedecentlydressedinabaggysuitofblack。Hisbig，coarseshoesshonewithametalliclustresuggestiveofstovepolish。Hisbushywoolwasgray——almostwhite。Aftermiddlelife，itisdifficulttoestimatetheageofaNegro。ThisonemighthaveseenasmanyyearsashadMajorTalbot。
\"Ibeboundyoudon’tknowme，Mars’Pendleton，\"werehisfirstwords。
Themajorroseandcameforwardattheold，familiarstyleofaddress。Itwasoneoftheoldplantationdarkeyswithoutadoubt；buttheyhadbeenwidelyscattered，andhecouldnotrecallthevoiceorface。
\"Idon’tbelieveIdo，\"hesaidkindly——\"unlessyouwillassistmymemory。\"
\"Don’tyou’memberCindy’sMose，Mars’Pendleton，what’migrated’mediatelyafterdewar？\"
\"Waitamoment，\"saidthemajor，rubbinghisforeheadwiththetipsofhisfingers。Helovedtorecalleverythingconnectedwiththosebeloveddays。\"Cindy’sMose，\"hereflected。\"Youworkedamongthehorses——
breakingthecolts。Yes，Iremembernow。Afterthesurrender，youtookthenameof——don’tpromptme——Mitchell，andwenttotheWest——toNebraska。\"
\"Yassir，yassir，\"——theoldman’sfacestretchedwithadelightedgrin——
\"dat’shim，dat’sit。Newbraska。Dat’sme——MoseMitchell。OldUncleMoseMitchell，deycallsmenow。Oldmars’，yourpa，gimmeapahofdemmulecoltswhenIlef’furtostahtmegoin’with。You’memberdemcolts，Mars’Pendleton？\"
\"Idon’tseemtorecallthecolts，\"saidthemajor。\"YouknowIwasmarriedthefirstyearofthewarandlivingattheoldFollinsbeeplace。
Butsitdown，sitdown，UncleMose。I’mgladtoseeyou。Ihopeyouhaveprospered。\"
UncleMosetookachairandlaidhishatcarefullyonthefloorbesideit。
\"Yassir；oflateIdonemoutyfamous。WhenIfirstgottoNewbraska，deyfolkscomeallroun’metoseedemmulecolts。Deyain’tseenomuleslikedeminNewbraska。Isolddemmulesforthreehundreddollars。
Yassir——threehundred。
\"DenIopenablacksmithshop，suh，andmadesomemoneyandboughtsomelan’。Meandmyold’omandoneraisedupseb’mchillun，andalldoin’
well’cepttwoof’emwhatdied。Fo’yearagoarailroadcomealongandstahtatownslamag’instmylan’，and，suh，Mars’Pendleton，UncleMoseamworthleb’mthousanddollarsinmoney，property，andlan’。\"
\"I’mgladtohearit，\"saidthemajorheartily。\"Gladtohearit。\"
\"Anddatlittlebabyofyo’n，Mars’Pendleton——onewhatyounameMissLyddy——Ibebounddatlittletaddonegroweduptellnobodywouldn’tknowher。\"
Themajorsteppedtothedoorandcalled：\"Lydia，dear，willyoucome？\"
MissLydia，lookingquitegrownupandalittleworried，cameinfromherroom。
\"Dar，now！What’dItellyou？Iknoweddatbabydonebeplumgrowedup。
Youdon’t’memberUncleMose，child？\"
\"ThisisAuntCindy’sMose，Lydia，\"explainedthemajor。\"HeleftSunnymeadfortheWestwhenyouweretwoyearsold。\"
\"Well，\"saidMissLydia，\"Icanhardlybeexpectedtorememberyou，UncleMose，atthatage。And，asyousay，I’m’plumgrowedup，’andwasablessedlongtimeago。ButI’mgladtoseeyou，evenifIcan’trememberyou。\"
Andshewas。Andsowasthemajor。Somethingaliveandtangiblehadcometolinkthemwiththehappypast。Thethreesatandtalkedovertheoldentimes，themajorandUncleMosecorrectingorpromptingeachotherastheyreviewedtheplantationscenesanddays。
Themajorinquiredwhattheoldmanwasdoingsofarfromhishome。
\"UncleMoseamadelicate，\"heexplained，\"todegrandBaptis’conventionindiscity。Ineverpreachednone，butbein’aresidin’elderindechurch，andablefurtopaymyownexpenses，deysentmealong。\"
\"AndhowdidyouknowwewereinWashington？\"inquiredMissLydia。
\"Dey’saculludmanworksindehotelwharIstops，whatcomesfromMobile。HetoldmeheseenMars’Pendletoncomin’outendishherehouseonemawnin’。
\"WhatIcomefur，\"continuedUncleMose，reachingintohispocket——
\"besidesdesightofhomefolks——wastopayMars’PendletonwhatIoweshim。\"
\"Oweme？\"saidthemajor，insurprise。
\"Yassir——threehundreddollars。\"Hehandedthemajorarollofbills。
\"WhenIlef’oldmars’says：’Takedemmulecolts，Mose，and，ifitbesoyougitsable，payfur’em’。Yassir——demwashiswords。Dewarhaddonelef’oldmars’po’hisself。Oldmars’bein’’longagodead，dedebtdescendstoMars’Pendleton。Threehundreddollars。UncleMoseisplentyabletopaynow。Whendatrailroadbuymylan’Ilaidofftopayfurdemmules。Countdemoney，Mars’Pendleton。Dat’swhatIsolddemmulesfur。Yassir。\"
TearswereinMajorTalbot’seyes。HetookUncleMose’shandandlaidhisotheruponhisshoulder。
\"Dear，faithful，oldservitor，\"hesaidinanunsteadyvoice，\"Idon’tmindsayingtoyouthat’Mars’Pendleton’spenthislastdollarintheworldaweekago。Wewillacceptthismoney，UncleMose，since，inaway，itisasortofpayment，aswellasatokenoftheloyaltyanddevotionoftheoldregime。Lydia，mydear，takethemoney。YouarebetterfittedthanItomanageitsexpenditure。\"
\"Takeit，honey，\"saidUncleMose。\"Hitbelongstoyou。Hit’sTalbotmoney。\"
AfterUncleMosehadgone，MissLydiahadagoodcry——forjoy；andthemajorturnedhisfacetoacorner，andsmokedhisclaypipevolcanically。
ThesucceedingdayssawtheTalbotsrestoredtopeaceandease。MissLydia’sfacelostitsworriedlook。Themajorappearedinanewfrockcoat，inwhichhelookedlikeawaxfigurepersonifyingthememoryofhisgoldenage。Anotherpublisherwhoreadthemanuscriptofthe\"AnecdotesandReminiscences\"thoughtthat，withalittleretouchingandtoningdownofthehighlights，hecouldmakeareallybrightandsalablevolumeofit。Altogether，thesituationwascomfortable，andnotwithoutthetouchofhopethatisoftensweeterthanarrivedblessings。
Oneday，aboutaweekaftertheirpieceofgoodluck，amaidbroughtaletterforMissLydiatoherroom。ThepostmarkshowedthatitwasfromNewYork。Notknowinganyonethere，MissLydia，inamildflutterofwonder，satdownbyhertableandopenedtheletterwithherscissors。
Thiswaswhatsheread：
DearMissTalbot：
Ithoughtyoumightbegladtolearnofmygoodfortune。IhavereceivedandacceptedanofferoftwohundreddollarsperweekbyaNewYorkstockcompanytoplayColonelCalhounin\"AMagnoliaFlower。\"
ThereissomethingelseIwantedyoutoknow。Iguessyou’dbetternottellMajorTalbot。Iwasanxioustomakehimsomeamendsforthegreathelphewastomeinstudyingthepart，andforthebadhumourhewasinaboutit。Herefusedtoletme，soIdiditanyhow。Icouldeasilysparethethreehundred。
Sincerelyyours，H。HopkinsHargraves，P。S。HowdidIplayUncleMose？
MajorTalbot，passingthroughthehall，sawMissLydia’sdooropenandstopped。
\"Anymailforusthismorning，Lydia，dear？\"heasked。
MissLydiaslidtheletterbeneathafoldofherdress。
\"The_MobileChronicle_came，\"shesaidpromptly。\"It’sonthetableinyourstudy。\"
XIVLETMEFEELYOURPULSE
SoIwenttoadoctor。
\"Howlonghasitbeensinceyoutookanyalcoholintoyoursystem？\"heasked。
Turningmyheadsidewise，Ianswered，\"Oh，quiteawhile。\"
Hewasayoungdoctor，somewherebetweentwentyandforty。Heworeheliotropesocks，buthelookedlikeNapoleon。Ilikedhimimmensely。
\"Now，\"saidhe，\"Iamgoingtoshowyoutheeffectofalcoholuponyourcirculation。\"Ithinkitwas\"circulation\"hesaid；thoughitmayhavebeen\"advertising。\"
Hebaredmyleftarmtotheelbow，broughtoutabottleofwhiskey，andgavemeadrink。HebegantolookmorelikeNapoleon。Ibegantolikehimbetter。
Thenheputatightcompressonmyupperarm，stoppedmypulsewithhisfingers，andsqueezedarubberbulbconnectedwithanapparatusonastandthatlookedlikeathermometer。Themercuryjumpedupanddownwithoutseemingtostopanywhere；butthedoctorsaiditregisteredtwohundredandthirty-sevenoronehundredandsixty-fiveorsomesuchnumber。
\"Now，\"saidhe，\"youseewhatalcoholdoestotheblood-pressure。\"
\"It’smarvellous，\"saidI，\"butdoyouthinkitasufficienttest？Haveoneonme，andlet’strytheotherarm。\"But，no！
Thenhegraspedmyhand。IthoughtIwasdoomedandhewassayinggood-bye。Butallhewantedtodowastojabaneedleintotheendofafingerandcomparethereddropwithalotoffifty-centpokerchipsthathehadfastenedtoacard。
\"It’sthehaemoglobintest，\"heexplained。\"Thecolourofyourbloodiswrong。\"
\"Well，\"saidI，\"Iknowitshouldbeblue；butthisisacountryofmix-ups。Someofmyancestorswerecavaliers；buttheygotthickwithsomepeopleonNantucketIsland，so——\"
\"Imean，\"saidthedoctor，\"thattheshadeofredistoolight。\"
\"Oh，\"saidI，\"it’sacaseofmatchinginsteadofmatches。\"
Thedoctorthenpoundedmeseverelyintheregionofthechest。WhenhedidthatIdon’tknowwhetherheremindedmemostofNapoleonorBattlingorLordNelson。Thenhelookedgraveandmentionedastringofgrievancesthatthefleshisheirto——mostlyendingin\"itis。\"Iimmediatelypaidhimfifteendollarsonaccount。
\"Isorareitorsomeoranyofthemnecessarilyfatal？\"Iasked。I
thoughtmyconnectionwiththematterjustifiedmymanifestingacertainamountofinterest。
\"Allofthem，\"heansweredcheerfully。\"Buttheirprogressmaybearrested。Withcareandpropercontinuoustreatmentyoumaylivetobeeighty-fiveorninety。\"
Ibegantothinkofthedoctor’sbill。\"Eighty-fivewouldbesufficient，Iamsure，\"wasmycomment。Ipaidhimtendollarsmoreonaccount。
\"Thefirstthingtodo，\"hesaid，withrenewedanimation，\"istofindasanitariumwhereyouwillgetacompleterestforawhile，andallowyournervestogetintoabettercondition。Imyselfwillgowithyouandselectasuitableone。
Sohetookmetoamad-houseintheCatskills。Itwasonabaremountainfrequentedonlybyinfrequentfrequenters。Youcouldseenothingbutstonesandboulders，somepatchesofsnow，andscatteredpinetrees。Theyoungphysicianinchargewasmostagreeable。Hegavemeastimulantwithoutapplyingacompresstothearm。Itwasluncheontime，andwewereinvitedtopartake。Therewereabouttwentyinmatesatlittletablesinthediningroom。Theyoungphysicianinchargecametoourtableandsaid：\"Itisacustomwithourguestsnottoregardthemselvesaspatients，hutmerelyastiredladiesandgentlementakingarest。
Whateverslightmaladiestheymayhaveareneveralludedtoinconversation。\"
Mydoctorcalledloudlytoawaitresstobringsomephosphoglycerateoflimehash，dog-bread，bromo-seltzerpancakes，andnuxvomicateaformyrepast。Thenasoundaroselikeasuddenwindstormamongpinetrees。Itwasproducedbyeveryguestintheroomwhisperingloudly，\"Neurasthenia！\"
——exceptonemanwithanose，whomIdistinctlyheardsay，\"Chronicalcoholism。\"Ihopetomeethimagain。Thephysicianinchargeturnedandwalkedaway。
Anhourorsoafterluncheonheconductedustotheworkshop——sayfiftyyardsfromthehouse。Thithertheguestshadbeenconductedbythephysicianincharge’sunderstudyandsponge-holder——amanwithfeetandabluesweater。HewassotallthatIwasnotsurehehadaface；huttheArmourPackingCompanywouldhavebeendelightedwithhishands。
\"Here，\"saidthephysicianincharge，\"ourguestsfindrelaxationfrompastmentalworriesbydevotingthemselvestophysicallabour——
recreation，inreality。\"
Therewereturning-lathes，carpenters’outfits，clay-modellingtools，spinning-wheels，weaving-frames，treadmills，bassdrums，enlarged-crayon-portraitapparatuses，blacksmithforges，andeverything，seemingly，thatcouldinterestthepayinglunaticguestsofafirst-ratesanitarium。
\"Theladymakingmudpiesinthecorner，\"whisperedthephysicianincharge，\"isnootherthan——LulaLulington，theauthoressofthenovelentitled’WhyLoveLoves。’Whatsheisdoingnowissimplytoresthermindafterperformingthatpieceofwork。\"
Ihadseenthebook。\"Whydoesn’tshedoitbywritinganotheroneinstead？\"Iasked。
Asyousee，Iwasn’tasfargoneastheythoughtIwas。
\"Thegentlemanpouringwaterthroughthefunnel，\"continuedthephysicianincharge，\"isaWallStreetbrokerbrokendownfromoverwork。\"
Ibuttonedmycoat。
OthershepointedoutwerearchitectsplayingwithNoah’sarks，ministersreadingDarwin’s\"TheoryofEvolution，\"lawyerssawingwood，tired-outsocietyladiestalkingIbsentotheblue-sweateredsponge-holder，aneuroticmillionairelyingasleeponthefloor，andaprominentartistdrawingalittleredwagonaroundtheroom。
\"Youlookprettystrong，\"saidthephysicianinchargetome。\"Ithinkthebestmentalrelaxationforyouwouldbethrowingsmallbouldersoverthemountainsideandthenbringingthemupagain。\"
Iwasahundredyardsawaybeforemydoctorovertookme。
\"What’sthematter？\"heasked。
\"Thematteris，\"saidI，\"thattherearenoaeroplaneshandy。SoIamgoingtomerrilyandhastilyjogthefoot-pathwaytoyonstationandcatchthefirstunlimited-soft-coalexpressbacktotown。\"
\"Well，\"saidthedoctor，\"perhapsyouareright。Thisseemshardlythesuitableplaceforyou。Butwhatyouneedisrest——absoluterestandexercise。\"
ThatnightIwenttoahotelinthecity，andsaidtotheclerk：\"WhatI
needisabsoluterestandexercise。Canyougivemearoomwithoneofthosetallfoldingbedsinit，andarelayofbellboystoworkitupanddownwhileIrest？\"
Theclerkrubbedaspeckoffoneofhisfingernailsandglancedsidewiseatatallmaninawhitehatsittinginthelobby。ThatmancameoverandaskedmepolitelyifIhadseentheshrubberyatthewestentrance。Ihadnot，soheshowedittomeandthenlookedmeover。
\"Ithoughtyouhad’em，\"hesaid，notunkindly，\"butIguessyou’reallright。You’dbettergoseeadoctor，oldman。\"
Aweekafterwardmydoctortestedmybloodpressureagainwithoutthepreliminarystimulant。HelookedtomealittlelesslikeNapoleon。Andhissockswereofashade，oftanthatdidnotappealtome。
\"Whatyouneed，\"hedecided，\"isseaairandcompanionship。\"
\"Wouldamermaid——\"Ibegan；butheslippedonhisprofessionalmanner。
\"Imyself，\"hesaid，\"willtakeyoutotheHotelBonairoffthecoastofLongIslandandseethatyougetingoodshape。Itisaquiet，comfortableresortwhereyouwillsoonrecuperate。\"
TheHotelBonairprovedtobeanine-hundred-roomfashionablehostelryonanislandoffthemainshore。Everybodywhodidnotdressfordinnerwasshovedintoasidedining-roomandgivenonlyaterrapinandchampagnetabled’hote。Thebaywasagreatstampinggroundforwealthyyachtsmen。
TheCorsairanchoredtherethedaywearrived。IsawMr。Morganstandingondeckeatingacheesesandwichandgazinglonginglyatthehotel。
Still，itwasaveryinexpensiveplace。Nobodycouldaffordtopaytheirprices。Whenyouwentawayyousimplyleftyourbaggage，stoleaskiff，andbeatitforthemainlandinthenight。
WhenIhadbeenthereonedayIgotapadofmonogrammedtelegraphblanksattheclerk’sdeskandbegantowiretoallmyfriendsforget-awaymoney。MydoctorandIplayedonegameofcroquetonthegolflinksandwenttosleeponthelawn。
Whenwegotbacktotownathoughtseemedtooccurtohimsuddenly。\"Bytheway，\"heasked，\"howdoyoufeel？\"
\"Relievedofverymuch，\"Ireplied。
Nowaconsultingphysicianisdifferent。Heisn’texactlysurewhetherheistobepaidornot，andthisuncertaintyinsuresyoueitherthemostcarefulorthemostcarelessattention。Mydoctortookmetoseeaconsultingphysician。Hemadeapoorguessandgavemecarefulattention。Ilikedhimimmensely。Heputmethroughsomecoordinationexercises。
\"Haveyouapaininthebackofyourhead？\"heasked。ItoldhimIhadnot。
\"Shutyoureyes，\"heordered，\"putyourfeetclosetogether，andjumpbackwardasfarasyoucan。\"
Ialwayswasagoodbackwardjumperwithmyeyesshut，soIobeyed。Myheadstrucktheedgeofthebathroomdoor，whichhadbeenleftopenandwasonlythreefeetaway。Thedoctorwasverysorry。Hehadoverlookedthefactthatthedoorwasopen。Heclosedit。
\"Nowtouchyournosewithyourrightforefinger，\"hesaid。
\"Whereisit？\"Iasked。
\"Onyourface，\"saidhe。
\"Imeanmyrightforefinger，\"Iexplained。
\"Oh，excuseme，\"saidhe。Hereopenedthebathroomdoor，andItookmyfingeroutofthecrackofit。
AfterIhadperformedthemarvellousdigito-nasalfeatIsaid：
\"Idonotwishtodeceiveyouastosymptoms，Doctor；Ireallyhavesomethinglikeapaininthebackofmyhead。\"Heignoredthesymptomandexaminedmyheartcarefullywithalatest-popular-air-penny-in-the-slotear-trumpet。Ifeltlikeaballad。
\"Now，\"hesaid，\"galloplikeahorseforaboutfiveminutesaroundtheroom。\"
IgavethebestimitationIcouldofadisqualifiedPercheronbeingledoutofMadisonSquareGarden。Then，withoutdroppinginapenny，helistenedtomychestagain。
\"Noglandersinourfamily，Doc，\"Isaid。
Theconsultingphysicianhelduphisforefingerwithinthreeinchesofmynose。\"Lookatmyfinger，\"hecommanded。
\"DidyouevertryPears’——\"Ibegan；buthewentonwithhistestrapidly。
\"Nowlookacrossthebay。Atmyfinger。Acrossthebay。Atmyfinger。
Atmyfinger。Acrossthebay。Acrossthebay。Atmyfinger。Acrossthebay。\"Thisforaboutthreeminutes。
Heexplainedthatthiswasatestoftheactionofthebrain。Itseemedeasytome。Ineveroncemistookhisfingerforthebay。I’llbetthatifhehadusedthephrases：\"Gaze，asitwere，unpreoccupied，outward——
orratherlaterally——inthedirectionofthehorizon，underlaid，sotospeak，withtheadjacentfluidinlet，\"and\"Now，returning——orrather，inamanner，withdrawingyourattention，bestowituponmyupraiseddigit\"
——I’llbet，Isay，thatHenryJameshimselfcouldhavepassedtheexamination。
AfteraskingmeifIhadeverhadagrandunclewithcurvatureofthespineoracousinwithswelledankles，thetwodoctorsretiredtothebathroomandsatontheedgeofthebathtubfortheirconsultation。I
ateanapple，andgazedfirstatmyfingerandthenacrossthebay。
Thedoctorscameoutlookinggrave。More：theylookedtombstonesandTennessee-papers-please-copy。TheywroteoutadietlisttowhichIwastoberestricted。IthadeverythingthatIhadeverheardoftoeatonit，exceptsnails。AndInevereatasnailunlessitovertakesmeandbitesmefirst。
\"Youmustfollowthisdietstrictly，\"saidthedoctors。
\"I’dfollowitamileifIcouldgetone-tenthofwhat’sonit，\"I
answered。
\"Ofnextimportance，\"theywenton，\"isoutdoorairandexercise。Andhereisaprescriptionthatwillbeofgreatbenefittoyou。\"
Thenallofustooksomething。Theytooktheirhats，andItookmydeparture。
Iwenttoadruggistandshowedhimtheprescription。
\"Itwillbe$2。87foranouncebottle，\"hesaid。
\"Willyougivemeapieceofyourwrappingcord？\"saidI。
Imadeaholeintheprescription，ranthecordthroughit，tieditaroundmyneck，andtuckeditinside。Allofushavealittlesuperstition，andminerunstoaconfidenceinamulets。
Ofcoursetherewasnothingthematterwithme，butIwasveryill。I
couldn’twork，sleep，eat，orbowl。TheonlywayIcouldgetanysympathywastogowithoutshavingforfourdays。Eventhensomebodywouldsay：
\"Oldman，youlookashardyasapineknot。BeenupforajauntintheMainewoods，eh？\"
Then，suddenly，IrememberedthatImusthaveoutdoorairandexercise。
SoIwentdownSouthtoJohn’s。Johnisanapproximaterelativebyverdictofapreacherstandingwithalittlebookinhishandsinabowerofchrysanthemumswhileahundredthousandpeoplelookedon。JohnhasacountryhousesevenmilesfromPineville。ItisatanaltitudeandontheBlueRidgeMountainsinastatetoodignifiedtobedraggedintothiscontroversy。Johnismica，whichismorevaluableandclearerthangold。
HemetmeatPineville，andwetookthetrolleycartohishome。Itisabig，neighbourlesscottageonahillsurroundedbyahundredmountains。
Wegotoffathislittleprivatestation，whereJohn’sfamilyandAmaryllismetandgreetedus。Amaryllislookedatmeatrifleanxiously。
Arabbitcameboundingacrossthehillbetweenusandthehouse。Ithrewdownmysuit-caseandpursuedithotfoot。AfterIhadruntwentyyardsandseenitdisappear，Isatdownonthegrassandweptdisconsolately。
\"Ican’tcatcharabbitanymore，\"Isobbed。\"I’mofnofurtheruseintheworld。Imayaswellbedead。\"
\"Oh，whatisit——whatisit，BrotherJohn？\"IheardAmaryllissay。
\"Nervesalittleunstrung，\"saidJohn，inhiscalmway。\"Don’tworry。
Getup，yourabbit-chaser，andcomeontothehousebeforethebiscuitsgetcold。\"Itwasabouttwilight，andthemountainscameupnoblytoMissMurfree’sdescriptionsofthem。
SoonafterdinnerIannouncedthatIbelievedIcouldsleepforayearortwo，includinglegalholidays。SoIwasshowntoaroomasbigandcoolasaflowergarden，wheretherewasabedasbroadasalawn。Soonafterwardtheremainderofthehouseholdretired，andthentherefelluponthelandasilence。
Ihadnotheardasilencebeforeinyears。Itwasabsolute。Iraisedmyselfonmyelbowandlistenedtoit。Sleep！IthoughtthatifIonlycouldhearastartwinkleorabladeofgrasssharpenitselfIcouldcomposemyselftorest。IthoughtoncethatIheardasoundlikethesailofacatboatflappingasitveeredaboutinabreeze，butIdecidedthatitwasprobablyonlyatackinthecarpet。StillIlistened。
Suddenlysomebelatedlittlebirdalighteduponthewindow-sill，and，inwhathenodoubtconsideredsleepytones，enunciatedthenoisegenerallytranslatedas\"cheep！\"
Ileapedintotheair。
\"Hey！what’sthematterdownthere？\"calledJohnfromhisroomabovemine。
\"Oh，nothing，\"Ianswered，\"exceptthatIaccidentallybumpedmyheadagainsttheceiling。\"
ThenextmorningIwentoutontheporchandlookedatthemountains。
Therewereforty-sevenoftheminsight。Ishuddered，wentintothebighallsittingroomofthehouse，selected\"Pancoast’sFamilyPracticeofMedicine\"fromabookcase，andbegantoread。Johncamein，tookthebookawayfromme，andledmeoutside。Hehasafarmofthreehundredacresfurnishedwiththeusualcomplementofbarns，mules，peasantry，andharrowswiththreefrontteethbrokenoff。Ihadseensuchthingsinmychildhood，andmyheartbegantosink。
ThenJohnspokeofalfalfa，andIbrightenedatonce。\"Oh，yes，\"saidI，\"wasn’tsheinthechorusof——let’ssee——\"
\"Green，youknow，\"saidJohn，\"andtender，andyouplowitunderafterthefirstseason。\"
\"Iknow，\"saidI，\"andthegrassgrowsoverher。\"
\"Right，\"saidJohn。\"Youknowsomethingaboutfarming，afterall。\"
\"Iknowsomethingofsomefarmers，\"saidI，\"andasurescythewillmowthemdownsomeday。\"
Onthewaybacktothehouseabeautifulandinexplicablecreaturewalkedacrossourpath。Istoppedirresistiblyfascinated，gazingatit。Johnwaitedpatiently，smokinghiscigarette。Heisamodernfarmer。Aftertenminuteshesaid：\"Areyougoingtostandtherelookingatthatchickenallday？Breakfastisnearlyready。\"
\"Achicken？\"saidI。
\"AWhiteOrpingtonhen，ifyouwanttoparticularize。\"
\"AWhiteOrpingtonhen？\"Irepeated，withintenseinterest。Thefowlwalkedslowlyawaywithgracefuldignity，andIfollowedlikeachildafterthePiedPiper。FiveminutesmorewereallowedmebyJohn，andthenhetookmebythesleeveandconductedmetobreakfast。
AfterIhadbeenthereaweekIbegantogrowalarmed。Iwassleepingandeatingwellandactuallybeginningtoenjoylife。Foramaninmydesperateconditionthatwouldneverdo。SoIsneakeddowntothetrolley-carstation，tookthecarforPineville，andwenttoseeoneofthebestphysiciansintown。BythistimeIknewexactlywhattodowhenIneededmedicaltreatment。Ihungmyhatonthebackofachair，andsaidrapidly：
\"Doctor，Ihavecirrhosisoftheheart，induratedarteries，neurasthenia，neuritis，acuteindigestion，andconvalescence。Iamgoingtoliveonastrictdiet。Ishallalsotakeatepidbathatnightandacoldoneinthemorning。Ishallendeavourtobecheerful，andfixmymindonpleasantsubjects。InthewayofdrugsIintendtotakeaphosphorouspillthreetimesaday，preferablyaftermeals，andatoniccomposedofthetincturesofgentian，cinchona，calisaya，andcardamomcompound。IntoeachteaspoonfulofthisIshallmixtinctureofnuxvomica，beginningwithonedropandincreasingitadropeachdayuntilthemaximumdoseisreached。Ishalldropthiswithamedicine-dropper，whichcanbeprocuredatatriflingcostatanypharmacy。Goodmorning。\"
Itookmyhatandwalkedout。AfterIhadclosedthedoorIrememberedsomethingthatIhadforgottentosay。Iopeneditagain。Thedoctorhadnotmovedfromwherehehadbeensitting，buthegaveaslightlynervousstartwhenhesawmeagain。
\"Iforgottomention，\"saidI，\"thatIshallalsotakeabsoluterestandexercise。
AfterthisconsultationIfeltmuchbetter。ThereestablishinginmymindofthefactthatIwashopelesslyillgavemesomuchsatisfactionthatI
almostbecamegloomyagain。Thereisnothingmorealarmingtoaneurasthenicthantofeelhimselfgrowingwellandcheerful。
Johnlookedaftermecarefully。AfterIhadevincedsomuchinterestinhisWhiteOrpingtonchickenhetriedhisbesttodivertmymind，andwasparticulartolockhishenhouseofnights。Graduallythetonicmountainair，thewholesomefood，andthedailywalksamongthehillssoalleviatedmymaladythatIbecameutterlywretchedanddespondent。Iheardofacountrydoctorwholivedinthemountainsnearby。Iwenttoseehimandtoldhimthewholestory。Hewasagray-beardedmanwithclear，blue，wrinkledeyes，inahome-madesuitofgrayjeans。
InordertosavetimeIdiagnosedmycase，touchedmynosewithmyrightforefinger，struckmyselfbelowthekneetomakemyfootkick，soundedmychest，stuckoutmytongue，andaskedhimthepriceofcemeterylotsinPineville。
Helithispipeandlookedatmeforaboutthreeminutes。\"Brother，\"hesaid，afterawhile，\"youareinamightybadway。There’sachanceforyoutopullthrough，butit’samightyslimone。\"
\"Whatcanitbe？\"Iaskedeagerly。\"Ihavetakenarsenicandgold，phosphorus，exercise，nuxvomica，hydrotherapeuticbaths，rest，excitement，codein，andaromaticspiritsofammonia。Isthereanythingleftinthepharmacopoeia？\"
\"Somewhereinthesemountains，\"saidthedoctor，\"there’saplantgrowing——afloweringplantthat’llcureyou，andit’sabouttheonlythingthatwill。It’sofakindthat’sasoldastheworld；butoflateit’spowerfulscarceandhardtofind。YouandIwillhavetohuntitup。I’mnotengagedinactivepracticenow：I’mgettingalonginyears；butI’lltakeyourcase。You’llhavetocomeeverydayintheafternoonandhelpmehuntforthisplanttillwefindit。Thecitydoctorsmayknowalotaboutnewscientificthings，buttheydon’tknowmuchaboutthecuresthatnaturecarriesaroundinhersaddlebags。\"