Therewassomethingpersonalintheworld，asinaworkofart；
whateveritmeantitmeantviolently。Third，Ithoughtthispurposebeautifulinitsolddesign，inspiteofitsdefects，suchasdragons。Fourth，thattheproperformofthankstoitissomeformofhumilityandrestraint：weshouldthankGodforbeerandBurgundybynotdrinkingtoomuchofthem。Weowed，also，anobediencetowhatevermadeus。Andlast，andstrangest，therehadcomeintomymindavagueandvastimpressionthatinsomewayallgoodwasaremnanttobestoredandheldsacredoutofsomeprimordialruin。ManhadsavedhisgoodasCrusoesavedhisgoods：
hehadsavedthemfromawreck。AllthisIfeltandtheagegavemenoencouragementtofeelit。AndallthistimeIhadnoteventhoughtofChristiantheology。
VTHEFLAGOFTHEWORLD
WhenIwasaboythereweretwocuriousmenrunningaboutwhowerecalledtheoptimistandthepessimist。Iconstantlyusedthewordsmyself，butIcheerfullyconfessthatIneverhadanyveryspecialideaofwhattheymeant。Theonlythingwhichmightbeconsideredevidentwasthattheycouldnotmeanwhattheysaid；
fortheordinaryverbalexplanationwasthattheoptimistthoughtthisworldasgoodasitcouldbe，whilethepessimistthoughtitasbadasitcouldbe。Boththesestatementsbeingobviouslyravingnonsense，onehadtocastaboutforotherexplanations。
Anoptimistcouldnotmeanamanwhothoughteverythingrightandnothingwrong。Forthatismeaningless；itislikecallingeverythingrightandnothingleft。Uponthewhole，Icametotheconclusionthattheoptimistthoughteverythinggoodexceptthepessimist，andthatthepessimistthoughteverythingbad，excepthimself。
Itwouldbeunfairtoomitaltogetherfromthelistthemysteriousbutsuggestivedefinitionsaidtohavebeengivenbyalittlegirl，\"Anoptimistisamanwholooksafteryoureyes，andapessimistisamanwholooksafteryourfeet。\"Iamnotsurethatthisisnotthebestdefinitionofall。Thereisevenasortofallegoricaltruthinit。Fortheremight，perhaps，beaprofitabledistinctiondrawnbetweenthatmoredrearythinkerwhothinksmerelyofourcontactwiththeearthfrommomenttomoment，andthathappierthinkerwhoconsidersratherourprimarypowerofvisionandofchoiceofroad。
Butthisisadeepmistakeinthisalternativeoftheoptimistandthepessimist。Theassumptionofitisthatamancriticisesthisworldasifhewerehouse-hunting，asifhewerebeingshownoveranewsuiteofapartments。Ifamancametothisworldfromsomeotherworldinfullpossessionofhispowershemightdiscusswhethertheadvantageofmidsummerwoodsmadeupforthedisadvantageofmaddogs，justasamanlookingforlodgingsmightbalancethepresenceofatelephoneagainsttheabsenceofaseaview。
Butnomanisinthatposition。Amanbelongstothisworldbeforehebeginstoaskifitisnicetobelongtoit。Hehasfoughtfortheflag，andoftenwonheroicvictoriesfortheflaglongbeforehehaseverenlisted。Toputshortlywhatseemstheessentialmatter，hehasaloyaltylongbeforehehasanyadmiration。
Inthelastchapterithasbeensaidthattheprimaryfeelingthatthisworldisstrangeandyetattractiveisbestexpressedinfairytales。Thereadermay，ifhelikes，putdownthenextstagetothatbellicoseandevenjingoliteraturewhichcommonlycomesnextinthehistoryofaboy。Weallowemuchsoundmoralitytothepennydreadfuls。Whateverthereason，itseemedandstillseemstomethatourattitudetowardslifecanbebetterexpressedintermsofakindofmilitaryloyaltythanintermsofcriticismandapproval。Myacceptanceoftheuniverseisnotoptimism，itismorelikepatriotism。Itisamatterofprimaryloyalty。
Theworldisnotalodging-houseatBrighton，whichwearetoleavebecauseitismiserable。Itisthefortressofourfamily，withtheflagflyingontheturret，andthemoremiserableitisthelessweshouldleaveit。Thepointisnotthatthisworldistoosadtoloveortoogladnottolove；thepointisthatwhenyoudoloveathing，itsgladnessisareasonforlovingit，anditssadnessareasonforlovingitmore。AlloptimisticthoughtsaboutEnglandandallpessimisticthoughtsaboutherarealikereasonsfortheEnglishpatriot。Similarly，optimismandpessimismarealikeargumentsforthecosmicpatriot。
Letussupposeweareconfrontedwithadesperatething——
sayPimlico。IfwethinkwhatisreallybestforPimlicoweshallfindthethreadofthoughtleadstothethroneorthemysticandthearbitrary。ItisnotenoughforamantodisapproveofPimlico：
inthatcasehewillmerelycuthisthroatormovetoChelsea。
Nor，certainly，isitenoughforamantoapproveofPimlico：
forthenitwillremainPimlico，whichwouldbeawful。
TheonlywayoutofitseemstobeforsomebodytolovePimlico：
toloveitwithatranscendentaltieandwithoutanyearthlyreason。
IftherearoseamanwholovedPimlico，thenPimlicowouldriseintoivorytowersandgoldenpinnacles；Pimlicowouldattireherselfasawomandoeswhensheisloved。Fordecorationisnotgiventohidehorriblethings：buttodecoratethingsalreadyadorable。
Amotherdoesnotgiveherchildabluebowbecauseheissouglywithoutit。Aloverdoesnotgiveagirlanecklacetohideherneck。
IfmenlovedPimlicoasmotherslovechildren，arbitrarily，becauseitisTHEIRS，PimlicoinayearortwomightbefairerthanFlorence。
Somereaderswillsaythatthisisamerefantasy。Ianswerthatthisistheactualhistoryofmankind。This，asafact，ishowcitiesdidgrowgreat。Gobacktothedarkestrootsofcivilizationandyouwillfindthemknottedroundsomesacredstoneorencirclingsomesacredwell。Peoplefirstpaidhonourtoaspotandafterwardsgainedgloryforit。MendidnotloveRomebecauseshewasgreat。
Shewasgreatbecausetheyhadlovedher。
Theeighteenth-centurytheoriesofthesocialcontracthavebeenexposedtomuchclumsycriticisminourtime；insofarastheymeantthatthereisatthebackofallhistoricgovernmentanideaofcontentandco-operation，theyweredemonstrablyright。
Buttheyreallywerewrong，insofarastheysuggestedthatmenhadeveraimedatorderorethicsdirectlybyaconsciousexchangeofinterests。Moralitydidnotbeginbyonemansayingtoanother，\"Iwillnothityouifyoudonothitme\"；thereisnotraceofsuchatransaction。ThereISatraceofbothmenhavingsaid，\"Wemustnothiteachotherintheholyplace。\"Theygainedtheirmoralitybyguardingtheirreligion。Theydidnotcultivatecourage。
Theyfoughtfortheshrine，andfoundtheyhadbecomecourageous。
Theydidnotcultivatecleanliness。Theypurifiedthemselvesforthealtar，andfoundthattheywereclean。ThehistoryoftheJewsistheonlyearlydocumentknowntomostEnglishmen，andthefactscanbejudgedsufficientlyfromthat。TheTenCommandmentswhichhavebeenfoundsubstantiallycommontomankindweremerelymilitarycommands；
acodeofregimentalorders，issuedtoprotectacertainarkacrossacertaindesert。Anarchywasevilbecauseitendangeredthesanctity。
AndonlywhentheymadeaholydayforGoddidtheyfindtheyhadmadeaholidayformen。
Ifitbegrantedthatthisprimarydevotiontoaplaceorthingisasourceofcreativeenergy，wecanpassontoaverypeculiarfact。
Letusreiterateforaninstantthattheonlyrightoptimismisasortofuniversalpatriotism。Whatisthematterwiththepessimist？
Ithinkitcanbestatedbysayingthatheisthecosmicanti-patriot。
Andwhatisthematterwiththeanti-patriot？Ithinkitcanbestated，withoutunduebitterness，bysayingthatheisthecandidfriend。
Andwhatisthematterwiththecandidfriend？Therewestriketherockofreallifeandimmutablehumannature。
Iventuretosaythatwhatisbadinthecandidfriendissimplythatheisnotcandid。Heiskeepingsomethingback——
hisowngloomypleasureinsayingunpleasantthings。Hehasasecretdesiretohurt，notmerelytohelp。Thisiscertainly，Ithink，whatmakesacertainsortofanti-patriotirritatingtohealthycitizens。Idonotspeak（ofcourse）oftheanti-patriotismwhichonlyirritatesfeverishstockbrokersandgushingactresses；
thatisonlypatriotismspeakingplainly。AmanwhosaysthatnopatriotshouldattacktheBoerWaruntilitisoverisnotworthansweringintelligently；heissayingthatnogoodsonshouldwarnhismotheroffacliffuntilshehasfallenoverit。
Butthereisananti-patriotwhohonestlyangershonestmen，andtheexplanationofhimis，Ithink，whatIhavesuggested：
heistheuncandidcandidfriend；themanwhosays，\"Iamsorrytosayweareruined，\"andisnotsorryatall。Andhemaybesaid，withoutrhetoric，tobeatraitor；forheisusingthatuglyknowledgewhichwasallowedhimtostrengthenthearmy，todiscouragepeoplefromjoiningit。Becauseheisallowedtobepessimisticasamilitaryadviserheisbeingpessimisticasarecruitingsergeant。
Justinthesamewaythepessimist（whoisthecosmicanti-patriot）
usesthefreedomthatlifeallowstohercounsellorstolureawaythepeoplefromherflag。Grantedthathestatesonlyfacts，itisstillessentialtoknowwhatarehisemotions，whatishismotive。
ItmaybethattwelvehundredmeninTottenhamaredownwithsmallpox；
butwewanttoknowwhetherthisisstatedbysomegreatphilosopherwhowantstocursethegods，oronlybysomecommonclergymanwhowantstohelpthemen。
Theevilofthepessimistis，then，notthathechastisesgodsandmen，butthathedoesnotlovewhathechastises——hehasnotthisprimaryandsupernaturalloyaltytothings。Whatistheevilofthemancommonlycalledanoptimist？Obviously，itisfeltthattheoptimist，wishingtodefendthehonourofthisworld，willdefendtheindefensible。Heisthejingooftheuniverse；
hewillsay，\"Mycosmos，rightorwrong。\"Hewillbelessinclinedtothereformofthings；moreinclinedtoasortoffront-benchofficialanswertoallattacks，soothingeveryonewithassurances。
Hewillnotwashtheworld，butwhitewashtheworld。Allthis（whichistrueofatypeofoptimist）leadsustotheonereallyinterestingpointofpsychology，whichcouldnotbeexplainedwithoutit。
Wesaytheremustbeaprimalloyaltytolife：theonlyquestionis，shallitbeanaturalorasupernaturalloyalty？
Ifyouliketoputitso，shallitbeareasonableoranunreasonableloyalty？Now，theextraordinarythingisthatthebadoptimism（thewhitewashing，theweakdefenceofeverything）
comesinwiththereasonableoptimism。Rationaloptimismleadstostagnation：itisirrationaloptimismthatleadstoreform。
Letmeexplainbyusingoncemoretheparallelofpatriotism。
Themanwhoismostlikelytoruintheplacehelovesisexactlythemanwholovesitwithareason。Themanwhowillimprovetheplaceisthemanwholovesitwithoutareason。IfamanlovessomefeatureofPimlico（whichseemsunlikely），hemayfindhimselfdefendingthatfeatureagainstPimlicoitself。ButifhesimplylovesPimlicoitself，hemaylayitwasteandturnitintotheNewJerusalem。
Idonotdenythatreformmaybeexcessive；Ionlysaythatitisthemysticpatriotwhoreforms。Merejingoself-contentmentiscommonestamongthosewhohavesomepedanticreasonfortheirpatriotism。
TheworstjingoesdonotloveEngland，butatheoryofEngland。
IfweloveEnglandforbeinganempire，wemayoverratethesuccesswithwhichweruletheHindoos。Butifweloveitonlyforbeinganation，wecanfaceallevents：foritwouldbeanationeveniftheHindoosruledus。Thusalsoonlythosewillpermittheirpatriotismtofalsifyhistorywhosepatriotismdependsonhistory。
AmanwholovesEnglandforbeingEnglishwillnotmindhowshearose。
ButamanwholovesEnglandforbeingAnglo-Saxonmaygoagainstallfactsforhisfancy。Hemayend（likeCarlyleandFreeman）
bymaintainingthattheNormanConquestwasaSaxonConquest。
Hemayendinutterunreason——becausehehasareason。AmanwholovesFranceforbeingmilitarywillpalliatethearmyof1870。
ButamanwholovesFranceforbeingFrancewillimprovethearmyof1870。ThisisexactlywhattheFrenchhavedone，andFranceisagoodinstanceoftheworkingparadox。Nowhereelseispatriotismmorepurelyabstractandarbitrary；andnowhereelseisreformmoredrasticandsweeping。Themoretranscendentalisyourpatriotism，themorepracticalareyourpolitics。
Perhapsthemosteverydayinstanceofthispointisinthecaseofwomen；andtheirstrangeandstrongloyalty。Somestupidpeoplestartedtheideathatbecausewomenobviouslybackuptheirownpeoplethrougheverything，thereforewomenareblindanddonotseeanything。Theycanhardlyhaveknownanywomen。Thesamewomenwhoarereadytodefendtheirmenthroughthickandthinare（intheirpersonalintercoursewiththeman）almostmorbidlylucidaboutthethinnessofhisexcusesorthethicknessofhishead。
Aman’sfriendlikeshimbutleaveshimasheis：hiswifeloveshimandisalwaystryingtoturnhimintosomebodyelse。Womenwhoareuttermysticsintheircreedareuttercynicsintheircriticism。
ThackerayexpressedthiswellwhenhemadePendennis’mother，whoworshippedhersonasagod，yetassumethathewouldgowrongasaman。Sheunderratedhisvirtue，thoughsheoverratedhisvalue。
Thedevoteeisentirelyfreetocriticise；thefanaticcansafelybeasceptic。Loveisnotblind；thatisthelastthingthatitis。
Loveisbound；andthemoreitisboundthelessitisblind。
Thisatleasthadcometobemypositionaboutallthatwascalledoptimism，pessimism，andimprovement。Beforeanycosmicactofreformwemusthaveacosmicoathofallegiance。
Amanmustbeinterestedinlife，thenhecouldbedisinterestedinhisviewsofit。\"Mysongivemethyheart\"；theheartmustbefixedontherightthing：themomentwehaveafixedheartwehaveafreehand。Imustpausetoanticipateanobviouscriticism。
Itwillbesaidthatarationalpersonacceptstheworldasmixedofgoodandevilwithadecentsatisfactionandadecentendurance。
ButthisisexactlytheattitudewhichImaintaintobedefective。
Itis，Iknow，verycommoninthisage；itwasperfectlyputinthosequietlinesofMatthewArnoldwhicharemorepiercinglyblasphemousthantheshrieksofSchopenhauer——
\"Enoughwelive：——andifalife，Withlargeresultssolittlerife，Thoughbearable，seemhardlyworthThispompofworlds，thispainofbirth。\"
Iknowthisfeelingfillsourepoch，andIthinkitfreezesourepoch。ForourTitanicpurposesoffaithandrevolution，whatweneedisnotthecoldacceptanceoftheworldasacompromise，butsomewayinwhichwecanheartilyhateandheartilyloveit。
Wedonotwantjoyandangertoneutralizeeachotherandproduceasurlycontentment；wewantafiercerdelightandafiercerdiscontent。
Wehavetofeeltheuniverseatonceasanogre’scastle，tobestormed，andyetasourowncottage，towhichwecanreturnatevening。
Noonedoubtsthatanordinarymancangetonwiththisworld：
butwedemandnotstrengthenoughtogetonwithit，butstrengthenoughtogetiton。Canhehateitenoughtochangeit，andyetloveitenoughtothinkitworthchanging？Canhelookupatitscolossalgoodwithoutoncefeelingacquiescence？
Canhelookupatitscolossalevilwithoutoncefeelingdespair？
Canhe，inshort，beatoncenotonlyapessimistandanoptimist，butafanaticalpessimistandafanaticaloptimist？Isheenoughofapagantodiefortheworld，andenoughofaChristiantodietoit？
Inthiscombination，Imaintain，itistherationaloptimistwhofails，theirrationaloptimistwhosucceeds。Heisreadytosmashthewholeuniverseforthesakeofitself。
Iputthesethingsnotintheirmaturelogicalsequence，butastheycame：andthisviewwasclearedandsharpenedbyanaccidentofthetime。UnderthelengtheningshadowofIbsen，anargumentarosewhetheritwasnotaverynicethingtomurderone’sself。
Gravemodernstoldusthatwemustnotevensay\"poorfellow，\"
ofamanwhohadblownhisbrainsout，sincehewasanenviableperson，andhadonlyblownthemoutbecauseoftheirexceptionalexcellence。
Mr。WilliamArcherevensuggestedthatinthegoldenagetherewouldbepenny-in-the-slotmachines，bywhichamancouldkillhimselfforapenny。InallthisIfoundmyselfutterlyhostiletomanywhocalledthemselvesliberalandhumane。Notonlyissuicideasin，itisthesin。Itistheultimateandabsoluteevil，therefusaltotakeaninterestinexistence；therefusaltotaketheoathofloyaltytolife。Themanwhokillsaman，killsaman。
Themanwhokillshimself，killsallmen；asfarasheisconcernedhewipesouttheworld。Hisactisworse（symbolicallyconsidered）
thananyrapeordynamiteoutrage。Foritdestroysallbuildings：
itinsultsallwomen。Thethiefissatisfiedwithdiamonds；
butthesuicideisnot：thatishiscrime。Hecannotbebribed，evenbytheblazingstonesoftheCelestialCity。Thethiefcomplimentsthethingshesteals，ifnottheownerofthem。
Butthesuicideinsultseverythingonearthbynotstealingit。
Hedefileseveryflowerbyrefusingtoliveforitssake。
Thereisnotatinycreatureinthecosmosatwhomhisdeathisnotasneer。Whenamanhangshimselfonatree，theleavesmightfalloffinangerandthebirdsflyawayinfury：
foreachhasreceivedapersonalaffront。Ofcoursetheremaybepatheticemotionalexcusesfortheact。Thereoftenareforrape，andtherealmostalwaysarefordynamite。Butifitcomestoclearideasandtheintelligentmeaningofthings，thenthereismuchmorerationalandphilosophictruthintheburialatthecross-roadsandthestakedriventhroughthebody，thaninMr。Archer’ssuicidalautomaticmachines。Thereisameaninginburyingthesuicideapart。
Theman’scrimeisdifferentfromothercrimes——foritmakesevencrimesimpossible。
AboutthesametimeIreadasolemnflippancybysomefreethinker：
hesaidthatasuicidewasonlythesameasamartyr。Theopenfallacyofthishelpedtoclearthequestion。Obviouslyasuicideistheoppositeofamartyr。Amartyrisamanwhocaressomuchforsomethingoutsidehim，thatheforgetshisownpersonallife。
Asuicideisamanwhocaressolittleforanythingoutsidehim，thathewantstoseethelastofeverything。Onewantssomethingtobegin：theotherwantseverythingtoend。Inotherwords，themartyrisnoble，exactlybecause（howeverherenouncestheworldorexecratesallhumanity）heconfessesthisultimatelinkwithlife；
hesetshisheartoutsidehimself：hediesthatsomethingmaylive。
Thesuicideisignoblebecausehehasnotthislinkwithbeing：
heisameredestroyer；spiritually，hedestroystheuniverse。
AndthenIrememberedthestakeandthecross-roads，andthequeerfactthatChristianityhadshownthisweirdharshnesstothesuicide。
ForChristianityhadshownawildencouragementofthemartyr。
HistoricChristianitywasaccused，notentirelywithoutreason，ofcarryingmartyrdomandasceticismtoapoint，desolateandpessimistic。TheearlyChristianmartyrstalkedofdeathwithahorriblehappiness。Theyblasphemedthebeautifuldutiesofthebody：theysmeltthegraveafarofflikeafieldofflowers。
Allthishasseemedtomanytheverypoetryofpessimism。YetthereisthestakeatthecrossroadstoshowwhatChristianitythoughtofthepessimist。
ThiswasthefirstofthelongtrainofenigmaswithwhichChristianityenteredthediscussion。AndtherewentwithitapeculiarityofwhichIshallhavetospeakmoremarkedly，asanoteofallChristiannotions，butwhichdistinctlybeganinthisone。
TheChristianattitudetothemartyrandthesuicidewasnotwhatissooftenaffirmedinmodernmorals。Itwasnotamatterofdegree。
Itwasnotthatalinemustbedrawnsomewhere，andthattheself-slayerinexaltationfellwithintheline，theself-slayerinsadnessjustbeyondit。TheChristianfeelingevidentlywasnotmerelythatthesuicidewascarryingmartyrdomtoofar。
TheChristianfeelingwasfuriouslyforoneandfuriouslyagainsttheother：thesetwothingsthatlookedsomuchalikewereatoppositeendsofheavenandhell。Onemanflungawayhislife；
hewassogoodthathisdrybonescouldhealcitiesinpestilence。
Anothermanflungawaylife；hewassobadthathisboneswouldpollutehisbrethren’s。Iamnotsayingthisfiercenesswasright；
butwhywasitsofierce？
HereitwasthatIfirstfoundthatmywanderingfeetwereinsomebeatentrack。Christianityhadalsofeltthisoppositionofthemartyrtothesuicide：haditperhapsfeltitforthesamereason？HadChristianityfeltwhatIfelt，butcouldnot（andcannot）express——thisneedforafirstloyaltytothings，andthenforaruinousreformofthings？ThenIrememberedthatitwasactuallythechargeagainstChristianitythatitcombinedthesetwothingswhichIwaswildlytryingtocombine。
Christianitywasaccused，atoneandthesametime，ofbeingtoooptimisticabouttheuniverseandofbeingtoopessimisticabouttheworld。Thecoincidencemademesuddenlystandstill。
Animbecilehabithasariseninmoderncontroversyofsayingthatsuchandsuchacreedcanbeheldinoneagebutcannotbeheldinanother。Somedogma，wearetold，wascredibleinthetwelfthcentury，butisnotcredibleinthetwentieth。
YoumightaswellsaythatacertainphilosophycanbebelievedonMondays，butcannotbebelievedonTuesdays。Youmightaswellsayofaviewofthecosmosthatitwassuitabletohalf-pastthree，butnotsuitabletohalf-pastfour。Whatamancanbelievedependsuponhisphilosophy，notupontheclockorthecentury。
Ifamanbelievesinunalterablenaturallaw，hecannotbelieveinanymiracleinanyage。Ifamanbelievesinawillbehindlaw，hecanbelieveinanymiracleinanyage。Suppose，forthesakeofargument，weareconcernedwithacaseofthaumaturgichealing。
Amaterialistofthetwelfthcenturycouldnotbelieveitanymorethanamaterialistofthetwentiethcentury。ButaChristianScientistofthetwentiethcenturycanbelieveitasmuchasaChristianofthetwelfthcentury。Itissimplyamatterofaman’stheoryofthings。Thereforeindealingwithanyhistoricalanswer，thepointisnotwhetheritwasgiveninourtime，butwhetheritwasgiveninanswertoourquestion。AndthemoreIthoughtaboutwhenandhowChristianityhadcomeintotheworld，themoreIfeltthatithadactuallycometoanswerthisquestion。
ItiscommonlythelooseandlatitudinarianChristianswhopayquiteindefensiblecomplimentstoChristianity。TheytalkasiftherehadneverbeenanypietyorpityuntilChristianitycame，apointonwhichanymediaevalwouldhavebeeneagertocorrectthem。
TheyrepresentthattheremarkablethingaboutChristianitywasthatitwasthefirsttopreachsimplicityorself-restraint，orinwardnessandsincerity。Theywillthinkmeverynarrow（whateverthatmeans）
ifIsaythattheremarkablethingaboutChristianitywasthatitwasthefirsttopreachChristianity。Itspeculiaritywasthatitwaspeculiar，andsimplicityandsincerityarenotpeculiar，butobviousidealsforallmankind。Christianitywastheanswertoariddle，notthelasttruismutteredafteralongtalk。
OnlytheotherdayIsawinanexcellentweeklypaperofPuritantonethisremark，thatChristianitywhenstrippedofitsarmourofdogma（aswhoshouldspeakofamanstrippedofhisarmourofbones），turnedouttobenothingbuttheQuakerdoctrineoftheInnerLight。
Now，ifIweretosaythatChristianitycameintotheworldspeciallytodestroythedoctrineoftheInnerLight，thatwouldbeanexaggeration。Butitwouldbeverymuchnearertothetruth。
ThelastStoics，likeMarcusAurelius，wereexactlythepeoplewhodidbelieveintheInnerLight。Theirdignity，theirweariness，theirsadexternalcareforothers，theirincurableinternalcareforthemselves，wereallduetotheInnerLight，andexistedonlybythatdismalillumination。NoticethatMarcusAureliusinsists，assuchintrospectivemoralistsalwaysdo，uponsmallthingsdoneorundone；itisbecausehehasnothateorloveenoughtomakeamoralrevolution。Hegetsupearlyinthemorning，justasourownaristocratslivingtheSimpleLifegetupearlyinthemorning；
becausesuchaltruismismucheasierthanstoppingthegamesoftheamphitheatreorgivingtheEnglishpeoplebacktheirland。
MarcusAureliusisthemostintolerableofhumantypes。Heisanunselfishegoist。Anunselfishegoistisamanwhohaspridewithouttheexcuseofpassion。OfallconceivableformsofenlightenmenttheworstiswhatthesepeoplecalltheInnerLight。Ofallhorriblereligionsthemosthorribleistheworshipofthegodwithin。
Anyonewhoknowsanybodyknowshowitwouldwork；anyonewhoknowsanyonefromtheHigherThoughtCentreknowshowitdoeswork。
ThatJonesshallworshipthegodwithinhimturnsoutultimatelytomeanthatJonesshallworshipJones。LetJonesworshipthesunormoon，anythingratherthantheInnerLight；letJonesworshipcatsorcrocodiles，ifhecanfindanyinhisstreet，butnotthegodwithin。Christianitycameintotheworldfirstlyinordertoassertwithviolencethatamanhadnotonlytolookinwards，buttolookoutwards，tobeholdwithastonishmentandenthusiasmadivinecompanyandadivinecaptain。TheonlyfunofbeingaChristianwasthatamanwasnotleftalonewiththeInnerLight，butdefinitelyrecognizedanouterlight，fairasthesun，clearasthemoon，terribleasanarmywithbanners。
Allthesame，itwillbeaswellifJonesdoesnotworshipthesunandmoon。Ifhedoes，thereisatendencyforhimtoimitatethem；
tosay，thatbecausethesunburnsinsectsalive，hemayburninsectsalive。Hethinksthatbecausethesungivespeoplesun-stroke，hemaygivehisneighbourmeasles。Hethinksthatbecausethemoonissaidtodrivemenmad，hemaydrivehiswifemad。Thisuglysideofmereexternaloptimismhadalsoshownitselfintheancientworld。
AboutthetimewhentheStoicidealismhadbeguntoshowtheweaknessesofpessimism，theoldnatureworshipoftheancientshadbeguntoshowtheenormousweaknessesofoptimism。Natureworshipisnaturalenoughwhilethesocietyisyoung，or，inotherwords，PantheismisallrightaslongasitistheworshipofPan。
ButNaturehasanothersidewhichexperienceandsinarenotslowinfindingout，anditisnoflippancytosayofthegodPanthathesoonshowedtheclovenhoof。TheonlyobjectiontoNaturalReligionisthatsomehowitalwaysbecomesunnatural。AmanlovesNatureinthemorningforherinnocenceandamiability，andatnightfall，ifheislovingherstill，itisforherdarknessandhercruelty。
HewashesatdawninclearwaterasdidtheWiseManoftheStoics，yet，somehowatthedarkendoftheday，heisbathinginhotbull’sblood，asdidJuliantheApostate。Themerepursuitofhealthalwaysleadstosomethingunhealthy。Physicalnaturemustnotbemadethedirectobjectofobedience；itmustbeenjoyed，notworshipped。Starsandmountainsmustnotbetakenseriously。
Iftheyare，weendwherethepagannatureworshipended。
Becausetheearthiskind，wecanimitateallhercruelties。
Becausesexualityissane，wecanallgomadaboutsexuality。
Mereoptimismhadreacheditsinsaneandappropriatetermination。
Thetheorythateverythingwasgoodhadbecomeanorgyofeverythingthatwasbad。
OntheothersideouridealistpessimistswererepresentedbytheoldremnantoftheStoics。MarcusAureliusandhisfriendshadreallygivenuptheideaofanygodintheuniverseandlookedonlytothegodwithin。Theyhadnohopeofanyvirtueinnature，andhardlyanyhopeofanyvirtueinsociety。Theyhadnotenoughinterestintheouterworldreallytowreckorrevolutioniseit。
Theydidnotlovethecityenoughtosetfiretoit。Thustheancientworldwasexactlyinourowndesolatedilemma。Theonlypeoplewhoreallyenjoyedthisworldwerebusybreakingitup；
andthevirtuouspeopledidnotcareenoughaboutthemtoknockthemdown。Inthisdilemma（thesameasours）Christianitysuddenlysteppedinandofferedasingularanswer，whichtheworldeventuallyacceptedasTHEanswer。Itwastheanswerthen，andIthinkitistheanswernow。
Thisanswerwasliketheslashofasword；itsundered；
itdidnotinanysensesentimentallyunite。Briefly，itdividedGodfromthecosmos。ThattranscendenceanddistinctnessofthedeitywhichsomeChristiansnowwanttoremovefromChristianity，wasreallytheonlyreasonwhyanyonewantedtobeaChristian。
ItwasthewholepointoftheChristiananswertotheunhappypessimistandthestillmoreunhappyoptimist。AsIamhereonlyconcernedwiththeirparticularproblem，Ishallindicateonlybrieflythisgreatmetaphysicalsuggestion。Alldescriptionsofthecreatingorsustainingprincipleinthingsmustbemetaphorical，becausetheymustbeverbal。ThusthepantheistisforcedtospeakofGodinallthingsasifhewereinabox。Thustheevolutionisthas，inhisveryname，theideaofbeingunrolledlikeacarpet。
Allterms，religiousandirreligious，areopentothischarge。
Theonlyquestioniswhetheralltermsareuseless，orwhetheronecan，withsuchaphrase，coveradistinctIDEAabouttheoriginofthings。
Ithinkonecan，andsoevidentlydoestheevolutionist，orhewouldnottalkaboutevolution。AndtherootphraseforallChristiantheismwasthis，thatGodwasacreator，asanartistisacreator。
Apoetissoseparatefromhispoemthathehimselfspeaksofitasalittlethinghehas\"thrownoff。\"Eveningivingitforthhehasflungitaway。Thisprinciplethatallcreationandprocreationisabreakingoffisatleastasconsistentthroughthecosmosastheevolutionaryprinciplethatallgrowthisabranchingout。Awomanlosesachildeveninhavingachild。Allcreationisseparation。
Birthisassolemnapartingasdeath。
ItwastheprimephilosophicprincipleofChristianitythatthisdivorceinthedivineactofmaking（suchasseversthepoetfromthepoemorthemotherfromthenew-bornchild）wasthetruedescriptionoftheactwherebytheabsoluteenergymadetheworld。
Accordingtomostphilosophers，Godinmakingtheworldenslavedit。
AccordingtoChristianity，inmakingit，Hesetitfree。
Godhadwritten，notsomuchapoem，butratheraplay；aplayhehadplannedasperfect，butwhichhadnecessarilybeenlefttohumanactorsandstage-managers，whohadsincemadeagreatmessofit。
Iwilldiscussthetruthofthistheoremlater。HereIhaveonlytopointoutwithwhatastartlingsmoothnessitpassedthedilemmawehavediscussedinthischapter。Inthiswayatleastonecouldbebothhappyandindignantwithoutdegradingone’sselftobeeitherapessimistoranoptimist。Onthissystemonecouldfightalltheforcesofexistencewithoutdesertingtheflagofexistence。
Onecouldbeatpeacewiththeuniverseandyetbeatwarwiththeworld。St。Georgecouldstillfightthedragon，howeverbigthemonsterbulkedinthecosmos，thoughhewerebiggerthanthemightycitiesorbiggerthantheeverlastinghills。Ifhewereasbigastheworldhecouldyetbekilledinthenameoftheworld。
St。Georgehadnottoconsideranyobviousoddsorproportionsinthescaleofthings，butonlytheoriginalsecretoftheirdesign。
Hecanshakehisswordatthedragon，evenifitiseverything；
eveniftheemptyheavensoverhisheadareonlythehugearchofitsopenjaws。
Andthenfollowedanexperienceimpossibletodescribe。
ItwasasifIhadbeenblunderingaboutsincemybirthwithtwohugeandunmanageablemachines，ofdifferentshapesandwithoutapparentconnection——theworldandtheChristiantradition。
Ihadfoundthisholeintheworld：thefactthatonemustsomehowfindawayoflovingtheworldwithouttrustingit；
somehowonemustlovetheworldwithoutbeingworldly。IfoundthisprojectingfeatureofChristiantheology，likeasortofhardspike，thedogmaticinsistencethatGodwaspersonal，andhadmadeaworldseparatefromHimself。Thespikeofdogmafittedexactlyintotheholeintheworld——ithadevidentlybeenmeanttogothere——
andthenthestrangethingbegantohappen。Whenoncethesetwopartsofthetwomachineshadcometogether，oneafteranother，alltheotherpartsfittedandfellinwithaneerieexactitude。
Icouldhearboltafterboltoverallthemachineryfallingintoitsplacewithakindofclickofrelief。Havinggotonepartright，alltheotherpartswererepeatingthatrectitude，asclockafterclockstrikesnoon。Instinctafterinstinctwasansweredbydoctrineafterdoctrine。Or，tovarythemetaphor，Iwaslikeonewhohadadvancedintoahostilecountrytotakeonehighfortress。Andwhenthatforthadfallenthewholecountrysurrenderedandturnedsolidbehindme。Thewholelandwaslitup，asitwere，backtothefirstfieldsofmychildhood。AllthoseblindfanciesofboyhoodwhichinthefourthchapterIhavetriedinvaintotraceonthedarkness，becamesuddenlytransparentandsane。
IwasrightwhenIfeltthatroseswereredbysomesortofchoice：
itwasthedivinechoice。IwasrightwhenIfeltthatIwouldalmostrathersaythatgrasswasthewrongcolourthansayitmustbynecessityhavebeenthatcolour：itmightverilyhavebeenanyother。Mysensethathappinesshungonthecrazythreadofaconditiondidmeansomethingwhenallwassaid：itmeantthewholedoctrineoftheFall。EventhosedimandshapelessmonstersofnotionswhichIhavenotbeenabletodescribe，muchlessdefend，steppedquietlyintotheirplaceslikecolossalcaryatidesofthecreed。Thefancythatthecosmoswasnotvastandvoid，butsmallandcosy，hadafulfilledsignificancenow，foranythingthatisaworkofartmustbesmallinthesightoftheartist；
toGodthestarsmightbeonlysmallanddear，likediamonds。
Andmyhauntinginstinctthatsomehowgoodwasnotmerelyatooltobeused，butarelictobeguarded，likethegoodsfromCrusoe’sship——
eventhathadbeenthewildwhisperofsomethingoriginallywise，for，accordingtoChristianity，wewereindeedthesurvivorsofawreck，thecrewofagoldenshipthathadgonedownbeforethebeginningoftheworld。
Buttheimportantmatterwasthis，thatitentirelyreversedthereasonforoptimism。Andtheinstantthereversalwasmadeitfeltliketheabrupteasewhenaboneisputbackinthesocket。
Ihadoftencalledmyselfanoptimist，toavoidthetooevidentblasphemyofpessimism。Butalltheoptimismoftheagehadbeenfalseanddishearteningforthisreason，thatithadalwaysbeentryingtoprovethatwefitintotheworld。TheChristianoptimismisbasedonthefactthatwedoNOTfitintotheworld。
Ihadtriedtobehappybytellingmyselfthatmanisananimal，likeanyotherwhichsoughtitsmeatfromGod。ButnowIreallywashappy，forIhadlearntthatmanisamonstrosity。Ihadbeenrightinfeelingallthingsasodd，forImyselfwasatonceworseandbetterthanallthings。Theoptimist’spleasurewasprosaic，foritdweltonthenaturalnessofeverything；theChristianpleasurewaspoetic，foritdweltontheunnaturalnessofeverythinginthelightofthesupernatural。ThemodernphilosopherhadtoldmeagainandagainthatIwasintherightplace，andIhadstillfeltdepressedeveninacquiescence。ButIhadheardthatIwasintheWRONGplace，andmysoulsangforjoy，likeabirdinspring。
Theknowledgefoundoutandilluminatedforgottenchambersinthedarkhouseofinfancy。Iknewnowwhygrasshadalwaysseemedtomeasqueerasthegreenbeardofagiant，andwhyIcouldfeelhomesickathome。
VITHEPARADOXESOFCHRISTIANITY
Therealtroublewiththisworldofoursisnotthatitisanunreasonableworld，noreventhatitisareasonableone。Thecommonestkindoftroubleisthatitisnearlyreasonable，butnotquite。
Lifeisnotanillogicality；yetitisatrapforlogicians。
Itlooksjustalittlemoremathematicalandregularthanitis；
itsexactitudeisobvious，butitsinexactitudeishidden；
itswildnessliesinwait。IgiveonecoarseinstanceofwhatImean。
Supposesomemathematicalcreaturefromthemoonweretoreckonupthehumanbody；hewouldatonceseethattheessentialthingaboutitwasthatitwasduplicate。Amanistwomen，heontherightexactlyresemblinghimontheleft。Havingnotedthattherewasanarmontherightandoneontheleft，alegontherightandoneontheleft，hemightgofurtherandstillfindoneachsidethesamenumberoffingers，thesamenumberoftoes，twineyes，twinears，twinnostrils，andeventwinlobesofthebrain。
Atlasthewouldtakeitasalaw；andthen，wherehefoundaheartononeside，woulddeducethattherewasanotherheartontheother。
Andjustthen，wherehemostfelthewasright，hewouldbewrong。
Itisthissilentswervingfromaccuracybyaninchthatistheuncannyelementineverything。Itseemsasortofsecrettreasonintheuniverse。Anappleoranorangeisroundenoughtogetitselfcalledround，andyetisnotroundafterall。
Theearthitselfisshapedlikeanorangeinordertoluresomesimpleastronomerintocallingitaglobe。Abladeofgrassiscalledafterthebladeofasword，becauseitcomestoapoint；
butitdoesn’t。Everywhereinthingsthereisthiselementofthequietandincalculable。Itescapestherationalists，butitneverescapestillthelastmoment。Fromthegrandcurveofourearthitcouldeasilybeinferredthateveryinchofitwasthuscurved。
Itwouldseemrationalthatasamanhasabrainonbothsides，heshouldhaveaheartonbothsides。YetscientificmenarestillorganizingexpeditionstofindtheNorthPole，becausetheyaresofondofflatcountry。Scientificmenarealsostillorganizingexpeditionstofindaman’sheart；andwhentheytrytofindit，theygenerallygetonthewrongsideofhim。
Now，actualinsightorinspirationisbesttestedbywhetheritguessesthesehiddenmalformationsorsurprises。Ifourmathematicianfromthemoonsawthetwoarmsandthetwoears，hemightdeducethetwoshoulder-bladesandthetwohalvesofthebrain。Butifheguessedthattheman’sheartwasintherightplace，thenIshouldcallhimsomethingmorethanamathematician。Now，thisisexactlytheclaimwhichIhavesincecometopropoundforChristianity。
Notmerelythatitdeduceslogicaltruths，butthatwhenitsuddenlybecomesillogical，ithasfound，sotospeak，anillogicaltruth。
Itnotonlygoesrightaboutthings，butitgoeswrong（ifonemaysayso）exactlywherethethingsgowrong。Itsplansuitsthesecretirregularities，andexpectstheunexpected。Itissimpleaboutthesimpletruth；butitisstubbornaboutthesubtletruth。
Itwilladmitthatamanhastwohands，itwillnotadmit（thoughalltheModernistswailtoit）theobviousdeductionthathehastwohearts。
Itismyonlypurposeinthischaptertopointthisout；toshowthatwheneverwefeelthereissomethingoddinChristiantheology，weshallgenerallyfindthatthereissomethingoddinthetruth。
Ihavealludedtoanunmeaningphrasetotheeffectthatsuchandsuchacreedcannotbebelievedinourage。Ofcourse，anythingcanbebelievedinanyage。But，oddlyenough，therereallyisasenseinwhichacreed，ifitisbelievedatall，canbebelievedmorefixedlyinacomplexsocietythaninasimpleone。
IfamanfindsChristianitytrueinBirmingham，hehasactuallyclearerreasonsforfaiththanifhehadfoundittrueinMercia。Forthemorecomplicatedseemsthecoincidence，thelessitcanbeacoincidence。
Ifsnowflakesfellintheshape，say，oftheheartofMidlothian，itmightbeanaccident。ButifsnowflakesfellintheexactshapeofthemazeatHamptonCourt，Ithinkonemightcallitamiracle。
ItisexactlyasofsuchamiraclethatIhavesincecometofeelofthephilosophyofChristianity。Thecomplicationofourmodernworldprovesthetruthofthecreedmoreperfectlythananyoftheplainproblemsoftheagesoffaith。ItwasinNottingHillandBatterseathatIbegantoseethatChristianitywastrue。
ThisiswhythefaithhasthatelaborationofdoctrinesanddetailswhichsomuchdistressesthosewhoadmireChristianitywithoutbelievinginit。Whenonceonebelievesinacreed，oneisproudofitscomplexity，asscientistsareproudofthecomplexityofscience。Itshowshowrichitisindiscoveries。Ifitisrightatall，itisacomplimenttosaythatit’selaboratelyright。
Astickmightfitaholeorastoneahollowbyaccident。
Butakeyandalockarebothcomplex。Andifakeyfitsalock，youknowitistherightkey。
ButthisinvolvedaccuracyofthethingmakesitverydifficulttodowhatInowhavetodo，todescribethisaccumulationoftruth。
Itisveryhardforamantodefendanythingofwhichheisentirelyconvinced。Itiscomparativelyeasywhenheisonlypartiallyconvinced。Heispartiallyconvincedbecausehehasfoundthisorthatproofofthething，andhecanexpoundit。
Butamanisnotreallyconvincedofaphilosophictheorywhenhefindsthatsomethingprovesit。Heisonlyreallyconvincedwhenhefindsthateverythingprovesit。Andthemoreconvergingreasonshefindspointingtothisconviction，themorebewilderedheisifaskedsuddenlytosumthemup。Thus，ifoneaskedanordinaryintelligentman，onthespurofthemoment，\"Whydoyouprefercivilizationtosavagery？\"
hewouldlookwildlyroundatobjectafterobject，andwouldonlybeabletoanswervaguely，\"Why，thereisthatbookcase……andthecoalsinthecoal-scuttle……andpianos……andpolicemen。\"
Thewholecaseforcivilizationisthatthecaseforitiscomplex。
Ithasdonesomanythings。Butthatverymultiplicityofproofwhichoughttomakereplyoverwhelmingmakesreplyimpossible。
Thereis，therefore，aboutallcompleteconvictionakindofhugehelplessness。Thebeliefissobigthatittakesalongtimetogetitintoaction。Andthishesitationchieflyarises，oddlyenough，fromanindifferenceaboutwhereoneshouldbegin。
AllroadsleadtoRome；whichisonereasonwhymanypeoplenevergetthere。InthecaseofthisdefenceoftheChristianconvictionIconfessthatIwouldassoonbegintheargumentwithonethingasanother；Iwouldbeginitwithaturniporataximetercab。
ButifIamtobeatallcarefulaboutmakingmymeaningclear，itwill，Ithink，bewisertocontinuethecurrentargumentsofthelastchapter，whichwasconcernedtourgethefirstofthesemysticalcoincidences，orratherratifications。AllIhadhithertoheardofChristiantheologyhadalienatedmefromit。
Iwasapaganattheageoftwelve，andacompleteagnosticbytheageofsixteen；andIcannotunderstandanyonepassingtheageofseventeenwithouthavingaskedhimselfsosimpleaquestion。
Idid，indeed，retainacloudyreverenceforacosmicdeityandagreathistoricalinterestintheFounderofChristianity。
ButIcertainlyregardedHimasaman；thoughperhapsIthoughtthat，eveninthatpoint，HehadanadvantageoversomeofHismoderncritics。